Idfk

I am depressed, I hate being like this. I have no idea what triggered me to be like this. I don't want be like this, because I'll soon hate everything. But I think this might have something to do with my body. I'm not sure. I just want this to go away so I don't have to hate everyone because of my stupid ing hormones. I feel like throwing up my dinner. I feel like screaming my head off. I feel so much that I hate a lot of things. I want to be along but I don't because I'm afraid I'll do something I don't want to. I want to sleep and make it go away but I know I'll have a nightmare because I'm like this. I'm trying to think positive, and trying to push those bad thoughts away but my heart feels so damn heavy. As if crying wouldn't help... I need something. But I have no ing clue what I need to get rid of it. I don't know if I need to cry to make it go away or if I need something else. What the . I'm so ing tired but I will definitely wake up from a nightmare and have a hard time breathing because I would be shocked and choke on my cries. I tried listening to my favourite songs but nothing is satisfying me. I don't want to roleplay because I know it will not end up pretty. I want to kill everything but I feel like I still won't be satisfied. . I hate this feeling because I don't know how long I'll feel like this. Sometimes it just comes and goes away. But sometimes it comes and sticks around before letting me go. It's like eating me alive but keeping me alive to feel this pain... This pain that is so unfamiliar to me. I think I've got an idea as to where this is coming from. Someone or some people from the underground have walked by or something.... My dad's siblings, when they were younger, they played with a ouija board and something really bad happened. My dad was under the bed when this happened and the room was shaking. After that had happened, and later when I was born, I've been caught on to something from the dead. When I was friends with this chick, she made a ouija board. I, being the stupid I am, played along with her, I got even more clung onto from the dead. And since then starting from my dad, I've been able to see the dead and feel them. I feel the bad spirits and the good ones. I feel like this is why I feel like this, I've been given someone else's pain. I'm super sensitive to being around dead people. I can't handle it. Even if I didn't know them that well. I feel EVERYONE'S pain. It sticks to me like a velcro thing. I can't be strong. I just can't. Even if I tried, I'd break down instantly. While I was camping, I was being watched over by who knows, I was happy. But I was sad because I didn't know who it was who was watching over me. I was asked to sing a traditional song one night while I was camping but I couldn't because I knew I would have cried. I can never be strong for anyone or even myself. I break easily. But I'm a fighter. I know I am. I can not express how badly sick I feel when I'm like this. I don't even think I'm even ready for school and even if it's still a month away. I don't think I'm ready. I really want to feel wanted. To feel like I'm needed. Just so I can not think of all the bad things and the negative that are- I.. Forgot what I was going to say because I fell asleep....

anyways. I feel much better after a good nights sleep!