↬ the valleys.

@⁰³ jeno l. “All mine?” he repeats in the softest voice he could muster. He couldn’t even remember a time that he’d been this elated — blessed even, given that Jeno was god-sent — he could barely conceal the happiness written all over his face, not when his heart is soaring in his chest, the tiniest smile creeping to his lips, eyes mimicking those of his lover’s as they crinkled at the edge.

After all these years, he could finally call Jeno his.

“Yeah.. all mine.” He replies in a soft shaky breath, he doesn’t even want to entertain the thought of letting the other go, never again. However, there’s a small protest that leaves his lips as the other parts off, even just that for that little moment, he already misses Jeno’s warmth.

But that little unhappy pout that he wears on his face leaves as soon as it comes. Instead it’s replaced with awe as his eyes lit up, widening by a fraction the moment he tilts his head up to look at the vibrant strands of lights twisting and spiralling around one another. Jaemin is glad he doesn’t miss that particularly exhilarating moment where twisted rope of light goes unmistakably pink. “wow...” Is all he manages to say, eyes fixated on the arc of green light that cover the starry night sky hanging above him, in all it’s grandeur and breathtaking beauty.

“hmm?” Jaemin hums softly, taking a brief moment before he willingly tears his gaze away from the wondrous beauty of the night sky to give his lover his full attention. It’s not the first time he’s receive those three words from him, nevertheless, it still catches him off-guard (in a happy way of course.)

“I-“ he pauses for a moment. It’s his turn this time to close the gap between them as pulls his hand away from Jeno’s hold, reaching up to cup his favourite cheeks within his palms, his eyes meeting those favourite pair of eyes that held the entire universe within them, a thumb gently brushing against his cheeks in delicate manner. He’s seen Jeno up close so many times, he can barely count anymore, they’ve shared so many intimate moments like this, but there was nothing like today, fears cast aside, filled with only the need and want for each other. “I love you too, Jeno.”

He presses a quick chaste kiss to the other’s lips, parting off with a small loving smile only to snuggle himself comfortably against the other’s side after picking up the fallen blanket on the ground to wrap it around their shoulders again. “Baby.. “ he mumbles softly, tilting his head to rest on the other’s shoulder as he watches the illuminating night show, he knows there’s no need for sorries and thank you(s) between them but he says it anyway, eyes not leaving the sky. “thank you for loving me back, for giving us a chance and for being mine.”

The undulating waves of the Aurora Borealis that dances above their head might be breathtaking. But perhaps for Na Jaemin, there was nothing or no one more breathtaking than Lee Jeno will ever be.

@⁰¹ jaemin n. Growing up and seeing his two parents shred apart the meaning of a happy family and leaving little Jeno in the dark to fend for himself with his little plastic shovel; it was no coincidence that commitment was something he’s always avoided. Think of it of being on an endless abandoned and muddy road in London, sky pouring with no remorse as each splash washed away at luxurious Bentley in black and white. Each swipe of the rain by the rapid blades helped just for a mere second before they were continuously showered by the blur of the water. Years and years of this left him blinded of a life without rain—how could you blame him if this is all he knew? If all he knew was the brief sunshine before he got out of the house and into the car then onto his damp upbringing? When both his parents in the vehicle would share no word then one day he’d wake up to see his mother gone, Jeno was forcefully aware their family wasn’t just any family despite all the cash and status.

He grew selfish, thinking it was the best outcome since it seemed his parents did the same, but as years went by, Jeno’s finally grew tired of the rain. Eventually down the muddy road, he spotted flutters of yellows behind the cascades of the sky. Eventually, the showers stopped and the clouds dribbled; Jeno was finally able to see the sunflowers that were Jaemin’s existence.

This was the moment he was waiting for. The fear Jeno felt over the years thanks to his turbulent upbringing between two indecisive families grew into something else—the fear of losing Jaemin. The boy who’s always held his broken heart in his hands as he sobbed away his sorrows and the boy he’s been kissed to the hip at the flat age of six still by his side despite all the troubles he brought to his life.

It was no longer about Jeno fearing losing his commitment, but now he was rightfully terrified of losing Jaemin completely. He no longer trembles at the idea of himself harbouring a lifetime with Jaemin, but he finds himself cracking in an ache of the heart with clenched fists and clenched teeth when he imagines him with someone else. If there was one thing he’s always known amidst his negative deception of life, it was that nothing lasts forever and in this case, it settled quickly when he realized Jaemin wouldn’t wait for him forever and another person could love him if Jeno wouldn’t.

When they parted off, Jeno could see the green paints with shy streaks of pink of northern lights in Jaemin’s dark ebony pairs between his lashes. He smiles wide, eyes nearly pinching into crescents as he leans in to leave a chaste kiss to his lips, arms now wrapping around his middle with a mumble, “I know you’ve always been mine,” a light affectionate bump of their noses as he squeezes his frame, “But it’s my turn to say I’m all yours, Nana.”

Reluctantly, he parts off from his beckoning warmth just a tinge, evidently shivering as a breeze brushes past as he huffs brief clouds of silver from his lips. Still, a loving smile remains as he tilts his head up, signalling him to do the same. “Look up. It’s what you’ve been waiting for—the northern lights.” Just two spirals reminiscent of the two of them, above as the ribbon of other hues dance in the distance in front of the moon and the stars to see. “They kind of look like us. But hey, if you miss them, don’t get mad at me.” The colours reflect along the lake ahead of them, ripples laying still like a blanket for the earth as the wind whistles her love tunes.

For once he doesn’t feel the need to bite back his words, but he takes a nervous breath, not sparing the world around him another glance as the universe was in front of him. He was ready to say it after all those years.

“Jaemin,” he starts, thumbs brushing around his knuckles in fragility. His eyes stay still on the green flecks in his gaze, watching the sky’s show in his favourite pair of eyes. Another shaky breath, but he means his next few words with his heart without skipping a beat, “I love you.”

@⁰³ jeno l. Jaemin has the urge to lean in to close the gap between them, but instead he settles with pressing the side of his cheeks gently against jeno’s rather chilly ones for a second. his sleepy gaze travels from jeno’s visage, to his figure, watching him as he unhooks the warm fleece blanket around him only to drape it around his shivering frame. He’s left in slightly confusion as he look at the other, it’s obvious that he’s cold too but he doesn’t question it, neither does he protest when he sees that little shiver in the other. afterall, taking care of each other had been a normality between them when they both really only had each other to rely on in their younger days.

‘Stupid’. that was what he was, wasn’t he? he’s pretty sure he has heard it countless time from people around him just in short span of the time he’s in school, he’s starting to think that he’s immune to those six words. if that’s what he is from loving jeno, he’ll take it any day because there’s no a single ounce in him that regrets doing so. There’s a little pause in his head at his question. Did he know jeno was going to come back? no, not even a single hunch but did that ever stop him? not really. But it wasn’t like he didn’t try moving on, he recalls the little affection shared with jaewon.. or even renjun. But time after time, he found himself gravitating back to jeno, to the memories, to them, to home.

‘I do.. of course i do’ he wants to say, but his love for jeno wasn’t something he could simply fathom into words. he doesn’t think he’s he could ever stop loving the other not when his love for him was so overwhelming like the never-ending sky above them. his everything belonged to jeno and jeno alone. Jaemin merely hums in reply to his words, he doesn’t need to answer when jeno already knows it. he’ll wait, he’ll continue waiting, for days, months, years and perhaps an eternity if he has too, this life and next.

his worried look on his face softens as their gazes meet. it’s been a while jaemin has seen such vulnerability in the other’s eyes, the last being when they were both kids. In fact, if he recalls properly all he’s met with is the strong upfront jeno puts up. but this time it’s different, he sees the little hints of regret and sadness accumulated over the years behind those ebony orbs. Jaemin feels like he has the need to hold him, to reassure him that everything between them is all right, it /will/ be all right.

however, his world stalls for a moment as the words that he least expects leave jeno’s lips— of all times, in such a setting. he feels like he’s ready to bolt at any moment, but he can barely move or do anything when the other leans in close, so close there’s barely an inch between them, jaemin has to blink at the close proximity. There’s an obvious slight tremble of nervousness in jaemin and he’s positive it’s not because his cold. far from it even.

he can barely respond to the other’s confession, his eyes are wide as saucers when other pulls him into the kiss, his surprise clearly palpable. Jeno has never initiated a kiss between them and he honestly doesn’t expect him to, especially knowing that the other wasn’t good at expressing himself (there’s a reason they were in this position to begin with). there’s a short pause before jaemin’s eyes flutter shut, his fingers finding the other’s shirt as clenches onto it with a slight desperation.

The kiss is brief and short before Jaemin pulls away leaving a tiny gap between them, the northern lights long forgotten above them. His cheeks are tinted slight roseate, a soft breathy laughter leaving his lips after a moment. Jaemin reaches up to wrap his arms around the other’s neck, fingers playing with the little hairs at the back of his lover's head as he looks into the other’s eyes, words coming out in a hushed whisper. “i’m already yours, Jeno.” like always, he has been, currently is and will always be in future.

@⁰¹ jaemin n. Jeno knows there isn’t time for constant remorse when Jaemin shows no sign of leaving nor does he pick at him for existing. Even if he apologizes from time to time, Jaemin welcomes him into his arms and reassures that the present—where they exist, matters most.

Jeno scoffs under his breath at the fact, briefly shutting his eyes. He’ll never understand how Jaemin doesn’t smile at him without an ounce of bitterness or why he never squeezes his hand extra tight in vengeance for leaving him. He’ll never understand why Jaemin’s still stuck to his side when he decided to run, making it clear he wanted nothing to do with him, but Jeno ponders. He ponders with his gaze still glued to the flames and ears tentative to his sweet voice soothing away the occasional crackling of the wood. He ponders what good he has done in his past life to earn several chances with the person he’s hurt the most because if it were up to him on the receiving end, he would have never dared to even blink in his direction.

But this makes Jeno sure of one thing—he’s not going to it up a second time. He’s more sure and more ready than ever to never let him go out of fear.

He opens his eyes to look straight into Jaemin’s gaze. It’s a bit chilly and it rings a shiver down his spine, but he unhooks the blanket from his own shoulders to drape it over Jaemin’s frame to close him into the warmth. He’s left frazzled from the surge of adrenaline amidst winter’s baby breaths attempting to sneak under his loose white t-shirt. He looks straight at him, peering at his pouty lips and slightly pink tinge gathering at the tip of his nose. “You’re stupid,” he mutters, blankly but softly. “You’re stupid for waiting. You didn’t even know if I was going to come back—god, you’re so dumb. Don’t you know this is by chance, Jaemin?”

Jeno pulls the ends of the blankets to close Jaemin’s chest to conceal the heat but not before he tugs him, slightly bumping their noses as his brows knit. “You love me so much,” it’s a brittle laugh, lips pulling upwards. “It’s stupid how much you do. You say you’re not waiting, but I would be a fool to think that. Jaemin, you’re still waiting for me, aren’t you?”

He grip loosens to scale his hands upwards, but he still maintains the proximity. He doesn’t care if Jaemin could see the vulnerability in his expression—seeing the hints of regret, sadness, and him losing bit by bit as the moments go by. “You don’t need to wait anymore, Nana,” he whispers, thumb lifting up to brush along his jaw, expression now fond and light. He finds himself kneeling in front of him, still clutching at the blanket as he smiles wide with the light shake of his head, words not quite aligning with his expression. “Don’t wait for me anymore,” he leans in so close their lashes and nervous breaths nearly mingle. His eyes falter down to the lips millimetres away from his own as his heart rages in his chest.

Just moments before he hushes one last thing, he looks at him dead in the eye.

“Don’t wait for me anymore because it’s my turn to get you.”

With that, Jeno closes the distance of their lips with the tilt of his head, eyes fluttering shut as he tugs him closer.

The first ever kiss he’s ever initiated with Jaemin just in the same moment the greens of the Aurora Borealis rupture along the skyline. Just two helixes dancing under the stars and above their heads alike a soulmate’s routine.

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@⁰³ jeno l. at five years old, was the first time jaemin met jeno, the young toddler carrying a cup of fruit punch he acquired from his nanny in his little small hands, his two little feet bringing him around the party not knowing where he was gonna go when he bumped into the older male, spilling the juice all over his white suit. Jaemin remembers crying over it when he looked up meeting a set of angry brows, big eyes looking intensely at him that night but that was the start of their blossoming friendship.

at ten years old, the other male had become a constant in the younger’s life over the years. jaemin started looking forward to each day where jeno would come over since they stayed in the same neighbourhood, or their summer and winter breaks that spent together, whether in town or outskirts of seoul, whether it was a simple outing or short trips.

at twelve years old, was when jaemin and jeno saw fireworks for the first time together at a festival. The place crowded and packed with people, he remembers getting lost in a huge throng of people while looking for a gift for jeno, one that still remains with his set of keys. But it was that very moment when the fireworks started, that jeno found him, the look of worry written all over his face.

Then it finally clicked in him. He had fallen in love with his best friend.

At sixteen, was when he finally found enough courage to kiss his best friend, underneath the same sky littered with rainbow lights, with a glimmer of hope, not knowing that he would be left with only a broken heart, tears and maybe a little regret.

That year jaemin lost not only his first love but his only best friend.

it’s stupid, he knows, pining for someone for so long. frankly, he doesn’t know how he manages to. but not when he couldn’t stop thinking about someone whose been there for him more than his parent ever was or anyone per se. he thinks back on the memories they’ve made, their small journey as best friends and maybe a little more, the footprints jeno had left in jaemin’s heart and maybe that’s sufficient, sufficient to get him through those five years (and maybe more if needed ) just to have a chance to be with him. he would like to think that everything has paid off when he hears those three words coming from the other’s mouth that very moment.

there’s a short pause as jaemin tilts his head to look up at jeno, meeting the other’s brown orbs looking so earnestly at him. he hushes the male, he doesn’t need anymore sorries for him, not anymore, not ever. Jaemin leans close enough to rest his forehead against the other’s, his eyes fluttering close, he releases a soft contented sigh, a comforting silence blanketing them before his opens his mouth to speak, “all that matters is that you’re finally home.” he whispers softly, a little smile forming on his lips. “thank you for coming home, jeno. thank you for coming back for me.”

@⁰¹ jaemin n. “You know I barely sleep sometimes, but it’s been fun that I don’t register it. I’m physically tired, but mentally, I’m wide awake,” he says, briefly combing his fingers through Jaemin’s strands with a widened smile. At this point, Jeno’s sure he looks like a nice combination of alive and dead—starry eyes hidden behind the dark Saturn rings underneath as eye bags. He’s sure his skin has dulled from disrupted sleep and prolonged drives that leave their legs numb, but if it keeps Jaemin rested, he doesn’t mind. He can’t help but to laugh softly at the kiss to his palm as both hands now cup the universe that is his lover’s cheeks, eyes now pinched to crescents. Jeno leans up slowly, lips slightly puckered as he leaves a firm kiss to his forehead. “I’d rather you be the one with more rest, pretty boy. Don’t worry about me, and enjoy the herds of sheep,” he mumbles, parting off to chuck a piece of wood at the flames to invoke a bigger flame, “Besides, I’m always alive when I’m with you, Nana.”

‘Of course, it’s why I brought you here’ Jeno wishes to say, but he could only stare at Jaemin with a fond smile stitched to his face. Briefly, he nestles his nose into his strands with an inhale, hugging him close to his chest with a squeeze of their hands. He could only nod in response, but the memories relay at different scenes of their past—their first times with angry bees, accidentally messing with a nest of wasps, running for their lives away from what seemed to be a gathering of wild boars with their short little legs. Their bruises, cuts, wounds left from playing hard as young furious boys in the wilderness. Jeno scoffs to himself a shake of his head, but he smiles at the way the flame waves her fiery wings as Jaemin says he misses him.

“I miss you too,” he hushes, looking at him earnestly and directly, “I don’t deserve to say it for leaving you—leaving us, but there wasn’t ever a day I never thought about you.” His thumb brushes along his hands, lifting them up to leave a few kisses to his knuckles before leaning his cheek into his palm. “I’m sorry I came home so late, Jaemin.”

@⁰³ jeno l. “tired, a little but probably not as tired as you are.” he replies, pulling the blanket over his shoulders as he leans into jeno’s gentle touch, reaching up to hold onto his hand as he turns his enough to plant a soft kiss against his palm, letting his lips linger for a brief moment. “you’ve been driving, jen, you wouldn’t even let me touch the wheel. Though, i must say, if i drove, we probably wouldn’t be anywhere near here, even with the GPS.” he emits a soft laughter, recalling just a few days back how they (specifically him and jeno looking for him) got lost in the city for a little all because he wanted to grab a cup of coffee. “honestly, we’ve would have been just stuck in the airport if you didn’t know how to navigate.” there’s a little smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he leans up to boop his nose lightly with his. “thank you for bringing me here jeno. it’s lovely.”

Jaemin breathes a happy sigh as he shifts to lean his back against jeno’s chest, tugging the other’s hand around his waist, stealing whatever warmth the other has to offer. He looks up at the sky fondly as he reminisces their childhood days, lacing their fingers together. “Do you remember when we used to do this as kids…?” they weren’t given plenty of opportunities, not when both of them came from such busy families, more often than not, both their parents too busy even consider spending time with their children. The memories are vague, but he remembers their very first camping trip (the one, his nanny and driver brought them to). From the hours they spent gathering wood pieces, laying and stacking them and how they finally managed to ignite the small campfire that burnt out so quickly and back at their almost perfect campfire that had been going on for hours, what a vast difference it was. He also remembers cooking marshmallows (his favourite) over the huge burning flame, only to have them catch fire, turning the small white puffs into flaming black ones. There’s a soft laughter leaving his lips as he recalls them, giving the other’s hand a little squeeze. “… i miss this. you. us.”

@⁰¹ jaemin n. Seljalandsfoss, Fjaðrárgljúfur, Skógafoss, and now Þingvellir where they sat outside the open doors of their baby blue Volkswagen van in front of a flocking flame—flakes hitting bark to bark as the sky lit of the universe. It’s been a crazy few days being alone with the love of his life in solitude, but also at a place so beautiful it renders him speechless. Iceland isn’t an place blemished with the restless city life nor is it a place of constant stress and expectations, alike their usual life. The cold and crisp air he breathes is no other than a reminder of life’s purity and fragility; the mountains he sees are truly the only obstacle he has. All his fears falter to a flatline and for once, Jeno feels at his high again, but what brings him to the heavens is being in the presence of the one he loves most, especially when it’s their first time camping alone.

It’s 12am, creeping to 1am where the cut off the light show ends—that’s if it starts.

But despite their waiting, Jeno sits comfortably besides Jaemin, shoulders brushing against one another as they bask in the silence, the darkness, and the beauty of their surroundings. The stars that he seeks back in Korea look away in shame because the sky here intensely litters and taint the canvas. He stands up from the log, hunching in to grab a large blanket to soon hook over both of their shoulders as he settles down with a small smile. “Cold? Tired? You can rest your eyes for a bit. I’ll tell you if there are Northern Lights,” he mumbles, lifting up a hand to brush away at the younger male’s strands, thumb lulling delicately against his cheek. “We’ve been running on little to no sleep for the past few days, Nana. A few minutes won’t hurt. I’ll wake you up, I promise.”