Ya know sometimes I just sit back and wonder what is it about me that allows me to attract friends?
You see I've never really been good at introductions or making friends on my own generally all the friends I've mad have always come to me in the begining
In a way I guess this is what makes me so strange when it comes to girls my personality will totaly flip depending on who I'm near/intrested in/talking to, like I'm a pretty far out guy, a little y(actually a lot y my brain is a time bomb for the negative lol), a little crazy, very modest, EXTREAMLY random, and over all a really caring and kind hearted person(my 2nd greatest weakness is that I care too much). Its all just... well weird. Hmph even now I'm typing this and asking myself why if no one is probably ever going to read it but just in case I guess :P. (Back to the point lol) over the years I've become a lot of peoples best friend online and IRL I guess mainly do to the fact that I'm so nice and it takes a lot to piss me off unless you are an annoying hipster-yolo-swag-bag as I like to call most of my generation for those that fir those terms, but yeah I don't even know what I'm typing about. Hmmm maybe I just want to confirm something, something I've been waiting for, trying for, crying for, and pushing my heart out for, but... maybe its not ment to be the way I see it in my head, It's like I live in two different worlds one that is reality and the other that is reality neither of which I can control the events that happen but one is just a much better place where I can see the other side of myself the better me... with everything I've ever wanted. No i'm not jealous, I've made mistakes, I've been a fool, I've tried to make amends, in all honesty a true monument for my sins. Yet I still wonder, if everything will work out in the end... my greatest weakness is doubt. It's like a cloud that follows me and the anchor that drags me down, my doubt brews anger in my heart not just at myself but at others my mind always racing trying to figure someone else out before its to late... the same thoughts repeat in my mind "do they care?", "what do they want from me?", "they don't trust me!", "Why am I still helping them!", "I'm a fool!", 'they're a fool","why wont the leave me alone". All these things stir within my heart in an instant, although unless you've truely hurt me in a way I can never forgive, these thoughts and emotions never show. I always have a warm and welcoming smile, ready to cheer up anyone I know to mkae myself happy. So long as I can make someone smile it makes all those things go away and it finally puts me at peace momentarly.
Sigh.... phew.. that was a lot
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