I was afraid of this.

In five days it'll be three months.

Three months.

He's been gone for three months.

I was so scared that this would happen. I was scared that I would slip back to my old habits. I am back to being completely, totally numb.

I do the same thing as always. I joke around and go to work. I have fun...But then I come back and I feel nothing.

That scares me.

I don't want to feel nothing. I want to continue to feel sad and pained that things are going horribly wrong. Or I want to be happy and feel satisfied that I'm moving on and getting over it. This state of nothing...That's the worst part. It's like, you know you should be feeling something but you aren't.

The worst part is that literally no one thinks I'm still lingering on this. Everyone thinks I've moved on. Even those closest to me.

Does this even make sense. I might be a little drunk. I don't know.

Do you guys even know who I'm talking about? Do you remember the day like I do? The 25th of January?