living room 。

@ΝΓΤ ⁴ taekwoon i... you typically win the arguments, yes.
we dont need to talk about that. i was just saying--
/trailing off, each of your kisses are met with my own, little pecks meant to be traded when im still almost too nervous to take them from you myself, even if the alcohol loosens me up
the best? you're flattering me
/laughing softly against your lips, there's a warmth in my cheeks from that little compliment you pay me, a soft pink dusting my tanned skin while you look at me the way you do
/for a moment i want to yell at you, to tell you to stop giving me the loo you do when its all that fuels me to keep this up, this sort of game of back and forth where we dont talk about our feelings
/but i cant, and instead im just watching you with wide eyes, admiring the way you move with such ease, and when you whisper in my ear i know i cant look away from you even if i wanted to
/when you pause, i hesitate, sparing a quick glance around the room before i reach up to hook a hand on your nape, keeping myself close to you so that i can whisper
i don't want to get caught.

@ΝΓΤ ⁴ hakyeon it matters because you're important. and you're worth more than you ever give yourself credit for too and... well, when did you ever win an argument with me i didn't want to lose?
and was this before or after your passed comments about how they didn't do something to your liking for the costume...?
/asks as i distract you a little more, lips brushing over your own, warm and inviting, barely a breath away and promising to be all yourself if you just take what you want for once
you just... are. you're like a soothing balm whenever you hold and touch me. best i've ever found too
/whilst its true you were there, sharing the nightmares with me, you were also the reason i'm here now, you saved me in more ways than one and i love you - i know i do, i just can't admit it
/sinks my teeth into my bottom lip, stopping myself from kissing you as i want you to think somewhat clearly, my head tilting to the side and causing a few strands of my hair to fall over my forehead
/your fingers brush them back soon after though, my face turning into your palm as i brush my lips over your rough palm, enjoying the coarse feeling
/my gaze snaps back to meet your own though when you tell me you want me, eyes sharp but there's something soft in my eyes, knowing you mean those three words in more ways than one
/kissing your palm i inhale as i face you, staring back into your eyes for a moment before i'm smiling and reaching my free hand up to place it over your own
then you'll have me...
/sliding my hand down i'm between your legs in a matter of moments, kissing you again as i tug your head back and have you arching beneath me, knowing its far from the first time like this and i don't want it to be the last between us either
eyes on me, hyung
/whispers by your ear, giving it a small nip as i glance over my shoulder, the place still quiet and no one really disturbing us, but i look back to you, raising an eyebrow as i put my actions on hold, palms resting over the insides of your thighs, a silent question proposed to you - stay or move before i continue

@ΝΓΤ ⁴ taekwoon why does it matter?
/my voice is soft, brows furrowing slightly as i look to you when you ask me when the last time someone did something for me was, and even though i cant pinpoint a time, i try to come up with some excuse
i... had someone... help with my dance costume...
/distracted by your lips, the taste of you on mine, and the little sensation that comes with kissing you, even in the smallest ways, i find i cant really focus on talking about me
/your touch earns a soft shiver, the fingers of one hand curling into the blanket draped around his while my other brushes along your brand, not necessarily tracing the lines but trying to be soothing
always? how--
/though i want to ask you how that can even be true, when i know im a part of that nightmarish hell, your lips distract me once more, but this time i gladly join you in the kiss
/my lips part for yours as i gasp softly against your mouth, the feeling of your hand on my bare skin causing me to flinch, but definitely not in a bad way
/our kisses grow heated, my body leaning into yours, my fingers brushing over your skin in the feathery lightness and gentleness i always treat you with, my mouth moving slowly against yours before you pull back enough to speak
/perhaps its the alcohol in my system, but when i open my eyes to look at you, i dont feel the usual uneasiness about being asked what i want
taekwoon...
/your name is almost like a prayer to me, and i lift my free hand to brush my fingers over your forehead, pushing your fringe back as i look to you, speaking so softly
i want... you...

@ΝΓΤ ⁴ hakyeon /a smile spreads across my lips when you stubbornly insist on something helping me, its so you, not just you putting me above yourself, but to the point of being almost angry when there seems nothing can be done for me
i know i don't have to or need to... i want to
when was the last time you let someone else do something for you?
/asks as i look at your lips, pressing another soft kiss to them followed by several more, a smile awaiting you when you open your eyelids just enough to see me
i'm here...
/murmurs gently as i release the side of your shirt, smoothing my hand around the front and over your stomach, leaving it there for now as i look up and into your eyes
/a shudder runs through me when your palm presses over my brand, eyelashes fluttering closed and the slightest of frowns pulling at my brows
better-
...i always feel better with you
/promises as i feel your lips against mine, parting them as i allow for a deeper kiss now, coaxing you to join me when my tongue lightly runs over the bottom of your lip
/my hand at your stomach seems to come to life again, pushing the material up and exposing your stomach though it stays hidden beneath the faux fur blanket still thrown over us
/fingertips splay out over your sun-kissed skin, beautifully dark compared to my own pale, moonlit skin, my fingertips running along the gentle lines there
/the world gains a fuzzy kind of haze around it whenever i'm with you and i know its not just because of the alcohol, how can i not? we've known each other for so long, maybe more than we know ourselves
/but as much as i want you its like i need to be told its okay to have you, to want, to have someone who makes me happy instead of feeling guilty over someone i can't bring back
/for now i use the excuse of the alcohol and slight tipsiness to continue kissing you, my mouth fitting so perfectly against your own i give in to desire whilst my fingers inch higher as if they have a life of their own
talk to me...tell me how to make you better
how to help
tell me what you want, hakyeon

@ΝΓΤ ⁴ taekwoon but something -- something could help, at least until it does stop hurting.
/there's a soft sense of urgency in my voice, something akin to a pout curling down my lips while i look over to you, wondering if you really are just going to let this keep hurting you
/your words earn a small smile, just barely lifting the corners of my lips with a hint of sadness, the idea of you taking care of me in any sense making me feel at least a little guilty
you dont... need to do that.
/my voice is quiet while you seem to look into my eyes and over my face with such an intensity, one that im used to but it still strikes my heart the same way every time
/when you kiss me, that very connection has my heart beating rapidly in my chest, my eyes falling shut with how gentle and sweet it all feels, so different from the other nights you call for me
/staying silent for a moment, i hesitate with my hand hovering over your back when you ask me to touch it, the brand that im sure pains you so often, and i gently press my palm to the spot, brushing my hand along your skin and doing all i can to help you
taekwoon...
/your name is a soft whisper against your lips in response to you calling for me, and my eyes open just enough to look at you with a hooded gaze, my voice soft as i speak
how does it feel?
/my lips just barely graze against your own as i speak, a certain warmth settling in me that isn't just from alcohol, but your body with mine, the feeling of your lips on mine

@ΝΓΤ ⁴ hakyeon like you said... some day it will stop hurting. some day, just not today
/mumbles softly as you hold me close against you, smiling softly as i appreciate the warmth of your side rather than just the blanket
/glances at the faux fur gliding over my skin before i turn my head back around, my face pressing against your neck again even when you try to look at me from where you are
/as your arms surround me there's a rare sense of peace that washes over me, grateful for it to the point that words would just be a disgrace if i tried using them to describe how i feel
/there's always a strange push and pull when it comes to my feelings for you, drawn naturally to you but at the same time reluctant to grow attached beyond friends because what if i lost you too?
you know i'm here to sooth your own pain too, right?
/murmurs into the otherwise silent room, the sound of our breathing filling in the blank spaces before i tip my head back, the hair that smells faintly of my shampoo tipping away from my face
/sculpted features look into your own softer ones, your skin several shades warmer than my own and in general you've always been so much warmer than i ever was
/those cat-like eyes meet a pair of gentle spheres, sweet and honeyed almost in the depth of brown there, a kind of welcoming, slippery slope i've fallen down more than once - into the rabbit hole with your hands catching, welcoming me
hakyeon...
/whispers your name like i have on lonely nights before, my gaze briefly dipping down to your lips before my own make the connection
/its gentle at first, i'd like to say it always is but i remember the times where i've been a little more... needy with you, aching for you to help me chase the demons away for another night
/but this time i can say with full confidence is gentle and sweet even, another emotion that's dangerous for me as i shift beneath the blanket, one of my hands lifting to curl my fingers lightly over your cheek
touch it... make it go away, please
/pleads with you quietly as i speak about my brand, the stinging sensation felt there, the burning, it always seems to ease up whenever you touch me
/my other hand struggles to break free between us, leaning into you even more now as i use the now freed hand to tug the blanket over my shoulder, sliding along my back as my breath hitches against your lips at the feeling
hyung...
/you're barely older than me, just a few months but i always use it whenever i want something from you i know you might have the slightest resistance in giving me

@ΝΓΤ ⁴ taekwoon what if you try again?
something’s gotta help...
/my voice is soft, and there’s a part of me that wonders if googling the information will be any help, but i dont take out my phone now of all times
/looking up at you, i look over your face for a moment, then watch your long fingers trail over your back, tracing the shape where you can
i try...
/as you come to lay against me, i dip my head, looking over you with such close proximity
/for a moment i wonder if you can hear or feel the rapid beating of my heart, as im worried it may just beat right out of my chest
we have to do what he have to do in order to survive now. it’s just...
a part of who we are, i guess.
/when you tell me you’re only here because of me, i feel my chest seize up, and i wrap my arms around you, doing my best to stay gentle with my touch
we’re here because of each other.
who knows what would’ve happened if i didn’t have you here to keep me grounded.
/even as i speak, i know i do, the options having come to mind time and time again, how i could leave this world, but i always told myself to keep on living for you
/when you speak of it hurting, like its still fresh and still painful, i furrow my brows and lift my hand to trail my fingers over the blanket resting on your back, feathery touches meant to soothe
/even then i don’t apply much pressure, or do it for long, in fear of it causing more pain for you
one day... one day it wont hurt anymore.
it has to stop one day, right?
until then... i’ll help you get through the pain, as best as i can.
/my own voice is a soft whisper as i tip my head down, my eyes falling shut while i murmur into your hair
i promise you.

@ΝΓΤ ⁴ hakyeon /shakes my head softly when you ask about giving it any treatments, nothing beyond the initial one for the burned skin, remembering it felt like it was never going to heal
/reaches one of my hands up to gently brush my fingertips over my own shoulder, down against my upper back as i feel over the raised skin there
/i can see the image of the leaves in the back of my mind, outlining the familiar shapes there and making me sigh before i smile a little remorsefully at you
you always did say the sweetest things...
/sets my shirt aside, folding it over the arm of the sofa before i shuffle closer to you, laying against your side as i feel more comfortable like this
/tugging the throw over us from the back of the sofa i let the faux fur brush against my skin, the closest i've felt to someone else's touch after so long
it shouldn't have happened at all
but it did and we survived. that's all we can do now
...to keep going
/laughs softly under my breath as if anything is funny about this before i turn my head away, pressing it gently against your neck whilst i hide there
i wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, you know that right...?
/mumbles as i wrap my arm around you, warm and gentle, much unlike that cool,s harp exterior i was showing you earlier
i'm sorry. i didn't mean to snap at you
i just-
/scrambles for words to give you, any that i can do but i can't, my breath hitching for a moment as i feel a sharp sting in my back once more, the jolt of pain making me finally speak
its still fresh... its like i relive that night every single time i fall asleep and it hurts
/trails off as my voice grows so quiet its barely above a whisper now, my eyelids having fallen shut as i cling to you a moment longer
...it always hurts

@ΝΓΤ ⁴ taekwoon you'd think. but we're just running from it, arent we?
i mean, s'not like we faced that.
/there was a part of me, a couple of years ago, that wondered if going to counseling would be any help, but at this point i know it's pointless, too much to unpack and too much to have to say
/your words make me snort however, and i shrug a little, tucking my legs up toward my chest while i hold my glass of wine close, staring into the contents
i couldn't stand seeing the same thing happen to you.
i would've stopped them, but it happened so fast. i-i was so stunned, i couldnt...
/my voice breaks a little, and i have to swallow thickly before murmuring something along the lines of "i couldnt move until it was too late", and i shake my head and glance away, not wanting to face those feelings
/truthfully, there's some level of guilt buried within me, knowing that i saved you from the same fate but i couldnt save your lover, wanting you to be happy but failing at that
/turning my gaze up when you move, i look over your figure when your shirt slides off of your shoulders and sits down on the seat, and my attention is immediately drawn to the brand on your back
taekwoon...
/breathing your name, my fingers curling a bit tighter around my glass while i look over the brand, feeling a tightness in my chest while i listen to you speak, and i dont dare reach out to touch you
have you thought of putting cream on it?
something to help soothe it?
/even as i speak, i know it's unlikely that it could even be done, nothing having helped my own burning sensation when it gets its worst, and i sigh a little before shaking my head
unfortunate, not hideous. it doesnt take away from who you are.
it's just... i wish it hadn't happened. that's all.
/the words "i wish i could've stopped it" rest on my tongue, but i swallow them down with a healthy gulp of wine, not wanting to deal with that when i know you'd likely get mad with me for thinking such things

@ΝΓΤ ⁴ hakyeon /tilts my head back further against the back of the sofa we're on, neck craning slightly as i stare up at the ceiling blindly, seeing myself there and him, before your voice brings me back down and my eyelids close
/for a moment it seems almost as if i've gone to sleep until i speak, my voice soft, tender and surprisingly full of emotion whilst my eyelids remain sealed closed for now, hiding the windows to what remains of my soul away
you'd think after a while we wouldn't have nightmares anymore... but here we are
four years on and still pretending. maybe when we finally get out of this place it'll stop. like we've left it all behind
/i doubt that's actually going to happen and my tone conveys as much, my earlier words ringing around in the air again, my sentiment telling you you didn't deserve what happened
you know whenever i play that night over in my head i know one thing for sure. i would have ended up the same way as him if you hadn't been there to drag me away...
i just know it
/still keeping your question on hold about my own brand i inhale before exhaling deeply, finishing over half of my glass already as i set it down on the table
/turning away from you i shuffle so your knee is near my lower back, my fingers beginning to undo the buttons on my shirt, the fabric loosening as i continue
/eventually i finish and slide the fabric down over my shoulders, pooling against the edge of your knee and my seat, my own brand coming into view as it runs over much of the expanse of my back
i know what you mean...
/murmurs quietly, my eyelids closing as i lean my head towards my own shoulder, my lips slightly parted as i remember them restraining me, how it was far from simple, such a big brand made with several branding irons, each lined up perfectly to make the picture you now see, a tree like the one from that night and a snake coiled around it
it burns nightly... sometimes enough to wake me up, sometimes enough to keep me up, sometimes it just throbs like a fresh burn under my skin
/with my head bowing a little more i shift a bit uneasily, the raise skin soft to the touch where its scarred, sensitive too to the point my costumes are sometimes irritating depending on material rubbing against the skin
/opening my eyelids i turn my head a tiny bit more, looking over my shoulder at you now and parting my lips as i do so, a small smile forming there
hideous, isn't it?

@ΝΓΤ ⁴ taekwoon /paying for our meal, and your drinks specifically, doesnt bother me, it being something i’d do for you any day than letting someone else do it
/if anything, it just hurts somewhere deep inside that this is your coping mechanism, the alcohol, even though i know we all have our flaws
/while we walk, im left reflecting on what i do myself to forget all of it, whether it’s pushing myself with drinking or neglecting food, or even a drink here and there even if im not a bug fan of alcohol
/your words cause me to look up at you, wide eyes blinking while we walk, wanting to say something about it but not having the words
/instead i just nod and follow after you while you take me with you, shivering just a little as i plop down on the couch and decide against taking off my sweater just yet
yeah... it like— it burns, sometimes.
/for a moment, i hesitate, but after pulling one hand free of my sweater i take the glass and sip at the wine, letting you have one corner of the couch while i sit closer, tucking my legs up as if to keep warmth
if i think too much about it, or if i’m having... nightmares.
it’s like that initial pain all over again.
/shrugging, i glance over to you, thankful for the artificial warmth the alcohol provides as i sip at the contents
what about you?

@ΝΓΤ ⁴ hakyeon /stiffens slightly when you say you deserved it, though i don't say anything and just wait for you to finish eating, my appetite long gone by now
/the benefit of drinking on an empty stomach is the fact i feel a lot warmer than i would normally, a numbing kind of warmth that makes me ease up a bit
/by the time you're done there's another cocktail down me, reminding myself to pay you back since its never fun paying for someone else who drinks a lot
/as we head out together, slowly meandering around the streets, slowing time until we absolutely have to return, i'm left sighing into the chilled air
you didn't
/doesn't expand on what i mean for now, leaving it at that as i'm trying to find the words i mean, not wanting to hurt you more than i have tonight
... you didn't deserve it, i mean. none of us did
/brushes up against your side as we walk, sometimes by mistake, sometimes a little more purposeful, tugging you to the dorm living room
/shrugs off my jacket, laying it over one of the arms of the sofa before i motion for you to sit down, disappearing only to reappear a moment later with a couple glasses, just in case you decide to join me in my drinking
/the other hand sets down a bottle of red, pouring some out into one of the glasses, full to the brim before i pour for you too, leaving it there
/tucking myself into one of the corners of the sofa i bring my glass with me, sipping at its contents and sighing in delight as i do so, that warmth building in my stomach again, seeming fairly happier as i forget my life for another night, sort of
does it still hurt sometimes?
like... a phantom pain?

@ΣΥΤ ² mark (Okie doke~ ^^)

Exactly. *chuckles softly and sniffs*
*whines but rubs his cheek into the couch pillow*
I'ma try, Mark. *resists the urge to snort*
I'll be fine, don't be a worry wart~
I think I feel more icky at the moment
*sticks his tongue out back at you*
*closes his eyes and gets comfy, quickly dozing off*

@ΣΥΤ ³ daeun [[ hehe. Let me know when you’re free then~~ ]]

I’m sure you eat when you eat people out, and you don’t complain.
* I playfully push your head back *
Now sleep hyung. I need you to get better. I feel bad for you when you’re this sickly and it makes me want to take care of you. It’s an icky feeling.
* I stick my tongue out at you *

@ΣΥΤ ² mark Mmhmm. Oh Seunghoon. Yum.
*pouts and lays down on the couch, curling up*
Ugh. Fineeee
*sighs, knowing he actually does need the sleep*
I don't mind the taste of *mutters softly with a yawn*
Yahh
*shakes his fist at you, doing his best Squidward voice*
Spongebobbbb

@ΣΥΤ ³ daeun Hot guy? I’ll have to check it out then
* I laugh as I nudge you on the couch *
You should sleep babe. I think you need some rest. We can hang once you’re better. I’ll make you something to eat since I don’t want you eating all that food. Sleep and I’ll bring you some food. Then you can go off an smash a ton of people
* I tease as I pinch your nose *

@ΣΥΤ ² mark I'm not usually scared like that!
Those were worse cause they were real!
*pouts at you and follows*
I gotta show you how not scared I am.
I'll try. Hopefully it won't burn my throat off.
We should watch Methoddddd there's a hot guy in it
*wiggles brows*

(I gotta run to walmart and grab some things but I'm totally down to chill when I get back if ur not busy~)

@ΝΓΤ ² wooyoung true, initiation is important for that
sadly, I was not around when it started
*rise a brow lightly at your compliment*
thank you for that, cutie
*stands up and follow you, silently observing the dog for a couple of seconds*
Dobby is a service dog?

@ΝΓΤ ² taeyong It did! I guess that's the point of initiation really
Getting to know your brothers better.
*smiles and leans into your touch*
You're really handsome~
*stands up*
This way~
*heads towards the kitchen, the service dog silently following*

@ΝΓΤ ² wooyoung seems like serving him for a while let you know more about him
that's so sweet from you
*gently rise a hand to caress your head like I was doing a little while ago*
you could say that, yes
*nods my head and take my cup back*
I'll follow you then

@ΝΓΤ ² taeyong Right. He is banned~
And we should!
But he's probably too lazy to even go in there anyways. He sleeps a lot! *giggles*
An explorer, hm? You must be good at finding the right spot.
*grins and sits up*
Should we move to the kitchen then? I'm sure we could whip up something tasty~

@ΝΓΤ ² wooyoung oh that's not a good thing, we can't allow him in the kitchen, right?
we should go there and give it a use then
*blinks slowly, slightly surprised and letting his grin grow a bit wider*
I'm kind of a explorer when it comes to , our fraternity is not exactly vanilla
*calmly gives you the high five and let a light chuckle out*
real life I might say

@ΝΓΤ ² taeyong Well Hyungwon hyung won't allow himself to because he says he'd burn down the kitchen
and I've never really seen anyone else use it~
*grins sheepishly*
and I'm willing to let you *tries to wink confidently*
I'm not very experienced, but I'm trying to work on it
*offers you a high five*
Switch life~

@ΝΓΤ ² wooyoung is that surprising?
*lets out a soft chuckle at the reaction*
few days? *looks down to your thighs and nod his head*
actually, it does like you have a really nice , I'm willing to try it out
*blinks slowly, lightly tilting his head at the words muttered*
you are one of the fun ones then, I'm glad

@ΝΓΤ ² taeyong Oh thank goodness we have have someone who can cook around here!
O-oh.
*feels his cheeks burning again at the mention of eating *
W-well... mine might last you a few days...
*pats his thick thigh and laughs again, wiggling a bit in his spot*
I'm a switch too... *mutters quietly*

@ΝΓΤ ² wooyoung I do know how to cook so if you ever need any help, just call me
*grin lightly at your laugh*
it is, indeed
*pull my hand gently, letting you wipe your glasses as I lean on the couch to get more comfortable*
well, I also like eating if you are curious about it
and normal food occationally

@ΝΓΤ ² taeyong *wants to protest at being called cute but doesn't even bother, too flustered to do so*
I'm not a great cook but I can make simple things.
*lets out a shy laugh* is...pretty delicious.
*sits still and lets you pet him, slowly lowering his hands and taking off his harry potter style glasses to wipe them on his hoodie*
What um... what do you like to eat besides ?

*notice your eyes on his lips, making him smirk a bit wider*
again, cute
*hold a chuckle, not trying to make you feel shy around him*
Cook something for me? that's be nice
but I also like in the menu, we are in the same page
*rise a hand to pet your head when you hide you face from him*

*stares at your lips, blushing even harder at your words*
*looks down shyly*
Yeah... they are...
*squirms a little, starting to get flustered*
Well I can -I MEAN COOK! I CAN COOK A LITTLE BIT!
*Covers his face and whines in embarrassment*

*lightly smirk at the thought of that, nodding his head lightly*
a thing, you are blushing now and that's actually cute
things are fun to do, not only for initiation tho
*lets you sit next to him, silently blink at your question*
define.. anything...