⌦ calling.

@⁰⁴ dongmin l. surprise — it creeps onto her features with a quirk of an eyebrow and a parting of her lips. she's not sure what she had expected him to say in reply, but it surely wasn't this. but the shock wears off rather quickly and there's a mischievous glimmer in her eyes, her lips still curled upwards into a grin. "what now?" she repeats with a hum, reclining back in her seat to cross one leg over another before she leans forward once again. "then do it. kiss me."

@⁰³ sooyoung h. there it was, the slight furrow of her brows and the glint of annoyance in her eyes that she was always so good at suppressing. it's gone in seconds, but it's enough to get him riled up. returning her sly simper with a smirk of his own, he plays along. "okay, i'll say it. i want to kiss you again," he states a matter of factly. as much as he blamed the alcohol, it was fair to say that he wasn't completely lying, and it was clear from that way she leaned into his touch that night that perhaps she wanted him too. "what now?"

@⁰² sihyeon k. [ 'but i shouldn't be,' he tells himself when she showers him with the same unconditional kindness that he's never quite gotten used to. it would be nice though, he thinks, to be able to experience that happiness with her. ] i was about to say... [ he laughs, shaking his head as he lets out an amused hum. ] of course. [ figuring that he would be out there for a while, he takes a seat on one of the steps of his back porch, allowing a comfortable silence to settle between the two. ]

@⁰¹ felix l. his trembling managed to cease after a bit, which should be a good thing. that wasn't the case however, because he was honestly just worn out by this point. it wasn't felix's fault that he was worn out though, dear no. chris would never put anything on his best friend like that; the boy was a literal angel, always putting the interests and hearts of others before even his own health. "i get it lix, don't worry. i am, so much so that it scares me a few times on the daily." chris breathed out, glad that he could for once during their conversation admit something with unwavering conviction and sincerity. "i'm not sure if you've seen him before, but he's— well, he's my roommate. and before you get the wrong idea, no, he did not take and weaponize my situation and seduce his way into my mess of emotions or anything like that." he couldn't help adding, forcing out a what he hoped was a small but convincing enough chuckle to make light of the otherwise heavy conversation they were having. of course that didn't last long; felix had always been the wisest out of the trio during their high school days despite being the most innocent and probably naïve amongst them as well. "lix, you know how he was my once upon a time. i took a chance with him, with myself. despite what just happened between us, it will never change the fact that he was my first serious love. i—" without realizing, chris was pulling off the metaphorical bandage he'd so tightly wrapped around the deepest, most sensitive pit of his damaged heart. "i still regret that day. he was always so good and understanding, he really made it so easy for me to love him. and i ed that up. i should've told him when my ing adopted brother assaulted me, should've told him when my nightmares and insomnia flared up to the point where i got my sleep disorder diagnosed. should've told him what was really going on, instead of trying to pretend everything was okay in front of him. i broke down and unleashed hell on him for probing too much, for showing that he cared about me, lix. and like the -up that i was, i twisted everything to make him believe that it was his fault i blew up at him. i ing broke him, and in doing so i broke myself too......"

@⁰² christopher b. felix took a deep breath, then let it out, his fingers slipping from his pulse at his throat to the shell of his ear, rubbing it slowly. he stayed quiet, listening as chris ranted, trying to follow the line of thought. maybe they were different. maybe there was just something different between the two of them, because felix knew he would never post something like that if he had a situation similar to his friends'. "are you happy?" it wasnt supposed to sound the way it did, it wasnt supposed to sound accusatory. "wait, i just meant-- genuinely. with this new guy. do i know him?" listening to chris, felix looked across the room, pursing his lips slowly. he took a moment to think before speaking. "do you care about him, chris, or is... is it-- are you sure? i just..." he let out a shaky breath, shaking his head once more. "i worry that neither of you actually care about each other. if you cared, you wouldnt say the things you do, or do the things you do, to each other." even saying it, it felt like he was tearing his own heart out of his chest.

@⁰¹ felix l. he didn't like how he was borderline trembling violently with the sheer amount of effort he was employing just to /not/ break down, but he absolutely hated hearing his best friend sound so.... broken over the line. well, there's another opportune moment his anxiety could collect and weaponize against him. "i-i'm sorry lix...." he pathetically offered, forcing himself not to turn their tables around. after all, /he/ was the one who needed the shoulder, not the younger. "....i'm really gonna sound like the bad guy. no, i posted that not thinking about him. i actually wasn't even thinking about him. i was happy, ta— my partner made me happy, and i wanted to capture the moment. he— he makes me forget, lix. whenever i'm with him, sung's practically not in my mind. when i'm with him, i forget about my issues and worries." chris had to take a moment, realising that he was rambling again. he in a particularly audible breath, exhaling it in a loud sigh before continuing. "i still care about jisung, lix, don't get me wrong. but he's long torn himself out of my heart and ta— my partner has been there silently patching me up from the start. it'll probably be a while before i can allow myself to heal, forgive him and let him back in again."

@⁰³ jisung h. "i dont deserve you." he murmurs into the phone, unable to help the small smile that lifted his lips. maybe things could get better for jisung. "see you soon, idiot— love you too. a ton." after blowing a kiss into the speaker, he hangs up and quickly head out to make his way to the rooftop, skipping stairs as he goes.

@⁰¹ felix l. - "i'll bring you my warmest blanket, your favorite."
( begins shuffling to his feet himself, eyes burning as he begins his search for all that he'll need for the night. hearing the noise on the other end has him halt his movements, but soon he's shaking his head and clicking his tongue in "disapproval." )
- "walls... its almost like they appear out of nowhere. anyways, i'll meet you up there. i love you."

@⁰³ jisung h. rubbing at his eyes, he nods a little before pushing himself up tsking softly under his breath. "i'll keep you company, as long as you keep me warm up there." he was already pulling on a sweater, a muffled grunt heard as well as a small thump, followed by a curse. "stupid wall. got in my way."

@⁰¹ felix l. ( a smile starts to grow on his lips, the response being such a felix way of replying to him that he couldn't help but laugh again, the sound much heartier than before. )
- "maybe, or maybe i just need somebody to come sit on the rooftop with me. i guess the only way you can find out is by showing up, huh?"

@⁰³ jisung h. he stays quiet again, sniffling quietly before pulling his phone away to look at the time. bringing it back to his ear, he let out a shaky breath, shaking his head first, then nodding, and only after that did he remember they couldnt see each other. thumping the heel of his palm to his forehead, he finally speaks. "is this you saying you want me to beat your ?" he nibbles on his lower lip, voice dropping a little. "i'll come do it right now."

@⁰¹ felix l. ( his heart flutters slightly at the sound of the other's laugh. it brings him some ease, even if it's quite obvious that it's not the exact giggle he's so used to hearing. the sound of his sniffle only confirmed his suspicion and he found himself biting his lower lip in thought. )
- "beat my ? oh, now i'm actually anticipating that. that would require you actually being in my presence, honey."
( a weak chuckle of his own escapes his lips and he uses the back of his hand to dry what was left of the sorrow around his eyes. he lets out a sigh, debating on whether or not it would be best for him to ask his next question. )
- "are you busy? can i see you?"

@⁰³ jisung h. he stayed silent, brushing his hand along his thigh before letting out a short laugh. he could be a distraction, even in this moment, and really... really that's the most important thing. jisung's words made him laugh again, though it didnt sound as happy as usual, and he even shook his head. a small sniffle followed. "no, no you dont. you're stuck with me, idiot, and even if i got another chance to go back to high school i'd still choose both of you." he rubbed under his nose, holding his phone a little tighter. "you need me, and i need you. try to say that again and i'll beat your ."

@⁰¹ felix l. - "you did it because you had no choice."
( even through his flurry of emotions, jisung could find it in himself to joke around with his best friend. pausing for a few seconds to breathe, he places his free hand over his stomach and presses his back against the wall of his room, eventually sliding until he was sitting on the ground. )
- "you have a good heart, sunshine. you really do. why are you bothering with such an annoying brat like me? i don't deserve you. i deserve to be swallowed whole by my misery, alone, yet here i am finding comfort in you. you don't deserve to hear my constant issues with him. you deserve better friends, and i'm sorry we couldn't give that to you."

@⁰² christopher b. felix knew he was too loud the second he felt the air change. there it was, as if chris had changed his trajectory for his sake. "dont do this chris, im fine. promise." things felt heavy, but he sighed into the phone, lifting a hand to ruffle his blonde locks. "people dont work like that, you know that right? even if you didnt tag him or do something ty like that... did you want him to see?" felix nibbled on his bottom lip, worrying it between his teeth. his fingers came to his throat, counting his pulse in his head while he listened. "im not accusing you, im not saying either of you are in the right— i think you both know you ed up. but you've known that for a while, and that... that's the problem. i think you both got comfortable, and..." he hesitated, pulling the phone away so he coukd sniffle again without being heard, blinking rapidly to fight the tears. "and now that comfort is gone and i... i think you're both trying to hold onto it, or something."

@⁰³ jisung h. "i loved you back without question." felix spoke plainly, and he knew it wasnt the kind of love jisung meant, but it was love nonetheless. maybe that was one of his flaws: he always loved wholeheartedly. "dont say that, you dont hate him. its hard to hate him." blowing out a sigh, he ran a hand through his hair, snorting softly as he shook his head once more. "you cant do that, its illegal. and... i dont have money to bail you out, babe."

@⁰¹ felix l. - "why do i always have to beg people to love me back, felix? what do i keep doing so wrong that i end up being hurt like this over and over and ing OVER again?"
( his fists unconsciously ball themselves up, feeling his chest begin to heave again but not with his previous sadness or anxiety, no this time he was sure it was anger. )
- "we did. i admit, i did say some ed up but he just acts like its all only my fault! i hate him. i hate him so much, i want to ing burn everything he's touched in this ing room."

@⁰¹ felix l. the tears that escaped dried up as fast and as suddenly as they came, and for a moment it actually took chris off-guard. he was quickly brought back to the situation at hand, however, when he heard that tell-tale sniffle. it came out quiet, but to him, it sounded deafening. great, now his best friend was on the verge of breaking down himself. the one pillar of strength he could rely on was crumbling. "that's a very oversimplified way to put things, but that's right." chris sighed, sniffing once to clear his nose. as he unpacked felix's following question, a fresh wave of anxiety and irrationality came over him, and the silence that ensued over the line was stretched even longer as he fought to form a coherent response. "it didn't concern him and wasn't even meant for him, lix.... i didn't post that picture to provoke or spite him, or i would've tagged him in it or dmed it to him otherwise.... i— ing hell lix, why does he suddenly care so much when he wouldn't even hear me out?! getting back with him and starting over is wrong, but so is having a clean break and moving on??? what kind of ed-up mess is this." he ended up unintentionally ranting, trembling so hard at this point that he physically needed to grab onto the table with his free hand to keep himself stable.

@⁰² christopher b. felix had been able to read people since he was young, and chris was no exception. so when he heard the wavering tone he could feel the tension in the air. it was the second time someone was crying on call with him, but he didnt hold any hard feelings toward either of them. "chris, why--" he heaved a sigh, sitting up a little straighter. "do you really think he would put himself through hell for you, just for ?" so badly did felix want to smack them both upside the head. they both know they did something wrong, and yet... another sigh passed his lips, this one shaky, because he was putting two and two together. "so he saw what you posted, got upset 'cause you guys were-- have been... you know, and then you got mad at him in return and then you both started going at each other's throats?" it ended up phrased as a question, just at the end, as he tried to keep himself composed-- god, now he was going to cry. "can you tell me something, chris?" a pause, a long one, and a quiet sniffle from his end. "did you post it knowing he would see?"

@⁰¹ felix l. he hardly, if ever, cried. scratch that, he practically never cried. not so openly and pathetically, not to his few best friends, not even to jisung, and most definitely not like this. yet he was beginning to feel the tell-tale moisture cascade down his cheeks, as if he wasn't already frustrated with how weak and empty he was sure his voice currently sounded. "i insinuated that he was only into me for the because i was annoyed that he called-" he paised momentarily, finding the correct word to describe his relationship with taeyong before throwing caution to the wind. "--called my partner a toy. and of course he that set him off, but he brought up my childhood and used it against me. never in any sane moment did i ever think he'd use my biggest demon against me, lix, but he did." he had to take a moment, realising that he was beginning to sound frail. "a-anyways, that did it for me. i practically yelled at him through text..... and i- i might've gaslighted him too- oh god, i ing gaslighted him lix."

@⁰² christopher b. "oh chris..." he knew, of course he knew. the first call he had taken was jisung sobbing on the phone, and he had to talk his friend through what essentially was a panic attack. but felix wouldnt say that, not yet, instead just listened quietly. he grimaced when he heard a hard thump over the line, fingers tightening on his phone. "i dont know what im supposed to say, chris. we both know he's hurt." , he would be too, but felix was far more understanding, a third party to all of this. but when jisung had cried earlier, felix felt it in his chest. "if you're sure then what makes it your fault? what did you say to him this time?"

@⁰¹ felix l. "great!" he breathed out a little more shakily, knowing that his voice would come out weak if he spoke normally. he purposely let a short silence stretch before he continued, trying not to let his voice crack, squeak or break in any way despite the magnitude of the emotional turmoil he was experiencing. "i did, lix. i wanted to tell you that first off, if /he/ hasn't already told you yet, i did it. i broke it off with him for good." another pause, this time slightly longer as he threw his head back, thumping it against the wood but not caring about how it made his head stung momentarily. "i don't know lix, i'm starting to think that this is even worse than the first time i dumped him..... and this time, i /know/ for sure that it's my fault....."

@⁰² christopher b. "hey! hi, hey." he breathes a sigh, quickly shaking his head, then mumbles a "no its okay" when he remembers they're not face to face. "yeah, im alone, promise!" thankfully, felix had gotten good at pretending, even if it was to one of his best friends. sitting up in his bed, his nose tingled with an oddly familair sensation - no, he would not cry. "you said you wanted to talk, right? that it was urgent?"

@⁰³ jisung h. he stays silent for a moment, letting jisung take his time to compose himself. his own fingers rubbed a spot on his jeans, wearing it thin-- it was a nasty habit of his, but as he plucked the fabric, he heaved a sigh. "do you really think--" no, dont ask that, felix. he scolded himself, lifting a hand to lightly thump his forehead. "you're enough, you're always enough. sometimes-- sometimes people are too hurt to realize they're hurting other people too." he's been friends with the two of them long enough, and knowing what jisung is like right now-- he can only imagine what chris is like as well. "you two yelled at each other, didnt you?"

@⁰¹ felix l. [ incoming voice call: baking gem :sun: ]

"lix!" the elder greeted, voice sounding a little dreary. "thanks for calling back, sorry if i caught you at a bad time earlier. you uh, you're alone right now, right?" he continued, furtively looking around almost like as if on the lookout for any intruders on his friend's behalf despite felix being unable to see him. instinctively he also pressed himself a little more flush against the back wall of the greenhouse's tool shed, the stillness of the air not bothering him for once.

@⁰¹ felix l. ( it takes a minute for the words of his friend's to register, vision growing blurry at the lack of oxygen he was actually taking in, but with the help of the younger male he's eventually able to stabilize his breathing through his counting. with a whimper, jisung nods his head, forgettiny that his friend could not actually see him. )
- "not at all. he tried... he tried putting the blame on me. all of it. i know i was so ing stupid for believing he actually loved me or that one day we could work it out but... felix why wasn't i enough? what did i do wrong? he even tried saying i just wanted him for ! , it hurt so bad."

@⁰² christopher b. [ a few hours later ]

[ calling: chris hyung :wolf: ]

@⁰¹ felix l. his breath came out tired and heavy, almost disappointed upon hearing the automated voicemail tone. "heya lix! do you- uh, could you call me back as soon as you can? it's urgent. sorry to bother you, love you!"

@⁰² christopher b. [ sent to voicemail. ] "hey, this is felix, and if you're hearing this, that means im a bit busy. leave a message, and i'll get back to you as soon as possible. shine bright!" [ voicemail tone - please leave your message ]

@⁰³ jisung h. "jisung, breathe, please." quietly commanding his friend, he doesnt really follow his own advice, fingers picking at his jeans while he begins to bounce his leg. truly, he wishes he was there, to help, to do something more. "listen to me talk, okay? im here, im with you." using his deep voice to his advantage, he offers a lifeline, something to hold onto, counting quietly to help jisung find his breathing-- anything, at all. "babe, trust me, i know. something tells me the texts didnt go well?"