Seungyoon's Apartment

I hurry my way back home, heart racing in my chest as I think about it over and over again in my head. It felt impossible to shut it off or for long if I could. I enter my apartment and slip out of my shoes and brushed by my sleeping dog on his bed to head to my room. I collapse onto the bed on my stomach before turning around to lay on my back.
"God Yoon....you idiot." I winced as I recall the kiss and I press the tips of my fingers to my tiers, his lips lingered on them and made things so hard to forget. I recall his look after the kiss ....the way he stepped back....
Was I bad at the kiss....no....it's not that....you kissed your friend....out of the blue and didn't even ask. You are not suppose to kiss your friend.
I clench my jaw and take my pillow to throw it over my face so I could yell into the soft material.
"Idiot...." And naturally I would want to hide and stay away from him but I made a promise I wouldn't but I am scared...I am scared of kissing him again....scared of what I might do because of these feelings for him. I should just be his friend not someone with a crush ...because a relationship will never work out, I'll disappoint him and lose the only close friendship I have..... I knew I had to talk to him....but to say what....to ask for distance? To explain the kiss? To apologize? I let out a sigh and ended up thinking about this for the rest of the night, running scenarios in mind of how it could go like

I make my way back home after distracting myself for a long, unknown walk till the sun went down and my feet were sore. I enter the currently empty dorm I was living by myself, I lazily removed my shoes as I step through the dark structure counting on my memory to lead me through the darkness. Once I reached the living room area, I flick the light on and pause as a brief memory plays in my head, my expression blank though the pain and worry wanted to slip out as I try to restrain it.

The memory of leaving my friend's bed in the middle of night floods my mind, dressing myself quietly to not wake up. Recalling that feeling of looking back at them sleeping, and the guilt was there no matter what decision I made. And I left in a hurry like a coward, I ran and hid from them. Years of hurting a friend because I was afraid, and I still am, but do I want to recreate those incidents with Felix....

I snap out of it with a groan and make my way to my bedroom, plopping on the bed where my dog was sleeping peacefully. Laying there, inevitably I stare up at the ceiling, recalling what happened today.

"flirty....and over friendly.....boyfriend....mmm" Mumbles to myself as my dog perks his head up and scoots himself on top of my chest, naturally I embrace his brown fluffy self in my arms, stroking his head as he looked up at me. Glances down and laughs bitterly. "what do I do....? He...looked hurt...and so sad....Do...I distant myself...do I talk to him...."

Holds him tighter in my arms and sighs softly, closing my eyes. "I'm afraid....of liking him...I can only be his friend..." Groans and lets go of Thor so I could roll to my side, taking my pillow to bury myself underneath it, trying to not think about today or about Felix or about feelings and all of that. Though I had to figure what to do....about this all.

After waking up I stumble half awake to the washroom, requiring the aid of cold water against my face to wake me up faster. Taking about three splashes of the ice cold water, I turn the faucet off and stare off at my reflection, noticing my eyes a little puffy and my lips slightly chapped before I were to freshen and prep myself up for the day. Instead I find myself getting lost in the past, in a memory that never seems to leave me alone, instead it clings to my heart and guilts me.

******

It was almost morning and I had sneaked out and things had changed according to what I had planned, and here I was sneaking back home knowing my boyfriend must be sleeping or away doing his usual routines. Cautiously I opened the door and without turning any lights I made my way throughout the quiet and dark home, feeling like an intruder in it for once. I stopped in my tracks, my eyes widening when I see my boyfriend passed out on the kitchen table, with a small light shining on him, making me wondered was he waiting for me to come home? I thought how strange and bizarre it was if he was....maybe he just simply passed out and forgot to go to bed.
My dark orbs glance over his state as the guilt slipped in, my hair was still in a messy appearance as I fidget with the ends of my sweater. I sigh and shake my head at myself as I make my way to change in the bedroom, I flicked the lights on only to turn them off quickly, seeing a stranger sleeping in our bed and didn't want to wake him up. I press my back against the door, for some reason, knowing what took place, I felt more and more guilty......I felt horrible....I quickly changed into something in the dark.
I exited the room only to lift my boyfriend up in bridal style, I take him back to our bedroom to lay him down beside the stranger and pulled the covers over his slender figure. I press a kiss to his hair and mumble
"I'm sorry"

******
A sigh slips out my tiers as I proceed to wash my teeth, and head out to feed my dog along with Seunghoon's before I get myself breakfast.

(inhales okay 14 mins....lets go)

Hehehehehe

EXCUSE YOU

* your door and runs*

.....................................................

*presses my face to your front door*
Congratulations~

my own home finally~