❍ prompts

3:42 a.m. blinked in the dimly lit studio. Nam Jaejin let out a frustrated sigh as he struggled to get part of the project he was working on the way he wanted. That seemed to be s running theme with his life lately. He got up suddenly and stretched, trying to clear his mind. He needed to take a break and get away from his work. He grabbed his leather jacket and headed outside to get some air. The cool air reminded him that winter was quickly approaching and he sighed once more. He never knew it was possible for one person to have such a hold on him, and the panic and frustration he felt had him falling into old habits, habits he had sworn off since meeting her.

Lee Eunji was never someone he expected to have feelings for. Their age difference aside, while there was no denying her beauty, girls like her simply usually weren’t his type. But from the very beginning, she had been different. And not in that ‘oh my god I’m so quirky’ different kind of way, but she was, genuinely and truly, different from any other girl he had ever met. A part of him thinks part of the appeal was the challenge she presented by not falling for his flirting as easily as others had. But he’d be a fool to claim that that had not changed. It was hard to pinpoint exactly when it had changed, he was sure he only just deemed her as attractive when he confessed the first time to her.

Or perhaps he had been fooling himself all along and his feelings were stronger than he cared to admit. It wasn’t easy to admit to himself that she had him wrapped around her pretty little fingers. And then he ed everything up by rejecting her in his panic, and now he possibly lost her forever because of his foolishness. It wasn’t like he expected her to forgive him for it, and she’s so beautiful, he’d be a fool to also think that there weren’t others trying to pursue her as well. It would be better if he just let her go, let her be with someone closer to her age, someone that wouldn’t burden her or hurt her or ruin her career like he would.

So why did the idea of her with anyone else still bother him so much? For not the first time that night, a frustrated sigh left his lips as he pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. Skilled fingers quickly slid one out of the pack and within a few seconds it was lit and inhaled as he took a moment to lean against the wall of the convenience store he found himself by. Normally, he’d try to hide his face, but there was barely anyone around at this time of the night unless they were working. He looked at the cigarette in his hand and chuckled, knowing that she’d scold him if she could see him now. Bad habits. It was amazing to realize that he hadn’t smoked in months because of her. Yet here he was now, the stick between his fingers and disappearing with every drag he took.

He took out his phone and his thumb hovered over her name. So many times he wante to call her, even if to just hear her voice again. If his old self could see him now, he’d call himself pathetic. Was love really that pathetic? To turn him into the pitiful man he currently was? His gaze slide to another name in his contacts and temptation filled him to tap that name instead. Bad habits. Drei deserved better than him. They both did. He took another drag from his cigarette and sighed with his exhale.
That night had been amazing, though he knew it would. Things between them had been building up to something like that for years with all their teasing. Yet somehow, as ed as it was, his only regret was that he had simply wanted to forget for a moment that he wasn’t in love with someone he could never have. With the cigarette finished, he put it out and took a deep breath before going into the store to get a beer and some snacks. He would be spending yet another sleepless night in the studio.

Both girls deserved way better than anything he could ever give them, even as a friend, and he knew that. So why was he being so selfish. It wasn’t even that he wanted to have his cake and eat it to. He knew what he wanted and who he wanted, yet it seemed the universe was determined to show him all the ways he could never have her. And his best friend deserved way better than being a second choice or option. Hell, anybody deserved better than that. But was that something he could realistically give? Jaejin wasn’t sure himself frankly. Perhaps it would be better for both of them if he left. Go back and rebuild the farm, work the land like his parents had always wanted from him and his siblings.

He paused as he thought about his sister. Despite being younger, maybe she could help him. WIth newfound determination, he paid for his items and slipped his phone out of his pocket as he walked out of the store. It was only a few short rings later that he was speaking with Wendy. “Hey kiddo. Sorry- I know you hate that nickname. Bad habit.” He had a lot of those.

After catching up, when she asked why he called, he couldn’t bring himself to tell her the truth. This was something he needed to deal with on his own. He couldn’t burden his siblings with it. He shook his head, even though she couldn’t see him, and did his best to sound like he was smiling. “No real reason. Just wanted to catch up and see how my favorite younger sister was doing.” A snort sounded from the other line, before she affectionately called him a dork and hung up to return to her practice.

He sighed, and slipped his phone away as he made his way back into the studio. Only this time, Chanhyun was there. For once, he was grateful for his brother’s company. They had always been close, and being twins definitely help, for the younger always seemed to know exactly when he needed him. He often sat in silence with Jaejin, simple being around for the moral and emotional support only a twin could provide. Jaejin would never admit it out loud, but he was often envious of Chanhyun. He was often quite envious of Jicheol and Haneul as well. His brothers and even his sister always seemed to have things much easier.

Perhaps he made things complicated on his own, but it surely wasn’t on purpose. Love was never something he felt he was worthy of, so he never let himself get close enough to feel anything even close to it. That was his biggest confusion. How did /she/ of all people manage to break through the barrier that even his best friend couldn’t? How did she wiggle her way into his cold playboy heart and make him want to give up everything for her. A pat on his shoulder drew his attention to Chanhyun for a moment, the simple gesture enough to cause his eyes to become misty with emotion, mainly pain and frustration.

A nod from his brother was all he needed, and for the first time since their parents passed, he wept. He wept for all the pain he had caused, and he felt. He wept for all the regrets he had. He wept for love. He wept simply to weep. Chanhyun remained a silent pillar throughout the whole ordeal, and eventually Jaejin found himself calm enough to let out a tired sigh. “Come on, let’s go home and get you in bed. Jicheol hyung will be worried anyway if you don’t come home again.” Too tired to argue, Jaejin simply nodded and let his brother help him clean up before leaving the studio. It was a short walk to his motorcycle, his eyes luckily clear enough for him to drive it.

He made it home shortly before his brother, and he made quick work of getting himself ready for a shower. He stood under the water until it ran cold before he finally got out, and with a pair of boxers made his way into his bed. His gaze turned to look at the time and winced, Jicheol would definitely scold him…again… He grabbed his phone to charge it and simply held it for a moment. Secretly hoping it would ring, but who’s name he wanted to see? He wasn’t sure. Anyone, he guessed. Maybe he just needed to put himself out there again. Go back to his old ways and try dating around again for a while. Anything to get his mind off of his racing thoughts. He set his phone down to charge, and though he has no idea how, somehow he managed to close his eyes, falling asleep just as the sun started to peek over the horizon.

"Miss Cho, is everything alright?"

The voice from her assigned waiter snapped her back to reality, delicate plates of appetisers in front of her, tasting servings from gourmet dishes all around the world: the tiniest bit of seared foie gras paired with mission fig and balsamic vinegar, slices of pristine bluefin tuna greatly marbled and plated akin to petals of a flower, fresh caviar atop a canape - a catered set specifically for her tastebuds when she wanted something a little more luxurious to elevate her mood, but even then, she couldn't bring herself to have it with worries and overwhelming emotions etched within her mind. Expression immediately softening up, she signaled to him that everything was indeed, ok, voice soft and humble but still with a tinge of firmness that she didn't want to be bothered any time soon.

"Can you serve the main in about 40 minutes, please? As always, thank you for the excellent service, Henry-ssi."

"As you wish, Miss Cho."

The thick, birchwood door was soon slid shut, leaving her in her own private space, 123 floors atop the Lotte World Tower, sparkling view of the city lights dimly filtering past the huge glass windows into her room. This was a view to die for, and the thoughts of Eunji creeped into her mind yet again, wanting to share this exact moment with her. Will she be excited and happy? Or will she be the usual nonchalant self, chic and stoic. Yiyeon could only let her thoughts run and imagine the different reactions, only to let out a dry chuckle to herself, knowing that it probably wouldn't happen given the distance between the two. But why was she still being her bubbly and cheerful and stubborn self, using every means to communicate with her even though she wasn't in the country right now? Because she loved her, that's why.

"Hi! We've been doing this for a while now, and I think our chemistry is rather perfect for each other. Could I finally get your number please, Yiyeon-ssi?"

"Sorry, Sungwoon-ssi, I'm not interested and I apologize! Let's just keep this purely business, okay?"

Sungwoon, Chaemin, MCs from her music show gig. Celebrities, models, athletes. Heck, even her close friends from elementary school, middle school, would eventually ask her out, citing their ever growing feelings and adoration for the young woman. But Yiyeon was never interested in them, as handsome as they might be, and was beginning to think she was a little weird and the odd one out when the people around her started getting into relationships or situationships one by one, no matter what industry they were from. She couldn't count how many DMs or letters slipped into her inbox, and it was always the same story - delete, delete, mass delete, into the trash they go to. Her heart beated slow, regular, moving on with life from her teens until now that she was almost an adult, from being a child actress to an idol to a CF model and then back to preparing for the stage again - she'd always thought that all meaning to life was to work hard, and don't get her wrong, she loved it and enjoyed what she was doing, but there wasn't any spark present that ignited a desire of something else other than achievements. Until she came along.

Yiyeon had seen her occasionally, Pandora's maknae, a year older than her, when they had promotions together, and she could see that she was well loved by her members, judging from her bubbly personality and the way she was so comfortable on stage. It was a maknae thing. So when Lotus Entertainment reached out to both her and Yeona for an opportunity to join Pandora as the newest members, there wasn't any hesitation at all. Even though she knew joining an established group brought about its own set of issues, she was more excited to finally befriend the female that piqued her interest.

Then came the day they first met, being officially introduced in the dorms, days after signing the contract. To see her, up close, for the first time, though her expression seemed to be one of hostility, words even more so, leading Yiyeon to almost immediately bicker back, a downright brat herself. It was over something so silly though, the position of being the maknae, and she rubbed it in the older girl's face whenever she could. It was a confrontation, then a tease, then slowly just being annoying because the reaction she could get out of her seemed to be the cutest. There were days where they worked together though, Eunji helping her out with dance routines of their older songs, just going out, spending time together, and each of their interactions gradually built up and had her heart skip for the first time, the littlest skinship Eunji initiated having Yiyeon blush, Yiyeon reciprocating back with an even larger skinship of her own, tugging on her wrist, hugging, just bothering, all because she wanted to have her heart beat furiously, to have her cheeks flushed red herself, something she never felt before for 19 years of her life. And when she found herself thinking of the older woman 24/7, getting worried about her when she fell sick and even travelling all the way to her house, to pass her vitamins and to taking care of her in the hospital because she was scared of needles, Yiyeon knew that she had fallen deep in love with someone for the first time. She was in love, and she fell so hard at how perfect Eunji seemed to be, and eventually leading her to make the stupidest mistake of her life: to press a kiss on her lips, passing it off as not falling sick easily to prove a point.

Everything changed since then. It was as if a wall had been erected in between the two girls, Eunji avoiding her whenever she could. Coupled with the older seemingly not recovering from her flu, to Yiyeon who was overseas in Paris and having no way to check on her except through texts and calls, being worried, being intoxicated in the after party of the fashion show had her eventually confess her feelings to Eunji with that liquid bravado. What was the worst that she could expect? Being taken for as a joke, being called a coward, had her spiralling downwards before she set her mind on actually confessing properly - that was how serious about her own feeling she was, and it was another point to prove Eunji wrong, that Yiyeon was true to her.

Not surprising to most, the wall stood firm, proper, face to face confession going nowhere, even with the bunch of flowers she picked up according to Eunji's favorite color, and a necklace that she thought Eunji looked absolutely good in. But of course, if she gave up that easily, it would mean that she didn't deserve the older girl. Eunji too, seemed to had problems of her own which she hinted, though Yiyeon looked past that, knowing that it couldn't be forced out. All she wanted was to be there for her, to be reliable, to not be avoided like a pest, though an absolute pest she was: constant texts, just checking up on her, slowly chipping away at the wall bit by bit, which did seem to work. Having Eunji occasionally call her actions cute, scoring her charms, was enough to send her giggling for the whole day, and she cherished the little points she scored, even if it amounted to nothing in the end. A chuckle escaped her lips at how silly she must've looked from another person's perspective, but that was just reflection of how easily little things could do to her heart, already worn on the sleeve for a certain Lee Eunji.

"Brave and silly." That was what Do Yeona labelled her as now, and maybe that was her way of loving someone all along. A little over the top, sending flirtatious yet what she truly felt texts to the girl of her dreams - she didn't even know she had it in her to do just that. And when the notification of Eunji's message came in, just a simple: "That's cute. Have a good day, brat," all the worries and problems she had prior to coming here were thrown away, a giggle escaping her lips, then a snort with a chuckle. It can thus be concluded when someone's heart already felt that way, there wasn't even any time to think, even if it was just for a minute or a second. Cho Yiyeon was absolutely in love with Lee Eunji, and that was a fact.

With her appetite back, the delicacies in front of her quickly disappeared before she knocked on the door politely to call for Henry, tongue sticking out in a rather sheepish manner at how embarrassing her request must have seemed.

"Hey um.... about the 40 minutes..... make it 20. I'm almost done... hehe. Thank you once again!"

"As you wish, Miss Cho. Glad to be of service."

[post deleted by owner]

[location: Tokyo - Japan]

Staring at the ceiling on her grandma’s house, Lee Eunji found herself unable to sleep. On her left side, her sister was already fast asleep judging from that soft snore coming out from the older Lee’s parted lips; so was her grandma who was sleeping on her right side. She had tried all the methods she knew to make the sleepiness come but alas none working on her right now. Giving up the idea of sleeping soon, Sora slowly and as quietly as possible getting up from her futon and out of the room, making her way to the kitchen to get some water.

With the cold water in her hand, she opened the sliding door which separate the outdoor area from the living room and sat down. The air was a bit chilly but not something she couldn’t handle. A sigh came out as she stared at the sky. Thinking back on the things that happened to her these few months. Maybe she should try to list them up to get more understanding of her own feelings.

Started with Caspian’s rejection. It still hurt her even now, despite already decided to put that behind them after their talk in Bangkok. He was an important figure in her life and she had no doubt that he would still be for a long time. What did she like about Caspian? Maybe the sense of security and comfort he gave her when he hugged her? The way his corny jokes made her laugh? His attempt to flirt with her? Or simply maybe just all of that? He confessed first but she rejected him, and then she confessed and he rejected her. What an irony.

Next were the newest members of Pandora. Eunji always loved her spot as the youngest in the group but all of a sudden that spot was taken away when Cho Yiyeon joined the group. Being a year younger than she is, Yiyeon automatically became the new maknae and that irked her. It might sound petty of her but losing a spot she had held for quite a long time was not a nice feeling. All the attention given to Yiyeon was making her jealous. Yes, maybe that’s why she dubbed and called Yiyeon a brat. A chuckle escaped her lips at how childish she was when she thought she was mature enough.

Then came the kiss incident between her and Yiyeon. Even though the youngest still insisted that it was to prove her point that she didn’t get sick easily, still it was counted as one kiss. And to be honest, it confused her. She never felt anything more than friendship for a woman but that kiss stunned her, though she didn’t slap Yiyeon for it. Still too stunned to do anything and in the end she just acted as if nothing had happened. But she started to put some distance between her and the taller girl, she didn’t know how to face her after that incident.
Yiyeon’s confession was something she knew that going to come sooner or later. But when it happened, Sora did what she could do the best at that moment, running away. What would she say anyway? She knew rejection hurt, she had experienced it first hand and she didn’t want that if she rejected Yiyeon, their dynamic as a group would be affected in a bad way. She did her best to avoid her from that moment on, even until now if she’s being honest. Despite the younger’s plea to not do so, Sora wasn’t ready to just talk about anything like that.

Sighing for the nth time in that night, Sora laid back on the floor. She wished that every problem she faced could just disappear in a snap of fingers like Thanos’s snap. She tried to shift her attention to something else by adding more hours to her dance practice schedules and being more active in her university life but none of them worked. Life is not a movie like that. She had to face them and as much as she hated it, she couldn’t drag this problem too long. She found herself now in between. She had to admit that she did still have a feeling for Caspian, but at the same time, Yiyeon’s dedication to showing her charm every day made Sora smile unknowingly. She tried to warn the younger girl that she might never return her feelings but the stubbornness of Cho Yiyeon really amazed her.

Both had imprinted their impact on her life, Sora couldn’t deny that. She knew she had to make an important decision soon so she knew which ground should she stay on. Leading someone into a false hope was definitely something that she would never want to do. This was one of the reasons why she immediately took a plane to Japan instead of back to Korea. She needed time away from everyone, not as a form of running away, but to understand herself more and what she wanted. If she wanted to be with Caspian, she had to tell Yiyeon about it soon and of course Caspian himself. Likewise, if she decided to try the new side with Yiyeon, she had to let her know and tell Caspian about her decision too so there won't be any hard feelings left and they both can finally close the chapter and move on completely.

She closed her eyes as her mind replied with bits and bits of memories she had with them both. Which one made her happier and more comfortable? Sora didn’t want to make a wrong choice after all. After a long while, she sat back up, nodding to herself that maybe, just maybe, by the end of her vacation time, she was ready to do whatever her heart and mind had agreed to do. She should ask Caspian on another date and should do the same to Yiyeon as well, so it would be fair and she could finalize her answer. She just hoped that it wouldn’t lead to another headache as she really wished everything would just return back to normal. “Okay, let’s just do that. Lee Eunji, you can do it.” After a little cheer for herself, she got up and closed the door; washing the glass and returning under the futon, turning to her right side to snuggle into her grandma. “Oyasuminasai, baasan, neesan~” She said while smiling despite knowing neither of those people was awake to return her greeting and soon enough she found herself joining in the deep slumber until the morning came.