→ Sunshine Bar

@Kwon Jiyong /I nod again with a smile, relieved to know that you’re alright with questions, though I also don’t think I won’t lose interest at all, I feel like there’s so much to know, to explore, to embrace about you./
Mood swings…
/I repeat softly, you’ve mentioned about it before, and I’ve seen you feeling down, I just didn’t know that it could be so severe. I look at your hands too, my eyes widening slightly when mention self harm, and I feel a twinge in my chest, of fear, of pain as I try not to imagine it- you hurting yourself. There’s a lot I don’t know about, a lot of pain hidden under thick skin, just how much did you have to go through to feel this way?/
Oh, Jiyongie..
/I take those hands in mine, my fingers slipping between yours and I hold them tight in mine- I wish I could just help you feel better just like this— by filling in the gaps, is it possible?/
Do you always have to take your meds?
What happens if you don’t?
/I ask in a whisper, I’m full of worry but I do want to know more, know everything about you/
Don’t apologize, nothing is your fault!
/I say almost in a whine, shaking my head firmly./
I don’t care how..how un-simple it is! And I am doing it because I like you! Because I care! Not just to help..
/Did I really just say that I like you? I have no time to process much right now, I pull you in a tight embrace and I squeeze you tight./
You feel that? I’m right here, for you, always.. Just a hug away..
/I give another squeeze, eyes closed./
Workplace tour after this hug, yes..
Mm wanna hold you a bit longer..

@Seungkwan Don't hold back, ok?
At least if you keep asking questions I will know you keep being interested...
*It makes sense that you would ask, but it takes me a moment to find the words*
it's a disorder... I... don't think they know what causes it...
but it gives me severe mood swings... it's different from person to person... but in my case... I get these bouts of severe depression... and I... I feel the urge to... *I look at my hands* to hurt myself... I get paranoid... panic attacks... it's not pretty...
I'm taking meds for it... they help stabilize the moods.. but I still feel numb sometimes.. especially if I take... other things... or drink... or if I don't sleep well...
*my lips stretch in a nervous line when you say they are beyond you as well*
I'm sorry...
Being around me... is never gonna be simple...
*I your cheek* I don't think it'd be right of me to ask for more right now... and I don't want you to do things for me just to 'help me'... I want you to do them because you like me...
*my eyes close for a moment. I had no idea I'd get this today, but boy, I am glad*
anything...?
*I smile after I return the kiss*
Like a tour of your workplace?

@Kwon Jiyong Ok…
/Nods a few times when you say I can ask you too, and I do have a lot of questions, things I’d like to know about you, but I know I want to take it slow, learn each of your layers thoroughly, gently../
Bipolar.. /I repeat, nodding, my knowledge on it is pretty shallow, and I tilit my head a little as I wonder what it’s like to have it./
What..what is it like?
/And I ask about it as I move closer too./
Mm I think those things are a little beyond me too,
But I’d like to understand..
/I nuzzle your nose back, and then I whine softly./
I’m glad if those mean a lot to you..
But if I could do more then I want to do more..
I dunno how but I want to..
/I let our lips brush, my lids fluttering as I look at you./
..whether it be a.. /Presses my lips to yours, gently./
..kiss, or anything..

@Seungkwan [He shrug his shoulders slightly.]
Well let forget him, after all, you don't know if that person is someone you know
[He chuckles as he tap the other's nose.]
Human is quite funny. Often time, there are two type of people. One blame other for mishap while the other blamed themselves. I'm sure, it's not your fault that it ended. Sure, you wasn't a good pair but I doubt that make your ex-pair good as well.

@Seungkwan *nods* I can do that… and you can ask me too… it’s also ok… *I take in another shaky breath*
I guess the most important thing you should know is that I have bipolar…
*I look in awe at the way your lips brush over my hand, and my fingers perk up, touching your tiers as I step closer, my voice falling to a whisper*
Thank you for caring…
I know… he doesn’t have a mean bone in his body… but he also have a short attention span, so complex things like my medical history are a little beyond him…
*as you place my hand on your chest, I turn it around so I can feel your heart beating*
*I chuckle a little as you pull me in your arms*
Kwannie… *I protest softly* you care about me, you hug and kiss me, you don’t think that means a lot to me?
You should know I feel very lucky… *I wrap my arms around your hips and nuzzle your nose* but I guess a kiss wouldn’t hurt~

@Kwon Jiyong I know..it sounds like a lot so you don’t have to tell me everything at once..just.. anything, little by little is fine?
/I squeeze your hand./
I do care about you..
/Mumbles, bringing your hand closer to my face, letting my lips brush over the back of your hand./
I think he didn’t wanna make you mad too so he didn’t tell me much details.. but he cares a lot about you, I think..
/I kiss your hand, and then place it against my chest, nodding my head slowly when you say it’s out of control- I know I can’t control it too as much as I’d like to help, but if I could be even the smallest kind of relief to your pain then I’d do anything for it…/
Oh..
/My eyes sparkle with hope when you say I make your day, and then I tug your hand so you’d be closer, so I can move my arms to embrace you/
Then! Cling to me, mhmm!
I dunno what I’m did to make your day but..maybe if you be more specific I can do it again!

@Seungkwan *My heart jumps in my throat when you take my arm, I didn’t really expect things to go this way, but at the same time, I’m an idiot to think that you would judge. It just isn’t you.*
Its just… a lot…
my medical history… my current issues… they aren’t easy to explain either…
*shakes my head*
I wouldn’t feel forced… I feel good when you ask me things… because it makes me feel like you care about me…
*I take in a shaky breath when our hands intertwine, my fingers holding onto yours in return*
I bet Mino was mostly confusing you…
*my eyes focus on your expression, that tender worry, genuine concern, it puts everything in a different light*
I wish I could tell you I won’t ever be in pain again… but I can’t… it’s out of my control…
But I can tell you that you make my day every time I see you… and that makes me have something to look forward to when I am down… something to cling to…

@Kwon Jiyong No?
/I blink, I’ve never indulged myself in gossips or whatever’s trending on the news much, a little out of touch but I’m even more curious about the said life story- I don’t wanna look it up online or anywhere else though, feels wrong to not hear it directly from you/
No it’s..it’s ok!
/I reach to hold your arm immediately, caressing./
I..do wanna know a lot about you but..
I don’t want to force you to tell me anything you don’t want to tell..
/My hand slides lower to hold yours./
I know there’s probably more things about you that the magazines don’t know about but I’m not scared, Jiyongie
/I shake my head firmly, fingers slipping between yours/
I worry because..because I don’t want you to..be in pain..
And I just..I hope I could help somehow..

@Seungkwan I- *I blink* you did-? *I tried to remember what Mino said exactly* private? ah- no-
*I run my hands through my hair*
None of what he said is a secret... in fact you can find my life story online in the gossip magazines...
I just... don't parade it around...
*my gaze turns sad when you say that you worry*
I didn't mean to keep anything from you.. it just.. didn't come up...
If I say it upfront it feels like I'm scaring people...
And I didn't want to scare you...

@Kwon Jiyong Because! Because.. I asked some things about you to your brother that maybe should have been private..should have been asked to you right away so I- I thought you could be mad because I know some things I shouldnt have…?
/I chew on my lip and blinks at the question thrown back at me/
Huh..? Why..would I be angry?!
I’m not..not at all..
I think I’m more..I..worry..

@Seungkwan *I feel so relieved when you agree to talk, it means there’s still a chance, and I’m once again reminded that you’re the nicest person I know, it’s unlikely you’d shut me out… right? But I don’t know what Mino really told you, he blurts out things he’s heard without even understanding them, who knows how he explained things to you*
*I look around the room you guide me to and then back to you, confusion on my features when you ask me if I’m angry*
What-? Why would I be angry?
*i shake my head*
Aren’t -you- angry?

@Kwon Jiyong /I look around as well when you do, more customers are coming in and my other waiters are handling them well, it should be fine to leave them be as this matter is more important- you are more important even though I’m scared that you’d be mad at me/
Yeah!
/I nod and I grab your hand, pulling you behind the counter where there’s a door leading into the back room for the staffs. I open the door and I pull you in there, closing the door behind./
H-here..
/I gesture towards the room, there’s some lockers, tables, and a long sofa for the staffs to use. I lean back against the door, chewing on my lower lip./
Are you ok, Jiyongie? Are you..angry?

@Seungkwan *I can see your eyes widen and my breathing hitches. You know exactly what I’m talking about and I know it’s serious*
Oh-
*I look around, of course you’re busy, and I’m disturbing you, but I didn’t even think and just rushed over*
Is there..
Any place where we can talk?
*I ask, still pleading as I try to keep myself in check. I don’t want to slip into a full blown panic attack*

@Kwon Jiyong /You’re looking at me in a different way, I don’t know what is it, but you don’t look fine, there’s panic in your eyes and my smile drops when I see it— what’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?/
Oh—
/My eyes widen when you tell me about what your brother had told you, and for a second I panic too- I shouldn’t have asked, you must be angry—/
Huh? /Gets even more surprised./
N-no I’m just busy-
Let me explain-
/We both almost say it at the same time and I press my lips together, how am I supposed to explain that I was being too nosey?/

@Seungkwan *I turn towards the source of the voice, recognising you a few seconds before you utter my name*
Kwannie..
*my heart is beating too fast, I can’t help it, my hands are shaking a bit, but you seem happy to see me, it feels like nothing has changed*
Kwannie- I-
*I walk towards you, my eyes pleading*
My brother told me he talked to you the other day…
Is that why you didn’t call today?
*I ask, worry thick in my voice*
You’re gonna let me explain, right?

@Kwon Jiyong /The evening had barely started and customers are already filling the tables, ready to order their dinner and also pre-drinks for many, it’s been so busy these past few weeks at the restaurant, which is good for business, but that means I’m even busier too since I like to get my hands on everything even though I’m not understaffed. It’s easier to distract myself from some thoughts this way- these days I’ve been thinking a lot about what Mino had said about your condition, how serious it sounded, and what I, someone who barely knows you, could possibly do to help at all…/
Welcome to sunshine—
/I chirped as usual with my loud voice when I hear a customer coming in, but I pause when my head turns towards the door to see you standing there./
Jiyong..? /Whispers to myself, blinking, surprised to see you here./
Jiyong..! /I say louder now, waving a hand and beaming immediately./

@Heechul Right, i dont think they have a right to say that then :<
/Hums at the head pats./
Mmm i dunno, i hope it wasnt my fault…
But i guess im just sad at the way it ended! I just wish I knew why..
It’s hard not to blame myself when I dunno why:<

@Seungkwan *the words Mino said are still ringing in my ears as I jog the last few feet to the entrance of your bar, it doesn't feel as much of a betrayal as it did initially, but it's become worse now, because now I'm scared. Of what you might think... of what you might do if you think I can't take care of you*
*I look around once I'm through the door, trying to spot you, I'm not sure if I should ask for you, and at the same time I just want to stand here, trying to think about what I should say, how I should explain, is this even the right time and place? I wonder if you're even gonna let me explain... you might not want to hear at all... you might think I lied to you even... just because I haven't told the whole story. You might not even want to see me again.*

@Seungkwan True. Given that the person seem to have no intention of knowing me then that shall be just that.
[he continues to give more head pat.]
That is not your fault, silly. Just because someone doesn't like it, doesn't meant it was your fault.
that definition of being a good pair, I can't give. But if he leave without a good bye, there is a reason and the reason is not you.

@Heechul :< That’s hard to control..especially when it’s a thing that someone else said about us..
/nuzzles your hand/
Hmmnn everyone says that but what if someone doesnt like cute!
And maybe its because i havent really been a good pair.. :<

@Seungkwan Mhm, I know, but I don't wish the negative percentage that I don't want. I can take other negative thing like being a .
[he pat the other's head and nods.]
yeah, let not think about it too much and eat your delicious dumpling. haha.
[he take another sip at his drink before pick up a dumpling to eat.]
Hm, how so? you are so cute, who would leave you?

@Heechul But but there are other 95% things about you that could be better and great :< At least I don’t think about you that way!!
What I think can contribute 5% too, or more…/nods/
It’s good not to think about it too much!
I think you have better things to do..like eat these dumplings
/Wiggles a bit at the poke./
Was my pair. /Nods, pouting again./ he left and I think it was my fault?

@Seungkwan Mhm, not 100% but there are still 5%. Either way, that still cause me to worry.
[he reach over and tap on the younger's pouting lips.]
Guilt tripping a guilt tripper? Though, I don't know... Eh... I'll forget about it soon enough, I can barely remember what cause the man to give that comment-
[he chuckles and poke the other's side as the man huffed.]
yeah, your pair or was it?

@Heechul Right! That’s why I said it’s just a version of you according to that person…I think we can be so many things at once so no one version is totally right!!
/Hums, pouting a little./
Then don’t think too much about it…I dunno but arent they trying to make you feel guilty too by saying that?!
/Huffs softly./
Bunny man? Do you mean my pair…?:<

@Seungkwan Hm, that is a wise thing to say. That is true, everyone would see me in their own different way.
[he chuckles softly and then shaking his head.]
I don't know them and they don't seem to enjoy my presence so no, I didn't ask. Honestly, i think their words is enough to tell me how they felt about me.
Hm, I just don't know how to guilt trip someone yet here I am, being told that I do it without knowing. So hard to say I would reflect it. Though, I'll won't let it bother me for too long.
Anyway, what about you and your bunny man?

@Heechul I dunno if it’s true or not because I don’t think that way about you…
Maybe it’s true to them but not for others?
As with most things, people experience us differently..
/Fiddles with my bottle/
Mmm did you ask to the person what made them say so~?
If you think it is an issue and it’s bothering you…I think it’s ok to reflect on it but dont let it take over your head :<

@Seungkwan Well, it is still true to some extent, no? Since it is me that give off the vibe for them to think so.
Hm, I see, not too sure about that.
[he shrugs.]
just wondering if that is why I have little real relationship, that's all.

@Heechul Hmm! /Puffs my cheeks a little, thinking/
It might be what they see in you but that doesnt mean that it’s true!
You know, how people see us is a version of you that they have in -their- head! /Blinks./
Or so I’ve heard…why does it bother you~?

@Seungkwan well, because someone said so.
if someone say it, then it's only logical that is what they see in me... right?
[he smiles softly and shrugs.]
although I said I shouldn't care but I still do, it bother me-

@Heechul What? /Furrows my brows/
No? /Blinks, tilting my head./
What makes you think you do that to others?