Roleplay Concerns - Should I Quit?

At which point do you just say it, and stop roleplaying altogether?

I've been roleplaying since I was 14. Obviously it started as you would imagine; Semi-au ships, simping over fc's, creating dramatic relationship stories with my partner at the time (still grateful to you for introducing me to this world - love you), and the like. Fast-forward to college, my interest in kpop plummeted, but I still lingered around in the roleplays (RPR at the time), introducing my unpopular, usually western fc's that few people cared to interact with. Fast-forward to 21 y.o., got into a relationship and nearly stopped writing for 3 years. I ventured off into historical fiction and fantasy, straying from the concept of using fc's, which greatly broadened my horizons when it comes to caring about the character, rather than the fc. Fast-forward again to August 2021, I got back into roleplaying, and have been compulsively writing for over a year now.

It all started beautifully; I was introduced to MeWe, and delved into both slice of life and fantasy with different characters. Maybe it was the excitement, maybe it was the fact that the new rp scene was new to me, but I was excited! Character/world/lore-building galore, and the creativity was flowing freely. A beautiful few months, filled to the brim with inspiration. Some things happened along the way that unfortunately killed my inspo for certain characters, and I have been forced to (semi-)retire them, but life goes on. New characters, new roleplays joined, more creativity, more character-building, only to... hit a wall, each and every time.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against and romance/relationships, but I don't want those topics to be the focal point of any plot/relation/character. I don't like easy, I don't like convenient, and none of my characters focus on what meets the eye. So, I took it slow each and every time, just waiting to see if anything would stick. Unsurprisingly, none of the other writers' characters had the patience to wait, and therefore no relationship bloomed. Which is fine with me, because I want the real thing for my babies, but - and there's a big 'but' there - that usually meant that people would lose interest in writing with me altogether, since the end goal was not s*x or a romantic relationship. Time and time again, I witnessed my characters being abandoned because they were too slow in developing or expressing their romantic feelings.

At 26 years of age, what I aim to get out of a roleplay/plot has changed significantly. No longer do shallow romances satisfy me, no longer do I care about the linear progression of a storyline. I try to treat and develop my characters as if they are real people, and that usually comes with complexities that most writers I've come across don't vibe with. No longer do I want to write caricatures of people, purely good or purely evil, cookie-cutter doesn't cut it for me anymore - no pun intended. I've joined too many roleplays within the last year+, and there has only been a handful of people that I felt could match my wavelength, writing-wise. But alas, those people are busy and have a life outside of rp, as opposed to me, lmao.

So, to circle back to the original question: At which point do you just give up on roleplaying? At which point do you decide you've had enough of your beloved characters being rejected/avoided because they are too complex, too close for comfort? At which point do you finally accept that the current roleplay scene is just not for you anymore? And how would you go about detoxing from a decade+-old hobby?

I'm sad. I've been sad for months, but seeing as to how I perceive that the situation only keeps getting worse, lately I've been having the urge to leave all the group roleplays I'm in. I would say I'll freelance, but god knows I've tried that, and it's slim pickings out there if you're not interested in . I don't know what to do anymore, to be honest. I don't want to retire any more of my characters, but I don't feel like they'll be able to vibe with anyone out there. So, I am at an impasse, and I genuinely don't know if I should give up, or keep trying, just in case anything unexpected and welcome comes my way.

All that having been said, this blog has no purpose other than me expressing my feelings, which I've been burying within for months now. Feel free to join in on the conversation, vent/rant, or criticise me for potentially sounding judgy. To each their own, obviously, and we are all in this for our own reasons/looking for different things, but I do feel marginalised. Unintentionally yes, but marginalised regardless.

Thank you for reading, and I'm sorry if I bummed you out. Help/suggestions/advice are all welcome.