❏ 　calling.

@⁰³ san c. she shouldn't be listening, who cares what he has to say? it's all just... an excuse to keep her coming back, to make sure she'll always be there whenever he needs to blow off some steam, she knows it. their situation, it replicates that of mark and ning's, she now recognizes — similarly to her and san, they slept together, got involved, and now mark was the only one hurting from it's repercussions. and how could she sit here, dwelling over the words of someone that was clearly making her miserable, while she had told mark to forget about ning and that the pain their relationship gave him isn't worth his time.

hypocrite, her conscience scolds.

she takes in his words, acknowledging them with a forced 'mhm' beneath her breath, but she doesn't forgive him, she doesn't know if she ever will at this moment. one thing that does catch her attention though, is his mention of 'her friend'. puzzled, she lulls the thought over as he seemingly pauses out of panic, and with no better conclusion in mind, she assumes he means jinsoul. so, she rehearses his statement in full in her head, 'my mind was focused on you. and if it hadn't been for jinsoul—'. her heart spikes in a sudden rush of indignation, and she opts to flush out the remainder of his genuine express of emotions, voice rather brusque.

"i must've meant a lot to you," she says into the receiver, now pulling it from her ear to hover her thumb over 'end call'. "too bad you don't mean anything to me. not anymore... goodbye, san." and with that, she hangs up, yearning to feel a sense of accomplishment, but no — she just feels this damn headache.

@⁰² jimin y. why her? that was a question that he mused over a million times in his head without finding a definite answer. why her, of all people? of all the girls he’s ever messed around with, why her? ever since their midsummer fling, she had found home within his mind, tormenting him each waking moment and invading his dreams whenever he fell into a slumber. he tried to think back to what attracted him to her in the first place. they had met at a club during a late July evening. just like the party, both had consumed one too many drinks and ended up within each other’s presence on the dance floor. perhaps it was the way her skin practically illuminated beneath the club lights, resembling that of a brightly lit moon, her dark hair cascading down her back like the night sky. or perhaps it was the way she smelled — not of the usual, flowery essence that most females liked to adorn — no, hers reminded him of the beach. of crisp, cool waves that crashed against sandy shores. or maybe it was how her body fit perfectly against his own, each sway of her hips meeting his in a manner that would drive any man insane, her warmth engulfing him in a welcoming hug. one thing led to another that night and they had spent hours upon hours within one of the back rooms, foolishly exploring each other’s bodies. and since then — he hadn’t been able to forget her like he normally did after a one night stand. during their months apart, they had exchanged a few texts, most of them pertaining light banter and teasing — but he enjoyed it. he enjoyed how quick she was with every comeback. he enjoyed the annoyance that could be read through each text sent to him, and he enjoyed the little moments where she expressed that she had laughed, the notion often giving him a sense of pride and joy.

so, really, the only answer that he could give was the fact that it was just /her/. her and everything about her.

“why you …” he whispered, his mind still jumbled with thoughts as he contemplated his next words carefully. “because it /is/ you, jimin. don’t you see that? don’t you see what you do to me? that night at the club alone was far more than i would offer. i never spent hours upon hours with some random girl. i was never so invested in making sure that /she/ felt good. i was a selfish bastard that only cared to get off before leaving. but you … god, you had me trapped. the party…” taking in a deep breath, he closed his eyes again, recalling how he had felt that night and what his true intentions were. “the party was the first time in a while that i didn’t have any interest in fooling around. i was focused on you. my mind was focused on you. and if it hadn’t been for your friend —” he paused, biting into his tongue at the piece of information that he nearly let slip through. now wasn’t the time to bring up that conversation. taking in a deep breath, he exhaled slowly. “i can’t give you any better explanation other than the fact that it’s just /you/, jimin.” he whispered, and when she announced that she was hanging up, lips parted to protest, but once again no sound escaped, his words lodged in his throat as the call grew silent.

@⁰³ san c. it’s another pregnant silence that they’re met with and she feels discomfort arising in the pit of her stomach — could she really handle not seeing him? talking with him, touching him? would she be alright? the answer should be yes, of course. she doesn’t need him or anybody, she could be fine all on her own — she reiterates this to herself like a mantra, repeating until it’s ingrained in her mind, but the deafening ring of her heart heard in her ears is too much to handle for her headache, eventually rubbing at her face with her palms, until his voice is gruffly received from the line.

the start of his monologue has her shoulders drooping low as if defeated, having to hold her breath to keep herself from sighing. he wasn’t going to leave her alone… and it wasn’t that he denied her of her request that she finds herself troubled — it’s the fact that it actually brings her a tad bit of reassurance. his words, they’re stuttered, raw, and earnest, pulled from the depths of his heart for her to hear and she feels it… even in her own denial, she feels it. it revives a sense of hope that had died just twelve hours prior when she saw him and her sorority sister, and she knows it shouldn’t, it really shouldn’t. but it does, so what could she do? once more, she’s caught at a crossroads, a familiar spot when thinking of him, dwelling over her next words while his own was still registering in the complications of her mind.

“why me?” she lowly asks, frustrated and confused, raking a hand through her hair. what makes her so special… she isn’t all that much, so why go through the trouble for her? that’s what she fails to understand amidst his pleas. “why am i on your mind, why can’t you forget me, why do you care about me?” she knows he most likely doesn’t have an answer, and so she doesn’t expect one, just allowing for a soft sigh to sift past before she shakes her head. “nevermind that, who cares… i just… i need some space. don’t approach me, please. don’t talk to me or look at me, really… i just want to forget all of this, y’know?”

“i’m going to hang up now, san.”

@⁰² jimin y. he wasn’t sure what he had expected, the silence that built between them causing anxiety to slowly creep within his chest. when she did speak, he didn’t follow up — not at first. her words rang within his ears like a dead weight, his breathing becoming slightly heightened in pitch as his chest began to tighten. his fingers curled tightly around his phone, teeth sinking into his lower brim as he attempted to gather his composure — but despite his attempt, the wave of emotions crashed against him, the tugging at his heart causing his eyes to brim with water. was he crying? was choi san /really/ about to lose himself to a girl that he spent all of a few hours with? it sounded ridiculous in his head. she shouldn’t matter this much. it shouldn’t matter to him that she saw him kissing another female. they weren’t dating. no confessions were ever made. they were just two people who had a summer fling.

but she mattered. she mattered far too much for him to comply with her request.

despite not being able to see him, he gave a small shake of his head, lips parting to whisper an ‘i can’t’. “i can’t do that, jimin..” he uttered, his shoulders slumping as he remained perched on the edge of his bed. “if i could do that, i would have done so a long time ago. i would’ve forgotten over the summer but…” pressing his free palm against his left thigh, his fingers curled into a fist. “…you were always on my mind. every day. every night. i couldn’t forget about you even when i tried, and i /did/ try. because i don’t feel for random flings. i don’t care for the people that i sleep with. but i do with you .. i —” …love you. the words sat on the tip of his tongue, begging to escape but he couldn’t let them. he couldn’t let himself be made a fool of for making such a serious confession to a girl who probably didn’t feel the same. at most, he was just a stupid crush to her. “…i can’t forget about you, jimin. please don’t try to force me to. it was a mistake. a stupid, /drunk/ kiss that i wish didn’t happen the moment i saw you.”

@⁰³ san c. her tiredness manifests into impatience, rocking back and forth on her heels for a considerable amount of time before she ultimately lets out a deep breath. caught in a crossfire between herself, she's aware that she's told him she no longer wants to hear his explanations and excuses, but then why was she still on the line? why was she still pressing the screen of her phone to her ear, expectant of a good reason as to why... last night's events happened the way it did. she should hang up, she should've two minutes ago, but she doesn't.

why?

he calls out to her softly, her name rolling off the tip of his tongue with a despondent tone, and it's almost ample enough to make her answer back — just almost. , she hated how weak she was, mentally and physically. the pain that resurfaces in her chest and throat bothers her as she settles onto the cold tiles of the bathroom. as he utters the next few words, the self-hatred soon boils into annoyance and she pulls her phone away from her face, his words wisping away in the air, unheard and uncared for. she couldn't do this—she can't continue burning herself for someone that wasn't worth it. even if she had hoped so bad that he was.

it's a few moments later when she recognizes the silence once more, figuring he was done. tired, she reels her knees against her chest and rests her head on her legs, slowly returning her phone to her ear. "please leave me alone," she whispers out, her mind speaking for her, though her heart aches. "san... if you're sorry, you'd do me this favor at least. leave me alone... delete my number, forget me..."—forget the way you kissed me. no, that one's for her... that's for her to work on. "that's all i ask for."

@⁰² jimin y. when she answers the phone, he can tell she hadn’t recognized the caller i.d. — or at least she didn’t bother reading it, because the tone of her voice only read tiredness, possible exhaustion from the party the previous evening. within seconds of her greeting, his lips had parted to utter an explanation, words wanting to spill from him with desperation to clear the air — but nothing came out, because at that moment, he realized that no matter what he said, it would all look poorly to her. he had no interest in the girl he kissed last night. everything had been full of drunken gestures — but even with that kind of explanation, it still painted him as a guy that only cared for women when they benefited him … and that was far from the truth. at least with her it was. she was the first female in a while that he had any real interest in. when she spoke again, his lips pressed into a thin line, eyes falling shut as he took in her words. he could hear it then — the somberness in her voice. the pain that laced through each word despite her attempt to hold it together. a pregnant pause fell between the two while he gathered his thoughts, eyes soon fluttering open to stare down at the floor before him. what was he supposed to say? “jimin…” he called out once more, the desperation being heard within his own tone. “listen to me, please. it wasn’t — she wasn’t —" with a heavy sigh, he brought a hand up to ruffle the dark strands of his hair, brows knitting together with frustration. “she wasn’t anything. i don’t even know her name. i was drunk and … you know i couldn’t just come look for you.” ‘not after my encounter with your friend’, he thought to himself, but that was a detail he left out for the time being. “i wanted to but i couldn’t. and she came up to me anyway. it’s not like i went searching for anyone to … fool around with. i had no interest in her and i still don’t.”

@⁰³ san c. it's her third time falling back asleep the morning after the party, in the bed of another man that turns his back towards her in his slumber. a man that wasn't anyone she'd imagine herself with, wasn't anyone that she /knew/ more than surface level—just someone that she hoped would've eased the pain felt in her chest. in the back of her mind though, she knew; it wasn't going to be enough. that's why she forces herself to sleep once more, because at least she forgets everything the moment she wakes up. even if it's just for half-a-second, for a sliver of relief from her emotions, she forgets. so, she hikes the blanket up to her chin, eyes fluttering to a close until her phone buzzes beside her, the vibration of it causing the man to stir in his sleep slightly. not wanting to risk waking him up (especially after she's troubled him), she takes her phone and immediately answers without looking at the caller id, raising herself from the bed to then shuffle out of his room.

"hello?" she murmurs out in her groggy voice, still oblivious as to who's calling as she barges herself in gamma beta's vacant bathroom. once she's sure that no one would overhear her conversation, she pulls back to glance at the name.

cocky frat boy. .

"before you start, san... i just want to say i don't want to hear it," she takes in a breath, the memories of last night's happenings flooding in her mind—the way his hands felt on her waist and the giggly smile she regrets giving him, and then how another woman could so easily ease him in and he'd flock to them without any qualms. , this is so stupid... why is she getting so worked up over a man that wasn't worth it? "i really don't. i'm already embarrassed enough and i have a headache from the hangover, i don't want to deal with this. not now... not ever, really. so, i'd appreciate if you stopped calling."

@⁰² jimin y. an entire day had passed since the party and he hadn’t heard a word from her since — but to say he was surprised would be a lie. he had seen the look on her face when another female had dislodged herself from his lap, his hair slightly tussled and his button down shirt ajar from the ministrations of dainty fingers. her gaze had been something that he hadn’t seen from her before — pain. however, before he could even get up to give any kind of explanation, she ran off, and he hadn’t been able to reach her since. gnawing on his lower brim, san pressed the call button to her name once more, listening to his phone ring three times before it went to voicemail again — it was his fifth attempt that morning. darting his tongue out to his dry lips, a hand reached up to fit within his dark strands, carding through them slowly before he dropped his hand to his lap, shoulders slumped a bit.

[ 8:31 am ] missed call from cocky frat boy
[ 8:32 am ] voicemail from cocky frat boy

“jimin..” he began slowly, her name falling from his tongue with regret laced through it. he didn’t think she would’ve saw anything that night — and he certainly hadn’t thought that her sullen expression would have affected him so much. “please pick up … you don’t have to talk, just let me explain. please..”

@⁰² jimin y. "twice. i've only called twice." he mumbled out, embarrassment filling his core as he realized just how out of the blue his actions must seems. and they were, to tell the truth. he rarely (if ever) reached out to those he slept around with once he had his fulfillment -- he sure as hell didn't seek to call them. yet here he was, laying on his back upon his bed, eyes studying the make of his ceiling as his mind became lost with the sound of her voice as it came through the speaker of his phone. as she aired her explanation for being up so late, a brow quirked, having noticed the prolonged pause that came before she gave a definite answer. she definitely wasn't telling the truth -- and for whatever reason, that made him even more curious about who she was with. "sua .." he murmured the name, contemplating on whether he should call her out on her bluff. he didn't. "i didn't know you had a roommate. uh -- i couldn't sleep." he began, tucking his left arm beneath his head for extra support. "ya know, had a certain pretty ... yet aggravating, girl on my mind."

@⁰³ san c. "well, this is the—" she checks her notifications. "second or third time you've called. i think i'm passed annoyed, and more so on the uh 'why-are-you-calling' aspect of things." uttering out a small chuckle, she sits upon the comfort of her bed, allowing for his voice to ring in her ears... as if she hadn't been letting it ponder in her mind for the past evening. hard to forget, she learns. as he questions her, she answers too casually before she can stop. "i just came home, i was out with..." she pauses. should she tell him? well, what's it to him if he knows, right? who cares about how he feels—"my roommate sua." a lie. "your turn. why are you up so late?"

@⁰² jimin y. when the consistent ringing ceased, his heart nearly leaped out of his chest, anticipation (and a bit of dread for even bothering to call) filled his form as he held his phone up to his ear. lips parted to utter a greeting of some sorts — but her voice filtered through the speaker before he could do so, the sound of it sending a shiver up his spine. “uh, yeah. i know.” he uttered, clearing his throat shortly after as he attempted to gather his composure. lifting his gaze back towards the ceiling, he spoke. “i’m surprised you answered — and i’m equally surprised you don’t sound annoyed. …since you did answer, what are you doing up so late?”

@⁰³ san c. curiosity manifests in her mind as she scrolls to see just how much missed calls she's received from him, figuring that it must've been mark or sua attempting to reach her in the wee hours of the night for things much less important than where she was at the moment. but to see san's contact name, it baffles her greatly. in the two minutes from his voice mail to his next call that vibrates in her back pocket, she's made it back to her dorm from her late night... adventures, and immediately, she presses answer and holds her phone to her ear. "hello?" she starts, no maliciousness evident in her tone. "it's midnight, y'know?"

@⁰² jimin y. [ 11:54 pm ] missed call from cocky frat boy
[ 11:55 pm ] voice mail from cocky frat boy

“sooo .. " taking a long pause, san chewed on his lower lip, a small dose of alcohol coursing through his system as he tried to think of what to say. why was he calling her? ever since their encounter at the library, he’s been having a rough time getting the female out of his head. he had figured one or two beers would fix this problem once he got back to his apartment — but that only made the predicament worse. falling back on his mattress, he stared up at the ceiling, cellphone pressed firmly against his ear. “i just — wanted to see what you were up to. did you start reading the books? ah — anyway. call me back if you want. if you don’t, that’s cool too.” ending the voicemail, he held his phone down against his chest, eyes having fallen shut as he waited anxiously for a return call. but, after only two minutes or so, he couldn’t bare waiting any longer, his fingers instantly pressing the call button on her name again.

[ 12:00 am ] incoming call from frat boy

@⁰⁴ seokwoo k. [ 2:45AM ] missed call from soul :smiling_devil:
[ 2:53AM ] missed call from soul :smiling_devil:
[ 3:00AM ] missed call from soul :smiling_devil:
[ 3:02AM ] voice mail from soul :smiling_devil:

"how dare you ignore my phonecalls?! i'm going to knock your knees out until you fall like timber when i see you tomorrow." there's a pause, a long, drawled out sigh heard after her flurry of threats. "look, just get back to me when you hear this? i'm actually concerned here and if i die from anxiety, i'm haunting your . be safe."