ㅤᴅᴏᴏʀ ⋮ B13

@❛ heejin j。 smiling softly when their fingers interlace across the table, jaemin gazes carefully over at the woman he's declared his love for. she really is his irreplaceable home, the person with home he feels safest to let down all his walls. this is not just monumental for their relationship, but for jaemin himself. now, how to make her his, he'd have to contemplate. he'd never asked a girl out before.. "i'll let her know. she'll probably not stop talking about it until saturday," he chuckles, reaching his spoon forward to scoop a spoonful into . "we can take it slow if you need to, baby. i'm here. let me know if anything is... a bit soon for you."

@❛ jaemin n。 she settles in her seat as he urges her subtly, her hands naturally working to sweep her hair over her shoulder before she swipes a kiss to his cheek. "then i believe we have some good plans this weekend, blue." although he's only a mere seat away, she's already outstretching her hand for his, her smaller palm slipping into his. the thought crosses her just as it does him; it's a huge move. but with that, she also reassures him with her gentle touch—they were ready. she leans forward to scoop some stirfry onto his plate and parts her lips once more. "i know it's something really serious, to us. and it may seem a bit weird because i /just/ got out of a relationship, but it feels as if i wasn't even in it," her gaze softens over to him, nodding. "so i would be proud to meet your grandmother and gladly let her know that i am undoubtedly in love with you."

@❛ heejin j。 "and when i win, we can go do something the next day," he says absentmindedly as he places the plate of stirfry onto the table, along with the steaming rice. "oh," he suddenly sounds, pulling out the chair for her with a gentle smile. she's always on his mind- in jaemin's mind, her comfort comes before anything else, even his own desires. "how about we go meet my grandmother? she'd love to meet you, and i have to go up there this weekend to see her anyways." he speaks carefully, pushing in her chair before retrieving his own. sitting down does he pile some rice onto her plate. this is a big step in their lives, perhaps more than living together in jaemin's mind. no one has ever met his grandmother, it would be a huge step in their relationship. though, no one had ever been the subject of his love either.

@❛ jaemin n。 her visage mirrors that of his as he offers her a cheeky smile, and her face flushes within a crimson shade at his statement—her, cheering him on and him, crossing the finish line with such a confident feat in his driving, knowing that his girl was right there in the audience. his girl, she reminds herself, that was her or well, almost his girl. "friday, right? i'd love to come. it'd be nice to go out, like really go out." with this, she presses a kiss to the crook of his neck and quietly watches as he proceeds to do the best he can to prepare dinner for the two, and the sight just warms her heart. leisurely, she rests her cheek to his shoulder and exhales a silent breath. relief, that is what she feels within this moment; his scent, his words, his presence—it comforts her. in this time, she nearly misses his inquiry whilst basking in his essence, before she's moving to retrieve a couple plates and setting it on the table. "i can fully be yours too," she murmurs, a giggle following. "i've got the plates, ready when you are, baby!"

@❛ heejin j。 "i can, actually," he comments as he pours the meat into the awaiting pan, the smell of cooking beef wafting through the air of /their/ kitchen. "you can come to my race wearing that, cheering me on. i'd definitely win." his smile is cheeky as she comes to him, arms seeking purchase around the circumference of his waist. faith in him? even he didn't have a lot of faith in himself with the small things, like making it through the month's rent. "we'll see if your faith persists after you taste it," he mumbles, pouring the rest of the vegetables into the pan. the thing is, even as he continues to stress over her, the moment he's in her presence all worries have ceased to exist. it is just her, the power of her expression, the confirmation of her breath, that is strong enough to force his fears to naught. because she is his home, and he hopes to be her's. "of course, honey. i told you i'd always be here for you." turning off the stove he turns in his arms to face her, he presses a kiss to her forehead. "now i can be fully your's. want to grab plates, love?"

@❛ jaemin n。 "can you imagine me in your leather jacket with denims?" she depicts, a small chuckle escaping through her lips as she continues to slice the meat over the counter. if she'd thought this measly, neon shade of a hoodie was a real game changer, her donning such uncharacteristically rebel like clothing was surely the move. and actually, she wasn't opposed. after having finished, she nudges over the cutting board for him to proceed onward, shuffling to the sink and rinsing her hands of the smell that masks of raw meat. "i know i don't know, but let's just say i have an incredible amount of faith in you." she muses, in opposition of his self doubts for something as brief as managing dinner for the two of them. drying her hands, she's soon banding her arms around his waist from behind once more, resting her cheek upon the build of his back. "i hope that class and studying wasn't too stressful for you—and worrying for me, too," no longer did she wish to do so; worry him, that is. "it's great now with you here. i feel better, safer. thank you for coming when you did. the entire time, it felt like torture," this is said with a slight whine. "like talking to a wall, for simpler words."

@❛ heejin j。 "ah," he hums in understanding as he nods in response to her explanation. though, his eyebrows raise curiously at her question only for his inquisitive expression to be replaced by that of a knowing smirk. his next words are amused, almost cocky: "as it should be. you should just wear my clothes all the time, honey." he bites down on his lower lip as though biting back a smile, and watches as she takes on half his job for him. "you don't know, i'm not that great at cooking. hence i buy most of my food precooked," he chuckles in self-deprecation as he places a pan on the stove whilst awaiting her to finish cutting the meat. for a second, he slows and takes a soft breath, releasing it from his lungs. it was as though their situation only minutes ago had gone unforgotten. now it was just them. "it's alright, and don't worry about it babe. i was just.. a little worried," he admits. "i just went to class and did some studying. but it's great now because you're here."

@❛ jaemin n。 he notices the little stuff, she's come to know. he remembers how she scratches at her collarbones once nervous, her affinity for the sweetened scent of lavenders, and now, although it isn't seen as such a huge step for onlookers, her attempt to switch up her clothes. this results in about the most shyest smile to curl over her lips at him, shaking her head eagerly. "i've had it for awhile, just never really got to wear it. i like.. how i look in it. but do you know what i like wearing more?" she presses a kiss to his shoulder. "your clothes." with this rather cheesy line, her gaze purposefully flickers elsewhere, capturing a glimpse of the half knifed meat and vegetables on the cutting board—and just as he wanted to make himself useful through their first spontaneous dinner, she does so too. "you won't mess up the stirfry, silly. not when you have a good helper." she playfully suggests, releasing her hold around his middle to rinse her hands and move onward to resume his earlier agenda and finish cutting (not without flicking water at his face shamelessly). "how was your day, though? before, uh, all of that. i'm sorry i didn't answer your messages."

@❛ heejin j。 at her plighted reassurances, all jaemin can offer as a response is a quiet nod, though thoughts are flying effortlessly within the confines of his mind. yes, as of five minutes ago, the past that drenched their relationship in uncertainty was long gone and forgotten—or so he hoped. all that was nothing in comparison to the long life of love that the pair had before them. now, all jaemin has to do is not it up.

up, is what he does in the kitchen. cutting some meat and vegetables in an attempt to make a stirfry, he only realizes halfway through that there's no rice in the cooker. so, he abandons the food to make a pot of rice for them. when she returns, wrapping her arms around his waist whilst he stands at the stove, he hums in response. "a stirfry. just something simple that i can't mess up," he chuckles softly. fleetingly he glances down at the brightly decorated arms that wrap around the length of his torso. he had so often seen her in gentle tones, of whites and pastel florals, that seeing her don such bright, nearly neon, colors makes him smile in curiosity. "new hoodie?" he asks, though he knows it's likely not. just a new heejin.

@❛ jaemin n。 in her, now, previous relationship, she can't tell him just how many times she's apologized to her ex boyfriend for the littlest of things—not knowing which spoon to use, initially refusing to drink wine at her first company dinner, for even suggesting the idea of going into education, ("those who can't do, teach" is what he'd say), and much more that even she gets mad at herself for not realizing his manipulations earlier. and at this moment, she can surely say with her heart; it is not jaemin's fault. it's her ex boyfriend's and although he'd tell her otherwise, it is her's too. but, knowing that he would never wish to hear such apologies slip under her breath, she decides a silent one in form of a chaste kiss would do. "as of about five minutes ago, that's all behind us," she murmurs. "you don't need to say sorry. i would do it again just to bump into you and watch you turn my world upside down for the better." and with that does she migrate into her room, the soft click of her bedroom door signifying her occupancy.

it'd been about five minutes of her just staring at her dresser, her visage distorting into a distasteful expression at the bland palette held before her eyes. she truly.. lived a plain life the past three years, she says to herself. so, out of spite, she pulls over a bright, over-sized hoodie of hers that she hadn't worn in quite awhile, and shorts that disappear right under. maybe with this, she'd no longer look like some ceo-in-line's girlfriend, but begin to look like jeon heejin. she shuffles her way down the hall, watching as her lover busies himself over her kitchen, and without verbally announcing it, she thinks that everything was going to be alright with him beside her, that this was the life she wanted. her arms seek purchase around his waist from behind, tiptoeing to be able to hook her chin onto his shoulder. "you look like a dream," she chuckles. "what're you making for us, my love?"

@❛ heejin j。 it's as clear as day in his mind, his memory of her bright angry cheek decorated in red by the hands of her previous lover. though it's not as though the event occurred so long ago, only over a month ago in fact, yet even had a thousand moons passed, jaemin would forever have the sight of her, nearly falling apart at the seams, forever engraved into his mind. "i've apologized to the wall already," he sighs softly, before leaning forward to press his lips to her's. it's no more a kiss than it is a simple brush of skin, a sign to let her know the depth of his feelings toward her, which have spiraled far from love into a dimension of indescribable emotion and connection. "but i haven't apologized to you."

pulling back to gaze into her eyes, cupping her cheeks in his hands as he stares into her beautiful shining orbs which reflect just as much love as his, he smiles softly. "i'm sorry for everything. this entire mess. the glass, the yelling, our fight, the way he hurt you, everything. but i would do it again to have you." for that, he is sorry. but he simply presses their noses together, before allowing her to detach herself. "i'll cook for you. or, try" he chuckles gently. in her absence, he begins to work, trying to gauge whatever ingredients she has in her kitchen, but not before pouring away the food from her earlier meal.

@❛ jaemin n。 she abides by his words, not because he's told her to, but because she, too, believes that maybe in this step of their growing relationship, they are partners—equals. it's about time that she indulges herself in being by his side than to succumb to this feeling of submission that she has previously been trapped by. and so, she leans into his touch as he caresses her cheek with utmost care, both of their minds fleetingly fluttering back to when she'd shown up at his doorstep, a blotch mark over where his thumb lay. he cures this memory in all his effortless, therapeutic ways, and no longer does this memory associate itself with her present, but of her past. "i'm here with you, i promise. all of me with all of you." she says, her lips tipping up in a smile.

"ah, i agree with you there. no more punching things," she lightly scolds, though playfully. "your wall is still in pain, last time i checked." she scrunches her nose, heightening herself on the tips of her toes to kiss his as a silent gesture of gratitude. he, somehow, always knew what to do—and what that was right now was to just take it step by step, offer her time to gather herself than to rush her. in the short amount of time, compared to the years spent with her ex boyfriend, jaemin's come to know her more than anyone else in her life, and it shows in the way she relaxes the tensity in her figure from his provided comfort. and with his barrage of nicknames for her, she giggles, for it seems she's been rubbing off on him too.

"sort of, yeah. i was actually in the middle of dinner with him, and lost my appetite. but now, i'm hungry," reluctantly so, she detaches herself from his embrace and his hand, shuffling towards her hallway in backtrack steps. "my love, my handsome blue, my god-given solace. i'll be back out, i'm trusting you won't burn down the house within two minutes."

@❛ heejin j。 "don't thank me," he immediately says to her in response to her grateful words. he knows, understands that her words are rooted in a deep gratitude for him, through not only his act of loving her but showing her the woman that she is capable of being. but in jaemin's eyes, he's done little to deserve such thanks; this woman has always existed within her. all she needed was someone willing to help this woman emerge.

"don't thank me, just be here with me." slowly, his hand that isn't being cupped by hers comes up to caress her cheek, over the smooth skin that he can almost remember once being marked with pink as an effect of her now ex's manipulations. he swears to never lay a hand on her, lest he burn in perdition for the remainder of his existence. "i don't have enough time to think about punching with my left," he chuckles softly. "it's fine, really. it doesn't hurt. i should just stop punching things, period."

to think that she has just been hurt, shirt torn open, broken up with, and yet she still worries for him, makes his heart soften. "i came over for dinner. but you should.. change, baby. and i'll whip up something for us?" his cooking skills are less than sufficient in comparison to her's, but surely enough to cover them for the night. the last thing he wants is for her to jump from a long-winded relationship into a brand new one where she feels the obligation to cater to him. no, she need not live to please him. she just needed to live /with/ him, so he could live for her. "are you hungry, princess? my love, my beautiful fluffy marshmallow, my light of my life?" a slight grin ades across his lips.

@❛ jaemin n。 they're free, the epiphany occurs. and perhaps it's his given kiss that sobers her of this thought, to which she presses yet another upon his lips with all the happiness built up inside that of her petite body. no longer does she dwell over her ex boyfriend's threats, forgetting about the way he's touched her before, attempting to block him of her mind, because what mattered at this point in time was that she could start to finally be an independent woman, the one she was meant to be. and it's scary, she's told herself, to be without that sense of guidance, but as the lover before her steadies her shaky figure, hands tethering her down, and says absolutely nothing but sweet praises, she assuages these worries—because she'd have him.

he would not boss her around or make her feel inferior, no. he will support her in her decisions and will want what is best for her. an apparition of the love she deserves, as she is for him.

her daintier palm squeezes his to pull her from her thoughts, eyes of hers boring into his with a gaze like no other—as he does her. it speaks volume of this well awaited bond of theirs that has blossomed their relationship into fondness and commitment. not only is she proud of herself, but of them together. "thank you for staying with me," she breathes out. "for believing in me. it is just us, we can have that future together and just—live."

in midst of this, she raises their clasped hands, her thumb brushing over his knuckles. "but i do think you should learn to punch with your left, mister ambidextrous," she muses, before glancing down at her torn top. for a brief moment, she pauses. it was reminiscent of a time she'd only recently come to terms with. instead of focusing on the shrilling fact of her ex boyfriend's vile intentions, she takes a deep breath. "i should change. you came back from class? are you hungry?"

@❛ heejin j。 in this moment of relief, it finally hits him—the overwhelming wave of realization that their life, the future he had yearned for, begged for in the moments since they revealed their delightful love for one another, is happening now. there are no more barriers, hypothetical dams preventing them from playing out such domestic fantasies with one another: waking up every morning not in the other's apartment, but a shared apartment; studying beside each other into the late hours of the night; raising a bunny together, a godforsaken bunny that jaemin had never thought it was possible to have such unwavering espousement to already. he had gone about the previous weeks of his life as though he was fully prepared for these events to occur, and though the happenings of his childhood were enough to scar him with doubts that he would never be enough, he really was ready. it hits him now, the idea of becoming an adult, surrendering himself to the uncertainty of love. though everything is certain in the presence of her, jeon heejin. his marshmallow, his woman, and now, his strong proud lover.

he feels her shaking, and with a smile that shudders almost as much as her body, he places his hands on her shoulders to stabilize her excitement. "no, you're not that girl anymore," he reassures her. "you are loud, proud, strong, and independent. i knew you could do it, baby. you are so amazing, i'm so—" he pauses to inhale, completely overwhelmed by her becoming existence. "—so, proud of you."

as she reaches up to nuzzle their noses, he ushers his lips forward to capture her in a soft kiss, before the softest lips to have possibly ever left his lips make their way from the depths of his throat: "i love you just as much."

too much, indeed. so much that he would, in a minute, give up anything and everything for her.

"it's just us, now." he says as his fingers reach for hers, curling them together in the way they had become so comfortable with each other. "just you and me, for now and forever." gazing into her eyes, jaemin feels as though he could possibly fall into the sea of her, the endless bright abyss of her existence. "finally."

@❛ jaemin n。 it's unfamiliar—to see her ex boyfriend leave and not feel anything. it used to be love, fear, and regret all in one, but now, she can only emit a breath that she'd unknowingly been holding. the only things that sobers her from the numbness that scours under her skin are the strength of her lover's arms enveloping her in a waft of comfort, his innocuous kiss that serves as reassurance, and his words of acknowledgement to how she has finally gotten over her biggest burden yet. "i did it," she murmurs under her breath, chin lifting for her doe eyes to peer into his. "i'm free."

perhaps it's the disbelief that it's her mind that keeps her from celebrating this monumental achievement, almost reaching to pinch her side to reel her back into the reality of it all. all those years of mere suffering, feeling as if she was drowning with no one to turn to—she can breathe. it was over, she wasn't his girlfriend. no more galas, dress fittings, scheduled tea meetings with his parents. she takes a subtle whiff of jaemin's scent, sensing how it calms her. no more hurt, abuse, threats. just love.

proud love, in fact. no longer would she need to hide her deepened infatuation with her lover—they could live that future they've envisioned together.

and although these overwhelming emotions of triumph tips her lips up in a smile, allowing her to squeeze herself tight to his frame, she can't help but to think: he was a powerful man with a wounded pride. in more ways than one, he could harm her, but most importantly, jaemin.

so, to relish in this celebration of theirs, she heightens herself on the tips of her toes, palms coming to cup his cheeks. "it feels like a dream. i'm shaking," she stifles out a chuckle, nuzzling their noses together in their usual actions of affection. "i want to be happy, like really happy. and i can't believe—i did it! i'm so.. proud of myself, jaemin. i told him how i felt, how i didn't want to be this girl he could take advantage of anymore. i don't want to be—no, i'm /not/ that girl anymore."

"it took me so long to realize.. you helped me realize that i should value myself more. that i don't need anyone else but me," she says this is low murmur, pausing before pressing her lips against his in a soft kiss, a kiss that hopefully conveys that of her thankfulness for na jaemin. "i love you so much."

@❛ heejin j。 jaemin stares, watches with great focus and spiteful mirth as heejin's now ex boyfriend falls to the floor in a pathetic heap. perhaps this is indeed the first time that he has ever felt greater than, be it by the hand of physicality. he cannot hate his father, a nameless face that he has never met, but he hates this man: a pure, brazen, burning sensation, a great fire of hate for the man who has done such pain onto the woman he loves. and, perhaps it gives him some pleasure in his heart that this time around, it is not him who heejin projects her worry onto, but jaemin. she does not run to him, but away from him and toward jaemin. toward the beginning of something strong, beautiful, real.

"i'm okay," he responds quickly, easily, though his attention is more strongly focused upon the image of the man before the two of them. now that he has her, he really is—okay.

it should scare him, the final threat of his before he ultimately leaves the grounds of heejin's apartment, yet it doesn't. it will fall upon his worries another day. but not today. no, today is for love, for celebrating their love which has yet to blossom and now is in the season to do so. today is for worshiping the goddess of a woman that his lover has become, evolving before him to the image of a headstrong force able to protect herself.

the first words that leave his mouth following the slam of the door, which reverberates in the negative space of her home, are: "you did it, baby." ignoring the dull ache of his wrist (perhaps he should take up the mindfulness of punching with his left arm some other time), he pulls her to him, but not before wrapping the cardigan around her figure. "i'm so proud of you." a chaste kiss is pressed to her temple, eyes closed momentarily as he relishes in the tranquility of the moment, in the calm before the storm which is sure to come. "you really did it."

@❛ jaemin n。 her own worries ades across her mien at her ex boyfriend's words, stabbing through not only jaemin, but her too, for she knows that these are the very thoughts that he piles deep within himself silently. her lover's self deprecation does not pass her, it never has since the moment he's spoke it into existence (with much trepidation), and the last thing he needs is some stuck-up rich prick to flaunt such taunting threats in his face, she knows. but it is only for a slick moment she focuses on that, and now onto the physical altercation happening before her, watching as he further agitates jaemin in not only shoves but the pleasurable smile that curls his lips.

his ignorance of remorse, if it wasn't already seen in the way he purposefully treats his supposed girlfriend, then it definitely was in the way he enjoys the desolation obtrusive in the latter's countenance, seemingly knowing where to push his buttons in the times he's met with him. he'd been the reason of such dejection the first day they'd met before jaemin's front door, when he'd been asking about heejin's whereabouts, completely oblivious to the fact that she had been hiding away in that very apartment—until jaemin's defensiveness. and everything from there unraveled to this point in time, as the so-called 'loser' throws an aggressive swing onto his jaw, followed by another in suit. he knew this punch held more weight than his insults—it was for the abuse to heejin, for teaching her all the wrong ways of love, and scarring her almost entirely.

the second swing is plentiful for him to lose his balance, stumbling onto the floorboard with a slit of blood over the corner of his tiers. though that isn't what he tends to; but rather that jaemin is right and for quite possibly the first time, he's speechless. he lost.

"are you alright?" she asks, her smaller palms catering to jaemin's fists carefully. shamelessly now, she presses a kiss to his shoulder, not caring if her ex boyfriend were to see such foreign affections from her being put to someone that wasn't him, that was never going to be him. this time, she speaks louder to him as he finally stands. "just leave. you've done enough."

in a last spurt of pride, he wipes at the cut of his lips, huffing. "you're gonna pay for that."

perhaps what heejin fails to realize is the nefarious intent lacing in his threat and the murderous gaze he harbors over jaemin—he was not used to losing, and quite possibly would do anything in this moment to return the favor. but, he was not intending to avenge himself in physicality now, but in the same way he previously held heejin around his finger.

without another hand laid on both jaemin and heejin, he makes his way out, not without slamming the door behind.

@❛ heejin j。 in his embrace, with her head pressed familiarly against the expanse of his chest the way they had both grown accustomed to, it almost feels as though they can live in a world of their own making, away from their treacherous pasts and anyone who wishes to come between them. but almost is a strong word, and never enough.

the boy's words quickly meet both of their ears and jaemin feels the sting almost as much as she does, for he knows the effect that this monster has upon her. he's seen it with his own eyes: the way she cowered beneath him, the way she returned to him and left jaemin in the dust even after the event of her injury by the hands of him. that was a considerable amount of time ago. all jaemin can hope for now, is that in that time between, she has found within herself the courage to step away.

"don't call her a pathetic ," are the first words that manage to escape his throat, though a million thoughts rush through his mind as his opponent attempts to provoke him with his threatening pushes. perhaps he should be afraid, fearful of the fact that this man seems to know of him, of his treacherous background which he has done everything in his power to move past. yet now as his voice dips lowly, threat on his lips, jaemin finds that there is only one thing that is able to stop him in his tracks. the threat is not in his physicality.

the true pain caused to jaemin is, by the truthful word of the bastard he's had the displeasure of comparing himself to with the belief that he will never measure up, is that he's right. what can he give her? nothing. absolutely nothing. he has no money, no family, no destiny. no home for her to return to, no confirmation that a tomorrow will even exist for the two of them. he could be revealed tomorrow, for all that exists, and possibly be arrested before he could see the light of day. that's right. he knows. he has nothing. he /is/ nothing.

and this pain is the worst.

he cannot retaliate, so he does the only thing he is good at. he is not extremely intelligent, rich, nor skillful. he is a criminal, a child born from the womb of a drug addict. that is all he ever will be, and that is all he can amount to in this moment. so he swings. before his thoughts can gather themselves he has tightened his fist and swung it with more power than he can remember ever punching with, fist meeting the harsh jaw of the man he hates probably most in the world. then another. but he must stop himself.

he wants nothing more than to crush the jaw of the man before him under his fist, but he cannot. "," he musters, wrist aching from the sheer power he had exerted into the attack. jaemin longs to throw himself down, gifting punch after punch upon the soiled visage of this sordid man, but he reminds himself: he can give her love. not violence, not abuse. not a wardrobe, not a house, nor an education. just love, that's all.

"that's right. i'm a loser. so doesn't it sting knowing you lost the most amazing woman in the world to a nobody?" he scoffs, slight smirk on his lips as he gathers the pain from the prickling of his previous probing words and refurnishes them. "i can give her love. that's all she asked for. not your money, not clothes, not a career that she ing hates and never wanted."

@❛ jaemin n。 it isn't from the pain welling up over her cranium that has her line of sight blurring from saccharine rivulets, but rather the iniquitous intentions of the man before her that almost has her dwindling into that of her groomed state he'd once put her in. the one who had 'saved' her was utmost ready to commit such an immoral act upon her just to prove his dominance in their relationship, his power. and she was weak. in this moment, she apologizes to herself—that although she's pushing him away and pleading for him to stop, her strength isn't palpable enough to be her own hero. she also apologizes to jaemin—that she couldn't be that powerful woman that he could be proud of. she was a failure.

yet, as she's nearly about to give up her battle, the weight of his hands are off of her body and instead replaced with a familiar, gentler touch that could only belong to the love of her life. "jaemin," shakily, she's able to take a breath and cover herself with her retrieved cardigan. without thought, she's pressing herself against his chest, sniffling. "i'm—okay."

he was home, her mind reminds her. he's everything home is supposed to be; a safe haven.

her (ex) boyfriend stumbles back, in the meantime, from jaemin's harsh shove, evidently not having anticipated his arrival but it does amuse him. the previous aggravation he'd felt was now simmering into incredulity at the sight of heejin hurriedly tucked into jaemin's embrace, and even more so at the worry permeating over his visage. what came next was the kicker—she was his lover. no longer was she his, but jaemin's. this should've angered him, to know that someone else had beat him in terms of winning the affections of his supposed woman, but instead, he laughs.

"so, you /were/ cheating on me. that's why you want to leave me? to be with this blue-haired freak, huh?"

it was as if her earlier words went through one ear and out the other, to which she retaliates with a stronger, albeit shaky, voice. "it is not because of jaemin that i'm breaking up with you. it's because you're a god awful ing excuse for a man, and you don't deserve me. look at what you just tried doing to me, for 's sake."

this puts a falter on his face, immediately reaching a hand out to her shoulder, intending for her to look at his straightly. "you're right i don't deserve a pathetic , but i've worked too hard for us, for you to think that you can pick up your and go. especially to someone as miserable as him," now, with his focus on jaemin, he shoves at his shoulder, detaching him from heejin's hold. his palms reach out again to provoke the other voluntarily, despite knowing just how much jaemin would yearn to return the hurt he's done to heejin, back to him.

"i know about you, na jaemin. no daddy around, mommy was a real loser. after being taken in by your grandparents, poor grandpa passed away, didn't he? you grew up being a nobody, and now you think that you can take my girlfriend away? what could you ing give her, huh?"

@❛ heejin j。 in the past few weeks, jaemin has found himself falling inevitably into a routine of some sorts—every morning he wakes, whether it be in his bed or heejin's, consumes breakfast over shared kisses, goes to class, returns to his apartment to do some school work, then occupies his time mindlessly (whether it be through working out, studying, or driving) before it is time for him to return to the comfortable embrace of his lover. strangely, he finds that he does not hate it. having grown up independent and almost fearful of love and its confinements, he had always imagined the idea of having his waking hours revolve around the existence of one demoiselle to be fear-inducing.

yet the life he currently leads does not frighten him. rather, he embraces it, loves it, lives for the fleeting moments in which love consumes him. love for his one and only: heejin.

she truly was a godsend. with her sunny disposition serving to brighten his day with even the slightest upturn of her lips, with her ability to lure him to her with only a simple calling of his name, with the way he simply falls apart under her touch, feeling that his entire existence and being has occurred only to experience such a love, jaemin knows: she is the one. he accepts the fact that for now, he will be second in her life only for the sake of her protecting herself, for one day he knows, she will gather the courage to break herself from the chains of her boyfriend and find him. when that day arises, he will accept her with open arms. he will carry her in and love her with all that he is, though he had always thought this to be very little. one day—he hangs to this hope almost pitifully.

he does not know that that "one day" is today.

in fact, she has occupied his thoughts the entire day. after having awoken in his bed to the sun (not the blinding ball of annoyance in the sky, but her: his sun which would forever brighten his life), he had kissed her goodbye and made his way into the city for his classes. now, having finished an adequate amount of schoolwork for the day, jaemin has decided that he is ready for a late dinner with his lover who has evaded him all day. he had, in fact, had the mind to text her asking if she would be okay cooking for the two of them, and that if not, if the events of her day had understandably worn her out, he would pick something up for the two of them. his message had gone unanswered however, thus jaemin decided that he would simply appear at her doorstep emptyhanded and that if she was indeed not in favor of conjuring a meal for the two of them, he would then leave to grab dinner.

perhaps he had become too detrimentally comfortable in this little routine of theirs.

he treads down the hallway, swinging his keys around the bud of his fingers as a slight tune is whistled from his lips. though all he dons upon his feet are some worn out sneakers, there is no denying to any onlookers that the blue haired male has an obvious skip in his step. it is undeniable to all tenants who live here and have had the mind to even acknowledge jaemin's existence: since heejin's appearance in his life, he has become happier.

his demeanor instantly darkens when his acute ears register the sound of slamming just as he is about to slip the key into the hole as he has so often done. the sound has no doubt come from the interior of his precious' apartment.

a scream, strong enough to turn human to stone, and his blood runs cold. if he had no key, he surely would have collapsed the door on itself from the way his adrenaline suddenly spikes. immediately the key is inside the keyhole and he twists the door open, jaw tightening at the sight of his lover's exposed chest, only a singular layer away from destruction.

yes, pretending was okay. but he would never be able to escape the fact that this loving routine of theirs existed only in the absence of her boyfriend.

"she said stop," he immediately careens, tossing his keys to the side somewhere unimportant as he makes his way across the kitchen to the pair, a fire resembling that of his fired engine in his eyes. with an unwavering hand he reaches out, grabbing ahold of the bastard's shoulder with enough strength to pull him back and away from heejin. he does just this, seething with darkened eyes as he tugs at her boyfriend's shoulders to peel him off of his precious demoiselle.

"god, i thought we were ing done with you, ," he mutters underneath his breath. though he could quite possibly release his wrath upon the trash before him, jaemin's first instinct is not war. it is care. immediately he turns to heejin, reaching down to gather her cardigan before quickly placing it over her shoulders and holding her close, whispering nothings upon her. "baby baby, my love, are you okay? , i'm so sorry i didn't come sooner. did he hurt you?" his gaze hardens with another glance to her boyfriend.

[] don't mirror she said

@❛ jaemin n。 he felt like an absolute stranger, the air wafting between the two supposed lovers being so foreign. she's sitting up properly before him, visually calm as she picks at the food she's made for him. but, she was anything but calm. he came over on a whim, perhaps hoping to catch her with jaemin, and the familiar fear of his voice crawled up her spine. now, he had told her he was hungry from the business meeting he'd return from, and advised her to prepare dinner for the two of them, excusing that he'd miss her cooking. with this, she failed to find an opportunity to message jaemin about her boyfriend's appearance and was reluctantly indulged in light conversation with him. or well, him talking and her listening, just as it'd always been, she realized.

"there's a gala next saturday, so i'll send you a dress before then. don't make any plans." he says, soullessly, and it takes him about five seconds to recognize that she's not acknowledging his words, like how she usually would. she didn't hum, didn't nod, didn't say yes—and that didn't sit well with him. with a snarkier tone, he speaks louder. "did you hear me? don't make plans. you'll be with me, your /boyfriend/." this is enough to earn her mere gaze, looking up from her plate. boyfriend. "sure, because boyfriends are usually this controlling." she responds, the words spilling through her lips impulsively as it had been piling in her mind ever since her heart-to-heart with jaemin.

this one sentence serves as a ripple to more of this deliberation.

"what the hell? get off your ing high horse, heejin," he spats out, tensing in his spot. her words were softly spoken, but maybe that was what bothered him the most. where was the anxious little girl he'd met? when the did she get so bold? "is this what jaemin teaches you? how to be a , huh?"

this struck a chord within her. "you don't get to ing say his name." anybody but jaemin. not because of the fact that he was her lover, but on top of that, he was an amazing person that's made her see her true worth—helped her love herself.

his eyes widen—it'd been the first time she'd command him, and he knew it wasn't going to be accompanied by an apology. he's confused, it being obvious in the way his eyebrows upward. "what the has gotten into you? have you forgotten who i am, what i could /do/ to you? i could rui-"

it's a threat she's heard before, but instead of crumbling into submission, she does what she should've done; fight

"no, i know. you remind me every single ing day. how you could ruin my reputation, make it impossible for me to get any job i want to pursue, and for me to make my own goddamn decisions," she retorts in a voice even unbeknownst to her, standing from her spot. her heart's pounding against her chest like wildfire, for there has never been a moment more satisfying than this one—to tell the one that's been manipulating her for three years, that she was no longer that crumpled college student he found on the sidewalk that night, that she was not some weak, trophy-wife that would further allow him to belittle her. "but i don't care what you do to me. in fact," she inhales a deep breath, watching as anger brews within his eyes. "i'm breaking up with you."

she'd conceded with everything he wanted because she was so desperate, emotionally dependent on the man that saved her. he was someone she was once thankful for and devoted her life to that it rendered her blindsided from his underlying intentions with their relationship. he never thought she'd see clearly, that his grip over her would weaken, yet as these words utter from her breath, he realizes he was wrong.

she was unsure how long silence was suspended between them, and for a second, she wasn't sure he heard—until he spoke. "you don't get to make that choice. after three years, you don't just wake up one day and decide to throw everything away," he, too, stands from his chair. "i've done so many things for you and you have the nerve to walk away? you're a nobody. you don't do , i'm the one working my off. your damn wardrobe, your schooling, your career. that's all because of me, you ungrateful ."

"yeah, you're the one throwing glass cups at me when you're mad, laying a hand on me to 'remind me who's in charge', emotionally abusing me for those years. do you know how ing psychotic you are? using my own trauma to control me, telling me if i dress a certain way that i'm asking to be attacked?" she scoffs out, fists curling as if to hold back the tears that rival upon her lash line. " you. you for ruining me and making me waste years of my life with someone so messed up. it's over."

she turns her shoulder, before finding herself held up against the wall behind her, the back of her head painfully smacking upon it with the aid of his rough grasp. she screams the second time he slams her, her hands haphazardly attempting to pry his off of her arms. "i won't let you leave me. everything will fall apart if you do. people will talk, investors will drop out," his nails dig into her cardigan. "you think you can enjoy a life of luxury thanks to me, then decide to ing skip out? i should've left you on that damn sidewalk."

"life of luxury? living with you was like hell. i hated every damn second i was there, hated every second that i was your girlfriend—even more than i hated laying lifelessly on that ing sidewalk. i wish you did leave me there, would've saved me from meeting you." she manages to rasp out in the midst of the torment thrumming in her head.

and from that moment, she swears she could see an animalistic glint in his eyes.

his hands forcibly rid her of her cardigan, exposing the numbing skin of her arms and her tank top. she gasps out of pure panic, nearly croaking out as he speaks. "you liked that feeling, huh? of feeling worthless like ing dirt?" calloused fingers of his mercilessly tear at the seams of her top as she winces, letting out a blood-curling scream. "i can make that happen."

her arms cross over her chest, hoping to shield that of her last garment from him as tears wistfully edge off her eyes, that certain confidence she harbored earlier nowhere to be found at his implications. it was nostalgic—those same waves of terror and anxiety washing over her the more he attempted to undress her. "stop, please."

@❛ heejin j。 "that's in your opinion," he's quick to retort. "you would drool over me even if i showed up in a onesie." with this he snorts, accepting her kiss with a smile. "then let's go, my love."

[] to the town square?

@❛ jaemin n。 [] DSFJDJFD CAN U NOT

"you always look good, whenever you don't or do try, you silly," she vaguely explains, clasping her smaller hand in his readily. though before they take off, she tiptoes, pressing a kiss to his cheek, knowing that public affection wasn't exactly his thing. "we shall!"

@❛ heejin j。 [] you make me feel SPECIAL

"i just came from my class, love. i don't really look that great, i didn't try that hard this morning before i left," he chuckles, slipping the shoes onto her feet as though she were his own princess: his personal cinderella. "now," he says, standing and holding a hand out to her. "shall we?"

@❛ jaemin n。 although his nickname of princess is probably one that he's come up with on a whim, she can't help but actually feel like one within the way he cares for her, inevitably having her flushed under his touch. "you make me feel pretty," she says, now standing all prepared. "and you look handsome."

@❛ heejin j。 "i never do," he responds, her chastising tone not lost on him as he separates himself from her to retrieve her desired pair of shoes. "here honey." with these words he kneels, slipping the shoes onto her feet. "you look pretty."

@❛ jaemin n。 "i always want you, don't you forget that, na jaemin," she says in a way that sounds similar to a scold, despite her smile betraying her. as he places her down, she reluctantly releases her hold over him, obnoxiously slouching in her spot. "mm, my black flats?"

@❛ heejin j。 "i don't mind. keep jumping onto me. it makes me feel desired," he grins, another kiss muting his words as he offers it to her. "i think they are too, so we should get going." easily, he walks over to the couch to place her down on it. "which pair do you want? i'll grab for you."

@❛ jaemin n。 "well, it certainly won't be the last, i'll warn you." she muses, running her fingers through his faded tresses as a means of appreciation. readily, she's donned in one of her dresses, hair straightened—though with her slippers still on. "just gotta put on my shoes and then i'm good. i heard the fireworks are going to start soon?"