If I RP with you, I feel like you have to read this?

You're My Pet Roleplay - Human Peniel

MeanKids University - Changsub

Black Paradise Club - Master Kanata Hongo; Sub Ricky

The SM Town Boys - Lee Taemin

Catboy Academy - Byunghun; Ilhoon

Love me, please Appa!/A-ppapapa! - Daddy Leo; Daddy Kuina (One of them was booted from one of the rps but I can't remember which.)

Waking up the devil - Ren

The Dream Realm - Amber Liu

The World Under Butterflies - Ilhoon

Blood and Silver Roleplay - Jason

Just Be Friends - Moon Jongup

Alright. So these are the current roleplays that I'm apart of. I can't say they're all active or that I'm as active as I should be, but I listed them in case someone rps with me there and doesn't/didn't know it was me. You count, too. This is also for all of those that I have an active inbox rp with.

Guess what? It's another excuse blog. Although not really...

I wouldn't count this particularly as an excuse as to why I've been so inactive lately but I figured, again, everyone that I can tell should know. All the roleplays I've listed above, I've either already asked for a hiatus or the roleplay isn't very active anymore so I didn't bother anyway...

I've been considering leaving the site. Well, sort of anyway. I've been considering giving up roleplaying for a very long time, but it's my escape from life so I don't really want to, but I feel like I can't do it anymore. I've lost my motivation for life again, but this time it's really bad. I haven't felt like giving up everything this much in years and I really don't know what to do about it. I don't write as often as I used to, or even as much as I wrote at this time last year. I can't remember the last time I drew something. And I'm only reading books now because of class. I also take pictures a lot less. I'm just...alive at this point and I feel like I'm taking up space and offering everyone absolutely nothing.

All of my replies have been slow or, at this point, completely nonexistent because I haven't felt motivated enough to write anything. Like, I really want to reply, but I can't think of anything when I try. I just sit there and reread what someone wrote me a few times until I realize that my mind is completely blank and there's no chance of me writing anything. The even bigger problem with that is that I forget I already checked for replies and since I don't see notifications anymore, they don't cross my mind. I just forget to reply again and since my mind is in deep in some weird place, I don't even remember to check to see if I replied.

I've continued to consider whether I should just give up roleplaying, including what I do on twitter, which has been a handful of accounts that I've had for a year now to about two or three years... I may not get rid of everything on here completely, but I'm wondering if I should at least leave some roleplays? It's not even that I can't keep up with all the ones that I'm apart of. I just don't feel like I can write anymore so everything is . Ugh. I want to take that word out but that's literally what it all feels like. I hate using cuss words... orz

Anyway, I'm deciphering just what to do with my life and I'm getting no where... It's affecting everything as a result. I don't watch television. I barely get on the computer. I just want to graduate college already, even though I don't have the slightest idea of what I'm going to do after. I sing once in a while, but I give that up just as easily as everything else at this point. I used to try to learn dances and I don't. I tried learning languages and I have no motivation to actually do it even though I really would like to...

I can't even say this is excuse with all that I've written here. I doubt most of you will even read through all of this. I'm thankful to those of you that have though. It's just me ranting and whining about life after all, isn't it?

If and/or when I actually make a decision about what I intend to do, I'll be sure to let you guys know in advance before I just up and disappear. Or at least I'll make a real effort to try.

Thanks you guys for everything. I really mean it.

~~ Amber ~~