Siwon's Office

@Siwon [SH] *notices that she looks over at me as well when I got out of the room*
*just leave and head straight to the therapy room, determine to do all my exercise without you looking*
*greet my trainer in charge politely as beginning the session*

+looks at you who clearly looks down with Kyuhyun's behavior+
+smiles encouragingly at you+
Have a sit Mr Choi...
+sits on my chair again and pull out a file regarding Kyuhyun+
First of all...he's getting better...he can walk slowly now, but not for a long time

@Kyuhyun [H] *sighs and looks down, deciding to ignore it as im no where near ready to let go, and i wont ever be*
it didnt matter what way you asked me
*mumbles softly and looks at the wheelchair, staring at it for a while before i walk over to the side and lean against the doctor's desk, deciding to remain silent*
I would like to know...if there is anything for me to know
*my gaze falls on you again, staring at you as if i'm asking you to say something, do something, maybe an affectionate word but drops my head down and bite my lips, gulping down anything else i wanna say*

@Siwon [SH] *smiles at your words as saying you are waiting for me to get over my stupidity*
*shakes my head softly at your words*
You...should have let me go when I asked nicely...
*looks at Anissina get on the wheelchair with her help*
~It's okay Mr Choi...we do have spare wheelchair... ~
*looks at her as she talk to you*
*takes a deep breath, wheeling myself out of the room*
Anissina..if you still want to talk to Siwon...I'm fine with that.. I can just go to the therapy room myself

@Kyuhyun [H] No *mumbles and stands up, hand reaching up to wipe the tear, the manly image i once hard is long gone, replaced by a broken one*
stupid, you are stupid. and i will wait till you get over your stupidity
*mumbles softly as i hear the door open, your doctor coming in with a wheelchair*
*i spare one last glance at you before looking down before i nod at her*
sorry i didnt bring his wheelchair, kinda wanted to carry him around a bit~

@Siwon [SH] *bites on my bottom lip hard at the sight of you crying*
*look away almost instantly*
I am cruel...you know that... I am a selfish brat, and you also know that
*try hard not to cry along with you as I need to pull this act perfectly*
You..can't stop what I am going to do to myself
It's mine...and I can do anything...just let me go...

@Kyuhyun [H] *stares at you for a while unable to form any words*
*tears up slightly, looking down at our hands as im simply breaking, having not once cried before*
....cho kyuhyun....
*mumbles, squeezing my eyes shut as a single drop of tear roll down my cheek, and i bite my lower lip rather harshly, holding back all the emotions i have held in me for too long*
you have zero considerations for other's feelings....
*mumbles and leans against my seat, not uttering a single word* threatening me? thats quite funny
kyu, i thought you were smart

@Siwon [SH] *looks at you as shaking my head*
No...I'm not lying. I'm being honest
Every time I see you...I can't feel the love anymore
*looks at our hand that is still attached to each other*
Choi Siwon...
*looks up at you, then slowly try to pry your hand away*
I will do anything to get away from you then...if...asking you nicely won't do
I don't mind harming myself...

@Kyuhyun [H] I'm gonna be selfish this time, I want you both
*chuckles at your last words and shakes my head and shrugs my shoulders*
I don't care, you shouldnt have made me fall, now you have to deal with consequences
Kyu ah, don't lie to me, i have known you for too long to fall for your lies
*says in a soft voice as i shift a little to get closer to you, my hand tightening on yours, but still not too tight*
punch me, kill me, do anything you want, im still the consequence of your actions

@Siwon [SH] You...are not gonna die...you have..Junsu now... Junsu suits you better...
*shakes my head at your words when you sounds like accusing me*
It's not easy...but my heart can't take it any longer... I know I'm selfish...a brat...but... I couldn't help myself but to feel I am...not needed
*looks at you as you begin talking in inaudible voice, couldn't help but to feel guilty over it*
*closes my eyes once you asked that question only to open them again, determine to lie to you this time*
*looks straight into your eyes before nodding slowly*
Yes... I...don't want you anymore

@Kyuhyun [H] you still don't get it...
*chuckles softly, shaking my head slightly as i look down at our hands, my thumb running over your hand gently*
I said i'd die without you...
yet you are easily letting go of everything....its like you are asking me to die you know
if i let go, im just as good as a dead person
you, me and Junsu....we have a relationship...and I want it to stay alive...Im attached, after all this time you can't just tell me to let go Kyu..
*mumbles tiredly, my voice barely above a whisper, unlike all the times that i have been angry while talking my words just stay calm*
don't be sorry, you can't be sorry when there is always a way to fix things...
*frowns slightly before i bite down on my lip* how can you tell me to let go?....do you not want me anymore?

@Siwon [SH] *looks at you as I can see the exhaustion is drawn on your face obviously*
I guess...it's never work to talk it out to you then...
*sighs deeply as looks down on my laps before slowly grabbing on your hand*
If..it's hurt you too much to keep holding on
It's time for you to let it go?
Don't you think so?
*takes a deep breath as holding your hand tightly*
I'm the one that bring all of this mess upon us...you'll not feel like this if it's not because of me
I'm so sorry for everything...everything...including the time when we first met
I should end it before everything start..now look at what have I done.. I turn you into an exhausted person.. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry

@Kyuhyun [H] I just......i just wanna know why don't you trust me
*glance at you and stares for a while, only listening before leaning back against the sofa, letting out a soft chuckle*
honestly kyu, It's not that i hate it...I just know you can stronger than this, it makes me angry
and....I'm not as strong as you think i am...i might look like it but what you fail to notice is that its killing me
it feels like I'm the only one who is trying to hold on into anything, to keep everything together
and ...Kyu just....*sighs and closes my eyes, letting my head lean back against the couch*

@Siwon [SH] *bites my bottom lip at your question as slowly nodding my head, admitting to the lack of trust I have for you*
I-I try to trust you more...but..I couldn't
*misinterpreted your question as I begin unfolding my feelings in front of you*
I know you hate this wek Kyuhyun...and I'm sorry
I couldn't... I just can't... And yes now you are making me uncomfortable
Because I'm the one whi is loosing faith in everything
I don't even know where I can hold on anymore

@Kyuhyun [H] Okay
*says softly, deciding not to say anything further and drops my head down, unable to find any words to say before glancing at you*
I'll just wait here
*glances at you and manages to give you a small smile before shaking my head*
no....im glad you did
*speaks softly as i slowly walk over to take a sit beside you, looking down at my fingers almost blankly before glancing at you beside me, staring for a while before dropping my gaze low*
do you not trust me?
*speaks softly, the words not meaning in general, only asking if you trust me to be here or not, wondering if you think i might run away from you*
i feel like....maybe im too much to handle sometimes....did i make you feel uncomfortable?

@Siwon [SH] *flinch a little when you press your hand down my shoulder, can't help but to think that you are annoyed and mad at me*
*take a deep breath, put my hand on your hand which is resting on my shoulder, pull it away*
*look at Anissina again, waiting for her words*
~On second thought...Mr Choi...can you wait here first? I will be going to the session with Kyuhyun...~
*heaves a huge sigh of relief when she said that, feels glad that you didn't have to see the embarrassing scene of me falling down again and again in front of everybody*
Thank you Anissina...
*smiles at her as she got up and take a free wheelchair outside of her office and leaves us both alone*
I'm sorry...
*whispers softly although I know you can hear me, remember your words of doesn't want to force me and you are feeling like you have been forcing me*
I shouldn't ask you to come on the first place....I'm sorry...

@Kyuhyun [H] *walks inside and lean against the wall next to the door*
*listens carefully to her before glancing at kyu*
i would like to come if that wont be a problem
i would also be thankful if you tell me the things i can do to somehow help, im kinda clueless
*throws her a small smile that doesnt really reach my eyes much before glancing back at you, staying silent for a but before walking towards you, pressing my hand down on your shoulder*
i mean i'll come if its okay with him...i dont want to force him into anything
feels like i have been doing that *mumbles the last part more to myself, though my voice is rather loud*

@Siwon [SH] *hears the knock, Iook at the door*
~Come in Mr Choi...~
*bite down my bottom lip, unsure on what to do*
Anissina..can I borrow this hospital wheelchair?
Sorry...kind a...git transported here...*
*try to grin at her but fail badly*
~Sure...we can go to the session now...the nurse will help you out there.. I'm coming as well...uhm..Mr Choi...will you come with us?~
*looks at her, shaking my head a little but she doesn't seem to notice my sign*

@Kyuhyun [H] *walks back towards the room and slowly knocks on it*
can i come in yet?
*says softly as i lower my hands away from the door and shove them in my pocket*
*takes a deep breath as i just try to push away the thoughts in my head and try to understand, even though my logic can be stubborn at times*
*bite down on my bottom lip and opens the door, peeking inside carefully waiting for permission*

@Siwon [SH] ~Cho Kyuhyun...the fact that you have go so many thing in your life, proves to me that you are strong...you just have to find your will back..maybe, a vacation perhaps..alone and away from everyone who looks down on you...the source of your stress~
*looks up at her and couldn't help but to smile*
Good ides...I need a break for myself...but that just can help if I'm not a mother Anissina...I am a mother
I couldn't leave my babies behind..
*sighs*
It's okay Anissina...just pretend today never happen...I will try my best at the session
Let's go to the therapy room...still need to do some massage and such...
Ah...better call for somebody to help...I kind a need my wheelchair to move now

@Kyuhyun [H] this is stupid *mutters to myself, knowing i can not understand you well enough and it makes me mad, but the fact that you are giving up like this makes me even madder*
cant listen to this anymore
*mumbles under my breath and pulls my chair away from the door, a blank look coming on my face as i stare at the white wall ahead, unable to understand cause even though you are like this, you are still a mother*
*frowns deeply as i know you dont understand my logic and i dont understand yours in this matter eighter and i feel utterly helpless in this situation, unable to come up with a solution*

@Siwon [SH] *looks at her as she stands up and sit next to me, her hand rubbing by arm soothingly*
~Kyuhyun...you shocked us before this when you fought death and come back alive...we even predicted that you wouldn't survive back there, but you did...then why are you giving up now?~
Because I'm tired...I'm insecure..
I feels like I'm an ugly hideous monster...I feel useless...
No one can get what I mean...because none of you right now is standing in my shoes...all of you can do is talk...and talk...I'm the one who face it...tell me, have you ever feel the feeling of wanting to stand up but you can't?
Or when you see your children playing and you wishes that you can runs with them but what you can do is only staring at them from your bedroom...or when they asked you to teach you a simple dance but you end up asking others to show them?
Have you?
I feel like I'm a failed mother...a failed lover...I can't go to the bathroom myself in the middle of the night, or even hold my babies in my arms when they got nightmare...because I can't hold them tightly anymore
This damn hands are always trembling in unexpected times...do you even understand that?

@Kyuhyun [H] *stands up and grabs one of the chairs just to bring it down next to door just as you start talking*
*ignores the look i get and press my ear closer to the door, my frown deepening with each word coming out of your mouth and the anger comes back full force cause i can not believe all of this happened and you didnt even bother telling me*
*bite down on my bottom lip harshly, wondering why in the world would you feel like you are burden, but tries to somehow understand even though i still having a hard time understanding you as i think you are giving up too soon and its so not like you to do this*
*gets up and stays away from the door just o pull my phone out, calling my father* hay dad...no im taking a few month off can you manage for me? ...its about kyu...yeah thanks
*finished the call and lower my hand down to slide my phone back in my pocket before i walk back and lean back beside the door, thinking we'll have to have a serious talk after this*

@Siwon [SH] *she smiles t you as you get up and go out from the room*
*ignores you and still have my eyes on her*
~Kyuhyun...~
*still didn't budge when she calls out my name, only staring straight at her*
~I know that you are frustrated and almost give up, but you can't... You have to believe in yourself...you have to be strong...the will inside you that will help you out of this...~
*couldn't help but to snicker at her*
What will do I left with now Anissina?
*begin talking as I thought you leave and is standing far from the room judging from your angry look*
I was strong...but I am not...all this while... I came here, doing as instructed to me..listens to your words but where did those bring me to?
Nowhere!
I ended up sitting on the wheelchair still, my hands are slowly getting useless as well...those people out there are now mocking me
I tried to ignore everything I heard but I'm just a human...
In front of me, in front of my family, they acted as they are sympathizing with me, but behind me, they talk bad about me..even wishes for my death
Do you know how it's feel when you so used to be the one your loved one depended on but now you have to trouble them?
Hell... I can't even pee without help!
I'm ashamed...I feel embarrassed...
Then come the peoples around me start talking about how my lovers deserves better
At first, I thought they were jealous but now I think they are right
I am a burden now, not more than old rag
*keep spitting it out on her*

@Kyuhyun [H] please do, cause it seems like its not himself he doesnt care about, he doesnt care about me eighter
*mumbles softly and glances at you before i get up and walk out of the room, closing the door behind me*
*takes a deep breath trying to calm myself down as i go to sit down in one of the chairs beside the window, close enough to the door so i would hear you if you ever called me*
*bite down on my bottom lip, more sad than angry as i think you have stopped caring about me, cause if you did you wouldnt have given up so easily, specially when you know how much i care and the thought itself its me up, making my frown look deeper*
*raise my hand, fingers slipping between my locks, tugging at the ends slightly out of frustration*

@Siwon [SH] ~Calm down Mr Choi...Kyuhyun...please...we talked about this before right? Hum...Mr Choi...can I have a moment with Kyuhyun please... I will inform you later on if anything..~
*looks at you when you snapped at me, pull my hand away from your grasp*
Excuse me Mr Choi Siwon...those useless are mine
I know how useless they are right now...and you can't force me to do things I don't want to...
*looks away always immediately, still didn't get shaken with your changed aura*
*looks at Anissina then start focussing on her*
Is your moment that you asked is for me to hearbyour preach? Come on...I've been hearing your preaching for almost a year now
But do I have any improvement? No right?
There's no use doing this...besides its not about my legs anymore, but you do know about my occasionally hand tremors..

@Kyuhyun [H] shut up Cho Kyuhyun
*snaps at you immediately, a lot of anger showing in my eyes, the anger i have never really shown and im silently scolding you with my gaze before i turn my attention towards the doctor*
so he'll be fine, i just have to keep his stubborn brain in check
*says softly, leaning back against my seat as my mood changes, my aura changes as well and i keep glancing at you*
dont throw hopeless stuff at me kyuhyun cause i can mentally roast you if i want to, you are going to the session whether you like it or not till you are healed both physically and mentally

@Siwon [SH] *pouts at her a little but she ignores me but decides on focusing on you insted*
~Okay..from the blood test and the x-ray we've done last week, Kyuhyun's injured spinal cord has fully healed but he still couldn't feel his leg because of his sensory loss...~
*couldn't help but smirk at her words a little, try to conceal it away though*
~The physiotherapy that Kyuhyun undergoes right now is not enough...he needs to attend to some psychological sessions as well because some of the patient is not realizing because of their thoughts that make them couldn't move their legs~
*looks at your hand that is holding mine*
Great...physical sessions are not enough...now trying to pull the mind trick on me... I've heard enough....
I couldn't feel my legs and that's all...you and your fake hope you gave to me before this is enough Anissina

@Kyuhyun [H] *listens to her and glances at you before letting out a soft sigh*
yeah...i was quite eager to come here and actually know more, since he doesnt really tell much and i cant really help
*mumbles and glance at you, raising an eyebrow at you before i avert my gaze back to the doctor*
please do add the things i need to know....this stubborn person besides me refuses to say much you know
*lower my hand down to yours, pulling it on my own lap to holds it tightly*

@Siwon [SH] *looks at you a little and as you put me down on the sofa. Smiling at Anissina as she takes out my file*
Err...Anissina...
let's just go to the therapy...I think that's better..
I don't really want to know what's going on with me...
*looks at you pleadingly and notices her looking at you*
~Uhm...well, it's not a first time Mr...~
*she looks at me for a while before I say your name*
Choi...
~Yes...Mr Choi...I was surprised to see you...but it's okay...I guess Kyu invites you this time...and Kyuhyun...sorry..you have to listen first before we proceed...~

@Kyuhyun [H] nope you arent, you asked me to come with you now you have to face the consequences Cho Kyuhyun
*says firmly as i walk towards the said door and knock it with my feet*
*hears a come in and i gently push the door open, noticing the surprised expression on the doctor's face and i just smile*
*walks towards the couch and gently puts you down on it before i take a sit beside you and lean back. looking at the doctor then back at you* my baby was being a tad bit stubborn today doc