⫮ fingerprints

@－ ❛ ʀ ❜：maël clair。⁰² He sensed the walls that Mal built around himself, could almost see them as if he was to put his hand out, it might have been met with a force field or a brick wall instead of the soft fabric of his shirt. He was there for him, yet he was not allowed inside. It was not that easy and he knew that well. Despite how outspoken and expressive Mal usually was, he was not emotionally vulnerable and perhaps hated the idea of being like this. It was all understandable, after all, it was too early for Cassian to even glimpse through the blinds keeping Mal's soul hidden. Reminding himself where he stood with the other, he inhaled deeply and held it, softly caressing his hand until his mantra of numbers came to a stop.. He was lucky enough to hold his hand and lend him whatever courage and support he could manage, let him know he did not need to go through this alone. If in process Cassian felt lonelier himself, well, that did not matter. He did not matter.

the hand on his cheek did little to soothe his worry, his palm was warmer but his fingertips were cold. He wanted to tell him, whisper 'did you know mal, when I'm anxious too, my skin gets cold. It's because the blood leaves the skin to try and keep our insides warm so we don't die a slow death from the core.' but he did not say that. What a morbid thing to say to someone who is looking for comfort. He brought up his hand to cover the other's and sighed softly, pressing the hand harder against his cheek as if pressing hard enough on the digits would make him leave Mal’s fingerprint on his cheek. "never been taught that spell. does it work?" a rhetorical question or was it? He was not sure if the answer would come, that is why he should not have asked. Perhaps it was the fear of outright rejection that kept him from prying too much. ’what do the numbers mean, mal? what did you see when the dementor attacked you? what am I to you?’ so many questions, but why ask when there was a risk that the ravenclaw would shut him out completely. No, there was no point trying his luck. What might happen if he did..that may have been the only question he knew the answer to. "no, you are the sweetest!” he smiled, “I guess..one or two cigarettes every once in a while won’t hurt, though an alternative would be better to calm you down.”

He chuckled softly. He was asking for something unattainable in his state of mind, he could not move on from their past so easy, even when the present seemed much brighter in comparison. At least in this present, there was rain, and he was no longer buried six feet under snow. “why?” he bit his lip and waited for Mal to speak, however, he was not expecting such a romantic reply. “oh mal, what are you saying..” he let out a breathy chuckle as he stood up, thinking maybe a blanket would be enough to keep them warm but hearing Mal’s suggestion he nodded and stayed put, “you’re right, a jacket is definitely a warmer option. Wear gloves too or your hands will get colder.” he would not have minded if they stayed out on the balcony for longer, this he tried to convey to the other by a shrug and a lopsided smile.

Cassian looked back and forth between his friend and the pierre confused as his french was only beginner’s level, but he had heard his name. With a french accent too! he had to look down at his feet shyly and wish that his first expression did not give away to what extent he enjoyed hearing Mal speak in his mother tongue. Especially when saying his name. He hoped pierre was not too mad at him, maybe he blamed Cassian for upsetting his owner. The hufflepuff boy had come to like the parakeet and petting his tiny head. “why do I sense some hostility from him? did you say som-” he stopped, looking caught this time when mal’s words finally registered in his brain. He was definitely blushing. “heavens! you never say out my full name like that, I wasn't ready.” he mumbled the last part and bit his lip, busying his hands clutching at the long sleeves of his sweater and pulling them lower. “no matter whatever lies you fed him about me, take that back. he just started to like me. it’s not him I mind, it’s you maël clair.” he stuck his tongue out childishly and walked up to him to snatch the fluffy jacket from his hand and wear it. Took a mental note that it was the second time his love had lent him his clothes, and he would not mind this from becoming a common occurrence. He could not pretend to be angry with Mal for longer than a minute before he caved in, closing the distance between them to kiss him softly. “ready to go when you are.”

@－ ❛ ʜ ❜：cassian faye。⁰³ his mind was pushed in a dark corner, obscured by all those dementors floating around mimicking the voices of those who did not stay because he was a little different. he heard cassian like a small wind trying to get inside a storm, and the numbers he repeated under his breath were not doing the trick anymore. he wanted to scream, he wanted to run out of that place. and he wondered just how long he will have to be in this state to finally be released – he felt chained up by words, thoughts, and he felt alone. he knew he was not alone, cassian being there was proof enough, but his mind did not seem to accept that someone cared so much. he fought his own body from pushing cassian away, he did not want to. on the contrary, he wanted to lean in and melt into his arms, hide there until the storm disappears. he sensed his tone changing, and he felt guilty for worrying him.

mal placed his free hand on cassian’s cheek - he pulled his sleeve so much it covered his hand entirely. he hoped it was at least warm and comforting. his pack of cigarettes fell inside his sleeve, but he ignored it. strange how symbolic it all was – the poison that will soon be in his veins, falling up his arm until it reached his heart. 3 – 7 – 15 – 25. three is you, mal’s mind registered when he looked at him. he leaned in, he knew he could not be distracted from his storm for long, but he attempted. “yes, it is a spell. I hope it will not break,” there were cheesy words he could have attached to that, but extremely romantic words were cassian’s thing. and mal enjoyed it, even if sometimes they took him by surprise. they have always flirted back and forth, but ever since their kiss, cassian did not hold back from throwing his best at mal. and were mal in a better disposition, he would have probably imploded. “you are so sweet,” it slipped out, thinking of all the good he has done for him, focusing on that. because the alternative was remembering all those times they fell apart.

those three words burnt his tongue again. because in this state, he did not believe them himself. it was not the right time, mal did not know when the right time was anyways. he returned the loving gesture, and caressed cassian’s cheek softly, his eyes a little lost but sincere as always. “do not dwell on the past, ma petite note de musique. I like the present far better. you know why?” he stopped for a moment, because he wanted the words to sink in, especially because they were true. “because you are here now,” and he did not need anything else, no reminder of those moments when he was alone. he did not hold grudges easily, unless someone really offended him. he was unconsciously thankful cassian moved away, because he had to fight his tears from falling. it was not easy for him to cry, but he had his triggers. he bit his lower lip and let out a sigh, he wanted to say something, he really did. but he found himself quite speechless.

he recovered briefly to hear cassian speak again. mal fished the packet of cigarettes out of his sleeve, and got up from the bed as well. he walked to the closet and pulled two, big fluffy jackets out of it. “it is easier with a jacket, bébé. we will not stay long, I just need some air,” pierre repeated the word ‘air’ few times and whistled. mal smiled at him, and said in a rather sweet voice, as though he was talking to a child – pierre was actually not far off from being a child. “je reviendrai, pas de panique, pierre. voulais-tu que cassian se moque de toi, parce que tu es dramatique?” pierre looked at cass offended, fluttering his wings in a protest, as though he was huffing. “I did not want to throw you under the bus like this, pierre was just being dramatic,” mal shook his head, he failed to see just how alike him and pierre were. “I never realised how pretty your name sounds in french though,” mal hummed a bit, then cupped cassian’s cheeks and spoke his full name in a french accent. “cassian faye,” pierre responded with another bird huff, and mal had to chuckle. “he is in a good mood, do not mind him. he is not actually upset. he just wants a little attention.”

[ this song bc it suits mal's mood; https://open.spotify.com/track/0yb4xJ34yomdAkSXkdEpeg?si=J1Af9B7JR8GzwQPXw64ggQ ]

[post deleted by owner]

@－ ❛ ʀ ❜：maël clair。⁰² He was reminded of the night they had gone to see the stars. A sea of them, flickering beyond the gothic arches of the astronomy tower with their pillars framing the sweeping view of hills in the distance, that led to the deep forbidden forest extended all around the west side of hogwarts. Cassian had been so cold that night, a cold he thought might never go away, a cold that the roaring hearth fire in their dorm had not been strong enough to thaw. At last, he had found the warmth in Mal’s embrace as he had stayed cuddled next to him, his friend even managing to comfort him enough into a slumber. His touches were as soft tonight and he was the one initiating most of them, the way he rested his head on Cassian’s chest and caressed his cheek was almost as if sensing him there brought some peace and calm, even if temporary, it still counted. It had counted for Cassian that night.

It might have been his imagination but Cassian had felt him and his unspoken pain and happiness through their eye contact, heard himself too, recalling lines from his lyrics book. - I was toxic like poison running through your vein, but baby I didn't promise to be good for you, just wanted you to feel my pain, cut through your skin, make you see my dreams, have you play the same game - he could hear the reverb effect, the synths inflated and the percussion ramped up, the snare drum hitting on every offbeat increasing to 16th notes, reaching 32 before the drop came, along with the gritty distortion that strangely but definitely sounded more high pitched than what he had composed. His head hurt. He let out a low laugh. "pierre likes seeing me defenseless and at your mercy, hm? he and you are both very adorable." his fingers did not relent petting the parakeet, that was until the sudden jolt made him freeze up. 'did I say something wrong?' he thought before Mal smiled brightly, teasing him about the movie. 'oh..okay'

The thought of performing the musicals was comical to him, thinking of imitating Audrey but with his mixed australian-british accent made him want to facepalm. He could never sound like a posh british lady and Mal should have known that. He gave it a try anyway. “wait, how did it go...I'll never know what made it so exciting, why all at once my heart took flight, I only know when he began to dance with me..” he sang with the pitch of his voice raised. However, he stopped as he saw Mal’s lips reach out for him, with a soft sigh he parted his lips and indulged in the sudden kisses, letting mal take and take until he would be sated, but his friend was only getting more frustrated even making a noise of annoyance. “why?” he mumbled between the kisses, eyes opening to look at him with concern.

His hands reached out automatically but he stopped midway and swallowed down his own fears and insecurity. Mal was out of reach anyway. “it’s fine.” his voice sounded small and he cleared his throat immediately, smiling when the other turned around to look at him again. This was perhaps the worst way to tell an anxious person anything, the hufflepuff boy was already expecting that maybe the comfort and calm Mal was looking for, he was unable to provide. His eyes were glued to the empty beds where the roommates would have been, soon his field of view was covered by Mal in front of him once again. Cassian let him speak while he himself struggled silently for a short while to bring his mind back to the present, he would not want to miss out on what was happening right now, and Mal looked so serious, so solemn. It must be a big deal to him.

Hearing him mention his unhealthy habit made Cassian feel extremely saddened and guilty at the same time for finding some relief that it had not been something worse. Assuming the worst was his problem and a battle he was well aware he needed to fight on his own, he could not put blame on anyone. “I don’t mind, we can go there, yeah.” he crouched on the bed, moving until he was sitting on the edge and this time letting his hands pry Mal’s that were pulling on the sleeve of his shirt, before opening his clenched fists so that he could intertwine their fingers. He kissed the other’s forehead. “is that an incantation for a new spell I’ve never heard?” he smiled lopsidedly, disliking the tension in the room. “I don’t know what’s going on in your head, and I am worried about you. many times I haven’t been there for you when you needed me, but I’m here now..and it’s okay. you don’t need to be ashamed, never. not for anything you do! ” he raised from the bed and moved towards the balcony. The rain had stopped at some point, but it could still be too cold. “let me get you a blanket.”

@－ ❛ ʜ ❜：cassian faye。⁰³ mal’s eyes did not linger on his pet for long, they quickly found their way back to cass’ face. he was so pretty, mal’s breath stopped in his throat for a moment – was this how euphoria felt like? he was actually happy for the first time in a while, genuinely so. so much so, that he felt his body urging to react in a way he did not wish to – he almost started crying. it was not like him to do so, and he knew that if he started he would not be able to stop. even with cass next to him, he would cry until morning, maybe more. he moved closer, wrapping his long arms around cass’ waist to hug him and rest his head on his chest, looking up to observe pierre drowning in the affection. “it has been a while since I have seen him this cheery,” mal smiled, reaching his finger out to touch pierre’s head. it has been a while since mal has been cheery too, even with his (boy)friends around, he felt a little detached. he looked at cass again, touching his cheek softly, caressing it with a smile.

he leaned in, and hugged him for longer, closing his eyes for a second. a field of poppies, he was waiting – will the flowers die, or will mal catch him this time? it was a muddy van gogh, and a dripping monet – the colours drained one another, until it was all black and white. and that world – bleak, empty, void – that world scared him. he opened his eyes again, moving a bit to place his cheek on cass’ shoulder, unconsciously mimicking his pet’s gesture. he was so close, he liked it – he loved it. he did not want to move, but his body tensed at the mention of a movie. and his mind took control once more, and chaos instilled. mal jolted upwards, smiling brightly as if he did not just battle a slip into his sadness.

“are you going to perform them?” he teased, but he would love to hear cass sing all of the song in those two musicals. he leaned in and left his lips all over cass’ face again, but especially on his lips. they lingered there for long, mal gave him his breath over and over again. even pierre had to find another resting place, because mal’s forceful kisses made him land on top of cass. he was well-aware that he has to let him speak at some point, but he was also really serious about his excitement and care for the boy. but his mind could not keep him positive for too long – flashes of terrible dreams and awful memories. mal accidentally sighed in the kiss as if annoyed. yes, he was annoyed, but not at cass, never at cass. he realised his mistake, and looked truly apologetic, cupping cass’ cheeks to mend his mistake.

“I am sorry, bébé. my mind is all over the place,” he sighed again, and pierre flew right on top of mal’s nightstand. mal looked at the bird, he knew what pierre wanted. “I am afraid so, pierre,” mal moved to the other side of the bed, and opened his nightstand to grab the pack of cigarettes he put away earlier. he tucked them in his sleeve with a lighter and looked at cass afterwards, biting his lower lip in contemplation. “alright, so. I have to tell you something,” he moved closer, he felt incredibly bad for not letting his (boy)friends know about his past habits. in his defence, they never really asked and he appreciated it. whilst mint saw him sneak a cigarette or two in their first year too, he knew cass and the rest never watched him smoke before this year.

“I have this bad habit since I was a teenager. when things get difficult, I smoke. it is temporary, but uhm. when my mind gets very busy, I have to do it. do you mind if we go out on the balcony?” he hesitated, he was afraid of being judged. suddenly, all those times he has been told off, told how much of a disappointment he was, surfaced in his mind. his mind was having a field day with them, his breath got caught in a loop. he could feel his heart beating faster. cass would never judge, would he? he doubted reality itself in that moment. it felt so much like a dream, cass was a dream come true. he did not look at cass, he pulled onto his sleeves and looked down, ashamed. pierre started whistling random numbers, well, they were not random at all. 3 – 7 – 15 – 25. the birthdays of the only people who made him feel like he belonged. a mantra he repeated whenever he was on the verge of a breakdown, or of losing his mind. pierre heard him do it many times, so he learnt the numbers and the order. mal repeated the numbers under his breath in french, he did not like looking weak in front of the people he wanted to protect. he wanted to throw himself into cass’ arms, melt there, until he became a part of him – it would be safer than to wander everywhere and nowhere. but he could not move, he needed fresh air.

@－ ❛ ʀ ❜：maël clair。⁰² He was reminded of his own new piece of accessory as the other's thumb pressed against his lower lip and he would have kissed it, maybe even bit it to but ended up groaning at the slight tug at the ring, playfully glaring at him. "it hurt.." it did not hurt but pretending it did make Mal kiss him which made him smile into the kiss, hand running through the silky black strands, knotting them into tangles and smoothing them over. He could play with Mal's hair for hours if he let him, strangely, it had a calming effect. Cassian let himself be taken inside the room and toward the bed, "already getting me in your bed?" he said with a breathy laugh before glancing at the parakeet once he heard the whistle, caught off guard by the sudden noise. His attention did not remain on the bird for too long, not with how he was touched, felt, kissed. Without any eyes on them -if the parakeets' beady eyes did not count- he let himself melt against Mal, drinking him in as if he was water, hitting his parched throat.

“even pierre gives me sassy compliments like you,” a soft, breathless giggle "come back here" he pulled him close, his lips feeling the shape of Mal's jaw and the curve of his cheek, fever racking his body as his finger traced along with the cold steels and stones adorning his lover’s ear. Fighting the smirk tugging at his lip, he listened to the amusing tour of all the earrings, humming to show he was appreciating all of them. He listened intently while his own thoughts raced, ‘how was he supposed to see anything from now on and not be somehow reminded of him? see colors and not associate it with the person in front of him? who had brought the prettiest color to his life.’ his eyes remained on the industrial earring and wondered if the arrow lodged in his heart was in the shape of this beautiful piece of jewelry. He liked to think that. “they look so pretty..just like you. think I like this small heart-shaped one the most,” he placed a kiss on it before blowing air in his ear and chuckling, already expecting a hit or push. But that would be fine, he was too happy to be bothered by it or even hit back.

Cassian recalled hearing the song Pierre whistled ‘falling’, he hummed along to the melody with the parakeet as he rocked to the sides, feeling the song with his whole body. “no need to stop him. he has talent! pierre, want to feature in my next song?” he watched as Mal opened the cage and expected the parakeet to fly on the ravenclaw’s shoulder and stay there regal and looking like a pirate’s parrot. To his shock and utmost pleasure, pierre flew to him instead and landed on his shoulder. Cassian’s jaw dropped and the glee on his face was clear as the bird snuggled close. He loved all kinds of animals, this time his attention was stolen by the pretty bird that was showing him affection for the first time. It was unusual and based on Mal’s expression, none of them had seen this coming. However, no complaints from him. The french phrase flew over his head, the words not making any sense to him but he understood they were meant for his companion. “aww maybe he wants a kiss too?” Cassian rubbed pierre’s little head and pecked him on the side of his head, smiling brightly.

“I did come here for you Mal so come sit down, you’re too far away.” he opened his arms to ask for a hug. He was nowhere close to getting satiated with the addictive taste of him. They were supposed to watch a movie and Cassian had thought about what movie on the way to the tower, now it seemed unlikely that they would focus on the movie. Perhaps a musical would be a good choice, something that did not require them to look at the screen. He would rather spend time memorizing his every feature, watch Mal’s eyelashes hit his pretty cheeks when he blinked softly, or watch his adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed. If he was bold, he would latch his lips there, mark him as his. “I was thinking of a musical for the movie we’d watch,” he hummed as he thought of a movie title. “have you seen singing in the rain? or uhm my fair lady?” he said the first names that came to his mind.

@－ ❛ ʜ ❜：cassian faye。⁰³ he clung onto every word he said, it almost felt as though he was in another dream. his instinct was to hold him tighter, afraid that when he will open his eyes, he will not be there. and he let himself be weak in his arms, even just for one moment – because the other option was letting go. and he did not want to. he instinctively pulled cass closer, his breath stopping in his throat. he looked at him closely this time, he was madly cute. he pulled him inside the room and pushed the door shut without letting go. once he really drowned in his face, he could not resist the urge to touch it. he touched his cheeks softly, following every single colour change that occurred because of his hand’s shadow. and his lips. he felt the lip ring when he kissed him, it did not disturb him, hence he did not give it too much attention - maybe because he was a little too excited to kiss him. he ran his thumb over it, it was very y. “is this real?” he asked, a little lost. he pulled it. he regretted it immediately, because he realised it was indeed very real. “oh- je suis tellement désolé, bébé,” he looked at cass apologetically, and kissed the ‘injury’ better.

he hummed a little, enjoying the compliments he was receiving. he definitely liked seeing cass this stunned, there was a glow in his eyes that mal really enjoyed. the type of glow that made his heart race and scream something out loud that mal did not quite understand. he liked it, but it made him a little dizzy. or maybe that was just his adhd reaching its peak – he pulled cass to the bed, he needed to sit down. pierre was startled by the motion, and he immediately whistled ‘pretty fool’ when he spotted cass. mal gave pierre a smile, then looked back at cass, not afraid to lean in and sweep away the debris of a wall that once existed between them. his lips were all over, there was no plan, there was none needed. his hands too, not sure where to go or touch – they touched everywhere. he pulled cass closer, until their breath was the only thing reminding mal that they were still alive. he could have died like this, died of happiness.

“yes, he is a pretty fool. I agree, pierre,” it took mal a long while to answer to his parakeet’s greeting, and he did so a little lost, admiring every inch of cass’ face, adoring him ten times more with every single bit he did not notice before. after a while, he took cass’ hand and placed it over his right ear. he did not forget about cass’ inquiry, he just needed a moment to express his excitement. he guided cass’ fingers over every piercing, it was his way of giving a tour.

“a storm of diamonds,” he said at the lobe piercings (a small diamond, and a lightning bolt). he did not have a meaning for every one of them, but he was more than inspired to make up some meaning. his high lobe was a simple, round one – because ‘life is a circle’, so he said. the upper helix had two round ones, with tiny stones in ravenclaw colours – because he was a ‘proud bird’. his left ear, the spectacular industrial arrow that always pointed in one direction, because he is ‘straightforward, always with a target in mind, never missing’. the targus one, a heart, because he likes it when cass whispers ‘sweet nothings’ in his ear. the stacked lobe ones – a star and a moon – because he likes ‘listening to the universe’. and the lobe one, a long earring made up of small stacked circles, because he ‘felt like it’. he took cass through all of them, holding his hand, humming softly in-between, adoring just how gentle cass was.

his heartbeat was inside his entire body by the end of it, rising and making him feel lightheaded, and so exhausted from all the positive energy. exhaustion that was spotted, and well-deduced, by his companion. him and pierre had a weird connection, one that was far beyond definition or comprehension. the parakeet whistled the tune of harry styles’ ‘falling’, and mal was sincerely surprised at it. he did not recall teaching pierre the song, or playing it around. he could only guess eleazar or mint were responsible for this. he was glad the bird did not whistle the lyrics too. mal had to break the comfortable proximity he created with cass to get to his pet.

“hey noisy, we are having a moment,” he opened the cage, and pierre stretched his wings taking flight immediately. mal did not let him out in so long, because the bird was down – just like him. pierre landed on cass’ shoulder, and snuggled closer. mal raised an eyebrow, his bird was quite affectionate but not to people it did not know much. and whilst cass did meet pierre before, the parakeet never showed any interest in being close with the hufflepuff. “today is a weird day. pierre, not for long, he came here for me not for you,” the parakeet whistled as if it understood, mal was not sure it did. “je t'enverrai à la chouette. mords pas mon bébé,” pierre snuggled closer to cass, hiding away from mal.

@－ ❛ ʀ ❜：maël clair。⁰² It was raining. The constant drum of the water drops as they hit the window sill soothed him, today more than ever he wished the windows in their dorm was not located on top of the walls. He would have loved looking outside while it rained. He was taking a small break from studying when Celine jumped on the desk and sprawled against his notebooks, seeking attention which he would give her. Cassian scratched the back of her head and nuzzled his face into hers, dropping a kiss on her nose before picking her up and putting her on the bed. “dad has to get through this chapter, I’ll feed you later tonight. Besides, you ate enough for lunch! and don’t think I didn’t see you eat Cassiopeia’s leftovers.” she meowed, angrily if you asked Cass, he knew somehow what she said most of the time.

His eyes landed on the topic of the new potion on the list; draught of living death potion, a deep death-like slumber potion that is turned a lilac purple when brewed correctly - he noted down in his notes - a sixth year spell with potential harmful effects...lame :( with one glance, he could see that the cautions and side effects were mentioned at the end of the next page..they really should reconsider the position of that important section, for students like Cassian who lost interest when the topic dragged out for too long or went into small details. As someone who was not scared of taking risks, he was already sold on the potion by the end of the first paragraph. He reads on “a wizard prince once used the wiggenweld potion to awaken a princess who had been given the draught of living death, the prince put some of the wiggenweld potion on his lips and then kissed the princess, causing her to awaken from her death-like slumber.” he squinted his eyes at the book. “sounds like that disney movie huh..which one blatantly plagiarized the other?” Celine made an unbothered small noise, unsurprisingly she was no help.

He opened the herbology book midway reading through the ingredients list, the name of the valerian plant sounded familiar. He skimmed through the characteristics of the plant and its uses; the root, if used with caution, could improve the sleep and sure there were risks for getting headaches, dizziness, stomach problems blah blah..it would not be him who made the potion anyway, he would most likely ask the more skilled potion makers of his friend circle. Eleazar would definitely take on the challenge to make the potion, and Leo despite being bad with growing plants had a talent of making potions out of them, coming closest to the professor's example. He had been there and witnessed the surprise in their professor's eyes every time.

His eyes moved across the sentences, but things stopped registering at some point and his mind was already following the familiar green path down to the familiar glass house with its serpentine dragon statues running along the peaked roofs. This term, the students need to pick different seeds and plant them, manage caring for them until they grew into beautiful plants. He would pick a flower, paint his flower pot and put it somewhere in the green house with enough sunlight and right amount of daily shade.. would Mal like receiving a plant? He closed the herbology book and leaned back against his chair, pushing off from the desk with his elbows. The chair wheels glided against the wooden floor as he whirled around on the chair, thoughts coming and going in his head with each full spin of the room before his eyes. Would he like flowers or leafy plants? Would he come pick up potion ingredients with him? Maybe he should gift him plants that have health benefits, hm yes, but they had to look pretty too. Hyacinths, purple and yellow- but what about nasterium? they’re edible too- or! or lavender..no he would bring Mal to a lavender field. He smiled imagining how pretty Mal would be, standing in a field of flowers. Could spring come earlier this year, he was tired of seeing only white..white snow, white pages, white bedsheets, white ceiling..should he color the room ceiling? would Henri mind- no he would make sure to draw something obscene right above Henri’s bed, now that would be-

His train of thoughts came to a halt as his phone vibrated. It was Mal who would not stop sending message after message, acting cute and Cass was already on his feet. It would not take him long to get ready, having had already showered a few hours ago and blow-dried his hair to look decent enough even though the thick black strands of hair were more curled, above his ears and close to his nape. He wore a white and green sweater and put his new favorite earring in (a silver drop earring with two arrows crossing each other), it went well with the silver steel of his lip ring. He had teased about flying to Mal’s window, and he might have gone through with it was it not for the weather, the rain was starting to be a mix of rain and snow as the night drew closer and the temperature dropped.

Once he arrived, it took two knocks on the door before Mal was opening the door and throwing himself at Cassian, who could not help but to let out a small yelp of surprise, his arms automatically circling the other’s waist and holding him close. “hi, beautiful.” His first instinct was to bury his face in the taller’s neck and trail kisses up his neck and jaw, breathe him in to make up for the time away. That was when he noticed too many things at the same time, drawing his face back and stopping Mal’s kisses by cupping his face. He stared in awe for what felt like minutes..it was just too much..the black hair..the y septum ring! So many things he wanted to say and at the end a series of jumbled words left his mouth before he had to pause briefly to not blurt out something too lewd. “who gave you the right,” he tilted his head to see the set of ear piercings better, tracing his thumb against the industrial piercing down to the moon and star adorning his earlobe. “to look so beautiful?..what do they mean?”

@－ ❛ ʜ ❜：cassian faye。⁰³ ｡*⋆୭̥ here to stay ୭̥⋆*｡

✈ location ; ravenclaw dorm > moving outside
⌽ date ; february, two days after the postponed hufflepuff match (which they won)
⊖ time ; late afternoon (around 5pm)
❉ weather ; a cold, snowy winter day
⚘ mood ; ❝ if you drop, please drop in my arms. ❞
♫ soundtrack ; diplomacy - iris (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abYe6Be9EU4)

mal was…alright. the chapped black nail polish, dark attire, explosion of piercings (including a fake septum ring today), his multiple accessories and his rather messy, black, long locks told a different story. maybe he was a little too inspired by the 2000s emo boy trend, he fell down a rabbit hole listening to music he would usually not listen to. it was safe to say, he felt as though he went back to his teen years – and that was not a very comforting thought. self-expression is key, and if he could not straight out say ‘hey, I am sad’, he might as well show it – in a very dramatic, mal-way. he did not completely dislike his new look, he thought it was decent enough. sometimes he missed the colours he so stubbornly put away, he did not really understand it himself.

ever since the dementor attack he has not been…himself. fainting in front of one of the people who meant a lot to him was incredibly embarrassing, not to mention not being able to be strong enough to stand his ground. he feared henri or cassian knocked brooms with a dementor that day, he found out they were alright only days later. he feared that mint would be dragged through a whole hellhole if he encountered such a being – mint was not very familiar with them, as far as mal could tell. he did not want mint to be familiar with them either. they were all a little shaken by the incident, and mal disliked himself a little more watching them fall apart. eleazar drowning himself in assignments, barely inside the room less it was to say ‘hello’ and disappear the second after. mint, frowning in worry for him and his mother and cats, barely ‘there’ mentally. even his touches felt a little more distant, mal worried a little too much. henri was a distraction to himself – the flood of texts, emojis, and pictures were endearing, but mal could not tell if he was just avoiding the inevitable. mal has not seen finch around a lot lately either, and when he did, they barely talked – he suspected something was not right with him either.

and then there was cass. mal put himself through many fever dreams thinking about him, maybe his desire taking a toll on him – especially when he was alone. they barely saw each other around, it was either one of them was busy or both of them were. they did not share a room, and they both preferred face to face interactions over texts and phone calls. mal felt guilty for not knowing how he was feeling, he felt guilty for not telling him anything. he did not tell any of them, even if henri pried a little, and mint and eleazar tried to subtly coax him to open up. it really felt as though he was back in his youth, only this time, he had people that actually cared – and he did not know if that was better. he was able to pull himself out of it before, he will surely do it again. but for now, he clung onto every slither of happiness.

cass. his name made him smile, his texts too. his heart was pounding against his chest, he really wanted to see him especially because he was alone, and felt alone. he did not know if meeting him will change anything about his feelings, or if he will magically recover – he wished it would work that way. he longed for his touch, he longed to be in his arms and have him in his arms too. missing someone so much – it made mal dizzy. he got the same feeling when eleazar disappeared from the room for days or weeks at the time, or when mint was out for more than an hour, or when henri forgot to send his obligatory ‘good morning’ text. it was the intensity that scared mal – as if he could die at any given time if he had to spend even one second without one of them. it was not normal, he knew. but right now, he feared more than ever that they will leave.

he managed to make himself look presentable, even scrubbed his nail polish off successfully – he was not fond of its scent. he threw some snacks on his (and mint’s) bed, and made it cosy with a fluffy blanket and a lot of unnecessary pillows he purchased for different reasons. he hid his cigarette pack in his drawer along with his lighter, he did not want to send cass into a too big of a shock – his appearance would do that regardless. he prepared the laptop, and opened netflix – he had no idea what they will watch, he preferred leaving that to cass. he managed to find a simple, fluffy dark blue sweater with the ravenclaw crest on two buttons sewed at the sleeves, he wanted to feel comfortable. the second he heard a knock on the door, he jolted upwards, so excited his head (and heart) might explode.

he opened the door, and without a second thought, the moment he realised it was cass, he wrapped his long arms around him like a child, hugging him very tightly. he did not want to let go, he did not care how awkward long hugs could get. he has not had a moment alone with cass ever since their date – and first kiss(es). but that did not make it weird, on the contrary, mal was glad that barrier between them did not exist anymore. it justified drowning him with kisses the second he broke the hug. he could have cried if he were a crier – but he was not one. instead, he only got more excited with every little patch of skin his lips covered.

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@－ ❛ ʜ ❜：henri knight。⁰⁴ @－ ❛ ʀ ❜：mint ainsworth。⁰² @－ ❛ ʀ ❜：eleazar azorra-shin。⁰²   to say he was surprised was an understatement – his reactions were exaggerated when having an episode, so he got startled. but it was not in a bad way, not at all. he liked how much the younger could break the very rules he invented – mal could not help but stare at him in adoration and listen. for a moment, his mind went quiet, and all he could hear were his sweet words – like a melody, following a tune that matched his heartbeat. he caressed el’s face while listening, touching those pale cheeks and those speckles he liked so much – he was beautiful, like a moving picture. like an oil painting, but nothing like the pestering portraits at hogwarts. and there was a sort of longing in his eyes – waiting for the perfect moment to shut him up, to shut himself up too. with a seal that none of them will break – and he forgot, he forgot why he was there. it did not matter – el acted like a drug, and he felt his entire body relaxing despite trembling softly. he looked at him with his eyes half-closed, as if the fogginess will make him less pretty, as if he will not get distracted again. he only managed to answer ‘I am pretty special’ to el’s inquiry about henri’s middle name. he was one breath away from kissing him, he wanted to tell him he was prettier. to worship him, maybe – with all those silent words, and loud touches.

the entrance of another presence threw him off, and confused him at first. robbed out of his moment of peace, he realised how odd this all must look – to mint, at least. mint. his mind clicked, as if he was shot from a cannon – he almost dropped el to jolt up in excitement, but he managed to contain himself. he even held el closer, to prevent himself from throwing him off in a stupid movement. he reached a hand out to squeeze mint’s cheeks when he stuck his tongue out, and kept it there to laugh at mint’s cute fish-like face. “look el, mint is going to bite his pretty tongue off,” he teased, then blew an air kiss at mint. he winked at el, but the mention of games and snacks got him all hyped up again. “we have to go. lennart does not know the password! what if he waits outside in the cold? oh! we could make him into a snowman!!!!” and there it was, he picked el up as though he was a feather, and even spun once with him. it looked as though they just got married, only his childish reaction made it look more like a silly game. he skipped a few steps to get outside of the common room, not realising he left mint with all their packings. when he did realise though, he was out of the door, and had to put el down to go back and grab some stuff.

when he saw henri, he nearly dropped the bags – he could not be trusted in this state. he skipped one large step, and flung himself easily at the hufflepuff, picking him up shortly to express his excitement. “lennartttttt!!!!!!” he accepted the peck with a grin, and his eyes did a funny roll at the scent. “you are like a walking holiday, what is that? that smells delicious,” he was just inches away from henri’s face, inspecting it. he eventually touched henri’s lips with his fingers to get more of the scent. “yes! all the games, I have so many ideas! and, not enough hands,” he realised he cannot possibly hold three hands, considering he only had two. now that gave him quite a hard time, he turned at el and mint as though searching for answers. “can I grow a third arm? oh, you know what, I will just carry the bags, and you all hold hands, and then I can-“ he got lightheaded for one moment, he had to close his eyes. “take my medicine,” he added, handing henri one of the bags he did not put down. “I will be back,” he pointed at henri – more like at his lips – then looked at el for a while in a loving manner. “I am putting that on a very short commercial break, but I have words. plenty,” he wanted to sound serious, but that was probably not well transmitted. he looked at mint next, with the largest innocent eyes – completely unwillingly. “was it the left or the right drawer? or do you have them? I will get them in a second. do we have to get anything else?”

@－ ❛ ʀ ❜：mint ainsworth。⁰² @－ ❛ ʀ ❜：maël clair。⁰² @－ ❛ ʀ ❜：eleazar azorra-shin。⁰²   Henri luckily was not late. He had been perfectly on time but watching Eleazar and Maël had been beautiful. Eleazar looked so cute and shy but also kind of daring around the tall Ravenclaw so he had silently watched them from afar, no words spilling his lips. He tilted his head a little bit, curious about their talk but then Mint appeared, hugging them both and it felt like it was his time to appear as well. “I am never late,” Henri teased as he appeared at Maël’s side, a warm smile on his lips. He had left Cassiopeia in his room, she had been already asleep when he had gone out, a bag full of the promised goods. Of course he had packed everything earlier, he was always a little worried he might forget something after all. Sometimes even his bright brain betrayed him.

“Games?” he then asked, his eyes lighting up as he pecked all of their cheeks, a soft smooch to their warm skin. He had even made sure to use some tinted lipgloss – none of his lipsticks as they would probably stick too well to the others’ cheeks and he was not sure how well they would like that. He had some make up on as well, just because he had felt like this, and one of his favourite apple cinnamon scented lipglosses had fit perfectly today. He could see how shy Mint got at the show of affection and Henri realised that he had forgotten that the other was always a little surprised at how giving Henri was whenever it came to kisses and hugs and cuddles. But he would make sure the younger would warm up to it too. “I love games. So we definitely need to play,” he hummed, looking excitedly at the other three. Seeing all of them here filled him with happiness and excitement. They were three of his favourite people after all.

“I also brought a few snacks too,” he then said and smiled. “And an additional blanket.” He was not feeling cold too fast but he wasn’t sure about the others so he just wanted to make sure. He grinned brightly, at them as he walked, hopping around in excitement. They would have an amazing time, he was so sure of it. “And of course, myself and cuddles and kisses,” he grinned brightly.

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@－ ❛ ʜ ❜：henri knight。⁰⁴ @－ ❛ ʀ ❜：maël clair。⁰² @－ ❛ ʀ ❜：eleazar azorra-shin。⁰²   “I would not call me devil, unless you are into that. I’m never sure with the both of you,” Mint said as he finally approached the other two, putting his arms around both Maël and Eleazar. He smiled – he was in a good mood, surprisingly. Usually going out with people was exhausting to him, especially if it meant they had no idea what time it would be over but going out with Maël, Eleazar and Henri was nice. He liked all three of them and it was fun to spend time with them – sometimes he even felt recharged after them. “To clear some misunderstandings: I did not choke him. He said he wanted me to choke him and then he choked me afterwards.” He let out the part when they had so there was that as most students were already home over the break, Christmas approaching way too fast this time of the year. “So do not make yourself the victim.” He stuck his tongue out at Maël and then chuckled. However even if he had annoyed the other he knew his best friend would not really mind. They just fit perfectly to each other and it was nice. They just liked to tease.

“I also did not take out anything,” Mint added to it and gently squeezed both of them, excited to be here with them. He had warm clothes and a bag packed as well. Hearing strip poker he huffed and looked at the other two. He did not mind any of that but it was cold outside and maybe strip poker outside in the snow was not their best idea – however maybe they had a way to keep each other warm. And honestly, Mint knew that once he was drunk he would not even care, probably even contemplating if he wanted to go skinny dipping in the half frozen lake.

“Whatever you want, we can play that. But make sure I’m drunk first,” he hummed, enjoying the fact that their Hufflepuff friend would be bringing some alcohol. They were all of age after all, allowed to drink if they felt like it, and therefore not getting in any kind of trouble – hopefully. “I hope Henri isn’t late,” he then mumbled as he kept walking, his hands on the others backs, walking halfway behind them. He wasn’t here to take anyone away from each other, he just wanted to be with both of them.

@－ ❛ ʜ ❜：henri knight。⁰⁴ @－ ❛ ʀ ❜：mint ainsworth。⁰² @－ ❛ ʀ ❜：maël clair。⁰² it was one of those rare late mornings / early afternoons when the common room was actually empty. despite that, the excitement that coursed through his being due to their upcoming plan was palpable though it did not spill over to intoxicate the otherwise serene atmosphere of the room. eleazar found himself settling into what was becoming his second-favourite spot in the room (the first being his own bed in the dorm, of course) - a small round table and two comfortable chairs tucked away into a small alcove next to the telescope set-up on one side and the constellation map that glowed magically on the other. from a distance, one might think that he was the epitome of the ever-hardworking and studious student, hunched over a tome and having one or two rolls of parchment laid out on the table even when the holidays were just around the corner. in fact, he wasn't studying per se; the rolls of parchment were actually letters from his father sharing the findings of his latest research project. eleazar was merely referring to what was possibly their library's oldest tome on potioneering and exploring ways on how he could help assist his father in overcoming at least one of the numerous mishaps of the said project.

he was absorbed in his work, maybe a little too much so, for he did not register his company until mal blew into his ear, causing him to flinch and a soft laugh to escape his throat from the quick peck that followed. Knowing that he probably won't make much progress in the presence of the taller (not that he minded), he made to neatly tuck away his father's letters and the tome, sending it back to his bedside table with a small wave of his wand just as the taller threw himself onto the vacant chair opposite him and nearly fell over, causing him to laugh out a little louder than earlier.

"good afternoon to you too, mal. I see someone's clearly beyond excited, to say the least." eleazar began, allowing the taller to take his dainty hands as mal proceeded to complain his ear off about his recent shenanigans with their fellow housemate and best friend, ask him about the extent of their modesty for the games they were about to play later, enquire about the involvement of a particular handsome hufflepuff prankster and compliment his hands whilst gazing at him with such tender fondness (though not exactly in that order; eleazar actually forgot a good majority of everything that was unleashed given how rapidfire mal was).

"first off, before i get to your questions proper," eleazar paused, making to get up from his seat so that he could step over and take his place right on mal's lap, easily leaning in to plant a soft peck of his own on mal's flawless cheek. "that's more like it. okay, now onto your questions. henri's definitely on board with us, and i can't believe he lets you call him by his middle name when he treats it like a tabooed word with me. also, i'd be down for poker only if we also play seven minutes in heaven or dare or double dare. henri said he'd be bringing a healthy stock of butterbeers, firewhiskies and mead, so that's going to be even more fun." he paused once again, gently freeing one of his hands from mal's so that he could bring it up to card his fingers through the taller's golden locks before letting it rest on mal's flawless cheek. "if mint really did unpack some of your things, i'll help you repack them. just don't use me as your human shield when he attempts to choke or smother you again. and my pretty hands cannot possibly compare with your pretty being, mal." he finished with a small saccharine smile, only faintly registering another set of footsteps bounding energetically against the wooden floor nearing them. "i take it that that's mint about to snatch me from you just so he can annoy you again, or maybe he's snatching you from me. either way, we spoke of the devil and he actually came to make himself known."

@－ ❛ ʜ ❜：henri knight。⁰⁴ @－ ❛ ʀ ❜：mint ainsworth。⁰² @－ ❛ ʀ ❜：eleazar azorra-shin。⁰²   ｡*⋆୭̥ glitter and fairy lights ୭̥⋆*｡

✈ location ; ravenclaw common room & dorm > moving outside
⌽ date ; sometime near christmas (~19th or 20th of december)
⊖ time ; starting morning (~11am)
❉ weather ; a somewhat warm winter day, snow covered the grounds
✎ order ; mal > el > mint > henri
⚘ mood ; ❝ do not forget to trace my skin with your blue lips, love. ❞
♫ soundtrack ; willow smith – wait a minute! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Xfdjqa5dfY)

there was no perfect word to describe just how excited he was feeling, mal tried to find it. he came up with a bunch of synonyms – some he repeated while tailing mint around the room to annoy him. thrilled, exhilarated, enraptured, high as a kite, exuberant – and his favourite, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. he caught mint trying to go along with it, but mal suspected he was trying not to laugh. mal made a case of it repeating the same words, pulling on mint’s robes while rolling around in bed like a small animal – he only ever allowed himself to be like this in front of mint. luckily, they were alone in the room, that only encouraged mal’s peculiar behaviour. he was certain he annoyed mint so much in the last hour, he will end up dumping him somewhere on the way and call it a day. however, mal ‘made it better’ by quite literally smothering mint with a kiss or two – or so he thought, he did not really want to listen to reason. it was not unusual to see mal this excited, but it was quite rare that he would agree to spending numerous hours out in the cold, albeit next to a fire – he was not looking forward to that part of their adventure. but something convinced him otherwise – as he walked down to the common room, he remembered what it was.

he spotted el at the table, probably preoccupied with plans or who knows what – maybe he was sneaking in some pre-fun studying. mal bit back a smile, and sneaked behind el, not wanting to disturb him right away. but he leaned over whatever he was doing, not really paying attention to it. he was merely trying to get close enough to annoy el – somehow, his energy made him annoy every single human he deemed close enough. he blew some air into el’s ear, but quickly pecked his cheek afterwards to diminish the discomfort. “I wanted to ask if we are playing poker, or if we are stopping at uno?” he did not really joke about it, but with how bouncy he was, it could have been a joke. he completely abandoned trying to figure out what el was up to, and instead, he threw himself full force on the chair in front of el. it was a bad idea – he almost tumbled down with it. he realised that and managed to balance out the chair last minute, pressing a hand over his chest to let out a relieved sigh.

“well now I know the furniture here should not be manhandled,” with his breath stabilised, he reached for el’s hands. it was better to look at him from this angle, he liked el’s face. correction, he often got lost looking at him – just like on occasions he lost his wits watching other wonderfully beautiful beings. he tugged at el’s fingers, still in his childish, excited headspace. “is lennart on board? I am all packed, I think. unless mint took out some things to annoy me. did you know he is impossibly irritating at times? I should spend more time with you and lennart. he tried to choke me last night because I called him ugly. it was only because he called me ugly first, and my tiredness prevented me from kicking his arse,” his complaints were quite pointless – he was too fond of mint to actually get annoyed by him. he kept looking at el’s fingers, somehow he found that particular activity interesting. “you have pretty hands, el,” he smiled and tried to find his eyes. he was quite honest – but his body was softly trembling. he made a note to himself to take his medication before leaving, or else he might end up using his friends as a slide down the hill.