↬ library.

@⁰² ungjae n. She didn't really expect him to say anything. Sometimes, she wanted to vent to let out her thoughts or she'll explode. "I do have four years to decide. It'll give me time to think." That was the great part about this, she had time to think and explore her options in a limited time. "I figured it'll be the easiest way to get a job. Everyone graduates and have the expectation to work for Samsung or LG. People will always need a drug dealer." She said with a shrug. She wanted job security and know she can work anywhere and find a job.

"I could never understand how people code. All the letters and numbers seem so confusing." She tried before but the amount of information was overwhelming for her and it was easier to find someone else to make a pretty blog for her. "I find that pretty amazing you're making it through school with it. I heard of people moving to America and making a ton of money. That seems like a dream." She thought coding was a pretty easy choice in having a stable lifestyle. "I think if it's difficult, you'll succeed. You'll take your opportunities less for granted compared to someone who waltz through it."

@⁰¹ yoohyeon k. Listening to her speak, Ungjae nodded his head slowly. "I see." He said, in a somewhat monotone voice. With her explanation, a lot of things now made a lot more sense to him. Though, Ungjae wasn't quite sure what he should say next. He didn't want to say something that made it sound like he pitied her or pretend that he could understand because in reality, he could not. He could only attempt to imagine and try to picture what that would be like, because while his family wasn't extremely rich or wealthy, they weren't exactly poor or struggling either. They were just somewhere in the middle, not living lavishly or luxuriously, but also not living paycheck to paycheck or barely making ends meet.

"A pharmacist? That's an interesting choice, is there something specific that makes you want to be one?" Ungjae asked. He could only imagine how difficult the classes that she had to take were for something related to medication. That coupled with her family's financial situation and having a job as well definitely explained why she was feeling the way that she did. "Well, you have 4 years to decide on that, right? I'm sure you'll be really successful no matter which one you choose to do. " He said with a grin. "Oh, me. Well, I want to become a Web Developer or Web Designer, but coding can be pretty difficult and frustrating at times. I feel really behind others at times and I often really question if it’s the path I want to take and if I will be successful. I did initially want to pursue graphic design but I know that it can be very hard trying to find a job for it so I kind of gave it up and decided to pursue something where the demand is constantly growing and has great pay.”
l

@⁰² ungjae n. She thought about it carefully before answering. There was no shame in her background but she didn't want any sympathy, only solutions. "My family is quite poor and their heads was barely above water with me working also. I don't want to chance it and make things worse." Maybe they would have been able to float by if she stopped working. She truly didn't know. "I don't mind questions. I don't have anything to be ashamed of. All throughout high school I tried hiding that my family was poor and it was exhausting making up excuses."

"I have a hard time grounding myself to the present. I should enjoy it more." She was always worried about tomorrow, it was a bad habit. "I understand." She said smiling. "I want to become a Pharmacist. I'm not quite certain if I want to work the retail side or open my own business or a different route." She had a lot of ideas at times but it was still quit vague as to what she wanted to do. "What about you?" She was very much interested in catching up and seeing how her old friend life was coming along. This was a pretty good distraction for right now and maybe what she needed.

@⁰¹ yoohyeon k. "Wow, that's gotta be pretty rough, I can definitely see why you'd be struggling now." Ungjae couldn't imagine trying to hold down a job and focus on his studies as well. Without a job, he still felt like he was drowning with assignments and deadlines, but Yoohyeon had an actual reason for feeling the way she did. "I hope i'm not intruding too much, but is there a reason why?" He asked with a bit of hesitation and regret. "It's okay if you don't want to answer, I probably shouldn't have asked that.." He added on, voice getting quieter towards the end.

"That is a possibility, one I try to not think about a lot honestly. But it does still cross my mind at times. I guess I just try to keep my mind focused on the present. Make it through college and to graduation before worrying about what can happen after, right?" He said with a small laugh. He came to the realization that saying that may have just caused her to to worry even more about her studies now. "I know that way that was worded may not be very reassuring, but the gist of it is just to kind of take it one step at a time and focus on the present. What exactly are you planning to pursue?" Ungjae asked, head tilting to the side a bit.

@⁰² ungjae n. "I still do it which is why I've been so tired lately." She said while ruffling her fingers through her hair. She was barely scraping by with income and her family depended in the money to support them also, not working wasn't an option. "I think my job would be a little easier if I was a fan of coffee." She could never get over the taste of coffee and she wasn't a fan of adding mixtures to her coffee.

She didn't want to think about how the job market will be after she graduate. "What if it's not?" She didn't want to wander down that path but no one really talk to you about the downsides. "We graduate and then what?" She didn't know what the first step to take after. "That's the part that scares me the most. It's like a void." It was nearly impossible for her to visualize her life after graduation, ideally she'll be a pharmacist but what else?

@⁰¹ yoohyeon k. "I see. It's good you were able to find some type of comfort in doing it. So, does that mean that you are no longer a barista?" He asking, assuming that she had likely quit the the job in favor of school. He figured that balancing both school and a job could be quite difficult, especially during your first year. Ungjae had never actually had a formal job himself, as his parents gave him an allowance. Eventually, he had to grow up and realize that this wouldn't always be the case and he'd have to learn to be an adult and make it on his own. It made him admire Yoohyeon a bit, though he knew it was usually the other way around as many others would love to get money without doing any actual work.

"I think, a good amount of people feel that way when it comes to college. The small amount that don't likely have their parents or some type of fund that they could easily fall back on. That or they're just naturally gifted and everything comes easily and naturally to them so they have very little to worry about." He stated. She was right about Ds being enough to graduate and get a degree, but Ungjae knew that just barely passing wouldn't exactly be a great look when it came to potential future employers. If others with the same background applied, they'd for sure be the ones that employers would be more interested in and willing to give a chance. Nevertheless, he verbally agreed with her. "That's true, it should all be worth it in the end, at least that's what we're lead to believe."

@⁰² ungjae n. "That's true..." She said nodding. They haven't given up just yet. She felt like she was aiming for the same goal by going to college and getting into a lucrative career. Her only goal was to be stable and never eat a cup of ramen in her life again. "At least here, I can have a moment to myself." Time was a luxury to her. "It's not very difficult at all. After a few weeks, your mind goes on autopilot. It's fairly calming." There was something about mindless work that was relaxing to her.

"I totally understand. There's been days where the only thing that filled my stomach was water. Everyone complimented me on my weight loss." She knows if she quits, unless she finds a rich, handsome man who was willing to fund the rest of her days she won't have an easy life. "It's just nice knowing people feel the same as I do." She said softly. "I guess we should skate by on the fact Ds get degrees." She joked. "It's reassuring to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. It feels trapping since you're expected to live a certain way and when you don't, you're the odd one. I know this is all for the better and I keep repeating it to myself. I guess it's worth it once we have the degree in our hands, no?" Sometimes, she needed to be grounded and realize not everyone's life is a waltz.

@⁰¹ yoohyeon k. Ungjae nodded his head a few times while listening to Yoohyeon speak. The two seemed to be in similar situations, at least that's what he was led to believe based on what she had told him so far. "That's true, at least neither of us just gave up completely.” He said in a somewhat joking manner. Honestly, Ungjae hadn’t really kept in contact with any of his old friends after high school. They all seemed to have a lot going on in their lives, big plans or other matters, while he wasn’t really sure what it was exactly he wanted to do with his life. Even being in college pursuing something specific, he felt like he was just trying to follow a path to a career he knew would pay very well and keep him financially stable in the end.

“A barista, that’s cool. I don’t think I could ever handle making all of those different types of drinks for people.” Though it felt like she may have been omitting some things, he wasn’t going to pry or try to dig deeper into anything at the moment. He shook his head a bit, waving his hand. “No, you’re fine. I can honestly tell you that I feel pretty much the same a lot of the time. I’m not doing so amazing in comparison to a lot of my peers. In fact, I’m usually just barely skating by and feel like I should switch majors or just give up completely. The main thing that has really kept from doing that is the fear of extreme poverty and financial distress.” He responded, realizing that what he said may have just made things more stressful and caused her to worry more instead of being of any type of reassurance. “Um, what I mean is that I keep pushing and trying because I know college is supposed to help set me up for a better life.”

@⁰² ungjae n. She never did speak much about her home life, there wasn't anything impressive about her family or life. It did make her feel a little relieved she wasn't the only adult student beginning her education. She had lost contact with a few high school friends but she figured that was how the adult world worked. You slowly drifted off into your own lives and wonder how are your old friends are doing now. "Don't worry, I'm only in my first year. We both made it here and that's what important." It was a message she was trying to convince herself.

"It has." She said slightly wistful for her high school years. "I've been mainly working as a barista. I wanted a gap year and it took two...three...four, well, anyways." She said while shaking her head. "I've been trying to focus but it's..." She paused trying to find the right world for it. "It's just depressing. I still don't know why I'm here, I feel like I'm so far behind compared to students who came straight from high school. I'm older than everyone else, my scores aren't where they should be." She sighed before looking up at Ungjae. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to ramble on. This should be a light conversation."

@⁰¹ yoohyeon k. “Graduated? Oh, no I'm actually only in my second year." Ungjae replied with a sheepish laugh. “I kind of messed around for a while so I’m not exactly where I should be, though I’m not exactly proud of it.” He added on, trailing off in the last few words. It had been quite a while since Ungjae had last seen Yoohyeon. After high school ended, the two had just sort of lost contact and drifted apart. While the two had been friends back then, he had to admit that there was quite a lot that he didn’t know about her, such as her family or home life. To be fair, the same could be said about him, though there was really nothing out of the ordinary for anyone to know.

“Yeah, it’s been a minute, hasn’t it?” He asked as more of a statement than a question. Not wanting to shout or talk so loudly across the library, Ungjae gathered his things and made his way over to where the other, taking a seat. “So, what have you been up to for the past few years?” He didn’t recall ever seeing her around on campus, but then again, he was often just focused on himself so it would make sense for him to have noticed her. “Have you just been laying low and focusing on your studies?”

@⁰² ungjae n. She sighed softly turning the page back in an attempt to clear her head before trying to study again. The night was still early and she didn't want to stop just yet. If she went back to her home, she knew she would have fallen asleep the moment she sat down. She felt like she was at a quagmire at the moment.

Yoohyeon quickly jumped in her chair when he heard his voice, giving him a nervous laugh hoping she didn't seem like a fool. "It's me." She said while staring at him for a few second trying to remember where she seen his face before. "Ungjae?" She asked in a bemused tone before her eyes widen. She always found it pretty difficult to remember faces, it was her fatal flaw. "Ungjae! I thought that you would have graduated by now! It's been so long since I've last seen you or any of my old schoolmates."

(you don't have to apologize at all!)

@⁰¹ yoohyeon k. Staring blankly at his computer screen, Ungjae let out a disgruntled sigh before closing his laptop. It seemed like no matter how much he tried to work and get something accomplished with his coding, he never got very far. When he'd first started doing it, it was before college and had just been for fun and at his own leisure. That made it a lot easier for him, as he didn't have a limited amount of time to get something done nor did he have to know how to do something specifically after a certain amount of time. He knew that once he decided to actually pursue Web Development and not just play around with it for fun, things would become a lot more difficult, but he often started to wonder if maybe he should be pursuing something else as it often felt like his fellow club members and classmates were miles ahead of him in terms of progress. While he hadn't necessarily been the best academically in his earlier school years, he also wasn't the worst or at the bottom of the barrel. He could usually fake his way or find some way to slide by school back then, but with college, things were very different.

Now, you weren't able to do the bare minimum or put in very little effort and still expect to get by. This wouldn't be so bad if Ungjae didn't have such a short attention span and poor focus when it came to things pertaining to school and learning. While he knew it was common for people to struggle and doubt themselves a lot more in college than it is in high school, Ungjae felt like he didn't have the right to most of the time. There are people who actually have legitimate reasons for feeling this way, such as issues at home or with family. He didn't have any excuse that he perceived as valid to hide behind. This was something that constantly passed through his mind and it really made him wonder how others with those actual issues and reasons were able to cope when he struggled a lot and didn't have any of those things. Looking around the library at all of the other students, Ungjae noticed a familiar, one he hadn't seen very much of since his high school days. "Hey, Yoohyeon, is that you?" He asked aloud, his eyes focused on the female.

() Sorry, it got kind of long.

@⁰² ungjae n. Yoohyeon honestly didn't know how much more of this would be able to take. Double shifts? She was able to work them back to back with multiple energy drinks. She couldn't remember the last time she was able to sleep more than 4 hours and it was showing in her features. Her eyes had nearly permanent dark circles and her skin was breaking out in rashes from the stress. This was sending her on the verge of a mental breakdown. She was always a top performing student when she was in school. She had the praise and the admiration of her teachers and fellow classmate and gleamed knowing she will have the top marks of her grade. Yoohyeon found it easy to play the role of perfection when she was younger. Now that role has completely broken down. She was not perfect. The words struck her to her core.

She tried to focus her eyes on the book in front of her but nothing worked. Her mind suddenly forget how words looked and worked. The only thing it was telling her was 'run, Yoohyeon, run' and it took all of her strength not to bolt out of the library crying. She was stupid for believing she could go to college and actually become successful. No one in her family was able to escape low wage work. What the hell was she thinking? The stress was causing her to have near nightly crying session. It seems the only option she had not was to simply drop out. She wasn't fit to be here and she didn't deserve to be here either. A person who can succeed deserved her spot more.

⁰² sihyeon k. 1 minute ago Reply
[] rob her, bet u won't

[] rob her, bet u won't

@⁰³ bin m. it's been three hours maybe, of her flipping through books, and aggressively typing away on her laptop keyboard. egh, reading, who was the that decided she had to take a political government class anyways? with her wrists sore, gluteus maximus numb, neck aching, she lifts her arms into the air, stretching her limbs out while letting out an almost silent groan. it was time for a break, maybe she could make a run to the vending machine and get a drink. the damn machine was downstairs though and she wasn't exactly willing to pack all of her things to make a quick run. so, she quickly scans the space beside her spotting some pink head among the people close by. "hey can you watch my stuff real quick?" she whispers, it's a routine, leave your stuff with other students, it's always the safe bet. she sees what she believes is a nod, or some form of acknowledgement before she's taking her phone and walking away towards the stairs.

@⁰² taeyong l. [ content warning ]

"i-it," youngjae forces himself to pause as the anxiety blooming in his chest causes him to speak almost unrecognizably from how badly he stutters. he remembers to breathe, calming down for the moment as he was taught. the anxiety breaks its hold and retreats back into the depths where it came. he meets the gaze of a nearby librarian, catching her strict glare, and he takes the chair across from taeyong. he holds his bag in his lap, digits fidgeting with the buttons of the video games they played as kids that adorn his backpack similarly worn from time. "it's nice to see you again." he admits, lifting his gaze from his backpack to finally meet taeyong's, paired with a sheepish smile.

in his state of elated happiness, youngjae is unwilling to pause and wait for any display of hesitance across taeyong's face. he reaches across the table, eagerly taking the other's hands into his. his sheepish smile grows from the familiar feeling of the other's hands. he was curious to know if taeyong still played piano, realizing once again with disappointment that no, pianists don't develop calluses unlike cellists like him. he couldn't help himself--he had to know. he began in a hushed whisper, "do you still play pian--"

his ears ring. he feels as if he's suddenly being held underwater. he can't breathe. he squeezes taeyong's hands, begging for him to pull him out of the limitless watery depths. from behind taeyong's figure, youngjae sees her--at least the back of her.

the grand piano compliments her beautiful ivory dress. her digits dance easily back and forth between every key, yet youngjae knows after hearing her practice for several years it appeared far easier to perform than in actuality. he wants to see her face, but his gaze instead lingers on her hair. so long. so beautiful. so dark. so dark that he can't miss the ivory eye peeking through the strands, staring directly at him.

it was only for a moment that his panic seized him, yet by the time he came to, he noticed that his lower lip was buckled into a pout with tears having already collected on the table. "taeyong," he says in a strained whisper. "i'm so--i'm so sorry for abandoning you." his pout buckles into a frown, retracting one of his hands in an effort to rub away the tears despite his sinking feeling of guilt. "i've missed you, and our other friends, and playing together."

he tries to gather himself before he continues, rubbing his eyes a few more times, yet he never pulls away his other hand. the warmth reminded him that this taeyong was here, and his sister was not. "i'm sorry i've probably hurt you." he adds, redirecting his gaze to the table's surface. "i'm not sure what you've heard after..." he pauses, lowering his voice to below a murmur. "after she died." with determination, he meets taeyong's gaze for the second time. "but i can explain anything you'd like." he pauses, gaze fleeting away as his worries pull at his thoughts. "only if you want..."

@⁰⁴ mingi s. Continuing to watch him from afar, he took notice of the other male looking through a certain section of books on the shelves. From his current distance, he wasn't quite able to see exactly what type of books he was looking through; though he assumed that they were likely just books with information on a subject for one of his classes. Still, as he hadn't seen the other in so long or talked to him, he was very curious about how things had been going for him over the past few years. After the accident had happen, they'd ended up losing contact, mainly due to Ungjae not being quite sure how to continue their friendship. While they didn't suddenly become and entirely new person, the changes had a been a bit difficult for him to deal with. He wasn't quite sure how to adjust or how to act so they just ended up slowly drifting apart and neither had ever taken to time to try and contact the other. Ungjae did wish it hadn't happened but after so long, wasn't sure if he should try to reconnect with him again. Though, at this point, with it being several years later and his memory not being the same as it was pre-accident, it's likely that he didn't even remember Ungjae.

Averting his eyes momentarily, he attempted to try and regain focus on his copious amount of work and assignments. This didn't last for very long of course, as he had a terrible attention span regarding things he didn't care, and wasn't interested in. Hearing a loud crashing sound, Ungjae turned his gaze back to where he had previously been looking and saw the male along with what appeared to be several of his belongings on the ground. Not seeing anyone else around, he wasn't sure if someone had just ran into him and quickly vanished, or if the male had ran into a shelf and dropped his things. He contemplated going over to help him, but that thought quickly left his mind as he saw him gather most of his things and didn't appear to need help. Despite this, he still made the decision to approach the other anyway. While he would do it under the guise of trying to check and see if he was okay, the main reason was just for him to see if the other remembered him at all. "Are you okay?" Ungjae asked, offering a hand to help the other up from the ground.

@⁰³ youngjae c. for the most part, his life had been easy. while hiding his identity from basically everyone he knew was immensely tiring, taeyong realized that attending a university far from his hometown helped in that. of course, the only person who was aware of his royal blood was jaemin, but he knew the boy wouldn't speak a peep of it.

without his past, his duties as prince, and any of the burdens of being the sole heir of their lineage to burden him on a daily basis, he had been able to truly spread his social wings. university had been eye-opening, in more ways than one.

most of the days, taeyong was as bright as the sunshine. radiant, warm, nurturing. however, he was only human, which meant he had his off days too. there were times where he was unable to cope with either the stress of school or his social relationships. whenever the pressure from one side pressed on him too hard, he would delve into the other to release some of the stress. hence, here he was, buried in his books.

on such a melancholic day, taeyong liked to venture back into his past. days spent in the playground with his friends, playing tag. his school friends, blissfully unaware of the duties he had to carry out even as a young boy, always teasing him for being so 'mature'. then, the few friends whom taeyong kept close enough to let a glimpse of his true nature.

like youngjae.

often times, he reminisces the good ol' days youngjae and him spent together. whether it be in music class, or merely watching a movie at youngjae's house, with his sister taking care of them, they always enjoyed each other's company. though youngjae wasn't aware of taeyong's heritage, there was this aura around the boy that allowed taeyong to relax his barriers just a bit. youngjae would never hurt him.

taeyong was simply too naïve, however. he wore his heart on his sleeve, and allowed people to trample over him without a word of complaint. which was why he simply allowed youngjae and his sister to disappear from his life without an explanation. he ignored the way his heart had shattered repeatedly at any reminder about the people whose arms he considered a second home.

now, years after youngjae's disappearance, taeyong still wondered. wondered whether they were okay; wondered if they found better friends; wondered if he could have done better. it was fruitless, as always, but taeyong liked to indulge in some self-inflicted pain now and again. it was one sure way of making sure he was alive.

while the blaring music in his ears allowed him to drown the pain, slowly, what it failed to prevent was the way his heart startled from the sudden disturbance. unfocused eyes, one that had been lost in dreams of the past, struggled to fixated upon the man before him.

what he saw didn't make sense.

those features, now thoroughly developed, were strikingly familiar. familiar in the way he had stared at them every day after school. in music class. in bed beside him as they stayed up past bed-time to read comics. eyebrows furrowing, taeyong reached out, unsure whether his past had come back to haunt him. was he on the path to losing his mind? had all the good karma he had acquired in his life not enough to defeat the demons of time long gone?

switching off his music, taeyong riveted his large, doe eyes onto the man before him. he took a moment to simply drink in the sight, turning over the way his own name sounded so familiar yet foreign from those lips. then, he whispered.

"youngjae?"

@⁰² ungjae n. After attending to her classes and for her health club’s needs, Hyejin gotten the rest of the day off today to do whatever she wanted. She decided to get some research done with the brain. She was aware that she shouldn’t push herself about what had happened to her in the accident, but she would also feel frustrated for it, blaming herself for not knowing about the situation. Back then it was for her to remember to get things done and remember times to meet for clubs, hang out with friends or to do assignments on time. But since high school, she struggles to remember certain things from time to time. So she always has to have a planner on her phone, to remember dates for occasions and a small diary, for what she did throughout the day and of those she’s met. Hyejin would feel horrible for forgetting anyone that she’s met, and has felt guilty for those she’s met before but could not remember. Sometimes she would get lucky and begin to remember them, but it would hurt her head and give her various headaches, from ones she can handle to others where it’s just too much for her to the point where she would faint.

Even though Hyejin managed to get her work done on time, she still preferred to spend time with friends, hangout and explore the city and new foods. And yet, here she was in a university with not many friends to come around. The friends that were in the accident with her were her main group of friends. But some had passed from that terrible accident while others she kept a distance to, aka her dad would make sure to keep them out of her way, knowing that she had completely forgot about them and felt like they would be a bad influence on her. As she was in the back of the library, looking through the brain/health section, someone had bumped into her causing her to fall on her hands and knees, a loud thud could be heard through the quiet library. Heads turned to her direction as whoever bumped into her had left without apologizing, leaving her there, flushing in embarrassment as she kept her head down, picked up the scattered books, along with her diary, which was a bit further than her, unaware of a certain male’s gaze on her.

@⁰⁴ hyejin a. With his classes finally being finished for the day, Ungjae made his way into the library, deciding that he would try to spend some time studying and researching for his assignments. He wasn't usually the best when it came to things like studying and completing work in a timely manner, and was much more of a procrastinator. Still, he'd forced himself to at least try today and not put it off for several days in an attempt to keep him from falling behind and/or having to pull several all nighters trying to get everything finished at the last minute. Upon entering the library, he looked around the room and took notice to all of the students who were scattered about either at tables working on assignments or browsing through books on the shelves. Seeing all of the people focused on working caused Ungjae to feel the strong urge to leave the library and do anything else but work and study, though in the end he gave in.

Letting out a disgruntled sigh, he sat down at a table far away from everything in the back near a window. He knew this wasn't a good idea, as the window would most likely just be a way for him to distract himself by constantly looking at what was going on outside. Nevertheless, he didn't move and proceeded to remove his laptop as well as a notebook, binder, pen, and pencil from his backpack. Opening up his laptop, he clacked across a few keys, opening up a specific webpage before opening up his binder and notebook. Ungjae was able to stay focused for no more than 5 minutes before getting distracting and staring out of the window. He attempted to focus on his work once more before taking another look around the library. Something- or well, someone caught his attention. It was someone he hadn't seen in a few years, they hadn't last spoken to or seen each other since high school and with what had happened, Ungjae wasn't even sure she'd remember him.

@⁰⁴ jongin k. pages flipping. keyboards tapping. pens writing. the silence in the library was filled with studying students doing last minute projects just before their due dates. it seemed the only sign of time passing in this library was the increasing amount of students falling asleep on their assignments or leaving to get some actual rest. youngdae was the type to procrastinate his assignments to the very last minute and this project was no different. it was three months worth of work that he had to finish before 8am - something that no human should be able to do, but he had his secrets.

youngdae had been there for hours. he'd seen students come and go and come back again more than enough times, but there was one student in particular that had been sitting near him for a long time now who looked dead tired, looking as if he were struggling to keep his eyes open, reading the same page for the past hour already. it didn't look like the guy had anything to keep him up at all, not coffee, not an energy drink, youngdae wondered just how he was trying to study without a little stimulant.

he scooted his chair toward the student and elbowed his arm. "hey dude," he called out in a soft library appropriate whisper, "are you doing alright?"

@⁰⁴ joohyuk n. taking out the container full of brownies, she opened the lid and took out one that was shaped in a small rectangular shape. her tiers grinning from both ends as she popped it in . a gentle moan of delight pleasing her savory. "is that so? eat some then. it'll energize you." sliding the container towards him, she pulled out the energy drink that she prepared with the small pink sticky note to remind him to do good and that he got this. "drink this too so you're kept awake."

@⁰² taeyong l. "i want to fall asleep, just like this..." youngjae murmurs in a dark corner of the library, illuminated solely by the afternoon sunshine peeking through the window above him. he rests his back against the wall as his lids fall, leaning against a bookshelf as he dozes off to sleep. despite his frequent nightmares, he preferred the darkness over consciousness. only within his dreams could he see his friends again. the last thing he feels is the loneliness that usually comforts him now disturbs him by how empty he truly feels.
______
his subconscious greets him with the familiar scene of his home's staircase and a familiar figure waiting at the very top.

"tau-yong!" he calls, greeting his best friend whom had long aspired to become a physicist. youngjae had similar aspirations as taeyong was his best friend after all--wherever taeyong would lead, youngjae would silently follow from behind. eager to speak with him after so many years of youngjae not daring to make contact with the other, he tries to ascend the stairs--however, with each step taken youngjae notices the stairs increase by ten. he tries to step faster, yet as the stairs grow taeyong begins to scream. "i'll never forgive you!" tears collect in youngjae's eyes as he grows more desperate, yet the panic begins to sink into his skin as if they were--the knife... he had in his hand? the steak knife from the kitchen, he realizes. he can see his own reflection in it due to how vibrantly it shines.

he redirects his gaze upward the following moment to see blood trailing down where youngjae had come from, and his sister's body was lying there. his gaze returns to the knife now covered in blood. "why don't you join her?" taeyong says from atop the stairs. "since you hated her so much."

youngjae tries to retaliate and shout at taeyong, but his lungs feel as if they were being squeezed. his heart pounding in his head, he directs his gaze downward once more--and it appears as if he had climbed thousands of flights of stairs. his sister was... so far down. he felt faint. he knew he was going to die. he closes his eyes momentarily, trying to refocus, yet taeyong's indistint, critical voice alongside a growing superstition someone else was watching enters his mind, forcing his eyes open once more.

however, the moment he opens his eyes, he's no longer on the staircase. he's instead outside. it's difficult to see, but he realizes his feet aren't touching the ground. 'it's so hard to breathe,' he wheezes, tugging at--the jumprope around his neck. the wind finally blows his hair enough for him to see his sister and taeyong on the ground, watching as his life flickers away with devilish, bloody grins spread across their lips.
______

when youngjae awakens from his nap, he realizes he slept a bit longer than he intended to with sparse moonlight peeking through the rainclouds. rain begins to pour over the course of him willing the fear from his nightmare away, and he regrets not bringing a rainjacket with him. with a sigh, he considers while he's confined in the library he might as well study... or possibly borrow an abandoned umbrella.

as he peers between the bookshelves, he locates a familiar face--yet everything else about him has changed to fit an older taeyong. youngjae's unable to think rationally, and he can't contain himself from eagerly walking over, slamming his palms onto the table where taeyong busied himself with his studies. "taeyong," he whispers harshly, trying to be heard over the other's headphones and miss the librarian's criticism. "taeyong, i have so many things to ask you."

@⁰² jimin y. () no worries at all! i get it ^^

"Love poems...you have good taste," Seungcheol hummed out quietly, wondering if the girl before him knew that was his specialty. Perhaps it was kind of cliché, sure; but for the man who had such a hard time expressing himself to the ones he cherished, love poems were all that came to spill out when pen hit paper. And likewise, they were always what he searched out on the days he wanted to feel something, to be enveloped in ideals of a pure love that the senior had (ironically) never felt. "Let's start with a classic, one of my favorites..." The older paused as he cracked open one of his books, spine so clearly worn that it was a miracle the book stayed together. "...E.E. s, 'I carry your heart with me'. It's not too difficult to understand, so it's a good place to start analysis. And of course, you can jump in and read with me, if you'd like."

It was always odd, reading such vulnerable work aloud, as if bearing his own heart for his students. And yet the words so effortlessly came off the page, switching to English as he read the first verse. "I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart. I'm never without it. Anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by me is only your doing, my darling. I fear no fate for you are my fate, my sweet. i want no world, for beautiful you are my world, my true." Seungcheol couldn't help himself but uncharacteristically smile at such words, warmed and soothed by them as he often was with poetry. "I hope that all made sense, miss Yoo," He started again in Korean, moving closer to share the same book. "For her, love is a transcendence of individuality. Every part of her has become connected to the one she holds dear."

@⁰¹ chenle z. needless to say the walk was silent. It’s odd, kind of. Having used to be able to talk about everything and anything under to the sun to not even being able to look into his best friend’s eyes. But did he have anyone to blame? not really. Many would say it takes two hands to clap, but Jaemin thinks in this case, there’s no one’s fault but his only. Ask him again a week ago if he would have done it at the party again, perhaps maybe not. what started out as an innocent kiss was now causing him his friendship with his best friend and he hated it so much. It’s soft but Jaemin catches what the other says, head turning to catch a quick glance. He doesn’t know what to say or do, torn between comforting the other or keeping silent. Instead, he reaches up to wrap an arm around the other’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m not going anywhere, not without you. ever.” he voice soft and slightly defeated.

@⁰¹ jaemin n. he hated that the boy looked like a puppy that was just kicked and he hated it even more that he was the reason that he looked like this. it did more than hurt, it broke his heart. did jaemin really have any clue what he did to chenle? the true hold he had on him? his steps slowed once again. he couldn't just walk away again, each step hurt him more than the second. he couldn't bear to look at the other, not yet. so his eyes remained trained on the floor in front of him. "it scares me, jaemin." he whispered, unsure if those words would actually reach the ears of the boy standing next to him. "it's always just been me and you...and it's all changing suddenly."

@⁰² jimin y. "It's a pleasure," The older spoke curtly, not seeming to notice or care about her slip of the tongue. Perhaps he should have been more aware of the situation before him, the way her eyes twinkles as she looked over at him...yet as always, his mind seemed to be everywhere else. And today it was where it should be, the (most definitely dorky) joy of sharing literature he loved with others who would hopefully feel the same.

Their eyes met as Seungcheol took a moment to properly look at his new student, committing her face to memory on the off chance that she'd come by again. She was lovely, certainly, with dark hair that reflected a faint blue under the harsh florescent lighting, her bright eyes seeming to be fixated on him in a way he couldn't quite place. "Don't worry yourself...I'm not one for formalities." It made him feel stuffier than people already thought about him, to be talked to like an old man. And so for now, he'd let them speak as friends. "Whatever you call me is fine, miss Yoo...if you'd like, you can just call me Seungcheol." An exception not often granted to his first time students was the casual use of his name...perhaps such a gesture would mean nothing to the average person, but for Seungcheol it was trust. Trust that for some reason, he'd chose to give the woman before him.

"I brought plenty of books, if there's any writings you're keen on," The older changed the topic, not quite interested in exploring his distrust of others, even just internally. "Love poems, grim poetry, introspective...anything can be deconstructed nicely in time."

@⁰¹ chenle z. He halts too, there’s a look of regret when he looks at chenle and his smile falters, almost too heartbreakingly. He misses the way his best friend smiles, the spark in his eyes gone like he has been through so much and Jaemin knows deep down he has and it’s all because of him. briefly, theres a flash back to the time where they both first enrolled together, there was nothing that came between them, when there wasn’t anyone nor feelings involved, just them, two best friends in the their own little world. Two best friends that would wait for each other to end class so they could walk back to their dorms together, or how they would leave first thing in the morning together for coffee albeit one of them being late and there was no Jaemin in sight if there was no chenle, vice versa, they were the perfect duo, two peas in a pod. He watches the other turn on his heels to walk in the direction of their dorms. Jaemin realises he misses normality and most of all, he misses him.

@⁰² jimin y. In usual Seungcheol fashion, the older found it imperative to get there early, bookbag slung down to the side as he pulled out his english classics. Shakespeare, Wilde, Keats all lay scattered oddly methodically across the desk before he could finally take a seat, looking up at the clock before sending his student for the day a quick message.

[Text to: Jimin(?)]
-I'm here.
Did she know what he looked like, he thought, looking down at his outfit choice before sending another message.
-The one in the grey school sweater.

Seungcheol wondered if he should tone down the brash word choice of his message before simply deciding on send, not often caring how he came off to others. Unapproachable, pretentious, rude...they were all things he'd heard many times. And though they were quite inaccurate, he never felt the need to correct anyone. Let them believe what they wanted...it was much easier than investing his time into people who would simply abuse it. A heart wasn't something that mended quickly, and those who chose to show theirs were perhaps braver than he could ever be.

He was a bit in his own mind again before he noticed a girl approaching him, giving as slight nod in acknowledgement before sitting up a bit straighter. "Miss Yoo, is it?" Seungcheol asked, dipping his head slightly. "I'm Seungcheol Choi, your English tutor...It's nice to properly meet you."