thoughts

Disclaimer: I am fully aware that whatever I'm going to say here is going to be disputed and people are likely going to get angry first and relay those thoughts as comments on this blog before having time to process what I'm really trying to say here. So please, I'm more than ready to listen to opinions, not half screamed rants at me from people hiding behind keyboards and computer screens because you may disagree. I'm also not here to bash anyone, fans, idols, no one. I'm just giving an opinion which I don't feel has been said quite right just yet, and whilst my blog is nowhere near perfect, I'm trying to get as close as possible to the message I want to be said.

Rambling over, read on!

So this is about EXO. I'm not an anti-fan and I don't know if you'd consider me an EXO-L because people have different standards as to qualifications of gaining that title. What I am however is a fan and have had mixed emotions about this group, perhaps more than I have about any other K-Pop group since getting into this whole world of music and entertainment. I'm going to be straight up and say there is one or more of the members that I do not particularly like, and I know my view is limited because I don't know them in real life, but I'm taking what has been presented to me and reacting to it how I will. Whilst Yifan and Luhan leaving upset me particularly, we've seen the lawsuits happen and the results of them, and the member I don't like that much is Tao but that's just because personalities clash and I myself do not like the... immature? kind of nature he possesses and things he says and does. I could go on and say I have seen him develop somewhat but I still stand firm in how I feel about the man. But Tao isn't the member that I'm really bothered about these days.

After the lawsuits and the leaving, everything seemed to be up in the air with EXO and there was a fear that like TVXQ, another group under SMent, that EXO might end up the same way. It was a particularly hard time for fans everywhere and the group, and quite often, others (including myself) came to the defense of Yixing whenever he was asked if he was going to leave like the other Chinese members had. Seriously, that question came up in nearly every interview and I felt particularly bad for the man as he had begun increasing his schedules between China and South Korea. He was tired, arguably more so than usual as he had doubled his itinerary in order to, what we assumed, was to keep and strength the bond between the Chinese fans who still supported EXO and whatnot. Then there were the fans who said he was disregarding his duties as a member of EXO, especially when Yixing had missed so many schedules, live performances, recordings, shows etc. Again, others and I included once more defended Yixing, trying to calm people down and say that whilst we don't know the full story, we're sure he must have been struggling and forced to stay in China for other activities.

Not to sound cruel, but that's just not cutting it any more. Ever since last year I've grown tired of defending Yixing, feeling sad as I've watched livestreams on the V-App, waiting, hoping to see him, to see him in birthday photos, to be on stage. You know, when Jongin had come back from his injury, so many people had been looking forward to having the dancing line back on stage together, but then Yixing wasn't there and it was such a disappointment. Its sad as a fan to see them post on instagram and he's missing, god knows how they feel, and sure there's phones and internet to keep in contact but within K-Pop groups are so tightly knit together especially after debuting that when someone is gone, it is noticed very clearly and distinctly. I and other fans don't really know the whole story and likely never will, but what I'm saying is that on the day where EXO went live to celebrate five whole years together, I held out a last hope to see Zhang Yixing there, with the boys, having fun and whilst tired from their concerts, having a good time and just... being part of the team, of the family again. But as most people know, Yixing was absent.

I get it, as much as I can. Yixing is busy, Yixing has his schedules, Yixing is doing what he feels he must. But when a team and a family has already lost three of its members... there's really no honest difference in the feeling of loss with Yixing still being under the same name, but not being a presence within the group. More than angry, I'm sad. I've heard rumours about him threatening to sue for things like getting his own solo instead of Chen, thus Chen being put in CBX instead, of him planning to leave when he's got himself well enough established or when his contract runs out. It doesn't matter, rumours will still rush about and people will still whisper and tell lies or truths, but what does matter is how there's a feeling of only eight out of twelve members now.

This blog has no point if you were looking for an argument or a fight, but it does have a point if you're interested in seeing the group so many love and support through another fan's eyes. I'm still a fan, I'm still working on being a better fan too, both towards the idols and fellow fans. But this is quite simply, how I, and I'm sure others, must feel too. So if you'd like to share your own thoughts then comment, but don't argue, don't be aggressive, just... don't fight. There's been more than enough of that, more than enough losses too. Don't you think?

Boojae-