➱Hospital

@† Hyunjin just 'give her attention' huh? well, i suppose so - they're not entirely off, it's essentially what you gotta do. create all these different core memories and such.
/as you spoke words of praise, my head finally raises to lock gazes with you and a soft smile morphs its way onto my features. there's even a soft pinkish hue spreading across my cheeks. continuing to cradle anna with one arm, i carefully shift the other to be able to reach out so i could cup your cheek in my palm and gently caress the skin there.
imagine how it's gonna be when she turns five or when we watch her graduate high school.. god, i can't wait to watch her grow with you, jinnie. she's perfect, and so are you.
/i lean in for a few stolen little kisses before my attention is grabbed by a small whine. gently cooing to help bring comfort, i bring her closer to me as she begins to wake up. i press a kiss to her forehead and her fussing begins to die down as she soon returns to dreaming.
she's not gonna have the life we had.. she'll have the life we never had.

@‡ Christopher /sitting back he lets the nurses do their tests, thanking them quietly once they give you the all clear and he smiles in relief, leaning over to kiss you cheek as they leave, smiling down at the precious little baby girl in your arms/
The nurses were giving me tips on how to bond with her. It's mostly just 'give her attention' like she's a puppy or something.
/chuckling softly he, looks at you with a warm and adoring smile/
God you are so beautiful, I can't believe we're here right now. I can't believe she's here right now. She's so incredibly perfect, just as perfect as you are.
/resting his head lightly against yours he looks down at her, even though he'd been staring at her for the last four hours, he didn't think he would ever get tired of looking at her. She was just so tiny, and so precious, and every time he looked at her again he saw something else that reminded him of you/

@† Hyunjin hours? really? it honestly feels like days - i guess i'm still a little out of it.
/huffs out a small laugh, gently scooping her up in my arms and holding her close to my chest as i lean back. she was sound asleep now. peaceful, so fresh and innocent to the world. my eyes soften and i reach up to carefully brush my fingertips over her cheek.
such a perfect girl.. she's so beautiful, jinnie. i see both of us in her. i wonder who she'll turn out to be.. either way, i hope she'll learn how to accept herself one day. the world is only getting uglier by the day - i can't help but worry.
and yes i feel otherwise fine aside from the aches and the pain.. i'm still quite tired but i think that's all the sleep my body will allow for a little while. or is that just a me thing..? i could never sleep that well when i was in pain.
/hums thoughtfully, only tearing my gaze away for a moment when some nurses walk in, turning on one of the lights in tbe process. it provided a soft and warm glow that wasn't going to make our eyes burn with the brightness. nor, apparently, stir our daughter. i let them do some tests after reassuring me that i could still hold her in the mean time. they were double checking my vital signs and my blood pressure, asking questions to see if i felt nausea or any lightheadedness, dizziness, or anything along those lines.
i'm still a bit nausious and.. yeah, definitely dizzy and stuff but otherwise i feel fine.
/with that a green light for my vitals, they decide to remove the mask since i no longer needed it to help keep me stable. i take a breath of fresh air, exhaling it slowly before leaning down to press a light kiss to anna's forehead.
look at you, little rose.. already a daddy's girl, huh?

@† Hyunjin ( wait i hit send too soon hang on )

@† Hyunjin hours? really? it honestly feels like days - i guess i'm still a little out of it.
/huffs out a small laugh, gently scooping her up in my arms and holding her close to my chest as i lean back. she was sound asleep now. peaceful, so fresh and innocent to the world. my eyes soften and i reach up to carefully brush my fingertips over her cheek.
such a perfect girl.. she's so beautiful, jinnie. i see both of us in her. i wonder who she'll turn out to be.. either way, i hope she'll learn how to accept herself one day. the world is only getting uglier by the day - i can't help but worry.

@‡ Christopher You've been out for hours
/he admits, gently handing Anna to you as soon as you reached for her, helping you hold her comfortably and sitting down on the bed next to you where there's just enough space/
/taking out his phone he checks the time and his texts, smiling a little at the responses he got from Meto and Hyungsoo/
It's almost 9pm. How are you feeling?
/reaching out he hits the button for the nurses, since he promised he would alert them as soon as you woke up again, they'd been very nice and supportive helping him and keeping him calm while you were out, he appreciated them very much/
You know it will, but so far she's been perfect. She hasn't cried at all, she took her bottle easily and didn't even pee on me when I tried to change her diaper.

@† Hyunjin /i could hear you speaking quietly, words jumbled for the first few secoonds before eventually losing the blur around their edges. you were talking about taehyung and hyungsoo, obviously, and i couldn't help chuckle quietly when you even brag a little. i continue watching you until you finally notice that i had awoken, to which i smile behind the mask in greeting.
hey, my love. how long was i out..?
and what time is it anyways?
/asks quietly, mumbling like the way i would when i just woke up from a deep sleep. hwoever, when i spot the bundle in your arms, i feel more awake now. reaching out despite the ache burrowed deep, i hold my hands out in a silent way of asking if i could hold her. since she was still in your arms i didn't want to just take her im case you wanted to hold her longer.
is she? i hope that sticks then but i'm sure eventually uer trouble-maker attitude will make an appearance some day.

[post deleted by owner]

@‡ Christopher /by the time you wake up he's already fed Anna and learned how to change her diaper once already, he had been telling her stories when she was wake, and just cradling her and rocking her when she was asleep. In the entire four hours that you slept he hadn't put her down even once. Every time the nurses came to check on her he would help them, and they would reassure him she was healthy and that you were too./
/he does end up taking a few pictures at one point, but he hasn't sent any of them yet, he's not really worried about the rest of the world, when the world inside that room is far more important/
/when you do wake up, Anna seems to be awake again and he's in the middle of another little story/
And then your Uncle Taehyung proposed! Can you believe that? He promised to your Uncle Hyungsoo, and it was really cute. But I knew about it first. I got them together you know, I'm pretty great.
/he whispers, looking up in surprise when he hears the bed move and a bright and relieved smile stretches across his face/
Babe, you're awake. Thank god
/standing up he carries Anna over to you, leaning down to kiss your forehead/
We've been waiting for you. She's an absolute angel, so far. I give her a week for her personality to come out and then we'll need to call an exorcist I'm sure.

@† Hyunjin /after hearing your voice murmuring those sweet words back to me, i finally allow myself to slip into slumber. a part of me knew that i would later feel guilty, having not gotten a chance to properly hold or 'meet' my daughter due to the exertion of childbirth. but i just couldn't keep my eyes open any longer and the other part of me said that it was going to be just fine.
/so i slept. for nearly four hours before eventually drifting awake. when i came to, i realized several things. one was the room change. they had moved from a triage room to a regular room in the maternity floor of the hospital; a 'ward' of sorts for new parents that provided a temporary stay for a short recovery period and proper monitoring. another thing was that it seemed to be a bit late a night if the darkened sky outside the window didn't say anything. there was no clock in the room either so i couldn't tell the time. another thing was how much pain my entire body was in. it resignated mostly around my hips and lower back, though. the thought of moving filled me with dread but i mustered up enough willpower to pad around for the bed's remote and after a moment of blinking at the buttons. i find the right one, pressing it and holding as the upper half of the bed slowly began lifting to help me be in a seated position.
/where were you and anna though? thought causes me to look up and peer around the darkened room, trying to figure out shapes and outlines.

@‡ Christopher I love you too, baby. So much.
/he promises, sitting with you until you fall asleep. Once he's sure you're really asleep he moves over to the more comfortable chair, reclining back a little bit and looking down at Anna again now that he can give her his full attention/
Goodness baby girl, you know how to make an entrance don't you?
/he whispered, smiling a little at the way the fine little hair on her head was already starting to curl now that it was drying. She had so much of you in her, and so much of him too, and even though he knew that made sense it still felt like some kind of profound miracle. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to her forehead/
I'm going to be so at this for a while Princess, I hope you can be patient with me. I promise, you're going to have a better life than I ever did. Not that the bar is real high on that one, but I'm going to make sure you're happy. I'll make sure you know you're loved.

@† Hyunjin together.
/echoes softly as though to seal the little promise and further offer more reassurance. i wasn't going anywhere. i didn't plan on leaving you and i certainly wasn't about to let anyone get in the way of our progress. we've come a long way, both individually and together as a couple. in a way, we grew together before finally reaching this moment, this... euphoria of happiness and, , i'm even more thrilled to marry you.
since i'll be your husband soon, you should get more used to calling me christopher hwang.
/closes my eyes as i mumble tiredly, letting my fingers linger against your cheek for a little while longer before i slowly pull it back just as a nurse happens to overhear. she began whispering to her fellow nurse to go get a heated blanket to help regulate my temperature and bring more comfort. they return a short moment later with two in hand and together they unfold the blankets to lay over me. i sigh breathlessly, feeling myself sink more into exhaustion with the added weight and warmth.
mm.. i love you, jinnie..

@‡ Christopher We'll be scared together
/he agrees quietly, nodding and reassuring himself with that even if he has to repeat it to himself a few times. Smiling softly he moves closer so he can kiss your forehead, whispering/
Congratulations Christopher Bang, you're officially a mother, and soon you'll be my husband. Get some sleep baby, I'll take care of you and Anna.
/he promises, brushing the sweaty hair from your face and kissing your forehead again. He knew you needed to rest more than anything, and hopefully you would feel better once you had. The room was comfortable enough, there was a chair and even an extra bed for him for later. He was sure the nurses would come in to help him once it was time to feed Anna, but hopefully she would be okay with sleep and her daddy's attention for now/

@† Hyunjin /looking back at you and seeing the unshed tears, i find myself reaching out with a trembling hand to brush my fingers along the hill of your cheek in a soothing caress. my touches were light, seeing as i didn't have a lot of energy right now, but i still did my best to try to comfort you. i never liked the sight of tears in your eyes anyways. you didn't deserve to cry.
it's alright, my love.. i'm scared, too.
but it's okay, right..? together, remember..? we'll be scared together.
/my voice is muffled behind the oxygen mask and it was also a little slurred. i wanted to sleep but i still wanted to watch this scene before me for a little while longer, mentally engraving it into a core memory.
congratulations, hwang hyunjin.. you're now officially a father.

@‡ Christopher Hi beautiful
/he whispered when he saw her pretty eyes looking up at him, they looked just like yours and somehow that just made all of this feel even less real. It felt like some kind of very strange dream. He felt like he was just waiting to wake up, probably passed out in an alley somewhere, though given how long it has been it's probably more like a hospital room somewhere. Like none of this was real, maybe it never had been, it didn't feel real and he was blinking back tears for more reasons than one/
/one of the nurses thankfully seemed to notice and she reached out to get his attention, asking him questions about you and himself, filling out paperwork of some kind and it was enough to pull him out of the mental spiral he had been headed down as he rattled off both his name and yours, as well their address and a reliable phone number, his breathing returning to normal by the time she finishes but he notices that she doesn't go far, saying something to another member of staff as she hands the paperwork over/
/taking a deep breath he looked back down at Anna, looking over her face and brushing a light finger against the little mole under her eye/
That is statistically improbable... so are your eyes
/he mumbled, because somehow focusing on the little details made him feel better and focused on breathing, watching her breathe too and taking a small comfort in that. Finally he lifted his eyes to look at you, unshed tears still lingering/
I think I'm scared

@† Hyunjin /watches as you draw closer, mustering up enough energy to give a gentle squeeze of the hand before i too glance down at our anna. i'm unable to look away. having her physically present now felt so surreal. i watch as she blinks her doe eyes up at you, tiny little hands grasping on the blanket. how precious, i thought. now that i could finally, /finally/ see you holding your daughter, there was nothing but pure elation and joy swelling in my chest and bringing fresh tears to my eyes.
anna..
/i wanted to take a picture of you in this moment right now; looking down at her for the first time, holding her in your arms for the first time. providing you a proper family was not necessarily a goal or a need but more like a desire. neither of us had desirable living situations as we grew up but there was still a vast difference in our lives; had blood family that still existed in my life. all i ever wanted was to give you something /real/, something to call yours. getting pregnant was certainly not originally planned and yet... i couldn't be angry at the end result.

@‡ Christopher /he's doing his best to actively listen to the nurses and not just snap at them to fix it, taking a few deep breaths and nodding when they explain what is going on and that you're okay but they want to monitor you. He doesn't say anything sarcastic but he's definitely thinking some unflattering things as he moves back to your side, sitting down next to the bed again and reaching out to take your hand, still holding Anna against his chest though he's barely even had time to look at her yet/
I'm right here baby, you're going to be fine I promise. You did amazing, you did so well.
Anna is...
/pausing he actually lets go of your hand to finally look at his daughter properly, adjusting her in his arms so he could see her tiny little face, looking at her features and feeling that sense of shock and disbelief all over again as he looked down at her/
Anna is perfect, baby, she's absolutely perfect

@† Hyunjin /the light is bright even though it's a tiny little beam. then again the entire room was white so it didn't help the sting in my eye - everything just seemed way too right now and i felt the urge to close my eyes again. the nurse thankfully leans away after a moment, panicked expression melting into relief as she turns to converse with the other nurses, who soon entail the information to you. i was running a cold fever on top of the low blood pressure levels but otherwise, i was fine. apparently it was common for the males to have a more.. ungraceful childbirth but i seemed to have handled it well from their comments. however, they wanted to keep me overnight just as a precaution for the small health scare.
mm..
/stirs a little, turning my head slowly to look off at the side. my vision finally settles and i could make out your figure and the pink bundle in your arms. i call out to you but my voice is weak and practically inaudible under the other voices of the nurses explaining things to you so i try again, voice raspy and throat feeling like sand-paper from all the screams.
jinnie..?

@‡ Christopher Anna Rose, her name is Anna Rose
/he answers the nurse when he realizes that you aren't, he knew you'd be exhausted but he can't help feeling concerned as you barely even seem conscious enough to talk to him/
Baby?
/carefully, as gently as he can, he takes the baby from you, cradling her against his chest and he feels so torn but when the monitors start to go haywire he panicked, holding Anna protectively against his chest as he yells your name, only to get gently but forcefully pushed back by the nurses who all rush to you/
What's going on?!
/he demands, raising his voice for a moment before remembering he has a newborn baby in his arms and he forces himself to lower his voice again, holding Anna close and hovering anxiously until they reassure him that you're fine and it was just your blood pressure but it really doesn't do much to help him relax/
, , baby girl, don't listen I'm not supposed to curse in front of kids. Don't tell your mom...

@† Hyunjin /she was much smaller than i expected her to be but then again babies naturally were right out of childbirth. she just looked so... fragile and i was instantly overcome with a wave of protectiveness wash over me; i wasn't going to let anything happen to our little one. not now, not ever. i hear one of the nurses ask about names but i'm too tired and spent and, frankly, i'm rather light-headed and dizzy as well to be able to respond properly. i simply hum weakly in reply, tiredly gazing down at our daughter and taking in her features.
/it was clear that she'd grow up to have your defined features; she had your eye shape and even the little mole under her left eye. her eyes then peered open for a few seconds before closing shut once more however it was enough of a glimpse for me to notice her mismatched hues. just like mine.
baby... look.
/murmurs quietly, urging you to come closer and take your turn to hold her. just as she leaves my hold, i start to feel as if my head is warping in an out. my vision was starting to sway. the next thing i know, a mask is covering my nose and mouth as i blink my eyes open sluggishly, seeing a nurse leaning over me shining a light in my eye. i wasn't sure what was going on, disoriented and oblivious to how my blood pressure took a plunge and i had lost consciousness for a few minutes before coming to.

@‡ Christopher /to say that witnessing the birth of his daughter wasn't traumatizing would be a lie, it was awful seeing you in so much pain and not able to do anything but clean the sweat off your face with a damp cloth he'd been handed at one point by a helpful nurse. You were hurting so badly, and he swore to himself he was booking a vasectomy appointment the first chance he got, maybe even before they left the hospital, because they were never ever ever going through this again/
/of course that panicked thought process came to a screeching halt when he heard the baby crying for the first time and he just stared in wide-eyed disbelief as they placed the little wrapped bundle into your arms/
Oh my god she's real...
/he whispered, rather unintelligent but that was where his mind was at the moment, just struggling to belief that he really had a daughter and she was actually here in your arms and not just an idea in his head/

@† Hyunjin /lets out a strained laugh at your response and returns the kiss before pressing our foreheads together. it wasn't hitting me until now that our little family was really about to take place, that it was actually real this time. i take a moment to stare into your eyes and to admire your features with nothing but love in my own eyes.
together.. yes, i won't leave your side the e-entire step of the way, jinnie, i promise. i promise.
/another deep breath and i'm looking over at the doctor, nodding to signal that i was ready. and i won't lie the whole delivery process was... excruciating. it was the worst pain i've ever felt. i was trembling hard, beads of sweat rolling down my temples and sticking to my skin like a second layer and i was breathing heavily by the time it was over and the sound of a baby's cry resonated through the room. exhausted, completely spent and in a horrendous amount of pain, it was a struggle to keep my eyes open enough to notice a nurse carefully setting a wrapped up bundle into my arms. i force them open to cradle our daughter, who was comfortably laying in a soft pink and white blanket.

@‡ Christopher Oh god no, I'm not ready for this. I haven't been ready for this since you told me you were pregnant
/he admits, fully honest as he manages a shaky smile and kisses you again quickly, he has a feeling that their daughter is minutes away from announcing her entrance into the world and he's both excited and utterly terrified/
but it's okay, because we're going to be not ready for this together, and we're going to figure it out
we're going to be an amazing family babe, I promise you. Even if we don't sleep for the next three years, we will get through it together. Every step of the way, we'll get through it together

@† Hyunjin ( okay b e t imma do that in the next reply then XD )

buy me sunflowers too, while you're at it.
/jests with a small laugh, giving your hand a squeeze before using my grip to gently pull you down for a few kisses. i was more calm than i was a few minutes ago and appeared to be holding myself a bit steadier now. once i knew that you weren't actually going anywhere, that we were in the right place at the right time with the right kind of help, i felt more secure and grounded. however, the pain that will surely come here momentarily will probably be enough to jostle me back into distress.
a paperweight-- hah but what if anna's a crier..? , i hope she isn't a-at least. if i thought i wasn't getting enough sleep now then it'll probably get worse when she's actually here.
/i was certainly not looking forward to that but it would be well worth it so i couldn't find it within myself to complain. tensing up as yet another contraction comes and doesn't quite seem to fade, my hold tightens on your hand as i turn to look you in the eye with a shaky breath;
a-are you sure you're ready for this, jinnie..?

@‡ Christopher (I basically glossed over it with Beomgyu by giving him a c-section XD so don't worry about it, we can also just casually skip the the baby here part too)

Babe, I will buy you a dozen burgers after this.
/he promises, holding your hand with both of his now and just trying to do whatever he can to help distract you because he knows the pain is going to hit if it hasn't yet and there will be nothing he can do once it does/
She's going to need a job, I hope she's been thinking about that. Maybe she can be a paperweight on Taehyung's desk for a few months. I'm sure he would pay her for that.
Or we can give her a little sign and we can take turns taking her to busy intersections to get money out of people, I bet she would be great at that.

@† Hyunjin ( i'm so sorry if my replies sdosjdo i haven't done a scene like this in y e a r s so i lowkey forgot how this even works ^^;; )

/listens quietly, chewing on my bottom lip when i feel it quiver a little. truthfully, i'm not sure why i was suddenly worried that you'd up and leave. i guess it's because i was actually starting to act as scared as i've been feeling lately. i nod softly, taking a few more deep breathes because apparently it'll be 'any minute now' so i focus on trying to clear my mind and steady my nerves.
.. we're s-so making her pay a ton in rent for this, y-yeah. it's only fair, r-right?
living here r-rent free, eating up half of our food.. ridiculous.
/mutters sarcastically, leaning my head back and letting my eyes fall shut for a moment.
i am so eating a ing burger after this.

@‡ Christopher I am not going anywhere, seriously. Even if all of the hospital's security showed up to try to kick me out I wouldn't leave you
/standing up now he moves closer to you, leaning down to kiss you to try to help calm you down a bit/
I'm not leaving, not for a second. I'll be right here the whole time
/he's not surprised by how quickly everyone is moving, as soon as you said the contractions were only a minute apart he knew that the baby was coming, which was both a blessing and very stressful, he was hoping they would have a little more time than this/

@† Hyunjin .. i-i'm actually pretty scared.
/admits with a sheepish laugh, as though i was embarrassed. i couldn't calm my racing mind and the heart monitor beeped at rapid bursts in time with my erratic heart-rate. i tried not to pay too much attention on the nurses and instead put all of my focus on you.
you won't leave right..? y-you won't leave..?
/before i could hear your response, i start hearing them talking about dilation and being in the afterbirth stage and i'm not sure what that entirely means but it seems to make everyone else in the room move faster before ultimately surrounding the bed after dressing themselves in the necessary equipment. nervous, i glance over towards you as a second nurse occupies my free side to offer addition support, letting me grip their hand as well.
jinnie-

@‡ Christopher /he does manage to relax a little bit once you're in the bed and set up with the monitors, enough that he manages to send out a quick text, with one hand of course, to Hyungsoo, Taehyung, and Meto that the baby was coming. He didn't have time to send more than that, tucking his phone away to turn all his attention to you/
I love you too, baby, I love you so much
/smiling he squeezed your hand, sitting down right next to you as close as he could bring the chair, kissing your fingers/
It's fine, we're fine the doctors and nurses know what they're doing. Anna is apparently very ready to be out in the world, she's going to immediately regret that when we tell her she'll have to pay rent and she owes us back rent for last nine months

@† Hyunjin /as the nurses rush out with a wheelchair in tow, i reluctantly pull myself up into a seated position and begin to carefully move around. the entire time we're moving down the hall, i'm gripping on to your hand and refuses to let go even when they're helping me into the bed - i actually have to quickly assure them that you were the father otherwise one of the nurses would've continued trying to nudge you out of the room.
yeah, i-it'll be okay-- tell yourself that too, my love.
/whispers shakily, now fully settled into the bed with one hand occupied and the other hand pushing my bangs away from my forehead; i was already beginning to sweat. even as the nurses got everything set up, which included the heart monitor naturally, i felt very overwhelmed with the rush of everything and how it all seemed to flip within seconds. i was starting to freak out a little but otherwise kept myself calm with the help of your presence.
i-i love you, jinnie..