aria

@✮ moon jaeseok 「ᴄʜᴀsᴇ」ᵗʳᵃᶤᶰᵉᵉ She froze at his words, letting him pull her hand away. She blinked as fresh tears stung her eyes and she was quickly shaking her head, though the action made her feel dizzy. "Th-that's not what I meant! I would /never/ never ever want to forget you. Forgetting /anything/ that has to do with you is what's hurt the most about all of this...even more so than my actual injuries back then." There was no way she'd ever want him to be gone from her life. No one meant more to her in her life than Chase did. Not even her family meant as much as he did.

His next words filled her with guilt, though she was sure that wasn't his intention. A sob choked out of her as tears fell freely from her eyes. "I'm sorry." She repeated the words like a mantra, nothing else registering. Eventually, it was as if her eyes had run out of tears, and soon only dry sobs shook her shoulders. "I don't know what I'd do without you..." It was pathetic to admit out loud. Even in her drunken state, she knew that much. Yet it was probably the most accurate thing she had said all night. She always felt so lost when he wasn't around. Like a hiker in the woods without a compass.

He was her compass, her light in the darkness. He was her home. Her voice trailed off as she opted to just watch him clean up her mess, something she noticed he seemed to do often. Guilt ate away at her as she chewed on her bottom lip, occasional sniffles leaving her. "Thank you. I know I say that to you often but...it never feels like it's enough."

@✮ rosaria valez 「ᴀʀɪᴀ」ˢᵒˡᵒⁱˢᵗ Chase was silent as he guided Aria to the couch. It wasn’t as though he was upset, rather he didn’t know what to say. Oftentimes he never knew what could bring comfort or healing, and listening was the sole thing he could do well for her. And quietly he carried on as he began picking away at the glass still embedded in her palm, only speaking when she wiped away at her face. “Stop, Rosie. Don’t.” He took her by the wrists and pulled away her hands in case any overlooked shard made their way to her cheeks.

While Chase never needed her apologies, he also never failed to have an answer for her questions. At least, always for the one that cut deep. “Don’t say that,” he said, stopping his work as his voice and face became more stern. He always tried his best to rein in his emotions and keep them in check, mainly because Aria’s were the ones that needed care and attention, but not this time. “Your memory might never come back, Rosie, and I’m sorry. But I can’t sit here and let you tell me that /sometimes/ you wish I was gone.”

Immediately realizing the bite in his words, he began chewing on his tongue as he resumed cleaning her hand. He swallowed hard and then spoke, his voice softer now. “We can’t pick and choose what life decides to throw at us and I know we can’t always be happy all the time. I will always be here to help you. I want to. But I just…” Chase’s voice trailed, breaking ever so slightly. “I don’t… I can’t just let you say something so sad like that, Rosie.”

@✮ moon jaeseok 「ᴄʜᴀsᴇ」ᵗʳᵃᶤᶰᵉᵉ Despite being hyper-aware of his presence, it felt like there was a barrier stopping his words from completely reaching her. Aria could only blink as her drunken mind took longer than usual to register what he said. Slowly, she started to get up, though it felt as if her body was made of lead and every movement felt sluggish. It didn't take long for her to give up and return to her previous position on the floor, enough of her mind starting to clear to remind her of the glass on the floor.

When Chase returned, she finally looked at him, and it was like she was only just noticing he was there. Numbly, she nodded and attempted to stand once again, this time succeeding with the extra support. She walked around the area that the glass remained a mess, carefully making her way to the couch where she held her hand out to you. It didn't take long for tears to sting at her eyes, and she was furiously wiping them away as she sniffled. "I'm sorry. I'm always troubling you."

Her voice came out cracked and meek, a perfect reflection of how she felt on the inside. "I'm so stupid." She knew he would scold her for saying it, but it didn't make it feel any less true. She felt stupid for a lot of things. For drinking so much. For being clumsy and making a mess. For reaching out to him and probably causing him to worry and be stressed. For making him come all the way over just to take care of her again. For being so madly in love with him for so many years. "Sometimes...I wish I had forgotten everything...why is only part of my memory gone? Will I ever get it back?"

@✮ rosaria valez 「ᴀʀɪᴀ」ˢᵒˡᵒⁱˢᵗ [] wheeze it’s never a worry love <3

At first his intent was to enter slowly in case he was interrupting anything, but the abrupt shift from light to darkness made him freeze. “Rosie? Where are you exactly?” He stepped forward carefully, worried about the broken glass but more so wanting to hurry to her. Blinking so that his eyes adjusted more quickly, he followed the sound of her voice, pausing only once when the glass crunched under his feet. Knowing Aria, she’d have tried to clean it up herself.

Chase d along the wall, flipping the kitchen light switch and quietly gasping at the sight. Blood, shards and Aria, who had both. “Oh my god, Rosie.” Rushing to crouch by her side, he placed a hand on her back and the other went to gently take her by the wrist. “Stop, Rosie, drop everything.” Carefully, he flipped her hand over and gave it a few small shakes, hoping any loose glass came out by themselves. “I’ll take care of it, wait right here.” The hand on Aria’s back came up to give her a pet on her hair before Chase stood in search of paper towels, rags and tweezers. He’d have to move quickly otherwise she’d insist on helping him.

He’d been at her place often enough to be able to find what he needed with relative ease. First aid and disinfectants from the closet, paper towels and a wet rag from the kitchen, tweezers from the bathroom. Jogging back to Rosie, still a pile on the floor, he knelt once more, not even registering that a shard could cut through his jeans to his knee. “How are you, Rosie? Can you stand? Let’s move over to the couch so I can treat your hand, okay?”

@✮ moon jaeseok 「ᴄʜᴀsᴇ」ᵗʳᵃᶤᶰᵉᵉ In her anguish, Aria didn't hear the urgent knocks at her door. Her mind had hyperfocused on the glass shards spread on her floor which she slowly tried to clean up with blurry eyes. The darkness surrounding her felt suffocating and relentless, her body felt like lead, and it took every ounce of her energy to get off the floor to put the first batch of shards in her hand in the garbage in the kitchen. And just like that, suddenly the darkness gave way to a ray of light, so bright Aria could do nothing but stand there in awe for a moment. Never before had what she felt been so blatant in her eyes.

Chase stood there, looking around for her it seemed, but she could only stare. She vaguely remembered having her phone in her hand, but it amazed her how readily he came to her aide when she needed him. And oh did she need him. It brought her physical pain sometimes, but she always covered it with a smile. This time was no different. When she finally shook herself out of her stupor, she parted her lips to speak, shocking even herself with how hoarse her voice sounded. "I'm here." She sniffled and shuffled out of the kitchen. "Be careful. I broke my glass."

Luckily, he was still wearing his shoes, unlike Aria, but nonetheless, she bent down to pick at the shards once again, finding some within the rug as well. She couldn't look at him, ashamed he had to see her in such shambles. She cleared as she worked, and gestured her injured hand towards the kitchen. "I'll be just a minute. You can wait in the kitchen if you want." She shakily stood up, making only two steps before her knees wobbled and she fell. ". Stupid. Stupid. Stupid." She could feel herself getting worked up again, and before she knew it, she had already forgotten Chase was there and just sat there with tears running down her cheeks. "I'm tired..."

[] sorry it's so short. brain went brrr djkhbdkhj

@✮ rosaria valez 「ᴀʀɪᴀ」ˢᵒˡᵒⁱˢᵗ In his exhaustion and building panic, Chase’s vision began to tremble with each step. “Ah, sorry, excuse me,” he said, bowing to a stranger he’d barged into before continuing his run. He prayed that Rosie was okay even if her text indicated otherwise. Most importantly, he prayed she’d be able to forgive him for letting her be alone today.

Thankfully, her house came into view shortly after his brief collision. He only allowed his steps to slow after they brought him to her door, using it as a support so he could slump over to catch his breath. His lungs burned and his mouth had a bad taste of whatever fluids his body thought would help his trek. Searching his pockets, Chase cursed quietly once more when he realized his copy of her key was missing, likely left behind in his haste. The next option was to knock instead. “Rosie? It’s me, Jae! I’m here!” With only a moment of silence, he began round two for knocking. “Rosie? I forgot the key, can you open the door? Please?”

The dread of not receiving an answer crept up his spine. Was she safe? Did something happen? Chase rummaged through his pockets once more, pulling out a makeshift badge Aria had made for him. The sight of it alone calmed him as he continued searching just in case he was too frantic before. A keyring jingled in his back pocket and he fished it out, missing the keyhole a few times before it finally slid in.

“I’m coming in, Rosie!” Stepping in and closing the door behind him, Chase looked around before making his way further in. “Rosie? Are you here?”

@✮ moon jaeseok 「ᴄʜᴀsᴇ」ᵗʳᵃᶤᶰᵉᵉ In retrospect, it probably wasn't the best idea to drink alone. There was still a part of her that knew that, but as more time passed she listened to that voice less and less. She could vaguely make out her pomsky, Loki, making his way over to her, sensing his owner's distress. He yelped softly and at her hand that lay over the edge of the couch. Her now dried eyes stared blankly ahead, staring at the television but not watching what was displayed on the screen. How long ago had she sent the text? It felt like a lifetime ago, and tears pricked at her eyes as she wondered if maybe she had disturbed him.

"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid." She hit her head repeatedly as if doing so would make her smarter. All it gave her though was a dull headache and she let out a low groan before throwing herself back onto the couch. She glanced at her phone, wondering if she should try to text again, or maybe call. But she didn't trust her voice, and she was worried if she texted again she'd just be annoying him. She looked at the picture frame and looked at her glass. As if driven by instinct, she poured another shot, getting ready to down it before hesitating.

Letting out a deep sigh, she chugged back the shot and then stood up, swaying slightly in her steps. Her free hand reached out to use the couch as a stabilizer. Though this proved to be in vain, as a curled part of her rug caused her to trip, the shot glass smashing underneath her hand and cutting into her palm. "." She slide until she was aways from the area of broken glass, cradling her injured hand in one hand as she laid there and cried once again. It took several moments before she was able to calm herself down enough to try and clean up her mess.

@✮ rosaria valez 「ᴀʀɪᴀ」ˢᵒˡᵒⁱˢᵗ For what felt like the thousandth time, Chase scrolled through the comment section again, reading over the same words written by netizens. “If Zoë is leaving then Renu is over!” “This is a huge mistake if she’s leaving.” Though his name still remained hidden from the public, he could feel the ocean of doubt wash over him. Would he be able to live up to being a Renu member if he couldn’t even handle negative comments now? Was this what idols dealt with on the daily? This self-hatred and wallowing guilt? This feeling of not being good enough? Fame was never his goal anyway and yet the sway the internet had was far-reaching and virtually omnipotent. The thought crossed his mind a few times already: “Maybe I should quit.”

A ding and a banner with a certain flower caught his attention. Another couple of dings prompted him to open up his messages, reading blue bubbles of gibberish. Immediately his negativity was swept away by confusion and then concern. All thoughts of himself were replaced by thoughts of her and he instantly got up to slip on a hoodie and head out, all while keeping his eyes on his messages. “Got it,” he typed, “I’m on my way!!”

Her house wasn’t too far from the boys’ dorm, at least not so far that he’d need the bus. It was likely faster to run there. With his phone tightly in hand, Chase broke into a jog. Although there weren’t many people roaming the streets, the emptiness stretched the perception of time, causing it to feel like his feet weren’t moving fast enough to get there. It would have been hard to glance at his phone while running but he also didn’t want to stop in order to check for a text. If it was an emergency, she’d call.

In the back of his mind, he wondered what brought this on suddenly. She’d been doing well in therapy and cheerful from their new tattoo. What had gone wrong today? Today? Today was the anniversary of her parents’ death, of course. “//,” he hissed breathlessly. How could he have forgotten? Or rather, how could he be so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn’t even realize? Turning a corner, the rest of the way was a straight shot. “I’m on my way, Rosie!”

Not even amnesia could gift Rosaria the reprieve of forgetting this day. It was so engraved in her brain that she was sure that even in death she'd remember it as if it had just happened yesterday. It was the same every year, weeks of nightmares and sleepless nights where she relived that horrible night over and over again. The scar on her hip always seemed to throb around this time too, as if to remind her that despite her covering it with a tattoo, it's still there. This year was different though. Ever since her accident, her PTSD had gotten worse, and she was more sensitive than usual. She cried more, over the simplest things, like cutting a strawberry the wrong way for a cake, or Chase paying more attention to other girls and constantly putting her in the friendzone. It hurt her heart in ways she had never experienced before, and it both scared her and made her mad.

Already feeling herself starting to sniffle, Aria dragged herself out of bed, wearing nothing but the large t-shirt she had been laying in bed all day in, and made her way down the stairs to her kitchen. She didn't often partake in drinking but on days like today, it felt like the only way she'd get any relief from her emotions. So, almost as if driven by an invisible motor, Aria made her way to the cabinet where she kept various kinds of alcohol, none of which she drank often. She took a moment to look over each bottle before finally choosing one. "Looks like it's just you and me tonight José."

She grabbed a shot glass and shuffled over to the living room, turning the tv on to something that she knew she wouldn't pay attention to anyway. She poured herself a shot and took a moment to simply stare at the glass. After what felt like forever, she finally picked it up, held it out to the picture frame on her coffee table, and downed the liquid. Her face immediately scrunched up at the burn, and without giving herself a chance to get over it, she poured another shot and repeated the process. It was only after her fourth shot that she took a break, bringing her legs up to curl underneath her as she grabbed a pillow and stuffed it under her chin.

She sniffled, once, then twice, and before she knew it tears were falling down her cheeks. Aria furiously wiped at her tears in frustration and opted to grab the bottle, taking big gulps in hopes that the burn would help her forget. That it would numb her enough to not be the crybaby she had become over these last few years. Feeling defeated, she set the bottle down, knowing logically that no amount of drinking could stop how she felt. Even in this moment, she only had one person that she really wished she had by her side. So through blurry eyes, she reached for her phone, wiping her eyes in vain to see better as she typed out a text to her best friend.