▬ anchorage。

@✷ celeste b。ᵉˡᶦᶻᵃᵇᵉᵗʰ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᶦʳˢᵗ there was something divine in the way the sand was wrapped around his toes as he kept his sped up pace across it, with the little boy in his arms. it was refreshing, he felt alive – a life he has always wanted. one where taking steps will not be painful, one where he could stumble and fall in front of the throne without being frowned at. he would make it into a joke, and take his rightful seat anyways – there was no stopping him when he could run. and running was what he missed the most – a feeling he did not know in his past life, but one he dreamt about. and if he keeps running, he knows everything will be alright. perhaps he got lost in the feeling, but when the little boy wiggled away, his attention shifted behind him – where he left celeste, on the ground, now drowned in hugs.

he approached the two when he was called, although his first instinct was to keep running. he stepped back, and sat down on the cold sand. the night was slowly starting to paint the sky – what a beautiful image, for a perfectly normal day. the young boy clung onto him the second he was at arm’s length, and cian let him – he even gave him a smile. it was this peace he could not get enough of, it was this peace he feared most. as he watched the stars appear on the sky, his thoughts wondered elsewhere – in thoughts, he was quite romantic. a land, forgotten by many but him – one where he would watch the sun set behind dunes of sand. one where the wind blew away only but grains of sand – not like this. one where gold would sit on his shoulders, one where his smile was bitter – he has forgotten how long ago that was.

he could feel droplets of water on his face as the waves crashed, the breeze was getting colder. the warmth of the past has vanished – he grew up in a region surrounded by cold winds, and water. ireland, he missed it sometimes. there were many new memories that tied him to belfast, some he cherished most – but even so, the past was too heavy on his shoulders. even snow – the once beloved childhood fascination – became nothing but a burden. the older he got, the more he retrieved – and at the back of his mind, he half-expected someone to come and hit him with a shovel. perhaps that explained his quick, and reckless reactions to things – always too careful, yet careless in the matters of the heart. what did his heart want? he had no clue. right now, it wanted this – the night sky, and the sea.

“tyan?” the little boy shook him, and he blinked. his vision got blurry, he did not realise his eyes were watering – perhaps a natural reaction to the change in temperature. perhaps he travelled too far in his mind, and found no answer. he looked at the young boy, and he seemed to be satisfied – he grinned from ear to ear. he took cian’s hand, and pulled him closer to his mother. she looked perfectly peaceful, yet there was no telling how violent the storm in her mind was. cassian pulled him lower, attempting to whisper something in his ear. the little boy did not know how to whisper, he turned his words into a spitting loud munch whenever he tried. cian thought it was adorable.

“there’s a boy in the water,” cassian spat his words out, satisfied, thinking his mother did not hear him. cian frowned and tried to find this boy in the water. it was far too dark to see anything but some small lights floating on the surface.

“is this a hungover dream? I get those a lot,” he said, more to celeste than to cassian. the young boy pulled cian’s arm, and pointed with a ‘there’. cian squinted, and finally saw a figure moving in the water, not far from them. “is he drowning?” cian asked, confused. cassian pulled him again, this time making him fall over next to celeste. “yes, I saw him,” cassian gave him his best puppy eyes, with such innocence even someone without a heart would melt.

“he is a mermaid! and he has a pet fish!” cassian exploded in happiness, cian had to hold his tiny waist to prevent him from jumping in the cold water. he was suddenly so excited, cian wondered where he found all that energy. he felt completely exhausted just watching him.

“cel, I told you not to let him watch those disney movies,” cian successfully pulled cassian back, a little worried he might actually go after this supposed mythical creature. “alright, I will check if he has a tail. but promise you will stay here with mummy,” cassian’s eyes lit like fireworks, and he nodded energetically, hugging celeste instead.

“mama, I’ll have a friend fish!” cassian giggled, and cian sighed defeated, standing up.

“if I do not come back in ten minutes, a shark ate me or something,” cian joked, and proceeded to enter the water, shivering a ‘bullocks’ under his breath, followed by ‘if he is not pretty, I swear’.

--
x atmosphere; pachelbel - canon in d major (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlprozGcs80)

@★ cian t。ᵏᶦⁿᵍ ᵗᵘᵗᵃⁿᵏʰᵃᵐᵉⁿ there it was again, the casual and smooth slip out of the topic at hand Cian was such an expert at— unlike her, or maybe quite so like her, he veered from topics that involved his past life and his death. for reasons she understood far too well. she was the same, she avoided it like the plague but she'd learned the hard way to open up. perhaps it was lessons learned from her past life but there was much more to Celeste Baudelaire than her surface. and the man, child, knew that. that it also irked her to see him shrivel back under the rock-walled fortress he'd built around himself.

but then again, did she blame him? she knew, from him and she was adept enough in research, to know how his past life had gone by and she saw firsthand how it affected him. a part of her sympathized with him but he did not need that pity from her. Cian, she'd learned in maybe the hardest ways possible, sought anything but pity— he craved his recklessness like nothing else and frankly, while she'd opened her home much like allowed her own walls to lower a little, there was little to nothing she could do to stop him from behaving like the petulantly prepubescent teen he insisted on behaving as. just as she could not do much right now other than watch him waltzed off to two old women with raised eyebrows.

"oh, bloody hell." she murmured to herself, earning a wide eyed blink from her son. she didn't notice it, her attention solely on the scene that unfolded before her eyes. it baffled her, how blatant of a flirt he was then again, she shouldn't have been this surprised. in the time she'd known him, she'd come to know that he flit from person to person as if he were a bee in the morn, sipping pollen from a flower's core to the next. and just like a bee, he had his fill of attention in the span of minutes.

Celeste scoffed when he came back, watching how natural it was for the two boys in her household to interact as such with disbelief painted on her visage. her eyes, wide and flashing gold in the sunlight, flit down to Cassian's innocent face. "and you know about this how?" how the four-year old knew of such wild adventures and expeditions was beyond her but she doubted, albeit with a little part of her, that Cian played quite a role in the confidence her boy had... as well as a lot of things such as the swarm of girls in the playground she'd overheard the two mumble about secretly.

"time is a concept, Cian. It's almost 6pm, are you still hungover?" she asked, her fingers moving forward to curl through Cassian's head of curly locks, brushing them back from his face. this boy had learned his unkempt behavior from the older one and she could never fix it. "now shall we go home? we can have din-"

“mama is fifty."

Cassian's innocence made her laugh, warming her heart but it was Cian's reaction that made her roll her eyes. of course, they'd both poke fun at her! the loud guffaws earned the man a dangerous yet playful squint. then it began, the jolly chase down the shore. Cassian's giggle resonated in the air, shrill and piercing that joined the cacophony of the hysteric hoots that emanated from Cian. the hem of her dress was soaked from the water but she still picked it up, rushing after them with as much force she could. but he was too fast or maybe she was just very unfit to run miles over sand. she was not even halfway to them and halted, sinking down to her knees on the sand as she tried to catch her breath. her hair stuck to her skin in sweaty rivulets of fiery red, her hand clutching at her heart while the other beckoned them over.

"c- come back.. i cannot... run.." she gasped tiredly with a frown. Cassian took pity on his mum and with another giggle, he wiggled his way out of Cian's arms to get to his feet, bulldozing straight to where his mother was with his little arms wide open. "mama!!" he shrieked adorably, attacking her into a bear hug and Celeste played along, feigning a little gasp at the force he came at her with and tumbled back into the sand, cradling his little body to her own in a tight embrace. but the boy squirmed in her grip, his smile hanging from ear to ear hence showing off the pristine white squares of his teeth. his hair was always a floppy mess of light brown curls and they fell over his forehead unkempt for no matter how much she tried to comb them back, they never stayed down. she saw where he got his genes from— mother and son were alike in many ways.

"Tyan, come!" Cassian exclaimed, looking over to where his best friend was expectantly. he loved hanging out with his mum and his older brother— they made him very happy and Cassian Baudelaire liked being happy.

@✷ celeste b。ᵉˡᶦᶻᵃᵇᵉᵗʰ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᶦʳˢᵗ he was startled by the sudden weight around his feet, but was relieved to see the boy he left sobbing was smiling once more. he held onto him just enough to keep him away from the thieving waves, his face still not back to its cheerful playfulness. the little boy seemed to enjoy the water far too much to notice anything else. cian gazed at the horizon, and let his eyes burn watching the sun shine brighter at the brim of its death. just like any soul, it exploded before it drowned. he enjoyed the splash of the waves, and found the entire scene calming, despite having wet feet and a cold back. he heard celeste speak with her natural calmness, a cold yet calculated speech he knew too well. perhaps she kept the fondness in her voice for them – her boys. she certainly spoke sweeter to her son, sometimes she spoke colder to him. he could not blame her much, he agreed too that sometimes he needed the nag.

“yes, I agree. the best paintings were inspired by the colours of dusk. very romantic, if you ask me,” he let out a hum, letting the words roll off his tongue in his natural irish accent, trying to lock away those very memories that surfaced. if there was anything he was good at, it was avoidance and escape. he liked being away so much, he destroyed himself with it. for better or worse, cian repressed every single feeling that did not fit his oeuvre successfully at the price of sudden, unexplained outbursts. he preferred shifting his mind to other things, better things. the little boy stepped out of the water and hid behind his long legs – maybe running away too, from the shells washed ashore. the view was indeed splendid, cian wanted to frame it. and not in a picture, or an artwork – in his mind. he wanted to make it his safe house, a place where he could flee.

her words ruptured him from his short moment of bliss. he wondered if he will ever find his way out of the labyrinth of pain, out of his tomb. the daunting pictures, and stories – he could still see them all over his walls whenever he closed his eyes. as if, he woke up. as if, he was not entirely dead. as if. “they did what human nature dictated them,” there was bitterness in his words, the very idea of betrayal made him sick. and as much as he wanted to forgive, he could not. his parent, his advisor, was the one who sent him to his grave. he wondered, if he truly cried when he died. he wondered if anyone really cried. it all seemed so long ago, yet so vivid in his mind. “not sure if you have noticed, but human nature blows,” he refrained from using harsh curses in front of cassian, it was almost a habit at this point. he used lesser curses, still enough to make him put a coin in the swear jar. the little boy looked up at him, and filled his cheeks with air. he wanted to say ‘blows’ too, but he chose to show it instead.

as much as cian was capable of actual serious conversations, reminiscing on past mistakes was not how he wanted to spend his hangover. he knew fair well celeste shared an understanding of injustice, she was pretty vengeful herself. he has never seen a firmer businesswoman – men literally trembled when she walked into the room. that fearful respect was hard owned, cian knew. if anyone could understand cruelty, it was her. but those were thoughts for another day. he diverted his gaze towards some people nearby. two women, likely friends, were picking their things up. cian looked at cassian, and the boy released his legs at last. cian ruffled his hair and offered him a smile, not a full one, but a smile nevertheless.

“I will be right back,” he announced, and left. no other words, no other excuses. it was just like him to leave like that without solving anything. it was a cue for celeste, one that said ‘I do not want to talk about it’. he approached the women, and did what he does best. but the conversation with them did not last five minutes before he his heels and returned to celeste and cassian. the women looked seriously offended, and cian was grinning from ear to ear, like he just won a car.

“they are not coming for dinner?” cassian asked innocently, perhaps understanding his big brother’s habit of brining strangers over. only, he rarely ever brought women. he cheered up a little, somehow he was able to give cassian a full smile.

“oh no, I am afraid they are too old to banter with us,” he looked at celeste, as though scolding. but it was not her he was mad at, he was not even mad. “fifty. you could have told me, you know. I mean they were down to do it with a twenty year old, but I have standards. why is it night already? and why are my eyes not working?” the little boy looked from cian to celeste, and nearly expected some fists to be thrown. but cian did not attack, instead he grumpily kicked the sand away like a child, earning him a mirror reaction from cassian, who was enjoying himself.

“mama is fifty,” cassian, innocent as ever, had no concept of age and time. cian, on the other hand, held his laughter – for one second. then he started laughing with all he got, perhaps a little maniacally, but nothing out of the ordinary.

“oh, you crone,” cian chimed playfully, only to be echoed by cassian. not good. he picked the boy up in his arms, and started running while laughing, before celeste could slap him silly. cassian giggled all the way, enjoying this all too much.

@★ cian t。ᵏᶦⁿᵍ ᵗᵘᵗᵃⁿᵏʰᵃᵐᵉⁿ it always felt like summer in the middle— even in it's chilly winter air that nipped at cheeks and tip of one's noses alike. the sun was warm on her skin, enveloping her in a blanket of bliss. summer afternoon, perhaps the single most beautiful words in the english language to the woman but winter was something else. and so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, she had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer but in autumn, right at the cusp of morphing into winter, the world lit with an ethereal ambience, as if right out of a fairytale or one of those wonderful movies her son loved watching.

"Mama, maybe we will see Jack Frost today!" Cassian had exclaimed early that morning, his little hands placed on the windows creating paw prints on the pristine glass which overlooked the city below them. the whole house burst in jolly laughter at the boyish babble the four year old excitedly burst in; Cassian brought immense and irrevocable joy to her house, warming the cold marble walls and seeping through the frosty winter and melting the icicles into drops of summery dews. the laughter caused a smile to tug at the corners of her lips, her gaze cast down to the bento boxes she was preparing with her in-house chef, her fingers busy spearing skewers of tomatoes and mozzarella together. the woman smiled to herself, lost in her own thoughts— her home had become a bubble of familiarity and joy lately and she gave the credit to the man she'd allowed in her life. Cian was not like anyone she'd ever met; he was bold and audacious, carrying himself with an air of carefree joie de vivre that borderlined dangerous recklessness but despite it, he was still a boy with the becoming plumpness of a man in his cheeks and the rare maturity he acted with surprised her. mayhaps it was the fact that she was surrounded by simple-minded men that she was taken aback by the occasional and momentary outbursts of wisdom he carried and brought with him. Celeste loved those moments; for even if she loved him as much as she loved her son, the man he showed her was someone she thought of as an equal. someone who thought like she did, step by step and hand in hand.

so there she lounged, on a blanket atop the grainy sand, her hands placed behind her so she could recline on them and head tilted upwards to the sun, letting the rays caress her visage as if being kissed with gentle pecks of love. a cacophony of seagull gawks met the joyous giggles that resounded next to her and the waves that crashed on the shore, teasing the sand relaxedly before retreating. the beach was empty save for a little dots of people that littered the sand far and wide to the sides and the little family of three so Celeste took this as an opportunity to ease herself into a simple woman, out of her comfort zone which were board meetings and business deals and into one she rarely played, a mother.

and she loved being one, knowing all too well that in her previous life, the one where she burdensomely yet proudly bore the weight of the crown on her head, she didn't have that opportunity. history, in all it's twists and turns, had painted her to be a woman who despised the idea of having a family, portraying her as greedy and power-hungry brutally so. to be fair, she was. but she had also always loved the idea of raising her own offspring. like her mother did her. alas, it was a man's world and she lived in it, willed it to shift at every snap of her fingers albeit it being slow progress. yet it worried her— the world, despite how progressive it claimed to be, the challenges, the hurdles and twists grew harsher daily. was that a world she wanted Cassian to live in?

a rowdy gruff followed by amused giggles wrenched her out of her reverie, gaze flitting to where her son and Cian sat playing together. if Cassian had the older man, he would be fine, she was sure of that. the thought itself brought a smile to her lips, much unlike the stoic woman she seemed regularly. if one saw her now, they would likely trip over their own feet —she had the ability to smile? what a shock for the heartless businesswoman!

but it faltered in shock as Cian bolted from his spot in the sand, knocking over the small boy whose face began trembling with upset, tears pooling into pools of warm chocolate. the older boy had rushed off to the shore and in the span of moments, Celeste could note the tension in his broad shoulders and she immediately knew— history had not done him well either.

she was quick to pick up the crying boy, who braved himself with a boyish yet apologetic grin, wiping his face with the back of his hand. Cassian wasn't worried about being hurt, he was more concerned that his best friend, his older brother, was upset. Celeste craddled the little boy to her side, traipsing along the sand to where Cian stood, losing himself in the view of the horizon. The sun had begun setting, looming right over the edge before it begun it's dip for the nighttime, the impending twilight one meant to be colorful. Cassian struggled in her hold, wanting to be let down and she caved, letting the little boy on his feet and he was quick to latch onto the older man's leg, the small bundle of joy drenched in the matter of moments from the incoming waves.

"It's a wonderful view, is it not?" she began, nodding towards the horizon. a breeze picked up, tousling flame colored hair and she lifted a hand, wrapping her finger around a strand so she could curl it behind her ear. "everything just melts away and it's so peaceful... so serene."

she loved watching sunsets— perhaps it was the fact that she was simply an avid enthusiast of the way the day dipped into night or maybe it was how with every sunset, a new dawn was promised, she loved them regardless. she inhaled a breath, the salty stench of the sea attacking her sense of smell as she turned to face the man, eyes the color of emeralds catching the sunlight and reflecting specks and dusts of gold. they were knowing gaze, wise beyond her human years in the middle and they bore into his soul when needed. like at that very moment, even if the tongue she spoke was soft, the lilts reminiscent of her home's accent. "that is one morbidly sad memory to hold, Cian. they did you so wrong, didn't they?"

@✷ celeste b。ᵉˡᶦᶻᵃᵇᵉᵗʰ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᶦʳˢᵗ there is a lot that can be said about family – most words escape him, he has always felt perpetually alone. even with loving parents, and a family ‘business’ to look forward to, cian was still the same lonely pharaoh, closing an eye or two at advice from the elder. in a way, he envied all those who were fortunate enough to live their first life knowing their parents, having them by their side, whispering words of love in their ear before they go to sleep. or, those parents who embrace them when something goes terribly wrong, when grief overcomes them, when the world is simply too cruel. those people might have it better, they might not need to come back and live again.

cassian had one of those parents – a mother who would give everything, and anything to see him prevail. the first months living with the two were an unwritten torture for him, and he felt deep in his bones that he needs to escape. he was asked to keep an eye on the baudelaires, given they were old family friends. by friends, one could only mean business partners – the tyrees never had friends, only a lifetime full of enemies and acquaintances. but business is business, and the tyrees did not like to have any of their business partners unsupervised. they needed leverage, and if push comes to shove, a bullet through the skull usually does the trick. the family scene made him sick to the stomach, and his fingers irked to grab something that did not belong to him, his mind wanted to betray this closed bubble. however, cian’s heart – that was another matter. be it drowned in chemicals in a jar somewhere, it still worked annoyingly well. his stern face would not betray his inherit loving nature, sometimes it was painful how naïve he was in such matters. like they say, children are able to love anything and anyone, without judgment, with curiosity, with all their being. but unlike children, cian knew how easily that fleeting feeling of first love could be betrayed. he had one too many night stands, one too many people he admired step on his neck, and prove him that there is absolutely nothing redeemable about the twenty-first century. nothing, but celeste.

the woman did not fail to surprise him, and it was not like he did not try to find her flaws, and justify a sudden departure based on the several things that were wrong with her. but for whatever reason, he did not have the heart to do it. perhaps he found in her a companion, a parental figure he never had, despite having both parents still alive and very much interested in his existence. and then, there was the matter of her child. at first he was hesitant to form any type of connection with the young boy, his natural reaction to any child is wrapped in an unexplained fear. they represented for him everything he wanted to abandon in this life time: commitment. not to mention holding any tiny hand brought back the surging pain of a lifeless baby in his arms, and how he cried himself to sleep in his kingly chamber for not hearing that baby cry.

despite his hesitance, they bonded quickly, with little to no room for mistakes. he saw the boy much like his own, or maybe a younger brother ready to face the world. he did not hold back from sharing wisdom, and his knowledge about the world – with the occasional trickery, and cockiness. he liked to believe he had a hand in the boy’s natural playfulness and self-confidence, but he knew fair well he was the breathing image of his mother. so, cian stuck around. even though he did not abandon his travels, or his occasional escape episodes, he never failed to return to them. be it because he viewed them as family or as business, he always came back. and he was not planning on going away any time soon.

there was nothing extraordinary about today, the weather was pleasant and warm, and cassian was loud as usual. perhaps having a hangover on such a pretty day was not ideal, cian was forced to wear sunglasses and drink juice. the last time he tried to have alcohol on a hangover, celeste slapped the drink out of his hands in front of someone he was courting. the ‘mother-do-not’ type of embarrassment was something cian was trying to avoid, so he settled for a coke. cassian insisted no drink should be this dark, but cian lifted it up at the sun and made a good case of ‘coke is transparent’. enough to convince the boy he had to try it – cian joked it would be over celeste’s dead body. but perhaps he promised to buy some coke gummies in the afternoon. they were at the beach, and if the little boy loved anything, it was running around aimlessly, feeling the sand between his toes and in his underwear. meanwhile, cian preferred the serenity of the beach, and the sound of the water. he felt revitalised around water, and the beach has always been his favourite. he did not entertain the young boy with small games, truth be told, his headache was too pressing for anything but lounging around in the sun.

at some point the little boy started burying him in the sand, and cian did not mind at first. in fact, he did not really say anything but lay around, eyes closed. until he found himself buried neck deep in the sand with cassian grinning over him. cian’s panic was perhaps misinterpreted, because his violent yank out of the sand knocked cassian over. cian fell on his knees panting, pressing a hand over his chest. he heard movement in his mind, and the sound of big blocks of cement moving around. he closed his eyes and saw the inscriptions in his tomb, and the drawings that were meant to guide him to peace. but there was nothing peaceful about being murdered, or buried alive. he crawled towards the water, leaving cassian behind puzzled. when he reached water, he was able to calm down. he did not look behind, perhaps he was ashamed of having such a reaction, perhaps he was yet again immature. he heard wet footsteps approaching, but he did not budge. he suspected it might be celeste, and he did not find a good enough explanation for his outburst yet. so he said nothing, and did nothing.