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@S - Taemin Despite the bright façade he tried to put on for those around him Dongwoo could see just how empty Taemin truly was in that moment. The encounter had been nothing like the reunion he’d hoped to come to them once the younger was back on his arms yet for the former blonde there was far more at stake. He didn’t protest as their food was taken back, intentily listening to the words that spilled forth from the depressed boy until something unimaginable filled the room. Hopping up from his seat he sighed, taking the younger into his embrace leaning down to gently press his lips upon the other before pulling back just enough to look down at the boy running my fingers through the pale pink fluff. “Blondie, he has nothing to do with my hesitance in forgiving you… And there are also a lot of reasons why I… I can’t ask him such a think yet but me and you, that’s another thing entirely. I love you, no matter how I try to go around it or deny I know I’ll probably never stop loving you but us… I don’t think there can ever be an us again. I opened up to you about so much of myself and when you had the chance to do the same you turned your back on me. The past is in the past and I know there are so many things we both wish we could take back but this is something that can’t be fixed. I want things between us to find some kind of happiness no matter where we go from here. In time I’m sure I’ll forgive you, I could never hate someone I care so much for, but you’re right in believing that another has been creeping into my heart.” Gently cupping his palm against the beautifully sun-kissed skin it was only now that he noticed that the healthy glow looked somewhat diminished, how thin the younger had gotten since their separation, all that he’d ignored for the sake of protecting his own heart. “I want you to come back with me… You promised to have lunch together right? And I think at the very least you could take a moment to listen to the song I’d written while you were away… You might think that I just dropped you the instant someone else came around but that’s far from the truth, Min. Will you come with me?”

@S-CNU The more he listened, the more Taemin felt himself literally ebb away back into the darkness. All the work and dedication it had taken to build himself back up from ashes in the past months were flushed down the drain - three steps taken back for the one step forward of progress he had previously made. He officially had fallen back into his depressed state, eyes hollowed and the will to live, the will to seek happiness again, became all void in his once beaming features. The only difference this time was that he was a little wiser to speak, letting you in on it even though you were the very cause of it this time around.
The empty eyes that were previously piercing your own, digging through all the excuses you delivered in response to his own, turned to a waitress walking back. Amazingly, the boy delivered a smile to her as he apologized for consistently bothering and asked if they could have their food packaged up to go before sliding her his card to pay for everything he owed. The smile was obviously one produced in meticulous practice over the past five months - raised at the corners just enough to be polite and apologetic, the apples of his cheeks tinged in a soft pink to drive the request further into the recipient’s heart, yet there wasn’t a single ounce of light that could be delivered to those dark eyes no matter how much he practiced.
The waitress, a bit flustered with the tense atmosphere, politely agreed and took their bowls and payment away. Once her back had turned, the fake smile dropped and the lifeless boy turned back to you. “I’m tired again...I’m really really tired. Let’s stop beating around the bush and just be honest. We cant change the past, only apologize for what was done in our ignorant and weak moments. I sound like a broken record for the amount of times I’ve apologized, I won’t keep burdening you with them. It’s okay if you never forgive me, I wouldn’t forgive myself either. Even with all of that, I won’t stay away from you. This conversation, seeing the aftermath of my selfish ways and seeing the pain I caused you, though it broke me again - I learned running away is the most selfish way out. Who knows if I’ll be able to genuinely smile again for myself again, or feel anything other than pain again, but I’ll be here as I search for them. “
The boy stopped before his voice could waver, he was tired of being like this. Of feeling weak and like a burden to the people around him. As he braced his torn heart for the most painful truth to leave his lips, Taemin actually did muster another smile meant just for you - it was filled with sorrow, but with a hint of hopefulness for you as it held the underlying realization neither dared to speak about yet.
“You can’t forgive me because deep down, you know I lost you. This person that was here for you when I left, they deserve you more than I do. You don’t ever need my blessing or permission for anything, but I wanted you to know that I will step aside so that you can be happy with them. So stop lingering on the what if’s or my broken self and ask him to be yours already. No matter how much I up, all I ever want is your happiness.”
They were interrupted by the bags of their food being returned to them, prompting Taemin to finish signing off the meeting, and what metaphorically felt like the only shot of happiness he had left in his life.
“You’re uncomfortable around me, and I don’t want to continue being the cause of your tears. Would you like me to head back first? Or would you like the head start?”

@S - Taemin Ignoring the concerned looks surrounding them as their food was placed on the table, Dongwoo couldn’t bring himself to tear his gaze away from the sullen boy. How desperately part of him wanted to just lean across the table and feel those plush lips pressed against his once more, to apologize profusely for bringing tears to the younger’s eyes and spin tales of his forgiveness just to see his sunflower smile once more yet the greater part of him still weighed down by the pain and indecision knew it was impossible. So instead he sat broken and defeated watching the boy he’d loved so dearly crumble before him. “Nobody is perfect Taemin… You know I never expected that from you and I’ve always accepted every bit of you no matter how naïve or wary but I just… I can’t accept the fact that during all that time, if I really had crossed your mind for even a moment, if you’d actually thought about us then why couldn’t you just let me know that you were okay, that I wasn’t just holding on to a phantom. Even a ing text message Min, it drove me crazy not knowing. You might have wanted to protect me but I could have been there for you… Even a simple ‘hello’ would have been enough. I don’t… I don’t know if I can forgive you or if I’m ready to let you back into my life but one thing is certain: I don’t ever want you to disappear again. Not like that. But for now maybe just, baby steps. This has been a lot for me trying to process the fact that you’re actually here, right in front of me.” He murmured though his voice was strained and raw from the withheld tears. Though his appetite was nearly non-existent the brunette stared down at the familiar bowl that had so long ago become his favorite meal in the world simply because it always came with the former blonde’s smile, now each bite left him with a bittersweet happiness that had the male keeping his lips shut tight and his heart covered in ice to keep the pain at bay.

@S-CNU They say being broken hearted was the worst feeling in the world. At first Taemin couldn't understand - it was like the words kept repeating in his head over and over again, absolute numbness taking over his being struggling to comprehend basic language- until /finally/, just /finally/ it clicked in his idiotic brain what his past lover was conveying to him. And ing hell, the pain was absolutely unbearable. Out of nowhere, Taemin's lungs stopped working, his eyesight was lost to the river flowing over his cheeks, and the boy had to bring his palms to cover his face because he was sure that otherwise, bystanders would think he was in the midst of dying. Ironically enough, Taemin felt like truly was. To think so much pain has already transcribed through his body and nearly took him with it, now adding this on top of everything...the younger really didn't know what to say, how to deal with it, how to move on the immediate conversation without sobbing his heart out onto the poor table.
Taemin did end up crying for a few minutes, silently and into his hands because the pain was too great to shove into a corner for later at a more private moment. But he did have enough consciousness to at the very least try to appear as if he's snapped out of it, as if he had enough control to at least /speak/ when the man he hurt so much was literally a foot away from him and just waiting for his next move. "I...wish you wouldn't see it as I didn't care enough. I have many many faults, enough for me to unintentionally up what we had, up what was literally the best thing to ever happen to me. But honestly I cared /too much/ for your well being to realize I was hurting you even worse than the alternative. For that, I apologize profusely. Trust..the issue wasn't that I didn't trust you, it's that I was scared to admit just how serious and deep the depression hit. I thought about you every day, but it was my stupidity that brought on my incompetence to realize my method of being selfless was really the most selfish action I could ever hand you with. You're right in the fact that I was too stuck in my own pain, and how you find it in your heart to still love me despite it all is really heart shattering. I don't deserve it, I don't even deserve your patience as you sit across from me right now to hear me out. I'm sorry I broke your trust and your heart. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to at the very least still keep you in my life......If that encompasses stepping back to give you room to continue building yourself back up, I'll do that. If you want me to stay around and keep visiting you from time to time, I'll do that. If you want me to be so brutally honest about anything, I can start doing that right away - for example right now, I'm so utterly broken and panicked and distraught realizing I was capable of hurting you this much so blindly, yet I'm gasping onto anything and everything I can to still be able to just see you around, no matter how selfish that makes me feel. If you want to let your heart love and devote itself to someone more worthy of it, I will step aside to let you do that, Dongwoo. I have always loved you even at my most horrid moments, please allow me to continue loving you after having learned from my mistakes. Allow me to love you in whatever way you need it, whether that be from afar or by some mercy, letting me stay near."

@S - Taemin He knew that he was only making things worse, that ever word that slipped his lips only deepened the wounds separating the two but he’d spent so long, so many days and nights crying at night only to put on a brave smile during the day as though nothing were wrong that he refused to hold back any longer. Dongwoo had become a shell but he was finally, finally beginning to try and get his life back together only for it to come crashing down in turmoil and confusion but most of all heartache. “I think idiotic would be an understatement in this situation blondie. If for even one second you trusted me or even cared enough to tell me the truth from the beginning, things would be different right now. Just a single word… But you didn’t. You kept it all to yourself no matter how I tried to reach out to you, you simply blocked me out as if I know longer existed. You may have been hurting and I’m sure it was a difficult time for you but I don’t think you were really thinking of me… I think you were only thinking of yourself, too stuck in your own pain to realize that everything you did was only hurting you and those you cared about, not protecting them. Min… Things are… I’m not the same me anymore… I can’t just go back to how things used to be between us. I… I still love you, I do, but I don’t think I can be there for you in that way anymore. I just, can’t trust you. I can’t let you back in after what you did to me… How can I believe anything you say anymore? It all sounds like empty promises. You say you won’t leave but the only think that will ever be on my mind is going to bed at night questioning whether or not you’ll be there when I wake up. How can I confide in you when you couldn’t even come to me? How can you say you love me when you simply pushed me aside as though I were nothing? I can’t do it… I can’t…Besides I can’t just abandon the people that were there for me simply because you want to try to make things right now..” The smooth tenor trembled unable to hold back the tears slowly streaming down his cheeks refusing to meet the younger’s gaze. After all he’d been through he couldn’t let that pain back into his life.

@S-CNU Taemin broke. Realizing and hearing that he had actually done everything opposite of his intentions, that he cussed more harm than good and that you had actually experienced similar feelings of depression just tore any slither of composure left. Head down, teeth sinking into his lip until he could taste blood to at least contain the weeping as best he could, the younger let his soul let out all the remorse for his stupidity, feeling like the guilt was ready to just engulf his corpse already.
It took him a little bit to get back the ability to speak, so tired of being tired and afraid and holding back. He wanted his old life - and he was more than ready now to make amends. Small hands wiped away the remains of his tears, shaky breaths calm down the anxiety building up in his throat - he absolutely needed to do this, and not even is own fear was going to stop him.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being too stupid to realize that my plan was idiotic and completely contradictory of my intentions. I’m sorry that you had to experience lonliness and depression because of my incompetence to be a good person. Even when I never meant for any of this to happen to you..I never stopped thinking about you, nor did I stop loving you. I’m so terribly sorry that it took me this long to come back, but I am finally strong enough to be back. You didn’t deserve any of this pain Dongwoo..please let me make it up to you. Let me love you again. Let me love you twice, three, four times as hard as I did before all of this drifted us apart. I promise to never leave like that again. I promise to confide in you if anything even makes me feel so upset again. I promise I will not let you feel like a walking corpse ever again...I beg you Dongwoo, forgive me. Let me come back, I missed you..”

@S - Taemin Slow, shallow breaths were all Dongwoo could manage to keep himself from losing it completely: not just his inner rage but the pain of all that had happened separating the former lovers and pulling them further and further apart caught adrift on a wrangled ply of wood with nothing but open sea surrounding them. The elder paid no mind to the food quietly lain before them as his eyes were focused solely on Taemin’s bright brown eyes and the movement of his lips which seemed caught between speech and silence. “You decided to keep all of this from me, to leave me in the dark while you were off suffering alone, so that I wouldn’t follow in your suit but Taemin – I lost so much of myself after you left. I abandoned everything… I was in a slump but I tried not to let it show. My music, school, the library, everything had lost it’s meaning for me and I was just a wandering corpse waiting for something to bring me to life again. I lived only knowing the pain and believing that it was the end, that you were never coming back. I embraced the depression thinking that this was precisely what I deserved for trying to open my heart up again… My only muse was the pain I’d felt, I even wrote a song about… us…”

@S-CNU The still fragile heart that had barely mended itself well enough to revisit his old life ebbed a few new cracks at the realization of how badly he had hurt Dongwoo. The flinch, the look in his eyes as he unfolded the unfortunate events, the fist that was aching to release its pent up frustration - honestly, if the older decided to let loose and hit him for all the wrongs he had done, Taemin wouldn’t even be in a place to negate it. He could accept each and every punch, curse, and insult thrown his way because Taemin thoroughly believed he deserved it.
Coming to terms with that the most destructive form of Lee Taemin, the one who’s voice turned as hollow and strangled as his frazzled soul inside. The fear of speaking on the issue returned, lips parting a couple times in unsuccessful attempts to inform probably the saddest secret he has ever held to date, but still forcing the voice through the knotted throat and barely-managed-tears on the third attempt.
“I..couldn’t tell you because I couldn’t live with myself knowing I had brought you so much distress. I fell in love with you because of how happy and carefree you are with life. Imagining seeing that brightness in your eyes and smile diminish because of misfortunes that were only supposed to affect me, broke my heart too much - I absolutely couldn’t let that happen, I couldn’t tell you, I couldn’t tell anyone. What I sadly realize now, seeing how rightfully angry you are with me, is that in my furious pursuit to protect you and your heart!from breaking , I ended up actually doing exactly that, the most selfish thing ever in my life....no amount of apologies will ever fix that or make things right again, but I still owe it to you to apologize every passing second...”

@S - Taemin The elder visibly flinched at the pet names coming from the boy he once held so dear, to hear the pain mirrored in Taemin’s voice yet the excuses that pooled forth did nothing to quench the heartache of the time they’d lost: The days he’d spent waiting, hoping, fearing the worst, feeling so useless and vulnerable – he’d become a shell of his former self. He wanted to burst out and yell at the former blonde that being afraid was no excuse for abandoning someone you loved but he’d promised to hear the boy out so he patiently waited hoping there was more to the tale than simply forgetting your boyfriend’s existence, to be too afraid to face the person who’d tried their best to be there at every twist and turn only to be tossed aside as though they meant nothing. Dongwoo’s dark orbs were pleading for an answer, just an ounce of something to hold on to that could allow him to forgive Taemin for the pain he’d put him through knowing how difficult it was for the singer to open up to anyone, how far he’d come to let the precious sunflower burrow it’s seeds deep in his heart only for that same boy to uproot the bud without warning.
“You didn’t mean for it to happy but it did,” He murmured lifelessly listening to the younger spin his tale of woe. Taemin had been through a lot in those months, their time spent apart filled with one disaster after another with the boy isolating himself to deal with it all alone. “Why couldn’t you come to me..? Do you know what it feels like right now hearing that on top of everything you were suffering alone? That you couldn’t bring yourself to even, for a moment, try and seek comfort from me or just to ing hold you while you cried? Instead you just… Made my existence obsolete while you tried to solve your own problems only to fall deeper and deeper into despair. And now…” The brunette kept his fist clenched taking measured breaths to ease the tension building up in his body, only shaking his head as he sunk back into his chair without another word.

@S-CNU Taemin felt like utter . He was grateful the moment Dongwoo decided to even speak back to him, but the second the first ‘why?’ came at him, followed by the trembling voice, Taemin knew he was done for. No amount of preparation nor imaginary scenarios where he practiced how to take this conversation could prepare him for the insane amount of heart break he felt. “Woonie...hyung, I’m so sorry...I didn’t mean for you to get hurt in the process. I swear I didn’t mean to leave so suddenly nor to be away for so long. One thing lead to another and I just...I was so scared...” the youngest voice also broke and he had to look away once more, feeling all sorts of hinge ranging from shame, pain from relieving the memories, embarrassment from even allowing himself to break like this when he was the one who hurt the other the most. He had no right to cry or wallow in previous pain when he was currently hurting the older beyond belief.
I took a couple seconds of serious breathing, swallowing the knot in his throat, using every bit of his power to stabilize his voice once more and maybe, just maybe, find the courage to look the older in the eye as he finally broke silence.
“I...don’t really expect nor deserve for you to forgive me after hurting you like this. I know this. But you deserve to hear the truth at the very least...I was summoned home supposedly because of the holidays, not realizing that the real reason was because my grandmother was declining rapidly in health. She raised me partly through my childhood. So this news alone was already devastating when my parents finally broke the silence. She was scheduled for surgery a few days later, to which there wasn’t many high hopes for but she wanted me there with her. Thankfully things turned out alright - not perfect as she had another open heart procedure afterwards, but she was still breathing. Amongst all of this, my parents loose their business because in between caring for my grandmother, sales weren’t going well and collectioners didn’t want to understand our circumstances. I was already very frazzled, not knowing how to help in anything besides just throwing all the money I had saved, which still wasn’t enough, at the issues and fighting to find more resources somehow...when the news of a dear friend of mine taking his life reached me..and I was ready to give up. It felt like I had entered this dark hole and couldn’t crawl out of it, all the desire for life, for anything, right out of me. I didn’t know how to deal with all the bad news and the struggles, so I gave everything up - I gave up dancing, gave up writing, gave up school, turned myself off entirely from the world so barely even spoke to my own family, grew very short tempered and just...done with anything and everything that came my way. Dongwoo, I swear I tried to pick up the phone to just...tell you what was going on, but I was so scared to admit...to admit that I was spiraling out of control, thinking of following my friends lead and just end my life so that the feeling of helplessness and emptiness would finally just disappear....I don’t know how or why I chickened out at each attempt, I’m simply too much of a coward, but it took me five months to feel something positive again - even if just a slither of it. Whatever it was..it was able to momentarily quiet off any depressive, suicidal thoughts and gave me the energy to try at life once more, to come here and at the very least apologize to you for being so much of a weak coward, it’s still sickening to think about...I promise you, I never meant to leave you or hurt you or to even take this long to ing function again. I never meant for any of this to happen”

@S - Taemin There was no denying the questioning gazes between the pair knowing that neither of the two had been seen since those long months of separation but he refused to burden the heartwarming couple with his sorry, following Taemin’s lead to put on a fond smile bowing politely to the elderly duo before taking his seat paying no mind to the conflict in the former blonde’s eyes while he tried to make his own decision. Looking over to see the young boy seated before him a grateful sigh once again escaped the DJ as those deep pools of brown averted. Dongwoo was left speechless debating what should be said or if he should even speak at all when it was the younger who’d planted them in this awkward predicament though considering he’d taken the initiative to ask him out the least he could do was break the silence. Though before his lips could part the cotton candy haired teen finally spoke up. “That depends on if you’re asking how I’ve been since you left or how I’ve been since you came back. Both of which have very different answers but… I’m still here aren’t I? What I want to know is… Why? Why did you leave without a word? How can you just step back into my life after leaving me broken Tae? Do you know what it was like without you? Everything I went through when you left? You were the first person I ever gave my all too and you just…” His trembling voice stilled unable to say more as the fear of breaking down began to shine through his calm facade.

@S-CNU The struggle was evident in the olders entire stance - he had done that. /He/ betrayed the only one who was ever so lovingly sweet to him by not having the balls to show up sooner. The previous knot in the youngers throat only tightened further, this time fully incapacitating him from speaking. And so Taemin remained with his eyes downcasted, hands in his pockets as he followed the older down the familiar path - one that he dared to call home in the past. Already his mind was working a hundred miles per hour to think of what to say - despite having gone through this same scenario over and over and over again in the past.
The surprised gasps from the shop owners pull the younger out of his thoughts, not even having realized that they reached the restaurant already. Similar fashion as five months ago, the younger treated them with a smile, almost as if they were family, and waved away their curious questions of where he’s been. “I had a tab open here anyway, didn’t I? I came back to settle it - though, of course after tacking on two more bibimbaps please” the charm was similar, the delivery was the same - yet the naive and childlike nature of the boy had dimmed a bit, the brightness of his eyes dampened and his smile a bit forced. Taemin has grown a bit more tired, he had /matured/.
With the owners blessings, the younger went straight to finding them a table, one in the far back so that they could be away from any prying ears and eyes - or at least it would be obvious when someone was trying to snoop on them. Hesitation was back in its reign as came the two second dread of where he would sit - across from the older and beside of him like he desired....
Boundaries, he had to remind himself. It was already a shock Dongwoo hadn’t punched him yet, he wasn’t about to press his luck any further than he currently was. Decision made and settling in across from the older, the pink haired boy could only last a couple seconds of looking at his loved one before he had to drop his gaze down in shame. Lips parted but voice persistently got stuck in his throat, the underlying panic further manifesting itself in his sweaty palms that he had to keep wiping across his jean clad thighs so that they would drown in a river of his own incompetence. “Y-You...I....I mean, I’m sorry..how have you been?” And so began the constant internal battle, the internal kicking for coming up with the most stupid thing to start a conversation while at the same time restraining just how badly he wanted to just blurt out the truth about every single day of the past five months

@S - Taemin It was such a conflicting sensation – the urge to take the younger into his arms and hug the life out of him yet the overwhelming desire to simply push him away without a second thought seemed to be fighting against it. Never in his life did he think he could love and despise someone so much yet both emotions dwelled equally within his soul keeping him on edge with every step the once familiar youth took towards him, trying desperately to close off the ache that just seeing Taemin again brought on. That smile that was once so blinding seemed like a shadow of its former glory, a sadness decorating the pink petals despite the broad grin accentuating the twinkling dark orbs. With a hesitant step back the elder tore away from the boy’s longing gaze letting out a shuddered breath afraid to speak, not trusting his voice at the moment instead leading the boy out of the soon swarming crowd announcing that he would be leaving early for the day, apologizing on behalf of his employer who would now have to pick up the slack during his absence. Continuing on his legs easily found their way to the familiar hidden restaurant they’d once traveled to so often, body in motion as though not even a day had passed though in truth the last time he’d ever dared set foot in the quaint diner was with the boy before him.

@S-CNU Holy hell...Taemin had imagined what their reunion would be like from the moment he realized he had finally gathered enough strength to pull himself out of his own swarm of darkness. But his imagination couldn’t even come close to the intensity brought on by the / real/ voice cascading in his ear, the realization that the one he missed so dearly was within feet of him - in the flesh and bones. It felt like fire, torching him from within, making his skin ignite once more, his heart to beat faster in yearning, his throat to tighten with the sudden desire to spill all of his woes and apologies, and his eyes to water from his lack of competence to do it all in one go. Taemin /misses/ the older beyond belief, beyond the capability of words....but he had remained silent and passive for long enough, he couldn’t allow himself another five months to find the right words. The boy closed his eyes for a second and just smiled, a practice he acquired to get his emotions together no matter how sad or hopeful they were spiraling towards, before regaining enough composure to take a step towards the one he still loved - close enough at his side to display yearning, yet cautious enough to keep his hands in his pockets, respecting any boundaries he imagined Dongwoo had put up for his own emotional guarding.
“It only sounds easy because I’ve imagined this very moment, countless times....let’s get our usual bibimbap. I miss hearing your voice. Your tracks really don’t give your normal, soothing voice enough justice..”

@S - Taemin The gentle melody of his most recent project flowed through his trusted headphones blocking out the monotonous drone of menial conversation and his own thoughts as he reorganized the disheveled books that had only multiplied after his last performance. It seemed his fanbase was only growing every day rather than dwindling but he didn’t mind keeping up appearances or the added influx of his already large group of fans swarming into the library on a daily basis just for glimpse of the polite artist. Slowly but surely things were beginning to look up, all of that pain he’d been holding on to still clung desperately to his heart like a leech slowly devouring the nourishment from his body yet there was a happiness that had come into his life guiding him out of that darkness and slowly bringing him back to reality. In time he knew he’d be able to accept the cruel fate life had dealt him and embrace the future that lie ahead. But things were never that simple. From the corner of his eye he caught sight of a strange figure beginning to approach him. It had to be a hallucination, of trick of his mind trying to force him back into that darkness he’d spent so long pulling out from yet an odd glimmer of hope rose along with the pain as the young boy approached ever closer, locks of blonde forgone for a soft pastel pink that oddly suited his sun-kissed complexion. It was a strange feeling to see the boy again after so long, even more so to hear that voice call out to him with such familiar that he was stunned into submission, mouth slightly agape as he nodded dumbly. This was no hallucination – Taemin was really here. “Blondie…” He let out a deep sigh running his fingers through the growing locks placing a notice at his post before stepping aside to stand beside the boy who’d torn his heart to shreds. “You say that so easily… Where to then?”

@S-CNU Stepping foot back onto the school campus felt almost surreal to the now pink haired boy. Five months...he had taken a leave for five months, the equivalence of a semester, to get his entire mental bearings back in line. The previous winter had really thrown the hardest curveball to the young boy who had barely even started to learn how to take care of his own self. There were deaths of dear loved ones, family members who had fallen so incredibly ill and near their own death beds, and the never ending pressure of his societal responsibilities unable to take a pause even when begging for mercy. To describe it into words, the cascade of misfortune slowly the happiness out of the once beaming sunflower, the energy and drive to do the things he once loved such as dancing, wilting him second by second until eventually the desire to lay to rest once and for all became the only thought in his mind.

It was the urgent call to go home and be with his family during the harsh misfortune that had pulled him away from his happiness, his life at school, his happiness next to Dongwoo. It was the mixture of his shocked nerves, never having experienced so much sadness in one blow and his incompetence to speak about just how badly his mental well being had gotten that lead to the boy’s overall distance. Now, it was still a mystery exactly when or how the healing process began in the torn soul. It seemed like out of nowhere it finally doted on the boy that he was starting to /feel/ again - that he didn’t just moop around like an empty skeleton with the universe commanding his movements like a puppeteer - getting out of bed because the universe deemed crying in bed as lazy, struggling through being functional when all he wanted was to end it all, once and for all. One morning, Taemin noticed as his hand repeatedly moved the toothbrush back and forth along his teeth that there was a tiny sliver of hope in the depths of his chest. There was a small desire to be happy for even just a tiny bit of time that day - and surprisingly, the ray of hope kept getting a hair stronger day by day. Admittedly he wasn’t to his full sunshine potential like before the unfortunate December blues, but now there was a potential to getting back to that moment - and a desire to live, to sincerely live instead of exist, once more.

Stepping foot on campus again was just one part of the surreal recovery. Without even having to think about where to go, the youngers feet began their journey to the library. There was hope there, a living and breathing stirring in the depths of his core, with the anticipation that he would see the one he cared so deeply for but could only imagine how much pain he had delivered to. Oh what Taemin would do just to be able to hold that face so gently again, kiss him, let him know how sorry he was for leaving so abruptly and for not being as honest as he could have been with the state of his well being over the past few months. Brown eyes scavenged through the tall bookcases in search for the familiar face, only now really starting to feel the dense weight of utter need to make sure his Dongwoo was alright, maybe happy and still in in tune with what he wanted out of life. When a familiar mop of hair and glasses came into view, the first genuine sigh of relief escaped the boy’s lips, wetness already crowding the corners of his eyes from the sheer emotion to see the one he loves after so long. He wondered if his previous lover would find a speck of forgiveness in his heart to accept a lunch outing together after all this time, still find room in the beautiful heat of his to allow Taemin to explain himself and his unacceptable disappearance? Walking up to the counter with an obscene amount of guts, stomach all turned into knots, the boy spoke quietly..“Hyung...let’s catch up..”

@S - Calvin [[ I don't think JR know about that? ]]

@S - JR [did JR ever know that Calvin's ex was abusive?]

@S - Calvin [[ sure sure :) ]]

@S - JR [let me think about it]

@S - Calvin [[ or you want to continue with it? I'm fine though. XD I dpn't really have any plot now- ]]

@S - JR [if you want to. new plot?]

@S - Calvin ( oh oh! I see! Time flies. Shall we start new? )

@S - JR [oh, right, I forgot. Yes, it's still the same baby. but, he's in the last month now]

@S - Calvin ( It's ok, no worries. I myself is busy, there's only 1 rp I'm active in. Well, calvin is already pregnant the last time we rp? )

@S - JR [so many things have changed since we rped last, like Calvin's now pregnant ad married]

@S - JR [oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I thought I was waiting on you this whole time!]

@T-Kwangmin "Mm... Calvin? Wait... does he go here now? I think he protected me from some bullies one time!" He said with sudden clarity. "God... that's a lot... I'm so sorry about all of that happening to you, hyung, but congrats on getting married!! How could you not tell anyone?!"

@S_Kevin "heh...do you remeber my pen pal Calvin?" he asked the other and smiled "I am married to him now, yea I was taking care of him while he was dating the other and tried to take him away and such and I got involed and such and kinda Cal broke up with him affter the blind in the eye thing" he said to the other

@T-Kwangmin "Me too... She's going to be here any day now." Kevin frowned and smacked his brother's chest at the dismissal of his concern. "Husband?!" He cried out. "And his ex did that to you?! Did you kick his ?"