• restaurant •

@♡ hwang minhyun ᶜᵃᵗ ʰʸᵇʳᶦᵈ Yeosang giggled as he felt the action, his eyes crossing a bit to peek at his nose. “Mm, thank you! Yours do too~” he complimented and held his hand. “Ohh okay! Let’s go!”

@★ kang yeosang Minhyun grins, booping the others nose. "No, I'm pretty sure you're the sweetest. Your lips taste sweet." He lets go of Yeosang, only to hold his hand. "Okay, time for our date~ I must resist more kisses."

@♡ zhu zhengting ʰᵘᵐᵃⁿ /running my eyes around your features when I see you giving me a nod, the corners of my lips lifted subtly as I resisted the urge to grab you by the face and engulf your lips there and then. Slowly releasing my hold on your waist as I sense you stepping back, I felt the brush of cold air seeping between the gap we created upon loosening the hug. Keeping my gaze on you as I watched you headed back into the mansion, the last second look and small smile you send me had me feeling so full of adoration for you as I dropped my gaze down to the ground, my lips tugged higher into a small grin. After seeing you disappearing back into the estate, my hand flew up to the position of my heart, trying to rub away the feelings and emotions relating to the previous events, from the family dinner, to the impromptu dinner date and now. It was clear I have so many thoughts and emotions to process. Glancing around my environment briefly to see if I’m truly alone, I walked back to my car, heading back home for the night.

@★ kim youngdae *feeling you returning the hug just as tight, chest pressing to chest, hearts thudding next to each other, and feel your cheek against mine, the chaste skin contact adds to the warmth of the hug that leave me in shock of how much a hug can hold emotions, feeling like I just now discovered what a hug is and it sends me scared of the chastity of the action, not one for chaste things, especially not between us, as all our previous ones were fiery passionate yet ual. To have a purely chaste hug, and it feels superior to any other extreme contact between us, Im coming to catch on the deeper level we reached which leaves me panicking and petrified, and being the pessimist i am, Im already foreseeing my damage after this, after you. And for that, unlike you, Im clutching onto you tight and allow myself to melt into you, nothing else in my mind. When you pull away, I loosen my hold and blink my eyes open as if drawn out another dimension, another depth of you, I reluctantly and unwillingly let go of you and drop my hands to my sides, already feeling the coldness and loss. Furthermore, you point it out yourself to urge me inside and i fight back the urge of taking you with me inside to share body warmth to sleep, especially after the draining night. I nod and look around your face one last time before I step backwards once to create gap between us before i turn on my heel and walk toward the entrance, up the front stairs, chanting to myself not to be a smitten weak and look back at you, reminding myself I gotta be the strong independent macho baddie that I wouldn't care about a man i just hugged the soul out of. Eventually, I glance at you over my shoulder, failing all my self control measures, sending you faint smile before I stride inside to disappear from your sight and to rush back to my room where I need time for myself, especially with how anxiety, fear, and insecurities all come crushing me now that I'm out of your sight and my mind can overthink on its own freely*

@♡ zhu zhengting ʰᵘᵐᵃⁿ /after giving you a chaste kiss, I felt that it wasn’t enough but pushing for more in the heat of the moment didn’t feel right either. When you broke the contact of our lips and I felt your arms wrapping around my shoulders as I sense you burying against the side of my neck, I brought mine around your body to your back, giving you a tight squeeze and pressing my chest against yours. With the surface area of your torso, I felt a stronger sensation of my heart, possibly our hearts, throbbing against my chest, tilting my head down and pressing my cheek against the side of your face. The skin where you inhaled felt ticklish, eliciting a brief reaction of a tremble as my palms roam around your back, bringing it to attention that I might not have been in this position without the kissing part before. The warmth from the hug and the realisation had my heart race even more as I glanced around the environment before me, trying to hide the act of gulping which indicated nervousness. The nervousness of doing something so chaste that is something out of the norm.. for us. Not sure if I want us to be caught in this position if someone were to walk pass, I brought my hands back down onto your waist and leaned away, peeling my chest from yours and glancing around your features again. Seeing that I’ve completed my impromptu agenda and received the answer I wanted, I figured I should let you rest for the night.
Go on in now, it’s getting chilly. Not good to catch a cold.
/I applied a light pressure on palms to nudge and indicate for you to head back into the mansion. Wanting to see you enter the estate before I leave.

@★ kim youngdae *stays in my spot, not ready to meet your face after I said what I said, although it was a threat it gave you my approval which leave me feeling exposed. When you pull away, I straighten my neck and glance up at you only to catch you roaming your eyes around my face which makes me look off to the side just as quick as I glanced away. Upon hearing your unexpected words, although they are technically mine and I just used them on you, I hypocritically gasp quietly in offense when Im faced with the same treatment I gave you, using the word 'think' again I just pushed you from earlier. About to playfully attack you for it, my hands stop midair when yours reach for my fringe and I look at you with a raised brow wondering what you are up to but when you cup my cheek, my heart race in my chest and my eyes flutter shut upon noticing you inching closer. Feeling the softness of your lips pressing on corner of mine, it melts me down that's my hands reach to grasp onto your shirt instead as external measure of composing myself. But I catch me too deep in the moment of confession, I can't get enough of a mere kiss in the corner, nor do I want a kiss, it feels insufficient to contain my feelings, I felt burning need to contain /you/ to contain them. Thus, I end up bringing my arms up around your neck and bury my face into your neck to inhale your scent deeply that despite it sending my heart crazy it washes peace upon me, i hold you passionately tight, different than any other time- did we even hug before? It shook me how a hug can hold and convey such strong feelings and warmth, that not even a kiss can*

@♡ zhu zhengting ʰᵘᵐᵃⁿ /the furrow on my brows were instantly released when I felt your hand on my wrist tugging me to face you, whipping my head back towards you with raised brows, I heard you announcing that you are done thinking before I stumble closer to you as I felt another tug, pursing my lips and darting my eyes, not exactly focusing on anything but your words as I sense you leaning next to my ear. With a racing heartbeat and anticipating your response, upon hearing your whisper, I took the time to process your words before leaning back a little, roaming my eyes around your face with a serious expression.
I’ll think about it.
/feeling my cheeks heating up yet keeping the serious expression and falling silent for almost half a minute, the corners of my lips lifted up subtly as I lifted my free hand up towards you, lightly styling your fringe before cupping your flushed cheek and tilting my head to press my lips against the corner of your lips, my eyes fluttering shut upon contact.

@★ kim youngdae *monitoring your reaction closely to know when to counteract my own words and seeing how you seem to overlook my playfulness, I don't blame you though but blame your nervousness and the seriousness and vulnerability of confessing to someone that has you uncertain and I watch you rub your temple instead, to which I'm suppressing my smile but the twinkling in my eyes give me away with how adorable you are being throughout the confession. When you turn around to leave, I widen my eyes and panic internally once again as I don't plan to have you question me/us and leave on such a note, I act quickly and playfully let out a hum as if in thought before I reach my hand to your wrist to stop you and turn you to me, my heart thudding in my chest as I blurt out quickly before I could overthink it and change my mind*
Done thinking! *looking between your eyes and words get stuck in my throat, now being in your shoes and kind of start to feeling bad of toying with you in such a state. Figuring I can't do this looking into your face, nor watching how your eyes look at me, I tug on your wrist further to have you stumble forward closer to me, I lean in toward your ear to whisper my answer there*

@♡ zhu zhengting ʰᵘᵐᵃⁿ /glancing at your flushed face before look off to the other side as I watched you breaking the eye contact, it was not surprising to see that type of reaction from you, knowing how much of a tsun you can be. Redirecting my eyes back onto you when I saw you looking towards my direction again, I pursed my lips, having a bad feeling about the knowing smile you have on your face. As I hear your words, coupling with that shrug, I clicked my tongue, trying to be understanding about the normal point of view. Whoever said that after a confession, the answer would always be reciprocation? Feeling my head hurting from the embarrassment, I brought my hand up to the temples of my head, dumbfounded by the reply I received.
Of course.. Then I’m going.
/taking a step back, I started to turn towards the car again to get away from the situation, using the excuse that you need time to think.

@★ kim youngdae *seemingly one studying the situation could tell how nervous you are and how collected I am and eyeing you with slight tilt to my head in knowing anticipation, using my usual play of dominance, being the one in control over the current situation, your apparent nervousness and compromised state fuels my confidence in my ability to compose and keep myself collected, at least on the exterior. The longer this confession scene dragged, the more I felt comfortable, confident, almost smug I got you to this point, that I got momentarily blinded of your own effect on me I'm yet to grasp. Though, I probably highly underestimate it because once you utter my full name alone, and I know for a fact this is the second time you use it although in completely different tone and for a completely different purpose, the slowly evident smugness on my face is softened as Im getting aware of the pounding of my heart, my eyes darting between yours nervously in anticipation and perhaps I only expected you to eliminate the 'think' and re-use the same wording. Though, when you pop those three words, my heart drop to the pit of my stomach and could feel heat rapidly invade my cheeks, the sense of panic returning, much more amplified this time round that I'm the one to break contact from you. Just then my eyes widen as I realize how the norm would be to return those same words back which made me breathless and both unready to utter them out with how recently I let go of my irrational stubbornness of fighting my feelings for you and got in term with them, and refusing to lose the control of the situation, I wanted to add to your distress so I collect myself before I return my gaze to you, supporting a knowing yet cheeky faint smile as I comment*
I know. *revealing how Im well aware of everything and just edging you to say it out, I glance off momentarily to the side as I feel the urge to sadistically add more suspense for the actual answer of your question, I purse my lips and shrug my shoulder*
As for /that/. I'll have to think it through. *glances at you for your reaction, as that all I wanted from you, to pull out reactions from you, letting my cheekiness and playfulness to be evident, ready to decline that and change my answer as last minute save for your life*

@♡ zhu zhengting ʰᵘᵐᵃⁿ /peeking my eyes towards you in anticipation when I sense that you were about to say something, my gaze looked off to the side when you returned with a question. Maintaining the furrow of my brows as I hear your seemingly questioning tone, I believe this has got to be the longest back and forth of a confession, despite that the actions you are displaying doesn’t seem like you are chasing me away. away the dryness of my lips, I could hear my heart beating loudly against my chest while I took big gulps of anxiousness, trying to juggle between calming the accelerating heart rate and throwing out the words stuck in my throat. A thought crossed my mind, wondering if anyone knew it is this challenging to get an answer out of you. Grasping the hands on my back tightly, I find it difficult to use words to convey my feelings as it is not exactly my speciality and I would have conveyed through actions, if possible, but that has been something we have been doing so I wasn’t sure how genuine it could come across for this particular moment. With the belief that it’s also the norm to get a green light verbally from the other party first, I pursed my lips again as I direct my gaze onto you, clearing my throat and trying again.
Zhu Zhengting.
/using your full name, I darted my eyes nervously between yours, trying to stop the stuttering, the furrowing of my brows and the furious blinking of my eyes.
…I like you.
/Knowing I’ll break the eye contact as soon as I hear an answer from you, I’m silently yet nervously waiting to see your reaction.

@★ kim youngdae *watches you looking my way before you suddenly stride my way, my brows raising up as my eyes widen in the slightest and gain a glint when you reach my side and cup my face, my lips falling apart in silent gasp for air that's forgotten trapped in my lungs in anticipation, my gaze leave your face when it tilts toward my ear to look ahead aimlessly while listening to you Intently. Hearing the whisper, my eyes widen and my heart skips a beat right before it picks up a quickened pace that only leave me the more breathlessly. Unsure how to react but to panic internally upon hearing what I supposedly urged myself and I look you up and down when you pull away from me, at loss of words as I take note of the genuineness Im witnessing from your words thats confirmed by your nervous and anxious body language from your flushed cheeks to your quivering lip. Not knowing how to react in such situation to such confessions when Im finally in a spot where I reciprocate the feelings, and despite the effect your words have on me, I didnt wanna settle for any less as the high standard greedy person I am, I raise a brow, contrary to my interior panic, I question*
You /think/? *totally knowing what you mean, I play dumb and repeat after you with sort of feigned offense to make sure you know I wouldn't settle for less but the absolute directness, I edge you by not answering your question and urge you further to go again with more mouthful confidence in what you are feeling for me*

@♡ zhu zhengting ʰᵘᵐᵃⁿ /pursing my lips again as I noted on your arms that loosen and the step you took. With an accelerating heartbeat and butterflies in my stomach, I furrowed my brows, mustering up the courage to say the sentence that was stuck in my throat out. Briefly glancing back at you when I saw movements of your head, I gulped down my nervousness again. Once I think I’m ready to go ahead with the impromptu plan, I stride towards you. When I’m right in front of you again, I briefly cupped your cheeks with my palms and tilted your face slightly to a side, leaning close to your ear and whispered into your ear. Letting go of your face just as quickly, I leaned back and bring my hands to the back, with heated cheeks, my gaze darted between you and the ground. Lips quivering ever so slightly as I control myself not to lip onto my lower lips, waiting for your response to the whisper.

@★ kim youngdae *eyes you intensely both daring you to go but also having no expectations of you having a second thought with how nervous you seem, part of me knows I'd understand if you run and escape because I know I'd wanna run away in such situations too. Though when you turn around fully to face me, my brows raise up in surprise and my hostile demeanor almost immediately softens and my crossed arms loosen from my chest in another moment of naive hopefulness I couldn't suppress when I just scolded myself for it not even a minute ago. My eyes roam around your face and your nervous body language finding you strangely so very attractive being nervous and seemingly vulnerable in front of me yet adorable that I can't help but lower my arms from my chest completely to lay limply by my sides and I gaze at you across the physical barrier between us, your car, I subconsciously take a step closer to your car to listen to you intently, I nod to encourage you to continue and to show Im listening although you are not looking at me, unable to form words in anticipation*

@♡ zhu zhengting ʰᵘᵐᵃⁿ /noticing how you looked a bit too attentive and rather impatient in hearing yet waiting for me to complete the sentence, your facial expression seemed to show that you aren’t ready for such a confession. Just when I thought it works well when the word that came out was something different, your expression indicating disappointment tugged on my heart again. Stopping my tracks midway when I heard your reply, I felt my heart racing despite not actually saying the word out. Running my fingers through my fringe and brushing it back, I was internally conflicted. On one hand, seeing your expressions that were anything but anticipation made me doubt my advances, wondering if it’s still too early. On the other hand, I’ve already created an atmosphere. If I didn’t clear it up and get a proper answer, who knows when I could try again. Standing there contemplating for a moment, I figured I should study your actions and expressions a little longer to see if I should advance or retreat for the night. A long deep yet silent sigh exhaled out before I directed my gaze back towards you, turning my entire body to fully face you. Despite having a physical distance, my heart skipped a beat again at the sight of you, perhaps due to the situation I created. Seeing you with your arms folded, eyes seemingly on me, I tried to maintain eye contact but found it difficult at the moment, darting my eyes to another direction, my palm was brought down to the side of my neck as I rubbed against it nervously, the other hand positioned on my hips.
Uhm.. no, what I meant was..
/I glanced back down to the ground, wondering how to continue.

@★ kim youngdae *hearing your response and sensing the confusion in your voice makes me hyper aware of my overthinking and with a hope you didn't catch on that, I gulp and trail my gaze up to your eyes when you hold my arms and pull away from me. Looking between your eyes that seem to search my own, I can see there is something pending to be said and thus I'm left holding my breath in anticipation as you start letting your thoughts out slowly. I listen to you and look between your eyes at once, the next at your lips, registering in your words and trying to guess your train of thoughts and what you are aiming for. My heart skips a beat and drops anxiously hearing your declaration of trying for romance for me and with me and Im starting to get an idea of where you are going which makes my anxiety growing by seconds, and impatiently waiting for you to finish your sentences to know if its truly what I speculated or not in suspense. However when I see and hear you so nervous and shaky, for the first time since I met you, when you are usually well composed and collected, Im having you now pursing your lips and clenching your jaws and also feel the tightened grip on my arms, accompanied by stuttering even, my eyes widen slightly as I hear the 'd' and 'da' and first word that pop in my mind is 'date', which makes me feel alarmed and out of initial natural reflex my mind oppose it and I chant mentally 'don't say it, don't say it, don't say it'. Though, when its finally out of your mouth, its not 'date' but 'dare', and although I opposed it mentally, my face falls exteriorly in disappointment I didn't hear what I expected wondering if your usual boldness failed you this time or you truly didn't plan to say 'date' in the first place and its only my naive hopefulness. As the emotional mess I already am throughout the night, I can help but get bratty and sassy on you when you didn't say the word I basically, supposed, didn't want to hear, I rolled my eyes and commented*
Isn't that what we are already doing? *raises a brow at you, can't believe you had my chest racing and my oxygen knocked out for this and watching you letting go of me and leave my side nervously still, I cross my arms over my chest and stand in my spot watching you wordlessly as if expecting "explanation"*

@♡ zhu zhengting ʰᵘᵐᵃⁿ /looking between your eyes as the atmosphere seem to slow down, I started to feel and hear my heartbeat thumping loudly against my chest. Unaware of your thoughts, I straighten in alert when I see you closing in towards me, my eyes widened as I felt the brief but memorable contact of your lips on mine. Reciprocating by pressing my lips on yours until I felt you breaking the kiss, I glanced off to the side, feeling a little disappointed at the short lip contact but made do with it when I felt your contact remaining on my face. Hearing your words, I wondered what made you come up with that thought, forgetting that you are an overthinker.
I’ll be fine…? Where am I going to go?
/my palms wrapped around your forearms as I leaned back to roam my eyes around your face. My mind clearly had something it wanted to do tonight, it could be due to the public announcement to the family, the confirmation of our feelings in the previous interactions or the months of the development of my feelings but it just felt.. right? Heaving a deep breath as I flickered my eyes into yours, I started slow.
Do you… remember saying that you thought you had your door to romance sealed up and built a wall around it? …well, I don’t know if my door to romance is completely seal shut or not, but.. with you, …I could try again, I think?
/trying to gulp down my nervousness and glancing off to the side for a brief moment before bringing my gaze back towards you, I pursued my lips before continuing.
Um… how would you say if we.. d-
/blinking nervously with furrowed brows, the word is stuck in my throat. Clenching both my teeth and slightly tightening my hold on your forearms, I tried to throw the word out.
D.. uhmm.. da-…
Dare each other on a constant basis?
/my lips tugged down as I said something else instead, clicking my tongue in disappointment as the confession I practiced in my head flew out of the window. Too late, the words have been spilled out and it’s hard to take it back now.
Nevermind. I’m going.
/my cheeks heated up as I announced my departure, letting go of your arms and turning away from you, towards my car, wanting to escape this embarrassment of a confession.

@★ kim youngdae *notes your reaction, how surprised you seem to hear my answer, maybe because I have many showing interest? But I don't give them the chance nor do they insist so it never happened. Not expecting a reply from you, I turn my head toward you and scan your side profile before a smile takes over my face and I look away in time my smile widens as I take it that you've been busy and preoccupied with me to attention anyone else and I plan to keep it that way for hopefully a long time. Seeing the mansion, I sit up straight and readying myself to the end of this hectic and eventful night and unfasten my seatbelt. I get out the car after you open the door for me and I stand right before you, heaving in a deep breathing and keeping it in within my chest as I let my gaze look between your eyes as we seem to fall silent, both standing in what seems a contemplation. Realizing we are going to part now after almost losing you for good, my anxiety heightens and tightens my chest of fear of not seeing you again- even if for awhile, wondering if your family acted rather decently in front of Sungkyung and her mother but have something else in mind for you. My own overthinking gets me to consider the possibility of not seeing you for awhile and for that, I try to mend the aching of my chest by leaning in to close the distance between our lips, my own capturing and locking with yours into chaste and brief yet passionate kiss, brows furrowing in concentration to savor the familiar feeling of your lips against my own, realizing how I probably initiated more kisses tonight alone than the past while. Breaking the kiss and remain close, my nose nuzzling your cheek still as I in a breath through my parted lips, I voice out my worry*
You'll be okay, right? I'll see you soon...right?

@♡ zhu zhengting ʰᵘᵐᵃⁿ /I chuckled at your reply as I see you playing along with me. Upon hearing your response, my eyes darted towards you, brows raised in disbelief. Looking back onto the road soon after, I tried thinking of the possible reasons to the lack of interactions outside the mansion. Tapping on the memories of our own trial, one of the reasons I could think of is the duration of the trial. Thinking back, I couldn’t remember if we have any activities outside, aside from my place and the mansion, mainly because I was juggling between getting to know you and going to work. With your reply, I’d assume most people would start sprouting empty promises again in the attempt to console and have a future event to look forward to, however, aside from the fact that I’m not one to do so, along with what has happened, it is most likely that I’ll be even busier than before. Looking up to think of a decent reply, I briefly commented.
Me too. Been busy.
/seeing the familiar premise of your home in sight, I drove up to the foyer, temporarily parking the car.
We’re here.
/indicating that we’ve reach the destination before I pulled up the hand brake and unfastened my seatbelt to get out of the car towards your side of the vehicle, opening the door for you, having mixed feelings of whether to let you go back and rest or staying a little longer in the moment with you.

@★ kim youngdae And you are masochist enough to enjoy and seek headache. *comments, trying to suppress my amused and proud toothy grin on how you call me your stress, I playfully play with words further and refer to myself as headache, indirectly referring to how you've been chasing me the past months. With that, I let my gaze linger on you for a moment as you drive with faint smile plastered on my face but realize how stupid I probably look, I tear my gaze off of you and onto the road, sinking into my seat with soft sigh at how the emotional and physical exhaustion of the night down on me now that Im full and in a moving vehicle. Snapping out of zoning out when I hear your question and I bite my lip as I look away from you as I know the answer to that but takes my moment before I let it out, realizing how much I probably was closing off and keeping people at an arm length and most definitely not seeking people nor initiating an outing*
I don't know. I can't recall any time- *replies honestly and hopes it doesn't make me sound as pathetic as that makes me feel, I eventually drag my gaze to you to note your reaction, losing sense of the road and how far or well close we are to my place, probably feeling/expecting the ride to take longer than what it truly is*

@♡ zhu zhengting ʰᵘᵐᵃⁿ /lifting a smile when you gave your remarks to my choice of cut, happy that you enjoyed it, I rolled my eyes soon after at your latter sentence before sneering with a shake of my head.
Bringing my stress to my stress-relieving place? Already sounding like a headache.
/turning on the radio, putting it to a softer volume and following the navigation to your place, I kept my eyes on the road. Despite saying that we could continue the previous topic now that we are in the car, I don’t really remember the topic we discussed about, silently hoping that you won’t bring it up either. Betting on the fact that the road seemed smooth and not congested with other vehicles, the duration of the ride would be shorter so that we could take a break away from each other to process the event that had just passed. After a brief silence, I became curious of your experiences instead.
When is the last time you had dinner outside of the mansion?
/Glancing towards you briefly, I pose a short and seemingly trivia question to have conversation filling the time we share as we make our way back to your place, I silently waiting to listen to your response, despite knowing that I might not really like your answer, curiosity just got the better of me and I’d like to think of it as being interested to get to know a little more about you and your past. As it was a shorter ride, it wasn’t long before I started to recognise the little details which is indicating me that the path to the mansion was in sight and the fact that I didn’t need the navigator after had me questioning myself how many times I have brought myself to your place that I started to recognise the way, uncertain what to do with the realisation and refocusing back onto you and the road, driving us closer to the destination to drop you home.

@★ kim youngdae *noting your reaction to my words by avoiding my gaze and I could tell you don't really buy my words, and I'd expect so, not expecting your insecurity to magically disappear by mere words, knowing by now how similar we are in that aspect and for that reason I don't feed you more words as that would be last I'd want too; afterall, we both depend on actions and therefore I hope my actions speak loud on my behalf enough to assure you. Also, figuring my past experience I revealed to you and you seen the remnants of yourself would be a back up evidence of sincerity of my words. Raising a brow when you so easily and carelessly give out your card to be taken by the staff away but figure you know better about your money and this place so I remain shut. When they return it to you and you nod toward the exit, I nod and scoot closer to the side edge of the seat and get up after to follow your lead out the place and back toward your car, getting in after you open the door for me and I fasten my seatbelt. Sighing softly in content and I can't help but to reflect on the first time i got in your car tonight on our way to your family dinner, who would have thought all of that to happen, up to the messy 2nd time this night on our way here to the restaurant, till now; how an hour alone with you is sufficient to calm my insides and give me peace of mind, for now. When you ask about the steak, especially since it's your favorite choice, I look over your side and smile with exaggerated exhale to indicate how fall Im to extent of breathlessness, I place a palm over the tiny food bump I developed, I comment*
Filling.
And so yummy. Maybe I need to stress you out more often to be brought here. *snickers cheekily as I recall your introduction to the place to be where you celebrate and where you escape when stressed and I obviously choose to be your stress because peace of mind is never an option with me*

@♡ zhu zhengting ʰᵘᵐᵃⁿ /returning my gaze towards you when I hear a period of silence from you before hearing a serious reply from you, I pursed my lips as I interpreted that you saw something you wanted to pursue with me. Noticing your demeanor changing to a surprised one and seeing you sitting up on the seat, my brows raised, not expecting you to have such a reaction. Hearing your views and reassurance (?) on my thoughts, my gaze dropped towards the table, biting my lower lips as I’m still stubbornly refusing to believe your words, despite seeing proof as to how you were fixated on your past that you leave such a big piece of memory in your room. Watching your response, which indicated to me that you are ready to leave, I signal a staff for the bill as I handed them my card for them to make payment, without needing to confirm the correct orders as it was a restaurant that I frequently visit, having faith in the service they provide. When they returned the card back to me, I glanced towards you, tilting my head towards the exit before shifting out from the booth, keeping my card in the process. Taking the lead and walking out of the restaurant, better nourished compared to moments ago, I nodded at the nearest staff before exiting the establishment, looking back to see if you’re close behind. Walking towards my vehicle, assisting you into the car first before getting on at the driver’s seat, I leaned in to help you fasten your seatbelt before fastening my own and turning on the engine. Wanting to ease into the conversation now that we are in a change of environment, I started with asking feedback of the dinner.
So, how’s the sirloin steak?
/I briefly glanced towards you as I type down the address to the mansion on my navigator before starting the journey back to your place.

@★ kim youngdae And maybe that was my reverse psychology on you to have you last the trial, even if for the sake of challenge. *eyes you with lingering sense of amusement, looking off to the side after I let out such a possibility of me wanting you to last. My gaze return you upon hearing a too very familiar line, 'they don't know what they are missing out', and as much as I kind of always say so myself about myself, hearing it exteriorly from someone else word by word feels....new and refreshing, because as much as I believe so myself, there is a lingering hidden insecurity that they don't see it, given how many have walked away from it/me without a second look. Watching your reaction to my further teasing have me smiling widely and toothily at how adorable you are, my gaze locking with yours when you seem to compose yourself well and I let your question sink in silently, deliberately extending the silence momentarily to add suspense and anticipation before I reply seriously and genuinely as I'm too lazy to entertain anyone and everyone*
Only those I see the potential in.
*my eyes trail around your face and lower to your body language as you seem in thought of my question, knowing how opening up could be difficult and one take time filtering words, I remain patient and quiet despite the anxious anticipation within my chest. My calm and relaxed demeanor shifts to surprised and alert that I physically perk up upon hearing your thought that hit too close to home for me and I could feel my heart thudding in my chest hearing my own thoughts out loud from someone else and I wasn't sure if it's not expecting such person who has it all to have such insecurity/worry, but I also figure that was the usual reaction I got from my ex when I revealed the same and that brings me to the conclusion of how too similar we are in some senses, beyond we realize, and to find someone so similar to me feels like home which has me feeling both warm yet trigger the fear I've felt throughout the night, now feeling sense of home, how am I supposed to let my home go or forced away from it? Though, it was in the back of my head just a little forgotten, or simply refusing to believe it earlier, how so very similar we are in some of our insecurities and principles, based on my observations of you from the very beginning, and hearing you conversing with others and saying lines /I/ say, almost word by word to which I was creeped out and didn't rule out the possibility you could've been a stalker of me of some sort*
....you are afraid I'd break this thing to go chase another thrill? I don't think out of us two you should be the one worried about that, Youngdae. I'm not the one to chase thrill after another to have the constant overstimulation. /One/ thrill is enough to keep me stimulated and hooked for a /very/ long time. *with engraved past experiences of such type of suitors, and you coming off as one, I cant help to shake off the feeling of setting myself up for a heartbreak with you, falling for the same pattern, and I voice it out vaguely by pointing out how Im worried of that as well, while indirectly assuring you by evidence of how long I had been hooked on my ex after minimal thrill from that experience, keeping to myself how much more I experienced with you than with him in shorter span. When you mention my autonomy, I look off to the side as I know I indeed have no say in it but I glance back at you seeing you lack autonomy perhaps to similar extent to what Im struggling with, based on the events that went down this night. Getting purchased crossed my mind as the rather only valid solution to have that autonomy for myself for as long as you are in for this thing that connect us together but I push it back down just as fast as it popped, not wanting to be impulsive on the whim of feelings. Im shaken out of my thoughts when you signal our leave and I glance down at my finished plate and drink, I nod and lean back from the table, straightening my back*
Yes, let's go.

@♡ zhu zhengting ʰᵘᵐᵃⁿ /when you describe and places me in the third type of customer you had, I glanced off to the side before looking back at you, sheepishly admitting my thoughts of our initial meeting.
Thrilling challenge.. perhaps that is true in the beginning. After all, you challenged me to last a trial with you and said that most would return you back before the week ends. I guess it’s for the best, they don’t know what they are missing out.
/the person that came to mind who failed the challenge was my own father and that alone adds to my sense of accomplishment, aside from the vague exchange of feelings between us. Glancing off to the side again when I heard your teasing continued, my hand flew up to my neck, in the attempt to chase my embarrassment away, I shook my head while eyeing back at you, regaining the eye contact with you.
Sounds like you’re into challenges as well, a personal challenge to get someone obsessed with you. Do you do this to all your suitors?
/I furrowed my brows at the thought as I watch you taking a sip from your glass before looking at your eyes seemingly glimmer in anticipation. Wanting to reveal myself to you yet also not sure how to go about it, when you ask about the third one, I pursed my lips, thinking about how to summarise it as short as possible.
Well… I have this fear that you might break off this thing we have when you find someone more interesting than me, or be in situations where you can’t refuse. It’s times like these when I hope you have more autonomy for yourself…
/I mumbled, thinking of the words of the mansion’s boss, as well as recalling how helpless I felt when I saw you glitching and needing the help of a scientist. It made me wonder how much autonomy you really have, despite your seemingly strong front of keeping clear boundaries, from the previous times I faced rejection from you. perhaps it could be the fact that we both lack the autonomy to be true to ourselves yet we still tried that unconsciously made me so attracted to you. Finishing the final sip of the coffee, my plate was also cleared. Looking at your side, I was checking if you are done with your meal. Flickering my eyes towards you, wondering if you are ready to leave, after all it has been a long and eventful evening, I curiously asked.
Shall we go? I’ll send you home, and we can continue this conversation in the car.

@★ kim youngdae *seeing you nodding and agreeing with me despite me looking at you all expectantly and not accepting any less, I couldn't help but feel fluttering in my chest that you see me how I see myself, a confirmation I didn't know I'd like till I heard it directly from you. Especially with how I always interpreted your boldness around me with underestimation and ignorance from your side. When you reveal your own disappointment of such kind of customers and speak of your own dislike to promises, I smile knowingly and I hum*
Mhmm, /I know/. I tested you, if not once, twice. And Im pleased you didn't jump into promising me anything. *fights back a cheeky grin and to say more about my psychological and mental tests I ran on you, I dropped my gaze from you as I added my feedback on your performance on that one particular test. Flickering my gaze back to you that shows opposite of my earlier feedback, baffled how you can have my feeling all sort of contradictory feels in span of seconds only, something I never felt before with anyone*
This makes you the 3rd type of customer I came across. Challenge fueled and oriented. They saw me a thrilling challenge they wanted to unlock, I, as a person, wasn't their goal. It showed with how they got bored and fed up with the challenge quick and dipped. *stops myself and leaves it as that, playfully both jabbing at you that I met similar customers before but also indirectly giving you that you lasted, not only for achieving the challenge of trial but also beyond it. When you seem quite embarrassed that you wave your hand dismissively at the topic and want to escape the allegations, I can't help but laugh softly finding that quite adorable and couldn't help but tease you for it, tilting my head with a matching cheeky grin*
What~? Didn't you? That was very cute, I give you that. Else I wouldn't have taken you on that and would've rejected you on spot. Maybe I didn't see the feelings in it back then, but it showed me something better- or what i thought better back then, it showed me start of an obsession. You so possessively wanted me for yourself. And I wanted to feed such obsession because if not obsessed why bother with you? *eyeing you as I speak of how I felt back then upon hearing your confession and your use of words of /wanting me/ instead of liking me, like every other confession I got from others, I lift my cup of sprite and take a sip, hiding an amused and smug smirk behind the transparent rim of the glass. Lowering my glass as I sense the seriousness from your side and my heart feels alert in anticipation of hearing from you, I place my glass fully down and rest my cheek on my palm to show my readiness to listen to you. I look between your eyes as you list the things that have you threatened, I repeat in confusion, wanting to make sure I heard right and indicating you I want to hear more of this one in particular*
People around...me?

@♡ zhu zhengting ʰᵘᵐᵃⁿ /finally hearing your thoughts about your unspoken expectations of a trial months after ours had completed, I was partially surprised at how similar we thought back then. A chuckle left my lips again when you indirectly gave me your feedback about my performance, seeing how you’re here, on an impromptu date with me. Darting between your eyes as I saw your own looking up, like you were recalling your past experiences, my lips tugged down, a little fearful that to you, I’m no different from the others. Hearing your description of the first type, I let out a brief laugh, recalling us touching on the topic before and giving you a couple of nods, indicating that I understood your displeasure to the first group.
I know, it’s not hard to tell.
/Although it is also interesting to note that the keyword used is ‘wannabe’, which to my own knowledge, hints that you like the real deal, though you have yet to find one - not that you need to anymore. Hearing the second description, I also expressed disappointment in that type of customers with a shake of my head.
I agree with you. I don’t buy words either, there is nothing more untrustworthy than empty promises for the future.
/hearing your next set of words, I pursed my lips, wondering if it is truly a blessing in disguise that I met you at a better timing or a curse for not knowing you earlier. My mind doing me more harm than good when I potentially thought of you being contented and happily taken by one of your buyers when I appeared into your life, my brows furrowed at the thought as I saw your eyes rolled up, followed by your nagging.
That’s my norm. To follow every accepted challenge through and through.
/I explained myself, giving you a glimpse of how my upbringing was like, without elaborating much as I want to focus more on you than me. Waving my hand dismissively at your tease as you brought up the past, I felt my cheeks heated up in embarrassment.
I… you-
/unable to form a proper sentence as either admitting or denying would be equally embarrassing, I jumped onto the next topic after your response to my suggestion to drink alcohol at my place. Lifting my cup of coffee and taking a sip from it, my hand paused as I heard your question, carefully placing it down on the saucer, my eyes flickered towards you with a serious expression. Seeing that the environment is private enough to have that conversation, I silently nodded before starting the topic slowly.
…actually, it’s a daily basis. Work, life and… with the people around you. What would you like to know?
/thinking that as you have been so open to me, I should also reciprocate the actions. Locking my eye contact with you as I mentioned the last word, I admitted my thoughts to you.

@★ kim youngdae *takes note of your preferences and our shared ones, realizing I have never tried the grape one before and make mental note to try it someday with you. Noticing your gaze is down to my hand and neck where my fingertips rubbing my nape, which was a subconscious action due to nervousness and immersing myself in my own thoughts, I watch you do similar action and rest your head the opposite side which makes my heart race faster with how beautiful this angle of you is from my own angle, an angle I usually only have a brief too up close glimpse of and we share whenever we are inches away from kissing. With that thought in mind, my eyes fall from your eyes to your lips and watch the way they move with each word you pronounce, words that go almost missing with how I strayed deep in thoughts of your lips, how soft and warm they feel and most importantly how much I missed them. I snap out of it when I register your words finally and lift my head off my hand to break what caused such thoughts, the angulations of our heads, if only we didn't have the table in between us- I drop my gaze to my plate and support a faint smile as that point out another thing about you that caught my attention*
Exactly. That what I'd expect too. I expect them to be bold and daring to take full advantage of the trial. That despite my unapproachable demeanor and attitude, they still try. I don't want to be lenient and water myself down to anyone. Quite the contrary, I'd put on my worst behavior. Only strong ones survive. *nods in agreement with you then add more about my own attitude in the trials- or in general, which basically just sum up me being a tsundere, suppressing a cheeky unapologetic snicker with a shrug of my shoulder at my concluding remark and giving you a pleased yet amused look that you are a strong one for sticking up till now. I purse my lips and looks up and off to the side as I try to recall how my customers usually were*
I guess I had two types. One who are wannabe daddies and stuck up in their own fragile ego thinking I haven't met dominant enough guy to bring out my submissive bottom and that's like an immediately a turn off for me. If you had a good look at me before you trial me, you'd know Im no submissive bottom nor looking for anyone to change that. *describing the first kind with a scrunch of my nose before I shake my head and straighten my face, intertwining my fingers and supporting my arms on my elbows as I eye you as if also indirectly directly the same to you but rather expecting you to know this much by now, I continue*
That only tells me they haven't /seen/ me. They take me for any other boy toy they are used to. Im not. *emphasizes on my narcissistic believe that Im not like other gay subby boys and take pride in being special that stand out*
The other type was too nice and passive and too optimistic? They throw words and promises too lightly and they basically depended on me magically believing them and softening to their promises and give in to them? I don't know, they didn't even try in my opinion. I don't buy words, I note actions.
*when you seem to take pride in your ignorance of not knowing about my popularity, I smile in amusement and shake my head but I give you that as a point*
I actually like that you are "new". You don't have a preset image of me and what to expect. Not a guy coming back to chase me again when they failed the first time, thinking they know me and building on that assumption they can get to me. Also, it'd be a harder kick to my pride to open up to someone who seen nothing but my walls high up for years. *divert my gaze from yours as I sneak in between the rambling my acknowledgement of opening up to you. But your next set of words have me roll my eyes dramatically and look back at you, ending up scolding you instead*
And you'd follow each challenge thrown at you to death?
Ehh? I got stuck on you after? You make it seem /I/ went all bothered and worked up that I sat you down and told you I want you. *clicks my tongue playfully as I poke at your little confession at the very beginning and I add with teasing tone and cheeky eyes* mayhaps I only took pity of you and your persistence. Thought I might as well mercy and take the pup (you) in.
*eyes widen subtly at your suggestion and offer of trying alcohol with you at your 'humble' home, haven't thought of trying alcohol with anyone before as it would require me being close enough to feel safe around that someone to do it, but since most of the unexpected happened and is happening, I don't see any part of me going against your offer so I end up smiling but I shrug my shoulder to not give you a blatant straight answer*
Perhaps~
*the previous playfulness leave my face upon hearing your words and how too relatable they are to me, as if you took words out of my mouth which makes me feel both validated yet scared but also curious if this stems from personal knowledge and experience, I reach my hand to take a gulp of my drink to ease away the mixture of feelings, my eyes returning to you again*
...have you felt/been threatened before? *recalls how you were conservative about something in your past relationships from our previous talks and I link it here, trying to dig on that matter, I give myself break from talking and to shift to listening and I take the last piece into my mouth while eyeing you expectantly*

@♡ zhu zhengting ʰᵘᵐᵃⁿ Fruit juices, I see. That is healthy.
/letting out a chuckle, I nodded, mentally noting down another preferences of yours that you revealed.
For Fanta, I prefer orange and grape flavours.
/subtly letting you know my to go are popular choices. Unaware about what norms you are familiar and unfamiliar with, I was just enjoying the fact that you were sharing with me various preferences of yours, something I wouldn’t have guess, even if I have your manual. Taking a peek towards your actions before dropping my gaze down to the plate, my gaze returned towards you when our conversation restarted. Upon hearing your point of view about the social side effects of alcohol, it was interesting to hear the differing opinions we have. Something that I like experiencing was something you want to avoid. Agreeing with you that it could be a form of escapism for me, my eyes were directed towards the seemingly flirtatious act of yours with your hand directly contacting your neck, looking extremely seductive in that position. Deciding to remain silent at your rhetorical question as you called out the actions of my past, well-aware that you may bring it up again occasionally, I know that my reaction now will set the stage for the future dynamics as to who will have more control of the relationship based on the number of disapproving acts one accumulates. In order to level the stage, I returned the eye contact with a little shrug on my shoulders, implying that it’s the past, way before I am serious about you and never have I predicted this outcome where I am sitting across from you, having our very first dinner together right after coming out to my family. Listening attentively as you continued, my brows raised, questioning and doubting the inaccessibility you seemed to be proud of. Noticing the topic change yet unaware of your usual style of conversing as I have never seen or pay attention to your interactions with others before, I continue to hear you out before making my comments. Shaking my head as I hear your past, I leaned my cheek against my palm in the opposite direction from yours, giving you an eye of doubtfulness.
I would expect that if a trial was made, one will take full advantage of the limited time they have. If not, why be in one?
/I continued questioning the customers whom I’m unfamiliar with, from your past.
Sounds like your type of customers were the type who want you to take the initiative. Perhaps your ‘inaccessibility’ didn’t allow you access to see their boldness.
/sneaking in a wordplay and recalling how the first initiation I noticed from you was quite recent, when I heard your feedback about my initiation at the beginning of our trial, a chuckle slipped past my lips, wondering how hard it is to be the first one to make a move. Moreover with your type of demeanour, I would assume your customer list would be full of bold individuals. As you seemingly hinted about your popularity and my lack of awareness on that, I simply shrugged.
Ignorance is bliss huh? Imagine dating one of your hardcore fans.
/I shuddered at the thought before continuing.
Besides, you were the one that challenged me, remember? Who knew you got stuck on me after?
/rolling my eyes up as I revealed to you my inner thoughts about the experience of the trial we had. Hearing you bringing back the topic of alcohol again, I noticed that you seemed to reveal more about yourself. Hearing the congruence of your pride with being inaccessible both physically and spiritually, believing I am slowly gaining both, I glanced off to the side again, recalling the certain breed of horse we both like during our previous excursion out, a smile curled up at that thought, I replied.
Perhaps we could test your limits someday, maybe at my humble home?
/I hinted at the possibility of getting you drunk in the future, perhaps somewhere secluded with only the two of us. Reaching out for my cup of coffee, I took a sip of it before returning my gaze and listening to the next confession of yours.
That’s humanity for you. To be hopeful yet staying alert to potential threats. To open up but being picky with your choices. At times like these makes being human so confusing.
/I find it somewhat relatable and tries to validate you before I noticed your smile that has a hint of bittersweet to it, just like the coffee flavour I’m tasting. Replacing that flavour with the savouriness of the meat, I fell silent again, trying to process the information you shared and eyeing at how adorable you look when you seemed embarrassed. Stuffing more portion of meat into my mouth and chewing thoroughly, I was giving myself a buffer time to absorb the words you said. Soon, my plate was almost completed but I still needed more time to fully process the topics we have. Glancing towards your plate to see how much longer we have had together, I was debating about the next course of action after the dinner, whether to spend more time and absorb more things about you or give us both a break for the night or two.

@★ kim youngdae Same, Im not obsessed with sodas. I prefer fruit juices, fresh ones the better. Probably the only healthy thing about me. *agrees with you then adds more about my preferences but realizes how that sound too healthy coming from a picky person like me and so i point out with a snort*
What flavor though? Fanta comes close second fav after sprite for me. I like orange and strawberry flavors. *realizes how Im talking casually and normally to someone about normal things which is not the "norm" for me, of how Im even secretive of such trivial things, I poke another piece of meat and eat it to compose myself not to get carried away with spending the whole 'date' here talking about myself, given how Im finally feeling comfortable with someone. Chewing on my piece of meat, I watch your gaze leave mine before I look into your eyes and appear to be so immersed in cutting the steak before you, and my lips stretch into faint amused smirk when your shyness? Nervousness? Is confirmed with how you look at me for split second to acknowledge my gratitude and looking away again. After swallowing, i reach my hand for my drink to take a sip and feel it burn my tongue down which is rather quite enjoyable. Placing it back down, my gaze meet yours now that our food and drinks served so no more staff to pop in on us which means we have all the private space for ourselves now, I notice you gulping which makes me drop my gaze to the table to hide a smile at how adorable you are being, despite being just as nervous myself interiorly. However, I find it heartwarming and endearing you are so visibly nervous on a date, something you probably done countless of times, in comparison to me who never gone on a romantic one before. Only when I see you going for food again, do I stop eyeing and observing you and do the same as you, finishing half of my steak by now. I glance up at you when you mention alcohol again and your view on it and I fall silent in thoughts for a minute trying to see and understand your point of view before I speak*
Maybe that's it. To be free and let loose, is what Im afraid of and avoid. To do bold things under influence of alcohol, might be your escape. What bold things would you do but drunken ? And you are used to sharing your body like that- *placing my palm on side of my neck, slipping it under the undone collar by you earlier tonight, i lean my neck and head to the same side as I start speaking, my other hand randomly playing with the fork around my plate where Im gazing at aimlessly while simultaneously arranging my thoughts, my gaze flickering up to yours as I not to subtly criticize your active life I witnessed myself around the mansion, before I add my point of view with sense of great pride*
On contrary to that, I take pride of being inaccessible to others. To be far away, unreachable, unapproachable. People can only wish for things they can't have anyway. Access to me also include kissing me- *eyes you knowingly with faint smirk on my face while I shake my head as my train of thoughts go to our beginning and so I mention it, straying away from the main alcohol topic, which only shows how talkative I can be when Im with someone Im comfortable with, in contrast to short concise sentences I'd use earlier and/or with others*
I don't remember kissing my customers. I know its business and I definitely take it as that, but its like principle of mine. Maybe because none were bold enough to try their luck and kiss me. Maybe that's why I gave you it. How bold of you to kiss me couple of days after we met. That... Or you simply clueless of who I am and took me for a boyfriend toy. Regardless that was bold, even if naive. Anyways- *clears throat as I glance off realizing I strayed away way far and might end up exposing to you about my initial opinion of you more than I plan to so I force myself back on the alcohol topic*
Alcohol would make me lose control of this grip of myself. I'm not even sure what kind of drunk person am I. Either way I'd have to expose one of two precious things of mine, physical and spiritual. My body and my heart. Either I'd go and give in to my desires and give access to my body- and man you don't know how many tried to get in my pants. I wouldn't put myself in a situation where I give that up easily and have it rubbed to my face the next morning that I spread my legs for one of them. *face scrunches up in distaste as I speak of the possibility before I add the other variable*
Worse would be if I end up being a crying drunk person and poured my heart out to just about anyone. My struggles, my traumas, my insecurities, and past. I'd rather get stabbed than let anyone on those- *looks at you once again at how I indeed let you in before I add on a current realization*
And to think I thought I closed the door to romantic connection and built a wall on it as well with how I shut myself off. But all I hear myself saying is that I'm afraid to lose it to just about anyone. Which only means I'd wanna lose it for the worthy and that there was a suppressed hope within me after all. Crazy how stupidly hopeful humans can be huh? *smiles sheepishly and bitterly before i stuff my mouth with food instead of words, cheeks flushing in embarrassment again*