↳ Music room

@♦ Jongin Jinki nodded, slowly running his hands down Jongin's back until they trailed over his . He still had the bottle of lube in one hand, so it was a little awkward, but he didn't really care. He uncapped the lube and poured some onto his fingers, accidentally pouring too much since he couldn't see what he was doing in this position. "Just try to relax. Let me know if you want me to stop," he said, putting the bottle of lube on the shower shelf. With the hand not currently covered in lube he gently grabbed one of Jongin's cheeks and pulled it out, giving his other hand the chance to trail down and slowly rub a finger over Jongin's hole.

@Jinki "J-just do it," Jongin squeaked, trying his best to somehow evaporate with the steam that was filling the room, he didn't think he could actually get much more embarrassed, but already knew that was a lie. He could always get more embarrassed, and usually it was a painful and humiliating embarrassment that he would rather not think about when he was determined to try to have fun. He cared about Jinki a lot, and he believed that Jinki cared about him too, and he wanted this to be a good first or second or whatever time this counted as. He wanted to be good because he knew deep down inside that Kai had already set a bar that was too high for Jongin to reach in this category. He wasn't going to be anything like Kai had been and if Jinki didn't like it in the end there wasn't a whole lot that Jongin could do about that. He wanted to savor this while he had it because he wasn't convinced that Jinki would want it again when this was over.

@♦ Jongin Jinki would have facepalmed over himself if he wasn't rubbing Jongin's back soothingly with both hands; of course Jongin wouldn't know those terms, how stupid of Jinki. "Okay. We have all the time in the world," he agreed readily, not at all minding taking it slow with Jongin. Holding Jongin like that would make it a little more difficult to prepare him, but Jinki didn't care when it seemed like Jongin felt most comfortable like this. "Do you want me to talk you through what I'm doing or do you just want me to do it?" he asked. He really wasn't sure; on one hand it might be a comfort for Jongin to know what the heck Jinki was doing as a little warning before it happened, but on the other hand he wouldn't be surprised if it would make Jongin mortified with embarrassment as well.

@Jinki "W-what? What do you m-mean? Bottom? Top? I...w-what?" Jongin looked utterly confused as he looked back up at Jinki, relaxing almost immediately once he wasn't on his knees anymore and Jongin was safely back in his arms. He always felt a lot better in Jinki's arms, he was starting to think it was the safest place he could ever be. Even though knew that not even Jinki could same him when Kai's anger acted up again, but at least now he didn't have to face it alone. "I'm s-sorry, I don't really u-understand what you're asking," he admitted with a soft sigh, resting his cheek on Jinki's chest and closing his eyes. "I just want what you did with Kai, but... m-maybe not so fast," he said, he had some vague memories of what happened that night, and he could always access Kai's memories of it if he wanted to but he tried not to do that. He didn't want to experience something like that second hand, he would rather feel it for himself.

@♦ Jongin "No," Jinki replied immediately, getting up again and pulling Jongin back into his arms. "Not if you'd rather want me up here." He knew Kai had said not to ask Jongin but just do thing, but he didn't feel right just throttling through when it was Jongin's firsr time. "I know you probably don't want to answer this question, but I need you to, okay? It's completely okay if you don't want to bottom, but you have to tell me if that is the case. I would love to bottom for you if you are more comfortable with topping. But you have to let me know so we can both have the best experience possible," he said, hoping his question wouldn't send Jongin into another panic frenzy.

@Jinki "W-what?!" Jongin squeaked, looking slightly shocked at the sudden turn of events, until he remembered why they were even in the shower in the first place and his face flushed the color of a ripe tomato. "D-do you h-have to be d-down there when you d-do it?" He stuttered, missing the closeness of Jinki's body to hide in and the comfort it brought. He felt exposed when Jinki was on his knees like that, even in the shower Jongin. Even when he knew the only other person who could ever see them was Kai. He didn't know what to expect from this, he'd never had anything inside him before. His body may have, but his mind, his conscious self was still entirely oblivious to what exactly was going to happen and how it was going to feel. He was scared it would hurt and he wanted the comfort of Jinki to lean on if it did.

@♦ Jongin Jinki chuckled at Jongin's mumble, leaning in and placing yet another kiss on his forehead. He would kiss every single inch of Jongin's body if the other let him. That would have to wait for later, though. He shook his head a little, running his hand through Jongin's wet hair. "I know. We will find a way to make him better, I promise," he said softly, still believing that it wasn't Kai who was actually saying and doing those cruel things. He simply hadn't had the time to look it up more. "You are beautiful and amazing and gorgeous in this form," he then added, slowly pushing Jongin away so he could look at him. "And right now I really want to have with you. Right here. So lean back and enjoy," he said, kneeling down again, one hand grabbing the lube on the floor while the other wrapped around Jongin's mostly soft member.

@Jinki "C-cut off your wings?" Jongin repeated with a slightly horrified expression, "Y-you've been w-watching too many bad Disney remakes hyung..." He mumbled, but he did manage to calm down at Jinki's words. He didn't know if he 100% believed him yet, but he wanted to trust Jinki more than anything. At least if Jinki hurt him then he could die knowing he'd tried. If he continued to hide forever he would never know if he was capable of being loved or not. It surprised him a little how alike he and Jinki thought even though they went through different experiences, "I like you and want you in a lot of ways," he admitted, his face turning a little red at the confession. He was probably never going to get over his natural shyness, no matter how many times he told Jinki he liked him. "You're a lot more likable than me you know hyung. You're a phoenix so I bet you're other form is really pretty and amazing. All I have is Kai, and he's just mean most of the time..."

@♦ Jongin "Oh, sweetie," Jinki said softly, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Jongin's forehead. "I could never, /ever/ hate you. You are far too precious to hate. I promise you, even if you... even if you cut off my wings in my sleep, I would never hate you," he promised, knowing that it was the truth. Jongin had quickly become the most important person ever to him, and he would give him anything if it made him feel better. "I see it as a huge compliment that you want me, to be honest," he added in a softer voice. "I wasn't sure I was... likeable, anymore. So it makes me feel really, really happy to know that you like me and want me like that."

@Jinki "You promise?" Jongin whispered, his voice shaky and vulnerable. "If y-you... h-hate me a-after this I-I w-won't b-be okay," he admitted quietly. Kai could try to break him all he wanted, as weak as Jongin was he could at least hold out against Kai because he was used to Kai's hatred. He was used to the hatred that Kai brought out in others. But if Jinki grew to hate him of his own free will then every last hope that Jongin had been so desperately clinging to would shatter and he would have nothing left. The next time Kai tore him down he knew it would be the last. He had always known somewhere in the back of his mind that it was all going to end in suicide. He was just waiting for that last straw to break. That's why trusting Jinki was so hard, he didn't want to die, and giving someone else the ability to break him wasn't an easy thing to do.

@♦ Jongin Jinki didn't hesitate to wrap his own arms around Jongin, holding him tightly in return. "I know, baby, I know. It wasn't right of him to do so. But I know you can beat this. I know we can beat this together. I don't think Kai is Kai when he says things like that to other people. Just like when he said stuff to me; it's your own thoughts that he turns against you. I know he has been cruel to you, but you can beat it. Whatever it is that possesses him to say those things... you can beat it by showing the thing that it's wrong. There is nothing wrong with you for wanting . There is nothing wrong with me for wanting . The only time there is something wrong with wanting , is when you force your partner to have it. And you are not forcing me, not at all. I want you so, so bad, you have no idea. And there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with wanting," he said, trying hard to make Jongin understand.

@Jinki Jongin sniffled but tried his best to do what Jinki said, he was still shaking but he managed to calm down enough at least try to answer the questions. "Y-you're n-not a... n-not. I... I d-don't know w-why..." he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes and feeling incredibly small all of a sudden. He wrapped his shaky arms around Jinki and buried his face in his chest clinging onto him tightly. He didn't know why he hated himself so much, he didn't know why it was so hard for him to just calm down and let himself enjoy it when he knew very well that they both wanted it. No... that was a lie... he knew exactly why he freaked out as badly as he did. He could easily recall every vicious insult Kai had ever thrown at him, every mocking laugh, and cruel taunt. Every single time he'd been called a after Kai worked up to the point Jongin finally broke and begged him. He knew why he was acting this way. Trained habits were hard to break after all, and Jinki was the first person to have touched him of his own free will other than Kai. "He's just... awful. He made me th-think it was wrong."

@♦ Jongin Jinki was not really surprised when Jongin came almost immediately, knowing how wound up he was. "Jongin, stop," Jinki ordered, getting up and taking a hold of Jongin's shoulders, forcing him to face him. "You have to stop. I want this. You want this. There is no shame in that. I /want/ to give you pleasure like this. It makes me feel proud that I can do it. Stop trying to hide and enjoy it instead. Give in to the pleasure. Do you think I'm a for enjoying the you just gave me? If you don't, why the hell do you think you are one? It's okay to have desires, it's okay to want things. You are no different than everybody else, so stop feeling so ashamed," he said, trying hard to cut through Jongin's fog of self-loathing.

@Jinki Jongin frantically tried to push Jinki away at first, not wanting him that close to the cause of his humiliation. But Jinki was a lot stronger than he was, and in the end Jongin moved his hands to cover his face instead. He wanted to hide, he didn't want Jinki looking at him. It was too embarrassing and he wanted to cry, his thoughts were quickly cut off by a choked scream when he suddenly felt blissfully scorching heat surrounding him. He had never imagined something could feel like that and he was barely engulfed in Jinki's mouth before he came too quickly to even manage to draw a breath to warn him. As soon as the pleasure subsided and he realized what he'd done a wave of shame washed over him and he scrambled to hide himself again, humiliated tears slipping down his cheeks.

@♦ Jongin "Come on," Jinki said, holding out a hand as he stepped into the shower, pulling Jongin along with him. He had the lube in his other hand, but he decided to alleviate Jongin's problem before moving further, hoping that it would help loosen him up a bit. "I want to you off while preparing you," he said, unceremoniously dropping to his knees in front of the younger. The bottle of lube rattled against the floor as he scooted closer, fingers wrapping around Jongin's wrist to pull it away until he could see the other's aching . He his lips and wrapped his fingers around the appendage instead, leaning in and taking as much of it as he could into his mouth.

@Jinki Jongin whimpered but moved to comply with the demand, feeling better that the pressure was suddenly off of him. He didn't think he'd be able to handle it if Jinki kept asking him what he wanted. He didn't know what he wanted, just that he shouldn't want what he did want. He hesitated to take off his boxers but he slowly pulled them down, feeling horribly embarrassed by how badly his was leaking and the deep read color it had turned. He was probably coming across as a , and he hated that. He didn't want Jinki to think bad about him and he quickly tried to cover himself with his hands, looking at the shower with an almost desperate expression. He wanted to slip in and hide against the wall until the whole thing just magically went away. He just wasn't good at this, he wasn't competent enough or functional enough to manage. He was really just doomed to stay a , Kai was clearly the ual one of the two of them.

@♦ Jongin Jinki definitely wasn't used to being so much in charge and leaving no choice to his partner, but he guessed it might become better in time when Jongin was more used to everything. Without listening to his small noises of protest, Jinki slid his arm under Jongin's knees and lifted him up, getting off the bed. When he made it to the edge, he set Jongin down again so he could grab the lube on the floor and then picked Jongin right back up to carry him to the bathroom. Once there he gently set him down again, pressing a kiss to his hair before reaching over and turning on the water. "Strip," he said, a little demand in his voice, but no so much that he felt like he was forcing the other. He undid his pants again and pushed them down, stepping out of them so he stood in front of Jongin completely .

@Jinki /Small piece of advice, don't ask him, just do it. He'll just freak out again if you try to get him to state his opinion./ Kai explained, rolling his eyes at Jongin's squeak of a response to Jinki's statement. He disappeared from the room after that, not really wanting invovled in whatever was about to go down, but he kept a mental monitor on Jongin's thoughts and tried to at least help make sure he didn't full out panic like that again.
Jongin however was back to trembling in Jinki's arms as he tried to deny the whole shower fantasy, but he was stuttering and blushing so hard he couldn't get anything coherent to come out of his mouth. So he settled for frantically shaking his head instead, trying to shift out of Jinki's lap but the friction the movement caused tore a desperate moan from his lips. He was still hard, despite the panic moment he'd just had.

@♦ Jongin Jinki was relieved when Kai seemed to be able to snap Jongin out of whatever panicked state he had been in. He didn't like seeing the younger like that, didn't like how out of reach he had felt. "It's okay, baby," he replied immediately when Jongin apologised, sending Kai a grateful look. "Thanks, Kai. We will," he smiled, waving at Kai before turning back to Jongin. "So... normally I wouldn't recommend shower for the first time together, but if you want it, we can definitely work something out," he said, smiling before pressing a kiss to Jongin's temple. He wasn't sure how he felt about Kai's 'just yell at him'-tactic, but if that was the thing that worked, he guessed he would have to remember that in case Jongin freaked out later.

@Jinki As if on command Kai appeared at the bed side, taking in the situation quickly and climbing onto the bed next to Jinki, /Me being here isn't really going to help anything.../ he admitted with an annoyed sigh as he gripped Jongin's chin to force him to look at him. /Stop it!/ he snapped, his expression as angry as he could make it and it seemed to work because Jongin stopped whimpering. /You need to calm the down. You aren't a . It's natural to like making your partner feel good. Chill the out would you?/ he growled, pulling away when Jongin started to breathe normally again. /God damn, if I'm not yelling at you, you don't have the right to yell at you./
Jongin took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, slumping against Jinki and pouting, "I'm sorry..." He said again, looking up at Jinki shyly.
/When he starts to freak you have to yell at him. Otherwise you'll never get his attention,/ Kai explained, sighing as he shook his head, /I'm going back to my nap, why don't you two go in the shower or something? I know that's one of Jongin's fantasies./

@♦ Jongin Jinki quickly pulled his pants back up, thinking that a little less would probably suit the situation. He scooted closer to Jongin, gently lifting him onto his lap and wrapping his arms around him. "Shhh, there's nothing to be sorry for," he said softly, wondering why Jongin was panicking now of all times. He kind of wished Kai would come back and help him or explain what was going on with Jongin since the younger seemed too paralysed to tell him on his own. "It's okay, Jongin. It's okay. I won't make you do anything you don't want to," he promised, stroking Jongin's hair gently.

@Jinki Jongin's eyes were wide and even his pupils were dilated as he looked up at Jinki with obvious panic. Did he want touched? Yes, he did, but he also didn't. He couldn't get his voice to work and he was starting to tremble as the seconds ticked by and nothing happened. Distantly he registered the touch on his arm but it did little to actually sooth him. His mind was too last chasing itself in circles and screaming at him for what he'd just done and how disgusting and pathetic he was to react that way. "I'm sorry..." he whimpered, speaking out loud to the vicious voice in his head that sounded a lot like Kai but entirely of his own design. He was disgusting,revolting, he should just curl up and die, no one would ever want him especially not when he was such a pathetic .

@♦ Jongin As soon as Jinki came down from his high he noticed the change in Jongin. "Hey, hey, no need to be ashamed, love," he said softly, reaching up to cup Jongin's cheek and gently lift his head to look at him. "You did so good. It felt amazing," he said with a smile, leaning in and stealing a kiss. "Can I make you feel good now?" he asked, wanting to show Jongin how amazing he had made him feel by returning the favor. His hand ran up and down Jongin's upper arm in a calming manner, trying to keep Jongin's panic from blooming fully.

@Jinki Despite telling himself he was prepared for it, it still came as a shock to him when Jinki suddenly came in his mouth. He pulled backwards, trying not to make a mess as he instinctively swallowed the load in his mouth. He felt some of it dip out of the corner of his mouth and he quickly tried to it clean. He was shaking a little from the effects himself, a bit lightheaded and his was aching so badly he was nearly in tears from it. There was a very visible wet spot on the front of his his pants even from how badly he was leaking. He didn't think a would turn him on quite that much, he was a little shocked by it, not to mention horribly embarrassed. He shifted and tried to hide the evidence, looking anywhere but at Jinki as he mentally started to panic. He hadn't thought through what would happen afterwards and now he just wanted to dive under the bed and hide.

@♦ Jongin Jinki groaned at the sight of Jongin with drool on his cheek, his lips puffy. He looked absolutely ed. "Yes, well, if you want, but I don't want to - okay," he changed mid-sentence when Jongin didn't seem to wait for his answer but rather went right back to work. The increased pressure around his quickly sent him right back to the edge. ", , ," Jinki cursed, eyes rolling back when a particular move from Jongin's tongue sent him over the edge and he came, shoulder hunching over slightly from the intensity of it all.

@Jinki Jongin pulled away at the comment, wiping the drool off his chin and flushing as he looked up at Jinki, "It's th-that the point?" He asked in mild confusion mixed with a little bit of amusement. He seemed to be doing well even if he had no idea what he as really doing and he couldn't actually fit all of Jinki into his mouth yet. He was determined to get good enough to manage it though. He was sure that with enough practice he could do it. his bruised and swollen lips he dipped his head back down and took Jinki back into his mouth, a little harder this time and focusing on no choking himself and leaving enough room so that when Jinki did he didn't suffocate on it or something ridiculous. He had survived this long with Kai, he wasn't about to die giving his first .

@♦ Jongin It seemed like Jongin was determined to fit as much of him as he possibly could into his mouth and Jinki almost went cross eyed from the pleasure. His was throbbing in Jongin's mouth and he threw his head back with another moan before gently pushing at Jongin's shoulder. "I'll in your mouth if you don't stop soon," he warned. Even if the idea was hot as hell, he didn't want to suddenly shoot his load down Jongin's throat without warning and risk the chance of turning him away from future s because of it.

@Jinki Jongin flushed deeply and couldn't bring himself to look up at Jonki but the praise made him feel warm and tingly inside and he managed to take Jinki a little deeper than before. He had to shift his position and relax his throat but he took Jinki in one slow centimeter at a time. His jaw was already aching, and his throat was a little sore too, it was hard to breathe but he ignored it all because he liked the way it felt. He liked the way Jinkis hard pressed against his tongue, he liked the almost overwhelming musky smell of him, and the taste that lingered on his tongue and the back of his throat that he knew was uniquely Jinki. It made his own ache as he worked on taking as much of Jinki into his mouth as he possibly could.

@♦ Jongin Jinki relaxed when he felt Jongin's hands in his, returning the squeeze. He slowly blinked his eyes open when Jongin told him it was okay. He was right, Jongin with his in his mouth was immediately the top image in his spank bank, and he gave an appreciative moan. With his free hand he reached out to cup Jongin's cheek, gently running his thumb over it and when he could feel in in his through the younger's cheek. "You look so hot, Jongin," he groaned, pleasure running through him in pace with Jongin's .

@Jinki Jongin was relaxing a little more each second, and growing a little braver too when Jinki seemed to react positively. He pulled back a little and reached out to take Jinkis hand, lacing their fingers together and squeezing lightly. "Y-you d-don't have to k-keep your eyes closed..." He told him, he was still nervous but he was pretty sure he could do this now, or at least give it his best shot and not feel like a humiliated failure afterwards. Slowly he took Jinki back into his mouth, going a little deeper before pulling back to le the tip as he tried to logic his way through what he needed to do. Jongin could safely saw he'd never had anything this big in his mouth before.