from me to you

1st August.. yeah, today is my birthday. I am 20 years old now. I should be very happy now, right? But the truth is I'm not.. I've been crying since last night. Well, I always end up crying on my birthday. Crybaby.. yes, you can say so. If everyone get so excited when the birtday come.. I never feel that way. oh, maybe ever. a long time ago..when I was a little girl, it's about 17 years ago I guess.. dunno, I forgot. The reason why I dislike birthday is.. I hate getting old. lol being an adult is.. . Adult people always putting a mask on their face, they can't and don't want to express their true feeling. Being nice to everyone for the sake of formality and maturity. When you are getting older, you will realize that you can not trust everyone in this world. They are nothing but liar. I don't have many friends.. okay, I have. But eventhough I have those people who called by 'friends'. I feel...so lonely. I need a friend. No, I need someone to talk. Though I have many 'friends', I barely talk with them. I need someone to share about what I feel. I have many scars in my heart, I can't heal it till now.. it makes me become a careless girl. I'm a straightforward person, and people get misunderstand towards me so easily over my personality. And I don't care. For me being honest is the best way rather than lie, it hurts though. I ever had a person or should I call her 'friend'? I was so happy, I told her everything. But she left me, dumped me..we never talk anymore till now, back for being strangers. I'm all alone again now. Some of my friends said Happy Birthday to me.. But I don't feel excited. I'm happy, but not really happy. This is such a complicated feeling.. Oh..you know? I never get a birthday present, that's the other reason why I hate birthday haha. My birthday wish in every year is always same. I wish I can get a better birthday.. a birthday where I don't end up crying in my room, a birthday which can bring up my smile.. a birthday that can make me not feeling lonely anymore. And I wish I could get a person who want to be my listener.. would you grant my wish?