Me> part one

From four years old until middle school-

This will probably be a little jumpy. Or random. I’ll try to sort it all out for you. And it’s just things that I remember, things that stuck in my head for some reason or another. As I write about my present, I’ll remember things from my past. I apologize about that in the past.

When I was four my parents divorced. The most I remember about them is how they would argue.

I have a random memory of being forgotten at elementary school, my younger brother hitting me with a hockey stick, getting stitches, falling on my face, and having some random girl cuss me out for no reason in fourth grade.

But really, what I remember from when I was younger were having fun. With lemonade stands, hanging out with friends, laughing a lot, going swimming, doing anything outside to pass the time. But not just passing it. Living it. Why is it that as we get older, we remember the bad things instead of the good.

We used to go on vacation every other spring break. Our parents rotated spring breaks. When I was with my mom we would go to Florida or Alabama. That ended a year or two after my mom married my ex step-dad. When we were with my dad we didn’t go many places. I remember going to Washington D.C once with him. The subway system was so confusing. But we trusted him to get us where we needed to go.

I don’t know exactly when that changed. Maybe after my mom remarried.

And I never had the best relationship with my family. My mom and I were never close. I only saw my dad every other weekend since I was four years old, and my two brothers always did their own thing. I guess I could’ve tried a little harder, could’ve pushed it more, but I don’ t know how much that would’ve done. My family was always in their own worlds, separate from each other.

I remember when we went to my mom and ex step-dads wedding in Jamaica, I think it was the summer of my sixth grade year. My step dad seemed like a great guy before this. Then the night before the wedding he started yelling about the food. It really was something small, but he was so upset for no reason. Later my mom admitted to me that she had second thoughts that night. But still went along with it the next day. It was fine. Just me, my brothers, grandfather and of course my mom and her husband.

We all moved to a small farm with five acres. Got a few horses. Then some chickens, and eventually a lot more. But that’s a lot later.

I grew up more as the outside type of girl, hanging out with a lot of boys, hated pink, but I’ve grown to love my feminine side as well as my tougher one.

But that's all for this one. There are more things after we moved. About my mom. My dad. My step dad. Family. Friends. School mates. Co-workers. Everyone you can think of. The thing they have in common, is what I remember. After all, this is my urge. What I've been holding in. I promise this is truthful though, every bit. What would be the point if it wasn't.