ᶜᵃˢᵗˡᵉ ᵍʳᵒᵘⁿᵈˢ

@k. minji /remembering the date to be a month later than valentines, having received some boxes of chocolates but rejected them as kindly as i could
/fretting over if i should do anything at all for you, if its even professional, i end up making two, three different types of chocolates
/waiting for you where i know you'll come out from hagrid's hut and head back in for the evening meal with him, i let people pass by me and mostly keep to myself where i can
/spotting you coming out with the giant of a man i lean away from the wall i was propped against, looking at you both and seeing you're smiling
good evening
/speaks up quietly before i clear my throat and nod to hagrid, looking back to you afterwards as its clear you're who i came for
hey... can i have a moment? please?
/asks quietly as i look at you, hagrid looking between us both before he heads off and leaves the both of us to ourselves for now
i don't mean to keep you
its just i wanted to give you this. you know... to uh, remind you of... home?
/since its white day for korea and i know we're not there i figure i'd do something, hoping my face conveys such a thing as i hold out a wrapped, small box, clearly handmade
just make sure not to eat them before dinner. you'll ruin your appetite
/nods again before i slide my hands into my pockets, brushing it off as nothing to be making a big deal about, broad shoulders shrugging before i nod towards the castle entrance
shall we?

@l. soohyuk I think it's natural for most teenagers to have dreams about spending time with their crush.
/murmuring quietly, I bow my head a little, cheeks still flushed while I sip slowly on the tea you've made, only too glad you haven't made a big deal about what I've said/
I don't know, you were good looking then.
/there's a hint of teasing to my tone, my expression brighter than the moment might allow for, and as I drink the first half of my tea and watch you finish your own so quickly, I find myself nodding in agreement at the suggestion that we just sit in silence/
If that's what you would like.
/for a while, I'm content to fall silent, sitting alongside you on the couch and listening to the soft crackling of the fire in the hearth; taking another sip of the tea, I set the cup aside, only a little of the contents left as I glance to you, your eyes closed; for a moment I consider speaking out, suggesting that perhaps you should lie in bed, but rather than say anything, I scoot a little closer, bringing my shoulder beneath your head as it lists to one side, and I look over your features left a little softer by drowsiness/
You're wrong though...
/whispering softly, my voice so quiet it might not be any louder than your own slow, rhythmic breathing while we sit in the quiet of your quarters together on the same couch; there's a ghost of the past in your features, something I remember seeing as a starry eyed girl once upon a time, and I let my own eyes fall shut as I tilt my head back against the sofa's back/
Those were the best dreams I could have had.

@k. minji a dream? this? ... i'm sorry for saying but you definitely need better dreams than that
/seeing myself as broken, broken beyond repair, i don't understand how this moment could be anything anyone would ever wish for considering the circumstances as well
especially if you were younger when having these wishes. though i highly doubt anyone else was wishing for the same thing
/shakes my head a little bit to myself, sipping at my cup of tea before i set it back down in my lap, resting it against my knee and refusing to meet my reflection once more
/making no big deal of the shared little revelation on your part, i give you a small smile instead as a kind of thanks when yo tell me its not so silly for me to avoid using a diary
actually...
/trailing off, i don't mind burning my mouth a little as i finish my tea, setting the cup down before i sink against the couch a bit more, my head tilting to lean against the back of it
if you don't mind. just sitting in silence with you would be fine...
/closing my eyelids, lips parting as i begin to fall asleep thanks to the help of the tea, your company and the warmth of the fire still crackling, i let my head begin to tilt to one side
/having it loll towards one of your shoulders, it seems i'm just about completely gone and asleep, my hair falling over my eyelids just a bit and making me, once more, look a lot like the young man you used to know before life backhanded him time and time again

@l. soohyuk Because it was a dream of mine, once.
/seated on the couch, my body turned toward the back cushions as I peer toward the kitchenette, watching you while one of my hands rises toward my cheek, fingers curled into my palm and my cheek resting against my knuckles; watching you, I suppose this small admission now couldn't hurt our friendship considering the secret you've already trusted me with makes said relationship a little stronger/
I wasn't any different than other girls my age.
This is kind of like... wish fulfillment.
/while you speak of having thought of keeping a diary, I suppose that there is likely too much power in the written word for someone who has been through what you have, and who has seen what you have; when you return to the couch and hand me the cup, though I glance at you, watching the way you look at your own reflection/
I don't think it sounds silly at all, Soohyuk.
/bringing the cup toward my lips, I blow gently on the surface of the liquid and then take a small sip, my eyes coming to fall shut and my cheeks slightly flushed with delayed embarrassment over that revelation/
It's our own inner thoughts, and putting them on paper...
Who knows who might red them and use it as leverage? A weapon?
/my eyes open once more and I glance to you, a faint smile on my lips as I think to changing the subject/
But we should think of happier things, things that might make it a little easier to be able to get some rest.

@k. minji /nods once then twice when you agree to wanting tea, slowly turning towards the little kitchenette i'm lucky enough to have down here for myself
/returning only to collect the mugs once the kettle is boiling, i glance over my shoulder at you as you speak of diaries and keeping a physical copy of these events
a diary?
/though i can't agree to ever keep one myself, especially when i can't trust books and pages in a world of magic we know and love, it becomes hazardous in my field of work, i can understand slightly why you might wish to
why this moment in particular?
/muses as i finish making the tea, the spoons stirring on their own before tapping off the excess liquid and floating on off happily to the sink by themselves where they lay to rest
i can't say i haven't thought about keeping a diary myself
though i've always backed out of it. something about writing one's thoughts and feelings into existence rather than keeping them inside, hidden and relatively safe...
/taking a seat beside you after i hand over your tea, i frown before i look at my reflection in the liquid, tilting my head at what i find before i slowly look away and over to you
i suppose i find it daunting
though a grown man frightened of some words sounds silly now i'm saying it aloud

@l. soohyuk It's my pleasure.
/smiling a little more warmly, if not particularly brightly in spite of those colors of my eyes which eventually fade into something bluish gray, something similar to the color of an overcast sky, I only return that little squeeze and move back toward the sofa at your suggestion/
Maybe pleasure isn't the right word, all things considered...
/my hands leave yours, albeit reluctantly, and I lift one hand toward my face, the side of my thumb pressing against my lips while I turn from you, head down slightly, steps a little less precise when I return to the couch than when I had left it/
Tea?
/turning my head, I look to you again, a smile on my lips which manages to curve my eyes into crescents before I move to take a seat on the sofa cushion I had left just a moment before, my hands resting at either side of myself/
How could I turn it down, in that case?
Please, Soohyuk, I would love some more tea.
/the change to the lighting is a welcome one, though I find myself looking at you beneath the warmer, golden lighting, my eyes taking in just how much more handsome your sharp features seem to be, the echoes of the teenager I knew before there in your features still, though it speaks of vulnerability that perhaps you would prefer not to have/
You know...
/speaking softly, I bow my head, hand coming to self-consciously tuck back a lock of hair while I try to find some way to change the subject from the more somber into something of a distraction that I think we both need/
If I were a teenager again, and the circumstances were different leading up to it, I think this is exactly the kind of moment I would have started keeping a diary for.

@k. minji /as you come closer so suddenly my shoulder closest to you raises a little as if in defense, frowning before i'm settled as i realise you're not the monsters i hunt for a living trying to hurt me
/your hands, small and petite, warmer than my own too are a comfort as they hold onto mine, the shaking not entirely stopping but slowing down at least a little bit for a moment or two
/turning to face you some more i gaze at your features longingly, unsure of what exactly i'm aching for myself but knowing i ache for it all the same
i'd... i'd appreciate that, minji
/about to turn my hands over to hold your own back properly, i stop when i hear that gasp from you and wonder for a moment if you lost yourself and didn't realise what you were doing
i...
/gives you a small smile this time, especially as i notice your eyes are familiar and i still wonder why they look so much so
...thank you
/its the best i can manage as i give you another smile, my fingers squeezing your hands before i nod for us to move back to the sofa, locking the door for now
/trying to make it a little more comfortable for you too, i pull my wand from my pocket and have the lights change from their shade of green to a warm golden you might prefer, lighting up the place comfortably so you don't think about being underground
should i make you some more tea?
it'll give me something to focus on

@l. soohyuk /when you seem to insist on walking me back to my quarters, I watch you rise from the sofa so slowly, as if hesitant to do so, though as I rise after you, standing beside the sofa, my eyes follow after you before I finally take steps to follow you; the way that you turn to me has me pausing, watching the way you keep your face down/
I'm sure whatever it is, it isn't laughable.
/taking in the sight of your profile, your words catch me off guard in that moment and I step closer to you, nearly within arms reach before I catch sight of your hands shaking at your sides; when you do look at me, likely little more than your periphery on me, I shake my head emphatically, short hair whipping left and right as I take two lunging steps closer and my hands come to catch yours, gently squeezing them, trying to still the trembling in your fingers/
Let me stay tonight, Soohyuk. I don't want to be alone as much as you don't want to be alone.
/it's true that I don't wish to be alone with my thoughts in this moment, and yet as I hold your hands in mine, there's a part missing to that explanation; as I tip my head up, a faint smile on my lips as I see that reminder of the past in your features, I brush my thumb along the heels of your hands, small fingers and hands trying to prove some comfort/
We can sit, and have tea, and talk...
/my voice trails off as I look at you, but slowly I glance down to our hands, only just realizing on a very conscious level that I'm holding yours, and a little gasp of surprise leaves my lips; a sheepish laugh leaves me when I look back up at you, eyes round and bright, the color consciously scintillating between gem rich colors in a rainbow meant solely for you in this moment/
Or anything else.
Whatever might be pleasant, Soohyuk.

@k. minji maybe... though i don't think i have it inside my own heart to ever forgive what my father has done or the man himself
/when you double check if i'm sure i'd rather not be with someone given the events of the night, i find myself pausing at all an odd thing to experience given my history of relying on others
/leaving the question unanswered for the moment, i look from my hands back to you as you agree to keep my secret just that - a secret
/bows my head gently to you in thanks, slow and not overly deep in case of being too formal, leaning back afterwards as i'm still contemplating what i want
i think sleep might evade me tonight of all nights, but thank you, minji
i should probably take you back to your own quarters, yes
/telling myself this is what i should be doing and not something i necessarily need in the given moment, making my rise from the sofa all the more groggy and slow, hesitant
/glancing over to you as i see you follow me in your own time, i pause when my hand is on the door handle, my other hand coming to rest on the cool wood before i slowly let go and half turn toward you but keep my fave hidden
... its probably laughable because i'm a fully grown man but-
/turning my head a little more i make my side profile visible to you, my eyes downcast on the floor as i'm hesitant to look even an inch higher than that
i don't want to be alone...
/hands shaking at my sides, i wonder what makes me open when it comes to you, those walls i have built up coming crumbling down in moments like these where i don't have it in me to hide from you
but you don't have to stay. i'll still walk you to your quarters
/finally looking at you its only from the corner of my eye, looking a lot like the young man you used to have a crush on in his last few years here, vulnerable and scared, cautious of the inevitable losses to come

@l. soohyuk /to see you shake your head the way you do, unaware of what lies in the gaze you soon turn away from me, my hand remains resting where it is on your arm long after politeness demands for that little touch, and likely a little after it allows for it as well/
A closed heart is a difficult obstacle, but it's not an impossible one.
Even though what we find might be things we don't wish to know.
/unaware that you're speaking of anyone other than your parents, it doesn't occur to me that those words might be directed to yourself while I sit beside you; my thankfulness for your presence in this moment overrides any discomfort I might feel at being in the dungeons still, to the point that it hadn't really crossed my mind until you mention the hour/
Are you sure you wouldn't prefer some company, Soohyuk?
/it seems the kind of thing one would say when they would prefer to be alone, and much as I might wish to stay, to remind myself that in spite of, or perhaps because of those trials I saw of your past, you remain alive and well, I'm left to contemplate just how much good my company might actually do for you; releasing your arm I wrap both hands about the mug once again and stare into its contents for a moment before bringing it toward my lips and taking a small sip, willing myself to finish the contents in hopes that it might do something to soothe the flutters in my chest and stomach; it doesn't occur to me as I look to you once more that those peculiar flutters have little to do with what I've witnessed tonight, but rather they're the offspring of a peculiar decade/
You're right that you needn't ask. Your secret is safe with me.
/tipping my head up, I free one of my hands from the mug to tuck back a lock of silvery hair with the tips of my fingers while I hold up a hand, as if to prove that my oath is good; but in time the moment seems to pass and I'm left taking another sip from my mug and relinquishing it back to the surface of the low table before us/
Perhaps you should get some rest tonight, Soohyuk, if you can manage it.
I suppose I should be getting back to my own quarters now.

@k. minji its alright, really. you don't need to pity me or even feel sorry for me, minji. what happened... happened and there's no point in lamenting over the things we can't change, is there?
/clearly i've been a person to prefer moving onward rather than allowing myself to wallow in the present, or even mourn for the matter, resulting in the hatred and lingering darkness that festers inside of a once strong and proud heart
you're only human. you wanted to know what happened as i imagined anyone would
even the great headmaster himself couldn't quench his curiosity quite so easily. he too wished to know what happened
so now... only you and he knows. besides the ministry workers there on that night of course
/lifting my gaze i give you a fleeting smile, one that barely lasts a second before i have it drop, shaking my head forlornly as you so kindly ask if there's anything you could do
/as you touch my arm i close my eyelids and tilt my head towards the gesture for a moment before i turn my gaze away, not wanting you to see the vengeance i have in those dark irises
perhaps...
but not everyone can know each other's truest hearts
not when they're so closed off
/speaking of myself, you might mistake me speaking about my parents instead, especially my father and the things he has done, how my mother couldn't realise what he was going to do
its late, minji and you've had quite the suddenly trying evening, my fault though. after your tea, i can you back to your chambers if you wish
i know you're not as partial to the dungeons as i find myself
/another brief smile appears to tug at the corner of my mouth, lopsided and not matching the fatigue so clearly drawn out in my tired eyes
one thing. i'm sure i needn't even ask it but... would you mind keeping this a secret?
i'm not in the business of asking that from people usually but on this occasion, i'm sure you could understand

@l. soohyuk /as you begin to explain what had happened I sit quietly beside you, waiting patiently on your explanation even as I regret having made you offer such a thing in the first place, and it's perhaps that reason that I do not drink from my tea while you speak, and my hand remains resting on your forearm, fingers giving the slightest of squeeze on occasion/
I'm so sorry.
/speaking that apology once more only as the gentle sigh leaves your lips, I bow my head when you continue, hair falling out of place, even a lock I had bothered to tuck back at one point or another now falling into my face; when I tip my head up once more to look at you, the feeling of guilt comes over me in waves, and a small realization needles at me, realizing slowly that the moment at which I had pulled myself back from your memory was not nearly the end of that night for you/
Soohyuk...
/setting my own tea cup aside, I can't reason with what possesses me then to turn to face you, drawing the blanket toward the end of my arm as I cautiously tuck it around you, sharing that comfort your had given me with you while my arm lingers about your shoulders to the best of my ability in a half hug, my other hand leaving your forearm to rest against your bicep as I lean into your side/
I... I shouldn't have asked, and I won't ask anymore.
But I appreciate you telling me...
/those words hardly begin to explain how I feel in that moment, your explanation doing much less to put me at ease so much as giving me a reason to want to provide you with some comfort, some companionship, some link to a present that isn't what you've been through/
I-is there anything I can... ?
/a shuddering sigh rises up in me and then leaves my lips before I shake my head, casting the thought aside while my fingers brush along your bicep in some small attempt at comfort when there's nothing else I can think to do in this moment/
You're right. It's not really possible to get away from the past...
Our pasts make us who we are, for better or worse.
But not everything about the past is bad.

@k. minji /your question leads to so many more i know you'll have no matter the answer i give you, knowing that the only way for you to understand what you saw is for me to have to explain and relive it twice in one night
to put it painfully simply - yes
/glances down at your hand on my arm before i slowly look back up at you, frowning as i look into your eyes and remember those years, those horrible last couple of years where i was barely out of being a teenager and having to deal with such things, even with the help of dumbledore it never really changed much
my father is a death eater. one of the cruelest, most evil men to have ever walked this earth and a devoted follower of the dark lord himself
i knew- i knew he would try something when i was away from home. i felt it coming in the nights that led up to it, forced to leave because i had to attend hogwarts much to my mother's wishes. i only realised now, too late, that she insisted on it to save me
/pausing, i set my cup down on the table and shakily run my hand down my face again, covering my mouth before i let my fingers slide over my neck and stay there, feeling the pulse and reminding me i'm alive
my sister was not yet the age of arrival for hogwarts so she was home... with mother
i tried to tell the others, dumbledore listened but he seemed to agree with keeping me safe and seeing what else he could do instead for my family
i knew something terrible had happened, felt it coming all at once and i rushed there as quickly as i could, breaking school rules but even that didn't save them. my father was given orders by his master to cut all ties with those considered family. and... he did
he used the curse on my mother and sister, but by the time i arrived they- they weren't with us any more
/referring to their current state, unable to help themselves and just... left to exist, its not a life for myself and i hate thinking about it at all, making me sigh gently as i continue
the ministry was so shocked they didn't want anyone to know. sent my mother and sister to azkaban as if they were the criminals. they tried sending my father too but he'd gone already
/though the man is currently in azkaban i leave it at that for now, and how he is there by my own doing though i wish he were six feet under instead, likewise i omit the truth of how before my father fled the scene that night, managed to use the curse on me too, not something i wish to admit to but it seems clearer the more i speak
my sister and mother... they're still there. its why i moved to america after finishing hogwarts. i couldn't- i... i had to leave. i had to believe there was a better system elsewhere... but it seems our past always catches up too
doesn't it?

@l. soohyuk You don't need to say anymore.
/even as I say that, I know that there are more things I'm curious of in having seen that, but my morbid curiosity sits just in waiting at the back of my mind while I see that little twitch of your lips that so briefly shapes your features/
You don't have to entertain me, not over something like that, I just...
/when you do reach for the cup of tea I pause, peering into the contents of my own for a moment, uncertain if I'll be able to leave you tonight only knowing half of what I've seen, only enough to better inform gossip and hearsay and things I otherwise tried to ignore when I was younger and those events I saw tonight were fresh and not well known to those who opened their mouths about it/
Was that... was that because of the cruciatus curse?
/my brows are furrowed and it's clear that even having been in the midst of your memory I can barely understand anything of it save for abject horror at your having come just moments too late to rescue your mother and sister/
I...
/even as my mouth opens that single word is all that leaves my lips and I find myself holding the tea cup in one hand in order to reach over, my hand resting against your forearm as if that might prove some small comfort when I already wish to take back that one question rather than receive an answer to it as I can't begin to imagine how that must have felt to you/

@k. minji i don't suppose you did mean to. i wouldn't think of you as such a person to be invasive like that, minji
/murmurs in reassurance, knowing even if you had intended on peering into a private past that you'd have well learned your lesson by now not to with the things you have seen
/staring blankly at nothing in particular when you speak, i almost miss what you say entirely, realising you're commenting on how i look at the moment though
i think i made it more out of habit than a genuine wish to drink it if i'm being honest
/lifting one of my hands i run it down the front of my face, then back up where i push the strands away from my forehead and eyes
i'll be alright. there's just a reason i keep it in the pensieve
/smiles a little at you though its more like a twitch of my lips, unenthusiastic and very short to say the least, dropping almost immediately
despite seeing something like that, i'm sure you're full of questions concerning me for the moment
/broaches the topic where i'm sure you feel as if you might have no right to venture any further, though i know how maddening only a half truth, a half story can be
feel free to ask them. now would probably be the one time i'm willing to talk about it without much more duress
so... if you need to ask me anything, do so now please
/reaches for the cup of tea finally, picking it up and steadying it in my hands before i take a sip, lowering the object to my lap as well

@l. soohyuk But Soohyuk...
/my voice is lost somewhere in my rejection, the mention of not dwelling on the past only leaving me boggled when I think to you and what you've been through; when you tug on my arm, I move off the edge of the desk, prepared to follow you even if you would have told me not to rather than essentially commanding me to follow you; staying quiet as we walk down the halls, not wishing to wake the paintings, and even when we enter the dungeons there's a part of me that doesn't want to open my mouth until we're well and truly alone/
I didn't mean to.
/my reply is quiet as I sit upon the sofa in your lodgings, my hands folded in my lap as I keep my head slightly bowed, lifting a hand only to grasp at the edge of the blanket you put at my shoulder before both wind up wrapped around a cup of tea rather than sitting on my thighs and doing nothing other than worrying against one another/
Don't worry about me.
/after a small sip of the warm tea, I feel a little less shaken by what I had seen, that revelation still at the back of my mind; looking to you with widened eyes, I take in the sight of your face, and so much of me aches to reach out, to wrap my arms around you instead, but there's a part of me that worries over how you'll react/
You should drink your tea. You... you don't look well either.
/brushing my thumb over the rim of the cup in my hands, I find myself taking in the angles of your face, concerned by how pale you seem even in the slightly warmer lamplight that fills your lodgings/

@k. minji /nods a little when you repeat my name, as if to confirm it is actually me here and not the younger me you had to see go through so much
/as you reach your hands out i almost flinch away, letting you hold my face though and i meet your gaze, looking as sad as if it might have been your own past you just dipped into
/only just beginning to lean into the touch i find you pulling back, looking down at you once more as i continue to hold the wand up and light up the room though its cold and far from warm
you don't have to imagine how it felt
its not good to dwell on the past, minji
/squeezes my hand at your elbow gently, knowing you're still shaken and needing a change of environment would probably help your mood
/turning to the pensieve i wave my wand, the item disappearing and leaving the tendrils of silver behind, something like a whisper too before there's just... nothing
come
/speaking to you i gently tug on your arm, leading you away from the empty, unused room towards the door, dimming my light and keeping it low as to not disturb the paintings
/only when we're in my lodgings do i let you go, a warmer glow appearing when i turn on the lamps, though it does nothing for the eerie glow coming through one of the windows showing the bottom of the great lake
/turning back to you i set you down on the sofa, figuring when you get past the pain and shock you'll naturally have some questions, thinking tea will be the best assistant for that
/sitting beside you a little while later, i have a blanket about your shoulders, a cup of tea in your hands and my own untouched on the table beside my wand, my gaze lifting and turning over to you as it seems even in the warmer, golden glow of the lamp, i still seem pale and gaunt
are you alright?

@l. soohyuk /situated on my knees on the floor, I keep my arms around myself, shaken at having seen that part of your past, and yet unaware that you're there in the darkness near me while the tears that wet my lashes grow too swollen with remorse to remain there, leaking down my cheeks; it's only as you help me up, your voice a reminder of the present, and once I'm propped against the desk that I come to as if waking from a nightmare left to cling to me long after my eyes have opened/
Soohyuk--
/whispering your name, I only tip my head up to look at you once the light from your wand fills the room with that soft glow and I can better take in the sight of your features, pale and gaunt in this moment/
I'm sorry...
/my voice still a soft whisper, it might seem like an apology for having seen something I was never meant to, but my arms unwind from about myself and my hands rise to gently clasp against your cheeks, thumbs at your cheekbones as I look into your eyes/
I... I'm so sorry.
/hesitantly, worried you might see my genuine outpouring as being some form of pity, I reluctantly draw back my hands, bringing them to sit folded on my lap, my breath slowly regained as I bow my head and let my short hair fall over my eyes to hide what storms within them/
My heart is aching. I can't-- I can't imagine how that must have felt.
/tipping my head up, I look to you once again, one of my hands rising to press over my heart, uncertain what to say in this moment and only knowing that I shouldn't speak of what I've seen when that is your memory, not my own/

@k. minji /as you seem to draw back and even call my name, it appears you don't realise you're not alone in this room just yet, my gaze somewhere between raw and forlorn for now
/when you begin to fall to your knees i know i should stop you, unable to bring myself to do so though as i watch you collapse down and hug yourself
/standing in the darkness for a time longer i realise its not that i don't want to move but rather i can't, someone else reliving part of my past a reminder enough of what happened and taking me back to the night
/looking pale, gaunt and clammy to the touch, i finally find the strength to move over to you, hesitant footsteps on the stone floor bringing me closer bit by bit
its over...
/my first words to you, reassurance that its over for you at least, that you don't have to see that again whereas for me, its a reminder and a very, very real nightmare - my own reality
minji its alright. its over
/promises quietly as i look at you, crouched down in front of you i begin to help you up, propping you against one of the desks low enough for you to perch on
/searching your face i wonder what you made of the whole thing, lifting my wand and bringing light to the room, a soft glow that barely casts itself over the floor in the hallway with the door still open ajar
it alright
/murmurs once more, my hand resting at your elbow a reminder, a physical one, that you're not alone and i am indeed beside you

@l. soohyuk /the past few weeks had passed by as uneventfully as possible within the halls of Hogwarts, and for that I was thankful, particularly as it meant that the friendliness that had grown between us endured; however, it also meant that what had been put away as childish fancy once, was beginning to stir again, leaving me feeling as flustered at times as I had been when I was a young woman; though I left Hagrid's with the intention to visit you, this time empty handed with only my own company to offer, I could not find you, and I was left checking one of the rooms that had been left open in the otherwise quiet halls of the castle; at first I imagined one of the students was out of bed after hours, and it would be better that I found them and sent them on their way than that Filch would do so, and yet there was no student, there was no movement at all save for the silvery swirls within the basin of a pensieve, an object I was unfamiliar with at best; though I mean to leave it alone, the darting figure of Mrs. Norris, clearly having been made to investigate the same open door, distracts me to the point that I trip, the door is pulled mostly shut behind her, and I end up catching myself at the edge of the pensieve's basin to keep from making a bigger mess; it's then that I'm pulled into a particular memory, one that simmers near the surface, one that feeds a certain curiosity in me as I see something familiar in the features of those assembled; but that curiosity only leaves me aghast/
No...
/whispering softly as the scene unfolds, a shadow made to take shape where conjectured memory becomes solid, only leaves me aghast as my body goes rigid, and my knuckles grow pale as I grip the pensieve all too tightly; the tears that catch on my lashes and that murmur of my name, cutting somewhere it doesn't belong, is all that draws me out of seeing your sister and your mother and lastly you/
S-Soohyuk...
/letting go, my arms come to wrap around myself and I stumble back a step, the edge of a table hitting the backs of my thighs and leaving me to crumple toward my knees, unaware of your presence within the room while I'm left shaken/

@k. minji /with weeks passing by within the school as usual, i find myself keeping at a friendly rate with you, eating meals beside one another in the great hall and greeting each other in passing for classes
/i find myself invited to hagrid's hut more often thanks to you as well, sharing pots of tea together in cups that feel more like bowls to us
/another winter evening has fallen over hogwarts tonight, leaving a chill about the air that even the warm fires and hearths seem to struggle to keep going
/i've just finished checking in with the groundskeeper himself and he told me you'd left his abode about an hour ago and he hadn't seen you since
/thanking him i head off back into the castle, figuring you must be inside though when i checked your quarters you weren't there either
/walking the otherwise darkened, silent halls, the paintings on the wall snoring softly, i keep the wand on my light low and by my side as to not disturb anyone
/the source of another light, the whispering of someone has me pausing, dimming the light further on my wand before i realise there's a crack in one of the doorways
/encroaching on the scene i slip inside, spotting you leaning over a very familiar object, a pensieve, my pensieve the headmaster himself had given me to help with my... problems
/deciding to leave you for now i lean back against one of the pillars in the room, cold, hard and unforgiving as i prop myself against it whilst looking at you tiredly
/waiting for you to pull out of the scenes you see from my past i wonder what you'll think of me for it afterwards, my arms folding over my chest as even though i myself have pored over the images again and again i cannot find the reason nor the will as to why my life has happened as it has so far
minji
/murmurs your name, short, to the point and for a purpose, drumming my fingers against my arms as i continue to wait for you to stop looking through memories best left not spoken about... usually

@s. hoseok /watches you as you seem to be in quite the tizz over everything that's happened, almost as if you're still free falling earlier and not here on solid ground
i knew i could help you, i wasn't just going to sit on my broom and watch you fall to your death. is it so hard to believe someone might think your life worth risking their own in saving?
or is it because i'm a slytherin?
/there's no venom in my voice, no accusation, just curious as to why you might think these things about yourself, or why you find it so hard to just accept what i've done for you
besides. you're in the year below me, you were put in your position because of your size despite you being in the year below me. so i feel... i don't know, i just had to do something and i don't regret it
...i'd do it again too
/at your offer of getting me something or someone i shake my head gently to myself, knowing there's no point and you don't seem to know the rumours about me
and what do you mean "someone like me"?
/frowns a little bit, thinking you talk about yourself almost how people talk about me when they think i can't hear, or worse, when knowing i can
your offer is kind but i'd be sending you on a wild goose chase. i don't have anyone to see or to keep me company
but... perhaps you could say? if you wouldn't mind or aren't occupied otherwise
/gestures to you with my good hand, motioning for you to take a seat in the chair beside the bed as well, knowing you'd likely need to sit down considering how much you're shaking
i'm really going to be alright
its just a dislocated shoulder, hoseok. oh, and the pleasure is all mine
/offers you another warm smile that reaches my eyes, reaching my hand out for you to shake gently if you like

@c. hyungwon /fidgets with the sleeve of my robes, watching at the nurse relocate your shoulder, i bite away at my bottom worrying it mercilessly, my eyes wide with concern over the pain that comes to you, my muscles twitch to move closer and find some kind of way to ease it for you, yet i feel so powerless and lost starring at you, much like when we were falling from hundreds of feet in the air, and i had felt so helpless until i found your eyes- there was something anchoring about your dark eyes, as if you could be lost at sea yet still hold onto yourself, it made my skin tingle with a newfound sensation i could not put to words, not least words i could say out loud, and even when you're so obviously in pain try to reassure me your fine, my heart plummets to my stomach and bounces back inside my chest/
d-don't joke like that...i'm still shaking /laughs nervously now i recognize the tremble in own hands, i grip my robes tightly in order to steady them/
w-why did you do that...i'm grateful...you saved me but you didn't have to do that- you guys could've won the game...you shouldn't risk yourself like that- for someone like me/murmurs after looking down at my lap, your smile is far too carefree for what had just occurred, my body is still humming with adrenaline you look so casual laying there after the nurse had propped your bones back into place, bites my lip again before looking up at you when you introduce myself, i letting out a small breath/
i-i'm shin hoseok...and this will always be a memorable first meeting- hyungwon.../your name rolls off my tongue in a small whisper, sweet on my tongue like a warm baked good from my houses's kitchen, it feels right/
/says with a bashful smile, i dip my head back down hiding it- and then catches my bottom lip again, nods my head/
i'm perfectly fine- more then fine after a drop like that...but i need to do something
something to help you- is there something you'd like? or need? someone....you would want to be at your side right now? /asks, my voice a bit pitched and cheeks warmed to a tender rosy color, i look onto you with big eager eyes, wanting to do anything to give you comfort or happiness right now/

saunters out into the open before taking a deep breath.

@s. hoseok /simply smiles at you when you look at me with those big, buttery eyes, so warm and soft i almost wish i could have dived into them rather than the harsh fall i had instead
/laughs softly as you ask if i'm okay and correct yourself, letting you flit about me from my face to the rest of me, trying not to wince as much as i feel like
don't people usually thank someone for saving them before asking why?
/coughs the words out as you lift me up off of the ground, unsurprised at you being able to easily pick me up i let you hold me as the nurse complains about the recklessness of my actions
/lifting my head i look to you, meeting your gaze as you set me down and i mouth the words 'worth it' to you, trying to reassure you when you're told to leave me be
/an involuntary cry leaves me when my shoulder is slotted back into place, wanting to have made no sound to lessen what guilt you might be feeling let alone worry, but there's only so much i can do
/left shirtless as the nurse bandages my shoulder, strapping it into place more than anything to keep the mobile limb set for a proper recovery, i can only think about how i won't be able to play quidditch for at least three months
/when the nurse has said just as much, checked over you despite the insistence of you being fine and finally left us, i sit up, propping my back against the pillows behind me
don't look so glum... you'd think you'd just seen someone fall to their death with that expression. here i was thinking someone was saved from that
/smiles a bit as i tease you, reaching my good arm out for you to shake my hand, figuring a proper introduction is needed since i'm a year above you and in another house
hyungwon. chae hyungwon. nice to meet you or... you know, fall as far as first meetings go
/gestures to my shoulder, the nurse returning with some painkillers which i take, hearing the patter of footsteps and the nurse soon telling students outside to leave us be and talk to us later
/turning my head back towards you i give you another small smile, feeling the medication beginning to sooth the dull ache inside my bones for now
are you really alright though?
you might be physically fine but that must still have been a bit of a shock for you

@c. hyungwon /it happens in seconds, one moment i'm on my broom just trying to help one of the defenders out with a particularly nasty bludger and the next i'm off my broom and falling from hundreds of feet above the sky, panic seizes me up and its like i've forgotten everything i've ever learned that could've possibly helped me in this situation, not that it seems to matter because just as sudden as i can see my death right before my own eyes as if my body and spirit are already separated, i feel a pair of arms come around me and shift me in such away that i'm facing you, i have no resolve in me to say anything as i stare at your face as he fall back to earth, my dark eyes are strained wider with crystallized tears because- why? why would you do this for me?/
w-why? /my whisper is swallowed by the whistling wind of our bodies dropping onto the ground, the impact is not as hard as i thought but at the very last second i bring my arms around you, cradling your skull into my neck to hopefully avoid any major injury there, the bite of the ground makes me grunt but i feel hardly a thing while you're under me, quickly i lift my head up to look at you, i release my arms around you but my hand cups your face for a moment turning it over side to side to see if your're hurt/
Are you okay?! Of course you're not- thats a stupid question....oh my gosh why would you do that?
/asks breathlessly as i scurry around on top of you checking for more injuries, seeing your shoulder is obliviously in need of attention, and i reach to help you but by then the school's head nurse is squawking some orders, and calling us both fools, i peer up at her, and then look back down at you with a flushed expression before i hurry up on my feet and gently pick you up with ease, and follow the nurse to the medical wing, i look down at you again while biting my lip/
thank you..../mumbles softly before the nurse's shrill voice cuts through the silence of the castle, and i'm bustling through emptied halls until i reach the medical wing, there i find an open bed to set you down on carefully, and once done i try to take your dirtied robes off but the nurse shoos me into the next bed, even though i'm perfectly fine/
n-no please let me help I can fix his shoulder /tries not to whine, but it comes out more like a whine rather than older student with sufficient medical knowledge to relocate a shoulder, the nurse shushes me and i slouch into the bed with a pout, looks over to you with this kind of kicked puppy expression/

@k. minji don't trouble yourself with that, minji. there's just some things that i guess i just have to deal with as they come. i'll be fine, i just ask for you to try remember my words when i'm not being a very nice man
/regards you for a moment as your chosen phrasing of the sense of familiarity i'm having intrigues me, tilting my head for a moment before i give a soft shrug of my shoulders
if i remember, you'll be the first one to know
/holds up my hand as you begin apologising, softly shaking my head as i don't blame you at all for myself having lost track of time
no not at all. i needed a break, i believe and if i didn't, i think i would have perhaps had a terrible day and gotten nothing at all done on top of feeling bad
so thank you, again
i seem to be doing that a lot today
/offering you a small but genuine smile, i figure i've taken up more than enough of your weekend even if you reassure me it isn't the case
i'm sure hagrid would love your company for a while too
/nods to the giant of a man before i bow my head to you, not a formality just a genuine kind of thanks for the day i've had with you
/excusing myself i stand and head down the long hall, past students eating here and there before i finally disappear out the large double doors, a smile still on my face despite the looks i get on the way out

@s. hoseok /today's match has been more important than it appears on the surface, the reason being our slytherin captain stepping down and looking to pick someone to take her place
/as seeker i've spent most of the match flying higher than the others, dodging bludgers when the defenders aren't quite quick enough to whack it away from me
/waiting for the golden snitch with keen vision, the moment it appears i find myself surging forwards towards the ball, green cape billowing out behind me as i swerve around a hufflepuff defender
/with the opposing seeker right behind me i don't have time to waste, outstretching one of my hands for the sphere only to have to come up short to avoid one of the tall stands
/turning my head i spot it heading off in another direction, about to set off after it when i see someone suddenly plummeting past me and aiming right for the ground below without intention of stopping it seems
/glancing around i see the hufflepuff seeker off to get the snitch, not having noticed it seems whilst their teammates are all staring at the hufflepuff still falling, falling, falling...
/just to add insult the snitch whizzes in front of me, hovering around my head but i ignore it, putting my broom into a nose dive and causing more gasps to echo around the pitch
/knowing you're going to hit the ground one way or another, i recognise you as one of the hufflepuff defenders who was very busy trying to look after his teammates he forgot himself in the midst of it
/devising a quick plan, the best i have in my limited time frame, i manage to catch up to you just in time to leave my broom and half tackle you off your own, turning us as we fall and holding you to my chest
/with a whispered charm i manage to slow the descent but not by too much, making sure i take the brunt of the fall as you land on top of me, my arms around you still
/skidding to a halt and upturning grass along with it, i let out a soft groan, recognising other students coming to help and see what the damage is, hearing and knowing we're lucky to be alive
/swallowing thickly, i can feel a pain shooting through one of my shoulders, that part having taken most of the fall and making me sigh
that's definitely dislocated...
/mutters under my breath, trying to see if you're alright whilst i release my arms from you a little, your yellow robes spattered in mud and grass like my own
hey- you okay?

@l. soohyuk Then I'll just have to figure out a way to make the bad day a little brighter.
Or at least not make it worse.
/speaking sincerely, I find myself wondering just what might be making your own days so bad, at least in this past week, only to keep myself quiet instead of asking about it while I busy myself with a sip from my water goblet; my thumb brushes against the lip, more interested in that tactile sensation than in eating while we have the time to speak, however idly/
Perhaps we could have been friends in that case.
And you could tell me now why my face is even vaguely familiar when I was looking up at you.
/it's that little change to the phrasing, a reversal of the state of affairs wherein you had no reason to look down on me as a second year, someone who largely stayed out of trouble and to myself, but rather that I had every reason to look up physically and metaphorically; it's while in that thought that I manage not to say anything to Hagrid on his entry, and only just catch your checking your watch when you sound displeased/
Hmm? Oh-- oh did I keep you from that?
/there's a hint of nervousness to my expression as I lean forward, scooting toward the edge of my seat and setting my goblet down a little noisily by comparison/
On the contrary-- I think I must have kept you.
I had a nice time today, discounting the beginning of our time together.
Oh, and you're welcome to as much of my weekend as you would like.
/the nervousness in my expression dissipates once I get that out, just short of the over-eagerness that I have to swallow down and disguise with a more cheerful smile and a slight flutter of dark lashes/
If you need anything else, I think you know how to find me.

@k. minji is that you asking to call me soohyuk instead of professor lee and i to you miss kim?
... alright. first name basis it is but if i ever snap or change suddenly, know its more than likely not to do with you and i'm just having a /really/ bad day
/pausing i turn a little bit in my seat to look at you, giving a small shake of my head before i look at my reflection in the goblet of water
its hard sticking up to those we're not close with, but its even harder to stick up to those closest to us we consider family
but yeah. as a slytherin i can relate to the lack of making friends
/mumbles a small 'perhaps' as to your reasoning for why you seem familiar, something telling me that isn't quite it though
i guess...
still. i'm pretty good with faces. i have to be
/smiles encouragingly at you when you give me the chance to meet your gaze, finishing eating and greeting hagrid halfway through as he comes in
/pulling back the sleeve of my jacket i check the time on my watch, the strap resting over my long sleeves that i always seem to wear no matter what
and i've left marking to this late in the day... wonderful
/shakes my head at myself before i look back at you again, nodding to you for a brief moment
i suppose i've kept you for quite long enough too, haven't i? probably taken up more of your weekend than i should have too...