ok so a lot of you, whoever has really talked to me tbh, know i'm kind of a confident person??? i'm very much comfortable with myself, both with my personality (lol sort of) and my looks (i'm freaking hot, man) but i think it's just a humane thing to lack confidence in yourself in certain areas. i could totally go in full depth conversation about how we lack confidence in some of the things we do i mean COME ON LOOK AT MY USERNAME. but i won't because a) that'll take way too long and b) it's kinda late so i'm just... not.
i bet all of you have experienced that moment when your brain just whispers into your ear (u know, if it could do that) and says "that person is better than you" and usually i'm just like "yeah ok but i could be better at them at c HESS SO WO AH GLASS IS HALF FULL" and yeah... i'm an optimist. a lot of my self depreciating is a joke and just ?? i don't understand truly self depreciating. idk. i'll call someone pretty/cute/funny/smart and they're just "no" and i have said this to many people and wELL IM STUBBORN ABOUT YOUR PERFECT IMPERFECTION OK Y O U A R E pretty/cute/funny/smart.
but you know when you're kinda being picked on?? of course, most people mean it as a joke but?????? it's just hard to make a joke out of it when you're the ONLY one being picked on and no one is really changing the subject? and it's just happening continuously? i don't experience this irl, but sometimes i do on here which really and puts me in a bad mood to the point where i start getting defensive over every little thing and start making people pity me and i j ust -- i hate that side of me, it , MAN. i don't wanna be that person. sometimes i just laugh it off or i start "crying" over it and make people laugh at me more or i start self depreciating myself which... you should never do. but it kinda triggers that inside of you because even the most confident of people can start being brough down if they start believing what people say about them. lol.
idk. it's almost like bullying pft. i also basically grew up with friends and even my NAME is one of the friends characters so i use humour as a defence mechanism kinda like chandler? i'll be crying my eyes out because wow i hate myself but i'll make a stupid joke about koalas or something because y EAH i'm a piece of that does... uh... like that. but i really do find cyberbullying not a real problem? i've never actually experienced it but i do know many who have and honestly... the problem seems to be solved sometimes when you just... boop, click a button or two. block and report. but have you ever seen that movie emily osment (lily from hannah montana) was in? it was kinda short but they kept making videos and about her being a and stuff... from what i remember, i don't actually remember the movie... i'm really rambling here bUT THAT MY FRIENDS IS CYBERBULLYING. i really don't find someone going up to you on your wall and being like "ur a ho!11!!!!1!!!!1!!" because b itch i know i am and if you are gonna continue acting like an immature 12 year old i'm just gonna block you and be over it b YE. but if they started actually spreading rumours about me being a or a homophobic racist trump supporter piece of to the extent where people actually corner me in places we're gonna ing fight man.
idk where this is going but lets also go the fact that swearing is actually really negative?? i don't know why. i mean, i swear sometimes (i say sometimes and i've probably sworn at least 10 times in this blogpost) but i there are times when i think there is honestly nothing wrong with swearing, really, but... sometimes it just spreads a negative vibe where you just kinda... start getting really angry? which one would you get more mad over: "you so ing much at chess" or "you so much at chess" i think the first one would make me angry but the second would just make me be all sassy. idk.
i probably just bored you with a really long blogpost but i haven't done this in a while and i just wanted to vent, rant, and talk with you all. lmao. i hope you found this somewhat entertaining and maybe even read all of it?? i don't blame you if you didn't. i still love you. maybe.
anyways have these wonderful peaces of sunshine because we all need them c o me on.
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