my boyfriend said this in the car earlier today and i honestly thought it was quite fitting.
it's been a while, hasn't it? i hope all of you are taking care of yourselves (even though you're probably not). it feels pretty strange to log into this site, if i'm honest.
when i think of roleplaying (on facebook, when i first began), then through sites where we made it hard on ourselves (aff) and here, i think of a girl that used to sit in front of her computer for hours, or with a phone in her hand for hours, pondering the possibility of ever logging off of these sites. the possibility of shutting down the computer. i think of a girl that forgot what a typical habit was, or that forgot the beauty of taking care of a plant and watching it grow. or a girl who's eyes were peeled open until dusk only to sleep throughout the day.
i think of a time where this website was put above my own well-being, and my own friends and family. how i would cancel plans because an event was happening on this site, or i stressed to the point of breaking out because i wouldn't meet the point requirement in time at a roleplay.
all of this seems so foreign to me now.
it went without me recognizing it at first - between a new relationship and work, i didn't have time to log in and check out of reality. i didn't want to check out of reality anymore. i found myself sleeping earlier and waking up earlier, planting tons of sunflowers in my front yard, working out and taking care of myself and falling in love with life again. i go days without opening my laptop outside of work, and at the end of the day my phone battery is full. i find that my career is finally taking off, and i am going on paid business trips to the cities that i love.
i'm happy. i'm in love.
i find myself questioning how people are able to balance relationships and jobs with this site - perhaps the answer will never be found and perhaps it's not even important. regardless, i believe i am ready to log off. i'm not going to say this is a permanent goodbye, because i may slip in every now and then. but this is definitely a see you later.
i want to thank you all for the memories that you've given me (i'm not nice enough to say the good and the bad). i only appreciate the good, because the bad put me through times that are hard to imagine the pain that i was going through. but thank you. i hope to see you all very soon (please drop your instagrams if you have them so that we can keep in touch!) i hope you are encouraged, maybe even the slightest bit, to try and fall in love with life again. the beauty of it is unlike any other.
i love you all very much.
signing off.
- megs, sprezz/sprezzatura, grandemint, bellissima
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