I can't say that I'm back but... Hello, everyone!

I'm currently at work and I still have quite a lot to do, but I decided to kind of give a heads-up as to where I've been. I think this is the longest, most abrupt hiatus I've ever had. I didn't expect to even been gone. I'm used to maybe taking a couple of days or so away because I either forget or I'm trying to find my muse again for my characters. Between December and a good amount of January, I was just dealing with me. I lost my motivation for life to be quite honest. I was really down in the dumps and nothing seemed to be working out for me. I lost my motivation for all my characters as a result and I ended up taking a break from rp for...about a week, maybe? Not more than two weeks, I don't think. It wasn't that long although I do think that I should have taken a longer one but yeah.

I'm a little better now but I still don't seem to have much motivation for life in general. It . Big Bang's songs, Sober and Loser, are really like my life songs, right now, which says a lot. I don't really drink though but the line in Sober about having a lot to do but not really wanting to do anything is pretty much where I am in life. I want to come back and enjoy roleplaying with everyone but I can't even decide where I want my characters to go. I end up always making them sad and depressed and irritating toward others. I'm sorry. I try to create unique characters and everything even if I am just roleplaying someone else but... I don't know. I guess that's why I'm having trouble coming back because they all just kind of become the same and it's...I don't even know how to explain it.

I know that not everyone I've rped with will see this but I don't know what to tell you besides I'm sorry that I've just kind of left you hanging. I really don't like to do that but it happens all too often that I just can't bring myself to emotionally or mentally be somewhere. Roleplay doesn't necessarily drain me but it doesn't always help cheer me up because it's just... I mean, it's almost like a lot of the ideas I want to do when I really want to do them, no one really wants to do them with me or something happens and our rp together just kind of falls apart. It's sad. It is. And I really enjoy rping something that someone else wants, if I feel I'm capable enough to do it, but I always worry that I'm not enough to really pull through for others so that makes it hard to rp as well. I'm just a mess. As usual. I put too much of my emotion into roleplay and I get caught up so quickly sometimes, most of the time.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say. Just that I'm not sure when I'll officially be back. I don't want to go anywhere though. Even if I'm not around much, I really don't have the heart to delete my stuff from here. I can't bring myself to do it. So, I guess, for the time being, I'll just be lingering around here and there sometimes. To make matters worse though, my phone fell in the toilet this morning and won't turn on, so I'm not sure what I can do. That means less time doing a lot and I can't really get to my kakao or line or kik or anything really without it, so that's that. -sighs-

But there's an update for you guys... I really do apologize for any inconvenice or disappointment I caused you guys by just vanishing. I really am sorry.