ˋ❖ Creaky Crag

@☆ elizabeth o。 i know you can, but c'mon, im supposed to be trying to protect you in some sorta way. let me pretend i can do something like that...
/grumbling a little under my breath, i shake my head, hoping to lighten the mood with my teasing even though it's still true because i know right now i'd never be able to properly protect you if anything bad were to happen, despite how much i would want to protect you
/my hand comes to your hair, once more soothingly brushing through your locks and trying to be helpful while you're so clearly upset, and i only hope that i can be a comfort in the moment
it can be dumb, i think. like, how come we always cry when we're trying to prove how strong we are? that's dumb.
/clearly thinking that crying is showing weakness, i squeeze you in my arms, humming softly, though your words strike me particularly hard as i squeeze you in my arms, having to swallow a thick lump in my throat
you wont, liz. i promise, you'll never lose me. you cant get rid of me now.
/when you attempt to brush your tears away, i reach up to help, using my sleeves to gently clear your cheeks before i chuckle softly at your words, nodding a little
alright, alright, i owe you. dont worry, your secret's safe with me. just dont tell anyone i cried, either. i have a persona to keep up.
/puffing my chest a little, i furrow my brows and give a little flex of my muscles as i pull my arms away from you, though i relax and run my hand through my hair, smiling softly to you
you're the best, liz. to me, you're the best.

@☆ jungkook j。 jungkook...
/whilst i'm happy, proud to see your determination i know i'm also determined to see you overcome this and get your rewards for working so hard
i can handle and look after myself, kook. don't ever let that hold you back from what you want to accomplish okay? i promise. you've not even seen the full forced of what i can do, not in person at least
/knowing you've seen the things i can do from at least the snippets of my dreams you saw earlier, i also know i never want to have you see those things again, not in real life if i can help it
/sighing a little to myself i shake my head softly, smiling a little bit to myself before i feel you tug me in for a hug, bowing my head to your shoulder where i rest it
its not dumb, you brat
/mumbles more to myself, my own arms wrapping around you though as i hug you against me, my eyelids falling closed as i shake a little bit in your arms
i can't lose you... i can't lose another brother
/sniffles softly, grateful for my long hair to be hiding my face from your view, even when you pull back to look at me and i try wiping at my tears again
you owe me... like a milkshake or something
the one with those chocolate twizzler things
/recalls from one of the lunches we've had together at a diner nearby, finally able to see enough to meet your gaze and smile happily as i do so
tell anyone i cried though and i'll beat your to a pulp

@☆ elizabeth o。 i guess that makes sense...
i just.. i dont want to put either of us through this and potentially make things worse just because im too stubborn to live without magic.
/sighing, i shake my head, almost scoffing at myself for a moment, but when i look up at you once more, my gaze is steely, something setting deep within me as i speak firmly, as if to challenge your disappointment i can see so clearly
of course i want to do better. i want to use magic, i want to be as strong as you one day. i want to be able to shoot fireworks into the sky with the snap of fingers and make people happy. i want to be able to defend myself if i need to, to learn and grow stronger and to /be better/.
i just dont want to hurt others, i dont want to hurt /you/ in the process.
/taking a deep breath, i keep my gaze on you, though as i notice the emotion over your expression when i call you family, i immediately soften, my eyes searching your expression before you turn away
/giving you a moment, that sole moment of privacy that you clearly need, i wait until you speak before i come closer to you once more, reaching out and gently clasping your arm, my eyes soft
my big sister is teaching me that being dumb isnt... isnt always bad.
sometimes, its okay to be dumb.
/smiling softly, i gently tug you in for a hug, wrapping my arms tightly around you, and even though i know im younger i know i want to keep you safe as best as someone in my position can, though im not sure how, but my determination helps me feel stronger
/closing my eyes, i squeeze you in my arms before i pull back just a little, nodding once
see? crying is dumb, but it's okay. we both cried-- we were both dumb.

@☆ jungkook j。 just because someone lives a certain way with a specific thing for a while, doesn't mean it should continue. especially you in this situation, jungkook. this wasn't your choice but it concerns you because- well, its you
/gestures with my hands as if it helps make my point any clearer, doubting it does so though and i sigh to myself, glancing away for a moment
don't you want to do better? don't you want to use magic? its your birthright
/knowing i'd be disappointed if you gave in so easily, especially to someone like the mage, i can't keep it off my face as i look at you for a quiet moment
/when you mention me being like a big sister my heart aches, remember how i once indeed had a brother, a mother and a father too, but my brother was the most precious to me
jungkook...
/trails off after saying your name softly, my own eyes stinging with tears and honestly your timing for saying crying is dumb couldn't be better
yeah, i suppose it is
/laughs a little as i turn my face away, unable to hold my smile any longer as i cry softly to myself, needing a moment as i pace away for a moment
/wiping under my eyes i feel my hands shaking, wrapping my arms around myself as i know that whilst loving and caring for you as a brother feels nice, it reminds me of how much it would hurt to have you leave too
sorry-
i guess your big sister is being dumb, huh?

@☆ elizabeth o。 i mean... i dont know. i’ve gone this long so far, right? i dont... i dont need to be a magician...
/as i trail off, i know its not exactly something i would want, but it would be something i’d give up if i needed to
/listening quietly, i nod a little at your words, nibbling on my lip as i wrack my brain for just how to bring it up
okay... o-okay, i can do that.
i can.
/with one more firm nod, i sigh, wanting to distract myself from the impending doom everything will be, knowing that this isnt going to be a pretty confrontation
/my eyes narrow lightly at your words, and a short little laugh leaves my lips
no, you’re not old enough to be my mom. just... a big sister.
/my eyes shine as i look to you, tipping my head a little when i realize i’ve essentially called you like my family
/lifting a hand to rub my nape perhaps a little shyly, i clear my throat and scrunch my nose when you ruffle my hair, and i whine as i attempt to smooth it over again
crying is dumb, i think.

@☆ jungkook j。 are you fine? after all this time practicing and trying your hardest? to only find out the reason your abilities are capped is because of some man who had no right to make that choice in the first place?
/sighs to myself, knowing its not your fault and that its a lot to take on at the same time but i'm still very frustrated at this whole thing going on
something... something else. why don't we only partially lie instead?
tell him you've met a magical user and that they're trying to help you. but that you're worried about changes and you need him to be here
i doubt he'd resist coming back to meddle in what's going on here
/thinking his arrogance in the situation will be his downfall i turn my attention back to you in the present who seems so needy at the moment
no its not you're fault... though if you say i'm old enough to be your mother then i'm going to be very upset with you
/teases you to try and make you lighten up even more, smiling as you try take care of me too by running your hands over my arms and generally trying to be soothing
of course we'll be fine
and hey-
/reaches my hand up, ruffling your hair once more and making sure to really mess it up, smiling to myself as i pull my hand back
crying isn't dumb. i just don't like seeing you get close to it

@☆ elizabeth o。 but i dont — i dont know. im fine, right? its not like he’s hurting me...
/trailing off, my only thought is that there’s no way im in any sort of situation like you were, that my pain and suffering is so much less than yours
/when you mention lying, i slowly nod, already the gears in my head are turning, trying to think of something to say, to tell him
i could... i could tell him im worried, that someone’s been following me. that works, right?
/having to distract myself from wringing my hands, my fingers brush along your clothes as if a soothing material, and immediately im comforted by you, by your words and the way you so gently smile to me
you’re the closest thing to a friend i’ve got. hell, you’re even closer to me than i am to my mom at this point. but that’s not my fault...
/my thoughts wander for a moment and i fall wuiet, sighing softly as i close my eyes, knowing that the mage had told my mother to leave me be while im amidst my studies, and she’s always listened well to him
/listening to you, i sigh softly, nodding slowlt as i look up at you, offering a small little smile and brushing my hands over your arms
we’ll be fine. we both will. right, liz?
/returning your little squeeze with my own, i nudge my nose to your shoulder, smiling softly as you pat my cheeks and i nod once
right. no more of that dumb crying—

@☆ jungkook j。 why not? this guy is starting to sound like a lot of people i left behind in my life
and if he is then i know very much what kind of man he is
/my stomach churns at the thought of confronting someone like him, though i mostly pity him for how he is quickly becoming the target of all that hate i have for people like that
you like. we fabricate a lie, a reason he can't refuse to come here. then when he is here we ask him for the truth
demand it. i won't let him leave until he tells you why he's done this
/speaks firmly as i look at you quietly, smiling a little at the sight of those tears as its nice to see you letting out your emotions even more
you're not going to lose me, jungkook. i'm a lot stronger than what you've seen of me so far
/leaning my head against your own once more i brush my hand over your back once more, trying to reassure you everything is going to be fine all in all
i know, i know, kook
and that means a whole lot to me as well
/squeezes you gently in my arms, rubbing your back once more before i close my eyelids, sighing to myself as i do so
i meant when i said. we're going to be fine
you- you are going to be fine. i promise... i promise
/rubs over your shoulders lovingly, squeezing once more before i pat over your cheeks, trying to get you to perk up
come on now. perk up, kook

@☆ elizabeth o。 liz... liz you cant think like that...
/wondering if you're anger is tempted to rise, and my eyes are wide as i look up at you, not wanting you to go through that right now of all times
/listening to you quietly, i nod a little at your words, seeming a little fervent in my own actions, knowing that if the mage had found out anything, everything could go wrong
what am i supposed to say? what-- what am i supposed to do? how do i get him--
how do i get him to come out here?
/at a loss, i sniffle a little while i look to you, and i have to force myself to come back from the brink of tears, shaking my head a little
i.. well... i dont know... i just... im scared, liz. im afraid of... of losing you. you're the only person who's... who's cared...
/murmuring quietly, i once more cling to you, my arms winding about you and my head coming to rest on your shoulder at your urging, my eyes falling shut
i'd do anything for you, too, liz. you know that, right? i care, i care a lot.

@☆ jungkook j。 of course there's nothing, jungkook. he's stolen a part of you, locked it up and kept it in the shadows away from you
/my own words anger me as i realise that's exactly what he's done, the both of us knowing now that i hate people messing with other's minds, especially without permission
i don't know why he would. but there's no good reason and he's not told anyone about it either
if i could just get my hands on him-
/stops myself from saying any more, sighing as my shoulder sag a little and i'm reminded to smother the flames of my anger in order to look after you who needs me far more right now
/with your head on my shoulder i lean my head against yours gently, still rubbing your back as you ask why he would do such a thing again, having no answer though i wish i did
/letting you pull back i look at your distraught features, thinking you're naive if you think he'll come clean just like that
kook-
you can't tell him i'm here. you can't tell him about me. if he knows he'll never come, or worse, he might try hurt you and i'm not willing to take that risk
its risky enough bringing him here...
/trails off softly, sighing to myself before i see your eyes beginning to water, my hands immediately cupping your face in my palms once more, thumbs brushing beneath your eyes
what are you crying for, kook?
/frowns as you say that you don't know how something i said means to you, thinking i should be making plans now but with you emotional i can't, and i don't want to, i find myself wanting to look after you
hey...
kid if you didn't realise how much i care about you by this point i'm tempted to throw you
/laughs a little bit, trying to cheer you up before i wrap my arms around you, guiding your head down to my chest where it can rest, sighing as i just hold you against me
i'd do anything for you, jungkook

@☆ elizabeth o。 there was... there was nothing. i cant even look as deep as you can-- there's just.. nothing...
/murmuring quietly, i cling to you, my eyes slowly dragging up to meet your gaze, and i follow your instructions, forcing myself to breathe and honestly take deep breaths to calm myself
/swallowing thickly, i manage to loosen my grip on you enough that im not potentially hurting you or myself, and i slowly nod as i look up at you, worrying my bottom lip between my teeth before i speak up
why would he do this...
/though i know im asking a question neither of us can answer, i sink into your arms anyway, clearly worried enough that while you hold me i rest against you, my head coming to your shoulder
/when you pull back, speaking of getting the mage to come here and see me, my eyes widen with an emotion i'd never be able to place, but to everyone else it would be clear that im afraid
/looking up at you, i slowly nod at your words, my voice soft and maybe a little broken when i manage to speak up
i can... i can try, i can try to get him out here.
we could ask him, we could figure something out-- he'd have to tell us then, right?
/your words hit me hard, the first time anyone has ever offered to do anything for me, especially in terms of protecting me, and almost immediately my eyes water and i have to take a deep breath
you... you dont know what that means to me, liz...

@☆ jungkook j。 hey-
/when you come back to me after disappearing into your own mind, i cup your face again in my palms, trying to get you to look at me as i frown at you
its okay. you're here, its okay
breathe, jungkook. breathe
/nods a little as i meet your gaze, showing you i'm here and with you and that its going to be okay no matter what
i don't know... i don't know why he'd do this to you of all people either
but he's definitely not good. i don't care what his reasoning is for this, its not good enough and he had absolutely no right
/hearing you ask what's going to become of you if i do this, i frown again as you sound so much like a scared child, making my heart ache in response
jungkook...
/sighing i pull you in against me, hugging you as i prop my face gently against your shoulder, one of my hands rubbing your back comfortingly
its going to be okay... we don't have to do it now
we can try find out more together about why too-
/pausing i lean back, an idea coming to mind but i wonder if this is really worth it for what we're going to be doing if i suggest this and we go along with it
what if... what if you brought him here. you know, made an excuse and a reason he couldn't refuse to come here for?
maybe you could get your answers but if he tries anything-
jungkook i swear i'm not going to hesitate to end him

@☆ elizabeth o。 liz im-- im worried.
/my eyes are wide as i look up at you, and the worry i voice is evident in my gaze, one of the few times i ever show emotion with you, and i sigh a little as you raise your hand
/nodding a few times, i force myself to calm, biting down on my lower lip as i listen quietly to you, trying to wrack my brain for some sort of telling as to why something like this would happen
/delving into my mind, my eyes fall shut, and though i cant get as far back as you, im dipping into waters i dont really know and parts of my mind i cant really explain, and eventually i hit a sort of nothingness
/gasping, my eyes snap open, the emptiness i felt causing me to reach out and cling to you, needing that sort of connection as i look up at you, my eyes searching yours
liz, i dont understand. why would he do this? why would he want me to-- to not-- only to try and force his magic on me?
is it because he's-- is he... is he bad, liz?
/though we had essentially spoken of the mage as a sort of evil figure in my life, the dark magic that runs through my veins no thanks to him, i have never really thought of him as bad, as actually evil, and now that i speak it out loud i worry what may happen
liz, what's going to happen to me, if you do this?
/my voice is soft, eyes wide as you hold me, the thought of putting either of us in pain making me hesitate at the idea of being free of this curse that's plagued my life
what if-- what if im not okay after?

@☆ jungkook j。 i'm fine- i'm fine...
/reassures you quietly or as best as i can given the situation, holding up my hand to signal for you to not worry about me too much
i don't know why he'd do it, jungkook. suppressing someone's magic is a dangerous things to do and it always has its repercussions to face afterwards
he's just not here to feel them
/speaks bitterly about your former mentor, tucking some of my hair back behind my ears when i manage to straighten up, finding my balance a little better
i'm fine. really. i just didn't expect there to really be a block inside of you, let alone one that thickly layered. its not going to go away on its own either
/reaching one of my hands out i place it atop your head before i slide my hand down to cup one of your cheeks, smiling a little at you
this is a chance for you to progress with your magic, jungkook
its what's been holding you back all this time. and it can be gone- not easily but it can go and you can be free
/lifting my other hand i frame your face in both of my palms now, looking up into your eyes as i try and show you i mean every word of what i'm about to say
you've done so much on your own already and you got this far
now let me help you one more time
/sliding my hands down to your shoulders i squeeze them, letting my palms traverse further south where i hold your hands in my own
its going to hurt you too. probably a fair bit, but you're strong. the jungkook i know and have had the pleasure of mentoring would never give in now
/tilting my head, i let the silence fall between the two of us for a moment before i speak up again
what do you say? shall we break this together?

@☆ elizabeth o。 i just want to be able to do this, to do... something.
/there’s something a little desperate in my tone, and i take in a deep breath, forcing my eyes to fall shut while i stand before you
/relaxing, or at least trying to, i figurenits easier for you if i do, unaware of just what you’re doing and how deep into my mind you have to go
/it almost feels like there’s a probe, but something so miniscule i never would’ve noticed if i hadnt been hyperaware of you before me right now, searching through my mind for answers i cant even tell you
/when the magic stops you, it ricochets and nudges me back as well, and i stumble a few steps before i open my eyes to look to you, clearly worried
liz—
/cut off as you begin speaking, i ignore the throbbing in my head in favor of listening to you, groaning quietly as i lift a hand to rub the back of my neck
/pausing, however, when you speak, my eyes widen, searching the ground before me before i look up at you, brows furrowed
you think— you think he did this?
why? why would he— i dont want you breaking this if... if it’s going to hurt you...
/swallowing thickly, i shake my head a little, catching my lower tier between my teeth
i dont want you to be hurt.

@☆ jungkook j。 i know. i know you're trying and i see that. i acknowledge you're trying hard but sometimes... sometimes you need a little more help, jungkook
/smiles softly at you before i see you trust me, clearing all things from my own mind before i find myself beginning to dip into your own
/passing by many things i don't need to look into, giving you privacy where i can before i delve even further, seeking out where this seal, lock might be
/my own eyelids close as i sift through the things of your past, struggling to delve even deeper as there's some resistance, like a fog placed over the older memories in your life
/frowning as i search and persist even further, i find what i had expected, a seal in place that blocks so much of your potential i wonder why it was put there in the first place
/trying, testing to go further i feel my magic repelled back and it pulls me out your mind, snapping my hands back from you and stumbling just a little, my hand pressed to my head as i wince
something... something is definitely stopping your magic
i didn't expect anything to push me back so much-
/looking back up i turn to you again, offering you a small smile before i brush my hand over your hair, trying to reassure you as i look at you
i think i can break it but its not going to come without some serious taxation on both of us
... jungkook-
you know who i think has done this to you, don't you

@☆ elizabeth o。 /when you dont mention anything about the mage, or how i very nearly once again compared his teaching to yours, i stay quiet about it
/figuring its best, i try to shove him away from my thoughts, knowing i enjoy the things you teach me a whole lot more, that i’ve even come to be a better person because of you
/even so, my anger flares up when im still unable to really hit a target properly, and i try to calm the way i grow so angry so quickly, not wanting another magical outburst even as my palms grow hot
it may not be the end of the world but— but liz im trying! im trying and im almost getting /nowhere/.
/letting out an exasperated sigh, i close my eyes, hoping it doesnt show how much i enjoy that little encouraging touch, wanting to keep up my persona
/my eyes flutter open as i look to you, slowly nodding once i understand what you mean, and they fall shut once more at your words
/its hard, but i relax a little, my breath evening out as i take deep breaths while you dive into my mind, searching for something i dont know

@☆ jungkook j。 /when you stop yourself from speaking about the mage i'm impressed, though not knowing if you do it for my benefit or your own it doesn't matter, all that matters is you've changed
/watching and waiting patiently for you to gather the courage to try again, i see you burn the edge of at least one and i smile back at you
you did, you really got close
/encourages you before i hear you ask if the targets are moving, wanting to laugh a little since its cute of you to ask when you know very well they aren't but i bite back the sounds
i know... i know its not working
and its okay. breathe, jungkook. its not the end of the world - you remember that
/reaching my hand out i rest my palm against your hair, gently stroking it before i give you a small smile, puling my hand back before i wait a moment and then speak again
there is... something, i'd like to give a try
/bringing my hands together in front of me, i wring my fingers together before gesturing to you briefly
i mean... if you don't mind?
if you trust me too
/holding up my hands i motion to how i want to hold your head, waiting to give you time to pull away before i press my palms against either side of your head
just breathe for me. in and out, nice and calm
/murmurs as i look up at you, giving you a warm smile before i close my own eyelids, allowing my mind to enter your own, searching for answers i'm not even sure you're aware you have, locked up inside this mind of yours

@☆ elizabeth o。 /sighing heavily, my eyes rest on the book, fingers itching for something to cling to, some sort of help in the moment, and in the end i ball my hand up in a fist, my eyes trailing up to meet yours after a moment
but the mage said--
/cutting myself off, i bite down on my lip, knowing that at this point i shouldnt rely on the things he's supposedly taught me, and i take a deep breath, nodding a little at your words
right... i've got to try...
/sighing once more, i step back to my spot, reaching up to focus once more, and yet again the fire appears over each finger, and in my focus i manage to shoot one flame out, just barely nicking the bottom of one of the targets, and i look to you with wide eyes while the target itself burns at the edge
look! i almost... almost did it.
/mumbling almost to myself, i manage to shoot another fame out, but this time it soars past the target into the rain, and i frown, narrowing my eyes at the target itself
are the targets moving?
/rather than admit my aim must be a little off, i take to blaming the target, my frown staying plastered to my face as i attempt a few more times until the flames on my hand are gone entirely, and i huff, dropping my arms, not even making one target disappear
liz-- it's not working.

@☆ jungkook j。 i beg to differ, kiddo
/murmurs more to myself, smiling as you try swat my hands away, knowing you're softer - a lot softer than you let people know
you have been doing better. its not like you've gotten worse or something
/reassures you, motioning for you to go ahead and try again at your own pace, smiling to myself before i step back a little to give you the time you need
/watching quietly, i see how you fail but give up almost instantly, that far more alarming than how you didn't pass the first time
hey hey hey-
you tried like once, kook. come on, do it again
/reaching out i grip hold of your arm gently, squeezing it in encouragement for you to continue what you were doing before
a book can only teach you so much
you're going to learn a lot more from trial and ever than you ever would from some dusty old pages and their instructions
/nods firmly, pointing to the targets before i offer you a reassuring smile, pulling my hand back and letting it rest at my side
go on
you got this

@☆ elizabeth o。 my heart isnt big, liz.
/scoffs a little at your words and attempt to swat your hand away, looking away from you at your words, a soft flush rising to my cheeks
/even though im still attempting the tough kid act,i know that with you, there's something different, something that makes it easier for me to be that sort of kindness with you
i do want to practice-- just a little. i feel like i've been doing better...
/shrugging a little, i sigh, but i take in a deep breath and push the insecurities aside after a moment, smiling up at you as i rise from my spot, picking lightly at the fabric of my jeans
/following after you, i stand back enough to let you do your thing, and my eyes are a little wide as i watch you, enamored by your use of magic, wanting to be able to do that one day but unsure if i really ever will be
/humming softly, i open my mouth to tell you it was a smart idea for the rain, but i figure you already know that and i shut my mouth, nodding a little
alright... dont make fun of me if i cant do it.
/looking to you pointedly, and perhaps a little playfully, i roll up my sleeve and set my hand out, letting out a soft breath as i focus on my fingers for a moment
/slowly but surely, a flame pops up above each finger, and i grin at the clear progression i've made, but just as i go to shoot one out at the target, it fizzles and dies once its not over my hand, and i frown
why is it doing that--
how do i make it not do that--
the book-- it didnt say anything about it--
/frowning, i drop my hand and look to the book, the fires extinguishing as if im about to go look in the pages again, my clear dependency on reading from a book showing just now

@☆ jungkook j。 its not a job, jungkook
its your heart being bigger and more full of kindness than you think
/prods at your chest, right over your heart as i make my point with a small smile on my lips, glancing back at the book and then to you when you show off the little flame
/nods as i listen to you, tilting my head just a little as i can recognise the doubt in you without you needing to even say it, both from seeing it in my own reflection but also from knowing you too
/there's also something that's been bugging me for some time, feeling as if there's some kind of lock keeping more of your powers and advancements out of your reach
hmn?
oh you want to practice- that's no problem
/getting up suddenly i dust myself off, my hands brushing over my jacket before i hold out my hand to you, helping you up before i grin
come on
/jerking my head in one direction, i head over to one of the cliffsides, murmuring for you to stand back a little bit before the familiar crimson appears around my fingers
/the ground shakes with my magic, beginning to shift as five pillars of earth rise up out the ground, each with a circular target on but at differing heights
/lifting my hands up to the skies i swirl my hands around in nonsensical patterns, a cloud coming down from the sky before i grows and grows, raining so hard it looks like a waterfall behind the pillars and targets
there
/lowering my hands i turn back to you, nodding a little to show you to go ahead and try out the makeshift training ground, the water to put out any of your wayward shots of fire
give it a shot
/snapping my fingers i show you what happens if you hit the target, a ball of fire splatting against one of the targets and burning it, though its replaced just moments later with another one

@☆ elizabeth o。 but im jsut doing my job.
/murmuring quietly, i smile softly, glad to know you think of yourself as my teacher now that i've said it out loud, even despite the things that'll come with such a declaration
/once i settle with the book, i flip open to the most recent page i was on, smiling as your fingers brush over the pages and my own follow suit, a soft hum leaving my lips as i look up at you
i just read about fire. i could always do this--
/pausing, i hold up one finger, a small flickering flame popping up just above the tip of my index finger just like a candle before i wave it off and set my hand down once more
but i learned how to do that-- on all of my fingers. and make them spin. i think what's next is being able to shoot them off of my hand like bullets but-- i havent gotten that far.
/sighing a little, my shoulders sag, and for a moment there's a sinking feeling that im really getting nowhere with magic, unbeknownst to me that a family-born curse that plagues my life keeps me from advancing too much without extreme practice, and that i'll never be what my family has always expected
anyways!
/drawing myself from my thoughts, i look up at you, sitting up a little on my knees and closing the book, setting it aside beside me on the ground
can i try it? im not sure how well i'll do it but...

@☆ jungkook j。 i do have to thank you. i've learned to thank people for the littlest of kindness they show and do for me
you're no exception. if anything you're even more important considering how much you do for me. and not just as your... teacher, either
/saying the word for myself feels odd but i like to say it all the same, it brings a genuine smile to my lips as i look at you quietly, appreciating you're trying for me as well
you're sweet
/mumbles more to myself before you rush off to grab your book, seeing you come back and i glance at the book, seeing how much you've read before i look back up at you
wow. you've really been making progress huh?
i'm happily surprised
/shuffles a little, peering in to look at the book in your hands before i brush my fingers over the pages, feeling them beneath my fingertips again before i look back into your eyes
/the word 'cute' comes to mind when you look at me like you do, thinking you also look like a bunny and it makes me smile once more, seeing how comfortable you've become but also used to my routines
yes...
yes that's more than fine. i'd appreciate the company
/not mentioning that its to keep the demons of my mind away that you've had a glimpse into, i think its obvious enough, instead i lean back in my spot, folding my arms over my waist
are there any spells you want to show me as of late though?
or anything you want me to show you?
/looking over you, a smile begins to slowly spread over my features, trying not to laugh as i speak
its been a while since we sparred. you look odd without a bruise

@☆ elizabeth o。 both, maybe.
/smiling softly, i look you over, my lips curled up in something a little lopsided but truly believing in you all the same, and i watch you with a small hum
thank you, liz...
/sighing softly, i almost lean into your touch, hesitant as i force myself to stay still in the end, and i find myself wanting to comfort you in any way i can, needing to be of some help for you
you dont have to thank me.
im just doing what i should, right? i should always believe in you, i should admire you and everything you've done-- if not in general, than for me.
/after im sure i've wiped your tears, even though it's clear you're still emotional, my smile softens into that of pure adoration while i look to you
i want to do anything i can to show you that-- that im thankful. that i care.
/whispering softly, i let my hands rest in yours, then i quickly pull them back and scramble to grab one of the books you told me to get, now a little more than two thirds of the way through
well i-- i was going to come and tell you how much i've been reading. and i mean, i know you come here to keep watch over the border so i was-- i was going to keep you company.
/admitting perhaps a little shyly, i nibble on my lower lip, puffing my cheeks slightly as i meet your gaze from under my fringe
that's okay, right?

@☆ jungkook j。 are you saying that to convince me or to convince you?
/asks you quietly as i look down, giving a small smile to myself before i brush my fingers gently through my hair, glancing at my own hands before i sigh once more
i won't take it from you. not without your permission... i promise
/murmurs as i return my hand to your own hair, brushing over your locks lovingly and then leaning my head back once more to look up at the stars
/forced to look back at you when you cup my cheeks i give you a small smile, my eyelids falling shut on their own as i bring my hands up to gently place over your own
thank you...
thank you so much i-
/choking up on my own words and the lump in my throat i let the words fall dead in the air, feeling you wiping at my eyes and it makes me smile a little bit more to myself again
it means a lot to me
really-
it does... more than you can know
/takes hold of both your hands in my own, squeezing at them gently before i place them in my lap, letting a little laugh out as i realise this isn't what you must have come here before for
what can your teacher do for you now, hmn?
you must have come to see me about something before i gave you those terrible visions

@☆ elizabeth o。 but you arent... you arent like that now. you arent. you’re stronger, you’ve overcome it—
/even as you’re so adamant to tell me otherwise, i cant help myself, continuously reassuring both of us that it cant be true, that you cant be like that anymore
/shaking my head, im clinging to you, knowing that if the memory of what i’ve seen, of what has happened to you, is taken from me, there would be something entirely missing from me, and i dont want that
if you’re my teacher... please dont take it from me. i dont want to forget.
/unaware that there are tears in your eyes, i cling to you, slowly lifting my head to cat h sight of you, and i loft my hands to gently cup your cheeks
you’re strong. stronger than i could ever be. it must hurt, knowing you went through that...
but you’re strong, and i admire it. i admire you.
/nodding a few times, i take my sleeve to carefully dry the wetness on your eyes, smiling a little sheepishly even so

@☆ jungkook j。 jungkook-
/wondering if perhaps you're lying, lying to yourself because its easier than the truth i know i wouldn't blame you if its so as i understand it completely
i was broken long before they got me in their clutches... and i don't think i've ever healed
not really
/admits softly, my voice cracking just a bit before i card my fingers through your hair as i make you lean against me and rest, wishing to help you even now
/feeling your anger begin to wane and subside into perhaps just sadness for me, i hope it never turns into pity as i don't want that from anyone. ever
alright...
but if you ever change your mind, all you need to do is say the word and it would be as if it never happened
just like that
/promises in nothing louder than a whisper, tears stinging my eyes as you insist i am good, that i've come so far and changed so much
i hope you never go through even a fraction of the terrors i have been through, jungkook. those things should stay fantasy, fiction
/muses whilst i gaze down at you resting and holding onto me at the same time, my lower lip trembling before i squeeze you against me, my head leaning back against the trunk behind me whilst i look up to the sky
i wouldn't even wish them on my enemies
but your own your own path. your own adventure and you have come so far. i-
/cutting myself short, i find myself closing my eyelids and then speaking in no louder than a whisper, as if frightened to admit i care
i'm proud of you...

@☆ elizabeth o。 no.
no, i refuse to believe it was you.
/shaking my head, my tone is one of disbelief, my eyes a little wide as i look at you, but when i continue to speak my tone firms
no. what they did— what they did, it turned you into what /they/ wanted. you were so hurt, so— you were what they wanted once they broke you.
/my voice trembles, and in the midst of my anger over the people who did such a thing my hands heat up, and i have to pull them away from you
/taking a deep breath, my eyes falling shut as i force myself to calm down enough that my anger doesnt manifest itself through whatever powers i have
you arent that person anymore. you may still be able to do those things, and you may fall back but — but you arent that person anymore. you’ve grown.
saying that’s who you are is like me saying im the same person as when we first met.
/looking to you pointedly, especially when we both know i’ve changed and grown, i heave a sigh, sniffling a little and sinking against you once more
/your suggestion makes me freeze, something uneasy sitting in the back of my mind, and i shake my head just once
no... dont, please.
i want to remember. i want to know how kuch you’ve grown, how far you’ve come.
/my arms come to wind around you once more, at this point almost like im holding onto the last thing i know and adore
it gives me hope, that one day i can be as strong as you.

@☆ jungkook j。 /as you defend me, even the me you do not know but have seen the things i have done it makes my heart drop a little, guilt riddling me through and through
it was me... it was all me, jungkook. they just unlocked more of what was inside of me and pointed me in a direction so i would go and do just as they pleased
/murmurs as i brush my thumb just beneath your eye, seeing the red puffiness there and smiling a little bit to myself as i do so, even tinged with sadness
you wouldn't have been able to fix anything... you would have just found yourself in more trouble than good. and if you had been harmed- the thought of it right now makes me sick
don't wish for those things. you mustn't
/brushes some of your hair back gently, giving you another small smile letting you lean back in and hug me, rubbing your back in the attempt to try calm you down
/leaning my head against your own i close my eyelids, leaning back against the trunk and effectively letting you lean against my chest, my hand brushing over the back of your hair
its all in the past now, jungkook... there's no reason to let the past still haunt you or me
/wrapping my other arm around your waist i still rub at your back in what can only be considered a loving way, a thought coming to mind - one i don't like but one on offer anyway
listen... if you... if those things you saw are too much then-
then i could take them away... make it as if it never happened so you'd never have to know of those horrible things
/frightened that in time you'd come to suffer for the visions, that you might some day even dislike me for the lives i've taken, it makes me suddenly feel five times lonelier
but only with your permission, of course