Nochu Days | What Am I To You?

so yeah...I wanted to rant about some immature fans and some of those keep bullying me for liking kpop..

WARNING: RANT AND SLIGHT DRAMA

I DON'T MEAN TO OFFEND ANYONE. I JUST WANT TO LET THIS OUT.

So for the past few years, I met some people who just recently became fans of BTS and my other bias groups. Well, some of them were good to me but most of them kept talking sht about me cuz I've been a Korean Culture enthusiast at a young age. Some bash me so I block them. Just because I was some 'veteran' in Korean Pop music and culture, some of these newbies ignored me and pushed me away whenever I wanted to start any conversations. I was trying to be friendly which wasn't really my specialty..? Whenever they fangirl, (I get triggered..af) I wanted to actually join them but whenever I get there, I get isolated. I don't know if it's just me overthinking and assuming but I feel bad. I only have a few friends in school because I know, friends come and go, no hard feelings. But it hurts, you know. I'm trying to be friendly, trying to play nice, trying to change and switch and swap words to make something interesting. I guess I'm nothing but a complete waste of time and effort, then? I want friends. I wanted people to show me a little love. I wanted to feel the sense of belonging. I'm not an attention-seeker. I just wanted someone to talk to. Don't I deserve love too? Why do I feel like I don't belong in my own school and community? When will you accept me into conversations?

Other than these cruel fans, I also get bullied for liking Kpop. Whenever my classmates get the chance, they tease me for liking Korean people whom I don't know and music that I don't even understand. They even mocked some artists about their appearance and I can't help but get triggered. ("YOU FCKING RACISTS, PRETTY CHILDISH-") I mean even if I were not a fan, if someone is being mocked, I can't help but defend them. They just don't know what they're saying. Today, my classmate kept gossipping about me using KPop songs as a basis for my cheer compositions. Well, I'm tired of this bs. He said things like, "what a koreaboo" and alike. Yeah— you I AM a koreaboo, go and mind your own business. These people are so close-minded. Sometimes, being teased by these people enraged me but sometimes, it made me feel down. Am I too weird that I'm freaking these people out? Am I that disgusting if I do love KPop? Why does it feel like whenever I wanted to do what I love, it weirded people out or drove them away...

Don't I belong?

What am I?

What am I to you?

Am I just some trash you'd be able to throw away that easily?

Sorry for the rant guys...I feel too depressed and sentimental..