stray kids dorm

@✧ hwang hyunjin 。 /when you take my hands and hold them in your own i frown, its not expected of you to want me to touch you considering earlier, let alone you being the one to bridge the gap
you... you do?
/asks as i look up at you, relief slowly filtering into me when you tell me you believe me, sighing in relief under my breath before i let my eyelids close, causing more tears to fall as i do so
/my hands fall to my sides when you let go, blinking as you touch my cheek and catch some of the fallen tears on your fingertips
believe it or not, seeing you cry makes me feel like crap
this crying at least
/mumbles quietly only to tip my head back a bit more when you step forward, looking into your eyes quietly before i glance to the side at your question
i...
/shifting a little uncomfortably i'm trying to come up with a reason, an answer for why i did do that, because even i'm unsure
i... i-i don't know
/i feel awful just saying that, for all my confusion i know you don't deserve it and it makes me want to curl up and hide because christ, you deserve better than that as an answer
b-but i didn't dislike it!
i mean-
i probably... we probably could kiss better but then i'd be assuming you'd even want to kiss me again and that's not fair on you considering what i did. i made you cry, bad cry-
and more...
ugh, i hate myself
i at this
/sighs as i drop my shoulders, slowly looking up at you again before actually hold your gaze, chewing on the inside of me cheek as silence falls, pleading for you not to be even more upset with me for the whole mess i am

@✧ lee minho 。 /my gaze settles on the ground, i'm araid of what i'll see, if i see that impassive look you often give me i'm not sure if i can take it right now, it makes me feel so foolish to be upset by something trivial like this, but when you kissed me i thought--i thought it meant enough that you wanted the same thing in that moment--now i think you just wanted to mess with me, lifts my head up though when i hear your voice, those words come to me as a shock, i look at you with wide eyes, tears still clinging to them but for the first time since this began i can breathe, the cold air fills my lungs and leaves me aching, or maybe its your expression the way you look genuienly sorry, so much so that your eyes reflect my own in their glassiness/
h-hyung.../murmurs softly and takes a step towards you, anger deflates from within and i just want us to be okay, when i see your hands held out mine move forward although shakily, afraid of what may come if i do this, but i can't just let you stand there with tears in your eyes and do nothing, i take hold of your hands and squeeze them, i look at them and then up at you, those forgotten tears have fallen but i don't feel them, all i feel is the shape of your hands in mine, and the warmth that slowly thaws away at us, inch by inch/
i...i belive you hyung
/says softly and gives you another squeeze before i slowly pull one hand back only to touch your damp cheek, the touch is hesistant but i manage to catch a tear or two between my fingers/
you were meant to make me cry...not yourself /says and gently taps at your cheek, my lips pull into something of a grin but its wobbly, and i step forward before speaking once more/
why...why did you kiss me hyung? i don't think you like me like that...but i'm not use to kissing people like nothing i guess...
/mumbles and looks back down at our hands, the touch of your mouth on mine still lingers, the way it made me feel tingly all over, the way i kissed you back--because i wanted to/

@✧ hwang hyunjin 。 /my own hands slide into my jacket pockets as I stare up at you, frost on my breath because of course it's cold and some part of me worries what would have happened if I didn't come out here and chase you down in the attempts of bringing you back home - to warmth
/your tears make something in my chest tighten, biting my bottom lip before I sigh and it's not because I'm mad at you, I'm just struggling with my emotions and what I'm meant to tell you now because I don't really know myself
/looks away as you seem close to crying, biting at my bottom lip before I hunch my shoulders up towards my ears, remembering what changbin and felix said when i asked them for advice before
I'm... I'm sorry, hyunjin
/apologises before I slowly look to the side, still reluctant to look at you as I'm trying so hard to form words and untie the knot my tongue has become, slowly my gaze meets yours again
I don't know if you'll believe me when I say this, but I genuinely didn't realise it would hurt you, and that makes me sound like an . Honestly, I am one
And I'm so used to fighting with you, but I... I went to far
I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry
/whispers quietly as I look up at you, my own eyes becoming glassy and I realise I'm crying too, the revelation making me blink several times as a noise of surprise comes from me
- I have no right to cry when I upset you so badly
/angrily wipes away my own tears, my hands shaking as I hold them out like I want to touch you, but then I remember your flinch earlier and that this isn't the right time, not to mention I'm sure you don't want me to
I don't know what else to say. This is... this is out of my comfort zone and I've never been great with words. But please believe me when I say I'm sorry, Hyunjin
Please...

@✧ lee minho 。 /with no destnation in mind i just keep walking and try to ignore the trumoil of emotions inside of me, i'd never think you'd run after me so even when i hear my name i don't think its you, i don't look back, its not until you grab my hand and force me to stop that i turn back to look and look at you big eyes, tears still gathered in them ready to fall/
w-what...
wh-why
/'why do you keep following me?' you've made it abundantly clear that you couldn't give a about me, so why do you keep following me, glances down at our hands and pulls mind back, i wrap myself with my arms because i feel like if i don't then you'd see to much of the hurt i can't hide, i've never been good at hiding my emotions while you've always worn your mask of indifference proudly, a crisp breeze runs through and i hold myself tighter/
you...you don't--
you kissed me and then made me feel like ing trash. /breathes in shakily and looks in the eye even while the tears cling to my lashes/
i can take it when we're messing around or whatever but you followed me into my room, asked me what was wrong and when i told you it was nothing--grabbed me by my hair and kissed me lee minho. you did that and then told me to get ed. how am i suppose to feel?
/lets out a airless laugh, because else can i do but laugh if i don't laugh i know i'll cry even more and i can't stand to do that right now in front of you/

@✧ hwang hyunjin 。 /when you leave I watch you go, standing there for several moments before I sigh softly under my breath, turning into into a loud groan as I run my hands through my hair then tug at the strands
/cursing to myself I grab my jacket and yank it on while stepping into my shoes, rushing out after you and looking around for signs of where you've gotten to
Hyunjin!
/calls out as i spot you, running to catch up with you and managing to reach you, grabbing your hand and skidding to a stop in front of you
Wait-
Just wait a minute
/looks at our hands before I slowly pull mine back, frowning and looking frustrated because I don't know how to go about this, not when emotions - conveying them, was never my strong suit
Why.... why is this time different?
Wht are you upset with me?

@✧ lee minho 。 /once you've shoved me down on my , i look up at you with those wide eyes of mine but this time there is no awe or fear or anything of the like, instead there's this flash of hurt that i smother away as quickly as i can get up my legs bumb as i get to feet/
you shouldn't have came in here if all you wanted to do was with my head.
/ whispers and moves past you through the door and across the living room until i've got whatever shoes i can get on my feet fast enough, because i can deal with your mean names, your rough hands, your temper and all of that but this sick feeling of humilation and something i don't dare name is far too much for me right now, i don't know what was happening right then i just know it made me feel something but you obsviously felt nothing over it, just played with me like you always do, it would've been like every other time except this time you kissed me, except this time the game felt too real, feeling tears cloud my vision i rub at my eyes as i walk to go anywhere but home/

@✧ hwang hyunjin 。 whole lot of talk and not much being said
shut it
/snaps at you when you insist on shooting off your mouth, looking down at you before i see something in you change, see how you're actually enjoying this, all of it
...
find someone else to play your games with
just try to be a little more... discreet in the future
/purposefully glances down at your ... lap, before i squeeze your jaw and then shove your face away from me, sending you toppling back onto your as well
i'll leave you to it then

@✧ lee minho 。 /
you just make it so easy hyung
/watches that grimace of yours blossom into deadly smirk, one i know will cost me dearly and yet i have qualms, even when you pull me down by my hair to your eye level/
huh...so this what you look like rather than the top of your head.
services? for the hair pulling and threats to do bodily harm on me? you already do it for free.
besides i just don't think you could handle me as a...sub?
a-ah
/my voice breaks when you slowly bring me down to my knees and keep me there by my hair, looks up at you with slightly wide eyes, the heat that had already been pooled in my tummy flips and makes something in me twitch, flinching slightly when you lean in not sure what to expect--we've never gotten this far--when you kiss me it takes me by surprise, i'm frozen on my knees and when you grip my face i look at you with that same look i always give you, something of awe and fear wrapped prettily into one and then i whisper/
you always did quit too fast.

@✧ hwang hyunjin 。 /my lip curls up in a snarl when you point out my hissing, listening to you as my eyes narrow at you before hearing your words
You're an annoying little , you know that?
Of course you know that. You're just poking at me again
/slowly my grimace turns onto a smirk, one that could be carved by the devil himself, my hand tightening on your hair before I yank you down, bringing you to my height
No. I'm saying you love it
And I meant it when I said you need to get yourself a ing dom, or I'll start charging you for my... services
/glances at your lips as I speak, slowly bringing you down to your knees, forcing you to them with my hand in your hair until I'm looking down at you
There now
Much better
/snickers softly at the sight, still looking into your eyes before I lean in and brush my lips over your own, my hand sliding from your hair to your chin, gripping at your face to make you look at me better
I'm done playing with you

@✧ lee minho 。 i like poking sticks at you
you get all hissy and mean--well meaner
aha-
/can't help but chuckle when you hiss at me, though i stare at danger right in the eyes and i may be trembling in my spot, i like it and it shows in the gleam of my gaze locked on you/
i just don't think you can do it.
/this time when you grab my hair there is no surprised yelp or cry, held in place by your fist, i meet your gaze and smile prettily and bat those long lashes at you, before i coo/
whatever could you mean hyung? are you saying that i like it when you pull my hair?

@✧ hwang hyunjin 。 Then don't go poking sticks at me
You know very well what happens when you do
/hisses the words out, more so when you flinch away from me and for a moment I feel some unbridled guilt, though its quickly overtaken when I remember my composure
You also know what happens when you dare me not to do something...
/trails off as I do grab your hair, staring you down as I grab a fist full of blond locks, not yanking, just holding you tightly by your scalp as I peer up at you
Which leads me to suspect this is what you wanted all along

@✧ lee minho 。 well maybe for today i didn't need a threat.
/grumbles when you don't seem to get the clue that i should be alone right now, glares back at you
now feeling utterly frustrated and just a little unhinged/
you haven't though? why because we both know that this is just a game we play?
and at the end of the day you won't make me cry
/sees you move closer to me, my body going still until you lift your hand hand and i flinch slightly expecting your hand in my hair again or a smack of sorts, letting a meak whimper before squinting my eyes open to you/
...you won't

@✧ hwang hyunjin 。 yes its weird. you hardly ever leave first unless i threaten to beat the out of you
/srhrugs nonchalantly, scoffing when you mention crying because of me, shaking my head at you as i do so
i don't make you cry, not real tears
but i could. god i could
/unfurls my arms and steps closer to you, lifting a hand as if i'm brandishing some kind of weapon at you
i really could

@✧ lee minho 。 /blinks a few times and gives you a confused, this concern seems odd, though perhaps my own reaction spurred this, its something about you pulled tighter and tighter that sent a strange sensation through me, it triggered something in and left me a bit shaken, with a pool of heat deep in my tummy/
i...i just felt like coming to my room and rest is that so weird?
not like the first time you've made me cry
/snorts and turns away from you, running nervous fingers through my hair to comb it back in place but i just need to do something so i don't have to look at you right now/
you pulled hard enough..../mutters and rubs my eyes shaking my head/
nothing is wrong hyung

@✧ hwang hyunjin 。 you looked like you were about to cry and then rushed off to your room
i'd rather not have chan hearing about it and then thinking i was bullying you or something. not without you deserving it at least
/mutters as i look at you, you're like a newborn deer stumbling over its own long and new legs, making me raise an eyebrow at you
please. i didn't pull your hair THAT hard
what's going on with you?

@✧ lee minho 。 /enters my bedroom and grips the frist thing my hand can reach in order to keep myself upright because my knees had nearly gone weak, though when i hear you at the door i yelp and jump in set, my ankles want to give out but i turn myself around and look at you with wide eyes, cheeks flushed from a rush of emotions going through me/
w-what? what are you talking about?
/asks as i stand more upright though all i want to do right now is burry myself under my sheets and just take care this twitching feeling from below i have/

@✧ hwang hyunjin 。 /watches you slink off with your answer, thinking if you could you'd have your tail between your legs as you disappeared like you do
/sighs and follows you after a while, letting myself in and standing in the doorway as i look at you, my arms still folded over my chest as i do so
what is it?

you could definitely do that. i wouldn't judge
/yawns into the back of my hand when i finish speaking, looking up as i watch you getting what you need before i look from the glass to your face
my wallet knows very well you wouldn't say no
/reaches my hand out, gently resting it on your arm and giving it a small squeeze, nodding my head as i give you a small smile
of course, binnie
you know i always have time for you
/moves over to the lounge, sitting on the floor and starfishing on it before i look up at the ceiling, motioning with one of my hands
c'mon
talk to me

Semi-melted, huh-- maybe I should shove a straw in it and call it a milkshake.
/the question has me scratching lightly at the side of my neck, disturbing the damp strands of hair as they curl in against my skin just enough to be irritating
You know I would never turn down food.
/laughs, pushing myself away from the wall a step and going to the cupboard to grab my own glass
But no, if anything, I could use a friend.
/sets the glass on the counter, fingers holding the rim firmly as I stand there for a moment
If you've got time for that?

yeah, yeah. was just doing my spacing out thing i guess
/murmurs as i rub my head, sipping from my glass of water after and finishing it before i wash it and set it aside, snorting when you mention lix's body wash
sounds like a good shout
there's ice cream, semi melted at the moment, in the freezer if you want
/nods to the freezer as i brush my hands off on my jeans, getting rid of the slight dampness to them before i flash you a smile
you need me for anything?
food? work? a friend?

/as you lift the bag, I look from it to you, blinking repeatedly, though my eyes remain wide even after you start moving again, no longer frozen in your place
You sure, hyung?
/letting the towel down over my shoulders, I hold the ends in either hand and pad across the floor toward you
Yeah, I'm good.
/leaning against the nearest wall, I watch a moment longer while you fill yourself a glass
Just got out of the shower-- had to wash Lix's body wash off me, y'know?

/blinks when i hear a voice, lifting my head and turning to peer around the fridge door to see who i'm looking at
ah--
/looks at the bag in my hand again before i lift it, realising its beginning to melt so i quickly pack them away the ice cream while i can
yeah, yeah i'm good
/nods and quickly shuts the door, wincing when its a little too hard before i rub my head, putting away the plastic bag in a cupboard for reuse later
you good?
/asks as i look over to you, grabbing myself a glass of water before i turn around to look at you

/the sound of the front door opening, and closing, after I turn off the water in the shower catches my attention, though I opt against calling out from the bathroom through the tiny crack left in the door to air out some of the steam
/with sweats and an oversized t-shirt on, I step out of the bathroom, toweling out my wet hair, and peer around the corner of the hallway only to catch the sight of Chan's back, seemingly unmoving
You okay, hyung?

/steps into the dorm after letting myself in, the door closing with a familiar click then beep as I swap my shoes for slippers, walking further inside and to the kitchen
/once there I open the fridge, meaning to unpack the bag of groceries in my hand but I end up just stopping, staring at the fridge light or just off to the side of it, doing my usual spacing out as goodness knows how many minutes pass and the ice cream in my bag just begins to melt