I love you, future me

and because i saved the best for the last and i like to be a lil and make people think i forgot them then prove them wrong this one's for you mama ze aka "shoganai" 

so where do i begin? first of all i know the last period i disappeared on everyone including you. i had it tough and i just couldnt be there, both for you and in general. and yes i know i'm not really the perfect "child". i've made you mad before, i've made you sad and yet here i am still, hoping that i could draw a simple smile on your face in this day. yesterday i celebrated the birthday of my real mother and today im celebrating you because you've helped me grow out to be this strong fighter that would never give up thanks to you. you have no idea just how much impact you have on my life. i honestly cant thank oct 31th 2015 enough because thats the day that i met you in, since then and your unconditional love keeps me going. and just knowing that, out there, someone truly cares about me makes me have something to keep fighting for. so let me just say, thank you. thank you for being here, thank you for putting up with me. thank you for being such a great future me. last year i was in the hospital when it was your birthday, i didnt greet you and i regreted it like hell because damn, you deserve to be appreciated, to get your existence cherished because i cant describe how much you mean to me. i know im not the best at expressing myself but when you're alone, busy or stressed just remember that there's me, somewhere out there praying for your safety, your well being and your happiness. you're always there for me, for everyone. you listen to everyone venting about their struggles and hardships and you dont ever complain, you help them, you cheer them up and you make them feel better. but i want you to know that you too can vent to me at times, let me know the struggles you have and allow me to help you because you matter as well, you matter much more. and hey guess what? two years from now ill be cuddling you on the couch and drinking your favorite tea. two years from now ill meet the one person that drove my life to the better and i cant wait because i really really love you so much, no kidding. no sweet-empty words because i mean this with all my heart. i love you ze, happy mother's day.