✏ diary。

20.11.01

I managed to get a Swiss Army knife now. It's the only thing that I can actually use. That old man might have needed it too, but I needed something, just in case. Anyways, it isn't my fault he left it there while he was sleeping. He should've known better. He'll live. I h̶o̶p̶e̶ know he will.

― tw: mentions of cannibalism ―
✉ diary entry #97 ―
✏ november 15, 2120 ―

So far, so good, right? I haven't eaten Jihoon at all. I haven't eaten human meat at all. I should be doing good, right? Even if it hurts to eat anything else, even if I can't really eat anything else? I should be glad that Jihoon hasn't questioned a single thing of what I do. I should be.

But why do I feel so guilty?
I'm just so tired.

― 王怡人.

8̶t̶h̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶N̶o̶v̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶,̶ ̶2̶1̶2̶0̶

೫ 13th of November, 2120

I don't know what this is... I just found it in the pocket of my backpack. What was been happening to me? Why are my clothes wet – I don't remember it raining. Should I run? Should I hide? What should I do – who are "they"? , I'm not losing my mind right – I might've caught a fever without me knowing, yes. This must be it, a fever dream. I've had this before, early during the outbreak – I've done weird things too then. Yes, that must be it. Right...? I̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶I̶'̶m̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶s̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶f̶e̶c̶t̶e̶d̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶y̶m̶p̶t̶o̶m̶s̶

https://i.imgur.com/oAMH6FO.png

[] tw: mentions of cannibalism

20.11.10

I’m meeting Minho at the gas station tomorrow. I don’t know if arranging the meeting is the right choice. He could be dangerous.

I don’t know what got into me. Maybe it was desperation, maybe it was loneliness, maybe it was the fear that I’d die soon. But, the words just came right out of my mouth.

I still don’t know whether I should try to form an alliance o̶r̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶e̶a̶t̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶.

I’ll figure it out tomorrow.

November 12, 2120:
I've run out of petri dishes. Damn it, I knew I should have stayed in the lab. At least there, the vending machine was fully stocked. At least inside the confines of the lab there were plexi-glass panes to keep you safe and secure inside. At least inside of the room I used to call my office, there were memories, research papers, necessary supplies for my trade... and out here, there is nothing. I've had to make due and I fear that my goal to find a cure will never be obtained. I always believe myself to be an optimist, but alas... I've run out of petri dishes.

nov 11, 2120.
• scoured the research center for batteries because my graphing calculator kept shutting down and i could only find a few that didn't look like the lithium leaked out. hopefully, these can last a while (at least a year and a half). if not then i'm at a loss.
• update on finding a cure:
– it surprises me how we haven't given up but everyone's been more tired than normal
• gardening?
– tried planting some stuff on the grounds outside the research center
– most of the crops died
– with winter approaching there's not many crops that are in season so this is frustrating but we need to find a way of sustenance that won't risk the lives of the researchers here.
• been staying up longer, which makes me prone to more frequent episodes of falling asleep during the day. one of the researchers said to keep my emotions in check too because it could trigger sleeping episodes more. don't see how i can do that when i get frustrated easily.

- kyh

tw: suicidal thoughts.

- 10 november, 2120.

the streets are so empty, it feels scary going around them alone. now i can't even walk on the streets without hiding from time to time, takes about an hour to reach from one block to another. when will all of this end? i don't wanna meet any infected or become an infected, both sound horrible on each end and i just want to go back to old days. but...it is not possible right?

i don't know if mom and dad made it. if they do, they should be working hard on developing the cure right? unlike me, coming from a house of doctors yet unable to be of help. maybe those men are right, i should die off, there really is no use of me staying alive without knowing if anyone i love is still out there.

actually, lisa is. i really want to see her, touch her, and oh god, maybe she is the only reason i want to hang on till now. but if anything happens to her, i don't know if i still want to be alive. i would rather end all of this. the world is too cruel for us to stay positive.

[] tw: suicidal thoughts.

⠀⋆ ⤑ 『 october 26th, 2120。』

How can I go on like this? Is there any meaning anymore to the way in which I live?

⠀⋆ ⤑ 『 october 27th, 2120。』

Simply dying might not be so bad. I would be released from impending doom and these horrid thoughts would leave me.

⠀⋆ ⤑ 『 october 28th, 2120。』

I wish I was dead.

⠀⋆ ⤑ 『 october 29th, 2120。』

⠀⋆ ⤑ 『 october 30th, 2120。』

⠀⋆ ⤑ 『 october 31st, 2120。』

⠀⋆ ⤑ 『 november 1st, 2120。』

⠀⋆ ⤑ 『 november 2nd, 2120。』

[ A series of dates are written down, though each log has been left blank. ]

[] tw: graphic depictions of gore and cannibalism.

⠀⋆ ⤑ 『 october 17th, 2120。』

These days, I prefer to be alone. I know being with a group is better for my safety but I can’t help but feel guilty still, even after all these months. I really can’t forgive myself for what happened to my mother, father, brother, and sister. It’s as if I wasn’t strong enough to protect them all, even as the eldest. I really hate myself for that.

B̶u̶t̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶t̶i̶m̶e̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶r̶e̶c̶o̶l̶l̶e̶c̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶i̶r̶ ̶b̶o̶d̶i̶e̶s̶ ̶b̶e̶f̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶a̶r̶o̶u̶s̶e̶s̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶h̶o̶w̶,̶ ̶m̶a̶k̶e̶s̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶m̶o̶u̶t̶h̶ ̶w̶a̶t̶e̶r̶.̶ ̶I̶t̶’̶s̶ ̶w̶r̶o̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶w̶a̶y̶,̶ ̶t̶e̶r̶r̶i̶b̶l̶e̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶.̶ ̶B̶u̶t̶ ̶i̶n̶s̶i̶d̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶m̶e̶,̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶m̶s̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶y̶e̶a̶r̶n̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶b̶l̶o̶o̶d̶,̶ ̶f̶l̶e̶s̶h̶.̶ ̶I̶t̶ ̶m̶a̶k̶e̶s̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶s̶h̶a̶k̶e̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶ ̶s̶o̶r̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶h̶u̶n̶g̶e̶r̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶b̶e̶f̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶m̶s̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶m̶e̶.̶

I’ve been having less of an appetite lately and food has been hard to consume even though I know very well that I need it in my system. I fear I’m becoming the very creatures that stole my family’s lives.

Mother, father, Phassa, Hansa, please give me the strength to continue onward in this cruel world.

[post deleted by owner]

⠀⋆ ⤑ 『 january 20th, 2120。』

The start of a new year is always supposed to be a joyous one. One of festivities and happiness, often spent in the arms of loving family. But this year I’m alone and it will remain this way until my existence is swept off Earth itself. Just five days ago… A mere five days ago, I found my family dead. Mother, father, Phassa, Hansa.

[ The next few lines upon the page have been smudged over with tears, nearly illegible. ]

How am I to continue without the three I had devoted my life to? What of my studies in medical school? I’m all alone and my will to continue has been stripped away. Why did the world bring such wrongdoings onto me?

tw ┋ graphic depictions of gore, implications at cannibalism

log # 30
✑ august, third week, 2120

monday
▸ another apartment complex — wiped out from the riot brought upon by the inhabitants
▸ news described the night’s fight to have started off from two residents arguing, then fists were involved and accusations were thrown, before a full blown massacre took place
▸ bats were involved, knives were held, fire was set; now, all there’s left are broken glass and empty rooms, plus the fallen bodies of most of the population of that apartment complex and the traumatised survivors of the night

tuesday
▸ the kind lady, mother of three, living on the ground floor of our apartment, was harassed by the thugs of our neighbourhood
▸ they were suspecting her of being an infected and hurting her — i didn’t have a choice, they were being ing asses and accusing an innocent mother
▸ i may have thrown a punch at their ring leader, and while now the mother is safe, I’m pretty sure i just served my head on a silver platter for those thugs

wednesday
▸ there was banging on my door at freaking 3am, yells and slurs the succeeding stuff i heard after the heavy knocking
▸ i knew who it was, so i didn’t answer the door; although, when i tried to fall back asleep, i get awoken by the knocks again, so i stayed awake
▸ i decided to make a late night stream even with all the banging, just me chatting with my fans and eating cup noodles to pass the time until those thugs go away

thursday
▸ i came home from grocery shopping to vandalism on my door
▸ i think i’ll call some painters to clear off the curses across my apartment entrance tomorrow, i’m too tired to deal with this right now
▸ i had a long but fitful afternoon nap

friday
▸ they ambushed me
▸ i didn’t mean to- i really didn’t
▸ i don’t even know where this sudden strength came from, but i was so hungry for /blood/
▸ that bite- damn, was it so ing satisfying to hear his scream and taste his flesh on my tongue
▸ i almost chewed and swallowed it right then and there, if not for the looks of horror of the bystanders when i looked at them
▸ i ed up, i ed up so hard
▸ they’ve /seen/ me; they /know/ now
▸ i’m not safe, i need to get out of here

saturday
▸ no police car, surprisingly
▸ perhaps, they thought it was only an act of self-defence from me? maybe they thought i bit him to protect myself instead of the fact i was so hungry after being in such close proximity of a fodder i won’t mind mauling? that the urge to rip off a whole chunk of flesh with my teeth was just me fighting back and not me thirsting for his blood down my parched throat?
▸ either way, i’m glad — i’m not going yet, and i’ll make sure that won’t happen anytime soon

sunday
▸ i stayed up the whole night trying to convince myself what i did two nights ago was because of my bloodlust to see him suffer, and not because i was hungry
▸ even though the taste of his blood on my tongue was so good; the texture of his flesh in my mouth won’t leave my mind no matter what i try to distract myself with
▸ i ate no one, i’m still human — i’m still /normal/

october 27, 2120
• [ scribbled writings of what vaguely seem like numbers and calculations on the margins, very apparent that he had used this page as scratch paper ]
• need to find the a priori numbers from sample b9 colony for error analysis tomorrow
• wish i could use computers to graph these growths but now i'm stuck with graph paper and crayons. seaborn, matplotlib, and scipy were are so useful, i really did take them for granted.
• inventory of supplies :
– lab instruments are safe, none broken so far.
– but cleaning supplies are running out, need to be rationed. this might skew overall results, but not too much.
– the food supply is being regulated but i think yan an may have eaten the last slice of bread
– i miss eating ice cream
– wondering if growing some food will be helpful.
– tomatoes and amaranth is easy to grow but where will we find the seeds
• someone last night (i believe his name was jihoon), said a signal tower had toppled over. i wonder why or how that happened. in any case it’s good that we can still connect to the public radio.

- kyh

　 〚 October 27th, 2120 〛

There's a storm outside as I'm writing this, and funnily enough it only messes with my radio signal. The weather really said " you", huh? Or maybe it's nature's way of saying that I've been holed up south for too long and that I need to get going. Is something bad going to happen here? I don't know.

There's a hole on the ceiling as well and it's creating a huge puddle at the corner due to the rain. It doesn't look like it's going to die down anytime soon. This place is going to turn into an aquarium at this rate. Maybe I'll pack my things and move out first thing in the morning ― but where?

I just found out recently through the radio that Yiren is alive. The nurse that took care of me (Flora?) when I lost my pinky is alive too, and apparently she needs shelter. Maybe I should try to meet her somewhere? I do owe her a favor after all. Or maybe I should try to meet up with Yiren? It's been nearly a year since we lost contact and I miss her. I̶ ̶n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶g̶o̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶I̶ ̶f̶e̶l̶t̶.̶

I'll sort it out tomorrow morning if the rain hasn't drowned me yet.

tw ┋ mentions of cannibalism, somewhat graphic depiction of gore

log # 20
✑ june, first week, 2120

monday
▸ there's a loud fight going on outside
▸ lots of yelling, accusations thrown around, fists flying
▸ i stayed inside and hoped that everyone will just shut up soon

tuesday
▸ more confirmed cases
▸ more brawls outside
▸ just your average day

wednesday
▸ the new broadcast announced a case of a wife eating her own husband
▸ the wife was apprehended and tested positive, undergoing psychiatric and physical treatment
▸ they didn't show the scene of the crime, and for some reason i was disappointed by it

thursday
▸ i think i've been having terrible appetite lately
▸ either that, or the food products are becoming odder in taste with every new manufacture
▸ anyway, i still need to keep myself replenish, even though i don't feel like consuming any of my groceries

friday
▸ this is weird
▸ i was at my balcony sunbathing when i smelt something nice coming from my neighbour's place; my neighbour came out just then but when i asked what she was cooking, she said she wasn't cooking anything
▸ where was that sweet smell coming from? it's making me hungry. i swore it was coming from her place (even though the smell felt a bit too close, like she brought the food out with her)

saturday
▸ i had a bad dream last night
▸ i dreamt about me covered in blood and bodies all around me, seemingly being torn open and devoured
▸ why am i dreaming this, wtf brain

sunday
▸
▸ i'm so ed
▸ this is not happening why is this happening why me why why w h y

― tw: gore (?) & light cannibalism (?) ―
✉ diary entry #55 ―
✏ october 17, 2120―

I have a new problem.

No, it’s got nothing to do with my infection this time. Wait, no scratch that. It’s got /everything/ to do with my infection. See, today a human stumbled upon me. No, I didn’t know who he was before I met him today. Apparently his name is Felix, and he’s alone, lost and wandering about. Pretty much like me. He’s normal, I think. It shows in the way he talks, the way he acts, and the way he so easily revealed the fact that his gun isn’t loaded and the only one who could have done actual damage was me. There’s nothing wrong there, no.

The problem isn’t him, per se ― it’s the fact that I can’t smell blood on him, or the same scent I smell from the infected (must note that infecteds don’t have a distinct scent, I just learned that if an infected has feasted recently, then there’d be at least the faint scent of blood and something rotten around them). That means he’s okay. Perfectly okay. At least at the moment, but that doesn’t matter.

B̶e̶c̶a̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶m̶o̶m̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶e̶t̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶k̶n̶e̶w̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶g̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶/̶f̶u̶c̶k̶e̶d̶/̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶h̶u̶n̶g̶r̶y̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶w̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶t̶,̶ ̶n̶o̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶a̶m̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶’̶s̶ ̶t̶a̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶s̶c̶i̶o̶u̶s̶ ̶e̶f̶f̶o̶r̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶t̶o̶p̶ ̶m̶y̶s̶e̶l̶f̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶…̶ ̶g̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶h̶e̶a̶d̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶a̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶ ̶b̶i̶t̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶c̶a̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶I̶’̶m̶ ̶s̶u̶r̶e̶―

Trying to make sense of everything is so hard now, and I don’t know how to deal with it. He seems nice. He shouldn’t have met me. I know I swore that I would never eat human flesh or even try, but that’s easier said than done especially now that I have someone with me. Infected or not, it’s tempting. The hunger I feel deep in my stomach feels like a craving that won’t be satisfied even if I /did/ eat, you know? I hate the thought of eating someone so much I can literally puke at the thought of it, b̶u̶t̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶f̶e̶l̶t̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶n̶i̶c̶e̶,̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶m̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶e̶a̶s̶i̶e̶r̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶e̶a̶t̶―

This is so messy. Is this even helpful? I don’t know. This is helping me be a little saner for a bit longer, though. It’s so hard to take control of your instincts. I know it’s wrong, so so ing wrong but my instincts say it’s right and it’s natural and that I should just give in and I’m getting tired.

But having a companion feels nice. It’s been a while I almost forgot what it felt like to have someone with you, someone that isn’t inanimate that I can talk to without sounding crazy (even if I definitely feel like I am already haha). Felix is good company at least, as long as he doesn’t get too close. I’ll probably make sure he gets somewhere safe first, then I’ll leave him alone. He’s better off alone than with me. I have no idea if he’s actually infected or not, but the lack of scent of blood should be saying something, right?

Infected or not, I still want him safe. From me, from the others.

Am I thinking straight? I don’t know. Hopefully having Felix here can help me focus. Hopefully.

― 王怡人.

- october 27, 2120.

guess what i found on my arm today? slits, three of them on my right arm.

horizontal, long, narrow. it took my the whole morning trying to figure if any of the belongings i bring with me did that. but when i try to ask ling, she looks horrified. i assure her it won't attract any of the infected after some simple bandage, but she still looks scared. i really don't want to sound skeptical but at this point, being scared is of no use to help cure this disease. and i was asking about how the slits were there? how it could have been caused? what is there to be scared about?

but after checking my belongings, along with ling and zhou's, nope, didn't find anything. three of the guys went out to scavenge for some possible weapons and the last one fell asleep. i was sitting aside playing with the radio but then something beside his bag caught light and reflected.

it is a swiss knife.

i didn't want to think but - can't help but to compare the slits to the knife. and turns out it makes the same injury.

say, why would you suddenly draw cuts on someone else's arm at this moment of time?

and i think they deliberately slept further from me, which i didn't notice last night.

i don't want to get into conclusions, but i cannot ignore this.

i could be dead if i do.

　 〚 January 6th, 2119 〛

I didn't know what I expected from work after my week-long break, but it certainly isn't getting the exact same order from the exact same person three days in a row.

Said person (who goes by the name "Wang Yiren") has been ordering what might possibly be the worst order I have ever received throughout my delivering history: cheese pizza WITHOUT cheese. Have I mentioned that she's been doing that for three days in a row now? Today's the third day, and I think she forgot to make a note of it when she ordered, but I didn't have to ask. It only took me one quick glance at the customer's name to know that I needed to get another box of cheese-less cheese pizza tonight.

I don't think anyone's going to stumble upon this notebook, so I'll just go ahead and say this ― despite her strange taste in pizza, she's actually... pretty cute. I knew that she wasn't Korean just by looking at her name, but it's cute how she would thank me with a perfectly enunciated "thank you" and a perfect ninety degree bow ― so perfect that it looked and sounded awkward, but eh. It doesn't really matter anyway.

Today though, she was obviously drunk when she opened the door for me. Her "thank you" was slurred and her cheeks were flushed red, and the worst (best?) part is ― I just found a crumpled piece of paper folded inside the 5000 won bill she gave me for no reason (probably to drunkenly tip me extra? I didn't know how to tell her that service charges are already included in her bill) and lo and behold, a phone number with a ;) face added at the end of it.

Will I be breaking the company's conduct if I contacted her with my personal phone? I mean, at least I'm not using my work phone (aka the company's phone) for it. Probably not. I'm a human being before a deliveryman after all. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow morning. I'm too tired for more human interaction and Yiren's probably passed out drunk at this hour.

Will I regret this? I don't know. But it's worth giving it a shot.

❝ ⁞ diary entry – october 7, 2120. × tw :: mentions of cannibalism.

deary diary,

i'm starting to think i have the virus. i've been... craving human flesh and getting hallucinations. i told the head nurse and she excused me from my duties. it's a disgusting feeling, and everything else is repulsive. i don't know how much longer i can stand. i can't risk my nephews, but i don't know who else to care for them. i'm lost, and i'm so hungry. i really hope i'm wrong.

log # 10
✑ march, second week, 2120

monday
▸ everyone is paranoid, staying at home and limiting their time outside
▸ i still find some kids going out after curfew to have fun — idiots
▸ i haven’t stock up my groceries since january, i should do that soon

tuesday
▸ someone on live confessed to being scared of this change of events
▸ i just told them that things will blow over soon, just like how our ancestors had survived the previous pandemics
▸ if they managed to get out of them unscathed, so can we

wednesday
▸ doctors and scientists are still trying to figure out the symptoms of this disease
▸ it seems whoever has been infected by it doesn’t show any obvious signs of distress or pain — they all just seem normal
▸ as far as they’re aware, the sickness isn’t like an average flu; maybe it isn’t a flu?

thursday
▸ nothing new on the news, did my lives like the usual
▸ today wasn’t very eventful, i hung my clothes and just lazed about
▸ i feel so lethargic for some reason

friday
▸ contacted some friends and met through discord, it was fun
▸ i streamed us playing games together, it was chaotic
▸ it was almost 3am when we finally stopped and went to bed

saturday
▸ i was bored, so i searched up some recipes to try out
▸ is it weird to be trying to reenact game dishes?
▸ i made fried radish balls from genshin impact — they actually taste great

sunday
▸ the needle felting kit i ordered online weeks ago finally arrived!
▸ i tried making some basics, i think they’re not bad
▸ i can’t wait to make more of these!

― tw: gore! light cannibalism (?) ―
✉ diary entry #10 ―
✏ june 26, 2120 ―

Today I woke up craving flesh. As if the nightmares I’ve been having recently weren’t enough, today I a̶c̶t̶u̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ finally woke up craving flesh. I don’t know how I’m still literate or calm enough to write this down, when my heart is pounding so loudly against my ears right now, but now that I’m actually sitting down and writing this… I don’t think I’m surprised to learn this about myself. I’ve always suspected it, you know it. I’ve written here in great detail the nightmares I have: the craving of flesh, the feeling of meat ― human meat on my tongue, my hands covered in blood and guts.

It’s faint and barely there, but I haven’t been able to eat anything properly recently. They would taste like even if I’d make sure that they weren’t expired or rotten (and honestly, at times like this, I’d eat them even if they were expired ― hunger is a difficult thing to battle). Normal food doesn't even look tasty to me anymore, and I’m the type to eat a lot, even if I have such ty allergies. It’s a good thing that I’m alone, because controlling myself would probably be a lot harder since it took me by surprise earlier.

I’m hungry, and I want to eat something decent so, so bad, but there’s nothing I can eat that will satisfy my taste buds and even if I force the food down, my stomach will throw it back up. My tongue craves human flesh, and I hate it so much.

I’m infected, and there’s a high chance that my family back at home is infected too, if this was genetic mutation. I think? Is that how science works? I don’t even know.

But I’m worried about Jingyi. I don’t think she’ll last long alone, especially with my family. I’ll still hope she’s okay. I’ll still hope I can see her soon.

But first, I have to worry about myself and this infection. It’s still controllable, I think. I can still handle it. I swear I won’t give in to my hunger. Even if human food tastes like to me now, I’ll still eat it. I’ll learn how to take it. I will never eat human flesh ― I won’t be able to come back from that.

― 王怡人.

[ october 26, 2120 ]
- failed to grow sample B9 bacteria colony
- sample B10 still seems promising
- will need to retrieve more samples from an infected...
- mutations in sample nucleus recorded

yonghee saw me fall down/asleep with bread in my mouth. apparently i ate it in my sleep. still no contact from the family. i was hoping to be able to reach them through the fixed radio channel but no luck. i hope they're okay.. we're running low on tea bags in the lab :(

i'm still hopeful that we can help find a cure. we can't give up...