— solo prompts.

! 「 trigger warnings : anxiety, brief mentions of therapy, topics around mental illness 」 !

Taeyeon had the habit of biting her nails.

Part of it was boredom, sitting around backstage waiting for her name to be called for another audition Taeyeon was sure she wouldn't get. Even before, when she was almost guaranteed to get it if she tried, even a little, the habit remained. While she waited, anxiety gritting at her ribcage, it was just something to do. She thought that despite her successful auditions and hefty resumé, there was a chance for her to be laughed off the stage, laughed at by the other actors and actresses behind her who wanted so badly to be in the place she was. It never happened, but Taeyeon could never deny the possibility.

She didn't have stage fright. It was stupid for someone like her to have stage fright. And she usually didn't once she got on stage. But the way her heart thumped and her chest felt like it was already so full of air that she couldn't take in another breath—

Her nail tech told her to stop. She gave her tips and tricks to stop her from biting her nails. She once asked Taeyeon why she bit her nails. Taeyeon told her it was boredom. Her nail tech suggested bringing something else to the auditions, like a book or something to fiddle with while she waited. Taeyeon went to the nail salon instead of the therapist's office because it was cheaper, and she felt like she was being productive rather than wasting her time crying the whole session.

She only went when she had to when nail-biting and sleepless nights got so bad Taeyeon couldn't function. She didn't like how her dreams were more vivid after going to her therapist. They made her toss and turn at night, and she'd wake up to the makeup artist scolding her for the circles under her eyes.

Her head swirled before her name was called. "Aria Kim," A simple melody from the casting director's mouth, and Taeyeon rose, walking towards the audition room. This was her last chance at going for Sandy, the final tier before she would be outcasted from Broadway and with nowhere to go. She heard a few whispers from the women beside her, all tall, blonde, and white with Australian accents, a feminine cadence. She envied them; every role was perfectly made for them as long as they could fake an accent. Taeyeon struggled with roles that suited her in every way but her face and race. It was easier then, being the one they would cast regardless of race because of her talent, but now there were dozens like her in every other casting room. She was just another woman with too big of a mouth and too large of an age.

"My name is Aria Kim, and I will be auditioning for the role of Sandy."

The team rolled their eyes but let her go on. Taeyeon gripped her script a little tighter but sang when the notes hit her ears when the song let her sing. The casting director knew her name, and she had seen him countless times before. And when she left, she saw a big red X next to her name before they smiled at her and asked her to leave.

Taeyeon waited until she left the hallway before biting her nails. Would there be a point in calling her nail tech again?

↺ ʙᴀᴇ ꜱᴜᴢʏ, ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ

"you're looking for him again, suji," her fiancé called out her habit, whispering into her ear all the while pulling her closer by the waist. suzy's hold on the stem of her wine glass tightened due to the abrupt gesture. she attempted to put some distance between them but she was held in place as her fiancé exchanged greetings with the key people of the gala. she threw a strained smile when she was introduced, nodding along to the conversation.

it was a routine she was shaped for yet everything felt wrong. the man beside her felt nothing more than the one holding on to her puppet strings. the ring adorned with pieces of diamonds around her left ring finger a shackle. she used to love coming to galas regardless of the side notes her parents made her to comply. their words never did dampened her mood, not when she'd enter the gala arm in arm with her childhood friend. back then...back then things felt right.

"should i check the guest list for you? then we can greet him together." her fiancé teased once they were alone again. suzy set her glass down on the table before pushing her fiancé away, harder this time. her heart shriveled at the thought of her childhood friend in front of her while she's beside another. it tightened even more when she pictured him with his plus one. she knew her fear showed in her face when her fiancé let out a small mocking laugh. oh, how she wished she could splash a glass of red wine on his face.

"shouldn't you continue dirt off shareholders' shoes?" she said, smiling through gritted teeth. he wasn't the only one with a finger on the place where it hurts most. her fiancé's expression darkened, though he made no statement to rebuke. instead, he scoffed, picking up a wine glass from a nearby waitress. he walked past her, pausing to whisper once again,"just a reminder that you made your choice. it was him or me," then continued on his way.

suzy swallowed the fact, one that her fiancé never let her forget, releasing a shaky breath as she assured herself,"it was the best choice..." rather than seeing someone she holds close suffering under her father. it was the best choice. perhaps, for him. perhaps, for her. perhaps, back then.

Present time... [10.45 A.M. ]

"This afternoon will be cold and windy across most of the Island. We're under the influence of low pressure, and this weather front pushing northwards is bringing clouds and outbreaks of rain." Typing sounds could be heard from the backseat, soundproof cabin muffled the traffic outside into a harmonious arrangement with the radio forecast. His driver accelerates smoothly through the jammed highway on this cloudy morning. His flight is in an hour, and the young executive not wasting any passing seconds. Evaluating each paper from lined-up annual reports, the macbook was his sole companion since very late last night.

Just as he had to halt his sore eyes from the monitor, his gaze shift outside just as the first drop of pouring rain hit his windowsill. Muffled thunder from a distance masked the heavy downpour. He watch each skyscraper they parted through freeway. Familiar names tagged on top of those mountain towers; almost half of them functioning hand by hand with his shares. All those capital values with hundreds of workers and billions of people in this metropolis city. Each people he has met throughout twenty-five years of his life. But never in a second, he felt far away from emptiness.

Every step he took, every place he ended up. It still feels like he walked the earth on his own, stepping into a wilderness of civilization, through every connection he built to be a part of society. His body constantly leans into cold temperatures, and his breaths always calm and steady in the most difficult states. Sometimes he couldn't even tell if he was truly a living human but he still has long ways to go, cause he still feels lonely in this ecosystem, to feel something beyond his custom and tedious routine. He could only wished for that something.

「　10 august, 2022。　」
　⇢ now playing ↻ the kraken by hans zimmer

⚠ trigger warnings ⚠
　　↳ abuse
　　↳ implied non-con
　　↳ murder

･ﾟ✧

suhyeon had been lucky to get home before seunghyun that day, and she had already started on dinner by the time six o'clock rolled around. it wasn't anything too crazy—homemade food was always the best, and suhyeon prided herself on being able to make a budae jjigae that had anybody coming back for seconds and thirds, even her husband. not only that, but it was a recipe of her grandmother's, and so she had felt it was appropriate to make it that day because she had been craving it—it had been too long since she had had a recipe of her grandmother's. she would have to pay her tombstone a visit later in the week.

she was getting the table set up when the front door slammed open roughly, and she winced before she could help herself—it must have been a bad day at work for seunghyun, and she knew she was about to get the brunt of it. thankfully, she didn't work the rest of the week, and she had managed to keep herself off call until friday.

"yah, , what's for dinner? it better be ready!" the shout only grew louder as seunghyun stomped through the house to the kitchen, not having bothered to take off his shoes, and suhyeon's eyes lowered to the ground before she turned back to the stove.

"sit down jagiyah, i'll bring the pot over." suhyeon kept her voice soft before she grabbed the towels, carefully picking up the large pot of budae jjigae before turning towards the table. she startled when she saw seunghyun standing right behind her, a murderous expression on his face, and he raised an eyebrow.

"why wasn't it already on the table?" his tone was harsh but low as he asked her his question, and suhyeon swallowed heavily.

"i wanted to keep it warm for you, jagi—"

a loud crack sounded through the room as seunghyun backhanded her so hard that his wedding ring broke skin as it scraped across her cheek, and suhyeon gasped in surprise as she fell to the ground, the pot with her budae jjigae tumbling out of her hands to land all over the floor. she whimpered softly as her hands shook, already knowing what was coming, but it didn't prepare her for the feeling of his foot kicking into her chest.

"you're wasting my time, it should have been on the table by the time i got home," seunghyun said in a dangerous voice, and suhyeon closed her eyes tightly before they flew open at the sound of a belt buckle coming undone. she could only lay there as he started to take his pants off, and she sniffled softly—she was *tired* of this behaviour, tired of being thrown around like a ragdoll and used as a toy only for his gratification. she was laying on the kitchen floor covered in hot budae jjigae as her husband crawling to end up above her, and suhyeon knew that this would be her only time to act.

she brought her knee up to connect with his groin, and he cursed loudly before she knocked her head into his as roughly as she could. seunghyun groaned as he rolled off of her to the side, and she scrambled up to her feet as best as she could with her slippers on a slippery floor. he reached out and grabbed at her ankle to pull her back down, and suhyeon yelped as she reached out to try and catch herself on the counter, a few utensils clattering to the ground around her as she fell.

"let go of me!" suhyeon shouted in a useless attempt to scream for anybody—none of their neighbours were close enough to hear the screams, since they were so close to the woods. seunghyun chuckled darly when he realised what she was doing, and he his lips before wrapping both hands around her neck. instantly her hands flew up to wrap around his wrists, and she wriggled underneath his body weight as he choked her.

"this will be the last time you up dinner, useless ." seunghyun growled as his grip tightened around her neck, and suhyeon's eyes rolled back into her head as she fought for air. one hand came down to try and reach for the pot that had fallen to the ground, but her fingers came into contact with something better—the knife she had been using for the spam.

curling her fingers around the blade to pull it closer, she pushed away the pain that shot through her hand as she managed to get a grip on the handle, and she didn't think twice before ing it upwards into seunghyun's stomach. instantly his hold around her neck loosened, but suhyeon was on fight mode, and she pulled it back out before stabbing him again, and again, until he was no longer squirming and instead breathing heavily and wetly.

"you're going to hell for this." seunghyun rasped out before coughing up blood, and suhyeon ignored the way it splattered onto her face as she moved slowly to straddle him with the knife pointed over his head. "god will never accept you again."

"i've met god." suhyeon hummed softly as she narrowed her eyes, making sure the knife was right over where seunghyun's heart rested in his chest. "he had nothing nice to say about you."

she grunted as she shoved the knife into seunghyun's chest to pierce his heart, and she slumped over as the light left his eyes slowly.

finally, she was free.

suhyeon blinked slowly as she came back to herself, the adrenaline wearing off, and she looked down at her hands before her fingers uncurled themselves from around the knife's handle. seunghyun's blood was spreading out from him in a slow circle, mixing with the spilt budae jjigae, and he was unmoving on the floor.

"i need to remake dinner," suhyeon mumbled softly before standing up on shaky legs, picking up the knife and the other utensils that had fallen before placing them in the sink, making sure to grab the pot as well. she the water to fill it up for cleaning before she looked down at seunghyun's body on the kitchen floor, clicking her tongue before walking out of the kitchen.

she went to grab bedsheets that they rarely used—they were itchy on suhyeon's skin, but seunghyun had insisted on them for wintertime when it was cold—and walked back into the kitchen, crouching down and starting to wrap up his body with them. as she went, she mopped up the mess as best as she could with the bedsheets as well, and suhyeon groaned before bending down to pick seunghyun's body up as best as she could. she was short but loved going to the gym, so it wasn't as hard as she had assumed it would be (still, he was heavy).

not bothering to change out of her slippers, suhyeon slipped out the backdoor and walked with the body into the woods, looking around and making sure that it was a hidden spot off of the popular trails before dropping seunghyun to the ground, covering him up loosely in a few branches covered in leaves before she walked back to the house.

she focused on the dishes first as she was still hungry, and as the fresh batch of budae jjigae bubbled happily on the stove, suhyeon put on a mask and went to work scrubbing at the floor. she was grateful that seunghyun had insisted on marbled floors for the kitchen, so she didn't have that much to clean—the blood hadn't really soaked into anything. she sprayed some air freshener in the kitchen before going to the bedroom to change, leaving her clothes and slippers in the trashcan to be dealt with after dinner.

after all, seunghyun had made a mess of it in the kitchen, and suhyeon wasn't going to bed without her homemade budae jjigae—it was her grandmother's recipe after all, and it had been too long since she had had her grandmother's cooking.

「　living in hell。　」
　⇢ now playing ↻ save me by jelly roll

⚠ trigger warnings ⚠
　　↳ abusive relationship
　　↳ body dysphoria
　　↳ implied drug use
　　↳ infidelity
　　↳ mentions of gang related activities (robbery, non-con, etc.)

･ﾟ✧　

mark rubbed at his eyes as he dug through his hoodie pockets for his keys, fumbling with them for a moment before finally getting them inside the door. he tried to be quiet as it was still late—nobody in the apartment complex was usually awake at three in the morning, or they were simply keeping to themselves. he had to believe it was the latter, since hanwoo was always screaming at him and throwing him into the furniture around the flat.

he stayed quiet as he opened and shut the front door, about to toe off his sneakers before he thought again. it was silent in the apartment, only the lamp in the front hallway still on from when mark had turned it on about 24 hours ago to leave for the meeting that had turned into a whole raid. hanwoo must have been out.

"thank god." mark whispered inaudibly to himself, shaking his head as he pulled off the baseball cap to run a hand through his hair—it was getting long, and he needed to get it cut, but he had been putting it off for a while. hanwoo preferred it long anyway, something about liking to pull on it often, but it was getting to a length that mark's body dysphoria was starting to make him itch uncomfortably.

there was a quiet noise that sounded from the direction of the bedroom, and mark froze before looking down at his shoes. hanwoo had probably brought over one of the girls again, as he had grown dissatisfied with mark's body since he had gotten top surgery, and mark closed his eyes for a moment before taking the first step into the apartment.

he just had to check, to know that it was happening for certain.

he had never actually come across hanwoo cheating on him, having never heard any noises or ever encountered anybody from the gang coming and going from the apartment building, so it was a thought that had been pushed to the back of his mind. why would hanwoo cheat on him when mark did everything he asked, including joining the gang and continuously doing illegal things that he had even served jail time for? but the women in the gang would talk about it, they would mention how hanwoo was so good in bed, and they would talk about the comfortable bed in the apartment they shared.

the door to the bedroom was cracked open, and mark took the final step forward to peek inside, his heart dropping into his stomach as he saw the sight before him.

hanwoo was laying on his back—not doing any of the work, that sounded about right for most of their life together—with a feminine figure on top of him, and he only had eyes for the woman riding his . she was taking it slow and he seemed to like it, a slight smirk on his face as his head fell back against the pillows (against the pillow *mark* slept on). hanwoo brought a hand up to caress at her back before he slapped her , and the woman squealed in surprise before giggling as she started to move faster.

mark blinked a few times before backing away from the door, looking around the apartment with wide eyes. hanwoo had left his wallet out on the table, and mark immediately went over to it before pulling out all the cash that he could and pocketing it. he worked the key to the apartment off of his key ring before placing it on the countertop where it wouldn't be found right away, and he made sure that he grabbed the varsity jacket from off of the hook by the front door—the only thing left from his past in dandelion, a gift from his friends when the debate team won his senior year of high school.

he slipped out the front door and made it all the way down the stairs and into his car in the parking garage before he dropped his head forward to rest his forehead on the steering wheel, letting out a shaky sigh. seeing real proof that his boyfriend didn't give a about him had shaken mark to his core, but he couldn't think about that at the moment.

his phone rang suddenly, startling mark out of his thoughts, and he looked down at the screen when he saw that junyoung was calling—he didn't want to go back to the gang, he couldn't. it had ruined his life. instead of picking up the call, he waited until it ended before immediately turning it off, starting up his car.

mark drove to the nearest police department and parked his car, making sure he had his phone, wallet, and keys before walking into the station. maybe this was a bad idea, especially because he was still riding the high of whatever junyoung had given him to shoot up earlier that night, but he was done being the patsy of the gang.

he had let the abuse go on for too long, and it had gotten to him. mark had been on the track to getting himself a career before he had met hanwoo, but then he dropped out from community college and joined the gang, knowing that he couldn't date hanwoo without getting their approval. mark had done things he wasn't proud of—he had stolen cars, robbed convenience stores, been a getaway driver, mug elderly women on the streets, and gotten addicted to meth. he had gotten tattoos that he didn't even remember getting, he had been roofied and passed around to the other members of the gang, and he had been in and out of jail for almost three years at that point.

now, he wouldn't let anybody else be hurt by them.

"hello, i'd like to speak with an officer or detective immediately." mark said after he bowed to the secretary, and she looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "i'm sorry to barge in, but i have information on the three rings gang that will help you find and arrest some of the leaders, and i need to speak with somebody right now."

the secretary directed mark to sit down in the waiting room before making a phone call, presumably to somebody else in the station, and mark looked down at his tattooed hands as he waited.

all he knew was that detox was gonna be a .

( 2006 and onwards, Seoul, South Korea. )

Many people would tell their kids like, “Oh, you’re too young to understand.” or “I’ll tell you when you’re older.” But even Chan, at the tender age of seven, had some idea of what was going on. His father never shielded him from more mature topics, even though they had always been dumbed down to words Chan could understand. And he could definitely understand that his mother, someone he thought he and his dad could fully trust, was exposed to be pregnant with another man’s child. Chan wasn’t sure of how the child came to be, at least not yet at his age, but he knew and deeply understood a concept that he resented his mother for doing: betrayal. His mother’s pregnancy was revealed to his father through Chan’s aunt, who was both his father’s sister and his mother’s close friend. It was absolute hell in that household for the first week: shouting, slamming of doors, cursing and even breaking glass items. He could hear it all from the other side of the door. His father couldn’t handle taking care of another man’s child after getting cheated on, so divorce was imminent and Chan was stuck between his parents. By that time, he already knew which side he’d be taking. It was unfortunate that he’d be staying physically on /both/ sides.

His mother wouldn’t let him go and he despised her for it. Maybe it was just his early fantasy of having a perfect nuclear family affecting his view of her, but young Chan couldn’t stand that she did not only agree to the divorce, but was the direct cause of his father’s heartache. Chan /adored/ his father, he was his idol from the very beginning and over time his relationship with his mother dissipated into almost nothing. Sure, his mother put a roof over his head, sent him to school (tuition being paid by his father), fed him but… so did his dad. Just from a distance. He would sound ungrateful to an outsider, not caring for his mother, but Chan could never tolerate cheating, especially if it broke the person he cared about the most at the time.

Cooped up in his bedroom at the age of 16, Chan would always avoid eating dinner with his mother and his half-brother Kihyun on purpose. He had finally snapped an hour earlier, shouting directly at his mother for ruining their family and breaking his father’s heart. She did nothing but take it all and sit in silence. Though his full brother Hwan was younger when the news of cheating and divorce came to light, he listened to his older brother over the years. Chan was overjoyed that he would be living with his father in Dandelion during summer vacations and holiday breaks. He tolerated his mother even if she did try to get close to him, he just felt disgusted being near her. This forced him to become more independent, learning how to cook and clean and do laundry by himself, without her guidance.

The second he graduated high school, he took every chance to get away from her, living in the dorms at Hongik University, being supported by his then-meager income from YouTube ads as well as his father’s constant financial aid. Once he finished his higher education, getting his degree, he bolted for Dandelion, packing his things and leaving his mother and his brothers behind. She did nothing to stop him as she barely saw him as a son at that point, and she was no longer his mother. He and his father discussed it, with his dad welcoming him with open arms.

“I’ll come back for you, okay?” he whispered to his brother Hwan before he got on the bus going to Dandelion. Hwan was still in college but was just as ready to leave the cause of their broken family as Chan was.

( 2011. Seoul, South Korea. )

TW / CW.
⤷ death
⤷ car accident

The Seoul Olympic Stadium was jam-packed, filled to the brim with fans of Victory Trench, even the band members could hear their screams from backstage as they waited for the second half of the concert to start. The group was blessed to have been celebrating their 5th anniversary since debut in the largest stadium in South Korea. They had done their initial setlist, but headlining their most recent album, titled Comatose. At this point, only a handful of his group and staff knew about his addiction, he didn’t have reason to broadcast to them, even if they were close to him.

Hongki inhaled deeply, walking off of the stage after their epic finale for their song Eternal, downing a big gulp of water as his voice recovered from the high notes. Not that it was hard to do for him, his voice was very much in its prime and could handle the task of bursting out rock high notes. His hand gripped his black, gemstone-encrusted microphone as he stood in the waiting area, makeup artists wiping his sweat and touching up his concealer which was coming off from his sweat and moving around on stage. The other guys, namely Kwanghee the guitarist and Haneul the drummer were standing a bit away from her, speaking in hushed tones to their manager, Yooil. This was unusual for them, as they were always open to each other, even behind the scenes.

He approached them, entering their small circle where they stood. “What’s going on?” he asked, chewing his inner cheek and looking at the three men. They seemed to hesitate, sweating a little as they looked at Hongki, paling at his words. Yooil dragged Hongki away from the two others, pulling him to a corner and showing him that he had his cellphone. “I don’t know how to say this, Hong…” his manager started to say with a shaky voice before inhaling deeply.

“While you were onstage, your phone rang and it was a call from the Asan Hospital morgue, and eventually the Seoul Police Department.” Hongki couldn’t help but crane his neck forward, his heart starting to race. “Your parents passed away a few minutes ago. They were victims of a drunk driving accident, I’m sorry Hongki. Condolences.” Hongki couldn’t process his manager’s words properly at first, but once he absorbed it a moment later, his body grew cold. The grip on his microphone tightened, his fist shaking around it and his palm aching as the gemstones dug harder into his skin. After the initial shock, Hongki stayed dead silent as tears fell. He said nothing for 15 minutes, just standing in the corner after his manager left him. None of his bandmates, who already knew at that point, bothered him in his soft, sobbing state.

Hongki couldn’t form a single sentence, swallowing his tears after 20 minutes. The fans must have been waiting, and it was time for them to go onstage in 3 minutes, according to the clueless stage manager. He wiped his sweat-stained forehead, digging his nails harshly into his scalp, as if the pain would stop him from crying, and he turned around to look at his band and manager, his face blank and his eyes abnormally dark. The makeup on him his any signs of a breakdown and he walked towards the stage, and he stated as he passed the group of men. “I’ll handle it later. Let’s finish the show.” he uttered out with no signs of emotion that it was almost terrifying. They had 15 minutes left until the concert would end, he’d blast out those high notes and he’d bid farewell to his parents at the morgue later on. ‘The show must go on,’ he thought.

Their next song to be performed was Born Alive, and they did it flawlessly, no signs of stress, sadness or tension from any of them, even if Hongki’s heart was tight throughout the remaining 15 minutes of the concert.

( 2020, Seoul, South Korea. )

It had been a good few years for Seoham, aside from his relationship with his father becoming more strained after he told him he was pursuing art instead of law. Lucky for Seoham, all of his webtoons were well-loved by the public and devoted fans alike. He did get a few criticisms here and there, but it didn’t bother him, especially when his webtoon Underling was multi-awarded both by art blogs and Korean culture blogs alike. It was high time that Seoham finally revealed who Seungjin, his webtoon author alias, was. His editor was actually the one who convinced him to do it, especially since his very first public work, Summer Swing, was being adapted into a K-Drama by a big Korean TV network.

He had been sitting in his medium-sized Seoul apartment, where he had been living since he graduated, with partial support for his parents. Seoham knew he was always awkward during videos, even his high school interviews were terrible and cringe to watch. His hands covered his face for a good 10 minutes, moving up and down as he did weird-sounding breathing exercises while doing those vocal exercises he heard on TV. ‘It will be fine, don’t worry. You have a script.’ he thought to himself, staring at the paper on the table written by his management’s PR team. He had been building up to this in his author’s notes on the webtoon apps and sites, finally giving the Instagram handle to the public 10 minutes before the live would start.

Finally, he pressed ‘start’ and the Instagram live began. He was dressed as best as he could and his face was clear and he waved to the camera. “Hey, everyone. It’s me… Seungjin. But I guess I can reveal my real name? It’s me, Park Seoham.” he spoke politely, flashing a smile and waving at the camera. He eyed the comments, blinking at the mixed reactions and comments as they came in. ‘How tall are you?’ ‘You have a big forehead.’ ‘Ah, he’s so handsome!’ It was a lot to take in, but it was mostly positive and he couldn’t help but smile. He continued on, moving to digitally tour them in his drawing room, which was beside his bedroom. More hearts and positive comments coming in and he was close to jumping for joy.

Filled with relief, he was going to move the Instagram live to his agency’s office, which was just a taxi ride from his apartment building. While answering the stream of comments. ‘I’m 193cm.’ ‘I think big foreheads are good luck!’ ‘Wow, thank you.’ and so many more replies, he stepped out of his apartment, careful not to show the outside windows so his exact location was hidden. Shutting the door, he continued answering, careful with his steps.

Seoham was one step too late while still on the Instagram live. He was still paying attention to the screen, which was his (literal) downfall. His right foot slipped and he fell down the stairs from his apartment on the 5th floor, tumbling all the way down to the 4th. From the viewer’s point of view, the screen was shaking (he kept a tight grip on his phone the whole fall down) and pained grunts could be heard (it was Seoham, loud and clear). The man landed on his side, the arm holding his phone tucked underneath him. The screen was black since his body was covering it. He was coughing, curled up for a moment on the ground from the pain and lifted his phone up to his face again, a light bruise forming on his face as he landed on it too. He stared at the comments, some were in panic, but the majority were amusement. ‘Oh my god, did he die?!’ ‘Why is the screen black?!’ ‘Holy —’ ‘He’s not very coordinated is he?’ ‘He’s handsome and talented… man needs a flaw yk.’

“Th-thank you for viewing the live. I’ll post the next few chapters soon, goodbye!” he spoke shakily, because halfway down his arm knocked into his neck, hurting his throat and pausing his breath for a second. He quickly turned the live off, rubbing his face in embarrassment.

Less than an half an hour later, he checked the trending topics on Twitter, advised by his agent.

Korea Trending Topics
#1 Park Seoham
#2 Seungjin
#3 HE FELL DOWN THE STAIRS
#4 Is he okay
#5 CLUMSY
#6 Why is the screen black
#7 LMAOOO

‘At least everyone knew his name and face now.’ he thought, sighing as he changed his Instagram username from “treepsh95” to “seoseungjin” which was a mix of Seoham and Seungjin, so people would find him easily.

[post deleted by owner]

[post deleted by owner]

20XX

Books laid out around him in a circle at the park, each open to random pages that seemed barren compared to schoolwork from prior years. In every column of the textbooks there would be streaks of multiple colored highlighters and tiny notes that sometimes required a magnifying glass. His notebooks had questions and theories that he wanted to present to his professor after class, knowing that his classmates would groan at him if he did it in the middle of another lecture and wasting valuable time right before their midterm. Gone were his fleshed out flashcards. They were replaced with useless doodles on index cards gone to waste. Instead of his large canteen of medicinal teas that his mother brewed him every morning next to him, he had a couple of soju bottles that were whistle clean.

His face was already heating up, a soft tinge of pink on cheeks. Rather than it being the low count of drinks he already had this early in the evening, he blamed it on the warmer than expected afternoon. Yet it was that warm weather that had him calling for a reason to drink, why not enjoy this beautiful day with something extra? Why waste it all on studying for a midterm that he knew he would ace, even with his less than stellar class attendance. Reaching for his lukewarm water bottle, he rubbed it against his face that somewhat cooled it. He closed his eyes and sighed. Anything cooler than his face would do the trick.

BAM.

This relief was only short lived, his eyes wide open as he straighten himself up. On top of him was a little boy or toddler, who looked older than a newborn, but definitely younger than a kindergartener. It was difficult to say as he did not have much experience in recognizing kids’ ages. The child was dressed in a pale blue suit. The pants barely cutting off at the knees and a matching colored bowtie with the suit. Already his white shirt had a faded pink stain. Despite the boy’s messy black hair, it was hidden well with the birthday party hat.

From the distance, Myungsoo would hear a familiar voice, “Don’t bother the young man. You’ll be late for dinner with grandma and grandpa. You don’t want to be late, Minhwan.”

Minhwan.

The name had Myungsoo’s blood run cold. It was at that moment, he took a good look at the child that was on top of him. They shared the same lips. Hers had a cold feel to them, but could easily become warm almost as if she mastered the art of smiling. She knew how to control them, leveraging her control and spin on her chosen target. It was partially what attracted him to her the moment they first met, heart fluttering and dangerous. On Minhwan, it was a completely different story. He only exuded warmth from his smile, just like his eyes.

The two males shared the same eyes. People used to stay away from Myungsoo, saying that he seemed cold and indifferent. Others would say just a blank stare from him would intimidate others easily, despite that being far from his intentions. On Minhwan though his eyes were warm and bright. It was these same eyes that had a curious look to them as the two stared back at one another. There was no fear in the child’s eyes, but fascination rather as if he found a rare fairytale creature. However, Myungsoo would argue with the term of creature. Was the boy staring at a monster instead?

“Minhwan, come back-” the woman ran up to the two, but like Myungsoo she stopped in her tracks. Only a look of fear came upon her, unable to say anything until they heard the little boy giggle. Broken out of her trance, she finally snatched the toddler from him. In that instance, she could catch a whiff of alcohol from the male that only led to a disappointed expression. She wasted no time in separating the two, running off to her husband. One quick glance at the buzzed male and the family scurried away without another word.

Myungsoo never had a chance to hold his boy for a second time. He reached for the third bottle of soju he originally saved for later, drinking a large swig from the bottle. That was why he drank today. It was Minhwan's birthday.

Ashley stares blankly at the calendar hung on the wall of the bakery. It’s almost been four months since she came back to her family—how time flies. She looks back at her laptop screen with the message of her aunt back in New York about a job opening in their close friend’s place. Thousands of thoughts running her head at once as she pulls up her outdated resume file. As much as everything almost felt like a new home for her, Ashley always knew at the back of her mind this was all temporary for her until she could get back to her feet just as her mother said. And here is the opportunity that presented itself to her. Shaking fingers are now hovering on the keyboard, now worrying how is she to say goodbye to all the people she befriended these past months.

[ tw: anxiety attack ]

amberly often heard that people gave their struggles a name, to make them more real and tangible. to treat them as completely separate person or entity altogether, making it easier to talk about or fight. for her, she often pictured her anxieties as a storm. sometimes the skies were clear and happy blue with sunshine warming every inch of her. 

but then clouds would gather, blackening and threatening. wind kicking up to set all her senses on high alert. the rumbles and flashes crescendoing to panic that made her hide away. she could try to take shelter, to dissipate the rain, but sometimes gales of wind would shove down and into her chest, taking her breath away. the more she tried to batten the hatches down or conceal it, the worse it would get. she could ignore the horrible feeling in her chest and smile through it - acting as if nothing was the matter to people while silently drowning and being thrown around by a tidal wave on the inside. or worse, it would build and build and build - all to come crashing down and wreck her apart.

out of control, spiralling, she would grasp onto anything that could keep her safe - breathing techniques, covering her ears, hiding away until she was well enough to face people. but sometimes, with her lifestyle, she couldn't break away. she had to fake a grin and bear with it. those days were the worst - on those days, with no outlet, the stress tugged at her insides, building up and up and up until it all came crashing down.

the brunette felt so alone in her fight against the world. it had gotten much worse since she came back to dandelion. the tiniest things stuck to her brain like a magnet pulling in every nail, growing and growing till it exploded in thunderous panic. 

today was one of those days that just felt... off. amberly woke up late with a twinge in her back and missed breakfast. she had to walk around all day with stiff muscles, barely able to keep the scowl off her face. but of course, she was amberly kim, quick with a charming smile and polite greeting, the perfect solution right at her fingertips. though it seemed like today she couldn't coach into a smile, her fingers couldn't find the right answer. the final straw was a pen snapping, dark ink staining her hand.

amberly scolded herself. she was a fully grown, adult woman. she shouldn't be escaping to her flat in tears just because of a broken pen like a damn child! and yet here she was, crashing through, tossing her bag onto the bed and slamming the door behind herself, sinking down it. she buried her face in her stained hands and sat on the floor, where she could finally let the storm clap.

she slowly moved her hands to her knees and panted, mind turning static-y and impending doom putting her entire being on alert. 

she was a failure. everything was falling apart. she couldn’t do it — she was a mess — she couldn’t breathe. she couldn’t breathe.

she found herself on her back before she knew it, palms pressing hard into her eyes - the lights bursting outward from the pressure. there were techniques that she had learned but it was all escaping her at that moment, spiralling her emotions even worse. the young ceo felt utterly helpless and alone - drowning in the storm of her own making.

she forced herself to breathe. in, one two three . out, one two three. rinse and repeat. she tightened her hands until they were fists, painful fists and she tucked them against her chest. she was shaking, she noticed distantly, and she tried again to breathe. in, one two three. out, one two three.

the attack, like all attacks, will ebb and flow and fade. amberly will weather this storm.

 she has to.

 in, one two three. out, one two three.

[post deleted by owner]

Silverstone. Two Years Ago.

Rain pounded the track that weekend. It was a waste to wear anything white, not even off shade or creme. Jackets and shirts were drenched and became see-through within seconds outside. Bottoms of pants and shoes were soaked and caked with mud that would be nearly impossible to clean. Each day worsened from the last as the officials debated over potential cancellation and delayed the races repeatedly. Already the drivers were on the edge. Like Monaco, Silverstone was a prestigious track, winning that was pure showcasing of a driver’s abilities. However, the rain brought a certain tension and danger like no other. A small mistake would only amplify its consequences in these conditions.

In weather like this, it was nearly impossible to see. Sprays of mists would linger longer in the air, nearly making it seem like drivers had to cut through thick gray smoke rather than water. It was a damn miracle to spot the cars only a few feet in front, making the flashing red rear lights were heaven sent or else it would be a death wish to drive in this state. At times it would seem like cars were flying on the slippery roads, all too easy to lose control of the beast. On turn seven, Sainz spun out and he was not the first of the drivers. Everyone was more careful, giving extra room to their fellow racer and becoming more precise on when to brake and what position to take on the road.

Jongin lived for moments like this. He joked in press conferences that the rain allowed him to overtake his competition more easily. His team would always scold him over the radio that he needed to slow down in these conditions, he could easily spin out or hit the wall. It was in the rain though that he played his game of chicken with nature, something he would have to pray for forgiveness at church to try his luck and test his relationship with God like that. Not much could beat the sensation though. The adrenaline that rushed through his veins. The beating of his heart was louder and harder, but it brought him a joy like no other. That was tested though these days from a girl.

How corny of him to say. A girl.

Yet it was a girl that brought him a rush that he only felt in the races. How long had it been since he felt a feeling like that? It was this same girl that waited for him at the paddock today, outside of the motorhome that would bring her protection from the rain and fans. She had no need for the cameras or publicity though. She knew her beauty and brains’ worth and did not need to be fawned over them. Instead, she stood outside and relied on an umbrella for its flimsy protection as she waited, wanting to be the first one to greet him from the race.

Jongin’s career allowed him to meet many women. As crude as it way to say, he had his choice too. Like many other twenty-something year olds at the beginning of their fame, he took advantage of this benefit that would see him landing in bed with models, actresses, and singers on a daily basis or what he was allowed. At the track, he could easily write his number on any girl’s paper instead of an autograph or have his staff introduce him to the hottest fan. Social media was a whole other tool. His DMs would refresh with new messages, faces, names, and options. He had no problem finding a bedmate in every city that they raced in. Things changed when he met her.

No more was the want to slip his number to other girls or pride himself with the DMs he had after each race. Now all he had to look forward to was her rather than the final lap and the standing at the podium, where his name would be chanted and copious amounts of champagne wasted for him. He had her.

Despite there being few people around them, he knew that that he would be able to spot her in any crowd, just like when they first met. In the sea of people, there was only him and her. It did not take long for her to find him too. As their eyes locked in this downpour, she ran as fast she could in her wedges and gripped onto her umbrella. Meanwhile, Jongin found himself running to her, ensuring that he could catch her if she were to fall.

The second they finally met, she dropped her umbrella. Gone were her done wavy locks that she spent the morning to do, but did not need. She was already beautiful without that sort of glam, finding her most enchanting in the morning and in bed with him as the first person he would start his days with. Now her hair was soaked like many others. Her eyes shined as they always did, one of the first things that captured him when they met. As cocky as it was for him to assume, he swore that around him they twinkled even more. It made him swell with pride knowing that he could have that affect on her.

That smile. God really did spend a little more time when it came to her. When she did not smile, her lips made her chic, mysterious, almost cheeky at times. They were tempting, irresistible even if she would be the Helen to one’s Troy. Yet, when she smiled there was a warmth to it that made him feel like belonged somewhere, to someone. She was someone he had to protect, made sure that she was happy, received what she deserved and wanted in this world.

Seeing each other drenched, they could not hold back their laughter. Her laugh though. When it was soft, he wondered if it possible to find a sound caressing his ears? When she broke in boisterous laughter, this is what he defined happiness to sound like. They did not have to say much, finding comfort with one another.

Finally he pulled her into a tight hug. As he took a deep breath, he could feel her heart pounding with his. Her smaller frame fit against his larger one, completely wrapping his arms around her. Unlike life before her, he had nothing to lose. People like that were always the scariest to go against, nothing stopping them from pushing the limits to get what they want. Now he had someone that he wanted to protect, someone to lose. She could be his greatest drive to do better, improve himself on and off the track. She could also be his greatest downfall, holding him back for her sake. Even with thoughts like that, Jongin accepted these new unfound risks. She was the one.

Tw- kidnapping, hint of abuse, death, depression, murder

It was only a six months ago yet it feels like yesterday. Seungyeon's worst fears came true her parents had somehow found her. She was just on her way home from the park with her twins-Aera and Yoongi when they literally bumped into her. "Oh fudge." She mumbled under her breath as she quickly got up trying to move passed them hoping they wouldn't recognize. It wasn't in her luck as they called out her name. "Mama who are they?" She could hear her kids asking. "They're bad people." Seungyeon answered while ignoring her birth parents the best she can. It took a couple of hours to throw them off. It was only then that she went home with her kids.

It wasn't until a week after the unexpected meeting that her other worse fears came true. She came home to see the babysitter knocked out cold, and her children missing. She called the police immediately luckily the baby sitter was ok; however the twins fate was unknown. Seungyeon went into deep depression while waiting for any news at all. She also spend her days searching without any rest. It took another two months before her daughter was found, and another month after that to find her son. The good news her daughter is alive, but her son passed away.

The police looked into what happened what they found only confirmed her thoughts. They wanted Aera to go though what she went though only this time they left marks, and bruises. They don't care what happen to her. Yoongi on the other hand after helping his sister to escape was caught. They wanted a son not a daughter anyways; however they got fed up with him not cooperating. They murder her first born, and ran.

It took one month to bury Yoongi, and two more months later Seungyeon is still fighting off her depression while doing her best for her only child left alive. It doesn't matter what she have to do. She'll make sure Aera along with any future children will never have to deal with her birth parents even again. No to be more precise that no one had to suffer by their hands-even if it means paying the ultimate price.

[tw: mention of killing, suicide]

One sheep, two sheep, three sheep... a hundred ninety five sheep…

Clearly, that old method of self-hypnotizing to make one sleepy and eventually fall asleep was a complete bull. Or maybe it only happened like this to him. On his left side, his wife is peacefully sleeping which brought out a soft smile on his face as he stared at her serene sleeping face. Their earlier conversation rang through his mind again, playing like a movie as Siwan closed his eyes. From her crying face, her confession, his own confession about his feeling and his past, followed by the little cute scolding and the news bomb of her being pregnant. Until now, he still couldn't believe that his wife is carrying their child inside her womb. She's really came like a miracle in his life. The life which he felt like he's stuck in the deepest dark place. After meeting her, spending time with her even though it was just pure business at first, falling in love with her, and now this, her carrying his child, Siwan could never been more grateful of her presence in his life. She made him more…human.

As cheesy as that might sounds, that was what really happened in his case. Siwan carefully her hair, not wanting to disturb her with his own musing. That pregnancy brought up a new worry to him though. His father had warned him about him turned soft. He was not a fool. He understood what his father capable of. And the older Im also already gave a little threat about taking Seolhyun out from his life, as easy as when he let her in Siwan’s life. That thought alone made him gritted his teeth in pure anger he never felt before. The more he thinks it through, maybe it’s simply because now he has something important to protect. His own growing family. Siwan used to mock his business partner who left early because they have a family plan, or simply just to fetch their children from extra activities after school. But now, he could understand their feeling and why they would do such mundane thing.

Seeing that sleep probably wouldn’t come any time soon for him, he gently untangled himself away from Seolhyun’s hold on him and quietly left the bed; not before pulling the blanket back up to make sure she stayed warm on the bed without him. He leaned down to place a soft kiss on her forehead before putting on his coat and made his way to the work room. Now, he had said to make a better place for his child to grow and Siwan knew that as long as he didn’t cut ties with his old man, the cycle would repeat and he definitely didn’t want his children later to go through what he went through. No. He would let them chose their own path while he’d watch over them. Pouring himself a glass of whiskey, Siwan took a little sip of the alcoholic drink which was a rare sight since he never a fan of drinking and only did so when he’s very distressed. He had been thinking about it after since he and Nayeon stepped out from their father’s head office in Seoul. As much as he didn’t want to do any violence, this last action was definitely the one with more guarantee for better future despite being the one with high level risk. Siwan’s eyes darted to the safe where he kept the gun his father gave him when he was twelve. His worst nightmare which still haunted him from time to time. He couldn’t act hastily. His father had a lot of guards around him and would definitely not let himself being vulnerable especially with that henchman who always stayed beside him.

That was not the only problem he would face. His siblings. Aside from Nayeon, no one else knew what happened and if he did kill the old man, he knew that they would hate him. Did he want to take the risk for his own selfish reason? Would he be alright if all of his siblings hate him for doing it? Maybe it’s best for him to informed them about it first before doing anything like that and bear the consequences for the rest of his life. Next is the henchmen. If he went head on with all of them, Siwan knew it’s a complete suicidal mission. He had to turn the high ranks henchmen to his side and aid him in his mission. But it might be the hardest task he ever challenged. Despite being good in fight and using firearms, he had no guarantee if he could beat them all, especially his father’s right hand. A sigh escaped him, the thought alone already dampened his mood but he knew at least he had to try. Picking up his phone, he dialed his father’s right hand number. His voice tone was cold and void of any emotions, just like how he had been taught by the devil himself. “Meet me at the warehouse tomorrow at 2200 hours. Alone. There’s something we need to settle.” And without waiting for any answer, Siwan cut the call. Well, now first step is done. Let’s just hope that he would still live to see the day when his child is born after tomorrow’s meeting. Maybe he should take a day off tomorrow and just spend it with his wife, spoiling her like he should be from the first time. “No. I can’t be pessimistic like that. I have to succeed. It’s for everyone’s sake. For the brighter future. To cut all of this madness…I have to make it. No excuse for failure, Im Siwan. I know you can do it.” With that self-encouragement, he downed the rest of his whiskey and set the glass aside. Steeling himself for whatever going to happened tomorrow night. He just hope that convincing his siblings wouldn’t be as hard as he thought it would.

tw: deaths, wars, bombs.


Today was supposed to be the happiest day of his life—his own wedding. The beautiful sight of his bride causes him to smile on his own. He fixed his black suits and stared at his handsome reflection in the mirror. "What a good day today, and hopefully things will go smoothly for both of them." When he was about to finish his look, suddenly he got a phone call. Joongki stared at the phone on the table as he his lips. He knows one thing for sure—his duties are calling out for him.

He brought his shaking hand to grab the phone and was hesitant to pick up the calls, but he actually did. "yes sir?" The moment he answered his phone, he knew he would have the biggest regret of his life, but he just needed to prioritise his duties more because outside, there were still people who needed him. He heaved softly when the phone calls ended. His team needs him right now, and he couldn't be selfish. or is he selfish for doing this? He doesn't know. He loosened his necktie and rushedly went to his car as he drove off to the Army's base. 

He was sent into this remote place along with his teams, where there are no connections at all and it's so hard for them to communicate. even if they've got any signals there, it's too weak and only allowed them to communicate nearby what's more to communicate with people outside of the country.  It's hard and challenging for him. He badly wants to run back to South Korea and marry his fiance. She must be waiting for him, right? 

Joongki heaves a relief sigh when he finally gets a signal to connect with her and dials up Seungyeon, his fiancé's number. "Yeon, it's me. "But not too long after he called out for her, the phone's line cut off because of the weak signals. 

damn. 

Joongki got his days filled with those bombs and threats everywhere; even the deaths are so many that it's really hard for them. not to mention that the sickness and the diseases spread among them as well, making it even harder. There was a time when Joongki almost got killed by the enemies when he was patrolling around the area and they shot him at long distance (fortunately, it was a hit on his waist and it wasn't too bad, but it was really painful for him). He was hospitalised for a few weeks before he finally healed and started to work like usual.

When they finally got the news that the mission was finally over, Joongki was the one who was the most excited, and his teams could only laugh at their leader's cute antics. He finally touched down in South Korea after 4 years, and the first thing he wants to do is visit the garden. It's a place where he met Seungyeon for the first time and never knew that fate would bring them together again. He saw her in the garden and couldn't contain his happiness as he pulled her into a tight hug. 

Joongki can sense the hatred in her eyes, and he fully understands her feelings, telling her that it's okay. He will find some way to make things right between them again. But what's surprising him the most is that Seungyeon was actually pregnant on their wedding day, and the baby is already 4 years old. As for now, he's trying his best to be a good father for his daughter, Song Aera. Even though Seungyeon already hates him for leaving her, he still wants to do his best for both of them.

Joongki still loves her, and it's going to stay that way even though she's already moved on from their love stories, and it's okay because Seungyeon probably can't handle it if she finds out the truth, where he's actually dealing with deaths and wars every day. If being separated will make her happy and safe, it's okay for him. At least he knows that he's actually protecting them.

— tw : heartbreaks.

kang has known chaewon for a few years he couldn't remember. Not that he wants to, but since she's one of his acquaintances, he just lets their relationship flow just like that. Their first meeting occurred when Kang helped Chaewon with her stuff, and that's when they started getting close to each other. To be honest, Kang never thinks of wanting her to be his girlfriend; honestly speaking, he doesn't really have those feelings for her. But out of pity, when one day Chaewon finally confessed to him, he accepted it without even thinking about it. 

The relationship between them works not quite well, as Kang doesn't really show his attention and enough care towards her, or even do anything when it's her birthday, especially as well; beside, "Oh, it's your birthday?" happy birthday." Plus, he didn't quite remember her birthday because for him it's not that important. There are more important things he needs to remember, such as another girl's number and other things related. You think he will care about Chaewon's feelings? no. he's not. He received Chaewon's feelings simply because she liked him first and not the other way around. Plus, he just wants to test his romantic feelings by having a girlfriend. 

Today's their first anniversary as a couple, and honestly, Kang didn't give a about it. Here stands the fragile girl with a gift box on her hands as she waits patiently for Kang to come, but he never comes. Later, Chaewon got a photo of Kang kissing someone else inside the club while he was partying with his friends, and that angered the angel. She went to the club and threw the box at him while her eyes filled with tears. 

kang was too flustered before he laughs it off. "you must be crazy .. all of this while, you have this kind of sick imagination of me loving you as my girlfriend? let me tell you something, I only accepted you because you wants me to — not because I want it too. " 

It was an unusually warm winter’s night in the middle of January, but still cold enough to remind Areum of the season when the breeze drifted in through the open window. The woman, her long black hair falling loose about her shoulders and down her back leaned against the frame, silhouetted in the moonlight that bathed the earth in its glow from the cloudless sky. Though her posture was relaxed, there was trouble swirling behind her dark eyes as she stared pensively out over the expanse of Dandelion before her. Rather than peace there was a deep melancholy that radiated from her person in waves that one could swear were visible to the eye; pulses of deep amethyst and cobalt that lingered in the air around her.

In the room behind her she could hear him stirring, the soft shuffle of cloth somehow deafening to her ears as he dressed. There was a thud, a curse, and then the flipping of a switch which cast his shadow on the floor beside her. She didn’t even want to look at it and averted her eyes as if somehow the paltry luminescence were blinding.

This was the part that Areum hated the most. She knew it was coming, it never failed in its happening and yet she dreaded it all the same. What was worse was how she despised the fact that she always hoped for something different; as if she could change the outcome. She couldn’t, she didn’t know how and even if she did, she did not have the tools to do so.

No words were exchanged as he flipped off the lamp, grabbed his keys and left. No hesitation. Areum didn’t even bother to turn around as she instead set her jaw tightly to keep from showing any reaction. This was how it had been, how it had to be, all so that she could feel in the smallest sense ‘alive’ before that lie too was taken from her. That she could be loved.

How could he? She knew what she was up against and knew it well. His heart belonged to her. The angel. The dove. That which was soft, innocent, and pure. The woman was beyond beautiful, hopelessly heavenly, and eclipsing effervescent. If Helen of Troy could launch a thousand ships, this woman could have turned them to rockets and sent them to the stars. There was no comparison, no competition, and there never could be. Why, when he could dream of a world in the light, wish for only the shadow?

It was foolish but Areum dreamed of that life and thought of it often. How she desired to step out of her obsidian void and into something gleaming with hope and mutual adoration. There were times she allowed herself to believe it was tangible to someone so base and devoid of charms such as herself but, as always, she could never quite grasp it. Only the ephemeral affectations were hers and she tried to find solace in them. Still, these nights were meant for fantasies and for one small moment she permitted herself a peek at her own heart.

And what did Areum want? She longed to be the woman at his side not only when the sun fell but before the dark of twilight. To walk down the shop-lined streets of her small town with him, laughing, hand-in-hand as they perused whatever goods were available to purchase. To see their smiling reflections in the windows as they passed and know that this was her place, her life, and that she was happy. To belong with him.

Alas, it could never be and she knew that to the depth of her soul. With one, heart-rending sigh she let a single tear fall and then closed the window. It would be dawn soon and Areum could never be welcomed by the day.

There's an earth alternate to this one that Minghao travels to whenever he opens his eyes.

Falling downwards into the stream, the ocean rippling freely under him. It embraces him, the ocean floor, and freely, he falls down, down, down — into the pebbles glinting under the diffused sunlight.

Minghao has been waking to the taste of sea-salt on his tongue — the only thing that has changed for him recently. Still, the apartment walls remain clean. Unchanged, patches of dried paint from many years ago still clinging to the otherwise barren walls. And strewn across the bare, wooden floor, the clothes from last night.

He’s been sleeping in more than usual, and has been lagging behind his cleaning time more than usual.

And today, it feels a little harder to move. Just across from him, the windows are misted with the droplets of an incoming rain, with the sun peeking through the haze as his only source of light.

Today, he feels it a little more, the softness of the ruffled sheets, his weight pinned down more heavily into the mattress. The shadows of the starting rain are playing across from ceiling to floor, unfurling like a makeshift puppet show with no defined form, flashing by in a grotesque pattern.


When Minghao finally breaks out of bed, it’s a little after one. The rain has stopped, but the lingering coolness and gloomy afternoon skies are hollowed out from the sudden afternoon rain. And when Minghao pulls into a driveway just a few blocks from Soonyoung’s apartment complex, sunlight has bloomed softly around him.



There, Soonyoung sits across from him, pulling on a frown and scanning through the dark shadows of Minghao’s face. “You sure you’re okay?”

Unlike his, Soonyoung’s more of a… maximalist. Every square inch of his friend’s apartment is splayed with different forms of art. The plain white walls of Minghao’s apartment are exchanged for Soonyoung’s warm ones, with the pale, golden light overhead seemingly casting a glow across the whole perimeter.

“Yeah, just feels like everything’s been so bland,” Minghao scoffs, peeling himself away from Soonyoung’s probing eyes and propping his face into his fist instead. His other hand has made a habit of leafing through his friend’s writing journal, magazine cutouts and haphazardly written half-thoughts adorning the pages, once-blank, and now they sigh in a muted crackle with each turn.

Soonyoung’s eyes flit from Minghao’s face to his journal. “Tell me about it.”

“Mm.” Minghao’s only response, the sound muffled by his fist. His attention elsewhere.

“ 海阔凭鱼跃 — Fish swim in vast sea as freely as birds fly in boundless sky,” the cutout says, outlaid in the bold, black streaks of Soonyoung’s handwriting. Behind these words, a school of fish (which Minghao could have only guessed as koi) seem to be swimming calmly — peacefully. Their bodies wrapped in the gentle oscillation of waves, glistening under the scattered sun rays.

He doesn’t notice how long he’s been staring at the cutout for — not until he hears Soonyoung’s voice (poorly) trying to dispel Minghao’s concentration from the proverb.

“Oh, that’s just a silly Chinese proverb I easily pulled up from google one ty night,” Soonyoung waves with a dismissive hand despite the flush of red growing from his chest to his ears.

However, it’s enough to get Minghao thinking for the rest of his stay.

-
Fish swim in vast sea as freely as birds fly in boundless sky,


There’s a particular mercy to coming home to solitude and a peaceful, solitary night. This night, in particular, strains along to the ache of Minghao’s body, muscles yearning for the warmth of his own company. And a bed. And maybe, a bath before that.

Still, the proverb has not left his mind, despite the days and weeks that have withered and been replaced before them. Wilting — the days before him are, Minghao’s unsure if it’s always been this way. The thing is — he’s been feeling it a lot…more?



The steam of the bath rises upward, curls into half crescents and gradually evaporates. Each little movement of his limbs sends outward a ripple on the water that spreads and, as if coming back to, gently rocks against Minghao’s body. His eyes are already halfway closed, his nape barely above the water, with his face tilted towards the ceiling.

The gentle slope of the tub feels light on his skin, legs folded, and feet planted softly onto the acrylic, struggling to remain where they are against the current —

and it feels like he’s falling — going under, under, and…

Under.


And when he does, his first reflex is to open his eyes and swim upstream. But when they do, they open to an earth alternate to this one.

A long stretch of blue, illuminated by thin strips of sunlight that cannot quite penetrate into the deep waters of the sea. His limbs feel light, unbearably so, and it seems as if he’s floating — buoying into the direction of the current.

But he’s falling and falling downwards, despite the illusory feeling of weightlessness. Before it takes hold of him, Minghao tries to grab for the beam of light fading, gradually receding into the massive blue.

Just a second ago present but no longer there.

Strangely, Minghao doesn’t feel like dying. The gentle thrum of the water, the deepness and peacefulness, feels to him like a breath of fresh air.

"...perhaps seeking a new change of scenery. A breath of fresh air, you know, away from the city. How does that sound?" Those words continued to echo within her head at a metronome tempo, starting from the moment she woke up to the moment her eyes shut for the night. Saeeun had arrived in Dandelion just a few days prior, settled down in her humble, tiny abode she now called home, watching as the suns rays shone against the wall just parallel to the bedroom window. Glancing down at her phone, she noticed a few missed calls, a handful of missed text messages to which she assumed was her worried manager. Up and leaving was probably not the right way to do things, but as soon as her therapist suggested a, 'change of scenery', Saeeun took this opportunity to get away from practically everything.

Running away from home and certain situations was probably not the best idea, but she felt suffocated being within the city she grew up in. After witnessing her mother mentally switch off after finding out Saeeun's father had been killed, to witnessing her mother lose all sense of self. For years, since the age of 12, she had taken care of her mother the best she knew how. University was off the table with the lack of money coming in, and she barely managed to graduate with failing grades towards the end of her high school semester. There wasn't much of a distraction for Saeeun other than social media, and that's what she turned to.

At first, she started with small posts, talking about certain topics and reviewing products she bought at stores. Then, it developed into comedy content, creating funny bits and videos to garner a huge audience. Before she knew it, had capture the hearts of a million people across the world, and this helped her expand her platform into vlogging and blogging online. Often times, Saeeun traveled place to place with a camera in hand, recording her every move, every thought, trying to be as real as possible. It was easy business, as long as you were making yourself readily available at all times. What motivated her was the money pouring in, and now she becoming comfortable in the fact that she was able to take care of her mother properly. Saeeun's mother, was her everlasting motivation.

The world of being on camera constantly can change a person whether they know it or not. Had it changed Saeeun completely? Not a chance. if it did, it only made her smarter, confident and intelligent. Saeeun can easily spot a promotion scam if she about it in her emails. Saeeun knew how to give her audience the best content and that meant being online all hours of the day and night. It was taking a toll on her physically and mentally without even realizing it. Then, she met her ex-fiancé, at an influencer party. They weren't an influencer themselves, but that never bothered Saeeun one bit. They hit it off rather quickly, but because Saeeun had an image that she had to uphold, she never let the friendship, or rather, relationship becoming public -- she only wanted to keep them safe. And had Saeeun known then like she does now, she would have never gotten into a relationship to begin with, just to save both of her their hearts and feelings.

As a result, Saeeun became almost like her mother, lost in the void of despair. Angry with herself, and angry at the world for easily shutting her down. It only took one therapy session to pour out her thoughts and feelings, and it only took one recommendation from her therapist to push her to try something new.

But why is that new something so difficult to take on?

° morningside

Hwamin stared at the polaroid, a bittersweet smile painted on her visage, her chest full of longing and regret. She couldn't bring herself to write just yet, but it doesn't mean the memories aren't replaying on her head. Again and again, an endless loop wherein it felt so... easy to seize it.

Seize his hand and hold it, seize his lips in a tender kiss, seize his gaze and meet it with adoration, and it was easy for him to seize her heart too.

Every waking moment, it's him that lightened up her days, putting the sun to shame.

However, now, the sun puts her bed into shame, making it clearer that it's empty.

As if she doesn't feel it.

"I wish... we can still share the morningside, my dearest..."

She whispered, voice laced with melancholy. She placed the picture down on the table, her hand reaching out to close the curtain.

https://64.media.tumblr.com/6f5e66896db688fa2bbf99cfb491c2c5/cdb0de4aae3ba928-3b/s1280x1920/4844f642f3de92751aab7f239d781da40cad9dec.jpg

It started off with comments.

“You look so feminine. Are you sure you’re a boy?”

“Taemin? Oh, that girly guy?”

“Maybe he’s gay.”

There was no reaction from Taemin though. At least, not one that anyone could discern. He continued to seem poise, unfazed by the comments.

So, they upgraded to physical teasing.

“Look at your hair!” Cue a ruffle. “It’s so long! No wonder everyone mistakes you for a girl.”

“You’re so skinny!” Cue his wrist being grabbed as they waved his hand. “Are you trying to be the skinniest here?”

“You’re short.” Someone would snort in the basketball field, shoving against Taemin. “You can’t play with us.”

Still, no visible reactions. It was starting to piss the children off. Why wouldn’t he respond? They wanted to push him further.





It was an accident.

They really didn’t mean to.

They allowed their emotions to get the better of them.

They yelled at Taemin, demanding his explanation. Why wouldn’t he react to the comments? Why wouldn’t he react to the physical teases? Did they not anger him? Made him feel uncomfortable?

Yet, Taemin only responded, “Please, leave me alone.”

He tried to walk away.

It was really an accident. They didn’t mean it to happen.

One of them got annoyed and tried to grab Taemin.

Their hands didn’t grasp properly, and they ended up pushing him.

They were on a flight of stairs.

It was an accident.

All of them stared in horror as Taemin lost his footing and fell backwards.

For a split second, his eyes widened.

It was an accident…





The bullying stopped. Taemin transferred schools. No one saw him again.

They never got to apologise. They never got to explain themselves.

They never got to comment on that split instance of Taemin showing some semblance of emotions.

If the time permits, let me hold your hand with love and security.

https://64.media.tumblr.com/f3d73ee2f2ec2440d1f8ae442e4aa6ee/a1b2aa9597efd446-cb/s1280x1920/5e7d6bf26d881020780f15568ac5b341092a5ee9.png

With ardent heart, I yearn for you.

https://64.media.tumblr.com/743aa4769b603adcec6e2a5b13b998f2/84b746565b2133ed-f4/s1280x1920/934d4559e970a8c5764aea0800f993557bd879ce.png

https://64.media.tumblr.com/da0adc834410ecbe96e36fba6832bd44/7bcb06900bb0492e-e3/s1280x1920/4a3b7a1501040008607957c39e855fde2866f64d.png

Oh great. It’s today, isn’t it? Out of all the days of the year, it had to be on Christmas Day. Their Anniversary, well it would’ve been the.. what is it? Third year now? It would’ve been three whole god damn years of what felt like Hell. .. but now, Heejin doesn’t have to worry about that. About /him/ anymore.

What was she thinking?? Falling for him, and dating him in the first place? You’d assume your friend would be sweet and loyal to you, but life had other plans. They say don’t judge a book by its cover and all, but she had been too stupidly in love with him to notice the red flags. The fairly obvious red flags. Tsk tsk, that was very silly of her. How was she supposed to know? How was she supposed to know about whatever went on in Hyunwoo’s mind? His motives or goals. Was she /ever/ his girlfriend all this time? Or just a mere side piece.. a doll, some toy.

Their Christmas traditions… always were enjoyable, that particular holiday.. one of the rare time’s in which he was actually warm-hearted to her. Funny, he truly acted cold-hearted, or morso heartless at least 98% of the time during their relationship and on a pretty good day, he’d be the sweet boyfriend that everyone else portrayed him as.

Now what traditions did they have? Most were normal, visiting family for dinner and ‘having fun.’
“ heejin princess, my parents are stopping by soon. “ Hyunwoo would call out. God that nickname.. pet name .. he knows it’s a way to catch her off guard. For s sake, ‘Princess’ out of all possibilities. She knows.. that it’s only a name. She’s not really treated like a ‘princess’ one bit, okay maybe in bed.. acting like a pillow princess, but enough of that.

During their Christmas dinners, the pairs parents would talk, her and Hyunwoo would chatter along and everything would be alright. Everything will /look/ and perhaps /feel/ okay. But we all know that lies can be deceiving, nothing ‘perfect’ ever lasts forever. Of course, right after the family leaves.. everything will go right back to how it is originally. Another tradition they’d have is to drive around and check out any special lights such as any light shows of sorts, decorations, or possible activities? to do and be content with one another.

Nothing lasts forever. What is ‘forever?’… this is enough! She’s had enough!! Stop this now! The woman felt distressed all of a sudden, causing her to throw a book at a wall, from her bed she sat at. . . But luckily neither the book or wall was harmed.

Heejin emits a startled gasp as she tries to calm her breathes. What the was that? Another /flashback/? Ugh, did she take her meds today? Yes.. no… perhaps.. i guess one day without it wouldn’t hurt.. that wasn’t really?

“ i hope you’re rotting in Hell, Park Hyunwoo. For the blinding hell you’ve put me through.”

[post deleted by owner]

— • ᴏɴᴇ; ᴄɪʀᴄᴀ 2015

Hushed voices from the television filled the dim lit living room, the only source of light was the thin box of led itself. The light was blinding because of the dark. It bounced off the tired form of twenty-eight years old man, a couple cans of beer and a few bottles of soju, littered around him. He still hasn't changed from his black suit, his tie loosely hung around his neck. The neck that started to ache as he leaned on his sofa like a pillow while he sat on the floor, long legs folded slightly towards his chest.

Considering the amount of alcohol he consumed, he should've drifted to sleep by now. But he's still awake. Limbs aching. Face burning. Head pounding. Heart tightening as he refused to cry out his frustration, helplessness and loneliness.

He was used to it—not crying. Even if he was alone. He wasn't the type to complain either. Things like that felt useless and it doesn't change the reality. He'd simply breathe and move on. On the other hand, he knew it wasn't healthy. But he can't help it. He's used to holding it in as he had so much to lose.

Until today.

Soohyuk opened his eyes as his phone buzzed for nth time. With a grunt, he sluggishly sat up and pulled his phone from his pocket. He stared at the screen as it stopped buzzing, showing the number of missed calls. Most of it are unknown contacts—90% from reporters claiming to listen to his side of story but they twist his words on print—and estranged friends while a certain name topped the list by 20+ missed calls. The screen changed at another incoming call.

"What is it?" he answered without as much of a hello, voice rough despite not meaning to.

A disbelief snort came from the other side of the line. "What is it? /What is it?/" Yoo Ilhan's voice was laced with frustration at the talent he looked after for 5 years. "We haven't talked for a while and you were taken in for a drug scandal?"

Soohyuk sighed. I didn't do it, is what he should've replied. But he's tired of clarifying himself. At least to the man he considered his older brother, he shouldn't have the need to say it. He took in a shaky breath as he waited for Ilhan to say something at his silence. "Are you okay?" His sight blurred at the question.

"No."

"I'm almost in Seoul," Ilhan said. Soohyuk can pick up the alarmed note in his voice saying, Don't do anything rash.

"This is probably what she felt, right?" Soohyuk brought a hand over his eyes, closing it. Immediately, the image of the woman they both knew well appeared along with images of the struggles she went through. "She was so bright—blindingly bright—but everything around her was still dark." He didn't continue. He was sure Ilhan, too, was taken back to the certain point of time where everything starts to fall apart. Soohyuk's jaw tightened as anger slowly swallowed his jumbled up feelings into one. God, damn. "Hyung."

"Ten minutes tops, Soohyuk. Ten minutes."

"I'm going to fight," Soohyuk rasped. "For her sake."

It was Ilhan's turn to go silent.

"But unlike her, I'm going to win. I have to win." Soohyuk straightened up, he fixed his gaze at the non-stop news coverage of the trouble he caused currently re-running on the television. "You'll help, right?"

"...When do we start?"