1 Year Later ▬ ✖

So I wasn't going to write anything. But now I'm writing things. And you'll have to excuse the mess that is my English today because I'm all over the place.

Hm.

I'm a little bit speechless. But I want to write to you because...well because I do.

To be honest, it hasn't been a year. I refuse to think, acknowledge or accept that it has been a year because for me it hasn't at all. I've made friends online before of course, been close with them and spoken to them everyday. I always know that eventually we'll drift apart but until that happens I'll enjoy things as they are. But for some reason with you guys it was different. And I don't know why but it just was.

It's odd really because when I try and think about how things were before the rp, I can't seem to do it without thinking of you guys XD

I'm probably overreacting and there are probably people that think I'm being stupid and over emotional but really I'm just trying to convey how I feel as truthfully as possible. And if it comes out delusional or over obsessed then so be it.

The reason it hasn't been a year is because its more like ten. I didn't understand the phrase "it feels like I've known you my whole life" before hg and now I really get it. I knew the year anniversary was coming up but it just really hasn't been a year XD It just can't have been. Everyone will be saying "I've known you for so long" but a year seems far too short a time period to have done everything I have done. Meeting Jenn, Nikki, Jae, Joya, Lisa, Dae, Kerry, Luhan, Leo, Chels, Hya, Dara, Kwangmin, Bom, Joon, Taeyeon. I actually burst into tears about half an hour ago because it just hit me all at once that wow you guys are my family. And if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be the person I am. I've been through a lot over the last twelve months and I've been the luckiest person on Earth to have such a support group here for me, a constant safety net for when I've needed you most, and for when I haven't needed you but wanted you anyway. So for me, instead of one year, it has been ten.

Lisa and Joya, you guys are my sisters. In fact no, actually it's more like you're the same as me, just different versions. Sisters doesn't quite seem close enough. If that makes sense? I honestly do not remember a time without you both. My entire family knows you, my friend group knows you, and when I go to college in September, the new people I meet will be the first to hear about the two Dutch girls that are two of the most important people in my life and whom I will never deserve because you're literally angels. And I don't want to ever even think about what it would be like without you two because I think spontaenous combustion might very well occur and frankly I'd rather not. The idea is incomprehendible, to put it simply. I have come to the conclusion that I cannot live without you and that is all.

(this is actually really annoying me because I had things I wanted to say and I can't remember what they were now.)

I'm really super tired atm from the crying actually so blame Jenn XD

Kerry and Leo, you guys are my actual parents okay. You're always there, and its scary that whenever you guys are online, my brain registers that you are my parents because you're so supportive and whenever my real life parents are ing up (i.e. all the time) you're always there. Leo you're really protective over all of us, you're a dork and I feel like I could talk to you about anything. I hope you don't mind but I really see you as a father figure and I'm so touched with how much you really care about me and Lisa and Joya and Kerry and everyone at the rp. Kerry I feel the same, you're always there to give mature and helpful advice and to listen to me when I'm upset. And I know that I've done the same for you so I'm glad that I seem to be a good vent for you as well. I just really can't express how much you both mean to me and I hope you can just settle for I love you.

Ara at the rate I'm going I'll never get around you all since I'm at more of a loss for words when it comes to you guys then I usually am.

I guess I'll just end it there and wait to be shot for my...well this. Idk what to call it.

Aigoo I'm really all over the place XDD

Thank you for everything. I love you all.

And sorry for being so cheesy.