‣ river

@ha sooyoung ❜ ʸᵛᵉˢ all the endless days he’d spend outside for other reasons — such is a life, but the thoughts of... her surged through his mind at every given moment along with aromas. where he’d trip by cafes and reminisced the first time they’d all go out behind their masks, and despite being covered, their grins failed to hide behind the covers because you could never hide the glint of a happy eye. they happily ate their cakes in silence, gazes meeting from time to time as their tips of their shoes brushed upon each other, lips blemished with the lover’s touch.

other times, he’d scroll and see drinks tainted with various fruits such as cantaloupe, strawberries, oranges, and then... grapes. the corners of his lips perched upwards upon sigh unconsciously, thumb hovering over the image. she hated grapes and he loved the way she’d grimace and scrunch her nose.

but these were memories that lasted mere seconds. just like any other memory besides a few, they’ll slowly lose their hue and shape. one day they’ll burn and crumble under the dirt of the still sea. but for now, he’ll replay them before he sleeps until he forgets. he’ll remember them like a prayer, alike the first song he tunes in the morning while making breakfast. he’ll remember happiness in the same shape and size until he can’t.

“I didn’t think you’d come, sooyoung,” he swallows, fists still tight with his teeth slightly clenched. his lips ajar but quivering, he prolongs the silence until his shoulders deflate, hushing merely to himself, “why would you give a second— third, fourth chance. I don’t understand— I don’t ing understand. I don’t know whether to call you dumb or—” he sighs, tousling his strands with a hand with his gaze faltered downwards onto her fists. hesitantly, he takes a step forward to take hold of both of her hands in his own; a crestfallen expression casted on his face under the shadows with a whisper, “I’m sorry. please don’t hurt yourself because of me.”

@koo junhoe ❜ ʲᵘ⁻ⁿᵉ relief. it was the first wave of emotions that swept past the shore of her heart. but it dissipates as quickly as it arrived.

the second her name rolls past his lips she could feel the muscles within her body tense up. fear, it struck her like lightening as the latter's face comes into view beneath the silvery glow of the moonlight. fear of the unexpected, the unknown waiting to slither out of his mind to manifest words that'd penetrate like daggers into her. she could already feel the queasiness of her stomach as the proximity between them lessens.

defeat. it was the last thing she registered before the wheels in her head ceased to a halt. it was bitter and sly, this feeling of defeat; gradually making its way up her chest like ink spills upon white paper. she didn't know how to reply, much less how to answer his question. why /had/ she come? was there something she expected? reconciliation, perhaps? just as sooyoung had believed she's gotten over the waiting period, she finds herself at the edge of the pier looking out into the green light once again. waiting. she waits, and waits, until he's as close as he could ever get. and it was only then did she realize how blurry her sight has gotten, tears that skirt on the brim of her eyes manipulating her reality. was he really there?

"why... did i come?" the cracks in her voice mirrored the crack that splits through her defense, nails digging into her palm as they engrave crescents upon the soft skin. "i waited. i waited so long for you, to hear something -- anything! i spent so many hours of the day wondering what i did wrong, wondering if i'll ever see you again. a-and when you texted me. . .i just-" words, they always fail her when she needs them most. "and you have the audacity to ask me why i came, junhoe? why would you text me then if you didn't. . ."

@ha sooyoung ❜ ʸᵉᵉᵛᵉˢˢ if he thought there wasn’t another level of emptiness in the world, he was wrong.

with the furthering seconds that brush by, he feels the oxygen seeping from his lungs and the breeze pricking at his skin, even if he was encased in a hoodie and a light coat that hindered any sight of his flesh. at every minute that increased to nine before faltering to zero, he felt his the chains loop around his heart and tighten, tattooing the bruises and imprints of the metal in each direction. he had no right to feel this way, yet here he was lingering near the river they’d both leave rowdy parties and events to go take a night walk.

funny enough, he was standing right on top of the ghostly imprint of his own feet the last time he came by here. the only difference was, she was here.

“sooyoung,” he hushed the moment he spun around at the sound of rapid foot steps and pants. his expression drenched in astonishment, confusion, and gaze brimmed with a glint of milky ways he once had with... her. junhoe’s left with his lips parting ajar and closing before his feet start to edge forward slowly, then quickly as he stumbles further, but he leaves an arms width distance in between. taking a moment to take her visual casted under the moonlight, fingers curled into fists. ‘why would you leave someone like her? with empty promises? leave her as if she was nothing to you? in’ fool.’ blasted like a mantra inside his head; he begins to feel dizzy. “why... would you come?” he unconsciously mumbles, knuckles now brimmed to white in frustration, “I didn’t think you’d come.”

@koo junhoe ❜ ʲᵘ⁻ⁿᵉ restless slumbers accompanied her for many nights, phone tucked against her pillowcase in hopes that she’d be awake to catch any vibration that resonates from the device. yet, it never did. and for once, the phone laid in solitude— connected to the charger by the corner of her room as her eyes fluttered shut to compensate for the sleep she’d allow to escape.

it buzzed, and she shifted. but the weight of countless disappointments prevented her from reaching over to grab it.

•••

darkness consumed the walls of her room the next second her eyes opened. yves herself wasn’t sure what time her body had succumbed to her exhaustion, neither was she aware of what time it was now. aimlessly reaching for the phone, the screen illuminates her face, squinted eyes skimming over the messages that she’d receive in the hours before.

‘in fifteen.’ her heart sunk as she glanced at the time stamp of the message versus the digits displayed at the top of her screen.

•••

the soles of her sneakers slap along the wooden floorboards of the deck, heart thumping just as loudly against the frantic panting her lungs heaved out. left, right — she had barely rubbed off the grogginess of her eyes before sprinting off, and she hoped it was just her sight that deceived her. how empty the river looked, as if she was alone there, the sillage of him the only thing left behind. “jun—“ his name barely tumbled past her lips, slipping out like he had between her fingertips.

@ha sooyoung ❜ ʸᵉᵉᵛᵉˢˢ there wasn’t really any valid excuses to his reaction besides the fact that his phone had gotten confiscated during the period of continuous scandals and investigations in his company. even then, he had gotten his devices shoved back into his chest a few days later with a gift of a threat that no words in the building should meet presence with the outside world. in this time frame being secluded, he shoved himself into the ridges of the couch, frame rested on his side with his cheek pressed into the fabric while his other hand thumb continued to click through show after show.

he stopped at cooking. she likes cooking.

— we have to talk.
— I know you’re probably mad at me and I don’t blame you.
— meet me at the river in fifteen. I’ll tell you everything.

he settles himself on the deck under dusk’s sheet of stars hung above his head, arms perched on the ledge of the wooden frame with his phone held tight in one hand, and heart soaring against his ribcage. it’s been so long that he isn’t sure if her phone number is the same, or if she’d bother with him anymore after being a tard of a prick. most of all, he isn’t sure how long he’ll wait in utmost hope that maybe she’ll show up in front of him like she use to. he prays with fluttered shut eyes, his other hand cupping a side of his face in angst that maybe she still thinks of him as much as he thinks of her. he knows it’s selfish.