It's Still Hard

NP: See You Again - Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth

So some of you may have noticed my absence from RPR. This is just an update on what's been going on. Some of you remember I did a blog almost six months ago about a very close friend of mine who had passed away, Maurice C. Dean aka Moe. He had started a dance crew in 2005 called Hip Hop Theory which later became Hip Hop Theory: The Company. That makes this year the 10th year Anniversary. The show was on October 10, 2015 and of course the whole show was dedicated to Moe. Because of this it's been an extremely emotional couple of weeks and I even slipped back into my depression which I've only just begun to get out of. The very first piece they did was the last piece he ever choreographed which was to Rather Be by Clean Bandit. Another reason for my depression is because I started dancing again and I can't dance without thinking of him. Although I've been dancing since I was 8, everything I know about Hip Hop dancing I learned from him. I can freestyle and choreograph because of him. He reignited a passion for performing in me I thought I had lost when I was in a wheelchair for 6 months after a cheerleading stunt went wrong. Throughout the whole show, they played little videos of him and the last piece they did was to See You Again (both versions) and had a chair in the middle of the stage with the hat, pants, hoodie, and shoes he always wore along with his boombox. Following the show they had a dinner and showed a documentary on Maurice and Hip Hop Theory. I tried convincing myself that I didn't deserve to grieve him because I wasn't in HHT and didn't spend as much time with him as I would have liked to. But the pain I feel is too real, it's too much. I feel it throughout my whole body. I still send him messages on Facebook even though I know he won't respond. I still tag him in things even though I know he won't see it. But what hurts me the most is that I won't be able to see his proud grin he always wore when he watched "his kids" as he liked to call us, perform. As I'm writing this I've had See You Again on repeat and I can honestly say that it has been a long day without you my friend. Everyday has been long, and it's been hard. But I do have comfort in the fact that I will see you again one day. I know that you're looking down on me and I hope that everything I do will make you proud.

I love you Moe

I miss you Moe

Dance In Paradise

#ForMoe