Things I've learned

This year has been rough to most of us, as far as I know. it's funny because one year ed up the entire planet but it also taught me a lot of things. and although I learned it the hard way, I'm glad I'm able to see it now. I look back to my behaviors and think, damn I should've thought about it like that before. so I'm pretty grateful for what I've learned this year. 

I've learned that: It's okay not to be perfect. I've always been raised to be the perfect child that always gets 100% in school and makes their parents proud. whenever I would lose a mark, I would lose my and start feeling so damn guilty because my mom would get disappointed. I had the fear of getting less than full marks since so long and although I don't get it only for my parents, I didn't want to be that stressed anymore over a few printed numbers. I got to a point one time where I was so tired mentally that my grades went down, it made me feel much worse and I just am tired of feeling so insufficient if I get a bit less than perfect. so I've learned, it's okay not to be perfect, it's okay to lose a mark or two or fifty, as long as I'm satisfied with what I've given. it's okay not to do well in school and it's okay not to get good grades if it's gonna make you stressed to the max. but it's also needed for you not to be careless about your grades since it's your future. it just should be balanced, don't feel bad about your results, if you don't feel satisfied then you definitely can do better! if you can't do better, accept it. acceptance is the key to everything. so from now on, my motto is "work hard and accept the result"

I've learned that: if you're not happy with yourself, you're not gonna be happy in a relationship. this sentence didn't make sense to me last year but now I get it. you can't rely on your partner to always make you happy. and you can't just focus on making your partner happy that you forget your own happiness. sometimes things get complicated and your partner leaves, let's say you did both things stated above; how are you going to be happy when your partner isn't there to make you happy? are you going to give up on life just because the person that used to make you happy is gone? and that's what I've learned. It isn't about how happy you are when you are with someone, it's about how happy you are when you are alone. it's about what you see when you stare into a mirror and what you call your reflection. it's about learning to accept that you can be happy with them or without them. it's about the ability to live without them or not and I know people seem happy when you tell them that you can't live without them but trust me, it's not a good thing. you should be able to live without those people because, in the end, things get complicated. people come and go and you're left with your thoughts. whether negative or positive, whether happy or sad, you choose.

I've learned that: giving an explanation to your loved ones is a right they have. leaving with no explanation can bring lots of trouble to you and to your loved ones. you could be just taking a break or needing some time to yourself and poof, you disappear with no word. leaving people to assume things and wonder just why would you do such thing. they could be worried, thinking of every possible thing that could've happened to you. or even guilty, thinking of every possible mistake they've done to you. They can have a hard time sleeping at night just thinking of you so please if you're ever in such position, drop a few words to your loved ones before leaving, tell them you're fine or not, if they did you wrong or not, it's their right to know. 

I've learned that: helping people is the best way to love yourself. since young, I never liked to see anyone sad, I've always wanted to make people happy and put a smile on their faces because it just makes my day when someone smiles because of me. I've always wanted to help people feel better and cheer them up even if I don't know them; because I would want the same for me as well, because I would want someone to come to me when I'm feeling down and make me feel better and because one day I want to look back at my life and see that I made a difference, although slight but it might've changed someone's life. one day I want to look back and say "I left a good memory". yesterday I posted a blog which had a feedback link. I got a lot of messages about how once upon a time, I made that person feel better or I gave them a good advice or even changed their lives and man, it really did make me feel so damn good about myself, I felt so happy for real, I can't even describe it. I feel like I am a good person, not a failure, not a burden. Instead, I feel like I can die happy just knowing that I made a difference. even if you lost faith in humanity, you can still have humanity inside and show it to others around you, you could help a poor person on the street, give them a bit of your money, not buy your favorite drink for one day just to make them happy. you can help an old person feel like he's not alone in the world. you could get someone out of depression. Humanity is only there if you believe in it being inside you. Help others. remember, what comes around goes around.

I learned a lot more things but I'll keep it short, thank you 2016 for all the good and bad times. Happy new year everyone ♡ 

ps: the amazing people who wrote that they wish to be closer to me, please do hit me up.