Hyungwon's House

@‡ Hyungwon [] aahhh i see ok ok

@† Meto [] Yeah. That's what I'm thinking, like, if he can already interact with others. ^^ Alrighty. Thank you. Just take your time with what you wanna do with Meto or like how he'll respond or whatnot. ^^

@‡ Hyungwon [] sorry hhhh i kind of want to write out the process of how meto deals (or doesn't deal) with what happened; until meto shows up again (which could be a while) why don't you rp with others in ic and test out how partial-amnesiac-hyungwon is shdhdjd

@† Meto [] Hi. I have a question. Is it okay, if I like have Hyungwon come now? Like a time skip happened?

@‡ Meto [] Alrighty. ^^ Maybe I'll have him back in a few days. :)

@‡ Hyungwon [] let's just wing it when they next meet, i don't know how meto will be yet it really depends on the other interactions he has between then and now... cause meto is pretty volatile haha

@‡ Meto [] Alrighty. Should we do a thread for that too like a time skip of when he goes back to the club or just wing it in the IC room?

@‡ Hyungwon [] no i think that's good actually

@‡ Meto [] Gotcha. Then, Hyungwon won't be back in the club for quite some time then. Since he's recuperating. I'm thinking of like "restarting" Hyungwon. Maybe because of the head trauma he had a temporary memory loss or his mind just shut off those memories of Meto, so when he goes back to the club, he's able to recognize everyone but Meto or is that too cringy?

@‡ Hyungwon [] i don't think we can continue this thread? meto ran off and wven though he probably saw the ambulance he's still incapable of entering a hospital so he can't go after him even if he wanted to face the consequences of his actions

@‡ Meto [] Would you still like to continue?

@‡ Hyungwon [] ㅠ~ㅠ

@‡ Meto [] I knoooow :(

@‡ Hyungwon [this is so sad :<]

@‡ Meto "It's not about that!"
/hears those words as I continue to clean the mess in the kitchen, not wanting to further anger you, I just kept quiet, which is probably the best thing to do so that I won't say anything stupid anymore, though I want to further ask you what is it about, to know more what you're feeling, what's on your mind, then again, right now I feel that it's not my place to ask anything from you anymore, I have no right to do that/
I'm so sorry. . .
/mutters through my sobs, thinking about how this painfully leaves this longing in his heart to hold you in my arms and talk to you but I know it'll only make you angrier if I push you to the edge, and that it's best if I don't come to the club anymore and cut any contact with anyone I know from there so as to not hear anything about you so that you can also move past from what happened today and act like nothing happened just like a few days ago in the main room/
. . .
/mutters under my breath as I can feel that sharp pain in my head, knowing that I can't prolong not getting any medical help anymore, I went to my room to get my other phone since I left the other in the car and dialed the emergency hotline as I know it'll take longer for Jae to come over, feeling the pain getting worse, I went back to the living room and slumped onto the couch, not really aware of what happened next until the responders came to my apartment, wheeling me into an ambulance since my wounds have been left unattended for too long already/

@‡ Hyungwon /I'm resistant to your touch and only with great reluctance let go of the hoodie, because what if it slips and I accidentally see all the damage I've done to you?/
/I want to rip my hands from yours and I need to fight with myself not to, immediately retracting them once you're done/
/I watch you get up and walk away and stand as well/
It's not about that! /I yell after you, highly unsettled that you keep saying you'll never show up again; what does it mean? are you going to hurt yourself? are you going to die? the fear is palpable in each strained, almost painful pump of my heart/
/I stand, not knowing what to say, all my words catch in my throat/
/I'm reluctant to leave, the anger is there, but so is the fear that you might hurt yourself, do something stupid, reckless, like you already did/
/no one emotion overpowers the other, and finally, I turn on my heels and run out of your apartment, knowing full well that I'm once again running from the things that hurt and once again, I am not okay./

@‡ Meto /letting you do as you please as you pulled the hoodie to further cover my face, I didn't say anything and just nodded to your words/
I will, after this. . .
/mutters under my breath, despite knowing that I need medical attention as well, I just quietly held your hands firmly but gently, and start to take the shards of glass off your hands, carefully cleaning the small cuts and disinfecting them, and once done, I bandage your palms where most of the cuts are and placed some bandaid over the ones on your fingers, willing myself to let go of your hands, I kept my head down as the hoodie will be pulled back if I look up at you, glancing at you for one last time, I looked down my lap again and starts to clean up the stuff that is now soiled with blood from cleaning your wound and closes the first aid kit/
You can go now, Meto. I know nothing that I'll say will make your anger go away, even if I apologize countless times, but I promise, this will never happen again. I'll never touch you nor will I ever show myself to you.
/gets up from the couch and walks to the kitchen and starts to sweep the broken pieces of glasses and plates around the kitchen, putting the toaster back in its place and just quietly cleaning as I just let you do what you want, be it to stay or leave, which I know it'll be the latter, making sure my back is turned to you so you wouldn't see the tears cascading down my cheeks as I didn't want you to leave but I now that this time around, I really have to let you go so that you wouldn't suffer/

@‡ Hyungwon /I freeze when I hear you, but jerk away when you lay your hands on me; no, no, i need to clean this up- i think in my head/
/even as you move me I'm stiff and I don't look at you; I can't, I'm scared, I don't want to face what I've done, I know it's cowardly, it's , it's pathetic, but I can't/
/i see you wipe at your face from the corner of my eye and I reach out, my hands shaking and grab either side of your hoodie but I can't bring myself to pull it back, instead, I pull it down deeper over your face/
/and I hang my head as well, in shame and dismay, but also because that anger I felt has not completely dissipated/
my hands are fine /I manage to press out after a period of silence, still gripping on to your hood/
treat yourself. call that person- your friend, the doctor.

@‡ Meto /in the midst of going in and out of consciousness, I can hear the faint sound of glass being moved due to the apartment being really quiet prior to the noise echoing, realizing what's happening, I knew then and there that you're still in the apartment, prolly cleaning the mess in the kitchen and not wanting for you to stay any longer here so as to not further traumatize you, I push myself up from the floor, tries my best to remove my shirt and put on a hoodie, once done, I pull the hood over my head to cover my face and drags my feet to get to the living room and in a spot where I can see you/
Meto, stop that. It's not good for you to stay here. . .
/mutters softly and walks over to where you are, lets out a deep breath upon seeing your bloodied hands, and gently pulls you up, brings you over to the couch after grabbing the first aid kit/
Please let me bandage your hands. Please.
/looks down as I stare at your palms and hands/
Please. This is going to be the last time that I'll touch you. I will never touch you nor show my face to you ever again. . .
/keeps my head down, unable to face you as I don't want to just burst out into tears if I see your face because that's what's definitely going to happen as I'm already tearing up just by being this close to you and being able to hold your hand again, something that I like doing when we were still in good terms, memories of us in the amusement park flashing in my head, only causing for more tears to pool in my eyes, rubs my eyes with the sleeve of the hoodie I'm wearing to get rid of the tears/
May I start now?

@‡ Hyungwon /after your steps fully fade away, the door opens just a crack, then, a minute later, another, then another until an eye can be seen peeking out
/eventually, i bring myself to open the door wide enough to crawl and what I see makes me want to hide in the bathroom once more/
/there are bloody stains on the door, the floor, shards everywhere, even in front of the door which means you must have brought some with you when you followed me/
oh god... /I choke out, my hands clutching at my throat, on my knees as I curl forward towards the floor/
oh god what did I do.. /whimpers in pure agony and distress, my hand reaching out and clenching around one of the shards until blood trickles from my palm as if that could somehow let me atone/
/I can see your bloodied face flashing in my mind, overlapping with the sight of your bloodied corpse, the latter a fragment of my imagination but why does it look so similar?/
/the panic, the dread, the regret, the guilt is thick in my veins and I need a long time to bring myself to breathe/
/finally, i drag myself to the kitchen and despite your insistence to leave the mess be, I start to collect the shards in a pile with my hands, intentionally not using protection/

@‡ Meto /hearing your voice again as it came out as a mumble, I can sense that trembling and I knew that you are crying again, which only made me press my lips in a thin line so as to not let you hear my own sobs, trying to compose myself, I hear your soft voice again as you responded to my question/
Okay. I'll go to my room now. Just leave the mess in the kitchen, I'll clean them up later. . .
/mutters softly and as I take steps further away from the bathroom, I could feel my heart sinking down fast as I didn't want to let you leave like this but I have to, for your own sake because as of right now, I've already made the decision to never bother you again or even show myself in front of you so as to not hurt you anymore/
Goodbye, Meto. . .
/mumbles to myself, feeling tears cascading down my cheeks as I finally made it to my bedroom once I've closed the door behind me, not even bothering to lock it so I wouldn't have to fumble with it later on when I'm feeling better, leans against the door and sit on the floor for support, and just pass out then and there from all the injuries I got, dried blood all over my face and hands and those hits I took already starting to form nasty bruises on my face and my arm from your grip earlier/

@‡ Hyungwon /the sound of your voice is like a cool breeze on a hot Summer and I sink further against the door, pressing myself to it as if if I press hard enough I could melt right through it and into you/
That's good.. that's good... /I mumble, fresh tears swimming in my eyes; my voice is trembling, but I can hear the strain in your face and I'm not naive enough to truly think you're alright/
/my head is ringing as you speak, half-listening, half-spiralling once more because it's time to go out now/
mmhm /i nod, then sniffle and wipe the tears from my eyes, smearing my makeup in the process/

@‡ Meto /trying to fight off the feeling of being lightheaded and passing out, I kept listening to you cry and soon enough, I noticed how it slowed down and I can hear almost nothing from the other side of the door, thinking that you may have passed out from crying too much, I was about to get up to the best of my abilities and open the door with my keys but then I heard your voice that was almost a whimper coming from you/
Hey, I'm here. I'm fine. Still breathing and utterly stupid.
/manages to let out a chuckle though it hurts to do so because of the bruise on my cheek and stretching my busted lip that now has dried blood on them, I inch closer to the door, curling my lips in to suppress any wince or groan as I used my hand to push my closer to the door, feeling that searing pain in my hands because of the cuts from the shards of glass/
I know you wouldn't want to see me again. If you're going to leave, I'll go into my room so that you wouldn't have to see me so that you won't get triggered thinking of that stupid that I just caused. Also, I just want to clear this one out; I'm not mad. I'll never be mad. Okay?
/smiles weakly despite knowing that you won't see it and holds onto the knob of the door to be able to stand up, leans my back against the wall for support/
Are you coming out, Meto? Should I go now to my room?

[post deleted by owner]

@‡ Hyungwon /it takes a long time for me to come out. I feel like I'm going to pass out I'm breathing so quickly, but I don't, and as time passes the emotional exhaustion kicks in and forces me into a calmer state/
/I'm scared to leave the bathroom and face what I've done to your place, and to you/
/eventually, after fighting with myself for an eternity, panicking, crying, picking myself up, trying to control myself so I don't break anything in the bathroom (I almost succeeded, you're going to have to replace a mirror), I press the side of my face to the door/
Hyungwon? A- are you okay? /a weak, scared whimper sounds through the door to you/

@‡ Meto /as I continued to sit on the floor, I didn't notice you picking up more stuff to throw as I'm looking down, but the moment, I looked up, I saw the plate and felt it hit me on my right cheek, before hitting the kitchen counter behind me and as you continued to throw another one at me, I didn't even make an effort to cover myself and once I felt the toaster hit me right in the head and falling onto my hand that's already bleeding from the shards of glass, I winced in pain/
/watches as you continued to spiral down and eventually run away from me, I tried to get up despite feeling my own blood tricking down my temple and the side of my face from the toaster and plate you just threw at me, I plucked out the shards of glass from my hands and followed you to the bathroom, none of the physical injuries that I have hurts me more than hearing you sob inside the bathroom, wanting to comfort you and gather you in my arms and to hold you but I know that it'll be best if I let you be for now and with that, I sat on the floor right next to the bathroom door, just waiting for you to come out, not uttering any word to give you some time and space as I just try not to pass out from the injuries that I now have on my body, pulling my legs close to my chest and burying my face into my knees, not caring anymore if my clothes are soiled with blood from the open wound just right above my forehead still bleeding and from my hand that's now full of cuts from the glass earlier/

@‡ Hyungwon /my hand connects with your face with a satisfying crunch and even though my hand hurts, it's satisfying to see you sink to the floor; except there's also a flash of confusion in my eyes, why did I punch you? what if you got a concussion from the accident? what if I hurt you? if only sanity and sound reason were my dominant modus operandi right now... perhaps i'd reach down in concern, apologise, ask if you're okay/
/instead, seeing you there with blood on your face, pushes me past logic and reason, I grab another plate and throw it at you/
/i'm working myself into a frenzy, spiralling, snowballing, following a plate I throw the toaster at you, just because it's close to me, and I don't hold back; at this point I'm hurting you more than the car accident did and after grabbing a chair and tossing it at you I finally manage to rip myself away from my violence and sink down onto my knees, hyperventilating, my palms pressed to my eyes/
/I let out a sob and then pick myself up and run to the bathroom, a hand stretched out because the world is spinning and my vision is blurry; I race in, lock the door behind me, sink down against it and scream once more, more tears rushing down my face but at least I've gotten myself away from you, so I don't hurt you more than I already have/

@‡ Meto /as you yanked your hand away from me, not only does it physically hurt but it felt as if a hand is clenching my heart as I know that I had just successfully made you hate me for what just happened because of my stupidity, as you continue to pace around, I didn't take a step back as you now start to break more of the stuff that I have, not caring about them now but only you as your anger seem to only grow the more that you stay in my place/
Meto. . .
/I can only mutter your name softly until I felt that impact on my face, immediately making my lip burst and my nose bleed, ends up falling on the floor, and just sitting there as I look up at you, tears cascading down my cheeks now, not because my lips and face hurt but because of this whole situation and seeing you break down like this knowing that I'm the one who caused it, my own voice caught in my throat, my lips are parted as if I'm about to say something but nothing comes out, not even feeling my palms sinking onto the shards of glass on the floor as I support my upper body with my arms, leaning against the kitchen counter and looks down in shame, not knowing what to do and how to calm you down/

@‡ Hyungwon /yanks my hands from you the moment you touch them, like you're skin is lava/
Don't TOUCH me! /I regret yelling at you now, okay, lies, I don't, but I slightly regret throwing the glass because you must have been scared and surprised too when you almost crashed into another car and here I am, seeing red like a bull in a chinashop but I can't help it/
/I'm so worked up my breathing is laboured and even after your words it doesn't go away, because it still happened, almost happened, right in front of me, I almost saw you die and I call I can see in my mind is your crash smushed with another one, your bloodied corpse slumped over the steering wheel; I scream once more and grab the next best thing that is breakable, the glass you were drinking from, a plate standing around, then a vase and break them all in quick succession/
/your apartment is looking a lot like what my place right now looks like, a sea of broken shards; the mention of wills and death of loved ones yesterday was already setting me off which lead to a rampage in my place, and then this happens so considering, two glasses, a plate and vase is nothing/
/of course, I can't stop there, I'm panting, now that you're in safe space (except it's not a safe space, cause I'm going on a rampage in it) it's all overflowing, I'm crying and... I spin to you and punch you in the nose/

@‡ Meto /as you continued to drag me inside, I let you and just follow you, once you poured some water, I drink it straight away, looks at you as you fidget and noticed your quivering hands, I was about to walk up to you but I flinched the moment you take a glass and threw it against the wall/
Meto. . . please. . .
/reaches out to you and holds your hands in mine, squeezing them/
Don't bottle it up. If you need to let it out by hurting me, do so. I won't mind. It's my fault. That was reckless and stupid of me and I know I did something wrong. . .
/bites my lip and keep my head down, looking at your hand, still squeezing them and at this point, I just wish you'd take it out on me instead of doing this/