╺ park.

@★ jongin k。 Tw: alcohol, drunkness, mentions of suicide and depressing thoughts ok bye


The party was finally over, another weight lifted off his shoulders. Though, he was sure there was going to be more weight ahead as that was just the way things were. He thought as he was beginning to drive home. He was glad /most/ didn’t notice him, notice him on the sidelines hiding away from the young crowd. Notice the times where he actually disappeared to take a moment or just hide and drink himself away secretly. And then- joining that drinking game just added to the amount he drank that night. Changwook was a heavyweight, and he didn’t even know his own limits when it came to drinking, nor did his doctor. But he probably reached it tonight. Because after just a few minutes of driving, the effects of the alcohol came crashing in on him in indescribable ways... and he knew he had to immediately stop. This time, it just so happens that he had to stop at the park. It’s way past time for anyone to legally be there, but he couldn’t give a . He drove into the lot and parked sloppily into a darker area where it would be harder for him and his car to be spotted. And in the most ungraceful way, he stumbled out of his car and wobbled over to a park bench that was about 18 feet from the lake that was there. With a weak conscience and body, he took a seat and stared out into the darkness, elbow propped up on the table before he rests his cheek in his palm. He stares for a while, and then closes his eyes to let the effects of the alcohol do their thing, he let it burn through his body and make him weaker, take over him, slow his mind down. Usually people love this feeling, but Changwook hates it. He feels vulnerable. And he’s suddenly washed over with a strong feeling of

Depression

People were so used of seeing the dean that what? What was it? Oh yeah, that had a “stick up his ”

But he was glad it was this way, he didn’t want the students to know about just what a sad piece of he was under that mask he wears every day. How each day was sometimes a fight to have the will to continue to live his life and not take it himself, he didn’t want the students to know about that when some of them were struggling with the same thing, or much worse. And... somehow, all of those feelings came out while he felt intoxicated, but it was easy for him to fight against it with the with the gentle burning and mellowness that his body felt.
But somehow, where he was in that moment, he felt a type of peace; a pathetic and painful peace, but peace.