↬ parking lot.

@⁰¹ chenle z. "oh my god!"

the words of shock emitted from hyewons lips as she stared at the wheel, unable to process what she just did.

"did i just-" paused the female. she was too scared to look outside. she felt as if she had ran into something or someone, even though the stop was abrupt. she didnt feel like she hit something. yet still it was in her mind. that maybe while she was stuck in her own thoughts, ended up losing focus. "did i kill someone? am i going to JAIL."

as panicky as she was reacting, hyewon got out the car immediately. now in her reality as she wiped her tears away from her eyes. she was expecting to see a dog, an animal or hallucinate. the guilt of her irresponsibility eating her out. though all that seemed to cease as she spotted a familiar face. the same boy who invited her to the house party when she first transfered.

relief washed over her shoulders but she was still as paranoid as ever. "lele!" hyewon felt the weight off her chest as she called his name. "you're in once piece, thank goodness!" the freshman bent over. right hand on her knee and the left on her chest. the night was full of uncertainty. emotions wavering all over the place.

@⁰¹ hyewon k. what was only a couple of weeks in reality felt like a straining month to the male. a load of issues laying heavy on his shoulders without any sign of lightening up on its own soon. on top of it all, he was feeling a loneliness that could only manifest from the anguish of yearning to be where he knew he could shield himself away from the blows that life threw at him, the place that always surrounded him in the comfort he needed when he needed it. 

home.

he missed his home more than he could even imagine. the distance being more unbearable than he could imagine. maybe it wasn't even the place itself but those who he could find there. his parents who would give him comfort and solutions to his problems. a mother who had the most comforting touches, whose arms would be a soft place to land when the world's harsh blows became too much to manage. his father who was a place of stability when he found it hard to stand on his own feet and gave him the strength he needed to do so when the time was right. the number of nannies and employees that helped take care of him and fill the spaces of his parents when they were too busy with work, so he would never have to feel the cold of being alone.

that's what he felt now though. without the number of people that have been there for him since day one standing beside him, he felt that of what he was shielded from his whole life. of course, he had friends here. his best friend and those he had met through his time attending at saebom but he couldn't lean on them as he could with those he yearned for. they all had their own lives to deal with, he couldn't even consider putting his weight on them, not even for a second. 

he was indeed lucky and grateful to be raised in such a warm and loving environment, well aware that not everyone had the same luck. but as with all things in life, it had its downsides as well. the shield that was put around him from a young age ceased the growth he needed to cope with life and its trials. from the outside, he looked so well managed. as if he had everything figured out. but it was a front, a mask that was slowly cracking day by day. deep inside him, a storm of emotions was building up inside him, threatening to destroy everything in his path as they were held in, accumulating more power and size. and he lacked the ability to stop it on his own. 

he laid restless in his bed, unable to soothe his own thoughts enough to drift asleep. the sound of his roommate breathing seeming unbearably loud as his anxiety made a home on top of his chest, suffocating him slowly. he had to get out of his dorm, he had to get out of the confines of this small room, of this building. the walls seeming to be much closer than before, leaving it feeling as if he were being crushed under them. 

impulsively, he jolted from his bed and was out the door, still dressed in his pajamas and his shoes hardly on as he rushed down the long hallway. the front doors of the dormitory slammed against the wall as he burst through them, giving him access to the crisp, chilly air of the late-night that stung as he breathed it in. 

the muscles in his legs ached as they attempted to accommodate his hurried steps that lead to nowhere in particular. not taking the time to gain awareness of his surroundings, he didn't pay mind to the idea that others lingered outside. his brain was left hazy and unfocused as he trudged across the dew-covered grass. 

he was lost in his own world, that was the best way to describe his current state. it could be quite dangerous, for him to be wandering in a city he lacked familiarity in this state of mind but also in general, not being capable of looking for anything critical to his well-being. and while he had been able to avoid such things before, didn't mean he'd always have that luck. 

if it weren't for the light reflecting off the moving vehicle, managing to reach his eyes and catch his attention, ripping him away from his own thoughts, he would have met that fate tonight. with a foot already off the curb, he was quick enough to stumble backward and out the path of the car making its way by. an unintentionally loud curse of shock leaving his lips. 

@⁰¹ chenle z. among all the days that transpired, the week had been more gradual, the month had been more colder. time was as killing as it always was. everyone goes through this don't they? this was the first year being away from home and it was the worst. growing up with her mother by her side all along, it was like she was absquatulating from home and it was infeasible to head back.

hyewon lived further away from Seoul. the city life was dreamy and so damn resplendent. everything her father had talked about when she was a little girl. the countryside still had a comely place in her heart above anything else. sometimes hyewon misses her little farm area where her mother did everything to grow rice in the little field. all of her animal friends, cows and their cattles. goats and horses, pigs and chicken coops.

growing up, hyewon always had a friend to play with. mainly the neighborhood kids who lived down the mountain from her and the animals that regaled her every waking morning. in her car sat the adolescent girl who persistently canvassed pictures she brought from home. the printed photos leaving a mountain profuse of recollections, good recollections. hyewon was truly blessed for growing up in such a chaotic and ecstatic household. everyone in that mountain was kind hearted and everything that she went through made who she was today.

sometimes it's still so arduous to believe that she moved here to Seoul. the city was the dream. everyone talked about going there one day and of course so did hyewon but never once in her life did she think she would get accepted in one of the most prestigious universities of south korea. she really did make her parents and neighbors very proud of her. it was an honor being their pride.

little droplets of crystals fell down the apples of her cheeks, those that filled the canvas of her face with little specks of red or sometimes a light ponky shade like the blossoming cherry blossoms during the spring sprinkled her cheeks that it complimented her features whenever she fell bashful. the comfort of her mothers voice was everything she needed. one would say she is definitely a mama's girl but nothing is ever wrong with that. not many people have a close relationship with their parents and again, hyewon was blessed to have two astounding parents who nurtured her until she was ready to fly.

inside her conveyance was an inclemency. dark clouds on her rooftop and the affrighting rain covering her orbs that reflected the woefulness she felt of none other than missing home, the little mountain she used to roll down in. where the welkin was always blue and welcoming. the sun was effulgent and comely, expressing hello in a sing song voice. fresh air and wild animals that made it worth the while. all the stories she had to tell.

what a bummer.
what a total...bummer.

hyewon was so immersed in her recollections that she drove in circles all around the school parking lot. no one was around and it was the middle of the night. god kens where the school guards were, they weren't doing their job right thats for sure.

music blasting loud into the car, she perpetuated to drive ruthlessly. round and round like the sudden thoughts in her head. subjugating every purport. it was so hard to smile in front of people when all she ever wanted was to cry. she was frangible, she was brave. every pulchritudinous piece of art had a story to tell and here she was, painting the story of her heartache. homesickness was definitely one of the worst sickness one can be caught in.

it didn't come to mind that there were other students ambulating the campus during this time of the night, she had saw a few that were probably doing last minute studying or practice. whatever they were up to - this school had a bunch of stories of its own. the adolescent freshman was too busy worrying about herself. something she infrequently ever did and this was a moment to discern. an infrequent moment to witness.

how facile it is for someone to break down in silence and remain one of the most ecstatic people on earth the next day. no one would know what was going on in hyewon's little mind. as long as she flashed a smile. or so that's what her mother always said.

smiles help people. so smile whenever you can. smile for a blissful world.