➱Amusement Park

@‡ Hyungwon [] OMG I TOTALLY FORGOT im so sorry ;;;; yes ill be replying

@† Meto [] Hi, bub. Just wanted to check if you're still up to continue this? ^^

@† Meto /notices your expression and bites my lip, unsure as to what I should say in this situation/
I mean, hooking up isn't bad. I was told that but to use as an escape that I literally don't build connections with others and just want that. . . and to the point that my life just revolved around it, that's what's not so good. . .
/mutters softly/
Uhmm. . . I'm human, I have my needs too but like, if I am to experience it all over again, I'm not sure on what to do. Like, I wouldn't know how to lead or make my partner feel good, I just. . . at this point, I just feel like I'll fail at making anyone feel good or something. . .
/purses my lips and lets out a deep breath, slapping my hand over my thigh gently/
Alrighty. Let's, uhmm, not talk about this anymore. I'm just making things awkward. I'm sorry about that.
/smiles/
Would you like to continue walking around the place? Maybe go on a few more rides? We haven't visited the tiger cubs yet.

@‡ Hyungwon /having a hard time deciding to react to what you say; because on the one hand what you recount obviously is a disturbing memory for you, on the other hand my own past has a lot of what you're describing in it as well... and it's never bothered me; then again, there is one striking difference: while you were placed in situations like that by others, I willingly put myself there/
/looks confused when you describe wanting , craving it as if it was an addiction as a bad thing; is throwing yourself at just about anyone a bad thing? /
/rubs my nape, feeling a little awkward/
I don't think so... /says in response/ I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to . Unless, you know, it bothers you, which it sounds like it did. Six months is a long time though... Damn. /I feel like I'm doing a horrible job at reacting to all the things you're sharing, but empathy has never been my strong suit/

@† Meto Uhmm, I guess it's kinda confusing.
/purses my lips/
I mean, I have the beach house so whenever I visit the club even if I have a place of my own, it means, I want to see y'all again.
/smiles/
But if you're asking how I ended up in the club after being with my parents, well, I'm not sure if I said this before but part of my job in the gang was to. . . please the boss. He took liking to me at a young age and my father said it's okay, that it gives us leverage because everyone in the gang knew not to mess with my family.
/keeps looking down at the table, drawing circles atop of it/
So yeah. . . let's just say that I was exposed to and stuff pretty early on.
/lets out a deep breath/
I came to the club because. . . b-because. . .
/fiddles with my fingers/
I'm sick. . . I feel disgusted saying this but. . . back then, I wanted . I was addicted to it. It's what liberated me, made me feel something, so I was constantly looking for it, wanting it. . .
/feels a shiver run down my body, feeling so exposed and vulnerable since I never told this to anybody outside the office of my therapist/
I've been told my my therapist that it's okay, that it sometimes happens for people who were groomed for so long but still. . . I felt so disgusted, I still feel like it, but I knew I had to stop at some point and get treatment so I did but thinking about it, still makes me feel the ick.
/lets out a deep breath/
Now, I haven't had for months and I'm okay with it, unlike before that it literally makes me feel angry and I was just always ready to throw myself to anyone. . .
/glances at you then down again/
Gross, right?
/lets out a rather awkward laugh/

@‡ Hyungwon /not really knowing what to say I just listen to you and nod now and then to show I'm listening
/laughs lightly when you comment on my aim
/looks at you in momentary confusion
The beach house?
You had it before first coming to the club? /meant to ask why you had first, originally decided to join the club but that's my bad for not being specific/

@† Meto /keeps my cheek on my palm and looks at you then around the restaurant/
It was good back then, but once they have the social services off their backs, that's when it started. They can't have children of their own but they have this grandiose idea of their kids taking care of them until they die and just live a life of luxury, and since my father was into the shady stuff, I was his runner for stuff, because no one suspects a kid.
/smiles a bit/
I pushed through because I thought that it'll be a way for him to treat me like before, that if I obey him, things will go back to normal, but alas, it never did and here we are, after years of childhood trauma and .
/chuckles softly, gets startled as you suddenly grabbed my drink and threw it across the room/
Woah. . . that's a great aim. Nice.
/smiles and was then taken aback by your question/
Uhmm. . . I'm not really sure. The beach house can get lonely at times since I live alone, and well. . .
/purses my lips, looks down my lap as I lean back my seat, fiddling with my fingers, stretching one leg out a bit/
I just wanted to talk to people and uhmm. . . I missed the club and the people there. . .
/trying to answer as vaguely as I could, not really wanting to make things awkward again, smiles/
Anything else that you want to know?
/eyesmile/

@‡ Hyungwon A..ah... /smiles nervously, secretly curious as to what caused that to change/
/also, I'm both impressed and grateful to my own mother for not giving me away, even though I was a handful and she was not a... mother by natural instinct; I decide to be nice the next time I see her/
/takes your drink, stands up and throws it full force at a guy sneaking out of the eatery after picking a woman's purse; I casually sit back down and nod at you to show I'm listening; in the background the commotion has made the woman realise she was stolen from and the drenched guy has been relieved of his loot by the woman's boyfriend/
Hmmm /purses my lips in thought/
What did you come looking for at the club?

@† Meto /chuckles at your words/
Yeah. I was treated like an actual son that they wanted back then.
/smiles and plucks out some cotton candy
Alrighty. I'll get you more later then.
/purses my lips at your words as I slide my drink towards you/
Hmm. . . well. . . I'm not sure what else to tell you, to be honest. I've forgotten most of my childhood and I've been working even before I was a teenager and until now though it had gotten better.
/rests my cheek on my palm as I prop my elbow on the table, looking at you/
You can ask me questions of what else you want to know.
/smiles, picks out more cotton candy, unsure if I should do the same and ask you questions but decides against it/

@‡ Hyungwon Haha... right, yeah, I guess you weren't adopted all your life
/eats another piece of cotton candy
You sound like you were a classic snot-nosed little kid /chuckles
Hm? /my gaze slowly sinks to my little container of cotton candy
... /looks back at you
...
...
... /still thinking
Yeah, help yourself /nods and gestures for you to have at it/
I'm going to get some more on the way out /smiles at that thought/
So, tell me something else, Hyun... Can I borrow your drink for a second?

@† Meto /notices your expression and chuckles/
My parents adored me too at one point, you know.
/grins softly and purses my lips, squinting my eyes a bit/
Well. . . I liked making funny faces, I had one tooth missing and never got anything for it from the tooth fairy.
/chuckles/
And mom said that I'm a pretty active kid but you know, had to stop being a kid at some point, well, forced to anyway.
/shrugs/
Now I'm craving for something sweet but too lazy to get up.
/glances at your cotton candy/
Can I have some?
/smiles/

@‡ Hyungwon /surprised when you mention you've been here before a few times as a kid/
/leans back in my seat and eats another piece of cotton candy while I look at you
So what's the.. 'childish and silly' side of you look like? I don't think I've seen it.

@† Meto /notices that you're not answering my question and just drops it since you seem to not want to tell me or talk about it/
Yeah. I don't know why it's called like that too but it's good.
/chuckles softly and nods/
Yeah. This is one of the places that I can be a kid again. My father used to take me here when I was a kid and I was too young to work. . .
/mutters and smiles/
But I just come here now not because I want to remember him but because this way, I can be a kid again. Who cares if I'm childish and silly here? I can be because this is an amusement park. I can have fun without a care in the world. I have an excuse to do so.
/smiles, finishes my drink and food, wiping my mouth with a napkin, resting my elbow on the table and my cheek on my palm/
And I just like the overall vibe of the place.

@‡ Hyungwon /doesn't answer your question, glossing over it by focusing on the food/
Ooh Hungarian sausage, huh? How fancy... /mutters; no idea where hungary is/
/takes a big bite of mine and chews it slowly
/ my lips and fights a wry smile
I mean... I don't know how many times I'll come here... you like this place, huh?

@† Meto Train?
/tilts my head, looking at you quite confused/
What are you going to train for?
/purses my lips and suddenly remembers that I have food too/
Uhmm. . .
/takes a bite, shows a thumbs up/
It's good. This is my favorite here. Hungarian sausage with cheese.
/eyesmile, takes a sip of my drink, keeps taking small bites/
Can I come with you sometimes if you come here? Like, not everyday but some days?

@‡ Hyungwon /just hums after you say thanks
/grins
Maybe~ I've got to.... train
How's your hotdog? /discreetly changing the topic

@† Meto I dunno. I mean, it's really like over the top. I could be wrong on what they call it.
/rubs my nape and pouts a bit as you said no but smiles after, not wanting to whine over it and ruin the rest of the day/
Thank you for doing it, Meto.
/smiles softly and nods/
Yeah. This place is always open, though during weekends, people are packed in here, there are lots of people too during weekdays but it's really busy during weekends. Why? Are you planning to come here everyday?
/chuckles softly/

@‡ Hyungwon Monster?? /looks to the counter curiously
/imagines what that would taste like and I cant decide if I'd dislike it or love it
/sets the hotdog down and then shakes my head/
No. I just remembered... last time... you asked for this, so... /clears my throat/ ...yeah
/takes a bite out of my own hotdog/
/props my chin on my hand
Do you know if this place is open on weekdays too?

@† Meto /smiles as you got fascinated by the cotton candy/
This place is on steroid when it comes to their desserts. Like, they have these. . . monster? Is that what they call it?
/squints my eyes and shakes my head/
Anyway, you know those frappe drinks, right? Or shakes? They will do that, put it in a mason jar and then, they like, really put a loooooooooot of stuff in it. Like, lots of whipped cream, the outside of the jar has some nutella and they have this bubblegum frappe and the toppings are cream, cotton candy, candy canes, lollipops and so much more. I would've gotten that one but I'm not sure if you'd like it.
/chuckles softly and smiles as you start eating/
Isn't it? I like cotton candies too but not too much. I prefer chocolate treats.
/smiles softly and takes a sip from my drink and blinks as you hold he hotdog up, noticing your ears turning pink/
Oh. Thank you~
/smiles softly and takes a bite/
Uhmm, can I feed you too?

@‡ Hyungwon /watches you go, biting down on the inside of my cheek as I think
/I've always looked down on people who were as nice and helpful as you, to me their behaviour seemed naive, childish and untrustworthy; they would either stop once they didn't get from me what they wanted, or it was a ruse aimed to manipulate me/
/you, however... I've pushed you away countless times and you've never stopped being nice to me, only holding back when I made you because your... niceness... freaked me out/
/reflecting on what happened today, never in my life did I think I would ask someone for a piggyback ride without a second thought and actually enjoy it; I wonder if your 'softness' has smoothed some of my rough edges, like waves do to rocks; I... think it's a good thing that I can stop being so concerned with appearing 'strong' all the time, but it also makes me nervous that I might never be able to reclaim my old job as a dom because I've gotten too soft/
/I sigh and play with a napkin, folding it into a crane but the fabric is far too soft to hold/
/feels you approach and looks up/
Thanks /reaches for the drink, immediately taking a sip; my eyes widen slightly when you present the cup of cotton candy/
Oh wow, I've never seen it come like that before..
/pinches some of the fluff with my fingers, pulls it out with some candies and eats it
/groans happily at the sweet heaven melting in my mouth
This is so good- /reports, completely genuine/
Ah /remembers something, blushes a bit and sets down the cup/
/can't believe I'm doing this/
/takes your hotdog and holds it up for you to take a bite out of; my ears are pink/

@† Meto I'll be at your service, Sir.
/bows playfully in front of you and purses my lips as you asked me/
I think I'll get some hotdogs too. Wait here, okay?
/gets up from my chair and gets the hotdogs and drinks first then the cotton candy that you requested but it's in a cute cup and piled up with lots of candies on top/
Here you go.
/smiles softly, sits in front of you again/
Enjoy~

@‡ Hyungwon /grins happily as you walk along, enjoying this more than I thought I would/
Ooh /getting hungry when I see where you're going
/chuckles when you set me down and crosses one leg over the other
Hah, what service~ You'd make a great butler, Hyun /smirks
/starts browsing the menu and then looks at you
What are you getting?

@† Meto /happily carries you on my back and keeps walking since you're light/
Hotdog, cotton candy, and something to drink. I got you.
/smiles softly and walks towards a store that has everything that you want, walks towards the quiet area of the store and puts you down on a chair, hands you the menu that's on the table/
Just let me know what else you want. They have hotdogs, drinks, sweets, popcorn. Everything.
/eyesmile/
Just sit here and I'll get everything for you.

@‡ Hyungwon /gets onto your back, not minding the looks we get and wraps my arms loosely around your shoulders/
/rests my chin on your shoulder
Hm... a hot dog, and something to drink

@† Meto /smiles as you did but soon pouts as you said that I can't hold you hand/
Oh. . . okay. . .
/then hears your next words and smiles/
Alrighty. Let's get you some.
/gets on one knee on the ground in front of you as I wait for you to get on my back/
What else do you want aside from cotton candy?

@‡ Hyungwon /cracks a smile when you nod
/smirks when you timidly ask if you can hold my hand
No, but you can give me a piggyback ride. Let's go get some cotton candy, I need something sweet.

@† Meto /bites my lip as you tilted my head up with your hand under my chin, and as you take my hand in yours, I felt a bit of relief/
I. . .
/gets caught off guard as you looked me in the eye, nods slowly/
Okay, Meto. I'll trust you, and no blame myself, and not do multiple checks. . .
/looks at our clasped hands/
Can I still hold your hand?
/asks you carefully and keeps my eyes on our hands for a moment then looks at you/

@‡ Hyungwon /narrows my eyes and decides to be difficult/
/reaches out and tilts your chin up so you look at me/
...Before we do that... /drops my hand from your chin and takes your hand/
Don't feel bad, alright? I understand that you got worried, but don't blame yourself for the things I do.
I don't want you to double and triple-check when I say something. Just... believe me, okay?
/looks you in the eyes/ Trust me.

@† Meto /looks only at your hand as you fished your phone out of your pocket and keeps biting on my lip as you spoke/
It's not your fault. I'm sorry too. I hope the day isn't ruined yet and we can still go around. . .
/glances at you for a moment and looks down again, taking deep breaths/
I. . . uhmm. . . would you like to go on a walk? Or maybe go to the cub?
/smiles a bit/

@‡ Hyungwon /for a moment when you wipe your tears I think the slap worked but then I see you cower, so timid/
Yeah... /takes out my phone and turns the alarm off, then puts the phone away/
/looks back at you/
Hyun. Look at me. Don't blame yourself for my decisions. I'm sorry for scaring you, okay?