⚪ room 7⁴²

@[H] β☪im changkyun Hoseok nodded firmly, looking up at his roommate's face with wide eyes. "You do, and it's pretty obvious," he replied and held his hands up so that it looked like he was cupping the other's face. "You aren't a zombie yet but you can definitely pass as a vampire. Your face is so pale... That gives me an idea." He held up a finger and stood up for the third time in that room that night and tossed some red dates, dried longan and wolfberries into a thermos flask. Closing it carefully, he set it on the bedside drawer of Changkyun's. "Drink this throughout the day, it helps with blood circulation and vital energy, so your body won't collapse on itself or anything," he said, ducking his head a little bashfully.

@α❅jung hoseok "I've struggled with it for years, it's not going to hurt me just as much." Changkyun reassured with a smile. "Although I probably look like I haven't slept in ages, have I?" he questioned, trying to see if the other would notice how pale he had gotten or how his eye had turned gray in only a short span of time that they spent awake.

@[H] β☪im changkyun "Mom, like I said, a day without sleep never hurt anyone," he shrugged, sticking his tongue out playfully at the other. He rubbed his eyes gently and let out a quiet yawn, covering his mouth as he did so. He was sleepy, yes, but it was probably worse for the beta, seeing as how he hadn't slept in a really long time. Combing his hair backwards with his fingers, he tensed his back and stretched his shoulders a little. "At the very least I'll just nap between breaks. But will you be okay? I personally haven't stayed up without sleep for that long but I imagine it must feel terrible."

@α❅jung hoseok Changkyun wasn't blind, it was obvious how the other struggled to keep awake. He pouted at him and whined, "Aish, look at you. I told you, you should have slept some." he scolded, a little motherly for that matter, it was in his instincts to act like that. Knowing it was already morning and too late to hit the sheets, he stretched out his limbs and shook the hair out of his face a little. "Are you sure you can head out like that?" he asked him, concern in his tone.

@[H] β☪im changkyun "Looks like we'll have to haul it out this time," he muttered under his breath without processing much of what he just said. He flinched as his roommate snapped his fingers in front of his face, falling backward. He squeaked as he did so, and his eyes folded into embarrassed crescents when he realised what happened. "I can't get enough of that face if I don't stare," he answered without missing a beat, laying on his back while he quickly recovered. He sat up with his legs crossed and took a gulp out of his mug, forcing himself to keep his eyes open.

@α❅jung hoseok "Oh, you'd be able to see that if I you add homework to my lack of sleep. Consider me walking dead." Changkyun stated jokingly. Maybe he'd have to get some coffee later, maybe some for Hoseok too since he seemed to be zoning out a bit. With a pout, he bounced on the bed slightly and waved his blanket in front f the other's face. His roommate was seemingly staring into space, but it was kind of funny how it looked like he was staring at him. With a small tsk, Changkyun sat in front of him, snapping his finger. "Hey, I know I'm good-looking but stop staring." he stated jokingly.

@[H] β☪im changkyun Hoseok definitely couldn't hide the amused chortling that came out of him. A zombie? He couldn't imagine how sickly his roommate looked, which was actually rather saddening the more he thought of it. "That's something I would both want and not want to see," he commented, giving the other a cheeky grin. He seemed to watch Changkyun intently, as if trying to study him, but in reality he was looking through him at some unknown space. The tiredness must have started kicking in, but he hoped it would only last a for while. After all, it was almost 5 in the morning. No point going back to bed at this point. He let his mind be consumed by the cotton candy in his head instead, staring blankly ahead.

@α❅jung hoseok "Well, I'm sure they wouldn't mind. But I still remember how I was once actually mistaken as a zombie and was told that I was in the wrong school." Changkyun snorted, at least he had some kind of good memory, kind of funny if you thought about it, but kind of depressing when you get too deep into it. He was a better version of himself than before. Back then he was so pale that he almost looked blue under the sunlight, he was always tired and once passed out in the middle of a busy street. But now he was stronger and could go weeks without much sleep, the color to his skin had always remained normal, but the color of his eyes were the ones that went paler every time his health degraded. If his orbs ever reached a light silver, he'd probably be close to dead. It was starting actually, borderline to say the least since his eyes were not even brown anymore, just a dark grey that most people assume to be black. If there was something he really needed, it was sleep. Too bad he couldn't get it.

@[H] β☪im changkyun Hoseok pressed his lips into a thin line and pouted as the beta whined. "I honestly don't know. Telling you to try to sleep again is just stupid at this point," he chuckled and leaned back, propping himself up with his arms. His roommate did indeed look ghostly from the lack of sleep. "Then again if you don't sleep you won't know if the nightmares will come back. I don't know, hehe." He took a quick sip of the hot water, letting it refresh his senses as its warmth travelled through his body.

@α❅jung hoseok "But heck, how am I supposed to attend classes looking like I haven't slept in centuries?" Changkyun whined, checking his tired reflection from a little handheld mirror. The bags under his eyes were getting darker and it's annoying how he always had to cover them up with make-up. His eyes burned nonetheless. If people looked closely, what used to be chocolate brown orbs was already somewhat of a really dark gray that would start fading off into a light silver if he didn't get any sleep. Buf he couldn't sleep, he just couldn't. And his body was doing a really good job at showing it if it lacked something. Sometimes Changkyun wished he could be able to hide.

@[H] β☪im changkyun "It'll be challenging, but not impossible," Hoseok replied with a grin, but then shook his head. "I already promised I'd stay up with you. Besides, what's a day without sleep going to do?" He shrugged nonchalantly. He really didn't mind it at all. After all, he wasn't sleepy yet. Even if he was, going to sleep for only a couple of hours would make him even more tired. He'd rather stay awake, in any case.
He darted his tongue between his dry lips, which reminded him that he hadn't drunk water for a while. "I'll pour some water for myself first, just a second," he said, standing up once again to pick up a second mug to fill. He glanced over for a brief second to smile once more at his roommate while he poured the hot water from the kettle, seeing that he had brightened up significantly.

@α❅jung hoseok "I guess I have quite a long way to go, don't I?" Changkyun mumbled, his voice sounding soft once again. "I shouldn't be keeping you up like this. Maybe you should sleep now, I'll stay up." the beta suggested, not wanting his own problems to be the cause of the other's sleep to be deprived. If there's something else he hated, it was if people would get affected because of him. He didn't want to be a burden, but that's what it felt like every time.
"I'll stay awake and you should sleep. I'll be fine, so don't worry. I promise I won't do anything stupid this time." Changkyun said, attitude lightening up again as a small chuckle came from him. But now that's when he started wondering of what he should do while the other slept, since he couldn't even close his eyes without having a nightmare, staying awake was his only remedy. He didn't mind it all that much, he was used to it anyway and he didn't want to keep the other up too late.

@[H] β☪im changkyun Hoseok's head tilted up instantly, wanting to further question why his roommate didn't want to see a psychiatrist. That was, until he spotted the mist of fear that had begun to flood the other's eyes, and he himself started to panic for fear that the other would lose it again after such a short period of calm. "I-I'm so sorry Changkyun, I didn't mean to," he cried out in alarm, and waved his hands in front of him before taking the beta's hands in his. He squeezed them apologetically, looking back at the other in concern.
Great. It was barely his first day with Changkyun and he had already started to make him freak out. In his defense, he didn't know that he would be afraid of seeing a psychiatrist. However, that only meant that Hoseok would now have to be more careful about broaching the topic, if he ever was to. He let out a sigh as he reprimanded himself mentally. "I just want you to feel better..." he murmured, resting his head against his roommate's knees.

@α❅jung hoseok "Pl-please n-no.." Changkyun feels sudden nervousness and panic settle into his throat again, trapping his words. Anything but a psychiatrist. He never had good experiences with them and each one he was ever taken too never really took to him lightly as he expected. In fact, they were harsh and he was wondering if they were supposed to be like that, or maybe they were just annoyed at the fact of how much a mess he is, so much that not even the professionals could handle the stress of putting up with his problems.
The mention of psychiatrists was not something he wanted, and he would get on his knees and beg the other not to drag him to one if he had too. There was no way he was going to see one again, he couldn't trust them. Maybe he was just delusional but he could never be too sure about what would happen.

@[H] β☪im changkyun "Obviously it's not something you can do instantly but I'll help as much as I can. So maybe when your mindset shifts to a more positive one, your nightmares might slowly go away," Hoseok chirped, wanting to lighten the mood a little, give his roommate a little more hope. It was definitely going to be tough, especially on the beta. At the very least, he had someone to support him, and the alpha could only pray that his patience would not run thin in the process. In the meantime, Hoseok wanted to ensure that Changkyun felt like he had a safe place to go to.
He sat there in silence and stared absentmindedly at the side of the bed. "You know, maybe you should seek professional help. Like a psychiatrist or something, they might be able to do a better job dealing with the root of your problems. I'm only giving you support instead of proper advice," he said. It would be for the best if his roommate did that, in his opinion, besides having himself there for comfort.

@α❅jung hoseok Changkyun wanted to be positive, he wished it was easy but it wasn't, at least for him it was. But maybe all he needed was a little bit of positivity for once and stop feeling so down all the time. It was never going to be easy but it would be for the best. He couldn't keep beating himself up for this. But now the only thing he truly worried about was his sleep schedule. It was hard to close his eyes when every time he'd fall asleep, the nightmares would come back.
He didn't want to sleep through that, because he never knew what he was doing in real life while he was stuck in his own head, running in the dark. His roommate would help him, reassured him that he wouldn't leave and such. And honestly, that's all Changkyun wanted to hear and know.

@[H] β☪im changkyun Hoseok exhaled a little hard than usual, pushing out the frustration that had collected as his roommate spoke about his past. "Okay," he mumbled. At this point he really didn't what he was doing. After all, he was not a professional at things like this. "I know that this will take time, but you can try reminding yourself that now, there are people who do care about you. And remember that your brother would be proud to have seen you grow up. Maybe a little positivity in your life could help, hmm? That's really the only thing I good at," he chuckled sheepishly, glancing at the mug on the bedside table.

@α❅jung hoseok "Not really, I was just a pup back then. Even if I wanted to do something, I was too weak for it. I'm still sorry though, he was the only one who really cared for me in that damn pack." Changkyun mumbled, placing the cup on the bedside table as he stared down at his lap. It was all but painful memories for him, and he still couldn't forget how everyone looked at him when he arrived alone, slightly scathed and scared out of his mind. No, they only cared about his brother, and with that they shunned him.

@[H] β☪im changkyun "Oh, it's the hierarchy thing again, huh," Hoseok noted dejectedly. As an alpha it was not in his place to say that he could understand how the other felt, but he could see how the events had led up to the present Changkyun. "But I believe, going by what I was taught, every wolf has their place in a pack. Meaning that they are all equally important, despite their ranks. I guess your old pack was pretty traditional in a sense." He let his words hang for a minute, and sighed, before continuing. "Your brother was very brave and it's clear he loved you a lot. You said they blamed you for your brother's death. However, do you still blame yourself for that, if at all?" It was possible the finger-pointing and and lack of proper care from his roommate's previous packmates could have left their mark on his mind. At least that was what Hoseok thought. He brushed his hand across the edge of the blanket hanging off the side of Changkyun's bed and fiddled with it as his mind wandered again.

@α❅jung hoseok "Well..." Changkyun trailed off at first, looking for the right words. "My old pack just never really liked me. Like I said before... I don't really know why, but maybe I think it had something to do with one of my alpha siblings's death." he continued, swallowing down the nervousness building up in a lump in his throat. "I was cherished for what I remember to be only a few months, until they found out I was a beta and that my brother was an alpha. And since I wasn't capable of leading the pack as they said, they've always paid attention to him and pretended like I never even existed." there was a bit of venom in his tone, but his sadness was more eveident. "That wad until the pack got ambushed by a rival pack, and me and my brother were left together. All I can say is that I'm very very grateful for him, because he died protecting me just so I could escape." Changkyun's voice went a little soft, successfully keeping his tears from falling, no more crying today. "Ever since then, they blamed me for it and said I should have been the one who got killed."

@[H] β☪im changkyun Somewhere inside of Hoseok he heaved a huge sigh of relief, but the further his roommate talked about not getting rest, the more he knitted his brows. "No wonder your eyes... Nevermind about that, you clearly need sleep, but then there are the nightmares. How do we do this..." he murmured thoughtfully. He didn't have an answer. Most of the time after his own nightmares he wouldn't sleep as well, but they weren't as frequent as his roommate's, so he could still rest. "Do you know what started these nightmares?" the alpha started, a little unsure whether he should have asked that question. "I mean, maybe if we knew we could find a way to at the very least, make these nightmares less scary or happen less often."

@α❅jung hoseok Rest, it was something that Changkyun never got often. "Well that's the thing, I don't." he said, blinking his eyes tiredly. "I'd usually stay awake and rely on coffee to keep myself from passing out." his life overall just sounded so unhealthy, it was pitiful really, but he didn't want it to seem that way. "These nightmares haunt me 24/7. Heck, I can't even daydream or zone out or I'd have some voice screeching at me in my head." he stated bitterly, the emptiness of his own mind scared him since he didn't know when the nightmares would come back. He didn't want them anymore but there was something hidden by that smile, cuts and bruises that he has never told anyone. In an attempt to protect himself from his own thoughts, he let the pain rule his body instead of his mind.

@[H] β☪im changkyun Hoseok ducked his head disapprovingly, not understanding the treatment his roommate got. It could be some misunderstanding, or bullying started from some spiteful person in his community, that went too far. But he was not one to be able to judge. He knew nothing of his roommate experiences, clearly. He yawned instinctively as the other did, smacking his lips, a little sleepy.
The sleep rushed off of him when his roommate asked about him. There was nothing that he could tell him. Not that couldn't, but he didn't want to. Besides, there was no point in telling his roommate, this precious, fragile person before him, about the things that he had done. It would absolutely shatter him, but he didn't want to lie to Changkyun either. He merely let out a quiet sigh, bringing his head back up with a smile. "There's not much about me to talk, really," he started off, hoping that whatever he said next would be enough. "My past does not compare to yours, I grew up well, that's all I can say. Anyway, how do you get rest if you get nightmares?"

@α❅jung hoseok "I'm more known to be some kind of outcast back then." Changkyun explained, taking another sip as he leaned back against the headboard, letting out a soft sigh. "I wasn't exactly sure as to why they hated me. I was never given a reason nor was I given a chance to prove myself worthy of anything." he said, remembering just how unfair it was for him back then. Amidst all the troublesome pups, he was always the one who got called out even though he was quiet and obedient. Some said he had to be as rowdy as them, but Changkyun could never bring himself to do that point. He had tried once or twice and had gotten the same reaction from his elders, resent. As if he was such a mistake, they just didn't want him. Sometimes he wondered if his mother really loved him or if his father really want to admit that he was his son. Apparently not, and now he's glad that he's not with them anymore. But that doesn't eliminate the fact that he could just run into them anywhere.
"I don't know really." Changkyun replied. "Sleep is definitely not an option anymore." he said, a yawn coming in after those words left his mouth, to which he mentally curses at. "Why don't you tell me more about yourself then." he suggested, tilting his head to the side in question.

@[H] β☪im changkyun ​
"That can't be," Hoseok breathed, disbelief leading his words. "How can they leave someone who clearly needs support?" He couldn't imagine what his roommate must have had gone through to get him to this point. The pain that he was caused must have drained him so much. The alpha pouted at the thought and sat closer to the other. He watched as he took a sip out of the mug, and finally loosened up after seeing him relax.
He nodded his head, acknowledging the other's gratitude. "You're always welcome, just know that," he beamed in reply, a warm feeling rising in his heart watching Changkyun smile brighten by the second. "Don't worry about it. I'll stay up with you until class starts in the morning, so what do you want to do in the meantime?" It was okay if he skipped sleep for just a day, he didn't plan on it anyway, since that happened. It wasn't like his roommate would want to go back to bed after his nightmare.

@α❅jung hoseok Changkyun smiled, and it was no longer forced this time. "You're probably the first one who actually cared for once. Usually people would always leave me." he stated, the depression gone from his tone. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all, maybe he could actually live like this. Now the only thing he had to worry about was his own thoughts which never seemed to let him rest, and the bags under his tired eyes were clear evidence of how much sleep he had never caught up to.
He took a sip of the tea, letting the warm liquid soothe his throat and the minty scent to calm the rest, his limbs finally didn't feel stiff anymore and he was grateful. For everything his roommate had done for him. "I know I've probably said this a lot already, but thank you." Changkyun said, a smile spreading across his face as he gripped the cup tightly.

@[H] β☪im changkyun Hoseok smiled as the other accepted the mug of tea, eyeing the steam as it rose above the rim of the mug. The thin white wisps tickled his face as Changkyun blew at them, causing the alpha to blink in surprise. He shook his head and chuckled, resting a hand on the other's knee. "I wouldn't call it putting up with you, more like comforting a broken soul. Sounds more poetic, doesn't it?" he joked, to try lighten the mood. "Anyway, I'm your roommate, and as your roommate I should look out for you, since we'll be living together and that technically makes us family. Don't mind me if you don't get my logic. The bottom line is, I want to help you, like I said earlier." He didn't want the other to feel like he was imposing on him, or being a burden to him.

@α❅jung hoseok Changkyun gave a small smile, it's been a few hours since he's had a genuine expression besides he's usually dejected look. He gratefully wrapped his fingers around the cup, feeling the warmth on his fingertips as he gently blew at the steam. "I'll let it cool a little." the beta said as he brought the cup to his lap, hands still wrapped around it. A heavy sigh escapes Changkyun's lips as he stared at the blanket, "I'm glad you're still putting up with me. Heck, it hasn't even been a whole day yet." he said, laughing bitterly.

@[H] β☪im changkyun Hoseok managed a small smile at his roommate's expression of gratitude. "You're always welcome," he replied. As he opened his mouth to continue, the sound of the water boiling interrupted him. "Give me a minute, okay?" He got up from the side of Changkyun's bed and switched the boiler off, taking the kettle off of it. He added a handful of dried flowers and leaves from a small wooden box into a mug, along with the boiling water.
"And we'll just let that sit for a while," he commented, not really directing it to anyone, as he set the mug down on the drawer nearby. "It's chamomile and peppermint tea, I drink it when I get nightmares or just feel down. I hope it'll help you. But be careful, the water's hot." he explained, smiling again at the other.

@α❅jung hoseok It took some energy to lift his own arms, wiping away his tears and trying to stop himself from crying more. He never thought he'd be so grateful for Hoseok as a roommate at the moment. If it were to be someone else, they would have mocked him and left him there to cry his eyes out until his depression lulled him to sleep. Changkyun hated how vulnerable he was, both physically and mentally, and sometimes he wondered if he really was a mistake. No matter what other people told him, that's still what he felt, useless and simply a shadow in the corner.
"Th-thank y-you..." the beta had lost his voice, little to no energy left. When he said those words, they were such a soft whisper that he wasn't even sure if the other heard it.