ˋ❖ Lurking Library

@✞ jeonghan y。 The all too familiar comfort of having his boyfriend around caused a happy tingling up Kangjoon's spine, hands reaching out to the smaller man in hopes that he wasn't dreaming. His fingers froze mid-air as the moment lasted a second too short, dissatisfied grumbles threatening to spill past his lips as Jeonghan pulled away all too quick. But as the latter spoke, his eyes followed the other's actions with an incredulous look, ready to protest with his unending list of errands he had yet to complete.

"But-"

The finality in the smaller man's voice caused the words to catch in Kangjoon's throat as he proceeded to observe the underlying excitement in his boyfriend's bratty actions, a goofy smile finding its way to his lips. While fumbling to secure the pile of books in his arms, the older decided a break was long due - and Jeonghan had always been his perfect escape from the ineluctable reality of his busy life. Resigned to his fate and making a mental note of all the errands he'd have to reschedule for tomorrow, his feet dragged across the floor in mock exasperation as Jeonghan continued to pull him along.

"Where exactly are we going?"

As he sloppily set the books down on a nearby table, Kangjoon halted in his tracks and tugged back on the smaller's hand in protest, effectively causing the latter to stumble right into his expecting arms. Despite how happy he felt to have his lover physically here with him, the older couldn't help but feel a pinch in his heart at the realisation of the amount of time they had spent alone and stressed over their similarly packed schedules. The exhaustion that prevented him from seeking out Jeonghan after work all the time seemed to make no sense now, as his forehead rested on the back of the smaller's head, feeling the fatigue lift off his shoulders in an instant at the simple touch.

He brought the other's petite hands up to his lips, allowing them to graze against his knuckles as he pampered each one with a chaste kiss after. Something about the way they allowed this moment to be slow and quiet caused an overwhelming feeling of longing to wash over the man. His eyes slowly shut with his lips still pressed against the back of Jeonghan's hand, the prolonged silence breaking with the breathy sound of the words Kangjoon whispered under his breath, afraid to make too much movement; afraid to let go.

"I missed you."

[post deleted by owner]

@☾ kangjoon s。 It was Jeonghan's day -- or so he'd like to say it was.

He'd always try to claim it was his day, only to make himself feel better. His shift went on for too long and he's been tired for the past week or so -- maybe even the past month. Last night wasn't making his life any better, but it was just work, work, work for him that it managed to put him in a grumpy mood. Not only because he had no free time, but because his 'my day' ad libs aren't quite working in an attempt to raise his mood anymore. This was the only day he had to himself, so he decided to spend it at the library; a quiet place where he could escape.

A sigh seeped out from his parted pink lips, taking small steps as his eyes perused through the border of the books carefully. His vision grew blurry as he continued walking absentmindedly, some of the fonts of the book morphing together and messing with his head. The books he had in his arms, he clutched on them tighter, hugging them closer to his chest. He could hear footsteps creeping up behind him but he ignored it, clearly not in the mood. But despite that all, a huff pushed past his lips at the male's words.

"Fate? You must be joking," he paused with a roll of his eyes, "Besides, I don't think Tumblr is a viable source." Jeonghan muttered, peeking over his shoulder to shoot the male the most nastiest look he could muster before letting his expression soften at the sight of his lover. His gaze lingered on his small movements, watching him as he tugs his sweater back up to cover his exposed shoulder, only to watch it fall again right after. Instead, he bumped his forehead against Kangjoon's chest with a sigh, grumbling, "You're terrible to me." his voice muffled against his chest, inhaling the scent he missed before pulling away, the corner of his lips shifting upwards as he shoves the books into the male's arm, "I guess you'll be joining me for today." he spoke in a tone that wouldn't tolerate any protests as he links their fingers, turning around, and tugging on him to follow after him.

@✞ jeonghan y。 His hair a mess and walking sloppy, the drag of his shoes against the ground resounded loudly amidst the quiet atmosphere in the library as Kangjoon made his way through the entrance. It was a busy Thursday as it always was, errands piling up as he prayed in earnest that the speed of his day double. The library was a hasty stop he had decided to make amidst his packed schedule - a little special errand for a little special someone.

The fatigue of having been out and about since 7 that morning slowly started to settle in as his footsteps grew heavier through every bookshelf he combed, each futile search attempt for the book he had been looking for reflecting in the increasing slump of his shoulders. As he blinked furiously to rid the sting in his eyes - courtesy of squinting at each book title a little too intensely - he took a step back and readjusted his gaze to scan the room instead, only then noticing the emptiness of the library on a Thursday afternoon. Just as he tore his gaze from the sight, a familiar mop of brick orange caught his gaze and his eyes instinctively zeroed in on it, a giddy smile gracing his lips as his eyes traced the oversized knit barely hanging on to the man's delicate shoulders; the man's back alone enabling a spread of warmth in Kangjoon's chest.

"'Fate', Tumblr would call it."

Kangjoon suppressed the laughter bubbling in his chest as he was reminded of how common an occurrence this was, as well as the smaller man's response each time. The snarky remark laced with traces of fondness never ceased to make his heart skip a beat, as lips curved into the most perfect smile always accompanied it. Despite his mental attempt to play it cool and hide his excitement, the pleasant surprise to an otherwise mundane day willed his smile to grow wider as he approached the man. Catching sight of a familiar title present at the top of the pile of books seated comfortably in his boyfriend's arms as he did, Kangjoon couldn't help but sigh in amusement as fingers tug the slipping sweater back into place on Jeonghan's shoulders, knowing damn well it would slip right back down.

@☆ elizabeth o。 i doubt im really a saint. you’re either overplaying your bad qualities or underplaying your good ones.
/shaking my head, i watch you stand up and head to the books, and when you bring one to me my eyes almost scream how eager i am
/when you dump it in my lap, i let out a soft ‘oof’ before i readjust it on my lap, shifting to hold it a little better
/your fingers at my forehead draw my attention once more, eyes watching the little red tendrils before they’re gone, and so are you
aish... leaving me here... you know, that’s hardly ‘not going anywhere’ like you just said you werent gonna.
/almost like a kid complaining, i shake my head and mumble under my breath, rolling my eyes before i drag the book open in front of me
/for a little while, all is well, the only sound me turning pages after finishing reading them and soft murmurs as i work out outloud what’s being said in the book
/my thoughts stray to the mage after a little while of sitting on the earthy floor, wondering just how he’s going to take it all, what he’s going to say or do, and it hardly takes long before my thoughts are racing
/no longer able to focus on the book, ilet it fall shut as i lay back in the dirt and leaves, going over every possible scenario in my head and wondering which is true and which is not

@☆ jungkook j。 compared to me? you're a saint
/murmurs more to myself but its clear i'm being serious, wondering if perhaps you knew of the things i have done if you would still wish to believe in me or even want to be around me
i guess you're going to have to stick it out. wait and see what i do. though don't blame me if you get tired of me being around you
/having no words of comfort for you, i give you tough love as i was never good at that softer kind of thing anyway, it was always my brothers specialty and something i seemed to lack
good. that's all sorted then
/smiling at you once more i motion to the books that we've brought with us, nodding to you afterwards for you to look through them now at your own leisure
there's no time like the present for books and research. and you have a lot of catching up to do
/picking up one of the heavier books i ungraciously dump it in your lap, standing myself up afterwards and dusting my hands off on my long jacket
call me if you need me, alright?
i won't be far
/walking as if to step past you, i brush my fingertips gently over your forehead, murmuring something under my breath - a spell that ensures no matter how far you or i will be, that i'll be able to hear you
/scarlet swirls bloom over your forehead for a moment, disappearing up into your hairline before they're gone entirely, the act so quick its almost as if it never happened
/continuing my steps i walk closer to the barrier, looking out quietly over the hills and the mist rolling over them, my arms folded over my chest as i seem to be listening, as if waiting for something to happen

@☆ elizabeth o。 i know you never said you were. you act like im the good guy in every situation.
/the thought of me being the good guy makes me laugh, and i snort softly before shaking my head, rolling my eyes and looking away from you before the anxieties of the moment set in once more
/my eyes focus on you, wide and almost a little afraid, my lips pursing for a moment as nibble on my lip while you speak, and i dont know how confident i can be in your words
how can i trust that? plenty of people say they wont go, and then they do.
/my eyes search you, my gaze growing hard at the thought of being abandoned again, but i inhale deeply, my lips slowly gaping as i take in a deep breath
but liz--
/falling silent and cutting myself off once more, my eyes briefly fall shut from your fingers in my hair, probably one of the first signs of affection i've had for years, and i look up at you once more
/i stay quiet for a long moment once you pull your hand back, as if weighing my options, but i know i already would give you as many chances as i could, and after a moment i nod slowly
okay.
yeah. we can-- let's-- do this... yeah.

@☆ jungkook j。 yeah, well i never said i was a good guy now did i? far from it
i'm sorry if i gave you that image of me. its not true, not even in the slightest
/smiles a little sadly at you now, sighing when you look so naive still, so unknowing of the things around you that it makes me want to protect you even i if i have no right
hey hey hey-
calm down. breathe, jungkook. breathe
/presses a finger to my lips, motioning for you to listen to me for a moment whilst i shake my head, trying to reassure you i'm not going to disappear
of course not
you have a point. i don't really have a reason to help you other than perhaps some inkling of empathy for you that i thought had long died out. but here we are
at the end of the day... its my decision whether or not i help you. as it is yours whether or not you take my help and try work through things
/watching as you look away from me i give you a moment before i reach my hand out, gently placing it atop your head and feeling your locks beneath my fingers
i'm not anyone, i'm me. you're you and you can get through this
maybe not all at once, and its going to be hard, but don't you think its at least worth a try?
/trying to get you to look up at me i give you another small smile, pulling my hand back before i rest it on one of my knees, waiting quietly for you to say something

@☆ elizabeth o。 you've done something like that before? you've made... people...
/i cant bring myself to finish the sentence, unable to really fathom the idea that people do such a thing, but i look up at you for a long moment
im almost too afraid to know, liz.
/my voice is quiet as i sit before you, and when you poke the center of my forehead my eyes are wide, almost childlike in wonder as i sit there
i dont... i dont know how im supposed to feel about it all. i dont know what im supposed to do, how im supposed to do it, any of it.
/my gaze drops, a shaky breath inhaled before you nudge my leg, and i look up at you once more, offering a small smile in response to your own
you're not going to go, even though clearly there's something... wrong? something not right? you have no reason to help me in anything, liz. if anything, there's plenty of reasons why you shouldnt help me...
/for a moment, i hesitate, and my gaze falls once more as i smooth my hands over my thighs, and i mumble quietly while shaking my head
...why no one should help me.

@☆ jungkook j。 well... that's not possible, jungkook
/in answering you i find myself tapping into things from my past i would rather pretend never happened or that i simply never did but i know that's not possible
what i mean is, is that people's memories don't just get wiped away like a clean slate. people are made to forget, whether that's the brains doing because its easier to handle, or forcefully with or without your knowledge
i'm more accustomed to the later and i speak from experience of... doing it to people myself. but only in the past and for reasons i can't say right now
/sighing i shift a little on my spot, fiddling with one of the rings on my fingers before i lean back, my arms folding over my waist once more
my point is is that all your answers are in here
/presses a finger to your forehead, right in the middle of it before pulling my hand back once more, listening when you seem to blame yourself for lack of natural magic
stop blaming yourself
none of this is your fault. if anything you sound like a pawn in all of this, jungkook
as for why you are asking questions now... that might have a little to do with me getting under your skin. which i would be sorry about but it seems you really need to be doing some of your own soul searching
/giving you another small smile after i look over you, i nudge one of your legs with my boot, trying to get you to look at me for a minute
... but that doesn't mean you need to do it on your own
i'm not saying you're going to like the answers you find, no one usually does and ignorance is inevitably bliss but... you don't have to be alone for it
/regarding you for another moment my voice drops to almost a whisper, folding my arms over the tops of my knees, my chin propped atop as i peer at you
maybe you're not keen on witches, especially this one. but i won't let you go alone, not when i think you're in need of me

@☆ elizabeth o。 liz, what if--
/pursing my lips, i frown a little, unsure of just why these thoughts are coming up when i have no real ground to, why i've had no qualms about anything before
/chalking it up to the fact that i feel comfortable with you, that i know you know plenty of things about the world while i know essentially nothing, i nod once to myself
/unaware that i've started my sentence and just left you hanging, i snap my head up and quickly clear my throat, eyes wide as i continue my thought
what if my memory was erased? what if-- someone did something to make me forget whatever it is that's an answer to this.. this... i dont know...
/realizing im going nowhere with my thoughts, i shrug my shoulders and shake my head a little, once more my gaze cast up to you, but at this point a little desperate
i dont know, liz. i dont know. i dont know why he wouldnt want me to tell mother. i dont know why any of this is happening. i never had reason to wonder.
i didnt know people could do things like you've done. i want to be able to do that, but-- but why cant i? if im supposed to be from a family of magicians... why cant i?
/there's a clear sheen of anger underlying my words, the sudden feeling welling up in me enough that my face grows hot, and i hand my head after a moment
i dont know what to do.

@☆ jungkook j。 /tempted to tell you you'll feel differently when you come against that test later on, i just sigh softly to myself and let you think what you want now in your bliss of ignorance
you're asking me to go into your mind. whilst i've had glimpses into it already, its not been intentional. i can slip into your mind, yes. look around into your past... but i'm more used to damaging people
not actually going int to just bring back information to pass on
/when you come and sit in front of me i look at you quietly, tilting my head when you talk about your father and how you seemed to not be touched by magic
why would he tell you not to tell your mother if she was the one to take you to him in the first place?
you don't even seem happy to be given... this
/gestures to you vaguely, not wanting to use the word magic since it wouldn't be true as you don't have the skills required to use that term in regards to you
this whole thing just screams wrong to me, jungkook
and trust me. i know wrong
/touch at the grass we sit on i curl my fingers between the blades, glancing down at me doing that before i sigh and bring my gaze back to you
i can probably find out a lot of things that happened. if you let me i could kind of just see what happened through what memories you have
you'd be surprised how much more you know, but you just can't access
/motioning to your head i then prob my elbow on my knees, my chin in my palm as i drum my fingertips against my lower lip
it wouldn't be safe but its what i'm offering

@☆ elizabeth o。 i have been protecting someone, for years.
/shakes my head a little at the thought, not about to let myself get sentimental about things that i've done well not to care about, and i listen carefully to you
but that doesnt change much.
/slowly, as i manage to push myself off, i nibble lightly on my lip while looking you over, debating for a moment on telling you more
i know you're a witch. but--
is there any way you could tell if there was a curse on me. whether the mage did it or... or someone else, before him.
/pursing my lips, i take a seat in front of you, crossing my legs and resting my hands atop them
the point is-- my mom made me see him when i was young, 'cause i couldnt do magic. but im from a family of magicians. i'unno where my dad is, i never met him.
/shrugging a bit, i wave a hand dismissively, not wanting to linger too long on something before i speak up once more, but quietly
it was... i was 15 i think, when he did the ritual. he told me not to tell mother. i dont think it's all that bad...
/once more,i lift my shoulders in a shrug, frowning down to my hands, and its clear that even with my questions im hesitant to think ill of the mage

@☆ jungkook j。 what if that changed one day? you don't even know what'll happen by the time i'm done talking. people change, things change... you should be as prepared as you can
besides. you don't need a lot of people, you just need one. one person to care about - won't you want to protect them?
/when you mention feeling as if the mage isn't telling you everything it takes a lot in me not to snort at that, instead i try and listen to you to give you the benefit of the doubt
right. so he forced the magic onto you? makes sense...
/murmurs to myself as i stand by the tree where i left the books, folding my arms over my waist as i think about the things you've told me now
curses?
i'm a witch, jungkook. what do you think?
/motions for you to come over to me, sitting down beneath the tree and leaning my back against the trunk, pursing my lips together before i recall the latest thing i read about them
so... what? he did some weird ritual?
if he wouldn't even let you tell your mother... didn't that raise any red flags for you, jungkook? or are you not that close to your family?
/murmurs as i look at you, wondering as well just how young you were when he did this to you as well so i ask you instead
when... did this happen?

@☆ elizabeth o。 there's not many people i care about, liz. and no one really cares about me. its a life i live.
/shaking my head a little, i think to the few people i have close enough to me, and yet even then i know i cant be sure if there's anything that they would miss about me if it came down to it.
/its an unfortunate thought, really, when i think about it all, even down to the point that i dont even have friends, and though for the most part im fine with the lack of people, i know it gets lonely
liz, i just-- i just think there's something he isnt telling me.
/blurting out, i dont once tear my gaze from where im looking, my eyes wide and lips parted with the breath i take, and its a bit shaky as this is the first time i've voiced anything like this to anyone at all, and my voice is low as i continue
he tells me not to tell mother about what i've been doing with him. he-- he performed a ritual. he /gave/ me my magic, liz, i didnt learn most of this on my own. i can only do this because he ingrained it in me -- but not teaching.
not only that but-- but i feel like there's something he knows that the rest of us dont.
/whispering the last bit, i tear my gaze from the trees to watch as you get up, and i push myself up slowly, brushing my body free of dirt and debris
do you know anything about curses?

@☆ jungkook j。 there's no shame in fighting back, jungkook. what if some day someone you cared about needed you and you didn't act on it? you didn't even try?
its always so different when it actually comes down to it...
/mumbles as i speak so unfortunately from experience, looking up at the skies as i remember someone i lost, a long, long time ago now but the pain always feels fresh
you needed a lesson. but you didn't deserve the anger i had fueling it. that anger is reserved for someone else, not you. so i'm sorry it ever reached you
/tilts my head when you seem to be struggling with accepting an offer you seem to want but don't feel you're allowed, and i think i know why before you even say it
/sighs softly as you mention the mage, letting myself thump down onto my back against the grass, figuring looking at the sky and the trees is easier than your puppy expression
are you going to let him rule your life forever?
you're behind, you're... not being used to your full potential and its a waste
/telling myself that's still none of my business is probably one of the best but hardest bits of advice i need to swallow and allow to sink in
listen-
i'm not going to keep on offering you. i hate indecisiveness. it costs too much to keep around and ultimately is a big waste of time
so...
/sighing again i turn my head to look at you, frowning a little bit before i give you a small smile, perhaps the friendliest i can muster for now
so don't let a good opportunity slip through your hands
/as if to prove a point i begin to get up, pushing myself up and onto my feet, dusting myself off as i brush my fingers through the ends of my hair, giving you one more glance before i head over to my collection of books

@☆ elizabeth o。 if it comes down to it, i'd rather die a coward than die pretending i was better than i am.
/the words leave my lips as a whisper, the first real time i've admitted to something so outrageously true, especially to you, and i lay there, staring at the sky above me
i know im not strong. i dont know magic like i should. i'd rather die and be seen as a coward who took his beatings without fighting back than die and be seen as a fool that just wanted to be seen as high and mighty.
/my body throbs, and my eyes fall shut as if waiting for you to do anything more, but instead you're using your magic to heal me, and i open my eyes as each and every throb of sore muscle begins to fade
why be sorry? i deserved it.
/scoffing, i roll my eyes and shake my head, testing out my fingers and toes with little stretches and wiggles, pursing my lips as i look over to you finally
/its a moment before you move or say anything to me, and i blink a few times when you do i shift a little, turning my head to look at you a little more fully
liz...
/it takes me a minute to think on your words, on the offer you place before me, and i cant deny that i look up to you, that i want to learn from someone like you, and yet the image of the mage sits before me in my mind as i sigh and look away, almost ashamed
i dont think the mage would let me, if i ever asked him if you could teach me.

@☾ yongguk k。 Jisoo slips into the community library, soaking wet due to the heavy thunderstorm outside and she mutters to herself about how she might get sick from this but can't afford to get sick. "Perhaps I should try off," she says a little more loudly and glances around, finally noticing that she had walked into a library. This is definitely not an ideal place to go with you're drenched from head to toe but everywhere else seems incredibly busy and she really doens't want to get in other people's way. She looks around and then back toward the doors, peering through the glass and starts to contemplate if she should leave and not stay here. Jisoo doesn't want to risk ruining her favorite things, the books.

@☆ jungkook j。 /as you lay there, telling me you don't want to get up, i feel my hands curl at my sides, annoyed when you tell me you don't want to fight
no one wants to fight, jungkook. not really
/turning around the crimson coils writhe around my fingers as i walk over, standing right above your head as i look down at you, anger still inside of me as i know the last time i felt anger this much i didn't have the best result
what will you do if the day comes where someone who doesn't possess the same abilities as you decides they don't like you?
will you lay there like you lay in front of me now?
/hovering my hand out in front of you it seems as if i'm debating whether or not i want to harm you and prove a point or not
/closing my eyelids i will myself to stop, fingers stretching out at my sides before i let them sway down gently against my sides, taking a moment before i finally get control of myself once more
/looking down at you i seem to be seeing you for the first time since i did what i did, pressing my lips together before i kneel down
/hovering my face over your own i frown whilst looking at you, sighing as i hover my hands over your head, the crimson appearing against whilst i manage to heal the wounds i gave you, slowly but surely
i'm sorry
/murmurs as i finished, laying beside you on the grass instead, against my back as i look up at the leaves as well, seeing the stars twinkling just behind them in the gaps of sky
/i don't say more then that, as i simply can't, sighing to myself as i close my eyelids briefly, blocking out the light before i push myself up to lean on my elbows, looking over to you as i do so
if you want to learn, to really learn
then my offer to teach you is there. and i promise not to, you know
/gestures vaguely to my magic and having used it on you, allowing myself to lay back down whilst my hair splays out around me, looking at the sky again instead of you as i wait for an answer

@☆ elizabeth o。 you have no right saying those things!
/its clear my anger has risen once more, and just as im about to react to everything you've said, the things you've called me out on, there's a darkness that fills my eyes, one that can only be explained through whatever the mage himself had done
/all of a sudden, though, im on the ground, body sore and in pain, as i listen to you, groaning in an attempt to get up from the ground, dirt grinding into my skin
/i want to speak up, say something, anything, my anger boiling as i listen to you while your magic tosses me around, attacking me and causing pain to erupt almost everywhere, but i cant even seem to get my mouth open before another onslaught happens
/when i meet your gaze in the midst of everything, the darkness still rests in mine, but part of it seems to diminish upon the emotion riddled in your gaze, the tears that well up in your eyes as you look to me and teach me this lesson i clearly needed, somehow
/its only when im finally on the ground, rolled over onto my back, that i manage to catch my breath, chin grasped tightly and my gaze locking on yours while i try to assess my body, making sure nothing is broken, though im sure i'll have plenty of bruises, cuts, and scrapes
/panting quietly once im entirely released, i simply stare up at the trees above me, my body nearly falling limp while i just lay there, catching my breath and shaking my head
no. i dont want to fight.

@☆ jungkook j。 you're going to raise your voice at me again? tell me jungkook, how well did that work out for you the last time?
/mutters in response when you try and shove my shoulder, grabbing at your hand to stop you before i swing my other arm up, using the heel of my palm to ram into the inside of your forearm and no doubt making it ache
because you don't deserve to use magic
/its clear i have different answers, different reasons for why i'm possibly telling you you don't get to use your magic, for more than just the spar we're having now
/lifting my hands the ground trembles, my fingers flicking as tree roots begin lifting from the ground at your feet, threatening to knock you over and send you flying to your
because you're weak and look down on others you don't know
/coming at you again i perhaps unfairly use the vines to jerk the back of your knees, to send you down onto them in front of me, looking down at you as i use my boot to kick you in your stomach this time, watching you tumble back
/fingers shifting at my sides i use my magic to coil the fingers around your wrists and angles, your waist and even your neck, keeping a firm grip of you
because until you understand that you need to do more than read books from a person who doesn't care enough about you to even be here
/lifting you up into the air above me so you're looking down on me now, you might be surprised to find my own eyes filled with tears as its clear this has gotten a personal string inside of me and tugged on it, as you remind me of myself when i was a lot younger
but most of all?
/letting the words linger in the air, i tilt my head slowly to one side, the vines tightening just slightly before i have them drop you down on the ground at my feet, face first until i nudge you over onto your back
/reaching one of my hands out, i grip your jaw between my thumb and fingers, turning your face towards me as i harden my eyes and add on a little coldly
because i said so
/releasing you, vines and all, i straighten back up and wipe the back of my hand over my eyelids before i glance over my shoulder at you
get up. get up and fight

@☆ elizabeth o。 /with a roll of my eyes at you, i scoff a little, though its clear at this point that im merely teasing and now entirely angry, more bothered about being compared t a small dog than anything
physical?
/hardly getting the single word out, im shoved, and my eyes narrow as i stumble back and gain my balance once more, looking up at you
im not going to say anything about that.
/wiping my hands on my thighs, i have no intention of going after you, my gaze lingering on you as i scoff once more, this time in disbelief as you encourage me to come after you
listen--
/as your hand juts out and nabs me, the wind is instantly knocked out of me and i have to take a moment, stopping in my sentence before its even out of my mouth, and i look up at you once more, a hand on my stomach, only speaking once i've gained my breath back
no magic? why cant i use magic?!
/my tone is incredulous, though it only takes a moment before i realize what's happening, and quickly im backing up a few steps to avoid the vine coming at my feet
/hesitant, though angry, i reach to shove your shoulder, hoping to at least knock you off balance some, clearly not as coordinated as i would hope to be in this moment

@☆ jungkook j。 oh yeah. yeah i know you can hear me
/shrugs shamelessly at you after that, wondering if you had a point in saying those things since it doesn't make a difference to me, knowing i'd say it again to you in the blink of an eye
/looking back at you from the leaves i see the smile once more, tilting my head a little and it makes me think of a bunny, though i keep the thought to myself
no no
i mean physical
/without warning i shove at your shoulder, then again with the intent of irritating you, challenging you to defend yourself without magic first
come on
i'm sure you'd love to slam me after earlier
/recalling the library i lift my hands, making a 'come at me' kind of motion with them, something like an entertained little smile on my own face as i wait
/when you take too long i jut one of my hands forward, jabbing your stomach hard enough to probably wind you, stepping back before my fingers light up with my trademark crimson coils
before you try it, no, you don't get to use magic
unfair? don't like it?
then beat me
/flicking one of my wrists out i send a vine from one of the trees hurtling towards one of your ankle with every intent of wrapping around it and tugging you off your feet and right onto your backside, if it can get hold of you

@☆ elizabeth o。 i do hope you know i can hear you. im not deaf, in any way whatsoever.
/grumbling under my breath, i shake my head, clearly not pleased but not saying anything more about the situation before everything gets almost out of hand
do better...
/repeating the words after you, i nod slowly, further repeating the words in my mind to remind myself to do better, something i've always wanted and always push for, even to the extreme of going too hard, too much at once for myself
/when i drag my gaze up, you're looking up to the leaves and i follow suit, capturing my lower lip in my teeth to blink wide eyes, glad there's nothing more of an issue other than slightly burned leaves, and at your praise i seem to perk up a little
at least i did something right.
/offering a lopsided smile, i watch you for a moment, feeling a bit scolded for my emotions once more but saying nothing of it, glancing away only to whip my head back up at you, brows furrowing
self defense? yeah, i know self defense.
/hesitating, i shake my head a little to continue my sentence, my voice a little downcast as i clear my throat before speaking up a little
well, sort of. not with magic, though. i've never needed to learn it-- no one's tried to do anything like that to me. so the mage-- he never taught me.

@☆ jungkook j。 he says, yapping at me
/talks off to the side as if someone is there listening to me, looking back at you and after a moment i think i recognise that anger swelling inside of you all too well
/biting my tongue i stop myself from calling out to you again, counting down in my head instead to give you a time frame to reel yourself back in before i have to do it for you
/when you come back to me and get it under control i lower my hands and straighten up, sighing before i walk over to you and stop just in front of you
don't be sorry. do better
/they seem like hard words but there's wisdom to them, and i don't want you wallowing in self pity especially when you look like a kicked pup to me
maybe we shouldn't use fire though
/resting my palm against the back of my head i glance up, seeing a few of the tree leaves smoldered black but nothing burning thank god
/looking back at you i do know you did something well, something that some people, even the best magic wielders struggle to do at any point in their life
you stopped it. you stopped yourself before you did any real harm
there's hope for you yet
/stepping back i let my hands swing loose at my sides, my long coat swaying behind me as i circle you, coming to a stop in front of you again
but if there was any doubt about your emotions clogging up your magic then that should have just dispelled them
/letting that sink in i look at you with my blue orbs before folding my arms over my chest and suddenly ask
you know any self-defense?

@☆ elizabeth o。 oh, so you'll make me an uglier dog... nice, thanks for that. and im not yappy! there's not one things that's yappy about me.
/the thought of my mage once more comes to mind, eyes unfocused while i watch you, wondering why i've never been able to see someone at work with their magic, why i've never been taught by someone, and it has me growing angry once more
/at first i dont hear you, my eyes trained unseeing on the fire in my hand, the blue flames higher as my anger only grows, the feeling of abandonment burning in my chest much like the flames in my hand
/only when you speak so firmly, my eyes finally catching sight of the red of your hands, do i realize whats going on, the flame slipping to a purple before beginning to slide back to a red, and it takes a long moment of pure panic, finally getting the flame out and dropping my hands to my sides as i look to you
im.. im sorry...
/the first utterance of an apology to leave my lips for what is probably years slips past when i look up at you, almost like a kicked puppy

@☆ jungkook j。 maybe not. you're almost constantly frowning so maybe an big dog with an down turned face would be better. though you're still yappy like a small one
/as you just stare at me for such a long time i wonder if this is perhaps your first time seeing magic being used, which sounds ridiculous but its the only reason i have for you to look like that
yeah-
/as you start off good, i notice the change in colour of your flame, blue indicating its hotter than my own one which is naturally already more dangerous
/pressing my lips together i watch you before i see the flames growing higher and it doesn't look like have any control either, that you're too far gone to see what's happening
jungkook-
/calls your name sternly, hoping it snaps you out of your reverie and that you can actually hear me when i call out to you now
look at what you're doing
/ready to step in i push myself off of the tree behind me, coming closer to you now and holding up my hands, palms facing out as my fingers are highlighted with the red of my usual spells
that's enough

@☆ elizabeth o。 i think they look like hairy rats, just like chihuahuas. are you trying to tell me im a hairy rat?
/though its difficult to tell with just who i am as a person, especially with the lack of a smile or anything indicating so, i tease you with a roll of my eyes
listen, i was cofident. i was sure i was doing the right tjing. its not my fault i dont— dont know why i cant do certain things.
/though i hesitate, i do know, and i especially know its because of my wild emotions, but being brought up the way i was, i cant quite help it
/falling silent, i watch you, the fire in your palm fascinating before it splits off into five parts to hover over your fingers, and i blink a few times in awe
i can do that, yeah. no problem.
/for a moment i just stand there, blinking in pure awe over what you’ve done, never having essentially seen magic in action from someone other than myself
/shaking my head to clear it, i lift my hand in concentration, and shortly a ball of fire, a bit more blue than yours, comes to life over my palm, and i look up at you
like— like that?
/shortly after i speak, however, the fire is quick to grow, flames growing higher and dangerously close to flammable objects as i simply watch, unsure what quite to do in the situation

@☆ jungkook j。 but that's your opinion, someone could think those dogs are lovely. in fact lots of people do. that's why they own them
cheer up, russkiy
/teases you a little bit before you try explain the saying to me and i just tell myself that its one of those barriers between cultures i suppose i won't understand for a while but i get the gist of it
you shouldn't use spells on people unless you're absolutely sure they're going to work and you're confident in yourself. you could really cause someone harm you know
/explains as i take another step back, scuffing my heel gently against the ground before i shrug my shoulder, lifting up one of my hands and holding a small orb of fire in my palm
make one of these first
/with a sway of my hand and a wriggle of my fingertips the ball of fire parts into five separate ones, one over each finger and the last over my thumb
/blows out the flames before i fold my arms back over my chest, settling a little against the trunk of the tree i lean on, waiting for you to do as i've asked
but take your time

@☆ elizabeth o。 not all of them. some look like rats, others look like drowned rats-- and then others look like mops. so no, not all are lovely.
/grumbling to myself, i have no idea that you dont quite understand what i said until you speak, and lift my head to look at you with furrowed brows
not its-- its a saying. like whatever floats your boat. tickle your pickle is another one of those. it just means-- well, whatever makes you happy.
/shrugging, i pause with the realization that i have no idea what im doing or why im even trying to explain myself to you, shaking my head a little as i drag my gaze from the ground look up at you
i was-- trying to freeze you, yeah. stop you from walking away from me.
i just... tried...
/as you ruffle my hair, i purse my lips, eyes narrowing slightly, but there's a little bit of me that wonders if it really is because of my emotions that im unable to do these things that seem so easily
what-- what do you want me to do?
tell me something to do, and i'll do it.
/nodding once, i take a few steps back, and there's a little stab to my pride as you mention undoing my mistakes, though my narrowed eyes are pointed to the floor rather than to you this time