sleeping loft 。

ΔΧΛ ³ chanyeol 5 years ago

@ΔΧΛ ³ baekhyun Who would have known that he would find a home in the boy he saved during a wild frat party? Who knew that they would share bottoms loads of memories with one another, the sweet and the bitter ones. Chanyeol is just another boy, moving along the current waves yet whenever he sees Baekhyun, he could stop, or he could lurch forward, creating ripples in the middle of the sea, a tsunami just waiting to happen. And that is all for the boy named Byun Baekhyun. He would always seek for Baekhyun's hands amongst the mindless crowd, and they do gravitate to one another, always.

So, for tonight, he shall hold Baekhyun close. He wants to remember and stamp new pictures of his lover. And he lets himself be pulled into Baekhyun's arms only to have the smaller pulling away from a while later. "Just promise," Chanyeol whispers, pulling Baekhyun right into his arm, blanketing the other like the night sky that envelops the world. Chanyeol hasn't had a lot of interest in music, to be very honest. But he remembers falling in love with a song from a musical. The words weaving into the night air as his mother and father danced to it in the living room. They pushed the coffee table to the side and danced away. At one point, he had wondered why they chose that song to accompany them when it had sounded so sullen, like wishes of those that had lost their loved ones. But as he grew older, excelling in the spoken language of the west, he understood the reason.

A character of the musical, Grizabella, a cat shook away and tossed, isolated by the other cats of the tribe wept, asking to be accepted and loved. Sure, there was no correlation until the verse:

If you touch me, you'll understand what happiness is.

And he could understand it for his happiness is when he could be with Baekhyun. The prospect of sharing a future together where they can stand equally next to one another — Chanyeol wouldn't trade it for anything else. Even with a touch of the back of their hands, happiness blooms inside his chest. Love is never a tool to help, to fix someone, but it could be a piece of the whole strength of a human. And Chanyeol wants Baekhyun to know that they shall be a forever.

ΔΧΛ ³ baekhyun 5 years ago

@ΔΧΛ ³ chanyeol All our Fergie once sang that a little party never killed nobody, yet it did nearly kill Byun Baekhyun. All of freshman year was spent easing into the role of “the life of the party”. So as to avoid that horrible burden of time threatening to break his back Baekhyun needed to be continually high. On adrenaline, laughter, drugs or pleasure; it didn’t quite matter how he got it as long as the outcome made him feel numb and euphoric. This was college, there was always a party going down and where there was a party there was Byun Baekhyun in the smack middle of it, riding the wave as he stood in the absolute center of the thick crowd of people, head thrown back as he once again got lost in that moment.

That one night had not been much different, even if he doesn't remember much of it now, for understandable reasons. He recalls getting ready, pre-gaming with some of the older frat-bros. They drank a lot. At this point it was already a common fact that Baekhyun was using, but it wasn’t a big deal. It had started back in high school with prescription pills, broken dreams and lack of better judgement. Opioids could be prescription medications often referred to as painkillers, but they could also be so called street drugs, such as heroin. Typically used to block pain signals between the brain and the body, if taken regularly they provided with a relaxed kind of high. They’re referred to as being narcotics, yet it’s the doctor with the kind eyes that first put them into the palm of his hand. Oxy had been his first introduction to his own personal hell. The first time he realized that his usage of pills was becoming somewhat of a problem was when the very same doctor threw the ‘opioid use disorder’ term into his face. It didn’t stop him from using then, he’d merely shrugged the uneasy feeling off.

Last year of high school he was introduced to the benzos, prescribed to treat the growing anxiety and the panic attacks he would suffer through whenever he tried to fight his stage fright and do those musicals that he so badly wanted to do. They enhanced the effects of the painkillers, and after experimenting with the two Baekhyun found the perfect dosage. Soon enough he was experiencing the very same euphoric high he’d first gotten from abusing the opioids. He didn’t know that such a cocktail of pills could lead to fatal outcomes.

He kind of remembers pushing his way through sweaty bodies and slurred curses, the ringing in his ears getting louder by the minute and telling him loud and clear that he needed to get away from the makeshift dance floor. He remembers, although vaguely, thinking that something wasn't going right. Baekhyun had stumbled into the bathroom to get some peace and quiet, shaken up and lightheaded. That’s where Chanyeol had found him not even 30 minutes later, collapsed onto the cold and dirty tiles of the floor, a bluish tint to his lps and the tips of his fingers, weird sounds erupting from his throat where his breathing was starting to greatly fail him. Even when an addict is no longer using they would forever be a recovering addict. Nowadays Baekhyun only went to the group approximately three times a month, he’d started going to them alone, saying that he mostly went to give advice; but those meetings had become important to his recovering process, they gave him the strength and kept him on the right course, and it was nice knowing that he wasn’t the only up around.

Even so Baekhyun’s biggest motivation to get better was Park Chanyeol. The support that’s radiating from the other boy was never far away. The amount of times that the taller had cradled Baekhyun’s face in his big hands, dried the tears off of his pale cheeks while gazing into those empty embers. It must have been more terrifying to him. And Baekhyun still felt regretful for a lot of things. Even now he wasn’t cured, but he was doing better. He was becoming a person again, who could attend all of his classes and tag along to the café or sit in the library surrounded by other students. Who went on dates with Park Chanyeol and cherished every moment that they spent together.

“I’m sorry too,” Baekhyun whispers, his voice wavering and he hated that it did. With a soft sigh falling past rosy lips the smaller off the two takes a step back, gazing at the taller for a moment before he leads him towards the bed that they shared, guiding Chanyeol to sit down before he sunk down to sit to the side of him on the mattress. “I get it Chanyeol. I do, I know how much you wanted this position, and I should have supported you more throughout the process, not get angry at you. It’s still not too late, though, right? I can’t help you with the smart stuff, but everything else— I’m here for it alright?” Baekhyun voices, reaching out to link their fingers together, dressed in a hoodie that definitely belongs to his boyfriend and practically swallowed his thin frame. “I love you.” He starts slowly, head turned in the other’s direction while he peers into amber eyes. “I trust you, I admire you, I want you. We can both do wrongs and we can fight and get mad at each other, but nothing— nothing in this world can change the fact that I love you so much, Chanyeol.”

ΔΧΛ ³ chanyeol 5 years ago

@ΔΧΛ ³ baekhyun The party was loud — Chanyeol remembers little bits of it. He was tipsy, a little high from the adrenaline of performing on a makeshift stage in a cramped fraternity building. Bodies brushed against one another, and Chanyeol cursed most of the night, feeling sweats bullet of others spreading on his buttoned-up white shirt. If it were a cute looking male, he wouldn't mind, but then, he would still feel like it wasn't okay. He heaved a sigh, taking in a deep breath before going against the current of partygoers. They had quickly moved from the band performance, and back then, the party was bobbing their heads up and down to the direction of DJ's instructions. He had only wanted to refresh in the bathroom, yet it had felt so gone, and the corridors seemed longer than they were actually. What felt like a mediocre party went to a party that he would always remember until the old days.

He had called for an ambulance as soon as his knees plummeted to the cold floors of the bathroom. A kid, smaller than him, yet he looked no older or younger than Chanyeol. If he had never seen an overdose, Chanyeol would have freaked out. He would have thought that the male was dead, but he knew that wasn't the case. He knew the look of someone died of an overdose, the images of seeing his friend passing away right in front of him — it was all familiar, yet for this small one, he still had a chance.

Alcohol, drugs — they were a synonym. Friedrich Nietzche once said that "He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby becomes a monster. And if you gaze too long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you". His friend became one, and when he spotted the boy passed out in the bathroom, he couldn't watch another becoming one, what they had shared after that was bittersweet. It took a long time for Baekhyun to open up to him, to admit that he needed help, to come out of his shell and try to better himself. And Chanyeol was there the whole time, sending support through the warmth he shared as they held hands.

When he had heard why Baekhyun did what he did, admitted that he was indeed fighting for his life — Chanyeol could see the walls crumbling down. After that session, they waited for the rest to fill out of the room. Chanyeol pulled Baekhyun into his lap and pressed his lips against his boyfriend's. He held Baekhyun's hand in his, trying to will away the jitters off his fingers. He hoped his boyfriend understood the meaning of his lips pressed against his. That he had been the proudest of the other, and his admiration for Baekhyun grew. He wondered whether it had been possible to fall in love again.

Yet he had forgotten them all, only now remembering the little things they share, and how they have supported one another. How could it have happened, he doesn't know, but he doesn't want to go through it once more. Baekhyun is the important one in his life — any research position shouldn't be more critical than Baekhyun. "I forgot our promise. I forgot that we're doing everything for us. Right, I'm doing this for me, but in the end, it's for the two of us. In the end, we promise that we will support one another's dream, and yet here I am, forgetting that there are you supporting me. I didn't keep my promise." He whispers, shaking his head, holding you closer.

"That is some sort of a punishment for me, huh?" He asks, glaring straight at his cast before he turns back to Baekhyun, offering his boyfriend a small smile. "I'm sorry."

[] that's alright, honey!

ΔΧΛ ³ baekhyun 5 years ago

@ΔΧΛ ³ chanyeol Miscommunication. If they both would just have been a bit more open with the other then perhaps they wouldn’t be in this situation. Two hearts nearly breaking, while some bones already had. Baekhyun could have, probably should have, checked in on his boyfriend a lot more. At the beginning of this dreadful month he’d made an effort to do just that, sent encouraging messages, all lined up with emojis and playful pictures of himself. Dutifully cheering the other on. He would call every now and then, but Chanyeol’s distracted replies to all of his efforts made him feel discouraged if anything.

In hindsight he should have visited the other in the lab, push past his general uneasiness about finding himself in buildings that wasn’t already familiar. But in the end he always felt like he didn’t want to bother the other, he would hesitate at the door, before slouching his shoulders and step back towards his own desk positioned in one of the corners of their shared bedroom and the mess of papers and folders left there, a creative mind is a messy mind.

Meanwhile Chanyeol had always been his biggest source of support, already back when they didn’t even now each other’s that well and Baekhyun woke up, attached to all kinds of monitors in a hospital bed. Memories fuzzy and throat feeling much like sandpaper. His eyesight had been struggling to cope with the daylight seeping in through the window at first, vision blurry before he furiously blinked and was able to make out the boy sat hunched on a chair right next to the bed, worry and dread clearly written on his face. They held hands and Baekhyun was too afraid to ask about what happened. It wasn’t long after that Baekhyun was hospitalized for real, because he couldn’t deal with the withdrawal on his own. Chanyeol still visited every day, despite the smaller writhing in pain and probably wasn’t the most enjoyable company in general. But it became a routine of sorts, Chanyeol would come in every day after finishing his classes, sit next to the bed and work on his assignments and whatnot, until putting his work aside and they would just talk for hours on end; once Baekhyun started opening up and his walls came crashing down. Everyday he got a little better.

Chanyeol was still by his side when Baekhyun was discharged and got started with the program, tagging along to every group meeting and counseling, holding his hand in silent comfort. It took Baekhyun all of four group meetings to even utter a word past his own name, having sat quiet on his stool and barely listening to those talking around him for weeks, before finally lifting his head and admitting that he too, was an addict. Chanyeol had looked oddly proud of him then. Along the lines they fell in love, hard and fast and before either of them was able to catch on and pull the plug. Not that Baekhyun wanted it to stop, all he wanted then was to card his fingers through Chanyeol’s tousled hair and pull him down into a kiss. And so he did.

Now Chanyeol curls his arms around his thinner frame, holding him close and Baekhyun is home. He releases a breath and it’s a sense of relief that washes over him as the other’s nose press against the skin of his neck, he’s not late to rest his cheek against Chanyeol’s head, hands gripping onto the fabric of his shirt while he listens. “Don’t.. please, don’t be sorry.” His heart hurts, because the boy that he loves so much has been doubting himself, has doubted their relationship. Chanyeol who had been able to see the universe that was knitted into his bones, who witnessed the embers of galaxies glow to life in his eyes again. Who finally made Baekhyun understand what love was supposed to feel like.

Baekhyun curls dainty fingers, always slightly smudged with colors and left dry with the amount of times he washed them in a day, into the fabric of Chanyeol’s shirt, turning his head just enough to press his lips against the side of his head. “You won’t fail, Chanyeol. Not at this, neither will you ever fail me. I should have supported you better, should have checked in on you more.”

He raises both hands and cups Chanyeol’s face between his palms, lifting his head in order to let their eyes meet. Thumbs caressing the soft skin beneath them, and Baekhyun peers into those rich pools of browns which he first drowned inside such a long time ago. “Let’s do this together, alright. I am so sorry. Let’s never give up, on us or ourselves, alright?” He starts with a sad smile, before swiping his tongue across his bottom lip and continuing. “But, the call about you being at the hospital, it scared me less. Alright?”

[] oh my god, forgive me for turning this into a whole book wt ; o ;

ΔΧΛ ³ chanyeol 5 years ago

@ΔΧΛ ³ baekhyun Then, what else could it have been? Baekhyun looks so distant that Chanyeol starts to wonder whatever could he have gotten it right? He agrees, a month MIA is long — admittedly, too long for a couple who is barely entering a year into their relationship. A year has been too fragile, but they are both busy with their little things. Baekhyun may not know of this, but every day, Chanyeol makes sure to check on him through his social media. He wonders when the other would post another art photo or a review; patiently waits for one. When there is nothing new on his timeline, he sets his phone aside to focus on the codes in front of him that continues to grow as hours go by. Yet, the machine next to him doesn't seem to start. He wonders if he could go through another day of this. Working in the lab is lonely. Not a lot of people come in, and most of them leave by dinnertime, coming back the next morning. But, Chanyeol couldn't afford any of that, as much as he wants to go back to their shared room and see Baekhyun waiting for him.

Chanyeol watches and doesn't speak a word; his eyes turn glassy. Chanyeol isn't sure of what to say or what to react, but he lets the male in front of him holds his hand. Slowly, he casts a glance over to their hands, his casted arm a glaring warning. It is as if it is there to tell him, that this is one more chance, an attempt at redemption. Or else, Baekhyun will walk out on him, and he will lose this lingering warmth. Chanyeol doesn't want that. He wants this to last — he wants to be together with him.

He remembers the little dreams they talk at the hospital bed. Baekhyun hadn't been able to sleep. So, Chanyeol, in the pretence of a friend caring for another hopped into bed. It was cramped, their breath lingering in the small space between their face. And all night, they talked about their dreams. They talked about visiting art museums once Baekhyun was discharged, and getting a pair of mugs and plates when they return to school. And they even talked about doing movie nights and heading into the club during a few weekends. Everything was laid out yet here they are, stumbling and nervous around one another.

So, he hugs Baekhyun tight, arms winding around the other frame. He couldn't let go now. He doesn't want to do any of it without Baekhyun by his side. He wants to do all of it because of Baekhyun. "I don't want this to end too. I don't want to do any of those things we talked at your hospital bed — if they aren't done with you. I am so sorry." He whispers, voice hoarse, eyes closed.

"I'm sorry, I have messed up. Truth to be told, Baek," He quietly whimpers, burying his face into the crook of his boyfriend's neck. "I'm scared. I thought that if I leave the lab even for a day or a few hours — I will fail. Every day, I look through social media, waiting for you to update. But then, I get caught up with work that I forgot to send you messages." He continues; his breath shaky. "If I ever not get this done with — would I be able to face you? But here we are, almost collapsing and I have missed you so much. I don't feel like any of it has been worth it."

Let's be honest, Chanyeol thinks. He should be or else, Baekhyun wouldn't understand him. And both would feel like something is wrong with them. It must have been them because they aren't trying hard enough. Chanyeol doesn't want that. He promises that he'll do his best so Baekhyun can be happy. Planting seeds of guilt, sadness and past traumas don't sound like happiness that he has promised.

[] it's alright, and i'm sorry for the long reply as well ; o ;

ΔΧΛ ³ baekhyun 5 years ago

@ΔΧΛ ³ chanyeol “Hate this relationship?”

Guilt was like gasoline in his guts, insides slowly dying in the toxicity, not needing more than just a mere spark to set it ablaze. The fire would go on to burn him out so badly there was nothing left but a shell, an outline of the person that used to be so bright, playful and full of life. It’s unfair, and Baekhyun knows that he’s being unfair. Taking into consideration all the times that he tuned out for days, weeks or even months, where the smaller just transformed into that empty shell, emotions dried up and washed away from the otherwise so expressive brown hues. Chanyeol was allowed to go MIA for a month, due to something important, especially when Baekhyun knew just how much importance that this position actually held.

And who was he to tell anyone how they should manage their health, when Baekhyun had nearly killed himself; not intentionally, but he’d been careless and destructive enough to end up in that situation.

Baekhyun had absolutely no right, and it’s unfair because of all the times where he’d been the one to act irrational, broke promises and displayed odd behavior in general. Despite all those times Chanyeol haven’t cracked yet; gotten mad at him at times, sure, but he’d had it coming then. In the end he would still wrap his long and strong arms around the smaller when pain wrecked through his being, stumbling along the lines of another relapse, whispering words of comfort and sweet nothings into the strands of his hair on the nights where Baekhyun was too restless to let sleep wrap him up in its embrace. How whenever Chanyeol reached out to weave their fingers together he always found a lingering tremor waiting on the other end. Baekhyun wonder if he notices, that the very same tremor is back now.

It takes a moment, but Baekhyun does raise his gaze when the other asks him to, finding desperation and exhaustion twisted together into fully developed turmoil within the taller’s dark orbs and it hurts, every word falling from his lips hurt. Eyes traveling over the delightful features that translate into the beauty that Chanyeol undoubtedly is. He realizes that overthinking now isn’t a luxury that he could afford, not when his boyfriend is talking about the end. Their end. Baekhyun inhales a ragged breath and chases Chanyeol’s fingers when he let’s go, averting his gaze towards the ground.

“Oh, I could never hate this relationship, Chanyeol.” Objecting as he links his much smaller fingers back together with the other’s, the stability of his voice wavers, and he has to clear his throat if he wants to properly make himself heard. “You had me scared, I was worried. I shouldn’t have gotten angry at you, you didn’t deserve that. I’m scared.” The words are nothing more than hushed whispers at this point, but he desperately needs Chanyeol to understand, that he too doesn’t want this to end. “I want you, nothing else, just you.”

[] i didn't mean for this to be so long, i'm sorry ;;

ΔΧΛ ³ chanyeol 5 years ago

@ΔΧΛ ³ baekhyun Why does it feel like everything is slipping through his fingers? Chanyeol blinks, the inside of his mouth starts to taste bitter, nothing like the coffee he drinks every morning for a boost of caffeine. His throat feels like sandpaper, and at this point, questions jumble inside his head. Are they going to end up broken? Baekhyun looks so distant, and if he ever leaves it like this, they are going to break. They will end up hurting one another, and Chanyeol doesn't want that. He holds Baekhyun dear to his heart, and it will take a thousand years for him ever to be okay if they ever end things here.

He remembers the little promises they make while Baekhyun was still hospitalised. Conversations back then were smooth like a silky cup of cappuccino, but now, it is like a harsh ground coffee brew. It took him a week or two to get the smaller to open up to him, and once Baekhyun did, everything was all sort of dreams come true and in the making. Chanyeol confessed, half-peeled apple in his hand, that he wanted to be one of the best developers, there is in the market. And for that, he has been concentrating on his studies, but the field could be so harsh. Music was his only solace, but Baekhyun's art opened another world for him. Now, Chanyeol window-shopping in the avenue street, eyeing all the pieces hanging in the store displays, taking a few pictures and sending them to Baekhyun. His boyfriend might like a few, no?

But as the number of semesters increases, Chanyeol is pushed into the lab, working long hours into the night. His insecurities grow, and he wonders, is it possible to get the assistant research position? With his skills and abilities at the moment, he feels himself crushing as seconds go by.

Now, his relationship is hurting, and Chanyeol doesn't know what to do. "You're not telling me again." You are growing distant from me. "Look at me, Baekhyun." Your voice is empty, and your tone is cold. "Look at me," Chanyeol whispers, grabbing Baekhyun's hand in his. "You hate this relationship now, right? Do you hate it now? I don't want this to end, so, tell me, how can I fix it?"

"I want you. I need time to sort things out. I'm exhausted, but I want you to know, at the end of everything, I still," Chanyeol whispers, his gaze casts downwards. "At the end of this." He continues, dropping Baekhyun's hand but not without grasping onto the last feels of Baekhyun's fingers. "I still want you."

ΔΧΛ ³ baekhyun 5 years ago

@ΔΧΛ ³ chanyeol At one point Baekhyun used to admire his boyfriend for his ability to work hard and aim for the things that he desired. He would beam proudly whenever Chanyeol would boast about his grades or the latest achievements. It was a spark that the smaller of the two used to envy in silence, he didn’t have the same academic aspirations, in comparison Baekhyun was the aloof artist who much preferred to hog up inside with his own personal projects rather than to show up for the various lecturers. He didn’t have a plan. But this past month he’d been developing a certain hatred towards the one feature that used to be so charming. At some point it had even gotten hard to tell whether that hatred was in actuality aimed towards Chanyeol or himself, but his guess was on the latter.

“I know.” Is the only response he offers in a quiet tone, because he too knows what a great asset it would be for the other if he was to be picked to fill up the assistant research position, he’d talked about it many times before.

Baekhyun too had been neglecting sleep, trading slumber for restlessly staring at his phone, tossing and turning in a bed that was awfully empty without the presence of the taller occupying the left side of the mattress. Loneliness settling deep into his core and invading any and all of his thoughts. After a while even the apologetic text messages stopped coming, and Baekhyun was left assuming that the other wouldn’t come back that night either.

Now he finally lifts his gaze towards his boyfriend and feels just as tired as the other male looks, but even when the anger he inevitably feels about this whole situation is still there and threatening to make him crack, it’s the guilt exploding from deep within his chest that threatens to choke him first when he’s meet with those expressive ember eyes that he first fell in love with. There’s supposedly two different kinds of guilt: the kind that fires your soul to a purpose, and the kind that drowns you until you’re left gasping for air and useless. For Baekhyun it was the latter, always the latter.

“Don’t worry about me.” He assures, like so many times before, tone cold and distant; words accompanied with a light shake of his head because this conversation wasn’t supposed to change focus from the thing that really mattered; which was Chanyeol’s health and the consequences that had been brought to light. “Lay down. You need to sleep, now more than ever.”

ΔΧΛ ³ chanyeol 5 years ago

@ΔΧΛ ³ baekhyun Baekhyun had snapped at him — at Chanyeol. The other had never done such a thing, not even close to glare at his boyfriend, but here they are, at each other’s throats. Chanyeol at his lips, squeezing the cold metal in his hands. He isn’t going to back down from this. Although, he knows how much the other cares for him. He knows oh so very well that everything that Baekhyun says is true. He has been neglecting his health. Chanyeol has lost count on the number of energy drinks he has been consuming every single day. But, the project is so important, and he wants to show how well he could do it. His professor has always been generous when it comes to Chanyeol’s report or projects. But, this time, he wants to prove to the older male that he could go beyond all of that. Chanyeol intends to show that he is qualified for that research assistant position. Chivalry is not dead.

“Yeah— yeah, it is. I told you before that I have wanted to work with Professor Go on the research. If I could show him through this project, he would instantly give me that research assistant position. Baek, please,” Chanyeol starts, using his crutches, walking closer towards his boyfriend. “It’s important, and I need this, you know I need this.”

He knows it’s selfish of him to be doing this. How many nights had it been since the last time he came back to their shared dorm room. Chanyeol doesn’t even remember the last time they spend a day or a few hours together. Has it been a month now? What has Baekhyun been up to these days? Is that why Baekhyun was upset at him? That he wasn’t back in the dorm at most nights? Or is there anything else that Baekhyun isn’t telling him? Baekhyun looks sullen, almost defeated. His gaze downcasts, shoulders hunched, making him look even smaller than he usually is. It is as if his soul has been /once more/. It was almost the replica of Baekhyun when he was admitted into the hospital a year ago. “I—” Chanyeol’s words are caught in his throat. He has opened a box long sealed. “Baek,” He starts, the muscles of his mouth feel heavy and worry lines drawn across his forehead.

Chanyeol has been the one to bring those thoughts back.

“Baekhyun,” He whispers, his tone softer and the intensity and fury long gone from his eyes. “Did I make you remember those things?”

ΔΧΛ ³ baekhyun 5 years ago

@ΔΧΛ ³ chanyeol Hospitals and Baekhyun didn't mix well; he hates them, and that’s with a passion. It’s not so much hate as it is a general feeling of discomfort that makes his skin crawl. The smell violates his nostrils and brings a lot of less than pleasant memories to the surface. Still, what else is he supposed to do than to show up when he receives a call that his boyfriend has been taken to the emergency. He’s not happy about it, torn between anger and worry that gnaws away at him, add the anxiety about finding himself in a hospital and Baekhyun was close to a wreck of overflowing emotions. And so he settles for silence.

Lips pressing together while he helps Chanyeol out of their car, handing him the crutches and then walks quietly by his side. It’s not really until they’re back in their domains, the sleeping loft, that Baekhyun does settle his gaze on the other male, eyes squinting while he listens to his boyfriend’s explanation of what had happened. Chanyeol looks worn out and beat up, dark shadows underneath his eyes and posture slumped, as if exhaustion was close to breaking him. It probably was and that thought tugs violently at his heart. “Am I mad at you?” Baekhyun starts slowly, tone incredulous, resting his hip against his desk while crossing his arms over his chest.

“I do not know, in fact, I always tell you that something like this would happen if you keep this kind of pace up. Don’t blame it on food or lights, you’re fully aware of what you did.” Baekhyun snaps, eyes shutting because he doesn’t want to scold the other, but the anger is practically boiling beneath the surface and he’s not strong enough to hold any of it back, not now. “I mean— is those grades really worth ruining your health for? I just don’t understand what you were thinking. You’re a human being, who needs sleep in order to function.” He curls his fingers up into a fist, before unfolding them again, arms dropping to his sides with a heavy sigh. “Don’t you dare blame what happened on anything else but your own damn stupidity.”

[post deleted by owner]

ΔΧΛ ³ chanyeol 5 years ago

@ΔΧΛ ³ baekhyun He knows that when Baekhyun finds himself across the long hallways of the hospital, and its sickly smelling linoleum flooring, he is bound for abomination. The call he has gotten before is the proof of whatever that is coming his way to be terrible, or rather exhausting to hear. Yes, Chanyeol admits. He has been working continuously, and he has done that with no sleep. It has only been two nights, and he doesn't think he would crash right before arriving home. It is not something that he thinks would happen, but it did, and now, Baekhyun is surely fuming. They had had this talk before, from Chanyeol's working ethic. It used to be borderline workaholic, but far, it has gotten so much worse. Most of the time, the 'talk' ends up with an argument and angry remarks that are yelled to one another.

It is a bit unexpected, finding himself in their car that they have rented together, unscathed except for the crutch and the cast on his leg. Baekhyun hadn't spoken a word, not even when he was paying the bills. It had been a nasty fall. He saw dots of black spreading across his sight, and Chanyeol was down. He had fallen steps after steps on the long staircase, and his classmates had been the one to call for an ambulance. But, that's not the issue here, not when Baekhyun isn't speaking to him.

"Are you mad at me?" He asks, as soon as they step into the sleeping loft. Chanyeol eyes on the man he has known for a year to be his, and only his. "Look—" He continues when Baekhyun stays quiet. "I don't know what happened. Yeah, I get it, I didn't sleep for two nights but babe, you know I could have been just fine not sleeping for another night. It might have been the food or the shift of lights. The studio is badly lit, and the sunlight from outside must have triggered something."

ΔΧΛ ³ woosung (h) 5 years ago

@ΔΧΛ ¹ hongjoong It really is adorable~
But damn that would be a sight, huh?
-laughs and pinches your cheek-
You're cute enough.
Unf, indeed. He seems like the type to throw people around, too, but then be hella sweet with them afterward.
-sits up and takes the jacket off, because it's not comfortable to lay down in. Digs under his bed for a minute and pulls out a dented up metal lunch box. Shakes it and raises an eyebrow in question-