⤷ aspen's apartment

@aspen. That touch, that one simple touch of her hand against the heated surface of his cheek soothed more than just the injured skin. Silas couldn't remember the last time he had felt ever so calm as he did now with Aspen. Even though they had all the tricks and turns of the universe against them, it'd always been this way. How could he ever forget the aingeal, the saving grace she was in human form--not just for him but for Noah, for everyone who had the luck of knowing her. The direction of his repent gaze traced over the soft curves and bumps of her angelic face, over the droplets of sorrowful tears that streaked down those blushing cheeks he loved, and over the downturned corners of her lips--and the steady disposition he upheld broke. Years of cruel, humanistic pain drenched her visage, and he hated himself even more so for having been the retched cause for the way she appeared now in front of him only inches away.

His fingertips grazed over the outline of her jaw before they soothed up, his palm finally holding her cheek in return as he wept, soft sobs joining hers, five years worth of grief-stricken regrets spilling from his eyes then. Silas could barely believe it, that they were here speaking their pain, reopening their scars for each other. It almost felt surreal in a way, but he prayed when he'd wake up tomorrow morning, nothing was just in his dreams as they had been plenty of times before. It took a few deep breaths for him to regain his sense of coherency. "I was foolish. I was blinded, Aspen.. I thought I knew better, but I know it now and when I continued to love you long after we parted that I was dreadfully wrong," he shook his head, eyes closing. "I lost faith.. I lost faith in everything because I didn't have faith in myself or what I was doing. I'm sorry that I made you suffer for it, my Aspen.."

With another light shake of his head while their foreheads pressed against one another's, Silas reached for her other hand and brought it up, unfolding it and placing it on his chest, her opened palm over the sturdy thrums of his heart, rhythmic beats resounding the two syllables of her name as they had always done since that brumous night they spent in conversation seated on the cold floor of the Hogwarts kitchen. "Aspen Norlette Beaumont," he spoke her name sternly as he watched more tears fall from her eyes, the wetness meeting his thumb that gently brushed over the warmth of her cheek. "Look at me.."

"I was, was and always have been.. yours, ceol mo chroí. No matter how many times I tried to undo myself from you, the more tangled up I got in my love for you," softly but surely, he confessed, words but a murmur. "It's irreversible, and the truth.. the truth is that I don't want to stop loving you. I never stopped loving you, Aspen. Even when I left you.. and when you left me. Hoax me, jinx me, or curse me for being so stubborn, but I still loved you then and I love you still, Aspen.. I belong to you." This time it was his lids that fell to a close, the final collection of tears pricked from the rims of his eyes, trickling down as his lips pressed careful kisses to the suppleness of her cheeks, kissing away the clear paths of her own teardrops.

@silas. Sometimes Aspen could feel her darkness, like a fragment of nerves inside of her somewhere, sparking her hate. She could picture it moving throughout her body, the other cells letting it pass by, yielding to its master. It moves to her tongue when it wants me to spew beautiful, damaging words just like how it moves to her hands when it wants her to feel all it can take away, and it moved to her eyes to blind her from truly seeing the destruction she'd potentially done.

She didn’t know her heart could break further into a million and one pieces but there it was in her chest, countless pieces of fragile glass fragments. She didn’t know why she was still crying over and for him, shock painted over dainty features and marred them in an ugly way. Moreover, she did not know why she still wanted to pick up the same broken glass shards and piece it all back together so she was whole again… but she knew, deep down, that it was her infinite love for him. This heartbreaker, beautiful angel of pain and her soul. No matter what he’d done to her, no matter how her heart ached and no matter how messy her head was, one thing remained clear and had always been so: Aspen loved Silas, irrevocably and immeasurably.

Just as she made her decision, the world outside stopped it’s pour of downfall onto the world, calming so she could collect herself.

Her hands rose to her cheeks, wiping the tear streaks, her damp hair tendrils and remaining droplets off her face before she walked into his space. Alas, the tears continued, the scars on her heart opening enough to gush out all the emotions she’d kept to herself for the last five years. She’d done so well but at that very moment, she was simply, merely a girl who carried all the burdens and pain in the world on her shoulder that they had slumped slightly over the years.

Her hand flit to his face, cradling it with the utmost care like how she held their son all the time and allowed her thumb to brush against his cheek in an attempt to wipe his tears away. “Then why,” she spoke in a hushed whisper, a shaky breath that barely made it from the rain outside. “Why did you do that? Why did you have such little faith in me… in us?” her voice broke into a sob, the torrent outside increasing with every heartbeat that pushed through her chest.

Aspen inhaled through , leaning forward to press her forehead against his. “Maybe you would have hurt me if I had stayed. But you left me… you expected me to breathe in a world without air. I did it and I hate myself for it but I knew that I couldn't be selfish and want what was not mine anymore.” Her eyelashes fluttered and caught to the dewdrops that spilled past her tear ducts as she closed her eyes, her voice barely a whisper of a breath like a spring’s cold tempestuous breeze. “But there is one thing that needs to be said and I will write it to the skies if I have to.. Silas, I love you. A thousand times over and I will never apologize for it.”

@aspen. Frustration was replaced by deep worry the longer he stood there in the dark without a single sign of Aspen appearing any time soon. His soaked clothes had been quickly remedied with a wave of his wand but if she was still outside in the persistent storm, he'd march right through it again to find her---where in the world was she?

In the quiet minutes he spent with himself, Silas realized how much of an he'd been to leave her like that—so sudden, filled with pure formidable emotion---and stealing from her, the chance to keep him from leaving. He left on his own accord, which must've been jarring for her to, once again, watch him walk away and disappear without letting her know if he was returning or not. For if he hadn't left the way he did, maybe she wouldn't have been so distraught, and she wouldn't have followed him out into the rain. Guilt suddenly filled him, hitting him in the gut like an invisible punch---his opponent? His own crippling disregard for what /she/ wanted. He believed that up until now everything he did was in her favor, for her sake alone—and true, that they were. But with an unexpected wave of horrid consternation, his thoughtlessness became astoundingly apparent from the first time he believed that she deserved someone better than him, to his decision to stay away from her and now, with his continued attempts to protect her by leaving again.

Yes, his love was persevering and self-sacrificing. But oh, it also made him a laughable fool, for he had been so blinded by his internal promise to guard her future that he'd forgotten what truly mattered in the end---which was whether or not this was what /they/ wanted their past and present to be.

For a few moments, that baneful cloud of doubt came swirling back, hovering over him like an old, rowdy friend to remind him that he wasn't a person worthy enough to keep her happy throughout the years. He wouldn't be able to fulfill her wishes, plans, and a plethora of other dreams she had. Somehow, in one way or another, he'd only bring tears to her eyes and cause pain for her fierce yet tender heart again and again, even after all the years they spent apart. What took place earlier that night was proof enough to convince him of that.

And yet.. in the course of the handful of days they were around each other, through the little things she'd shown him and through the little things he shared with her, there existed an inkling of hope. A unsullied sliver of joy that one often felt when they were at home right where they belonged. It didn't matter all that much if he, himself, felt as though he wasn't enough for her; but rather, if this was what they wanted, to have one another and take on life's challenges together——

The soft creaking of wooden floor boards woke him from his epiphany, and he looks up to find Aspen there in front of him, moving towards him with determination and fire in her eyes. "Aspen.." He knew what was coming; their gazes locked in the seconds in-between, her impulsion easily read by him. But Silas made no plan to move, his feet planted firmly on the ground as the face of her opened palm struck him hard, the blunt impact leaving his cheek perfusing with a burning, needle-like sting. I deserved it.. he thought to himself. He'd been the selfish one, so what was he supposed to say? What words from him would tend to the deep wounds, would heal the careless cuts he'd left on her young heart five years ago--that perhaps, were still open and bleeding and unsure of an antidote which would take all of the pain away. Closing his eyes, his head dropped in the same way he had let her down as Aspen's voice rose. He'd been as much of an inconsiderate as Calum. He was stupid, so stupid..

When she muttered an apology, he lifted his gaze to meet hers, the spot between his brows knitted together in protest--though this time, unlike the other times, Silas' voice came out with an air of calmness. "Don't.. Don't be sorry, Aspen.. please... I'm the one who is sorry. I'm the one that ed up, and you have every right in the world to swear at me, to hit me, to hate me.." The tempestuous remorse tighten his chest the longer he stood there realizing just how much he'd hurt her. Silent tears of repent came unknowingly. They trickled in a slow path from his eyes down over the fiery warmth of his cheeks before he had time to register them. "I'm sorry.. for being so stupid. I never meant to hurt you, but I have.. beyond the point of forgiveness. I've hurt you.. us.. I'm sorry, Aspen.. I promised you things and broke them all because I was careless.. I was afraid. I was so afraid to hurt you, so I was trying so hard to be so careful.. but I went and hurt you anyways with my stupidity and by making you think I don't want you when you're still the only one I've ever wanted. I'm sorry..." His words were spoken through shallow breaths, soft sobs repressed with his attempts to swallow the lump in his throat. "If you never want to see me again, please.. tell me. I'll...I'll remove myself from your memories, so it won't hurt anymore.."

@silas. with her cry, she took a step forward.. and another, but somehow the distance between them grew. until he was out of her sight, covered by the onslaught and torrent of the storm. and no matter how much aspen tried to look for him, pray that he was still there in the spot she saw him last, no matter how much she called for him, silas has disappeared. like a mirage and a surreal dream, he was gone.

rage surged through her veins, freezing her body much more than the pellets of water did. not because he had left her high and dry or because of anything that he’d say to her; no, aspen’s rage was far beyond that one stolen moment spent in the confines of her home tinged by hatred. Her anger was fueled solely by everything she had gone through for five entire years— from the moment he’d left her crying and bloody in her dorm room at Hogwarts to the last kiss they shared on the rooftop when he’d begged her to stay and then finally until that very moment in the rain with her heart wrenched and tightened by a million knots. And the pain was enough to make her to cry out loud one last time, her knees buckling under her weight so she fell to the ground, unsure if the moisture on her face was her tears or the rain.

For a brief moment, she thought of that one little dulcet instant of peace she had shared with her grandmother whi had began explicitly telling her that girls were often fools, for loving men that did not deserved them and for allowing said men for making fools out of them. And when she had temperedly proclaimed that she wasnt a fool, Nana Beaumont had simply laughed. “Oh, dear child,” the gracefully withered woman had tenderly chided. How Aspen missed that heartwarming laughter at that very moment.

She had no idea how long she sat there in the pouring rain— just that the pain in her heart didnt want to subside even after seconds or minutes passed. even if nothing but sobs came out of , her heart begged and cried for the love of her life. for then in that breath between one heartbeat and the next and continuously so, aspen belonged to silas. ever since that first kiss in the kitchen freezer over a shared tub of ben and jerry’s icecream.

her hand flit up to wipe at her eyes but the motion was interrupted when a flash of blue sparkled in her palm. a faery; Aspen had never knew where to find them, never had she even thought that any of them would be in her space but there this one was, a waiflike and tiny creature with iridescent wings that tugged on her index finger, pointing towards the direction of... home.

sniffling, aspen lifted herself, the frown that marred her face still in place. “you want me to go home?” she asked sweetly, her voice nasally from the amount of crying she had done that night. the faery nodded wildly, its wings beating with an erratic pace as if to tell her to hurry. “He wont be there. He left me, my dear.” Ah, there it was again, the pessimistic Aspen who dared not think that she was worth more.

the trip home was short, the faery still in Aspen’s palm but the moment she pushed the door to her bakery open, it flit away in a flurry of blue blaze and shimmering wings. Strange... sighing to herself, Aspen closed the doors and making sure the rest of the place was safe, she began trudging upstairs to her apartment. She was too cold, too hungry and too sad; was it too late to call Freyja to ask her to drop Noah home?— the thought wrenched itself out of her mind when her gaze fell onto the man who stood in the middle of her living room. And there it was, the same rage that had built into her earlier and ate at her for so many years despite how her eyes filled once again with incessant tears.

She advanced on him first, tears spilling past her tear ducts and falling onto her cheeks. And before she knew it, her palm rose and met his cheek, the sound of the slap echoing against the walls of her home.

“How dare you?” She began, not giving him time to speak— she wouldn’t, she had too much to say to him. “How dare you leave me like this? How dare you tell me to stay when you said you don’t want anything with me? You left me for five years, Silas! You can’t just walk back in here and demand to be a part of my life and Noah’s!” With every breath she took, her voice rose until she was yelling and she stood merely an inch from his body. That’s when she realized what she had done, the red handprint a stark contrast against the color of his skin. A shocked gasp slipped past her lips and she automatically took a step back, her hands flying to cover . “I-i’m so sorry..”

@aspen. The skies rained down on him harder as he walked down the narrow street and briefly, he wondered if the great heavens were crying for the both of them in the same way it snowed in white flurries the day she left him five years ago. But it was such a silly thought. After all, the world was not theirs; and no matter how many instances they painstakingly tore themselves away from each other, life would go on without a care--for that was what it did best in all of its awe and cruelty. He learned the validity of that truth time and time again after every successful and every unsuccessful case he journeyed through as an Auror and as himself, just Silas. Reality of life was a friend to no one, not even to the kindest and most innocent of creatures.

Whether their fate was to always be tainted in this way of forever wanting and yearning but never quite reaching that point of everlasting, Silas didn't know--nor did he have a way of knowing. If he turned back, maybe they would have a chance. A chance to renew, a chance to change this ugly twisted fate of theirs; but Silas felt that if he did--turn around, that is--his presence would only trouble her more. He cared far too much about her to put her in a situation where she would be pressured to choose than to do as she wished. Aspen's cries that cut through the stormy night struck him from his absorption, and he almost stopped--but then focused with vivid clarity on that shady spot of the sessile oak tree he and his old fairy friends loved spending their summers under and within mere seconds, he was transported there safe and sound, out of Aspen's sight.

"Episkey," his gentle voice broke the erratic buzzing of his winged friends as he sat there on one of the unearthed roots, the blooded cut on the corner of his lip healing over as if completely new. Their nimble fingers tidied him up and mended the buttons on his shirt that his hurried lover tore from their threads. Moments passed since he'd left Aspen alone in the pouring rain. Silas wondered if she'd already gone inside and cleaned up, perhaps even was already under the covers and fast asleep. But what if she was still outside, carelessly allowing herself to be drowned in the rain water and the thunder? Would she be such a fool to do so? Jesus ing Christ. If she was, she'd get sick. And if she was sick...

"Off," he muttered sternly, standing up from his spot. "I need to go back." The faeries fluttered away from their friend to their hiding spots, frightened and slightly offended by his indelicate tone. He'd have to make it up to them later--severely--but for now, the darkness of the room he stood in painted his thoughts from memory, and he disapparated, the tenebrous stillness of the living room now ading around him. It was quiet, too quiet. Where had she gone? If she wasn't asleep in her bed, then wherever she was, Silas stood there in the middle of the living room, still drenched in the rain to wait for her.

@silas. He was decadent on her tongue, her tastebuds elated at the feeling of the heftiness and saltiness of his length. How could she have forgotten this? Granted, there was no one she had been so crass with to be on her knees in front… not even Calum, as much as she hated admitting it. Her hands fell to her lap when he forced her face away from him, long lashes fluttering as she gazed up at him; he was an artist’s study, lit by dim candles and the occasional lightning that brightened the world but over the years, he’d lost the boyhood of his face and aura. This was the man who made her heart beat on his own whims, the same man who held her entire existence between agile yet thick fingers just like how he held her face.

God, how she hated him; hated that she knew everything he was saying, knew how right he was, hated how her heart still called for him and hated how, despite everything, she still loved him. Oh, how she was a fool for love.

When he left, she didn’t know how long it took her to wrench her out of her own thoughts; it could have been mere seconds or minutes, maybe even hours but by the time she snapped herself out of it, tears had already prickled down flushed cheeks. No, she couldn’t do that anymore, she thought to herself as she rose from her knees and with a power she didn’t know she had, Aspen bounded down the stairs of her apartment and across the bakery— the door banged loudly as she forced it open, drenched the very moment she stepped out into the rain again. Had he left? Was she too late— she spotted his figure far away, merely a distanced shadow and she was sure that if she blinked, she would lose him. Maybe this time for forever. “Silas Ciaran, get back here you absolute fool!” she yelled, the thunder and rain slowing down enough so her voice could be heard through the tumultuous storm. “Don’t think for one moment I will let you leave like this or I’m going to Avada Kedavra you without a care if I go to hell for it!”

@aspen. Both of them were high off of their own temper— the thick ual tension, anticipation, and their longing to have each other, inebriated them too. How dangerous it was for them to continue on the way they did. What good would come out of it if they did everything but speak the truth, say what they had long wanted to say to each other and instead, kept it all locked up inside the safety of their minds and hearts. Silas saw the look on her face, the titillating concern that suffused a handful of faces who'd been in Aspen's place before her there on their knees. But she'd been with him before; what surprised her? If only he could----.. his thoughts fuzzed over, tensed jaw relaxing as a heady exhale pressed from his lungs, the intimations of a groan resonating in the back of his throat. Just knowing that it was her doing that to him was enough to drive him mad, as if he weren't already. His free hand flattened itself against the surface in front of him, his curling grip and the pressure of his palm into the wall keeping his good judgment and his knees from buckling underneath him. But just for a moment.. he allowed the prurient sensations from her to take over, his lids falling heavy until they closed completely, hiding the copious rapture saturated in his gaze. Oh.. what he'd give to finally have her pretty lips and mouth wrapped around his , him, taking him in and showing him new, unexplored heights of fervid pleasure. He knew that together, they'd shake the world on its feet, drive her neighbors away from their passions--perhaps the whole population of Ireland--because. Because he loved her. Uncontrollably and irrevocably. And he would shoot down the heavens, bend the earth if she asked him to. He'd her everywhere, anywhere, in every position if that was what she wanted. But that wasn't what he came there to do. Her final utterance before she on his tip reminded him of that fact, and he pulled away from her intentions, almost regretfully, before moving his hand from her sable tresses to below her chin, fingers gingerly pressing into both sides of her cheeks to restrict her. "You misunderstood me, /baby/. I said I want to you, but I didn't say when. I came here because I want the best for you. I want you to stand up for yourself, and tell that motherer off whenever he dares to disrespect you. Maybe me wanting that for you and telling you this pisses you off, but you're so afraid that you've given up. You should always want that respect for yourself and your son. No one deserves to be treated the way he treats you. And I don't know if what I'm saying is getting through to you, but I know that ing you better than he does isn't going to help you." With that, he let go of her chin to adjust himself back into his jeans then turned to leave her once more.

@silas. nothing registered in aspen's brain, other than the fact she was absolutely and irrevocably overwhelmed with emotions ranging from sheer hatred to pure love for the man, including everything in between. not even the fact that she had just brought a total stranger into her home, not the fact that her entire soul screamed at her to stop everything right then and there even as her hands pried his from the confinement of his pants. she wanted him and aspen grew to take what she wanted. she gazed at the beast in her hands, lips parted and moist from the drop of precum that had leaked through the slit and briefly wondered if it was possible for someone to grow so much; he wouldn't fit and even if he did... her thighs pressed together at the thought, her core beginning to throb in anticipation. she chuckled at his words, lifting her eyes to look at his face and make a mental note of his expression as her tongue swiped out to kittenishly lave a strip from the base to the tip of his . "Can you? Take all of me, I mean," she asked, alternating her sentences between up and down his length so she could get it wet with her saliva. "Because last time I checked, your promises are often invalid. Can you me as good as he does, baby?" She dared to purr the last word, mouth finally opening to on the tip of his . What she said was a blatant lie; they both knew it but it wasn't exactly a secret that she loved riling him up.

@aspen. Silas hated it. He hated it with every burning fiber of his being how his rebellious heart still lurched out to her, making him doubt how in control he actually was of his own feelings. After quietly, regretfully mourning her. After spending long restless nights cursing her name, dreaming of her. After releasing his tight hold on her little by little, reluctantly letting her go in the little things they shared, during their lonely years apart, he thought that he'd finally moved on from her, even with occasional thoughts of her wellbeing. But on that very day he stepped into her bakery, once-thought dormant emotions came flooding back and all he wanted to do was reach for her, yearned to know her again, learn the ways in which she remained the same, the ways in which she had changed. But she refused him coldly, and he understood why. How could she forgive him for promising her infinite sunrises and then taking it away? How could she forgive him for showing up unexpectedly, uninvited and wanting back in, in her life when for all she knew, he could up and leave her instead this time around. She was safeguarding her heart, her love, her son. Their son. But god, was she stubborn. And he despised the way she spewed nothing but embittered defenses when all he truly and initially wanted was to help her see the gravity of her choices on both herself and Noah. His jaw clenched then relaxed, the nerves in his body running wild at the flow of her fingertips over his chest, abdomen, over his clothed , reaching inside. Everything she spoke of, all of her words registered as a murmur, a fevered blur. The second her lips met his , an empty hand dropped down to grab a fistful of her hair, forcing her to look up at him. "No. I don't want a piece of you, Aspen." He peered down at her, gaze dark with resentment for her smug nature. "I want to take you. Take /all/ of you. I'll you hard until you can't breathe or think straight. I want to hear you scream my name so loud it rattles the windows. I want to be so deep inside of you that someday later when you're laying beside that of a boyfriend of yours after you've ed, all you can think about is me."

@silas. in a way it was ironically amusing how they were still the same old them— they reacted to each other in the most fiery ways even if at that very moment, all they had for each other was sweet venom. Aspen wasn’t the compliant little girl from then, the effect of years and turmoil on her soul but she knew that for him, she was an open book. She’d always been so and he knew that too. That still didn’t stop her from attempting to hurt her how she knew best. “Why? You don’t like me kissing you back? Or readily have my legs open for you to do as you ing want?” She gruffed lowly as she was pushed against the wall, her hands beginning to reach for him. Her eyes locked into his, a salacious grin placed on her lips as she dared let her palms roam his torso, feeling every carved inch of his well defined chest and abs and further down until they rested on the tent in his pants. The years had done him major good. “So you’re telling me you’d let other men have me? Even a jerk like Calum? You don’t want a piece of me again, Silas?” she hummed in a singsong tone, fingers fiddling with the buckle of his belt and zipper and once she had enough space, she slid her hand in to massage his through the fabric of his boxers. “I know you can’t resist me. You’ve never been able to and it shows.” Flashing him a grin, she sank down to her knees just as she pulled down his pants, fingers immediately wrapping around his girthy length and dared to place an open mouthed kiss on the tip. “And it’s really not a big deal. Consider it more of an ego boost that I still am on your mind when you claim to not want anything to do with me anymore.”

@aspen. /"It's not because of you."/ Who was she trying to fool? Silas was not the same insecure, inexperienced young man she once knew him as. Five years was an ant hill when it came to a person's developing persona, but he'd played a dangerous game with death, experienced more losses than one should in a lifetime within those few short cursed years. The Auror had been through hell and back, and through that he became more himself. More assured, more in-tune with his emotions and others— usually, when he was completely sober. Aspen was easy to read, especially with her emotions brimming, overflowing although she tried to disguise them with displeasure. He knew it was because of him. "Then why'd you kiss me back? Why are you clinging to me? And why aren't you telling me to stop?" Silas groaned into her ear while she busied herself with kissing, biting, bruising his dewed skin. If she dared to go any lower.. he wouldn't be able to comprehend. "If you need someone to satisfy you just for the night, there's plenty of others I can call for you. Should I tell Calum to come back?" He could feel her slick with need, the length of his fingers drenched with her silkened essence. Oh how he longed to taste her on his tongue again, to have her hips buckle forth into his mouth and bathe in the cries of her pleasure, whether----the thought fled from him at her question, her audacity stunning him and before he knew it, they'd made it up the staircase, entering the small space Aspen and their son settled in and called home. Was she jealous? Did she hate the idea of him touching, of others touching him. But more so.. did Silas even think of her while he ing these nightly escapes? The simple answer was no. But at abrupt moments, from time to time, he wished that it was Aspen he was buried deep inside of, losing himself in. In one hard jerk, he yanked her back to him and forced her up against the nearest wall, his voice resounding between them in wicked shades. "Why does it matter to you if I thought of you while ing other women? What was I supposed to do when you're written so deep into me? Your sweet voice haunts me when others moan my name, and it's become so unbearable to know that no matter how much I wish it was, it's never you."

@silas. how did he feel like this, so decadent and so surreal on her tongue and body despite so many years? sure, she was technically a taken woman but how deep down, she had always known her body, as her heart, belonged to this man- this beautiful yet horrible wreck of a man. "No, I'm not admitting anything," she scoffed, her fingers tightening enough in his hair to cause him pain but not enough to be unbearable. parted in a silent moan, brows knitting together in a scowl even if her body reacted differently- her eyes glazed over slightly, breath coming out in a shaky breath and her legs parting more for him. at the back of her mind, she knew it was wrong, to be with a man who wasn't supposed to mean anything to her at that very moment but Aspen had long learned one thing: the heart wants what it wants. She knew what he would find the moment his fingers slid between her legs to touch her where she needed it the most, her folds dripping not only from the downpour but from a carnal want. "Get off your high horse, it's not because of you," she murmured, her head tilting down to begin pressing kisses which quickly turned into nibbles and bites along his neck and collarbone. "Tsk, just like how you couldn't stop thinking about me even when you were ing other women, Silas? Shame I could never get out of your head." She chuckled darkly, taking a pause from the abuse she was causing on his skin to glare at him. She hated the fact that there were infinite chances of him being with other women, sharing moments of intimacy with them and possibly him even giving them his heart. And the more she thought about it, the more fuel it added to the burning rage and fired desire inside of her. Aspen let go of his hair and pulled away enough so that his touch was off her yet still close so she could grab his hand, beginning to tug him towards the stairs that led up to her little apartment. Unfinished business had to be done privately after all.

@aspen. Hearing her moans and having her this close up against him where he could feel the change of her curves fit into his made him realize that there was no one else in the world who could make him feel the way she did. He felt regrettably greedy, weak—yet finally fulfilled. It slowly slipped from his mind, with every encounter he had with others, that he'd sworn his body and soul to Aspen and only Aspen. Nothing could stir up the insatiable in him like her lust. But maybe it all led up to this moment. This moment where they had each other and anything, anyone else would fail in comparison. "Are you finally admitting that you don't want me to leave?" Silas released her lip from his bite, his forehead coming to rest heavily on hers as he smoothed his right hand over between them and palmed her through the thin fabric of her , calloused fingertips sneaking underneath to at her honeyed folds. "Your seems happy to see me though, and I've barely touched you." He couldn't help but the smile, knowing that it would piss her off more, knowing that she wanted him just as much as he wanted her despite her reluctance to admit it out loud. Not that she need to for him to already know. He'd always loved pushing all of her buttons, especially the ones between her legs. "Is that what you say to Calum? Hm? To get it over with because he doesn't your the way I used to you?" his words came out through gritted teeth, skilled, lubricated fingers finally soothing up to caress her with agonizingly slow, short circles. "If you want my , you're gonna need to beg for it, chérie."

@silas. she missed this, she missed touching him, she missed such passion and fire. but most importantly, Aspen Beaumont missed the love of her life. She gave in to carnal lust and in the back of her mind, she reassured herself that she was just starved of touch and such desire especially with her relationship. She didn’t need Silas all that much— who was she lying to? parted, allowing him to abuse her lips as he pleased and a dulcet moan resonated again at the feeling of his touch on her skin. Over the years, she had changed, body curved like that of a woman and she had found she had grown more sensitive to touch— or maybe it was just him? “I never told you to leave,” she snarled, a free hand reaching up to lace through his damp hair in a tight grip while the other one rested heavily on his carved abdomen. “Just that I despise how you want to be here when you havent been for six ing years.” The last few words came out in a moan, her pelvis rubbing against his and with her thighs parted enough, she could feel the massive tent that grew in his pants hit her right where she needed it the most. “Just get it over with, Silas.”

@aspen. All that the kiss was supposed to do was to stop her. To shut her up momentarily. Because he knew if he'd let her continue, it would end with him leaving--whether it was Aspen forcing him out the door or Silas voluntarily walking out only to come back and try again another day. He couldn't quite put a pin on it, but he felt like this time he was meant to stay, that he needed to stay. Maybe it was in how she returned his kiss without an ounce of hesitation or maybe. Maybe it was the soothing warmth of her palms against his touch-starved skin that felt oh-so-right. As though all he needed was for her to reach out to him, to pull him close and to want him there with her all along. He could hardly think, hardly breathe as she drank him in with her hands, her lips. The satisfied groan that vibrated from his vocal chords was drowned out by the rolling thunder, the violent rain pouring down crueler than before as the winds picked up. If he couldn't get his frustration through to her with his words, perhaps he could it into her and show her instead, just how much she meant to him even after all these years. With gentle fingers.. slow hands reaching underneath her dress, slipping against her wettish skin, he bit her upper lip, languorously taking the plushness between his teeth. A rapacious growl rolled from within his chest as he watched her under a dark, hooded gaze, breaths heavied from arousal. "You're telling me to leave but still want to me?" he questioned in a devilish whisper. His rough hands found her hips, fingers gripping tightly at the malleable flesh to pull her in, her pelvis against his so she could feel just what her hands were searching for. "Who's the selfish one now?"

@silas. “And you dare say that to me? YOU ASKED ME TO STAY FOR WHAT? TO HAVE ME STAY AROUND YOU WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO DO NOTHING WITH ME? THE WEEK THAT HAPPENED WAS HELL, FAR BEYOND YOU AND ALL YOU CARE ABOUT WAS ME STAYING WITH YOU?” she yelled back, rage surging through her petite frame. Aspen was usually a good natured woman, had always been so— but she had grown tired of people telling her what to want and more, especially from men who seemed to disregard what she personally wished and had goals for. This Aspen looked the same as she did five years ago albeit with the becoming of a lady but she was different; it showed in the way she would never back down from anything. Not even Silas. “You are so ing self—” her words died on her tongue, cut off when his mouth descended on hers in a wild want of lips. In all of their rage, they were still fire and fire, surged by bold wantonness and shrewd desire. She met his lips fervently, a low moan in as her hands reached for him, fingers finding the buttons of his still damp shirt, tugging and pulling on them with enough force that they broke off, leaving the wet material to expose well defined muscle under. And she touched him then, able to feel his skin on hers and for once, he was just like he remembered but better, as she kissed him back, fingers freely roaming the span from his chest and further below to ghost over the hem of his pants.

@aspen. How odd it was that even now, with it being five years later, they were the same albeit different, more grown. They still fought fiercely, taking hits at each other where they knew it would incite the other—still veiling the true meaning behind their verbal punches. They were still as foolish as fools. Silas shouted over her in disbelief, the joining of their voices together ricocheting off the walls that surrounded them. "Really? You're going to ing THROW THAT IN MY FACE AFTER I BEGGED YOU TO STAY? YOU STILL CHOSE TO LEAVE, ASPEN. I'VE ALWAYS CARED WHETHER YOU CARED TO THINK OF THAT OR NOT." Her hit against his chest riled him up, made him step close, closer until he could feel her breath against his own. What did he still mean to her? He searched her eyes, those warm brown pools that he'd lost himself in when she used to look at him like he was her world. Like anything was possible as long as they had each other. There, he saw passion.. rage---fear. And he felt the same. He hated that he was jealous. That he was mad. Furious. Everything above in the name of hell. But he hated so much more that she was trying to push him away again like the last time. He was not going to lose her again. Not this time around. He descended upon her mid-question, rudely cutting her off and crushing her lips with his before she could utter another word.

@silas. Of course she knew he cared; it showed in the way he had always been there ever since they had fatefully met again. But the stars be screwed, they had so much to say to each other yet at the same time, neither of them knew how to search for the words for what needed to be said. The accusatory tone he used on her caused her to scoff, jaw clenching and unclenching before she spoke, almost spitting her words as she closed in on him in turn. “Why? Why now? You didn’t care for 5 ing years and all of a sudden you think you can?!” she berated, her fist reaching up to hit him on the chest. “Why can’t I be with him, Silas? Because even if he doesn’t appreciate me, at least Noah would have a father. Even if in name only. So what is it to you, hmm? Are you jealous? Mad, that you can’t be there for him? For me? Too late, don’t you think?”

@aspen. Before he could place his foot upon the third step, her words reeled him back to that place he was before she ushered them home. Silas stumbled back to the ground floor, back to Aspen with his dark facial features twisted from the anger and confusion set inside of him. God. When he was told that he didn't need to care. He spent so much of his youth pretending and convincing others that he didn't care, so much that it ruined him in every way possible. He was done acting like he had nothing to live for. Slow, heavy footsteps made their way across the room as he closed the distance between them, obsidian gaze staring deep into hers. "You're telling /me/ that /I/ don't need to care?" Silas scoffed, tone laced with bitter accusation. "You're tell me that I——I know I don't need to care, Aspen, but I do. I care a lot. I care a WHOLE TON more than I want to, and I can't help it, so what are you going to do about it? Huh? Tell me to off? So you can go back to dating that--that man who doesn't even appreciate you? Who doesn't even love your son as much as you do?" Each question posed came out louder than the last. Now he was only a few feet away from her. The closer he got, the more he wished that he was the one beside her. The one that kept her safe, that kept their son safe and loved. If only she would let him in.

@silas. The trip home was short but the bakery was cold, the lights gone out due to the storm outside and the candles unlit. Aspen was shivering as she grabbed fistful of her skirt to squeeze out the water, not caring too much that the floor would be a puddle of water. She took a glance at the staircase in the corner, the one that led to her home and briefly wondered heading there but it would be an escape. When he spoke, she turned to face him again, eyes set with conviction; he spoke the truth and she knew it. Calum did not like Noah and not even her past her appearance and none of them cared; he was her safety and she was his trophy. And to explain that to a man like Silas would only bring more heartache. “You don’t need to know a lot of things, Silas. Why I’m with him, why he is like this, if he hates Noah or not… you don’t need to care!”

@aspen. Several reasons bubbled up in him but they eluded from his train of thought after another window of light alit the dark neighborhood. "Fine." He muttered under his breath, averting his gaze away from Aspen before moving to take shelter inside the bakery. Truth be told, neither Aspen nor anybody else had given him the exact location of where she and their son lived. It happened unconsciously one day while he was paying his regular visit, and their eyes locked for a mere three seconds, long enough for him to see what she was thinking of. Something about a broken appliance or a leaky faucet. He usually made an effort to make sure she didn't know that he knew, but his inhibitions were lowered. His feet carried him towards the back of the bakery to the flight of stairs. "I don't know why you're still with him. He hates Noah."

@silas. Thunder rolled in, shaking the entire world. Despite the rain on her skin, making her clothes stick to her skin, goosebumps lined down her arms and spine, causing her to wrap her arms around herself. His words echoed in her ears, booming the world awake had it not been muffled by thunder roars but Aspen still heard him. She hated everything about that very moment, the way he began telling her how he hated the choices she made, the way he was a haggard mess— she took a deep breath, standing face to face with him. “WHY SHOULD I EXPLAIN THAT TO YOU?” But when her yell and voice got louder and she saw a light from a house flicker in the distance from her peripheral vision, she sighed, simmering down into a cold tone. “Let’s not make a scene here. Let’s go home.”

@aspen. Give it to the Gods to paint the scene theatrical with the unrelenting downpour. Silas loved the rain, the hell it raised, and the herbaceous smell of the earth after—but he hated the way his clothes clung to his skin when he was drenched from head to toe with dingy precipitation. The repulsive feeling nagged at him as he tried to make out Aspen's face with the help of a dimly-lit street lamp. Though it was dark, he could see it as clear as day, she was still the heavenized beauty she was. Even as she questioned him back. "Because I HATE it. I hate the way he talks to you as if you're worth less than a sickle. He's a ING INCONSIDERATE . Why are you TAKING THIS LIKE IT'S NOTHING?" His words echoed down the street alleyways; some dogs bit back. Surely, any one of the neighbors will have had enough and call the police to make a noise complaint. But Silas didn't care. He was fed up, furious, tired for Aspen and the way Calum treated her. "How can you still choose him when he clearly doesn't respect you?"

@silas. How it escalated into this very moment, Aspen didn’t know; one moment she had been in the bakery, serving the last of her pies and one moment she was outside, watching two grown men duel in the pouring rain over god only knew what. She had long gotten used to Calum and his crassness or maybe, she had put up enough with it that she’d grown accustomed to his misogynistic and awful ways she didn’t feel bad at all now but seeing Silas defend her… there it was again, the treacherous skips of her heart. Aspen’s brows raised when her once-lover marched towards her, fury etched on his handsome visage and eyes so dark they stared right into her soul. He was beautiful, like an avenging God. Still, her own face and tongue spoke otherwise. “And why are YOU speaking to me like this, Silas?” She asked, hand lifting to brush a wet strand of hair out of her face.

@aspen. he didn't feel the pain in his hand after serving the first punch. or the second. but taking the hit from calum left the right side of his face throbbing. yet even that only felt like a single bee sting with the amount of alcohol running in his bloodstream. the two men resorted to a duel--however, that too, ended shortly after silas disarmed the wizengamot and jinxed him for good measure. their bout was anything but for fun and games. this, enough, was clear when he marched over to aspen, deep with concern but voice coming out louder, sharper than was allowed for the time of night. "WHY DID YOU JUST STAND THERE AND LET HIM TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT? how long are you going to let yourself be ED OVER BY THAT ?"