♡ seola x joonie ♡

@♡ hyunjung ♡ a soft chuckle falls off my lips, riding out the stress i have been feeling for months, due to our parting. i still can't believe this is happening, just so you know. i whisper, stroking your belly gently just to smile as i picture what our life would be with another little one. my eyes fall on our daughter, letting out a quiet chuckle as she comments she can't hear the baby. my love, the baby is too small still, but soon you will get to see the baby moving, yes? our princess' head gently smiling before she gives us a grin and a firm nod. i peek over at you, the soft smile still wavering in my lips before i bring the food closer to you, stroking your thigh carefully and now you, please have some. i can't afford you getting sick, and we are talking to your job tomorrow, if they're too keen on being...mean- i peek over at our daughter, making sure i'm not cursing in front of her before my attention flies back to you. if they are mean, we're sending in your resignation, we will look for something better together, yes? i want you to focus on eating properly and resting, first i whisper, pressing a gentle peck to your temples.

@✧ namjoon ✧ i love you too, namjoon. and yeah, i always feel the need to thank you, no matter how many times you tell me /not/ to thank you. just accept it, it'll be easier that way. i say teasingly, closing my eyes for a few moments once you kiss my forehead, saying those comforting words that warm my heart so much, making me want to just hold you close to me forever. i open my eyes once you say that this was a surprise, a quiet chuckle leaving my lips at the statement. yeah, i bet. but i think it's just what we need, don't you agree? all those sleepless nights, the crying - it's all going to come back in just a few months. i say, sighing playfully under my breath. i'm kidding, i can't wait to meet our mini bear. i know, i know! i know you're not getting together with me because of the baby, you aren't that kind of a person, namjoon. and i love you too. i mumble, pressing a soft kiss onto your chest, smiling a bit when you ask me about how far along i am. they said a month and a half straight! so not really there yet, but yes. ah, my heart. i really, really missed this. i missed us and our little happy family.

@♡ hyunjung ♡ my brow raises as i hear the words coming from your lips, a bit confused. and what are you thanking me for? asks as my big hand comes up to your cheek, caressing your features carefully you know i love you, you don't need to thank me, at all mutters under my breath. i know you have a hard time expressing yourself, i don't press for it as long as you're here, that's all that matters whispers and pecks your forehead hoping that would help ease your thoughts. this mini bear was a surprise- honestly i wasn't expecting this mutters under my breath letting my eyes fall to your still flat belly a smile shaking up my lips only to panic as i look up at you into your eyes im not getting back together with you because of the baby... i love you, please know that hyunjung mutters softly as i nod slowly. nods slowly though as long as you're happy im happy i just want to come home to your arms, honestly thats what i missed the most these months mutters softly and pecks your lips how far along are you? mutters under my breath. blinks when i see a smaller hand resting on your belly having me laugh softly. hi princess whispers softly as she smooches your belly as well copying my actions. pecks the top of her head humming softly exactly, thats how we treat the baby bear thats growing in mommy, gentle, alright? whispers softly and smiles fondly at our daughter

@✧ namjoon ✧ thank you, namjoon, it really means a lot. even though i sometimes don't show like it does mean a lot, you should know that it means more than anything to me in the whole world. and i will try my best to communicate better with you, i can promise you that at the very least. i say, looking at you as you wipe away the remaining tears from my face with your thumbs, holding so much affection and love for you that i feel like my heart will burst out open with all the feelings i am feeling for you, smiling softly at you as you peck my nose and say that. yes, the mini bear needs to grow. yes, we learned what not to do and we can do better from now on. we can do this, namjoon, i know it. we just needed a little push and we're going to do great, i know it. i say, nodding my head lightly a few times as i try to reassure both you and myself that we can do this, i have hope that we can. i will focus on our little family, yes. but i will also be there when you need me, okay? you can't do that all on your own, i am here to help too. i smile yet again as you peck my forehead, chuckling softly as you kiss and talk to my belly, sighing in content, feeling over the moon.

@♡ hyunjung ♡ kisses your temples carefully as i hear you confirm me that i'll be there, head nodding slowly. don't worry, i'm here to protect the three of you. this time around there's nothing that can break us apart. though i'd like you to communicate with me a bit more, hm? i call out softly stroking your arm up and down carefully. carefully lets my thumbs wipe away the remaining tears hanging from your red puffy eyes, head shaking slowly. well then, we gotta change that because it's not healthy for you or for that mini bear inside of you, hm? pecks your nose gently before i hum softly. it's okay, that's in the past i don't want to go over there again, let's learn from that and move on, hm? our princess deserves to be happy too she was the one who was suffering more with all of this. i don't want you to blame yourself over this, i had fault in this too, i wasn't comprehensive enough nor did i try hard enough to understand you, you know? tilts my head trying to see your features clearly. don't blame it on you alone because that's nowhere near true and you know that. we were both wrong on this, and we were stupid for thinking we could be without each other. it just shows how stupid human beings can be. i don't want you to stress over the past nor the future. i want you to focus on our family, leave the rest for me hm? pecks your forehead carefully and peeks down at your belly quietly for a moment as a gentle smile rests on my lips, carefully fist bumping your baby bump. and you, grow healthy, hm? moma, dada and your older sister are all eager to meet you.

@✧ namjoon ✧ i watch you as you raise your eyebrow at the information i give you about the appointment, worrying my lip between my teeth as you continue saying how you want to be there, feeling kind of guilty because i wanted to keep this away from you, nodding my head lightly. yes, nothing can break us apart, namjoon, heh. and i love you too, babe. i will let you be there, of course! you don't have to worry about that. i say, humming under my breath as i say that. i sob my heart out as you sit me down onto your lap, hiding my face into your neck as i cry, holding onto you as if i'm afraid you'll leave me. when i finally calm down, i look at you, my eyes red and puffy from the crying before i chuckle under my breath once you say that. nothing's wrong. everything is perfect, namjoon. it's just my brain and my way of thinking. i am really sorry for leaving you alone like this, for doing that to us due to my own insecurities. it wasn't my place to do so and if i could go back in time, i would have never done that to you. to us. i sigh deeply, looking away from you, ashamed that i have done such a stupid mistake to us.

@♡ hyunjung ♡ i raise a brow at the information you just provided to me, quite surprised to hear it was so early. i don't have to, but im not doing it because i have to its because i wnt to, do you not understand that? how many times do i have to tell you tht i love you and nothing can break us apart, hm? snorts, rolling my eyes upon hearing your comment. then if it is our child, let me be there, i'm the father of that little one, i want to be there, i want to see them grow the way we saw our princess grow, together, tht's how things are supposed to go. i mutter under my breath. a frown covers my features at your sudden outburst having me sigh softly before i eye our baby. love, can you give mama and papa a minute? calls out softly to her who obediently runs into her room, having me hold you close to me, even going as far as bringing you to the couch and sitting down with you on my lap, pulling you to my chest. it's okay, let it all out. we can talk later mutters, sighing quietly as i realize you must've been under a lot of stress these past months considering that's around the time we split upand you kept this as a secret. im not mad at you, for keeping that little one as a secret, im not mad at anything, as long as we're together and you lean on me, im not mad. i call out pecking your forehead gently. raises a brow leaning back to look at your features. hormones my , what's wrong?

@✧ namjoon ✧ it's tomorrow, actually. i murmur as you ask me when is the next appointment, not believing i already kind of forgot that it's tomorrow, realizing just how stressed i was about all of this. namjoon, you don't have to do this, really. i know it's our child, but i don't want to bother you. i mumble below my breath, biting into my lower lip as i worry about all of this once again. i didn't, no, but still. i don't want to feel like i am a burden to you. things have not been okay between us and i feel like we have a lot to go through together still but then again, i wouldn't want to bother you, you know that. smiles softly as you kiss the top of my head, shaking my head lightly. no, you two are the cuties and that's the final answer. i relax as your hand rests on my back, stroking up and down, relaxing me even more as i sigh under my breath, finally letting go of some of the stress, feeling like i want to cry all of a sudden. i- i'm sorry, i have to- i manage to say before sobbing out loud once you say all of those things, feeling guilty yet again as i let out all the tears that i have been holding back, realizing just how much i hurt you, hurt our princess and us, in general. i i informed them. i say through the tears, sobbing as i try to calm down. sorry, it's just the hormones. i lie in an attempt for you to let go of this so i don't have to cry even more.

@♡ hyunjung ♡ my eyes fall on you once you announce you aren't hungry, getting me worried for a moment before i sigh. when's the next appointment? i really wanna be there mutters softly, reaching for your hand to gently squeeze it before nodding slowly. a shrug of mine follows your question as i have no idea how to answer it just for me to calmly call out; i'm just stating that you're staying with me, no matter what. i want to be responsible for you and the baby... you didn't make it alone, did you? raises a brow at your sudden confession only to place a kiss to the top of your head as i smile, sighing softly mom is a cutie, isn't she princess? turns to our daughter, asking her softly before hearing her chuckle and nod her head. my hand rests on your back carefully stroking it up and down. i missed this too, though. i missed holding you at night, especially i end up having headaches because i can't sleep since you're not there. i admit, looking at our daughter who comes running to us with her hands clean; laughs quietly at her cute actions. well done, princess. shall we set the table? asks her softly, arms still protectively wrapped around you as i hum. i think uncle jin left some of your favorite on the fridge. peeks at you before pressing a kiss to your forehead and even if you're not hungry, miss, we need to get that baby the nutrients. also, did you think about informing your job about the little one yet? tucks some hair behind your ear, tilting my head a bit

@✧ namjoon ✧ watches you two with a small but fond smile on my face before chuckling softly under my breath as she stops crying altogether once i tell her that princesses don't cry, shaking my head lightly just at how cute she is being. there's our precious princess! exclaims excitedly to lift up everyone's mood, inhaling deeply as you say that we are going to eat, not having the stomach for it - but i knew better than to disobey you and it was not good for the baby either way. okay, we're getting some food even though i am not hungry. i say, making it known that i am making progress with that, obliging to eat even though i am not hungry and i wanted you to know that so you could be proud of me, something i loved the most; i smile as i peck your lips back every time, laughing softly as i pull away lightly once i hear what you are saying. hm? where would i even go, namjoon? you're so silly. teases you, a teasing smile on my face as i nudge your ribs real gently and carefully with my elbow before hugging you back as gently, pecking your chest a few times. mm, i missed this. i missed your scent and you in general. and most of all, i missed us. i missed us so much, namjoon. i mumble against your chest, burying my head into your chest as if i want to stay here forever and ever and even more than that, not wanting anything to ruin our happiness ever again - which was impossible because as far as we both know, there is always something or rather someone that could possibly ruin us. but we don't have to worry about that, i think to myself as i sigh happily into your chest, hugging you a bit closer to myself as i think about that.

@♡ hyunjung ♡ leaves a gentle kiss on her cheek as she rubs her eyes and pulls away hearing you comment over how princesses dont cry. chuckles softly at the pout resting on her lips as she looks at you and her soft ''okay mama'' pecks her forehead. hm how about we go wash our face and then come eat something with mama since mama hasn't eaten today yet, hm? i ask to our little princess who nods her head. i calmly place her down and chuckle watching her run to the bathroom to wash her face. then, i turn to you and tilt my head. and you, we are getting you some food, missy. mutters leaning down to peck your lips a couple times. i missed you a whole lot, please tell me you dont have anything to do for the night, i want to spend it with you. i ask frowning a bit as my hand comes up to your cheek gently sighing softly. i really dont want to let go of you tonight, hyunjung. whispers hugging your thin frame against me, smiling to myself at the thought of the little baby inside you.

@✧ namjoon ✧ yes, we are both to blame for what happened between us in the end because who ever made it happen we were the ones who brought the decision about living separately in the end. hums under my breath, shaking my head lightly as i think back to the fights and the exact words that are still stuck in my head from those times. i shake my head once again as you tell me not to worry about your parents, but me being me, i can't help myself exactly when i just want to protect both you and our princess, especially from your parents - i can take whatever they have to say, but i won't let them trample you nor our princess or our baby, but i sigh softly as i decide to agree with you, wanting to see how this all will work out. okay, namjoon, but if anything happens let's please try to think first before saying anything we know we would regret, yeah? i try, not wanting anything bad to happen but if i don't say this, i am afraid of what's to come. seokjin is the best, i swear. i say, chuckling under my breath before kissing you back gently, blinking once you pull away just to smile as i see our princess hugging your legs. oh, princess! no crying, remember what mama said? princesses don't cry, ever! i try to , a small pout on my lips as she cries anyways, but what comforts me is that you're holding her in your arms and that already makes me feel safer and happier for all four of us. a good start of a new, better era, if you will.

@♡ hyunjung ♡ I cant solemnly blame you, princess. you know I was stressed too and in not the best at anger management. rubs my nape thinking back how I could've been more down to earth and tried to fight for us. my eyes find yours knowing your head is spinning around with the words I just said. dont worry about my parents, I'm serious. I call out softly sighing quietly before nodding slowly. everything will go well, just dont leave me. I dont think I can stand going through the same thing again, it's hard to cope with everything when you're not around. I felt so helpless the other day when our princess cried on my chest– a loud snort comes from my lips baby, he wouldn't even let me put together a sandwich for her. he would be like oh, you know kids are supposed to grow up and blah blah blah and this is important for their development snorts and shakes head slowly. I swear he's a nice friend but he also nags a lot whispers nodding slowly. I really missed you whispers softly against your pair before pulling you into another kiss, smiling softly at the fact you're that much smaller than me for a moment not caring for anything else but the fact you're here with me which makes me feel quite happy and relieved seeing life as a single parent is definitely hard in more than one way. my focus suddenly shifts to something else as I feel a pair of arms wrapping around my legs leading me to break the kiss. eyes fall on the little child standing by us, hugging our legs. I let out a soft breath between a chuckle and a sigh, drawing my arms from around you to instead pick our daughter up. looks likes the sneaky bean number one has been eavesdropping mama and papa, hm? eyes her a bit seriously obviously playfully as I'm not mad, a bit surprised to see her bump her head against my chest and cry. baby rubs her back gently, eyeing you just to chuckle. are you happy? tries to peek at our little princess, making a face to try to cheer her up.

@✧ namjoon ✧ i know you would have pressed more if you knew, that is maybe the reason i have not told you about it because i was scared, you know? i didn't know where we were standing as a couple anymore after the things that happened and yeah, i guess it is all my fault - that we haven't talked all of that over and if we had, we could have been together more sooner than this. i say, an apologetic smile on my face as i think about it before nodding my head lightly as i agree to what you're saying. okay, no thinking back, promise! yes, we go slow, take baby steps and we'll be back to a new normal for us, that is all that matters. i hum under my breath as you talk about your parents, biting into my lower lip as you say a few things i don't think i can see you going through, but i say nothing because in the end, they are your parents and even though i pity you for ending up being their son, i can't say much because even though they act like this around both of us, they're kind of still your parents and i wouldn't want to disrespect them even though they do not deserve yours nor my respect for all the things that happened because of them and their opinions and thoughts. hey, hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves, hm? we'll deal with what we have to when the time comes, okay? we can do this, we're both strong and we're even stronger together. i say, laughing softly as you mention seokjin, your friend. well, i guess i'll have to call him to thank him that he wouldn't let you feed our princess with just sandwiches. and he's not done with that, you know him - he's like a mother to you. i say, laughing once again at the memory of seokjin, a nurturing hyung to you. blinks slowly as you run your finger over my bottom lip, heart beating even faster at this rate as you lean down and press your lips against mine, my eyes shutting close as soon as your lips made contact with mine, leaning in closer to your body as we kiss, my hands around your waist since i can't reach your neck because you're way taller than me.

@♡ hyunjung ♡ i would've pressed more if i knew you wanted to be with me, hyunjung. i mutter softly, thinking back for a moment ovre what we went thrugh and the horrible breakup we faced knowing it culd've been avoided. you knw, i dont think we need to think back over what happened, we might have to focus on what we are doing now, on who we are and...well, we will see how it goes, hm? i continue speaking, gently holding you within my arms as i nod slowl. a soft smile rips my lips as i recall the sleepless nights, head nodding slowly definately. we did it once, i dont see why we can't do it again. id like those to happen, honestly. its not thewho ahve to like you, its definately not them who married you, that's the thing. i couldn't care any less, they can disown me for all i care, honestly. what's the point of living the life they want me to live when this is the life i want to live? we have our princess, i have you, what else can i ask fr? it's hell without you, i'm really lost. and- well jin is done with the whole bringing me food thing- snorts quietl at the thught. he wont let our daughter eat the sandwiches i make either- it's pretty funny when you think of it, he's always around like just heat this up, and add this. it's quite funny, for reals. mutters softly, head shaking slowly before i haer you speak, happy with the fact we are finally working things out after all this time. i want you to stay as well, close to me runs my finger over your bottom lip. a soft chuckle escapes my lips at the small actions of yours, finding them adorable now seeing you in a new light i finally lean down and press my lips against yours gently, feeling nervous as well seeing it has been a while ever since the last time we acted like this

@✧ namjoon ✧ i know it doesn't change anything, i just wasn't in the right mindset because of everything that has been happening and that has happened between us and i want you to know that it wasn't my decision or anything like that, i didn't want to be separated from you like this but it needed to be done because it wasn't good between us and i don't think we've made the right choice thinking back to it now, we could have chosen a better path for all three of us, well, four now. i say with a soft chuckle, shaking my head as i tell you honestly what i think for the first time about us being separated like this, not knowing how you'll take it when i think about it. of course you're the father, i just didn't want to add more oil to the fire and i couldn't exactly keep it all to myself because you are the father in the end, so yeah, it kinda came out on its own. but i'm happy it did. and oh lord, i forgot about the crying and the sleepless nights... do you think we'll be able to do it once again, all over from the start? i conclude, smiling softly at you before nodding to everything you said, agreeing to every single little thing. i know but still, namjoon. i know your parents don't like me nor do they like us being together and i am sure, i am so damn sure that they will try to come between us once again, if not multiple times. i am so scared because i don't want them to decide if we'll be separated or not. i don't want a life like that, not for our princess and our unborn baby. if it was just me, i'd be fine, taking on that stress and trying to be positive, but our kids don't deserve that. i just want everything to be okay, namjoon. i say, pouting slightly to myself as i look down at the floor, shaking my head lightly with a soft sigh leaving my lips. i will stay with you, because that's what i have been waiting for all this time. i say, looking into your eyes as you lean closer, my heart beating so fast and loud that it feels like it will jump out of my ribcage, the butterflies in my stomach still there, even after all these years we've spent and been together. i lean in even closer to you, but not fully - waiting for you to meet me halfway as i lean up on my tippy toes, slightly nervous and extremely shy, for whatever reason.

@♡ hyunjung ♡ eyes you softly as you speak, not sure what to believe anymore as lately we really haven't been managing to sit in the same page let alone have a proper conversation. i release a soft sigh, shaking my head slowly. we both know things aren't working out, not the way i wanted to at least and i admit, ssometimes my pride gets the best of me, but that doesnt change the fact i love you, nor the fact im the father of- a soft smile crosses my lips as i look at your belly whatever this little bean is whispers softly, stroking your skin in amazement, heart racing at the thought of another little one, feeling happy with this knowing we were blessed. and why werent you gonna tell me? i'm the father, aint i? i want to be there for you, and for them- mutters softly nibbling my bottom lip. i dont care about my damn parents, they can go flip their toes, hyunjung, i just dont want to stress you out, they dont matter, not when we- look, we had everything, okay? i'm so mad they came in between what we had because , coming home to you was my favorite thing ever, now i come home to an empty house when our princess is around and its hard to sleep, its hard to even cope with the silence, i hate it so damn much. my parents barely care for me, do you see them here? did you ever hear them calling? sighs quietly as i stand up. they cared about the business, they didnt want me to take my focus elsewhere but i want this. i want this life, i want that baby- i want everything, i wouldnt trade it for the world. the sleepless nights, the endless crying. i suddenly smile at the memory of you half asleep on my chest with our princess knocket out after a long hour of crying. yeah, for my family im definately soft. whispers, stroking your cheek with my thumb. i really want this, please stay with me i wont let them come in between us again, i promise, please lean on me. frowns leaning closer to your features only to stop a couple inches away, nervously in case youd feel uncomfortable

@✧ namjoon ✧ yes, i am really serious namjoon. why would i joke about that? i ask, shaking my head lightly as you don't seem to believe me because i've lost quite a lot of weight since i have been stressing out and not eating well or not eating at all at times, which was worrying me too, not only the people around me but me too, even if it did not seem that way at times. i look up at you as you say that we're moving in together once again, only until the baby is born, surprised that you actually want to do this. knowing you as a person, i knew you would suggest something like this, but not this soon and this quick, making me frown as i hear you saying the word hate and you in the same sentence. hey- i don't hate you? what the heck, namjoon? i ask, suddenly not crying anymore as the anger and disbelief fill in my system and the sadness and distress leave at that ridiculous sentence of yours. i wasn't going to tell you, you know. i wasn't going to tell anyone but i guess i got so mad that it just exploded right out of me. i mumble as you hug me close to you, mumbling against your warm and sturdy chest. wait, what about your parents though? i ask, pulling back slightly as i worry about your parents and what they would have to say to this situation, which isn't ideal for them nor my parents, but your parents are much stricter than mine anyways so i have to worry. i smile as you peck my forehead and nose, closing my eyes for a moment or two to just enjoy the soft kisses i have missed oh so dearly. i can't just not stress, you know that. i say, shaking my head with a light chuckle before my cheeks go red and my heart beats so much faster once you kneel down and talk to the baby in my tummy and as you sneak a gentle kiss just under my belly button, making me melt as you say that you love the baby. you're so soft, namjoon. i mutter out loud, not on purpose and before i could stop myself, my cheeks turning even more red because i said it out loud - thinking that today worked out better than i had in mind, after all the fighting we did today.

@♡ hyunjung ♡ never in a million years did i think id hear such words fly out of your mouth, especially considering we weren't exactly on good terms the last time we were together. i frown, trying my hardest to understand what your words meant only to have my lips parting, in surprise, eyes falling on your quite flat belly, surprised as i've accused you of not eating, i could never tell you were pregnant. wait...are...are you serious right now? i whisper, excited but at the same time worried seeing our relationship has gone downhill the past months. - i whisper under my breath, heart racing knowing im happy with the news but also worried.... i don't ing care if we aren't together right now, until that baby is born, you're moving in with me, hate me all you want but i'm not letting you go through this alone- i mutter, biting my lip to hold back a smile. my arms bring you closer to me, in a firm tight hug. i know this isn't the ideal situation but this happened for a reason, you know? that baby will be loved and cared for the same way our princess is, and i'll work harder to be a better father and to help you as much as i can, okay? whispers, leaning back to cup your cheeks, wiping your tears away. don't stress over anything, im here hm? shows off a soft smile, leaning in to peck your forehead and nose, stopping myself from kissing your lips even though i want to do so so bad. my hands then rest on your hips, having me kneel down in front of you, heart racing at the thought of another life being created inside of you. and you, sneaky little bean, dont stress mama too much, okay? i'll be here to help as much as i can mutters, pressing a gentle kiss under your belly button. i love you, okay? thank you for existing, that makes me really happy.

@✧ namjoon ✧ well it sounds like you're trying to say exactly that so, i start, keeping myself from saying anything else that would just end up with us fighting and arguing even more than we already are, sighing under my breath as i listen to you, not wanting to fight over this matter at all. i knew it was stupid, slipping up like that in front of our child, but i had much more pressing matters on my mind and i couldn't exactly tell anyone. i half listen to you and half not, feeling slightly tired from walking today, from worrying and from all the arguing and bad words we just said to each other, half of them not even being real, just an insult to each other so we would snap out of it, kinda, but me more in the end. listen, namjoon, i,, at times you're so d d dense and this just happens to be one of those times. i am saying that our princess might get a sibling, namjoon. i say, trying to lean back to look at you and see your reaction first hand as i tell you directly, the tears staining my face as i watch you, slightly calmer than before, knowing i overreacted with everything today but i am blaming it on the hormones. i swallow the lump in my throat as you say that you love me, wanting to cry again because after all this time and after all the toxic fights we used to have you still love me and you are willing to take me back and i do just that, i start crying again, hiding my head onto your chest, sobbing my heart out as my emotions get the best of me once again, stuttering through my tears. w w w we can d do this. i reassure both myself and you with the same exact words you used, only making myself cry more because this is the most support i have gotten since we decided that we should live separately for the time being, clenching my fists into your shirt, not wanting to let go of you ever.

@♡ hyunjung ♡ im not saying you're stupid, i just want you to take care of yourself, actually look after yourself. hyunjung, look at you. i mutter, frowning as my grip tightens on you pulling you closer to me, my hand carefully rubbing your back just to firmly bring you closer to me as you try your best to pull away dont do this, let me be there for you, if not as your lover, at least as your friend, as a stranger, as someone you find comfort in, just as something, dont push me away. i ask softly, frowning as i dip my head a bit, leaning closer to your ear. its okay, cry it all out. i mutter, rubbing your back as you suddenly break down in tears, making me worry. once again, i dont pick up on your hint, confused. what about our princess, what's wrong. did she say something? did my parents say something to you? i ask, suddenly worried my parents had decided to go extreme and contacted you which makes me feel sick. did something happen? i continue to ask, hoping you would continue so i can help somehow knowing i feel pretty useless and powerless at this moment seeing i have no idea what's going on. i sigh softly, hoping my embrace would comfort you. look, you can trust me, okay? i know i'm really ed up too, i know i put a lot of pressure on you and i know this wont change a thing but i really love you, okay? i mutter, leaning back to cup your cheeks. i want nothing but you to be happy, alright? i mutter, stroking your wet cheeks gently. definately not with me, i only know how to hurt you i mutter smiling a bit the smile showing how hurt i actually am. you deserve someone who treats you better, who knows how to appreciate you and i really hope you found that someone, but i also hope you can let me help. i know its really hard for you, it's as hard for me, but we can do this, okay? whatever happened, i know we can do this for our princess, hm? carefully wipes the tears away from your eyes before pulling you into a tight hug. but what about our baby, what happened? i ask again, hugging you to avoid looking itno your eyes in order to control myself.

@✧ namjoon ✧ and you think that i don't want to work this out? damn it, we're both adults and we're not acting like we are, not even one bit and that has been bothering me for a while since we separated. i say, my heart skipping a beat or two as you say that deep down you still love me, the fact that we are separated and in this fight at the moment stops me from saying that i love you too - a bad habit i have to get rid of - i sigh loudly, rubbing my temples for a moment there. look, i know! i know a smile won't cover it up, okay? i know, i'm not stupid, namjoon! so stop making me look like i am stupid! and i know i'm acting childish but the last time i checked, so are you! so what's the big deal? i'm not the only one acting this way, we're both hurting her. why is all the blame on me, namjoon? i ask, feeling so broken inside, my heart hurting as i do realize that my actions haven't been the greatest and have not been helping anyone at this point, it's gotten too far for me to just turn back and go back to being the person i was before we decided to separate. i hold back my tears and my cries, shaking my head a few times as you seem not to realize that i said i am pregnant again, not wanting to tell you in the end after this fight. but as you take the step closer to me and wrap your arms around me, i break and my resolve to be calm and not cry at all breaks too. namjoon, stop! don't do this! i say through tears, telling you to move away because i start crying as soon as you hug me, the embrace feeling so comforting and so warm that it makes me cry because i miss it, i miss all of this - i think to myself. i can't... i mumble, my chest heaving up and down as i cry, squirming to get out of your embrace. let me... go... i mutter, sobbing so painfully as i try my best to calm down, pushing at your strong chest to just let go of me, but i know you won't let go. n n namjoon, our baby, i start, not sure how to continue exactly through the tears.

@♡ hyunjung ♡ your words once again catch me by surprise as i hear you, head shaking, ready to burst when i suddenly remember the way our princess cried on my chest the night before. i sigh quietly trying to calm down just to see you taking a step back, knowing we are drawing more distance between us as if to state a point, to see who could come off as the strongest, something i hated about us from the beginning. look, i wanna work this out, i dont want to argue over this anymore. i speak, feeling my face heat up due to the anger im feeling, well aware that this fight is far from over, especially with the way you're responding to me. i don't want to be in a place i know i'll end up blowing up her day. you can paint me whatever way you want but you know, deep down i still loveyou. and im mad, hell, no, im furious that you're behaving like this. i dont care if you throw all the blame on me but look at yourself for 's sake. i point out, raging at this point. you think a smile will cover up the wayyou look? even i that dont see you that often can see that you're not eating properly. shes not stupid, she catches up to things easier than you think. i warn you, wanting to snap at you just when i hear something that doesnt make quite a lot of sense in your sentence, noticing the way you seem so panicked by it. what- i mutter under my breath, frowning as i cant seem to be connecting the dots correctly. what? i ask again, staring at you with a quite stupid look on my face. what do you mean? for a moment, all the anger had washed away from me, for some reason. i cant seem to breathe correctly as im not sure what those words actually mean so i just stare at you correctly what little bean? i mutter, honestly not even coming across the thought of you being pregnant, just realizing you're definatell not talking about our daughter by the way youre so panicked. what are you even talking about? i frown more, still very confused with the situation, gaze softening as i seeyou crying knowing that was the last thing i wanted to happen. hyunjung, what the heck is happening, what aren't you telling me? i finally ask, sighing as i step closer to you, hating to see you in such state, bringing you close to my chest, arms firmly wrapped around you as i'm actually growing concerned over you seeing you're crying in front of me, something you hated doing. we might not be a couple anymore but for once, let your ing pride go and let me help. i mutter, holding my breath as i gulp down. is your boyfriend not treating you well? is it your family? job? what's wrong? i mutter, feeling my heart race at the thought of you with someone else.

@✧ namjoon ✧ i take in a deep breath as you start throwing such harsh words at me, wounding my heart so deeply with some words - but i do know somewhere really deep that those words needed to come out of your system because if we're being honest, they were just waiting to tip over your lips and they were eager to see the light of the day once, and today was just that day. i take one step back too, in shock at you mentioning the court and you taking full custody, forgetting how to breathe for a moment or two, thinking i will either puke my soul out or faint just here and now, but i manage to hold it in as well as the tears that threaten to spill from my eyes, but i am stubborn and i am not weak and i will not let you see me crying over this - i will cry on my own later when i'm alone, as i usually do. excuse me? i AM taking good care of her! you can't just say something like that when you don't even know what's happening when she's with me, okay? that's,, you stepped over a line, namjoon! and i am taking care of myself, okay? i am. i don't need you to believe me, whatever. just... i start, the words you said just repeating themselves in my head, making me so damn dizzy to even think or talk straight, but i collect myself and continue what i was about to say. you have no damn right to tell me that. i do not care how the relationship is between us but i am NOT taking it out on our kid and you know that well. i know i haven't been myself lately but these words really hurt, namjoon. she doesn't see me without a smile on my face, i am doing my best and i know she's sad because we're separated, i know that. i know that too well. i say, stopping myself from saying anything that would be too toxic and damaging to the both of us and our kid, scoffing and rolling my eyes as you hand me the tickets and tell me to just take someone with me because you're not going, making me fume with anger. what's this bull? you're not going? do you know what that will do to her? and here you are, giving ME lessons about parenthood while YOU yourself know nothing about it. and here i thought that we could set the record straight and at least try to be better parents with this little bean. i say, eyes widening as i realize that i might have indirectly told you that i'm pregnant, which i didn't want to do just yet, not when we're fighting like this, cursing at myself mentally, trying to think of anything else to say so i could cover up the fact that i am pregnant with our second child. ah, what i meant was that we should.... try being better parents to our princess, yeah. i say, wiping the tears out of my eyes in a swift motion, hoping you're not quick to catch onto my indirect message.

@♡ hyunjung ♡ your words trigger some sort of ticking bomb inside my brain, immediately having me understand we wouldnt finish the day without an argument. i sigh loudly taking a step back, trying to control the anger starting to boil in me. look, i really want to be the bigger person here but this childish behaviour of yours isn't helping. you want me not to care? fine, i won't but ing get yourself to eat- or do you think our kid is stupid? she knows how rocky our relationship is, she cried on my chest yesterday, telling me she wished ''you and mommy would go back to the loving parents you were before'' and i believe that's not lacking from my part. i'm not asking you to focus on me, im asking you to ing take care of yourself. i got the message, you don't give two s about me, whatever, move on, get it on with whoever you may have in your life but dont step over my daughter's feelings because i promise you, the second you do that, the second you're unable to care for her, i'll take your to court and take full custody. i call out rather harsh words to you, knowing id never do such thing, only wanting you to hear this wake up call and track yourself down. i dont want you to apologize i scoff. its not me who you have to apologize to, you broke me beyond any comprehension already, i don't expect us to work things out anymore, i've accepted you'll start a new life, just think of our daughter. that's all i ask for, if you dont want to be civil with me, that's fine but at least make sure to look after yourself so you can look after our daughter. that's all i ask you. next week i'll drop her off, you don't need to come around, i'll cut you the trouble of coming face to face with me. i comment, turning my back on you to get a letter and place it on your hands, obviously in a rather sour mood. her birthday is next week, she has been asking to go to disneyland for months. don't worry, i wont be joining you, theres three tickets though, in case you'd like to take someone. i call out, looking elsewhere, mad at the fact i thought i somehow could work things out with you until then so we could all go together. i hope you conquered what you wanted.

@✧ namjoon ✧ i swallow the lump that formed in my throat as soon as you asked our princess to go into her room, sensing there is something you want to talk to me about seriously - which i do not like one bit - that was the only thing that bothered me lately, you always worry about me and you're always right, you always read my mood so good that it annoys me. with a sharp inhale, i look into your eyes, forming countless sentences in my mind, thinking about what wouldn't sound too harsh or rough, but me being me - i can't hold myself back when i'm annoyed or upset. namjoon, we talked about this, okay? nothing's wrong, everything is fine, leave it alone. it's none of your business anymore, anyways. with the last sentence that left my lips i knew i screwed it all up, i screwed up the chance of me leaving your house without a huge fight that is about to happen because i couldn't hold myself back and because i didn't choose my words carefully, but i knew it was my fault in the end - with all these stupid thoughts roaming inside my head, i couldn't pick every word carefully. look, i start, unable to continue because i don't know what to say anymore, should i apologize or not? no, i don't want to apologize. i mean i do want to apologize but i would hate to say those words because i wasn't careful before, so i just stop there, letting my eyes fall down to the floor, picking at my nails nervously as i wait for you to explode because of my toxic, venomous words.

@♡ hyunjung ♡ i lean down upon hearing your answer. princess, can you go get ready while papa talks with mama? i ask our princess softly, stroking her small cheek as she raises a brow, having me smiling as i know she caught up to the situation, partly knowing she is one of the smartest kids ive come across. i promise papa wont take too long, papa just needs to talk to mama for a bit, hm? i mutter, pecking her forehead, leaning back to see her pout and nod. youre such a good girl,t hank you baby. i call out, smiling softly as she makes her way to her room to change. once she is out of sight, i stand up, eyeing you quietly for a moment. whats wrong? i ask, knowing you quite well from the years we spent together. i know we arent together anymore, and that we ar not on the right terms right now but we are still responsible for a child, and something is definatelly off with you. i didnt want to bring this up because well, you made it pretty clear when you told me you didnt want us speaking anymore- i call out, shaking my head as i recall one of our most recent arguments. but i'm worried, for you and for our princess. i confess, feeling my chest tighten. look, you dont need to talk your problems out to me but seek help, if you need, i know something is wrong, it's quite obvious you been skipping meals, is everything okay at home? do you need help? is there anything i can do to help you? i finally ask, giving in to my feelings for a moment, wanting to help as im frustrated at this point, not knowing whats going on with you, not being able to stand by your side. i sigh, rubbing my temples.

@✧ namjoon ✧ i let out yet another soft sigh, quietly though so our princess does not hear me and ask me what's wrong, especially while we're still here - i wouldn't want to worry you and just rise more problems between us, seeing that i would get riled up for no reason, as i usually do. i drop a soft kiss onto our princess' nose, making her chuckle so adorably that my heart melts, right then and there. princess, did you have fun with daddy? i ask, tilting my head to the side slightly as i watch her, waiting for her reply. she mumbles that she did have fun and continues rambling on about what you did with her, how you played so good with her and that it's not like when i play with her - of course, i think to myself - i can never do everything as you do and i will never be able to do so, no matter how hard i try. that's when i realize that it's the hardest for her, not the two of us - and i was so selfish to think that i've been having a really hard time, that we were having a hard time while she's the one who has it the hardest. with a small smile, i ruffle her hair gently, making her squeal before i get up, standing up straight as you come back into the room, making brief eye contact with you before looking down at our princess once again, humming under my breath as you ask me if i ate yet, i manage a small nod and a affirmative hum, even though it's a lie - i didn't eat because i was so nervous and anxious, i still am. the thought of having to say that i'm pregnant with our child again falls hard on my heart and mind because we're separated at the moment and i couldn't afford to tell you yet, but i know i have to. ah, seokjin been making sure you're doing fine? i find myself asking, not being able to stop myself with all the knowledge i have of you and your relationship with your friends.

@♡ hyunjung ♡ eyeing you, seeing the way you act around our daughter scores a soft smile of mine. i push myself back to make you two comfortable, knowing at this point i'm doing more harm than good standing there to interrupt such moment. i find my way to our daughter's room, packing just a couple more things she hadn't put in her backpack earlier, along with the so called week allowance i always placed in her backpack, knowing you'd argue with me over the money if you saw me stuff it into her backpack. my brain always has me thinking over the struggle it is the be a ''single parent'' and it always has me wanting to help you, knowing you'd never admit to all the struggles you find daily. on the other hand, my business was doing fairly fine which allowed me to help a bit more. i end up sitting on her small bed, smiling softly at the sight of her still favorite plushie, remembering it was the very first plushie you and i bought to her, when you were still pregnant. i really wish we could go back to being what we were, before all the problems crashed into us and lead us to part ways. it's better off this way. i mutter to myself, trying to convience my brain when in reality i know that is not the case. after a couple more minutes, i bring her packed bag out, placing it by the couch. did you eat yet? i end up asking you, taking a moment to scan your figure obviously worried upon seeing how slim you'd gotten recently. dont worry, i didn't cook, a friend dropped my some food- i continue, rubbing my nape eyes wandering to our daughter as i feel ashamed for not being able to look you in the eye.

@✧ namjoon ✧ i try to look anywhere but you as it is still all fresh and new, to the both of us and we would both be lying if we said that we weren't suffering - but we were both too proud to admit it out loud and to each other so we continue to suffer like we already are. i laugh softly as our princess crashes into my legs, hugging them both to herself as if we haven't seen each other just two days ago. baby! be careful, please! i say before greeting you with a small nod of my head, still not able to look into your eyes without my heart doing strange things, those strange things it has been doing for all these years. oh princess, it's so pretty! when did you get this good at drawing, hm? mommy will have to enroll you into an artistry academy for tiny geniuses like you! i exclaim, kneeling down to smooch her forehead gently, eyes sparkling with happiness and love, at least i am able to act happy when she's around, if anything.