Today was my last final and the end of my first semester at uni which is a huge accomplishment for me. 1 year into college (3 years ago) I had a mental breakdown that revealed the depth of my anxiety and panic attack disorder. I've been struggling with it ever since. In my 2nd and third year of college I went from being a 95% average to a 65% average because of my struggles with my mental health and being heavily medicated. I lost a lot of self confidence both because of anxiety and the weight gain that came with my pills. And I have been constantly physically ill ever since. All the antibiotics have really made me feel physically weak and have made me gain a lot of weight I've tried to lose.
And today I finished my first semester of university without a single panic attack and without having to turn to my medication for my anxiety problems. I am leaving for my dad's (away from civilizaiton basically) tomorrow and tonight was supposed to be me and my bf celebrating with food and Christmas presents and just chilling after not seeing each other for a while before I leave for a long time. And he didn't answer my texts and when he finally did he was like "I'm sorry I forgot my phone and ended up going out to eat with someone else either" and obviously I was like okay, that's fine! But I'm secretly extremely hurt that he blew off this night so easily... Like he's finally back from his dorm. I'm leaving. We won't see each other for nearly 2-3 weeks and he blew me off... I Was so excited. I had my hair and make up done... I had dinner made... Like... Now instead I'm spending my celebratory night alone with cats, bad iPod romance storyline games and Real World: Cancun. Dinner is cold. My eyes hurt. I'm just upset. And I feel selfish for being upset. Like I feel like I'm being clingy. Idk... Sigh... And he didn't even answer my texts about where he went to eat or what he did today... Like ... At least give me an answer...
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