▸　❛ fields

@❛ jaemin n。 it's almost heartbreaking to hear just how insecure the absolute love of her life sounds before her, feeding himself doubtful thoughts and incessant worries that only pile in his mind more than he lets on—perhaps because he isn't yet used to expressing himself to someone so intricately. and with this, she isn't upset, frustrated, nor annoyed at him, more so wanting him to understand that he means the entire world to her and that he has, quite literally, saved her in more ways than one, though this isn't why she fell in love with him. no, she fell in love with his heart and soul, purely so. "you're good for me, the best. i know that you don't think so, but just thinking about the independent woman i aspire to be now, that i'm on the track of becoming—you've been with me every step of the way. didn't judge, didn't abandon me when things got real tough, didn't take advantage. you supported me, loved me. even up til now." she murmurs, eyes closed to bask in his embrace. he's so amazing, and once more, she tells herself, she'll make him realize it. relieved at his slight chuckle, she, too, cracks a smile and sheepishly shrugs. "yeah, i sort of have that effect," she jests, leaning her chin to softly press her lips to his in a chaste kiss. "you know me well too, it's pleasantly surprising. it makes me proud to see how far we've grown."

@❛ heejin j。 though her words serve as an attempt to comfort him, assuage his worries regarding the fact that he will never be enough for her, or her parents—he was hardly enough for himself, how could he be for any others?—there is something in his mind, biting at him that her words are in vain. they won't look at his hair, his shortcomings? how can they not? "baby, i know i make you happy... but there's a difference between being happy and being good for you." sometimes happiness is simply not enough. but as she leans upward to brush the tip of her nose against his, such a sweet gesture that has become an opportune second nature to him, he begins to think that it might be. it doesn't matter what their first impression of his is, he decides. what matters is what they will soon come to see him as: someone loyal, who loves their daughter and plans to do everything in his power to make her happy and loved. as often as they see each other, love each other, relish in each other's presence, jaemin still finds himself often sitting back and staring whilst thoughts of how she came to know him so well flooded his brain. "you always know the right thing to say. sometimes i think i should be scared that someone knows me so well," he chuckles lowly to mask his insecurity, though he's not afraid.

@❛ jaemin n。 as he speaks his undying worries into existence, her face fails to keep up the appearance of her smile, visually distorting into that of a frown. "no, they would never think that," she says utmost immediately, and with this does her palm abandon his tresses to cater to his cheek, her touch laced in a certain softness that she hopes would provide comfort for him. "my parents, they aren't judgmental. they won't look at your blue hair, your leather jacket, or your car and think that you're some.. negative influence on me. not when they see me being the happiest they've ever witnessed, and that's all because of you." she dips her head lower, quick to feather the tip of her nose alongside his. though she knows that it may not be ample enough to save him from his own conscience, she whispers lowly, "you're enough. trust me, you're enough."

@❛ heejin j。 a single penny for the multitude of superfluous thoughts flooding his brain at the moment? it simply would not suffice. what is on his mind, she asks? simply everything: their future together, the apprehensions that he must consider of himself that he will never be enough, the worries that he will do something to ruin their fairytale. the limit of his abilities is to simply relish in her presence for the time being, hoping that he won't do something characteristic of himself to screw it up. his thoughts are plagued by such worries as he lays back down to welcome her upon the expanse of his chest—"what if they don't like me? what if.. they think i'm not good enough?" the words finally leave his throat from the depths of his mind that he had previous hidden away. now, his fears have been spoken into existence, and they pester him as they hang in the air. "she'll like flowers. but i think she'd be more impressed if you helped her cook.."

@❛ jaemin n。 [] I KNOW LMAO I HATE US SO MUCH yes ok i shorten it more bet

in a soft action, she urges him to rest back down for the sole purpose of laying over his chest, darkened tendrils of hers curtaining down the sides of her visage so in his perspective, all he can view upon is her smiley expression that plasters across her countenance, and the mere cerulean canvas painted above their heads. and perhaps with this, her heart seizes at the thought of him just.. absolutely /loving/ what he's seeing—to look at her and feel love. "a penny for your thoughts, baby?" she asks curiously, her fingers sifting through his faded blue tresses. she too chuckles, a lingering feeling of pride settled in her chest. she was going to be the first he's introduced to his family, the first and last. "i sure hope so. i would hate to make a bad first impression. she likes flowers, right? we should get her some, maybe make dinner too?"

@❛ heejin j。 [] hhhh we're really doing the back and forth mirroring. I KILL YOU i'm shortening it bc my brain

the simple fact that she has suggested to him that he meet her parents only makes his heart race in the familiar way she often does to him. her asking him to do so only proves to him that she isn't ashamed of him, not that she had given him any reason to believe so. it was just that he had become a secret, and perhaps along the way had become accustomed to the idea of being hidden. yet the fact that she is willing to push him into her world, to meet her parents, to step foot into her home, shows that she is not ashamed of him. she has chosen to love and accept him in all forms; for his history, for his fading trademark blue hair, for his scars and mistakes. she truly, honestly makes him happy. happier than he's ever been in his entire life. "i've been thinking about a lot of things," he adds quietly, ripping the skin of her hand with his thumb. his girl, he hoped she would always stay. "don't apologize. she's been bothering me about getting a girlfriend," he chuckles lowly. "i think you'll blow any standards she had out of the roof."

@❛ jaemin n。 [] ok but really don't mirror DJFJDF

@❛ jaemin n。 [] lol i aint scared of u

her earlier words reign true; he makes her feel reckless. in that sense, a more unfiltered version of herself seemingly appears whenever the chance and this rash question of hers was a prime example; meeting her parents. it'd been said in the midst of their peaceful ambiance on a pure whim, but she can't deny that it had previously been boggling inside her mind. they were two different subjects of the spectrum in her eyes, her family and jaemin. before detaching herself from her family for the sake of her education (urged on by her boyfriend), she was their treasure—the gem of all things good and innocent. and although jaemin saw her in a similar light, he knew more of the jeon heejin she'd grown to be. she was impulsive, fragile, emotional—and perhaps that's a side of her that she was willing to risk showing if it meant her two worlds colliding. but even if she felt this way, there was no guarantee he did also, so she reassures him with the faint brush of her thumb over his cheekbone. "i know it's too early, so maybe not now, tomorrow, this week, or even this month. just whenever we're ready," his uneasiness of the idea does not pass her, for she worries that it'd been too straightforward of her to ask, and this is seen upon the rosy hue that dusts over her cheeks, thoroughly embarrassed. "i just want you to know that i've been thinking of it." at the mention of his grandmother, her eyes tilt up into those smiling crescents of hers, eliciting a quiet laugh. the same way she yearns for him to meet her parents, she yearns to meet the woman whose raised the love of her life. "well, her intuition is right. i think she'd be pleased to know that her grandson was a bit preoccupied by preparing a romantic picnic date for his girl," she muses, resting her head over his shoulder. "but i'm sorry i've been taking up your time. i'm sure she misses you."

@❛ heejin j。 [] don't mirror i kill you

@❛ heejin j。 he is crazy. she makes him crazy—she unwraps him, revealing the layers of na jaemin that even he had yet to discover. with her, he was learning the ins and outs of another person, as well as himself. a na jaemin in love—flustered, obsessed, gentle with every lingering touch—it is one he's never experienced firsthand. but as he finishes brushing the fallen strands over her visage, his hand remains there to gently cup at her cheek as he simply revels in the fact that she is real. she is tangible, and though she is not his in name, their souls are connected in a way that is undeniable. any onlookers can see it for themselves. so when she brings him forward to connect their lips in a familiar kiss, jaemin simply allows himself to freefall into her nothingness, into the abyss that holds no promises for a future. yet, he still worries he cannot be enough. he has told himself in the past to not compare himself to that monster of her boyfriend, yet he cannot help himself at times like this. "isn't it... too soon?" would her parents not be apprehensive of the fact that she had only just brought home her own boyfriend months ago, only to reveal a new blue haired fellow? and worst of all, would her parents not be alarmed by the mere existence of him? blue hair, leather jacket, fancy sports car out in the driveway with no matching appearance as to how he came in possession of it? the fear of never being enough consumes him, though he can never reveal this to her. "but i would love to. my grandmother wants to meet you too. she's.. deduced by now that my time is being occupied by a girl now that i don't see her as much."

@❛ jaemin n。 truth to be told, she wasn't expecting for him to delve deeper into her words, and rather to just brush them off with yet another subject. after all, it's what she'd do. but he's different, she reminds herself, in the way he depicts his love for her, and this is displayed as he pursues onwards to elucidate just how her outlook over herself is far from how he views her, and she's thankful for it. she contemplates over her response, but ultimately decides to sport a small smile, squeezing his hand. "by a hundred. you're a crazy one, baby," she jests, huffing a few tresses that've fallen over her eyes, until he moves before she could. "but i guess i'm even crazier for loving you, multiply that by millions upon millions." her finger hooks just under his chin, drawing him near for a chaste kiss. and with this overwhelming atmosphere of love she lets carry the two, she deliberates for a moment before continuing. "i want you to meet my parents one of these days, jaemin."

@❛ heejin j。 even if this true, jaemin pays no mind to it: in his eyes, she will forever stand out no matter the circumstance for the simple fact that she is heejin herself and her shimmering presence never fails to capture his attention in even the busiest of streets. he tells her this, thinking she needs to hear it. "you stand out everywhere you go, honey. your kindness, your smile, your presence is so bright that no one can even try to avoid seeing it," he admits with a gentle gaze. she is, luckily for her, the only person able to witness such a side of jaemin, who has a reputation on the track for being relentless and competitive, though a chuckle leaves his lips at her next words. "take that laundry cart adrenaline and multiply it by a hundred. that's what racing feels like." his hand reaches up slowly to brush a few fallen strands of hair from her face. "and loving you? that multiplied by thousands upon thousands." in a moment like this, it is easy to pretend that it is just the two of them in the world, that their love story is not stained by the existence of others.

@❛ jaemin n。 "well, you know me, i'm not necessarily used to standing out," she shrugs, though perhaps this fact of hers nearly saddens her in the same way his racing reputation does for him- but with his gloating, it remains unbeknownst to her. "but if it meant for everyone to know i'm yours, then by all means. and i would've bet you were." with this, she rolls her eyes jokingly, grinning as she cuts a small piece for him at the sight of his parted lips, feeding him. she nods, gaining a more personal perspective of his racing intentions- it goes without saying, but she's entirely grateful for his grandparents. "i like that a lot actually, that it feels like you're doing it for him in a sense. i think it's sweet. trust me, i've felt the adrenaline and speed in your laundry cart driving," she chuckles. "truthfully though, i feel that similar rush when i'm with you. in a way, you make me feel reckless."

@❛ heejin j。 “standing out isn’t a bad thing,” he retorts immediately, watching with focused interest as she takes a piece of cake for herself. his lips spread quietly in a silent plea for her to feed him as well, though he continues talking. she will definitely stand out; he can’t recall seeing many dark shades in her wardrobe, actually. “i want people to know you’re na jaemin’s girl. i’m pretty famous around there,” he says with a simple wink and a cocky click of his tongue. though he jokes, it almost saddens him—in his eyes, there is a very low chance he will ever be able to truly escape this life, his own name too well known spread amongst common eventgoers. “i suppose. it’s all that really reminds me of my grandfather after all this time. so it’s nice to do it, almost for him. one of these days i’ll take you down to where we race a lot and i’ll drive the way i do then. you can feel the adrenaline and speed.”

@❛ jaemin n。 the previous time she'd ask to accompany him at his race, worrisome thoughts piled through her mind at the various what if's of the night, but now, as he asks of her attendance, she's nodding without question. "yeah, i'll come. i have a feeling i'll stand out though, so don't be embarrassed." she says, chuckling. tending to herself, she takes another sliver of her cheesecake unto and hums. "i just mean the inclination to cars you have, i think it's nice. the adrenaline, i could never imagine. even go karting makes me uneasy, tch." she scrunches her nose, lips stretched in a silly simper.

@❛ heejin j。 he knows she worries for him, though she has yet to experience for herself the environment of such races. though jaemin has grown accustomed to it in the past three years, he can still recall the overwhelming insignificance he had felt at his first race, overwhelmed by the sheer fear he felt. “will you come this weekend? to the race. friday night.” only a few nights ago he had returned victorious for yet another race, though she has yet to accompany him. “it’s not exactly passion, i’m just good at it. and i guess the adrenaline is nice too,” he comments whilst popping a grape into his mouth.

@❛ jaemin n。 [] stop it i'm on mobile now it's going to take twice as longer DJDJDHD

she lifts her chin just slightly for him to swipe off the remnants of their shared sweets together, stifling her half embarrassed chuckle to cater her attention to his words as he starts. she's entranced, attempting to imagine that same youthful jaemin, in the photo frame she'd see at his apartment, participating in his first race. helplessly, her brows knit in a subtle frown, though this is relieved as he chuckles, allowing her to lax her posture. "that sounds scary, i'm not even sure how you do it, blue. but now look at you, haven't lost in quite awhile," she says in a light praise, now smiling. "i don't suppose you won that race though. i think it's nice that you kept persevering on, kept that passion. and all for good reason."

@❛ heejin j。 [] eight minute reply huh :eyes:

at the amusing shake of her shoulders at the immaculate taste of the tart fruit jaemin releases a soft chuckle before filling his own taste buds with the strawberry. once he’s chewed he tosses the remaining stem back into the bowl before glancing out at the seemingly endless fields of lavenders that surround them. “nerve wrecking, mhm.” with a napkin he reaches forward to wipe at the strawberry juice and graham cracker crumbs that have amassed on her lips. “i had actually never considered racing before.. but my grandfather left me his car, i was goood at driving, and i had a friend who had a hand in it. kunhuang had actually begged me not to do it but.. i needed the money.” it seems so long ago, three years and hardly seventeen when he had first dipped his foot into the world of racing. “i nearly went off course,” he chuckles shaking his head. “it was dark.”

@❛ jaemin n。 satisfied as he, too, devours the sweetness of her favored dessert, she lets out a small laugh, resting the fork over the plate. though before she could answer his inquiry, he's offering out a strawberry to her lips and with an eager simper does she take a dainty bite of it's tip, it being ample enough for another silly shoulder dance. her vacant hand reaches to nudge against his, gesturing for him to try the fruit also. excitedly, she answers. "yeah, tell me about it. it must've been nerve-wrecking for you, huh?"

@❛ heejin j。 he slips the loaded silverware between her lips, watching with a gentle smile as the dessert disappears into with a content hum following quickly after. a low chuckle leaves his lips, amused by her ability to be so easily roused by sweets, though he soon spreads his own lips to taste the cake on his tongue. as he swallows, picking up a strawberry and pressing it to her lips, he hums. “hm,” he sounds in thought. “want to hear about my first race ever?”

@❛ jaemin n。 now this, she tells herself, is how dates are supposed to go. or perhaps, just dates with the right person. the elation of their calm atmosphere, the ingenuous intent laced within both their actions and words—to her, it's perfect. "it really has," she says with a certain exaggeration in her tone, chuckling as he offers her a piece of cheesecake she'd ask for. with a small 'ah', her lips part to take in the sweet and immediately, she emits a content hum, wriggling her shoulders to divulge that of her happiness from the dessert itself. "it's so good, i love it. here, let me now." pursuing without his approval, she's already taken the end of the fork in his hold, piecing out a slice and hovering it over his lips. "mm. tell me a story of yours?"

@❛ heejin j。 when she kisses him, following her absolutely breathtaking beautiful idyllic smile, jaemin feels complete. she is his, he is hers. they are each other’s missing puzzle pieces, gone from them for so long until now then their lips meet in a sweet kiss. even as she pulls away, he longs for her. now he shoots her a soft chuckle, nodding his head slightly. “i know. it’s been a while since we’ve had some,” he chuckles, remembering the whole cheesecake he had gotten her a few weeks ago that had disappeared in a matter of days. with a soft gesture he takes a fork into the cheesecake and holds it out for her. “say ah,” he gestures, prodding her lips with the dessert. their future, it seems, will consist of this: small yet meaningful gestures that will further propel their love into the unending infinity of emotion and espousement. he can’t live with her.

@❛ jaemin n。 his fingers fit within hers so naturally that she can't help but to find herself in awe each time. he felt like the embodiment of love and she was lucky enough to be graced with his presence. and although she thinks this, she keeps it to herself, fully knowing he'd deny such thing, but that was alright to her because eventually in time, he'd come around. a silent promise; she'll make him believe it. so instead, she squeezes his palm lightly to reassure she was here in the flesh, reciprocating that of his loyalty as he uncharacteristically nuzzles their noses together, a gesture she'd usually impose unto him—this earns him a small giggle, ultimately pressing her lips to his softly in a sweet kiss. she allows it to linger for a moment longer, before mumbling. "i can't wait either, to finally start our future together. soon," she nods. "soon, blue." in a quick motion, she turns back to their picnic hes set up for them. "you know strawberry cheesecake are my favorite," again, she places another peck to his lips sheepishly. "feed me?"

@❛ heejin j。 the smoothness with which these words leave her lips almost shocks him—never before had he submitted himself so willingly to the inevitable bounds of love, yet the way she speaks, as though there could be no surer fate in the world, makes him believe that it will be okay for him to do so. fall willingly into her, submerge himself in the ocean that is her, as if he hadn’t already. “thick and thin,” he says, fingers reaching forward to interlace with hers. “that’s us. forever and always.” leaning forward he nuzzles their noses together, an action so often initiated by her and never him. it was a soft action, something he never imagined himself yearning for, yet through the time he’s spent surrounded by her lovely presence, he’s grown to become more like her. perhaps this is love after all, the becoming of one another, the submission of power, the acceptance of releasing your soul to the world to free fall into unknown abyss. it felt amazing, falling. “i can’t wait to make you mine, and be yours.” soon, he promises himself.

@❛ jaemin n。 "annoyed might've been an understatement, but so are the words, 'i love you'. i honestly don't believe that there are enough words in any language to convey the love i have for you.. so i guess those'll suffice for now." she says, almost in a cheeky manner but sincerity still evident in her voice, dipping her head to meet the bulbs of their noses in a brief nuzzle. her heart, once more, palpitates in its wake—but instead of the rapidness she'd felt the first time they confessed their feelings, it's more lax, seemingly becoming accustomed to expressing herself, to letting him love her. "and you are mine; my person, na jaemin. i wholeheartedly believe you are the one i'm supposed to love, to cherish, and to grow with. there's no doubt in my mind," she murmurs, her breath feathering over his lips. "i'll always be here for you, through thick and thin."

@❛ heejin j。 [] SORRY THIS IS SO SHORT AND SO LATE BC MY MUSE LIKE /DIED/

he can still remember it—the sensation of her crashing into him suddenly within minutes of him entering the lounge, the annoyance that had quickly spread through his system within seconds. yet now, it is none of that. now he regards that short, fleeting moment with his entire being; it was amazing truly, how far he had come from mistaking her name as soojin to now, promising his soul and entire being to her. "annoyed is an understatement," he chuckles lowly. "but i... i always had trouble seeing the good in myself. you know that. so i'm.. endlessly thankful that you've seen it in me. i'll always love you. you are my person, jeon heejin. the only person i want in my life for the rest of it." such words have never left his mouth before, yet they do not feel foreign on his lips. it's as though his entire life had led to this moment, of him submitting himself to her, to love. "until the moment you tell me to leave, i will always be here."

@❛ jaemin n。 "yeah, my mind just told me to purposely bump into this very attractive stranger, that'd get me his attention," she says with sarcastic intent evident in her voice, a laugh to accentuate that of their playful banter. "meanwhile, i bet that you were a bit annoyed if anything." though the scenario is still rather hazy in her mind for it happening too quick, she's sure that it must've struck a chord within him, knowing the na jaemin before her. and with this does the atmosphere of their date become rather innocuous of all ways, purely by the way he lowers his chin slightly to catch the scintilla of the reflective stars in her irises, his gaze palpable for her to hold her breath subconsciously. each loving, sincere word he utters is tattooing onto her mind, her being extremely careful to not miss a single beat as she silently listens. her lips only part to speak as he lays a chaste kiss to her forehead, releasing a quiet exhale. "i.. too had trouble letting people in. he'd tell me to only trust him, that the world was a scary place. so naturally, i was nervous around others, but for some reason, i wasn't afraid of you. perhaps it was my heart wanting to trust you, already seeing the good in you before i had even done a double take," she murmurs, shy. "i'm glad i listened to my heart too, for i have never been happier than this very second. being here, with you, with the breeze dancing upon my skin, with nothing but love fulfilled within my chest. i'm so glad."

@❛ heejin j。 as she presses a chaste kiss to his chin, the weight of her in his arms becoming more familiar than the absence of her space, jaemin deduces the simple fact that she is his home; he had spent years running, searching for a place to call his home. it wasn't with his grandparents, despite the family they gave him. it was with her. anywhere she went, he would follow—forever. "it does feel like just yesterday you were bumping into me in the lounge. which i still believe you did on purpose," he adds with a laugh, though he becomes increasingly sobered as her question weighs on his mind. it was something he had pondered himself many a time, and had yet to come to a conclusion. yet, he slowly begins, "because you were the first person i wanted to give my heart to. so i did." he turns to gaze at her with eyes filled to the brim with love, dripping unsaturated, unadulterated love. "my entire life, i never wanted to open to anyone, let anyone in. but that night, when i saw you looking so disappointed because you had been stood up, yet you still tried to be strong and invite me in... i could have just said no, heated up my food and left, and that would have been the end. but.. there was something inside me telling me that i wanted to make you happy, that the image of you being there alone was going to sit on my mind forever. and i guess it was my heart telling me that, and for the first time in my life i listened to it." a soft kiss is placed on her forehead, conveying in it all he feels but cannot say. "and i'm glad i did."

@❛ jaemin n。 it's a first for the both of them, she's retelling herself. he, just like her, was entirely shielded from that of love, having not embraced it in full. and as they rest in each other's arms, she speaks her thoughts in a soft tone after having pressed a kiss to his chin. "you are, in every way possible. i hope i am too, for you. i know my perspective of love was.. very misguided, and even then it felt wrong. but being here with you, it feels so right. /this/ is love." her hand finds his, interlacing their fingers to squeeze his tightly. "it seems like it was just yesterday," she says, referring to their initial meeting, as her eyes fall back onto that of the sky. "if someone had told me i'd wind up totally in love with this blue haired tenant that i accidentally bumped into, i would've called them crazy." she muses, emitting an inaudible sigh. with his words, she laughs, heart pounding just at the thought. "why me, though? i don't think someone like me would catch your attention."

@❛ heejin j。 he knows it to be true, and perhaps there is a bud of pride which erupts across his chest at the idea that he is the first to show her such love; the love that doesn't give through materialism with jewels and clothes, but rather the love that gives with what it has, however little. whatever contentment he feels with this is surely enough to outnumber the guilt that badgers him for interferring in a relationship, however sordid. thus he pulls her close, enjoying the scent of her amplified by the breeze on his skin. "i hope i'm doing it right," he says softly. even if he could not be her first, he would be sure to outdo all of them. "showing you what love is." it is an honor, after all. "that wasn't an act of attraction, it was an act of survival. i was just trying not to starve to death," he defends though he too holds that night of their impromptu dinner very highly in his mind. how strange it seems to reflect on that time, being so far but not. "if i wanted to, i would have done everything for you. i could have been your secret admirer, even. if i wanted to be smooth, i would have tripped you and caught you," he laughs.